Sunday, July 31, 2011

Comic 931: I Never Metastasis I Didn't Like

lanes

[Comic title: Lanes; Alt text: Each quarter of the lanes from left to right correspond loosely to breast cancer stages one through four (at diagnosis).]

Interestingly, Randy is here accurately describing why merely avoiding XKCD isn't an option. Think of XKCD as a cancer, and the various friends and blogs that constantly inflict it upon you as individual cells. Even if you stop reading every single blog and block or cut off contact with every single friend who is constantly sharing XKCD, you still haven't won. Some new one will discover it or find one that they think is particularly awesome for some reason. They will inflict it on you. Every day is lived in the fear that one day some new person will demonstrate that they have absolutely no taste whatsoever.

The relapse is in many ways worse--while you are actively battling the cancer of XKCD you're emotionally prepared for its slings and arrows, but when you've been living clean for some weeks or months and it strikes it can be devastating. Suddenly all the happiness and joy you knew in your life is shattered when one of your so-called friends messages you out of the blue with those hated words:

"LOL HAVE YOU SEEN THIS???"

277 comments:

  1. Rob, where did you steal that title it is too good for you.

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  2. With this comic xkcd demonstrates how far it has fallen. In the good old days, Randall would have used this as a way to explain that cancer is pretty cool because it gives you an excuse for hypochondria and annoying quirks like that are the best, then everybody would have said "GOOMHR I fear for my life every time I feel an internal twinge too!"

    But no, now it's all negativity. Out with the ball pit, in with the heartache.

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  3. Keeping it classy, asshol[i][/i]e.

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  4. Okay, it is time I came clean, on the reason I deleted my blogs and disappeared from the face of the internets.

    I had to travel back in time. Adopt a new persona, you know, I was getting tired of my old life. I'll do a few time travelly things, like kill Hitler and make it look like suicide, and witness the end of xkcd. Afterwards I'll settle for a spot 10 years in the past, and start anew.

    I will still visit this blog, but under a different name. From then onwards you will know me as... Aquarians Love To Fuck.

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  5. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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  6. If you're not sure if something you've done is wrong, imagine explaining it to your mother.

    "Hey Mom, it's me. So I have this website about a comic on the internet I don't like, and I make fun of the writer every week. He made this one about his wife having cancer and - get this - I said HIS COMIC IS LIKE CANCER. Isn't that hilarious? Anyway, let me know how that biopsy goes. Love you!"

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  7. "Hey Mom, it's me. Today I got that thing that I pee out of and I inserted it into a woman. Love you!"

    lol jk as if 7:25 is ever going to have sex

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  8. Who said they were unsure if they did something wrong?

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  9. everyone knows ALTF is my mother

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  10. Rob did a good thing.
    A very good thing.
    Rob's such a good boy.

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  11. So, like, what's the deal with Carl? He left xkcd sucks to do webcomics.me, but then he never does anything for webcomics.me and sometimes he comes back here and decides to do a guest post?

    Oh! I get it! Carl is busy dealing with his fiancee's cancer, right?

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  12. stfu Anon 9:21, Carl is going through a tough time and he doesn't need you making fun of him all the time

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  13. Randy put this out there. If he wanted it to remain private, he could. Instead he made weird, unfunny comics about it.

    Why on earth would we pull punches?

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  14. 9:24 is right. This is war. Us vs. xkcd. Randall pulled the sympathy card to try and get us to back down, but war doesn't work that way. War only ends when one or both sides have been mercilessly obliterated. No quarter.

    Then the survivors get together to decide on a new war.

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  15. I'm putting it out there that Ravenzomg never came back, and every single post to date has been by Ann Apolis fulfilling some weird fantasy of his.

    Except for the one Jon Levi made, because it has a picture and everything so clearly it's her they must be the same person. Thanks, blogger, for making the user identification process utterly infallible!

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  16. A guy with an opinionJuly 31, 2011 at 10:37 PM

    Honestly, were it not for the panel saying "Fuck cancer" and xkcds history of attempting to funny, this specific comic wouldn't really bother me. I wouldn't enjoy it, but I wouldn't be irritated.

    But when you add those two things together, it just makes this entire thing seem really fucking annoying.

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  17. Rob probably ate Ravenzomg.

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  18. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.

    Captcha: BACAUN.

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  19. I was kinda hopin' to be sweet-ass imilated

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  20. Newest comic is about how much the hacker group "anonymous" sucks without actually saying it. Randy doesn't want to get several annon's arrested for DDOSing him with LOIC (translates to: being completely retarded).

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  21. Why would a computer expert hear "took down the website" as "tore down a poster"? It does make sense as a metaphor, but then you read the alt-text and can only assume that computer experts are kinda stupid. I guess that's why Randall isn't one!

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  22. My TV is on a desk 4 feet in front of me

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  23. So...the mainstream media says a moderately complex statement, and normal "PEOPLE" only hear a simplified version of that? Is Randy suggesting that the media is smarter than the average person? In previous comics, he's gone out of his way to paint them as "HURR DURR WE NO UNDERSTAND TECHNOLOG HOW USE COMPUTUER"

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  24. hao did that women teleported from tv screen to armchair between frames

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  25. THIS JUST IN: FEMALE BRUNETTE COMPUTER EXPERT MASTER RACE DECLARES WAR ON BLONDE NORMAL PEOPLE

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  26. I like the latest comic, though it might be a bit of an exaggeration. Also, randy's portrayal of media accuracy is unusually complimentary.

    To clarify for people who don't really get the distinction, because some of you don't seem to:

    Any large and powerful organization will generally make sure that its public website and its important databases are entirely separate. In fact, the US government has a network of private connections, circumventing having to use the public net for internal communication entirely. So even if you did hack into the CIA's website, you would have no chance of finding any sensitive data; it's just a site for public information on the organization, while the 'real' computers are undoubtedly guarded by some insane level of security.

    In addition, taking a website down is different from hacking into it. Websites can be taken down simply by barraging them with bogus requests. In order to hack into a website, to gain access to the files on it, you'd need to find a flaw somewhere in its security, which often requires patience and skill (things the teenagers over at anonymous often lack).

    So the "tearing down a poster" analogy seems pretty accurate. It's just a poster that billions of people can see, so it's a little more serious.

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  27. ThePirateKing, I'm pretty sure we all got it. Thanks for making us read all those words, though, it was a good opportunity for me to make out that reading a couple of paragraphs is some sort of major task.

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  28. It seemed like some commenters were a bit confused. I just wanted to clear the air, and make out that typing a couple of questionably accurate and unsourced paragraphs is some sort of major accomplishment.

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  29. I didn't get it before ThePirateKing explained it.

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  30. Anonymous 9:38 said: Randall pulled the sympathy card to try and get us to back down"

    Rumours of your significance have been greatly exaggerated

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  31. Someone wise once said "people aren't dumber than you just because you think you're smarter than them". Who was that? Anyway. Yeah Randall once again separates himself from society by making out the average Joe to be some idiot who doesn't understand words.

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  32. I wish they would hack xkcd.

    On another not, Rob didn't put up my review for 931 because it contained the N word, and Rob is a leftard with white guilt.

    Rob's response: "No, I didn't put it up because it sucked."

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  33. The main thing that bugs me about today's comic is that it's pretty much like the Simpsons: it's topical, but about 6 months too late.

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  34. hmm, http://blag.xkcd.com/
    his fiance is suffering from cancer at the moment, possibly the reason for this topical doom and gloom.

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  35. This one was a bit below the belt.

    http://blog.xkcd.com/2011/06/30/family-illness/

    His comic is more likely not meant to be funny, but something on his mind of late?

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  36. 5:17 and 5:18, you must be new.

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  37. I don't get it. And with "it" I mean the purpose of this.. ehm.. ranting blog(?) about XKCD. XKCD isn't good because it's funny, it's good because it touches on subjects from the p.o.v. of an engineer.

    If you're into the whole science thing, it's mostly interesting, and slightly witty, but never actually funny. (try explosm if you want funny and don't mind crude jokes)

    What I don't get, is why anyone would want to rant about XKCD not being funny "as a hobby". That doesn't strike me as a fun activity at all, so why do you bother keeping this blog?

    (and srsly, if you really like ranting about stuff, that's fine, but it would be nice if you would rant about something more interesting)

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  38. megabot, you must be new.

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  39. Oh boy, a whiny English major is butthurt that Randall made fun of his field and decided to make a blog bitching about it. Funtime.s

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  40. @ThePirateKing

    Ehm. What.

    Tearing down a poster, as in:
    That's the amount of effort it takes to put up, tear it down and the general value it has to any computer expert.

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  41. "try explosm if you want funny"

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha

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  42. @6:31 *you* came to *this* blog to accuse *someone else* of being butthurt??

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  43. "f you're into the whole high school science and grade school math thing, it's mostly interesting"

    @megabot, fixed that for you

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  44. Ah, I see. Everyone is butt-hurt and it makes for the lulz. Thanks for clearing that up, the knowledge does make it all more entertaining.

    @6:49 I'm flattered, but no. Science, as in: presenting a powerpoint slide showing a graph with fabricated numbers to validate 3 months of work on something you find totally worthless but others deem sell-able.

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  45. megabot for president, oy oy oy.

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  46. "This is war."

    Lawl. Good to see the culls around here still have delusions of significance.

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  47. Kudos for using 'culls' as an insult. That's pretty classy.

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  48. 931: Good - informative
    Bad - not funny and shut up about your situation, Randall, we already know
    Summary - The lane metaphor might make great material for a picto-blog, but completely fails as a comic strip.

    932: Good - For once, Randy manages to get his point across relatively quickly, if a bit clumsily.
    Bad - Randy's usual pretentiousness, stupid alt-text
    Summary - Randall again makes sure that we know how he hates the "uneducated masses". Also, nice way to imply that "computer experts" are not people.

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  49. Hi mom, look at me! I'm tangled in a web of delusions!

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  50. CAN'T YOU SEE THIS IS A WEB OF DELUSION

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  51. What annoyed me most about 932 is that smbc has got shit due to that 'normal person does this but a geek does this haw haw haw'.

    Its like a disease.

    DISCLAIMER: xkcd was never good

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  52. Since when did making fun of a webcartoonist because his fiancée has cancer suddenly become okay?

    I don't think it's okay.

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  53. 6:31? appropriate timing

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  54. hahaha disregard that, I suck cocks

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  55. Not making fun because she has cancer. We are using the fact she has cancer to make fun of the webcartoonist because he is awful.

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  56. Are we doing that? It doesn't feel like we're doing that. It feels like we're using the fact that he's awful to make fun of him because he's awful, and happen to be doing this while his fiance has cancer.

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  57. @9:48 AM

    I don't mind at all, personally; I think smbc carries it much better than xkcd did. Heck, I think smbc has pretty much rendered xkcd irrelevant by being a better much xkcd than xkcd ever was.

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  58. "On another not, Rob didn't put up my review for 931 because it contained the N word, and Rob is a leftard with white guilt."

    you wrote a review?

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  59. scottmctony, are we doing THAT? I thought we were using the fact that he's trying to profit and garner sympathy off his wife's best cancer to make fun of him because he's awful.

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  60. @Rob

    Yes, I sent it to your mysterioustaffer email a few days ago.

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  61. Since when did accusing a webcartoonist of using his fiancée's cancer to make profit and garner sympathy just because he draws a comic about the cancer suddenly become okay?

    I don't think it's okay.

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  62. To answer your question Ed - since Friday.

    And megabot, I'm an engineer and I don't think xkcd is good. In fact, I'd say it sucks. Hey-oh

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  63. No YOU shut up!

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  64. who the fuck hyphenates butthurt, that's like leaving the apostrophe at the front of fridge, or hyphenating tomorrow or cooperate.

    People like that should get cancer and die.

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  65. I find this comic acceptable given the fact his fiancee was diagnosed with cancer.

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  66. "[...] just because he draws a comic about the cancer suddenly become okay?"

    It's funny because he's done multiple cancer comics.

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  67. By continuing a relationship with Randy, Megan is an xkcd-enabler. If there is a God, I expect he would be quite angry with Megan. Now God is not just an angry God but also a just God, so he would respond to the cancer of xkcd with cancer for the xkcd-enabler. Balance is returned.

    If that one doesn't please the cynics, how about: Normally, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. But occasionally God gives us false hope that the world is fair by doing something reasonable.

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  68. Ves, I know someone on the internet who steadfastly writes 'phone. It irritates me immensely. Perhaps it is not a coincidence that he is 30 and has only held one job in his entire life (and that was a seasonal temp that only lasted 3 months). Fortunately he lives in Britain and has been able to collect unemployment or welfare or something this whole time so he can afford to go to the pub every Thursday for trivia games and to buy CDs for bands nobody cares about!

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  69. Hey, 5:14, the '80s are on the 'phone, they want their canard about the workshy leeching off the hard-working taxpayer back.

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  70. There's not much love to go around =[

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  71. ATTENTION XKCDSUCKS REGULARSAugust 1, 2011 at 5:32 PM

    You are now thinking about Ranvenzomg in a 69 with ALTF while Randall looks on and masturbates.

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  72. 5:14 that's just how they write it in Britain.

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  73. UndercoverCuddlefishAugust 1, 2011 at 6:42 PM

    @megabot: "XKCD isn't good because it's funny, it's good because it touches on subjects from the p.o.v. of an engineer."

    have you considered: xkcd simply is not good

    unless by "engineer" you mean "self-diagnosed aspie with a meme fetish" the basis of your assertion is not even accurate

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  74. Something I've noticed: the story of Xkcd is very much like that of cancer.

    It starts out as a lifeform, it is normal and healthy. Soon though, it grows more and more rapidly; it becomes deformed and ugly. Treatment begins, and the chemo that is curing Xkcd takes form: this xkcdsucks blog.

    However, in spite of our best efforts attacking this malignant and horrifying piece of fuck, it refuses to go away. Even when it seems as if it is finally shrinking, it comes back in a new and appalling form.

    Although we will always continue this fight, we understand it very well may be futile. Even if we finally do destroy it, the damage will have been done and its existence will affect us forever.

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  75. Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease.

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  76. Don't worry, 7:18. xkcd will buckle under the might of our onslaught before long. The climate on the very message boards are changing. Randall has been forced to remove the link to them. We are gaining ground, people will see the light and xkcd will fall. Then we can rebuild.

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  77. There are so many beautiful metaphoric parallels in the comments section for this one. It is this that assures me of one thing: xkcdsucks posters might be mindless, idiotic slobs, but at least we possess the scrapings of a soul, whereas Randy has obviously sold his soul, and therefore any artistic sensibility, for the success of his webcomic, which clearly could not survive on its own merits and must therefore be the work of Satan.

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  78. 10:58, can a hive-mind have a soul?

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  79. who the fuck even says butthurt, ves

    oh right internet morons. i forgot

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  80. haha disregard me i suck cocks

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  81. forgot about butt-hurt impostors too

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  82. haven't you fuckers got anything better to do

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  83. thanks for proving my point

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  84. In my life I have found that I can judge people I work with by whether they like cats or xkcd. Put bluntly, a man who either dislikes cats or likes xkcd is an idiot and I would have no hesitation sticking a knife through his heart.

    Harsh? No. A man who either dislikes cats or likes xkcd has no soul, thus has no working heart. But at least, bringing back memories of the indelible Stars of David, these soulless zombies would be identifiable by the knife stuck in their chests.

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  85. So guys I had kind of a weird experience. I was masturbating and after I was done I decided I was thirsty and grabbed the glass that was in my bedroom and the next thing I knew i was on the floor in the kitchen with broken glass and fallen refrigerator magnets all around me. Is this normal?

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  86. A hive-mind can certainly have a soul. Dependent on the perspective, either it is a single soul that is fractured into "cells" that can operate semi-independently, or a merger of several unique souls that then create a monster-blob-soul thing. The latter is probably what xkcdsucks most likely resembles.

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  87. From a utilitarian PoV, would it be better if Megan were to die and Randall were to bury himself in a pit of depression, unable to produce another cancerous time-wasting xkcd?

    And does Randall read these posts and think, "I'm gonna get through this - I'm not gonna let them get me down! I'll show them!" not realising that the only way he can "show us" is by having the strength to realise that he is wasting his and everybody's life and that he should go back to school and try to make something of himself?

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  88. @ Rob on July 31, 9:14 PM,

    Though I am very proud of all my crotch fruit, you have an especial place in my heart.

    ReplyDelete
  89. ATTENTION XKCDSUCKS REGULARS said August 1, 5:32 PM,

    "....You are now thinking about Ranvenzomg in a 69 with ALTF while Randall looks on and masturbates....."

    Ravenzomd is Canadian. Canadian women smell. Therefore, by Transitive Theory; Ravenzomd must smell.
    I do not gratify, nor will I be gratified by, 'Smellies'.

    ReplyDelete
  90. ALTF, I can't work out whether you're trolling or just less intelligent than you think you are. You remind me of a GP I would regularly meat at a Christmas thing. I think medical doctors in general have this ability to recall random facts not quite correctly but are very mediocre at joining the dots (otherwise they'd be statisticians, and I'd still be looking down at them for not being proper mathematicians).

    Also, it's syllogism, not transitivity.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Other than the fact that I do not troll - I trawl - you have me pegged!

    To address your dilemma, could I not be both trawling AND less intelligent than I think I am?

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  92. @Altf:
    That's not the transitive theory, you dumb shit.

    Captcha: surch
    derp derp! but ah surched tranzurtive thurry on dur inturrrrnetz!

    ReplyDelete
  93. You read the "or" as exclusive but it was not intended so.

    What's your field? I know the urge is there but try something other than "cunts".

    ReplyDelete
  94. Actually, it would have to be exclusive because the second literal has the word "just" in front.

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  95. "You remind me of a GP I would regularly meat at a Christmas thing."

    Eeek. Cannibalism?

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  96. "...a GP I would regularly meat..."

    Is that what the kids call it these days, or are you insufferably stupid?

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  97. Dearest Derp,

    I know.
    It's a syllogism you dumb Thalidomide Stump Sucker.

    @ 7:42 AM

    You will read this as Burns-esque but it was not intended so - my field for a' that!

    Then let us pray that come it may,
    (As come it will for a' that,)
    That Trawls and Brains, o'er a' the earth,
    Shall bare their Gee(1), an' a' that.
    For a' that, an' a' that,
    It's coming yet for a' that,
    That Cunt to Cunt, the world o'er,
    Shall sisters be for a' that.

    @ That's what she,

    I shall bear your crotch fruit, whether you agree or not.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Damn you, other 7:51, damn you!

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  99. I let the 'meat' thing slide. I two am often guilty of homophonic errors.
    Pot - Kettle and a' that.

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  100. @7:47: "Just" in the sense of "slightly": ALTF clearly isn't stupid but plays slightly above her station as if challenging herself. I thought she'd pick up on the usage since she's usually one to pick the alternative meaning of some word.

    Oh well, they can't all be gems.

    (But nice white-knighting effort. A sex IOU will be in the post.)

    ReplyDelete
  101. The "meat" thing was intentional, sorry. My ex would deliberately write "meat" for "meet" in otherwise eloquent professional discourse to throw people. It was one of her few amusing traits, and great artists steal.

    Thinking about it, the whole deliberate-error-insertion-for-attention thing is ALTF's staple. Maybe she reminds me a little too much of her.

    ReplyDelete
  102. So insufferably stupid it is, then.

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  103. ALTF: Like I said, http://www.bbc.co.uk/robertburns/works/ill_tell_you_a_tale_of_a_wife/

    Teens may want to get out the tissues and hit "Listen" on the right.

    ReplyDelete
  104. @8:00: The biggest problem with ALTF threads is the idiots who come in and miss the point entirely.

    ReplyDelete
  105. "....ALTF clearly isn't stupid but plays slightly above her station as if challenging herself...."

    And to think you perceive all this through my dross written in a language I am just (in the sense of 'slightly') learning?

    You are a jem indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  106. @ Anonymous 8:02,

    That is the biggest benefit - not problem!

    Sheesh

    ReplyDelete
  107. Your grasp of written English is fine and you're even making in-roads on the culture with your attempt at English false modesty.

    If you socialised more then your oratory skills might improve, but there's not much free time between doing your duty and trolling, right?

    ReplyDelete
  108. @8:02: Is it reinforcing the histrionic behaviour to play both the Anon who white-knights ALTF and the one who spars with her?

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  109. I know this is off-topic but I'm bored and contemplating. I want to know whether to do a part time law degree. More importantly, I want to understand what's considered so hard about law - apart from the tedium of learning legislation and case histories, it seems something anyone with a high school comprehension of language should be able to grasp.

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  110. I'm not seeing any white-knighting here.

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  111. ".....Thinking about it, the whole deliberate-error-insertion-for-attention thing is ALTF's staple......"

    Actually, my errors are real errors.

    @ Anonymous 8:08 AM,

    I do not 'troll' - I 'trawl'.
    I socialise in Spanish. Care to join me Cervantes?

    ReplyDelete
  112. Si te apetece, ALTF.

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  113. En qualquier lugar de la Mancha, 8:14?

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  114. No quiero acordarme, 8:15.

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  115. Y yo que fui a rondarle
    la otra noche a ALTF
    la bella, la traidora
    había ido a escuchar a Alfredo Krahus

    Y yo con mi canción
    como un gilipollas, madre
    Y yo con mi canción
    como un gilipollas

    Y entré con el salero
    al comedor de ALTF
    la bella, la traidora
    ya estaba acabando el flan

    Y yo allí con la sal
    como un gilipollas, madre
    Y yo allí con la sal
    como un gilipollas.

    Y cuando por su santo
    le compré una bicicleta
    la bella, la traidora
    ya se había agenciado un Rolls.

    Pegado al manillar
    hice el gilipollas, madre
    pegado al manillar
    hice el gilipollas.

    Y le llevé una orquídia
    a nuestra cita en la Glorieta
    la bella se besaba con un chulo
    y apoyada en un farol

    Y yo allí con mi flor
    como un gilipollas, madre
    y yo allí con mi flor
    como un gilipollas.

    Y cuando ya por fin
    fui a degollar a ALTF
    la bella, la traidora
    de un soponcio
    se me había muerto ya.

    Y yo con mi puñal
    como un gilipollas, madre
    y yo con mi puñal
    como un gilipollas.

    Y lúgubre corrí
    al funeral de ALTF
    A la bella, la traidora
    le dio por resucitar.

    Y yo con mi corona
    hice el gilipollas, madre
    y yo con mi corona
    hice el gilipollas.

    captcha: comenses.

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  116. Step-o up to the plato (now there's a horrible pond-crossed Americanism), ALTF.

    ReplyDelete
  117. You cunts make only ONE mistake in your intercourse with me - but it's one fuck of a mistake.

    Three things to consider when you might confront me:

    I am not a Westernised Woman.
    I have no Internet ego.
    I am morbidly obese.

    The Internet is not real.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Oh look, it's ALTF, the mysterious far Eastern polyglot MD who does a great impression of a bored country American housewife.

    ReplyDelete
  119. "I have no Internet ego" was the eye of your storm of Internet ego, ALTF. No-one cares how fat or Western or female you are or aren't except, perhaps, you.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Bored American country housewife please.

    Polyglot indeed!

    ReplyDelete
  121. Please? Couldn't you just put an advert in the usual places?

    ReplyDelete
  122. What is the one mistake we make, ALTF?

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  123. @ Anonymous 8:45 AM,

    Many of my imaginary heterosexual lovers care a great deal 'how female I am'.

    You do not need to 'care', you just need to consider when in the throes of your dubious gamesmanship.

    ReplyDelete
  124. OK, this is fucking ridiculous. His fiance was just diagnosed with serious cancer and he's trying to find a way to deal with his feelings. You're seriously criticizing a man's attempt to come to terms with the high likelihood that the woman he loves will die a painful death in the immediate future?
    Jesus, I can understand you not liking some of the things that he makes, but making fun of a person going through a personal tragedy is just too much, even for you.

    ReplyDelete
  125. @ Anonymous 8:50,

    Re-read my comment of 8:41 AM.
    The answer to your query will come to you - eventually.

    @ Anonymous 8:52,

    You're a cunt!

    ReplyDelete
  126. 8:52, I thought I'd correct some schoolboy errors in your post:

    (1) "Fiancee" - I'm fairly sure Randall, unlike ALTF, is not homosexual;

    (2) "Serious cancer" - as opposed to fun cancer? Anyway, it's "best cancer";

    (3) "You're seriously criticizing...?" - American spelling aside, yes, the criticism is damn serious - perhaps more serious than the cancer. What could the alternatives be?

    (4) "Woman" - no evidence. Strip history suggests just as likely to be a girl or a papier mache (one e acute) doll;

    (5) "He loves" - no evidence;

    (6) "High likelihood" - no evidence;

    (7) "Immediate future" - vague. Certainly not likely to die within 10 minutes. Certain to die in the geological immediate future;

    (8) "Jesus" - appeal to mythological creature;

    (9) "Some of the things" - deliberately vague. All of the things;

    (10) "Making fun of a person going through a personal tragedy" - also vague. All people are going through personal tragedies. You don't have to milk the tragedy for profit before you earn a get-out-of-mockery-free card;

    (11) "Just too much" - in what sense too much? Quantify your hyperbole.

    (12) "Even for you" - ad magnum hominem.

    ReplyDelete
  127. @Anon8:52 Randall, like most people on the autism spectrum, is not capable of love.

    ReplyDelete
  128. Even for you - ad magnum hominem.

    Without me - ad magnum eminem.

    ReplyDelete
  129. 1) Fiancée, not fiancee.

    2) You can get non-serious cancers.

    3) American spelling is better.

    4,5,6) Lots of evidence. You just don't have it.

    7) "Certainly not likely to die within 10 minutes." - No evidence.

    8) Used as exclamation.

    9) No, some of the things. Not vague, accurate.

    10) You don't have to, but you can.

    11) "Quantify your hyperbole." It would hardly be hyperbole if objectively quantified.

    12) Cunt.

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  130. "....I'm fairly sure Randall, unlike ALTF, is not homosexual...."

    Isosexual my friend, isosexual.

    @ Anonymous 9:13

    That's the spirit!
    Hate, hate and yet more hate!
    With some humour too!

    ReplyDelete
  131. Though American spelling is not better.
    Granted as the Yankee now rules the world, their spelling should also follow the 'boots on the ground', but still, the Queen's English is best.

    ReplyDelete
  132. @9:13 It's like 9:02 handed you twelve sheets of paper declaring that you are stupid and you stamped your seal of approval on each one.

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  133. 9:13, if you can get non-serious cancers than Megan's cancer is not serious. Or do you disagree?

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  134. Jesus fucking Christ, the dude has close person to him that has cancer and it is weighing on him, so he expresses it in his comics. When someone is worried about a life that is close to them, just let it go. It sucks, and I figured most people know that from experience by now. Have at least a minimal amount of decency out of respect for another human being.

    ReplyDelete
  135. @ Anonymous 9:19,
    It is you who is stupid. Think deeply about it.
    You see?

    @ Anonymous 9:20,
    Stop ignoring me!
    I will not suffer neglect!

    ReplyDelete
  136. 9:24 you went too far. First post was convincing cuddlefish but now it's just an obvious troll. Sorry :-(. 2.5/10.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Anonymous @ 9:24,

    "....Jesus fucking Christ...."
    Goodness gracious!
    Do you eat with that same mouth?

    Hint:

    Get some new bait - that one is redundant.

    ReplyDelete
  138. 9:19 - It's like someone handed you a bland simile and you used it in the dullest way possible.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Of everyone non-anon on this blog, ALTF reminds me most of Rob. The whole "writing helps you be a better writer even if your writing is shit" thing. Are you Rob, ALTF?

    ReplyDelete
  140. @9:29: You failed your troll and you fail in life. This evening you will seriously consider suicide.

    ReplyDelete
  141. @9:31 - Why must every internet conversation end with 'you fail at things'? Is it because of a lack of imagination, or is it force of habit?

    Captcha: Hancer. Five grades worse than cancer.

    ReplyDelete
  142. @ Anonymous 9:31,

    You are a cunt. And no mistake.

    @ Anonymous 9:30,
    Was that statement self-referrential? You being anonymous and all.
    See my comment of 6:20 AM for your answer.

    @ Anonymous 9:38 AM

    The 'fail' usage is pre-pubescent Lingua Franca - doncha know?

    ReplyDelete
  143. @9:38: If every Internet conversation you have ends up with "you fail at things", you ought to be asking yourself why.

    ReplyDelete
  144. I suspect the forumites miss me on their forum, now that I've been banned, and are crowding over here to beg my attention.

    I'd like to raise the argument that anyone here may possibly dealing with a family illness, but is not making webcomics about it.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Precisely, 9:46. Why don't you go ahead and do that?

    ReplyDelete
  146. BP has terminal Priapism.

    Though comical, no comics are involved.

    ReplyDelete
  147. 9:50: It was 9:38 suggesting that it does. A few reading comprehension exercises might help clear things up for you - call up your local community college, perhaps?

    ReplyDelete
  148. Terminal priapism is by definition not pathological.

    ReplyDelete
  149. Fernie: It was just a third rate troll.

    ReplyDelete
  150. @ Anonymous 9:52,

    We all could use some reading comprehension exercises - and Kegel ones too!

    @ Anonymous 9:54,

    Not if the offense takes place at an airport.

    ReplyDelete
  151. I had sex with a girl with cancer once. She was exhausted from the chemo and fell asleep half way through. I took off the condom and finished off inside her. She figured out what I did the next morning but was so needy she didn't raise a fuss.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Sentences can have more than one meaning, 9:52.

    Maybe you should try again.

    ReplyDelete
  153. @ 10:02

    She had an STD
    She felt releived, not needy.

    ReplyDelete
  154. If I slap my dick against your face any harder, 10:05, it'll just get sore.

    ReplyDelete
  155. And yet I feel nothing, 10:08.

    ReplyDelete
  156. Could you all go back to bugging ALT-F again, before these idiots break out the yo mama jokes?

    That would be quite a low point for all of us.

    ReplyDelete
  157. A life time of slapping has rewarded you with comfortable numbness, 10:10. Can you type anything without it making you look bad?

    @U Kitten: I don't think the sparring with ALTF is any more sophisticated. Less honest, though.

    ReplyDelete
  158. 10:18, yo moma was a pussy.

    ReplyDelete
  159. Yo momma's so fat and stupid, she was in a java class and thought JRE stood for Just Repeat Eating.

    ReplyDelete
  160. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Dearest Non-U Kitten,

    They are not 'buggering' me - at least not in the Eton sense.

    @ Anonymous 10:26,

    If only you could see that which is truly 'bad'. Perhaps flailing your flaccid penis across the keyboard in a more adroit manner would be more visionarily honest?

    ReplyDelete
  162. "a java class"

    If you need a class to learn java, you will never succeed as a programmer.

    ReplyDelete
  163. ALTF, in your wilder days we had sex. I'm fairly sure my penis wasn't flaccid then, although I'd have more trouble around you now.

    ReplyDelete
  164. "A Java Class" refers to teaching etiquette to Komodos at the Surabaya Zoo, you daft idiot.

    @ Anonymous 10:44,

    I recall our tryst with pleasant memories. I am ashamed that I no longer fire your ardor.
    Alas, woe is me.

    ReplyDelete
  165. "If you need a class to learn java, you will never succeed as a programmer. "

    I did say she was stupid. Pay attention.

    ReplyDelete
  166. "I am ashamed that I no longer fire your ardor."

    Who's the non-U now, huh?

    ReplyDelete
  167. cptnoremac: You know that you are currently attending a Java class.

    ReplyDelete
  168. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  169. No, I graduated a year ago. I program for a living.

    And my language of choice is C++, not java.

    ReplyDelete
  170. I reckon 'tis I.

    You have to stop using the terminology of popular discourse of social dialects from the Brit 1950s - people will think you're old.

    What Capt. Cameron means is that he programmes for a living.

    ReplyDelete
  171. That above comment was directed at The Non U Kitten.

    ReplyDelete
  172. Actually, I was trying to say I allow researchers to test their new drugs on me for a living.

    ReplyDelete
  173. The U in my name has very little to do with 1950s Britain.

    It does make me sound old though.

    ReplyDelete
  174. It is a vowel challenged 'I Robot' kinda thing them?

    "U Kitten"
    Starring Derek Jacobi et. al.?

    ReplyDelete
  175. @cptnoremac: No-one who graduated a year ago has a real job as a programmer. Even the Oxbridge and the Ivy League grads are outflanked by the thousands with experience at top firms who have just been made redundant.

    tl;dr Enjoy your father's business and/or fantasy.

    ReplyDelete
  176. It is fecking dead over there Gamer_2x4.
    Besides you let me pollute your comment facility.
    Granted, you do delete me often enough, so, well, yeah, it's a good thing.

    @ Anonymous 11:23,

    Yins sure is a knowledgeable cunt about employment trends in the High-Tech sector. How would I go about not getting a desk-cunt job like y'all have?

    @ Non U kitten,
    It was a brilliant try!

    ReplyDelete
  177. Better a desk-cunt than a slab-cunt, ALTF. But's nothing new under the sun.

    ReplyDelete
  178. Who hyphenates "no one"?

    Maybe you sucked too hard in school to get a good job, but lots of people get jobs right out of college. Stop projecting your failures onto people smarter and more successful than you.

    ReplyDelete
  179. cptnoremac, everyone not on hick side of the Pond hyphenates it.

    I don't believe you got a programming job in the last year straight out of college, sorry. I think you're almost certainly still in education and fantasising about where you'd like to be. There are so many people from the best schools with experience who are looking for a job again that you'd have to be some sort of genius to be selected. Either that or your daddy did you a favour.

    Which is it?

    ReplyDelete
  180. It actually took me two months of interviewing out of college to find this one. It's a semi-small (about 80 employees) business that designs software for utilities. And no, I'm not related to anyone here.

    ReplyDelete
  181. I think the difference is cptnoremac is in America and anon is in England, where it's much harder to find a job.

    ReplyDelete
  182. @ Anonymous 11:31,

    "Slab-cunt"?

    You mean "Slow, Low And Bangin'" like some fully customised automobiles in the deep south of the US of A?

    I don't get it.

    I work for Uncle Sam in Government Property Repo.
    I retrieve from the amputated arms and legs of malicious thieves in S. E. Asia who dare to try and abscond with embedded exploded bits of 45 year old 'American War' Era ordnance they misappropriate from the fields.
    The peculating cunts!

    ReplyDelete
  183. Milking a government-licenced corporate monopoly, eh? You could have made something fancier than that up... but it's certainly the place you're most likely to find dead wood, so you get 7/10 on the plausibility scale.

    Bah, I can't even remember what this argument was about any more. The only people worth trolling are Rob, ALTF and the cuddlefish because they're the only ones who act as if they have reputation to maintain (vicariously, in the last case). I'm in my 30s now and got a programming job straight out of "high school" during the .com boom[tm], so through no work of my own I got to avoid all the shit the current generation has to put up with. Doing something completely different now.

    ReplyDelete
  184. We don't have a government license. There are two other (larger) companies competing with us.

    ReplyDelete
  185. ALTF, despite your lackadaisical pusillanimity you demonstrate an underlying bitterness about US treatment of gooks. This may be your undoing.

    ReplyDelete
  186. cpt, not you, your employer's client. If bottom-feeders had bottoms, your firm'd be feeding from them. But this is the Internet and you're being far too defensive.

    ReplyDelete
  187. why can't you all just die already

    ReplyDelete
  188. Foop is correct. And the situation really is grim for new graduates in England, no matter how intelligent you are. Unfortunately England is full of homosexual milquetoasts, otherwise we'd see something like what has been happening in Madrid.

    ReplyDelete