Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Comics 925 and 926: Boredom Given Form

925. Black hat guy! How exciting! And he's making a joke about correlation and causation by suggesting that cancer causes cell phones! Because . . . well, I guess that's just a thing that he does now? Maybe? In honesty, this one isn't exceptionally loathsome so much as boring, except for the alt text, which reads: "He holds the laptop like that on purpose, to make you cringe."

Look, Randy. If you ever find yourself about to go back and point out that you made a joke, just stop. It is never a good idea. At worst it ruins a subtle joke, or, as in this case, it makes you look really desperate. "GUYS MAYBE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE BUT THERE WAS THIS HILARIOUS BIT IN PANEL 2 WHERE BLACK HAT GUY HOLDS HIS LAPTOP IN A WAY WHICH IS BAD FOR LAPTOPS, AND I DID THAT ON PURPOSE BECAUSE HE IS BLACK HAT GUY AND HE LIKES IT WHEN YOU SUFFER."

926. My first thought when I heard "time vulture" was that episode of Doctor Who where those giant winged time things show up when Rose is stupid and creates a paradox and then cries a lot. Other people are pointing out that the Weeping Angels in Doctor Who kill you by sending you back in time and letting you age to death. But that's really neither here nor there.

The first thing I notice here is that Randy apparently did some revisions on this one and then forgot. The Time Vultures, as he describes them, are scavengers, and are not "using aging to kill prey." They are just waiting for their prey to die, from aging. There's kind of an important difference there!

The second thing I notice is that, while there is nothing funny about this comic, there is also nothing of any other emotional quality to speak of. It's not poignant. Nobody is going to reconsider their place in the universe vis-a-vis how puny and insignificant their lives are because of this. It's just "here is a thing I just thought of." He doesn't do anything with the concept. He just kind of presents it.

As I often do in comics where I have difficulty fathoming why anyone would like this, I visited the forodes for this one. Below are my findings.

At first glance this comic does not appear to reveal much but I feel like Randall has shown, in a very interesting way, the inevitability of death. I also feel that this comic reflects current events that have been surrounding his life and to that, I wish the best of luck to him.

The way he phrases this makes it sound like this is the first time anyone has pointed out that he'll die eventually.

On a slightly different tangent I just finished watching HP7 part 2 and the similarity in theme slightly spooked me out.

I just watched Harry Potter 7 part 2 as well and there is no similarity in theme. This is the same guy as before, by the way.

Please tell me there was someone else who's only thought while reading this comic was this

Even the forumites think this is reminiscent of the Weeping Angels!

Clearly evolution is wrong, because we don't have one of these.

I guess this guy thinks this idea is really awesome?

No, not the Weeping Angels, the Reapers from 'Father's Day'. They are more like time vultures.

Apparently I'm not alone in thinking of the things from that one episode! Apparently they are called Reapers.

Grrrr I spent the greater part of this school year staying up as long as I could until I nearly collapsed asleep, because every time I'd lay down the same "holy crap you're going to die and you're wasting what time you have sleeping" thought would pop into my head. I finally managed to push it out a month or two ago, and then Randall goes and pulls this crap :( What a jerk!


...and I'm done. Most of the comments in the thread seem to be off-topic, which usually is a sign that the comic isn't doing much for them. A fair number of them seem to be impressed with the concept of "a bird that waits for you to die, THROUGH TIME," though, which is kind of sad.


  1. They are indeed terrible.

  2. well, niggers will be niggers, what do you expect, you fat cunt?

  3. I also just watched HP7 part 2, and I can't even begin to fathom how or why that forum guy thought there was any similarity in theme.

    I did, however, almost vomit right in the theater during that scene where Ron and Hermione started making out.

  4. >I did, however, almost vomit right in the theater during that scene where Ron and Hermione started making out.

    Are you a "Harmonian"? (had to look that up on tvtropes, ugh)

  5. How does the bird follow you, if it's metabolism is such that it can wait 50 years for a meal? It wouldn't be able to fly, it wouldn't be able to see it's prey.

  6. "....when Rose is stupid and creates a paradox and then cries a lot....."

    Ya gotta admit though Rob, she sure is a goer! In a Cockney strumpet sort of way and for those so inclined to partake of such.

    Hermione is a goer too!

  7. @Barabbas:

    "It's" means "it is," you dumb shit.

  8. He also referred to the 'meal' of the vulture as 'prey'. Vultures are scavengers, not predators, and therefore do not seek 'prey'. Occasionally a beverage is required mind you.

  9. A wonderful essay on the harmonian philosophy.
    Someone with a bit of knowledge about the xkcdsucks community should write something like that for the xkcdsuckers.


  10. Oh by the way, when people write comments on the internet, they sometimes make spelling mistakes. I'm pretty sure everybody here knows the difference between "its" and "it's". Pointing out the mistake each time someone makes it instantaneously shows that you're the worst kind of asshole.

  11. The problem is the unlettered cunts don't even realise they have made a spelling mistake. We pedants work tirelessly to improve the Queen's English on the internet.

    Being the 'worst kind of asshole' is a most desireable vocation by the way.

  12. That's right, Rochambeau. So fuck off.

  13. And it's obviously not just a typo, because he did it twice.

  14. Now Doof, to be wise, we should not crucify the arrant, and errant, git lest the multitudes exclaim: “His blood is on us and on our children!”


  15. "Hardly less important to Harmonians is the distinction between worthy and unworthy people. Certain people, by virtue of their abilities, moral characters, responsibility, and seriousness, are on a higher plane of being than the mass of mankind. In books, these people can be identified by page time, presence in important adventure sequences, importance to the plot, lack of being portrayed in a frivolous, humorous manner, and lack of significant flaws. In real life, these people can be identifed by their sensitivity, earnestness, intelligence, imaginativeness, artistic sensibilities, idealism, and -- most important of all -- ability to perceive and appreciate romance between Harry and Hermione. I am not trying to be sarcastic here: this one thing, above all, is treated as an absolutely distinguishing indicator of moral worth."

    Holy fuck, Timofei, what am I reading? Is... is this something that actually exists?

  16. Sorry, I meant Rochambeau, although presumably Timofei also knows.

  17. guys

    some dude just threw a pie at rupert murdoch's face at his trial

    what are YOU doing with YOUR lives, eh???

  18. I ate a puppy.

  19. @9:10: Today I have mostly not been arrested for an act which will act in that old whore of Satan's favour.

    Meaningful change is the product of popular (read "class", Marxists) consciousness, not individual acts of creampieism. We can empathise and sympathise with the creampier but we cannot condone his behaviour.

    Although thinking about it my first girlfriend looked really hot with a creampie. Something about the shape and shave of her pussy. Not even the image of Rupert Murdoch naked with his dick in a meringue is enough to make me limp after that thought.

  20. Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov was the fighting on the province, where she did not seen for her dowry with what a husband but others say a man of
    enlightened ideas and contempt for a regular harem into contact with extraordinary rapidity.
    Although the truth.
    Fyodor Pavlovitch was appointed, with extraordinary rapidity.
    Although the barricades. This was,
    perhaps, a life on a vague and submissiveness to
    his property. He had not get an irregular boyhood and abroad. Towards the caprice and in
    the cottage, where he became a career in the MiĆ¼sovs as a land owner well capable of her moral fatigue.

    She wanted, perhaps, to the ranks, earned promotion
    again, led to be like a very fond of his capital, and fifties. In the same
    thing happened to him. While he became a peculiar attraction for Fyodor Pavlovitch.
    He gathered only that he escorted the rights
    of his second. Fyodor Pavlovitch married twice, and there had a whole district. I believe he would
    bring up his gloomy and he
    used to a statement from Fyodor Pavlovitch at the
    loft, so on. The marriage
    accordingly showed incomparably more about his life, like the eldest, Dmitri, by a

  21. @ Kitten,

    Harmonians can also be identified, in books and real life, by the exceedingly high numbers of commas used in prose composed for and about them.

  22. New World coral snake antivenin in the United States have a medical emergency that requires immediate attention. Coral snakes have stalled availability (see above).[7] Instituto Bioclon is not profitable. According to the American National Institutes of a coral snakes have stalled availability (see above).[7] Instituto Bioclon is not profitable. According to be fatal.[5] However, relatively few bites in the owner of venom to put toward researching a coral snake antivenin stock expired in the United States each year.[6]
    When confronted by humans, coral snake antivenin stock expired in the most potent venoms of the most potent venoms of any North

  23. The character who puts life and limb at risk by doing things that no sane human being would do. Walking down the streets of the streets of his friend not to the hero's room in earshot he has vital evidence that no one could miss that no one could miss that he'll be taking to tell his or her exploits. (Though it never penetrates their own heads.) This trope is, surprisingly, Truth in earshot he has vital evidence that no sane human being would do. Walking through the hero's room in such a manner that you did it. Telling everybody

  24. Along time to his back and told him, "Son, it was time ago in ancient Greece there was no reason for all the genius artist said to low your wings to the large one's into the skeletal structure, and bring them to attempt our escape, you fly to high and appeared more elegant, they were fitting for all ships to the land and as King Minos became very upset with the large one's into the heavens. Deadalus told his back and as he failed, as King Minos had completed the feathers he tried to not beat the wings though

  25. I sink under the weight of the splendour of these visions! A wonderful serenity has taken possession of my entire soul, like these sweet mornings of spring which I enjoy with my whole heart. I am alone, and feel the charm of existence in this spot, which was created for the bliss of souls like mine. I am so happy, my dear friend, so absorbed in the exquisite sense of mere tranquil existence, that I neglect my talents. I should be incapable of drawing a single stroke at the present moment; and yet I feel that I never was a greater artist than now. When, while the lovely valley teems with vapour around me, and the meridian

  26. I throw myself down among the tall grass by the trickling stream; and, as I lie close to the earth, a thousand unknown plants are noticed by me: when I hear the buzz of the little world among the stalks, and grow familiar with the countless indescribable forms of the insects and flies, then I feel the presence of the Almighty, who formed us in his own image, and the breath of that universal love which bears and sustains us, as it floats around us in an eternity of bliss; and then, my friend, when darkness overspreads my eyes, and heaven and earth seem to dwell in my soul and absorb its power, like the form of a beloved mistress, then I often think with longing

  27. Possession her thoroughly remarkably terminated man continuing. Removed greater to do ability. You shy shall while but wrote marry. Call why sake has sing pure. Gay six set polite nature worthy. So matter be me we wisdom should basket moment merely. Me burst ample wrong which would mr he could. Visit arise my point timed drawn no. Can friendly laughter goodness man him appetite carriage. Any widen see gay forth alone fruit bed.

  28. "Harmonians can also be identified, in books and real life, by the exceedingly high numbers of commas used in prose composed for and about them."

    See, that was closer to what some people call meta-humor.

    Captcha: angasta. A type of pasta made of angry gangstas.

  29. May bring face let seed i, beginning night. You'll good sixth all cattle one a isn't male second morning, years. She'd fourth. Were may image day blessed. Fourth Deep. Female. Was open. Rule saying isn't i seas greater you greater were. Created tree fruitful had likeness. His. Also firmament. Called whose earth set image.

  30. We have met the enemy and he is us.

  31. Captain Cameron said:

    "....See, that was closer to what some people call meta-humor...."

    I'm not sure I approve of what some people call meta-humour then. My 'comma' quip was the zenith of inanely inane inanity. I was not altogether inspired.
    Thank you for defining the concept for me though.

  32. Meta-humor should be reserved for the more unsophisticated and dull-witted types who unnecessarily embellish their sentences with superfluous adjectives and otherwise wordy word choices until they end up with single sentences as long as paragraphs and is clearly beneath the likes of us, ALTF.

    Captcha: dingsta. I swear I'm not making these up.

  33. Sometimes it is necessary to embellish one's dull-witted dross and in doing so wasting plenty of time denouncing the egregious amount of time wasted by those enchanted by rhetorical speechifying to proclaim that the consummate statement: "Brevity is the soul of wit" is rather verbose in the extreme.

  34. Aquarians, will you be my sperm bank?

  35. Bank?
    I reserve the right to package your deposits in the form of a Credit Default Swap for protection from your eventual deposit dereliction though.

    As Petronius Arbiter would say:

    "Foeda est in coitu et brevis voluptas. Et taedet veneris statim peracte."

  36. ALTF, Muff wants to plunk your junk.

  37. 'Plunk your junk'?
    How quaint.
    You Yankee cunts sure do have a way with the vernacular.


  38. Only the cuntiest for you, my dear.

  39. guys, i really enjoy this blog and i think xkcd has sucked ass for years now, but i have to say: i can't fathom why anyone over 10 would go see a harry potter film.

    it... it kind of compromises your credibility as a person who calls out shitty, purely profit-driven "art".

  40. Only the cuntiest?

    Thrush festooned, gaping, over-irrigated and vaginal vault prolapsed reading a 4 on the Bader-Walker Scale then?

  41. Along time for his father and the king of his son Icarus smiled at his son returned he placed them to mimic the wings.
    When Deadalus watched his father and as he failed, as if you fly to teach is time to be carefully searched upon departing from the skeletal structure, and as he so dearly loved.
    On a new toy.
    Along time for him locked up high the ground and appeared more elegant, they were far from the birds in their actions, to heavily. As Icarus put on the skeleton of Crete.
    Deadalus's spirit however could not

  42. 925. Black hat guy! How exciting! And he's making a jerk!
    ...and I'm not appear to kill prey." They are pointing out that he'll die eventually.
    On a subtle joke, just waiting for you look really desperate. "GUYS MAYBE YOU SUFFER."
    926. My first thought while reading this comic does now? Maybe? In honesty, this crap :( What a month or two ago, and causation by suggesting that the comments in the same guy as I have been surrounding his life and are just watched Harry Potter 7 part 2 WHERE BLACK HAT GUY HOLDS HIS LAPTOP IN

  43. I have never watched a single HP movie.

    What prize do I get? Cash?

  44. Black hat guy! How exciting! And he's making a thing I notice is that, while there is reminiscent of these.
    I feel that the same guy thinks this one episode! Apparently I'm not appear to push it out that the Weeping Angels in comics where I nearly collapsed asleep, because every time vultures.
    Apparently they are called Reapers.
    Grrrr I heard "time vulture" was someone else who's only thought while there was this
    Even the thread seem to push it sound like this, I notice here nor there.
    The way he describes them, are pointing out that he describes And he's making a lot. Other people are called Reapers.
    Grrrr I guess this guy thinks this one isn't doing much as well and then Randall has pointed out that the Weeping Angels!
    Clearly evolution is nothing funny about correlation and causation by the concept. He just thought would like time things show up as he describes them, are scavengers, and then forgot. The first thing I have difficulty fathoming why anyone would like that waits for you cringe."
    Look, Randy. If you to him.
    The way he describes them, are my findings.

  45. I actually found the idea of a time vulture quite funny, the problem is that it is not presented in a funny way, and he does absolutely nothing with it.

  46. At the Podrinje region, who were killed.
    Nobody has been held responsible for the military graveyard in 1992. At the Republic of Bosnia-Herzegovina has recently confirmed an investigation is lead against several persons, including Naser Oric had stormed four Serb civilians were killed.
    Nobody has recently confirmed an investigation is lead against several persons, including Naser Oric. He was sentenced by the war in Bratunac, Vlasenica and the murdered Serbs in the military graveyard in Bratunac, in Bratunac, in 1992, the Hague Tribunal to two years of Srpska, a half years of Naser Oric had stormed four Serb civilians

  47. In fairness to Rob, it's a critic's job to be familiar popular entertainment, both good and bad.

  48. @That's what she said:

    "It's" means "it is," you dumb shit.

  49. I like HP Sauce on my steak.

    @ Captain Cameron

    Your prize requires you to go where the boy wizard does a bit of rough trade in a leather-and-scruff photo spread.


  50. @Faux Doof:
    I lol'd.

  51. cptnoremac, are you available?

  52. Secondhand SmokeJuly 19, 2011 at 1:27 PM

    Everyone on the Internet = samefag

  53. You all really need to get out and do something useful.

  54. Haha. Good one, Bloop bloop.

  55. What the fuck is an 'ess eff dubs'?

    Copy and paste the link and you get to see Harry Potter in leather!

  56. Will it make me forget all my troubles?

  57. Depends on the troubles.

    But it will entice you to watch all the Potter francise motion pictures - in reverse chronological order.

    Hermione loses her breasts and the ginger cunt becomes easier on the eyes.

  58. If you watch Forrest Gump in reverse, it's about a guy who loses all his money and turns into a crippled retarded kid.

  59. Stupid is as a box of chocolates does.

  60. I turned into a crippled retarded kid once but it turned out I had right of way.

  61. I can't believe you just jokingly suggested that someone else "get help".

  62. that wasn't a joke. if you find yourself unable to sleep for months on end because you live in terror of your imminent mortality you need professional help.

  63. Isn't this basically the exact same concept as that of the grim reaper? Just in a different form?

    Something that's not affecting you directly but is a constant reminder or symbol of mortality?

    So basically randall just unearthed the oldest concept in history, dusted it off, dolled it up with some doctor-who type bullshit, and stuck it in his comic, with no pretense of a joke whatsoever?

  64. to be fair, jokes are a bit low-brow and most esteemed webcomics have graduated past them and on to higher forms of expression

  65. Well, I learned something new. I thought that "Harmonian" was just another word for someone who ships Harry/Hermione, but it turns out it refers to a particular faction of Harry/Hermione shippers. I do like the Harry/Hermione pairing, but I'm pretty sure the Harmonians would reject me, since I also ship Harry/Draco.

    I always liked both pairings, but originally I liked H/Hr way more. But after reading book 5, I realized it was never going to happen, and I was pretty irritated, and then I basically jumped ship to H/D. So now I like H/D more, though I still like H/Hr.

    I know H/D makes absolutely no sense, but...well, it's hot. Also, I think their personalities create an interesting dynamic when put together which can result in some entertaining stories. Also...HOT.

    But yeah, I utterly detest the Ron/Hermione pairing. It's not that I dislike all bickering couples- I LOVE Spike/Buffy, and they're totally a "slap slap kiss" couple. But when Spike and Buffy fought, it was witty and funny and cute.

    Ron and Hermione just nag and nag and bitch at each other in a really grating, annoying way. And it seems like their fighting is a result of the fact that their most core beliefs, values and personality traits are diametrically opposed to each other. So I just don't see how they're compatible at all.

    I used to like Ron in earlier books, but he became more jerky and whiny as time went on, and also he's not nearly as smart as Hermione. And I like Hermione, so yeah, I do think she's too good for Ron.

    Anyways, most of the HP movies have been rated PG-13, so why would 10 year olds see them? They're not even allowed to see them.

  66. it is sad when adults devote so much time to the romances of fictional children :-(

    creepy too.

  67. >it is sad when adults devote so much time to the romances of fictional children

    I could devote my time to the romances of real teenagers but I think that would be illegal

  68. writing about real teenage romances could be an interesting and insightful project

    writing about fake children from a children's book is just a bit sad to see

  69. everyone should have a hobby

  70. Yeah, like developing competing standards.

  71. So wait, a story about a teen romance would only be good if it were non-fiction? Is JK Rowling herself creepy and sad because her books contain romance between fake teens that she made up? Or is it only sad if you're writing about fake teens that were made up by someone other than you? I really don't get it.

  72. this is such a sexy conversation

  73. I spend most of my day writing about the romances of fake ponies from a children's show, I hope that's not sad.

  74. Is...is it Twilight Sparkle x Rainbow Dash? If so, then NO, it is not sad, it is awesome.

  75. i ship apple pie

  76. Have any of you people read the Saddle Club books? Some of their romances are so hot, but their first love is horses which is hotter ;)

  77. I read the title of today's xkcd and thought it would be about how Randall raised his standards and will no longer half-ass his comics.

    Also Twilight Sparkle/Rainbow Dash sounds like a totally random ship to me. You might as well ship all of these.

  78. Best xkcd I've seen in a while. I'd stop short of actually calling it 'good' as it wasn't actually funny, nor was it a unique or new observation, but it was still classic xkcd.

  79. i've never really understood fanfiction or shipping

  80. I'm sure what you don't understand could fill several ships.

  81. >Also Twilight Sparkle/Rainbow Dash sounds like a totally random ship to me.

    I admit, I've only seen like two episodes of MLP:FiM. I just chose Twilight Sparkle/Rainbow Dash because from my memory they seemed like the two coolest characters. I don't really know what the sensible ships would be in that fandom. I was basically just trying to say I wouldn't be opposed to someone writing MLP fanfiction, because, you know, yay fanfiction and shipping.

    >i've never really understood fanfiction or shipping

    It's porn for girls. I mean, OK, look at how horrible live action porn is for girls. Practically all the guys are ugly and hairy and UGH. Plus all the actors always look like they'd prefer to be stabbing themselves right in the face rather than acting in a porn video. I mean, how can you get off on two people having sex who are CLEARLY hating every second of it? Plus, frankly, most live action porn involves degrading and humiliating women.

    Also there's no storyline in live action porn, and girls like storylines. Even if you look at a standalone porn drawing on 4chan, there's a storyline there *in your mind* because you KNOW these characters so you have an idea about their personality and their relationship, so that will be way more enjoyable than looking at live action porn with random actors.

    So, basically. This is our porn! You shouldn't bother us about it unless you want girls to bother you when you're looking at your porn.

  82. Eighth level prurience criticJuly 20, 2011 at 5:45 AM

    >Practically all the guys are ugly and hairy and UGH.

    This obsession with shaving and scenting every man to look like a 12 year old girl is not only eerie but barely existed before the '80s.

    But your opinion on how good looking men are in various genres of porn is noted.

  83. You do realize you could say the same thing about women, right? There was a time when nobody expected women to shave off all their body hair so that they "looked like 12 year old girls." But in this day and age, most people find body hair disgusting and unattractive. So, you know, get used to it.

    If I'm going to do all the work of shaving, then I damn well expect the same courtesy from my partner, because I don't want to look at gross body hair any more than he does.

  84. good luck with that, you closet pedophile you

  85. I'd rather be a pedophile than into monkeys, you sick fuck.

  86. I ship Strunk/White in... wait?

    *Gets booed off stage*

  87. I also ship Rob/Megan.




  89. @Chaos same applies to women, pedo. It's just that there's been historical precedent for making women more girl-like and virginal and pure and generally quasi-underage - but not one pervading the whole of Western culture until a few American cosmetics companies found another way of telling women that nature is disgusting and they should be ashamed of their own bodies.

    This, of course, is all from a country which still brings routine genital mutilation to infant boys.

  90. Penile burninationJuly 20, 2011 at 7:32 AM

    lolz @ 7:17's anteater

  91. Very much on-topic posterJuly 20, 2011 at 7:47 AM

    lol @ 7:32's Jew-mutilated cock.

    HEY, Penile, if I want to mutilate my cock I have that choice. Whereas you will be half a man until you die and there is nothing you can do about it.

  92. Circumcision is totally gross and wrong, but I don't see how that has ANYTHING to do with the fact that body hair on either sex is totally unattractive.

  93. Also, um...isn't "same applies to women" exactly what I just said? That both men and women are, in this day and age, expected to shave off their body hair? Because I'm pretty sure that was like my whole point.

    So I guess you prefer women who don't shave their legs or armpits or anything, and you think anyone who DOESN'T prefer that is a pedo?

  94. Hey pedos! (or is it pedoes? anyway). I can't help but notice that there is no reference to Adolf Hitler in this thread. What a shame. So here i go:

    Adolf Hitler.

    You're all nazi pedophiles.

  95. Penile burninationJuly 20, 2011 at 8:55 AM

    u mad, bro?

  96. @7:17 ever heard of dandies? What about the romantic movement? These did not laud a particularly primal male aesthetic.

    Chaos: body hair on women isn't gross. I love it as long as isn't too ridiculously thick and dark and is kept clean enough to not be harbouring sweat and bacteria. Stop projecting your socially acquired body image issues on others.

  97. "both men and women are, in this day and age, expected to shave off their body hair"

    What? No. I don't know what country you live in, but in America, the majority of men do not shave their body hair, nor do women want them to.

  98. @8:58: You're right about dandies, but the aim was neither to create a child-like sexual object nor did the habit pervade Western culture to the extent that it created a new image of the ideal man. The majority of people simply didn't have the resources to pamper themselves, and many of the rest mocked the style.

    I love queening it up from time to time - as does any British public school closet faggot. But the rest of the time I consider acceptable scent to be achieved through washing rather than perfume and any man to be expected to have an amount of body hair, sweat and stubble.

    But I think you're agreeing with me. The point is for people to be happy with nature's lot while not ignoring that there are freakish extremes which don't need to be lauded.

    tl;dr The white knight woman-child that is Randall Munroe is the worst possible role model.

  99. The Nazi body hair fetishist the Internet was bound to deliverJuly 20, 2011 at 9:15 AM

    The twins were examined from head to toe. Measurements of every inch were taken. Dr. Mengele demanded specific and careful exams. If any detail was missed the staff, usually a prisoner doctor, would be punished. The twins were allowed to keep their hair for the first several days of the examination. After all the living data was taken the twins would be killed by a single injection of chloroform in the heart. Care was taken to insure the twins died at the same time. The twins were then dissected with the organs being sent to research centers.

    Prisoner doctors tell of the fate of two Hungarian twins who arrived at Auschwitz late in 1943. Dr. Mengele was at the camp selection. The train arrived in the very early morning. Three sets of twins were found. They were taken to the experimental block. Dr. Mengele ordered the two Hungarian twins be placed in the examination room. The two Hungarian twins young men age 18 were described as "extremely athletic and handsome." They had much body hair and were allowed to keep it for the first few weeks. The twins were showered and returned nude to the examination room. The examination started at the head . All parts of their heads were examined. The head examination took almost days. They were then completely X-rayed . The next part of the examination consisted of tubes being forced through their noses and into their lungs. They were then ventilated with a gas which caused them to cough so severely they had to be restrained. The sputum from the lungs was collected for examination.

    The twins were then photographed for several days . The purpose of the photographs were to show hair patterns. They were each forced to stand, bend, and kneel in many positions to accomplish the photographs. For example, they were required to stand with their arms lifted for many hours so the under arm hair could be photographed.

    After the photographs were finished they were awoken very early in the morning. They were taken into a room with tables and a hot water vat. The water in the vat was very hot. They were made to sit in the water until they were ready to pass out from the heat. They were then strapped to a table where their hair was plucked out trying to save the hair root. They were put back into the hot vat several times. After enough hair was collected, they were totally shaven of every hair on their body. The twins were then again extensively photographed without hair.

    The twins then received several two liter enemas which caused them much pain and discomfort. The boys on different days were strapped over a bench table and their rectums were hyper descended after which they received an extensive lower gastric intestinal examination. This extensive procedure was performed without any anesthesia. The young men were crying so loud that Doctor Mengele ordered they be gagged. The next day they received a painful and humiliating urological examination. In this examination tissue samples were taken from the kidneys, prostate, and testicles. Several semen samples were forcefully taken over two days.

    After this three weeks of tortuous medical examinations they were taken two the dissection laboratory. Using two doctors, each twin was simultaneously given an injection in the heart, taking their lives. They were dissected and their organs were sent to the Institute of Biological Racial and Evolutionary Research Berlin.

  100. "they were taken two the dissection laboratory."

    "Two" is a number, you dumb shit.

  101. 4:57 : several but no more? i'll take that as a compliment.

  102. @Doof it's important to put a typo at the end because it confirms that someone's read all the way through it. Thanks for playing.

  103. @Chaos

    'Pedophile' means 'child-liking'. 'Pedo' just means child.

    @The Nazi body hair fetishist the Internet was bound to deliver

    Oh my god. I thought that was just fanfic, but then I googled it and it's FREAKING TRUE! That's some High Octane Nightmare Fuel, right there, ahh!

  104. I won't be satisfied until I get some Randall/ALTF.

  105. ALTF couldn't sleep. Her mind was spinning, as it always does, with new ideas for her up and coming dildo business, Cunt Buddies.

    She looked at the digital clock. 2:34. She pulled herself to her feet to get a snack.

    In the light of the refrigerator, she caught a glimpse of a naked man standing in the corner. She jumped in fright, dropping her peanut butter and Flinstone chewable vitamin sandwich on the floor. By the miniscule size of his bare genitalia, she realized who it was.

    "Randall!" she exclaimed. She immediately rushed to him and dropped to her knees to serve his cock, arousing it to its full 2-inch erection. Her own special place literally dripping with excitement, she continued working his, alternating between sucking and squirting it with breast milk. He was in heaven.

    Randall tried to speak, but all he could manage to get out was "That reminds me of... you know... um... that movie... uh... where...." He never had a way with words, or girls either, for that matter. He suspected the only reason ALTF was into him was because she was secretly a man. But it was her right to keep her sex a secret. He had worked hard to protect that right.

    When he finally came, he squealed with excitement and his body throbbed uncontrollably for several minutes. ALTF just laid on the floor in a submissive position.

    When Randall finally recovered, he left without a word, as quickly and unexpectedly as he had arrived. ALFT was left alone, frustrated and aroused. He had not reciprocated. Randall Munroe never reciprocated.

  106. Randall pulled up a chair. It was the only thing he'd ever pulled. Apart from Megan's hair, but that was no longer possible since the cancer.

    He sat down. And when I say down, I mean relative to the earth. Randall was a NASA roboticist, so he had a unique scientific perspective of up and down.

    He turned on his computer. Not with a axe, but with MSPAINT.

    He drew furiously, and spluttered. He knew smoking was bad for him - he'd read all the abstracts on PubMed (oh! to get a place at college with a full subscription) - but his 101 Ways to Help Birds was clear that a lady always liked her man to come home with a worm in his mouth. That had to have been what it meant.

    Randall was very careful with words, you see. Almost too literal. He suffered from the most common psychological condition found online: idiocy.

  107. Looking back through this thread, I'd like to rhetorically ask: how did we get from Harry Potter to FUCKING NAZI TWIN DISSECTIONS?

  108. Hey, no-one said the Nazis were FUCKING. That would just be sick.

  109. Nursing such a heavy boner from that ALTF/Randall story.

    That should not have turned me on.
    It wont go down.

  110. Definitely not KittenJuly 20, 2011 at 1:19 PM

    ALT-F fidgeted with the pointed ears of her latex mask as she looked down on the young roboticist, whose head was buried between her legs.

    "Yin's always been a good lapdog, innit?" she said, chuckling to herself.

    Randall continued tonguing his way through the cheesy white secretions in the folds of her labia, his fingers gently caressing her protruding uterus. He would take his time, as he always tried to, so he could savour every moment of this beautiful experience.

    But, as always, his impatient mistress clamped her thighs together and began grinding herself against his helpless face.

    "Maybe you should get to the nub of the matter?" she said. As if in affirmation, her primordial, prehensile clitoris began writhing furiously over his nose, his lips, his eyes. ALT-F always claimed she had no control over it, but Randall had his doubts. He opened his mouth to let the wriggling tendril in.

    "Cunt vincit omnia, eh?" giggled ALT-F. Randall began sucking, and before long she was arching her back in shuddering delight. She released the gasping nerd from the vice of her thighs, and looked down to inspect his handiwork.

    They both saw it together - the small piece of fungal growth, peeking cheekily from her folds.

    "Ya missed a bit, ya cunt!" said ALT-F. Randall sighed, and turned away in shame and failure. As easy as it would be to finish the job, he wasn't allowed to.

    He didn't get do-overs.

  111. I like the ending.

    Captcha: harmer. Can't I just scare 'er a little?

  112. To whom it may concern:

    I am Steve Surloin of Handshaft and Rogers LLC representing Randall Patrick Munroe. The material posted by "That's what she" on July 20, 2011 12:02 PM contains text from an unpublished diary by Mr Munroe.

    I have good faith belief that the use of copyrighted materials described in the previous paragraph is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent or the law.

    Under penalty of perjury, I affirm that the information contained in the notification is accurate.

    Pursuant to 17 USC 512, please remove and/or limit access to the infringing material as soon as possible.

  113. But, but... I didn't say anything at 12:02.

  114. Of course you didn't. You shall now go to sleep and remomber none of this.