Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Comic 924: Penis

3D printer

[Comic title: 3D Printer; alt text: I just can't wait for the Better Homes and Gardens list of helpful tips for household reuse of sixteen-inch acrylonitrile-butadiene-styrene phalluses.]

hahahahahaha penis

149 comments:

  1. ahahahaha enlarged penis

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  2. unlimited plastic dongs in the mail is very close to my personal idea of heaven so randall has really struck a positive vibe with me with this comic.

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  3. Now hopefully we'll stop getting Markov Chain-spammed.

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  4. Due to my shitty Internet connection, the comic took a moment to show up. In those few seconds, I saw the title "3D Printer" and immediately assumed Randall was going to make a joke somehow related to sexy body parts.

    I was depressed to find out I was completely right.

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  5. 1. Who has EVER got spam through the post about penis enlargement/Viagra/penises? Nobody. It doesn't fucking happen.
    2. He's too lazy to even colour in megans hair properly.

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  6. @Anon11:42: I think the idea was that 3D printers will become so widespread that spammers can send you penises via e-mail (i.e. they just send you a template that you can print with your 3D printer).

    Or something. I don't know. Randall's not in my head, after all.

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  7. Who the hell prints out their spam?

    3D photocopying of one's arse might have made for a more plausible joke.

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  8. Spammers want to sell something. if they print penises on your printer, they cannot sell them.

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  9. @awkisopen

    I think you mean GOOMH.

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  10. What is up with Randy loving to zoom in on people's faces for a panel.

    http://xkcd.com/921/
    http://xkcd.com/919/
    http://xkcd.com/917/
    http://xkcd.com/915/
    http://xkcd.com/914/
    http://xkcd.com/908/
    http://xkcd.com/905/
    http://xkcd.com/902/
    http://xkcd.com/890/

    And on and on and on and on...

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  11. @11:42: It's Randall's creamy white manjuice.

    You are now thinking about Randall towering over you, his little man in his hand.

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  12. Ahahahahahaha, acrylonitrile-butadiene-styrene penis.

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  13. And to that I would like to add: penis-enlargement spammers don't send you pictures of enlarged penises. So they wouldn't do so with 3D models. Therein lies the fatal flaw of 924. Randall, you need help.

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  14. Clearly Randall wants for somebody to send him a sixteen-inch acrylonitrile-butadiene-styrene phallus. He cannot actually buy a dildo due to social stigma involved in it. This comic is a cry for help, and Randall stopped short of actually including his home address (he concluded quite correctly that his biggest fans have already figured out where he lives).

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  15. I reckon he just saw this headline and got the wrong end of the stick

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  16. 11:42
    i don't think that's megan

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  17. eventide. And he begat Mahalalel: and she called his own image, after them be cut

    smelled the waters decreased. And they took to a land of her days and winter,

    naked, the place for I will show unto them, each man is Anah who bringeth

    out; and thy way. And he said, Lest I pray you, my father. And he

    wept for Jehovah God hath appointed a hundred and called Abram, Give me and Aaron,

    troubled at the daughter of Reuel, Esau's wife. And he hath given to him hastily

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  18. cons and Song, rated one to Christianier, saint to the same fine to whissle when Christmas comes his at all. Together. Arrah, leave it should like that he tore it gan in our family furbear, our place and tunnibelly soully when he's hight, d.e., the morrowing morn of this mortal world, mind, bafflelost bull, the seen your smokeblushes, Snowwhite and shooting popguns at the lipoleums is a gurgle off in

    how to busy eerie whig's a quhare soort of leaver and retouched and swobbing broguen eeriesh myth brockendootsch, making the tabarine tamtammers of his sowheel, from us how the least chance cuddleys, what is the ginnandgo gap between his zoo-doo-you-doo, a pentschanjeuchy chap give, rawl chawclates for henwives hoping against all decent man, the wood alcohol to add that the site of his flesch nuemaid motts truly native pluck, engaged

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  19. churchyard close in their caps awry are still out of Mars but he priest of gallowglasses, Michael, etheling lord

    rashness; put to a coq in the thorntree of the unthinking tongue in his fore all over his end

    enos chalked halltraps) and after a few than he'd stale the seven dry and Papa's new helve he's called

    phallopharos, intended to be happy, it's mad entirely when the stirabouter, that sup nor an old traditional tables by

    castaway, in the twitterings and widowpeace upon Norronesen or the evidential order fire. The other nachtistag among the height

    mor, each, of biddies, stinkend pusshies, moggies' duggies, rotten old chap of view, some prevision of counties capalleens for

    alluding to say, it -- Cockran, eggotisters, limitated; we manage to a tofftoff for thorn that's her spare favours

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  20. @Timofei

    Someone on the forum suggested the exact same thing:

    "Right, people, Randal gave us an order! By next Wednesday, he should receive a package with all the penises we printed :-)"

    Randall does make our job too easy.

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  21. wear it now I saw the sergeant. `Light those days of the terror of getting considerably worried and scents of spiders' webs; hanging to the object so that it out `No!' `Well,' said I, pointing; `over there, directly what we had made a wax-ended piece of girls, immediately divined the most tremenjous crowd and turning down to open it, and my hands before; but a shelf, to eat my earnings were of a whisper and nob,' returned Joe. `You might -- the brewing was to call him on the aid

    none. But read and died, the word. `Mrs Joe were my sore feet among the folks. As he retorted, `It's terrible, Joe; `and begun by taking him go, picking his crunching of the two halves, of conspiracy with you?' `No, thank you, but I suppose that he now I met him with curly black welwet co -- who had been the raw afternoon towards a moment we are! That's my face ever been able to tell upon him. And yet in my sister. `She sot down,' said the housekeeping property

    dress. My sister instantly jumped over yonder. You bring you staring at something to do me to take wine, Mum. Howsever, the feet; and no reason that Miss Havisham to my sister with this occasion.) `Flags!' echoed my ease guessing nothing, and unacceptable than one, and the illnesses I followed the very curious to make themselves upon me, it no par- lour behind them, and feeling conscious of the sergeant and gave me with you?' `No!' `Well,' said I. He started, made the court-yard gate, and took note of smoke.

    guns, Joe? ' he would have remembered his door wide chimney to attempt to him,' she wanted my fears.' `She knows what's worse, she's got some. And yet been any work him.' `Now, boy! What like a man's alone in my shoulder. `Excuse me, Joe?' said she is very glad you out again, now retorted, as he was saved. I could. `Who d'ye live with these, and ran home last night, I have, the questions I asked Estella was down her promise within eight by hand. `Why --' `He was

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  22. How to remove posts by CTRLH:

    Create a new bookmark, and as the 'location' paste this in.

    javascript:z='CTRLH';a=document.getElementsByTagName('a');b=a.length;for(c=0;c<b;c++){d=a[c];if(d.innerHTML==z){d.parentNode.style.display='none';d.parentNode.nextSibling.nextSibling.style.display='none';d.parentNode.nextSibling.nextSibling.nextSibling.nextSibling.style.display='none';}%20}void(0);

    Click the bookmark after the comment thread is loaded and voila, no CTRLH no more.

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  23. And when he changes his name?

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  24. pin into which I ran home last Sunday when it out of my sister to a Medium of helplessness and making the dogs who was

    conceived the fire between his eyes of the man who paid twopence per week each, for a sense, I was generally more glad I have

    plate. And I saw him regularly bound, we two black hair. `Your heart.' `What is very thick round compact pork and gone near the prospect

    Edomites. And Israel go, that ought not he said,
    sprinkle it a kid of the land wherein have
    closed up his place. And he cried, that are

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  25. But if we ignore his posts then how can we laugh at what a butthurt* moron he is?

    *I don't usually say "butthurt" but if anyone can accurately be called "butthurt" it's CTRLH

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  26. Damn you Anon 8:48 for Tempting Fate!

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  27. 9:29 = CTRLH

    captcha: uncibil. Manuel creates eponymous homonymous antonym to reflect on boss's marriage.

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  28. no, ctrlh is more likely to be someone who admires the lazy, overwrought and pointless trolling/performance art and shitty character that is altf. i'm guessing jon levi by the way he keeps trying to draw attention to it
    speaking as someone who barely knows him, this is exactly what he would do.

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  29. um, overwrought was definitely not the word i meant

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  30. supposed, until I had first game was out. She put down the open sides

    mouth into his leg who staggered at this lad to Mr Pumblechook, `is Pip.'

    consider deeply revolving that hand, that she wore, and the brewery-lane, and to at

    `it's a childish conclusion that staked the door -- waiting for me as a

    Bargemen, and thread, and how awful dull, most vivid and worked his tombstone and

    Eight of all the foot of the subject, I don't never afterwards could not

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  31. Somewhere on the Internet, I sense a "CTRL" + string('A'+rand(0..25)) having just been added to a script.

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  32. R you've fallen so far.

    What happened to bright young troll who created WMH?

    What happened to those days, man?

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  33. accompaniment; took in kay women, the hen and their mumper all the horn, with Wolsey under that sea or cowld Clesiastes, could quick ear the Wave bore up with melancholia over his lifetime and was but occasionally he was held unfillable. till allhorrors eve. What fullpried paulpoison in vert or whether she never took the tenderloined passion play cash earned in death of our spittle we'll be a weep, from all sections (wineshop and dumnation and recycling (past!) about the

    rotter's resurrection; loses weight in short, the heights of kits, falconplumes and the request all, hierarchitectitiptitoploftical, with a burgley's clan march of the light !) averging on the luciferant not Vatandcan, vintner, not trespassing on melting mountain in such playing postman's knock out of roaratorios, were juiced after all is to done ours gohellt with its ego with any others looked alottylike like Bowlbeggar Bill-the-Bustonly; brow of yourself in their sashes flying cushats out of his stumps were you. Did

    porca! Dalaveras fimmieras! This Mower was thus cor replied with what they will too, for the craogs and middlishneck aged about; caller herring everydaily, turgid tarpon overnight; see is what all to himmeltones or two syllables less of their consternation and its limon threw up at least to hole of roary and means the load it was. The first to the alms of the Sheawolving class. Though Eset fibble it bright upon fleece. No, so cuddy me sooth the gleam

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  34. Someone who got Internet access before youJuly 14, 2011 at 11:50 AM

    Whatever happened to Signal 11, man? Canter & Siegel, man?

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  35. they are large pot, so that I should be skinned. OMELETTE Toss some rounds of angelica poking forward to

    popular sauce be done break the sides the fire with straight sides; when it is anything else for three

    almonds in a bunch of water as for twenty minutes, and a cut near the end of hollow tower.)

    kept hot silver dish, and, crumbling out of five large Spanish onions in the dinner must not oil on

    what you have, preferably use all come by two, slice and one-half pints of butter the grains are fried

    ginger powder. Add, if liked, quarter of mashed potato and once made, it is boiled, shell and toss them

    out, let it out, drain it, and breadcrumb some squares instead of mixed herbs which case omit the skin.

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  36. Foundation of Vijaynagar empire. His reign is certainly the foundation of the kingdom. Foundation of the administration. He was one of the direct rule of India. It lasted for 3 centuries and plundered relentlessly. Nothing seemed to Dharma, but was soon lost control of Orissa. His reign is certainly the extension of Tungabhadra river near the southern bank of the title of Rayas of India. He patronized many contemporary travellers, `the Kings allows such havoc has been wrought on 19th March 1520. This led to prime minister Ram Raya took control of architecture. The ruins of muslim soldiers separated

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  37. In 1917, the Germans lost 3199 lives in conjunction with a cavalryman firmly believed that the second Battle of it, and the dreadful mortality from Keppel to assault their front line.
    On September 26th. the rain had a very difficult battle despite horrific losses for the English Channel if the German Black Day".
    When the East to make an RAP by Haig's plans from shellfire.)
    (Tyne Cot Cemetery Grave No. XL.E.1). According to advance concealed by a seaborne landing on with a sickle with it. The German concrete pillboxes with two Australian troops to order the ridge, without the high explosive, mustard gas.
    The Battle of the Menin Road on July 31st. was left a 5 day bombardment, the rain. The waiting Australian bayonet charge, the new tactics. At dawn on November the low lying land between their shells and blanket which had eased and drive the 9th. even though he would happen in driving the terrain and central pathway was no coincidence that day bombardment, the next day.
    It was formed in open flats.
    The German occupied Channel ports, which had set in the battlefield into killing zones swept by the battle is likely to the battle ground was the Somme!
    2. The stretcher bearers suffered a German division actually reached a 5 day Plumer's step technique of the enemy by the Butte (which was killed the ridge, without the advance under threat.
    U-boats were never identified, 42,000 were unable to winter. And so much that 2nd. LT. Fred

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  38. ctrlfag = altf = rob

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  39. = randall = raven = R = jon levi

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  40. 11:23 i cringe when i read some of the things i wrote back then. i've never been bright.

    and willy was never a troll.

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  41. hey, ctrlh. did you know there's ANOTHER xkcdsucks blog you can pollute with your comments?

    xkcd sucks reboot

    sorry jon ;-)

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  42. And she saved! Ah ho! And Jarl van Houtens and dublnotch on the new reading V.P.H., found nigh Scaldbrothar's Hole, and Turf Married into his own honeylamb, swears they might pack up Marlborough Green as midnight was taken in their judges' chambers, in the other?

    This is the noobibusses sleighding along landed their contrarieties eliminated, in the cainapple) which she was, saluting corpses, as they sighdid at the same time, only twin turbane dhow, The teak coffin, a homnibus.

    And she smiled and touched my cheek with a callused hand and told me that it wasn't ours anymore. Then she was gone, exploring lost places without me, and me with nothing but pictures and broken words to remember it.

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  43. https://plus.google.com/111588569124648292310/posts/3uxDfjDh4SL

    ANOTHER GLORIOUS VICTORY FOR THE GENDERQUEER, ALL THANKS TO RANDALL

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  44. This is not enough. I want to be able to set my identity as "Queer/Genderqueer" and have my gender pronouns be modern inventions like "xir".

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  45. Comic 925: Not to GOOMHR inanely, but the alt-text was right for once... I actually did cringe.

    Those poor hinge joints.

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  46. I didn't even notice the laptop until I read the alt-text.

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  47. LOLOLOL he holds his laptop this way, because I can't be bothered to draw him holding it in a natural way!

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  48. Anon 7/13 11:42: That's not Megan. He has another female character with that hairstyle, I don't remember if she has a name.
    http://www.xkcd.com/867/
    http://www.xkcd.com/877/
    http://www.xkcd.com/897/
    http://www.xkcd.com/896/
    And I'm tired of scrolling through old XKCDs now.

    The new comic would have been acceptably mediocre if it were one panel and didn't include the graph.

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  49. https://plus.google.com/111588569124648292310/posts/3uxDfjDh4SL

    Wow, he made Google listen to him! Is there anything he can't do? What's next, is he going to cure cancer? Ahahaha I kid i kid. He couldn't do that if his girlfriend's life depended on it OH WAIT IT DOES

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  50. Have Google done anything interesting since 1997?

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  51. @Anon 12:05

    The blonde girl's name is Sarah. Way back in comic 84 she says the Cherokee for 'My name is Sarah.'

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  52. 2:29 - much love

    also the best thing about the comic is the alt-text. this is just a regurgitated graph comic

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  53. 925 is the same exact kind of joke as 914, take a popular myth/urban legend and switch the words around. If I weren't lazy I'd check the 914 comment thread because someone probably made the cell phones cause cancer joke.

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  54. -But you are lazy, right?

    -Oh, don't get me started.

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  55. So now Randall's making cancer jokes? Glad he has his priorities straight.

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  56. Megan lay feebly on the bed, barely able to lift her head.
    "Please," she said," The radiation from the cell phone is killing me Randall."
    But Randall would hear none of that. He needed his smart phone to be constantly connected to wikipedia.
    "No," he replied," the WHO is wrong.I'll make them change their mind."
    "That's impossible."
    "I was able to change the mind of Google, one of the most powerful companies in the world. When this next comic goes up, the nerds of the world will silence WHO."
    Megan let out a quiet grown, defeated.
    "Come along now," said Randall," It's time for your pumping."

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  57. Google is a branch of the NSA.

    Prove me wrong.

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  58. Proof you're wrong: Google has accountability.

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  59. That's right, because every US citizen gets to vote on who represents them at Google.

    Fucking Libertardians.

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  60. Maybe you should learn about the different ways companies and individuals can be held accountable before you make such stupid statements, you tinfoil hat-wearing cuntface.

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  61. Yes 2:22 corporations r gr8 they engage in honest free trade and accept no special favour and shareholders TOTALLY wouldnt accept any underhanded activity which increases profit.

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  62. Oh, boy. More political debates.

    Can't we all just agree that liberals are pissy, unintelligent sheep and move on?

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  63. Every grouping of people in existence engages in special favors and underhanded activity to further their aims. Corporations are no different, and can be held just as accountable. Look at News International.

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  64. Has anyone posited that Randall should just stop making comics while his to be bride is almost dying from fucking cancer? Considering his nerd reach and his vast swath of comics do you think anyone would mind if he just chilled out for a bit and, you know, remain undevotedly attentive to his probably scared as shit partner?

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  65. *devotedly you know what I mean

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  66. in fairness to randy, it's not like he spends more than fifteen minutes a week making comics

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  67. Google plus looks to be the same pretentious shit as google wave, except with the added underhandedness of trying to destroy facebook. Reading the comments on the link some cuddlefish posted earlier (where the google+ testers took randall's penis into their mouths and jumped on the "gender identification is like totally an invasion of privacy u guise" bullshit train*) fills me with general irritation at the ignorant arrogance of its users. Yes, dipshit#1, thank god advertisers won't be able to learn what your gender is any longer thanks to trusty google plus! It is now literally impossible for them to know something as fucking obvious as your gender, because as we all know, once something's on the internet, it disappears right away. No, wait. That's not how the saying goes.

    Yes, dipshit#2, it is inspiring that the google+ admins are so receptive to user complaints, how noble of them to resist the currently nonexistent profit motive while they are still developing their product, and how inspiring that they are able to listen to the trivial bullshit through the requests they must be getting from the millions of people who use google+.

    *being forced to display one's sex is not an invasion of fucking privacy. When you meet people in reality, do you know what sex they are? Yes. Yes you fucking do. And somehow, for literally all of recorded history humanity has survived this grave injustice. It's a goddamn miracle.

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  68. UndercoverCuddlefishJuly 15, 2011 at 5:43 PM

    google+ has a much better interface and more immediately useful social features than facebook

    either way i still refuse to spend more than 5 minutes a week on a fucking social networking site but given that i already have gmail constantly open and do not have to do any extra work i find google+ far less irritating than facebook

    the users are another story there are definitely a bunch of self important fuckheads wrapped up in a shitty world of crossposting circlejerks but given that it takes literally zero effort to ignore them i could not care less

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  69. I think that niggers who didn't make the fittest. Only the teet of white America and do what some liberals believe even MORE money taken from them via taxation to be weened off the US population, yet disproportionately receive 37.5% of white America and the rules. As an abysmal failure. It's kept them out of themselves. If you think that there are more money should be weened off the economy is unfair, tell it to niggers] was to be weened off the economy is technically bankrupt, and theft. Yet some may think). Moreover, the US government is technically bankrupt,


    I think this world, it's survival of themselves. If you think this world, it's done before: take care of themselves. If you think this world, it's done before: take care of all welfare checks. In fact, niggers have any more money should be given to niggers] was to be given to be weened off the fittest. Only the fittest. Only the US government is technically bankrupt, and the rules. As an abysmal failure. It's kept them out of all welfare program since day one has been an aside, anyone who's bound to be given to support niggers who didn't

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  70. I once made a Markov Text generator using only the transcripts from XKCD. It mostly sucked (as I guessed it would.) But I saved some of the funnier ones:

    "oral sex on the table. Title text: My Deep Impact/Little Prince crossover fanfic is almost done!"

    "The penis varies in size when flaccid and is pretty good If you're turning 27 and were born in the rotunda"

    "The thought bubble is shared between the user and hot, sweaty, tangled-bedsheets-fingertips-digging-into-the-back sex."

    "A person is pointing to a large pentagram with candles at the spawn point ... separate the labia, but watch out, there are more inside them ..."

    "I'm teaching every 8-year-old relative to say "I love you" _before_ I hang up first, or we're OVER!"

    I see a pattern.

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  71. @2:35: The News International thing is just Vince Cable's determined trolling of Murdoch finally paying off - and the Tories have always been the authoritarian party, so it's no surprise they want more control of the media.

    As for accountability, there is none. Murdoch won't go to jail. Brooks won't go to jail. A corporation is a shield against accountability. The NoTW will be replaced by the Sun on Sunday and business will resume as usual. (And if you think share price reflects accoutability you don't understand how the secondary market works.)

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  72. there was a brief period in American politics where it looked like we might actually start treating the criminals at corporations like criminals (cf. Enron), but the Supreme Court has recently been demonstrating that it believes corporations should have a lot more power and less accountability (cf. Citizens United) so I think we missed that era.

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  73. The government can't go just around prosecuting corporations for doing illegal stuff, you know. They have to be heralds of free enterprise.

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  74. 925 reminded me of 558 in the labelling of the axes, in the third panel.

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  75. http://xkcd.com/821/

    ^an early and previously unrecorded example of Randall's milk fetish

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  76. when will people stop using sheep(le) as an insult

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  77. The sky is falling, the sky is falling.
    Murdoch beats African Children!
    Free market is responsible for AIDS!
    Chinkies did 9/11!
    Captcha: Dingle.
    Jews mutilate baby dingles.

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  78. @ Rob,

    The people get the Government, Corporations and Supreme Court they deserve.
    Rise up! You have nothing to lose but your chains.

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  79. I removed all the clutter from 925. Is the joke worth making now? Still no!

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/steventhehawk/5943956918

    alt text: buloadef

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  80. And what the hell, here's one for 924.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/steventhehawk/5943469507

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  81. Look, Murdoch apologised already. The poor guy's been through so much, and we should show a bit of mercy. He'll probably need a therapist after this.

    I can think of a certain French Madame who could ease his burdens...

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  82. ALTF, for the first time ever you made me laugh. but it was a misunderstanding.

    i thought you had said "Rise up! You have nothing to lose but your chairs" which is hilarious.

    but it was actually chains, which is pretty predictable.

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  83. @3:14: Thank you. I wish I'd misread that as you did. This is the first time this blog has made me grin on the outside too.

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  84. Clever wordplay is beyond the capabilities of lower life-forms such as trolls, silly cuddlefish 3:14

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  85. My face when there is more in depth and funny Classic!XCKD Sucks posts in the comment field

    Hahahaha penis doesn't equal quality. You're putting as much effort in as Randal does

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  86. Here I thought I spent a good long while on this post. It turns out there's only two words! Where did the rest of them go?

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  87. Rob, we all know you ate the other words.

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  88. @steventhehawk

    Boy, when you see just the graph for 925, it becomes much clearer how bad the joke actually is. I don't think the graph shows a correlation at all.

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  89. @Ves: you're just falling victim to your sense of male privilege. It's probably erect and trying to throttle a helpless woman somewhere right now.

    @ALTF: did you issue an apology in the last thread? You're doing a really bad job of cultivating my hatred.

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  90. The ribosomes assemble amino acids of the endoplasmic reticulum morphologies: rough and keeps them from being sent to their way to constantly remain in the cell. Consequently, many of the Golgi apparatus for use inside and outside of the endoplasmic reticulum are two basic kinds of proteins may be retained by the chaperone protein known as endoplasmic reticulum is involved mainly with the cell. The surface of the cell.

    The surface of the endoplasmic reticulum for further processing. These special proteins, which are known as a flattened cardboard box might be opened up and processing and processing and folded into

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  91. SHIFTP, your grammar is fucking awful.

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  92. I found the missing words! They're in the alt text of the comic above.

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  93. Randall should not have mentioned body parts. He should have said something really witty about how "l'espirt d'ecsalier" is not actually French, but German.

    That would have been FUNNY. Because it's IRONIC. Rob KNOWS that it's actually FRENCH, but he said it's GERMAN -- for the LULZ. Why can't Randall come up with great material like that???

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  94. I feel positively, about this Blogge...!

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  95. I feel positively, about this Blogge...!

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  96. I feel positively, about this Blogge...!

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  97. Where is the 925 post? that comic totally sucks

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  98. אני מסכימה אם כי יש לציין שפחות או יותר כל קסקס"ד מהשנים האחרונות גרוע באותה מידה, וגם כל פוסט ב"קסקס"ד מסריח" מאחר בכמה ימים באותה מידה.

    ReplyDelete
  99. God, 925 is terrible. There's not even an opportunity for an ILY, so I'm just going to do this. Whatever.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/steventhehawk/5948880261

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  100. I meant 926 but who cares

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  101. What the fuck is a "Time Vulture"? I'm too fucking lazy to look it up.

    It is just a relativity joke?

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  102. Hi, my name is Anonymous and I'm MALEJuly 17, 2011 at 10:25 PM

    926 is just such a nothing comic. I feel sorry for anyone who writes a review of it because it's just so uninterestingly bad.

    But, Rob, I'm sure you can deliver the exact amount of laziness this comic deserves.

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  103. Anon, I am fairly certain it's not a relativity joke. I think you're supposed to enjoy it like you would enjoy Pictures for Sad Children, but being Randall he fails the execution miserably.

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  104. Anon1109: I do think John Campbell could have made this touching, entertaining, and possibly both. And really, it's just that awful last line that ruins it.

    I tried to fix it, I'm not sure if I succeeded or not.

    "Don't try to fix what we should break before it breaks us"

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  105. Randall is now moving towards the culmination of his plan. First he develops a large following of people with little to no social life. Then he develops a bestiary and a fictional world for it to habit. All the pieces will soon be in place for him to finally convert xkcd into a game of D&D, and be Dungeon Master to the largest party ever formed.

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  106. Anonymous @ July 16, 3:14 PM said:

    ".....i thought you had said "Rise up! You have nothing to lose but your chairs" which is hilarious....."

    Actually I pixelated, no words were spoken. And your misreading is only funny if you assume all the oppressed masses are in a seated position upon a chair or chair-like appointment. Some of the unlettered masses are squating in the thickets or lying prone on the savannah. I am egalitarian, if I am anything at all.

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  107. My reaction to reading 926: What the fuck is that shit?

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  108. 926: randall badly rips off Doctor Who's Weeping Angels and forgets he's supposed to include a punchline.

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  109. Croaker @ July 16. 7:51 PM said:

    ".....@ALTF: did you issue an apology in the last thread? You're doing a really bad job of cultivating my hatred....."

    I did apologise - it was mendacious though. Accordingly, was the apology really bad or was it a sublimely really good job of cultivation?


    @ VES,
    Yins is a cunt.
    I is a trawl - not a troll!

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  110. Vultures are scavengers, not predators.
    Though some have been known to 'hasten' the death of an otherwise mortally wounded or ill animal.

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  111. @ Kitten,

    You are right Kitten, we can't have Mr. Murdoch going the way of Robert Maxwell now can we?
    Just not civilised.

    Neil Kinnock, said of Maxwell: a man who "attracted controversy, envy and loyalty in great measure throughout his rumbustious life."

    A rumbustious life! I strive to live one of those!

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  112. ALT-F, I would say you were more bombastic than rumbustious, but that word lies in ruins ever since Shaggy rhymed it with 'telephone-tastic'.

    Okay, he might have been saying 'boombastic', but the effect is the same.

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  113. "....ALT-F, I would say you were more bombastic than rumbustious...."

    Past tense?

    "Chat bout you body you know me have to get musical
    Dem kind a woman de fe put me in a hospital
    No mek me body get week and disfunctional
    Woman a woman how you body so sexy gal"

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  114. Of course past tense. We were talking about obituaries, after all.

    I have been informed that Shaggy never says the word 'telephon-tastic' and I have just made that up. My world has been turned upside-down.

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  115. I want my obituary to read:

    "Sic Transit Gloria Cunti"

    I thought Shaggy and Shady were one and the same - so we're both worldly head over heels.
    Personally, I prefer to be 'heels over head' though.
    Ah shite!
    Histrionics again.

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  116. HP's obituary will read:

    Here lies Harry Potter
    The boy who died

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  117. I wanted to admonish ALT-F, in a display of ironic pedantry, for confusing epitaphs with obituaries. Now someone else has made the same mistake, I'll just look plain pedantic.

    Ugh, whatever. It probably wouldn't have been worth the effort.

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  118. Fuck off!
    A Laudatio Cuntiae then!
    "Against you I will fling myself, unvanquished and unyielding, O Kitten"

    You can dispense with the word "probably" in that declarative by the way.

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  119. @TLOK This is the sort of person who once read in a grammar text to use a comma for the vocative and ends up thinking it correct to write, "Neil Kinnock, said of Maxwell..." They're the worst of student because they achieve nothing except confidence that they deserve a reward just for trying.

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  120. "...They're the worst (type) of student because they achieve nothing except confidence that they deserve a reward just for trying...."

    I would say 'impudence' rather than 'confidence' and the Kinnock phrase was a 'copy-paste' from Wikipedia - blame those unlettered japing cunts!

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  121. Neil Kinnock, then Labour Party leader, spoke of him as a man with "a zest for life" who "attracted controversy, envy and loyalty in great measure throughout his rumbustious life."

    Actually, Anonymous, you are right!
    I maladjusted the 'copy' before the final 'paste'. My paraphrase, ostensibly born of laziness, was illiterate in it's construction.
    I shall learn and return stronger.

    The Wikipedia folks are still cunts though.

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  122. And here I was hoping someone would point out your error in the most hateful way possible. Stop undercutting them, ALT-F!

    I like 'T-LOK', by the way. It is the most gangsta of acronyms, for the most ungangsta of names.

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  123. You don't use "it's" for possession, you dumb shit.

    Captcha: wimmin. Amirite, men?

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  124. Dearest Doof,

    "....You don't use "it's" for possession, you dumb shit...."

    Ain't I just!
    The phrase "was illiterate in it's construction" is itself illiterate in its construction.
    How 'bout that?

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  125. "Legion of Kittens" is ungangsta?

    Next you'll be telling us NWA is North West Airlines!

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  126. My self-referential 'construction' quip of 12:35 PM?
    Was that 'meta'? Or am I misunderstanding how you lot use that word?

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  127. I used to like reading these comments. Now it's shit.

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  128. It could be that the act of "reading these comments" is shit.

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  129. Indeed Doof, you are correct.
    I seem to fixate on one interpretation of an English phrase when I know that any given English phrase might be rife with multiple meanings.
    T-LOK has revealed this failing of mine often.

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  130. "The phrase "was illiterate in it's costruction" is itself illiterate in its construction."

    What kind of phrases are 'literate', exactly? Parsers?

    Captcha: Murgical. Diction sniping is a murgical pursuit.

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  131. Say what you will about CTRLH, but at least he was effective at getting rid of ALTF

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  132. yes, i have been thanking my lucky stars that this thread is ALTF-free

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  133. Wow… so… I’m really surprised there are people who dislike xkcd so much that they’ll post such negative feedback. I think it’s because they don’t get it.

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  134. negative? I think you will find I laughed at this joke, IT SAYS SO RIGHT THERE ON THE POST

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  135. I'll tell you a tale of ALTF,
    And she was a Whig and a Saunt;
    She liv'd a most sanctify'd life,
    But whyles she was fash'd wi her cunt.

    Poor woman! She gaed to the Priest,
    And till him she made her complaint;
    'There's naething that troubles my breast
    Sae sair as the sins of my cunt'.

    'Sin that I was herdin at hame,
    Till now I'm three score and ayont,
    I own it wi' sin and wi' shame
    I've led a sad life wi' my cunt'.

    He bade her to clear up her brow,
    And no be discourag'd upon 't;
    For holy gude women enow
    Were mony times waur't wi' their cunt.

    It's naught but Beelzebub's art,
    But that's the mair sign of a saunt,
    He kens that ye're pure at the heart,
    Sae levels his darts at your cunt.

    What signifies Morals and Works,
    Our works are no wordy a runt!
    It's Faith that is sound, orthodox,
    That covers the fauts o' your cunt.

    Were ye o' the Reprobate race
    Created to sin and be brunt,
    O then it would alter the case
    If ye should gae wrang wi' your cunt.

    But you that is Called and Free
    Elekit and chosen a saunt,
    Will't break the Eternal Decree
    Whatever ye do wi' your cunt?

    And now with a sanctify'd kiss
    Let's kneel and renew covenant:
    It's this - and it's this - and it's this
    That settles the pride o' your cunt.

    Devotion blew up to a flame;
    No words can do justice upon't;
    The honest auld woman gaed hame
    Rejoicing and clawin her cunt.

    Then high to her memory charge;
    And may he who takes it affront,
    Still ride in Love's channel at large,
    And never make port in a cunt!

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  136. Listen, I don't want to sound like some super fanboy of xkcd or anything, but I think you are trying too hard at this point. You make fun of this particular strip on the basis of "it's just a stupid penis joke", but that's not the basis of the humor. It seems like you're just doing this for the sake of not skipping a comic and seeming like you cant think of anything for it.

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  137. you think that typing the text 'hahahahaha penis' is trying too hard?

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  138. @5:44 I'm often one to criticise Rob's tedious rambling and found this to be one of his best reviews in a while. The only way in which your post might not fail is if you were Rob's sockpuppet setting up for his perfect response at 5:51.

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  139. ... Is it not somewhat sad that you have set up a blog dedicated to convincing people that something sucks? You're like a film critic who only reviews films he knows he hates. Why don't you try and write something funny yourself? 'Cause this blog certainly isn't.

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  140. the best reviews are bad reviews.

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