Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Comic 875: Self-Awareness Is Not His Strong Point

[Satanic hell-bird "Ravenzomg" has sent me this review. Maybe it's good. -Ed.]

Title: 2009 Called./// Tooltip: 2017 called, but I couldn't understand what they were saying over all the screams.

Hello everyone, this is Ravenzomg of Ravenzomg fame.

Now this comic is made by Randall Munroe which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I actually read it, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that I was in fact still in this reality, and not in some Randall Munroe fanfic fantasy again, I looked around to make sure that no one would be upset by my raucous laughter. Satisfied that I was indeed in isolation, I let my laughter erupt like a volcanic explosion, threatening the shoddy construction jobs of my bookcases, bookshelves, and bookholes. So awesome was this comic, I decided I simply had to print it out and put it on a shirt this instant! And so, after recovering from the laughter, I did just that with the assistance of an iron (which I call "Randall") and my printer (which is called "Randall") and a white shirt (which I call "Randall").


I proceeded to dare the sunlight (after recovering from the second round of laughter originating from a glimpse of the comic, now on the shirt), understanding that I had to share this joy with more people than the internet could reach. So walking outside, I ran into a girl with glasses on, and our eyes happened to meet. The woman (for she certainly was not just a girl) looked at my shirt and knew from the stick-figures on my shirt that I, like the stick-figures, must be a witty, intelligent romantic who knows how to 'Have a good time' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be her soul-mate and/or give them money for something they called "septuple integration". I told them no, because they didn't have near enough acne, and frankly someone with an XKCD shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes forward.

I arrived at the comic book store, and instantly darted straight for the D&D section (The trading card geeks are such drags!) purposely standing away from those divine books of wisdom so that my stick-figures would show. While I was browsing through used dice (they were all D12s), I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants standing there. The geek told me that XKCD was the greatest and how I was, by association of my shirt, also the greatest (but less so than Randall, I corrected), and I was told that the geek wanted to "stick" my "figure". I was offered a swig of mountain dew, and I shuffled with the geek waddling alongside out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you XKCD.

Pros: Features witty retorts and cultural references barely seen in today's modern age.
Cons: My shirt will no longer be timely as of Wednesday the 23rd, as it will be supplanted by another diamond of hilarity.
Randall Munroe is too hilarious -- my shirt may cause someone to suffocate with laughter.
My shirt makes me sexually attractive to all humans -- too many options.

In conclusion, pretty sure we were all waiting for this. Mmmm yeah....

-Ravenzomg!

49 comments:

  1. This comic is so laced with testosterone that all women will succumb to its power. I showed this comic to my girlfriend and she was all over me. This comic def has awesome powers. Every man should have a copy!

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  2. You skimped on the lesbian bit.

    WE DEMAND MORE SAPPHIC EROTICA.

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  3. 8:40--Complete tool.

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  4. Professor RicketsMarch 22, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    I actually thought this comic was good. By xkcd standards anyway. I actually elicited a chuckle.

    Short, and no post punchline dialog or anything.

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  5. Wait, you're a dude? Great, now I have to dismantle my love shrine

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  6. You mean SAFFIC erotica. It is a combination of the words "sapphic" and "fanfic."

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  7. I actually liked 875. Then 876 arrived and I was sad again. :(

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  8. http://xkcd.com/radiation/ This is actually pretty good.

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  9. I thought 875 was one of the better ones he's had in a while. For one thing, the dialogue actually sounds like something that might be said by real people, especially with the pauses.

    And that makes 876 even more retarded. There is no universe in which that conversation could happen Randall, shut the fuck up.

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  10. God. Someone get Randall a philosophy textbook. He can't tell Descartes from Plato.

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  11. Shouldn't he have had that existential girl be the caller in the newest comic? The one they wanted to squirt with a waterpistol? It would at least have given it a slightly fuller context.

    It's almost like he only JUST learnt about Plato's Cave and wanted to namedrop a reference to it no matter how trite. Little does he know that practically everybody heard of it by the time they were thirteen, eh?

    Oh wait, of course he knew everybody knows about it... GOOMH RANDALL I'VE HEARD ABOUT THIS PLATO GUY TOO!

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  12. FUCK YOU RANDALL

    FUCK YOOOOOUUUUUUU

    http://capnsblag.blogspot.com/

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  13. I can't believe randall is wasting time talking about this shit given the world situation today. Did you see that poor polar bear die? That was fucking heartwrenching, yet clueless randall insists on misunderstanding ancient philosophy instead of tackling the big issues of today's world.

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  14. Given how important Descartes is to the history of math as well as the history of philosophy, you'd think that Randall would give him his due. But apparently Randy would rather mistake him for another philosopher who lived about four times as many years before Descartes as Descartes lived before Randy.

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  15. @Peter
    Personally, I don't particularly want the webcomics I read to tackle the big issues of today's world.

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  16. Wait--so Randall is calling 911, and tying up the line(s), in order to make a poor exposition about philosophy. Ground breaking. Some other, truly trapped, souls could be DYING and all he cares about is name-dropping dead philosophers.

    The dialog is unnatural as hell:
    "two distorted splotches of light" and she just KNOWS he's talking about his eyeballs? Riight.

    And "meat everywhere"--he, of all people, should know that the brain is composed largely of fat.
    At least in panel 3 the lady gives him some good advice.

    Also, what the fuck; he's using the "signals in his sensory cortices" to ask about the "signals in his sensory cortices"? What? If he doesn't trust them in the first place--WHY IS HE USING THEM TO DIAL 911 AND ASK SUCH STUPID QUESTIONS.

    Fuck; I think this the longest comment I've made on this site.

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  17. I have no idea why I'm defending Randall now, but the comic is clearly intended to be a sort of absurd joke, Randall surely doesn't want people to actually call 911 and pretend to be idiots, and criticizing a stick figure in a crappy joke for acting immorally is ridiculous.

    Also, according to Wikipedia, "Meat is animal flesh that is used as food.[1] Most often, this means the skeletal muscle and associated fat, but it may also describe other edible tissues such as organs, livers, skin, brains, bone marrow, kidneys, or lungs.", and I don't think referring to the brain as meat is a particularly weird thing to do.

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  18. @Tom Butcher and anonymous 10:32 Well, the only real relationship with Descartes is a basic question of epistemology that Descartes didn't actually invent. Nobody makes the famous (and fallacious, much to the delight of self-satisfied bores*) conclusion that thinking proves existence, so I don't think it's right to say he's getting mixed up with Descartes. I'd say her own views are more Kierkegaardian (but the reference to Plato is sarcastic so it doesn't matter), while his are some sort of confused nihilism.

    But I agree that he doesn't really seem to properly understand what Plato's Cave is actually about.

    *Insert hint of irony.

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  19. @Trevor Wow, you heartless prick. Don't you have feelings for anything other than yourself? Did you even SEE that polar bear die? It is so horrible.

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  20. @11:23: Huh? Leaving the cogito aside, are you saying Descartes DOESN'T worry about the reliability of his senses? Because if so you are wrong.

    ~10:32

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  21. I made this right after the comic came out then read Problem Sleuth for 4 hours and forgot to post
    http://i55.tinypic.com/2rny5o9.png
    god this comic is awkward

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  22. Hey Peter, did you know polar bear populations have gone from approx. 5000 to approx. 25000 in just 30 years? This is due to prohibitions on hunting and other restrictions on the culling of their population. Why would I care if a single individual in a thriing species died?

    BTW, this thread is now about the impacts and lies of climate change.

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  23. I had once thought my way of thinking was unique. That everyone thought differently. After reading this comic for a few years I'm beginning to doubt it. At first the fact that so many of these comics corresponded to the strange thoughts I have was cool. (it's nice to know you're not alone in the world) After about the 50th comic that directly aligns with the strangest of my thoughts, it's getting a little creepy... I once ligitimately had a panic attack over this exact brain dilemma. I completely freaked myself out... and now there's a comic about it... this is, again, about the 50th time this comic has done this...

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  24. Charles Augustus FortescueMarch 23, 2011 at 2:10 AM

    Whether the reference is more Cartesian or not, the punchline has to be Plato because he is the only philosopher associated with a cave.

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  25. @2:04 Yes, you understand. All this death is so depressing. If you saw that video on YouTube I'm sure you would agree that it is a very sad thing to see.

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  26. Guys philosophy is a pretty wishy-washy arty subject, it's hardly like it matters who said what.

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  27. @Fortescue: I agree, that's obviously why Randall used Plato—he's the only philosopher who has a relatively-well-known allegory that involves a physical place which you could (theoretically) send a rescue team into. I think there's the potential for a good joke there, one that revolves around mistaking Plato's allegorical cave for a physical cave.

    The problem is that Randall seems to have had some idea along that line, and just rushed to fill in the rest of the comic with other bits and pieces of philosophy he's heard from somewhere. His thought process is probably: "I know that some famous philosopher had something about doubting the reality of his sensory inputs... The people in Plato's cave couldn't tell whether the shadows they saw were real or fake, right? That's an issue of sensory perception! It must have been Plato, then! Hey, I can work this into my pun about sending a rescue team in Plato's cave!"

    Basically, he's just completely half-assing, maybe even quarter-assing, a reference to a philosopher in an attempt to make himself look smart and well-rounded (despite being obviously better than humanities students).

    And, as others have pointed out, the dialog is just really terrible.

    (He also missed the opportunity for a joke about the pineal gland, something which would be right up Randall's alley.)

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  28. My theory is that 875 happened in real life, but Randall's comeback was so dumb and unnatural that Megan just shook her head and walked away, leaving Randall to fume about it for a few hours until he realized he could make a comic where he won.

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  29. I have to wonder what the girl would have said if the guy hadn't interrupted her. "Is this a three wolf moon shirt? Dude 2009 called, and they want their shirt back." I guess Randall has gone from writing awkward dialogue to just implying awkward dialogue. Of course in real life the girl wouldn't have said the first line at all, but Randall knows no way of showing what's on a t-shirt besides having someone say it.

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  30. "Is this a three wolf moon shirt? Dude 2009 called, and they want their shirt back."

    Of cause thats what she was going to say. Its a well known saying. Whats awkward about a well known saying? What the hell is wrong with you? Fucking hell.
    Jesus...

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  31. I actually liked #875 for the record. Short, kinda funny, doesn't count as name-dropping because everything there is pretty big.

    The review came out like this because it was 10 pm and Robyn hadn't moved his large mass to produce a review. If you don't understand the reference, then just try to order a "Three Wolf Moon Shirt" off of Amazon and see what others thought of the product.

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  32. I like how the titles for the blog posts here seem to be one comic ahead. "A Journey to the Past" describes 875. "Self Awareness is not His Strong Point" fits 876 well. Maybe the titles are catching up to the comments...

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  33. Don't end your comment with an ellipsis; it makes you look like a douchebag...

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  34. Don't use semi-colons in your comments; they make you look like a pretentious fuckwad...

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  35. Only if you're an ignorant dickshit who would normally put a comma there.

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  36. How could anyone possibly get from "two splotches of light" to "your eyes" in one step??

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  37. If the dispatcher was male, he wouldn't be smart enough to get what Randall's saying, and would think the caller was in danger because he's just a stupid jock.
    Fortunately the dispatcher is a sexy (nude) female, and has time to make witty responses to a 9 11 prank caller. For Randall, this is actually what he uses for phone sex.

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  38. Reboot does a Redux countdown: 20

    Captcha: forna, another word for blue balls

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  39. Three Wolf Moon doesn't work with this joke. It was only ironically "popular". Ironic popularity doesn't go out of style unless the irony is lost. Three Wolf Moon would stop being ironically popular if mainstream opinion shifted to embracing it sincerely. That hasn't happened. Three Wolf Moon is just as ironically relevant in 2011 as it was in 2009.

    Hipsters still wear trucker hats, don't they?

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  40. I don't get how in the latest comic, the woman could so easily guess that he meant his eyeballs. His explanation was too shitty for that to actually work.

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  41. Attention everyone:

    Are you one of those assholes who types WAY too loud at work? Cut it the fuck out! Your coworkers will fucking murder you, and you deserve it. You dickhead.

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  42. this site is a 4chan lactation
    it is Rob and Randy in conglomeration
    libertarians suck
    rob is a really fat fuck
    and Carl had a better imagination

    calmdrep - a post Apartheid hip-hop beat

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  43. How the hell did you fail to get bingo? That is astonishing.

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  44. This is why 'xkcd Sucks' sucks. You don't have any actual criticism for this comic, so instead of admitting Randall has actually created a decent comic, you just write a few sarcastic paragraphs, randomly make fun of xkcd fanboys and reference Twilight.

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  45. Oh wow, I didn't see that it was a limerick. That's actually pretty cool. Still would've been better if you had actually got bingo.

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  46. See, the funny thing is that this comic is amusing, and out of all of the so-called "reviews" on this site this is the worst.

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