Title: 2009 Called./// Tooltip: 2017 called, but I couldn't understand what they were saying over all the screams.
Now this comic is made by Randall Munroe which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I actually read it, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that I was in fact still in this reality, and not in some Randall Munroe fanfic fantasy again, I looked around to make sure that no one would be upset by my raucous laughter. Satisfied that I was indeed in isolation, I let my laughter erupt like a volcanic explosion, threatening the shoddy construction jobs of my bookcases, bookshelves, and bookholes. So awesome was this comic, I decided I simply had to print it out and put it on a shirt this instant! And so, after recovering from the laughter, I did just that with the assistance of an iron (which I call "Randall") and my printer (which is called "Randall") and a white shirt (which I call "Randall").
I proceeded to dare the sunlight (after recovering from the second round of laughter originating from a glimpse of the comic, now on the shirt), understanding that I had to share this joy with more people than the internet could reach. So walking outside, I ran into a girl with glasses on, and our eyes happened to meet. The woman (for she certainly was not just a girl) looked at my shirt and knew from the stick-figures on my shirt that I, like the stick-figures, must be a witty, intelligent romantic who knows how to 'Have a good time' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be her soul-mate and/or give them money for something they called "septuple integration". I told them no, because they didn't have near enough acne, and frankly someone with an XKCD shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes forward.
I arrived at the comic book store, and instantly darted straight for the D&D section (The trading card geeks are such drags!) purposely standing away from those divine books of wisdom so that my stick-figures would show. While I was browsing through used dice (they were all D12s), I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants standing there. The geek told me that XKCD was the greatest and how I was, by association of my shirt, also the greatest (but less so than Randall, I corrected), and I was told that the geek wanted to "stick" my "figure". I was offered a swig of mountain dew, and I shuffled with the geek waddling alongside out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you XKCD.
Pros: Features witty retorts and cultural references barely seen in today's modern age.
Cons: My shirt will no longer be timely as of Wednesday the 23rd, as it will be supplanted by another diamond of hilarity.
Randall Munroe is too hilarious -- my shirt may cause someone to suffocate with laughter.
My shirt makes me sexually attractive to all humans -- too many options.
In conclusion, pretty sure we were all waiting for this. Mmmm yeah....