Sunday, January 2, 2011

Comic 842: Penis

penis

[ALT: I'm a solipsistic conspiracy theorist. I'm sure I must be up to something, and I will not stop until I find out what.]

At first I thought this was going to be a reasonably boring comic where Randy does an elaborate build-up for a useless nerdy reference, and I was going to be disappointed. Imagine my pleasure when instead it was an elaborate build-up for a penis joke. How I laughed! I am actually still laughing now, and it has been an hour and a half since I read it.

As you well know, penis jokes are the single greatest form of humor, and arguably the greatest form of art in general. Merely uttering the word "penis" makes what you have to say instantly hilarious--suggesting it with subtlety makes you into a god. A god, not just of humor, but of all things. "Pen 15." HOW INCREDIBLY HILARIOUS.

So, I take back every bad thing I've ever said about Randy. I'll even ignore that he is showing his pen15 to mini-Megan, which a day ago I would have said was creepy and weird. No longer! Randy is above reproach--he has finally come around.

I'm going to tell you all a story. (Think of it as my XKCD equivalent of those creepy and uncomfortable Christians telling you about the time in high school they sacrificed their best friend to Satan but ultimately came back to Jesus because why not?) When I was a young lad, I read XKCD every day. Then came the comic that I know only as The Black Day.

Yes, that's right. Comic 194, known only as "penises." I am not ashamed to tell you that I laughed to the point of hospitalization upon reading the title. And then, when I came back home, still grinning like a mad fool, I read the comic. Was this--RANDY? HOW COULD YOU CRITICIZE MY PENISES? ROAORASKFLASNFASFSAFSAFLASKFNAFf

So I started hating XKCD. How could I not? Randy criticized the one thing I love: penises, and jokes thereof. Sure, I found justifications like "Randy is the worst writer and artist in the world" and "these jokes are actually offensive," but we all knew my heart wasn't in it. No, I hated XKCD for one reason and one reason only: he mocked penis jokes.

But then today happened. Today! This glorious today! Randy made the most epic of all penis jokes! I am hereby changing the title of this blog from "xkcd sucks" to "xkcd sucks... PENIS LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL," and it will be a breathless chronicle of xkcd and its penis joke potential. Truly this will be a wonderful day.

I hope that you, too, will see the light of penises and join me, cuddlefish no longer, but penisfish, eager to probe the depths of XKCD. Together.

EDIT: Intrepid xkcdsucks adept "procto" informs me that joining the "pen 15 club" is a thing that children do to each other, thus making this a penis joke about children!!!!!!!! Truly this is the greatest joke that has ever, will ever, or could ever be penned. Long may Randall reign!

230 comments:

  1. Well I sure am looking forward to some probing!

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  2. ...what? Where's the humor?

    Somebody inducted him into a secret society called the 'Penis Club'? That's not funny, it's just the word 'penis'. Is it the fact that he misread it as 'Pen Fifteen'? That doesn't have any humorous implications in this context, because it doesn't make him act any differently than he would have otherwise (or cause any misunderstandings). Is it that he thinks he's in a secret society, but isn't? That can't be the case, because he clearly is -- it's not just a prank.

    Is it not actually supposed to be a joke? In that case, what *is* it supposed to be, exactly?

    This is baffling.

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  3. The joke is that he committed arson and most likely burned somebody to death.

    This is clearly humourous what is wrong with you

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  4. @ Anon 11:00 PM
    He thinks he is in a secret society but isn't.

    Somebody tricked him into letting them tattoo the word penis on his arm. Then he saw a piece of paper someone discarded and thought it was a message from them. He bought the kerosene, then forgot about it. He then assumed that he was being given orders to burn down that address.

    So, in short, he's a idiot.

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  5. Actually I thought it was kind of funny, but I can see why, if you didn't have the whole pen fifteen club hilarious joke thing when you were a kid, it wouldn't be remotely funny and would just seem like Randy saying LOL COCKS.

    Like, the idea is that one of your friends says, "hey, do you want to be in the pen fifteen club?" and you're all "hell yeah I do! A secret club!" And then they write "PEN 15" on your arm/hand and you have to run and wash it before you get home and your parents start asking questions.

    And then the idea that this guy never realised that it was a joke, and took a couple of random coincidences over the next two decades as instructions to start murdering people?

    It is a bit funny, and I haven't enjoyed an xkcd in several years (some of the 5-minute sketches aside).

    /boringpost

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  6. Plus, is this the first example ever of Randy's "art" actually making a joke/punchline possible rather than undermining it in every way?

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  7. UndercoverPenisfishJanuary 3, 2011 at 12:08 AM

    I thought it was funny.

    Side note: has anyone checked out zach weiners autobiography on his blog? He talks about how when he quit his job, his comics starting sucking bc he was teying too hard. It gives some interesting insights into the life of a webcomic artist

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  8. Yeah, it's not really a penis joke. The joke is that he thinks he's in a secret society and is getting orders to torch people's houses, but really he just got seriously whooshed by a common grade school prank. (The reader is supposed to already be familiar with the "Pen15 Club".)

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  9. jokes about penis jokes are still penis jokes

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  10. Your mum's a penis joke!

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  11. The penis thing is really probably the tertiary joke in this strip. The "reference to something kids would do" and "hoho he committed arson for no real reason" jokes are the ones that seems to be the more focal ones. So having the review focusing only on that one, borderline irrelevant, aspect of the strip, and not critiquing any of the elements of real relevance, is just disappointing and kinda lame.

    And yeah, this one stick figure is showing a childish prank on his arm to a female stick figure, I'm sure that's totally a stand-in for Randall showing his dick to Megan. Abso-fucking-lutely.

    You can do better than this Rob.

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  12. and it only took 11 comments for someone to take something in the post seriously. congratulations, you're dumber than your garden variety cuddlefish!

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  13. If you mean took "something in the post seriously" in the literal and immediate sense in that I didn't notice the sarcastic tone, then obviously no, considering it's clearly the point your making via sarcasm that I'm frowning upon.

    If not, then I don't have a fuckin clue what you're referring to. That I should lighten up? I dunno. Just shape up, this was a shitty review.

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  14. No, it just looks like you don't know what "Pen 15" is, wrote a kinda shitty review based on a misunderstanding of the comic, and now refuse to budge on it.

    I mean, that's what I'm figuring is all. Or maybe I accidentally "took something in your post seriously" again and the joke is lololol it's supposed to be shitty.

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  15. I actually didn't mind this one. I had a flashback to my middle school days, and it was a sort of "the stuff we used to do..." moment. Then my mind went to the arson and there were a few seconds of "oh shit." Then I wondered what the blog post here would say about it, since it gave off those mixed signals. I probably should have guessed it would just be Rob spreading vitriol like he has for his last three entries though. At no time did I ever process a penis joke.

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  16. Oh, was the Megan thing the joke that I wasn't supposed to take seriously?

    I'm just so used to this blog not shutting-the-fuck-up about Megan, I guess. I mean sure, there's plenty of humor to mined in that particular aspect of Randy's life, but I read this blog for an explanation of why XKCD sucks. Not for a triweekly reminder of HAHA RANDY AND MEGAN AND SHIT LOLOL ALWAYS FUNNY AND RELEVANT.

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  17. So very much of the fail. It's not a penis joke, it's a delusion joke. Laughing at the expense of the retarded? You should have picked up on that immediately. It's your schtick after all.

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  18. Unfortunately, Poe's Law comes into effect here.

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  19. (with Rob's post, not the xkcd)

    Captcha: Imperses. wat

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  20. No, it just looks like you don't know what "Pen 15" is, wrote a kinda shitty review based on a misunderstanding of the comic, and now refuse to budge on it.

    Can't tell if troll or retarded.

    I also hope this guy is trolling too.

    It's kind of sad that people are actually trying to explain how a penis joke is actually really humorous and deep and insightful.

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  21. The alt text made me chuckle. It doesn't usually do that...

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  22. Sorry, Rob, but it REALLY looks like you didn't get the joke and actually failed in your review. If, however, you DID actually get the joke, WHY DIDN'T YOU WRITE A DECENT REVIEW? This is one of the extremely rare cases in which Randall's comic is better than the review.

    Randall got almost everything right today: he kept the punchline for last, he didn't explain the joke in the alt text, the build-up actually ADDS to the joke (look at Friday's comic for contrast), it's not arrogant nor demeaning, the art is bland but not bad, and even the horrible dialogue HELPS in this case -- the guy's ultra stilted and 'urple speech only makes the punchline better.

    This is a rare instance of an xkcd comic that's good in nearly every aspect. Rob, u fail.

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  23. This comic elicited a smile from me, which is rare. I think it's because you have this character doing all these crazy things for the sake of being one of the "select few." He's convinced he's more important than he is, that he's somehow special because he's in an exclusive group, and that his actions are justifiable because he's working beneath and against the system. Then we find out he's done all this because someone wrote "penis" on his arm. The only club he's in is the dick club.

    I think that guy reminds me of the typical xkcd fan, and it's satisfying to see him revealed for the tool that he is.

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  24. omfg goomh Randy we wrote Pen-15 on my friend's hand at our NYE party

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  25. The "art" for that fire panel is awful. And why is it floating?

    Stickman's head seems to have been replaced by a peach with a slight cleft in the first few panels.

    Also, it takes about zero thought to realize why xkcd sucks nowadays so why are people still clamoring for shitty reviews?

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  26. I lulzed on this one, I won't lie and pretend that I'm above a good poop or penis joke. The set-up and punchline were well done and the art conveyed the point (ie wasn't exceptionally bad or good).

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  27. @Fernie

    "This is a rare instance of an xkcd comic that's good in nearly every aspect."

    That's true. But the punchline is the aspect where it's bad! It doesn't matter how good the build up is (and it is good). The punchline is terrible.

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  28. If Carl were still here then we'd have a real review. This was a solid XKCD and the joke was actually really funny (if you had friends as a kid, which somehow I doubt Rob did). There's no point in running a blog to make fun of how shitty XKCD is if you can't acknowledge the few good ones that pop up every now and then.

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  29. of course Rob had friends as a kid, what do you think he ate to get so fat

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  30. If it had been some other fake club that you were tricked into in middle school that didn't involve the word penis, the joke would still be the same. That's how you know it's not a penis joke. The fact is that Rob didn't get it.

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  31. I miss Carl because he wrote actual fucking reviews.

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  32. I direct you to Fernie Canto's post for what I think. Rob, you really didn't do well this time around. I miss the actual reviews-ESPECIALLY when the comic actually isn't horrible.

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  33. As funny/accurate or witty/vitriolic as some of the reviews can be, I fear this is another example of Rob hating for hate's sake alone, with no sense of perspective or thought.

    That, of course, can be fine, sure.. if the review was punchy/caustic/well-written. Whereas, it's just a tired rambling mess.

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  34. that's right, penis fans, defend your penis joke against the vile penis-hating monster! "it's not a penis joke, it's just about the penis joke we used to use in middle school or whatever! TOTALLY DIFFERENT."

    if you don't defend the penis joke you'll never get to turn into a penis and join your penis brethren in the great penis bowl in the sky.

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  35. hurp durp my name is rob and i pretend the argument is about penis jokes when it's really about my poor reviewing style

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  36. well, since the people complaining are Fernie Canto and the Cuddlefish Legions, "poor review style" is a bit inaccurate. since nobody here has made any comment on my style and is instead insisting that the penis joke comic is not, in fact, a penis joke, despite the fact that the joke is, in fact, a joke where the punchline is the word "penis," I'm sticking with my interpretation! you poor souls just can't accept that the joke you love so much is a penis joke. which, I mean--it's fair. how do you live with yourselves?

    also, here's some free advice. if you are actually deriving any sort of developed opinion from my post, you are reading it wrong. it always fascinates me how, when I write posts that are utterly bereft of content except in the broadest and most general of terms, people still find very specific things to disagree with. it's almost like they're projecting their insecurities onto my shapeless reviews!

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  37. Rob...please stop. You're only making excuses here. Yes, the punchline was, in essence, a penis joke. But it's the build up, and the fact that the stickman thought he was in a secret organization that was more important. Stop focusing on the penis joke, and realize that you really didn't do that well of a job in actually reviewing the comic. Also, calling people that disagree with you cuddlefish makes you look kind of immature.

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  38. Rob, you clearly didn't get the joke. Acknowledge it. It's no big deal. I didn't get it either. As often with xkcd, I had to use google, and stumbled upon the wonderful always useful urban dictionary. And then I kinda understood the joke.

    The problem is that the comic doesn't add much to the original joke. The original prank is already about a guy thinking that he joined a secret organisation ("i'm pen 14, you can be pen 15") when in fact he was being pranked. Munroe just draw what would happen if the guy never realized that it was a prank. Which doesn't add much.

    And yes, penis jokes are funny.

    Captcha: penis. Are you kidding me??!!

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  39. wait, wait. writing an entire post praising the glories of penises, and calling everyone penisfish, doesn't make me immature, but using a word with a well-established definition does?

    why are you so incredibly retarded

    i'm not making any excuses. i am saying that the comic was a penis joke.

    incidentally, if you would go back to the part where I said that if you derived any sort of developed opinion from my post you were reading it wrong, you might find (using the deductive reasoning skills I'm sure at least one of you morons has) that reviewing the comic was not, in fact, my intention! I believe my intention was to write something that was "utterly bereft of content except in the broadest and most general of terms." mostly I wanted to type the word "penis" a lot. sorry you got all butthurt that I wrote the word "penis" a lot about your favorite comic!

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  40. the thing is rob isn't trying to review the comics. he's given up on that. when xkcdexplained gave up they stopped updating; when carl gave up he left; when rob gave up he decided to write randall/megan fic instead.

    the important point is: no-one listens to rob anyway, this site is all about the sexual tension between aloria and thaschust

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  41. Rob you're acting like a fucking cartoon villain or some shit. Real people are generally capable of taking a step back, looking at whether their typical stance or opinion is appropriate in a given situation, and adjust accordingly.

    You're acting like it would somehow be more embarrassing to retract your stance than to continue acting like a child. You didn't get the joke, wrote a shitty review, and now you're calling the people who point that out names. This blog sure has been going in all the right directions since you took over.

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  42. fuck you rob you're supposed to wait until after i've finished typing my comment to say stuff

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  43. i thought the comic was munroe telling us all about his secret club (defeating the point of it being a secret) and why torching megan's boyfriend's house was justified

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  44. The comic was NOT just a penis joke, though. We're not butthurt that you wrote the word penis a lot-we're not satisfied with reading another Randy-loves-Megan rant, when we expected an actual review, considering almost 96% of your reviews are in fact, well...reviews. Why would we expect anything else?

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  45. rochambeau: why do you think it's "clear" that I didn't get it? I got it just fine, it just bored me to no end. I have never expressed an interest in writing serious, comprehensive reviews when there are cheap, half-assed laughs available. describing a boring joke is boring. writing about penises is amusing.

    "Rob you're acting like a fucking cartoon villain or some shit. Real people are generally capable of taking a step back, looking at whether their typical stance or opinion is appropriate in a given situation, and adjust accordingly."

    first: my 'stance' is that this is a penis joke, which it is. I have not really expressed an opinion on penis jokes, though many people seem, to assume, for some reason, I guess based on the large number of penis jokes I used in the post, I dislike them. I don't think 'it's a penis joke' is an unreasonable stance, and neither do some of your fellow penis joke lovers!

    second: since when have I given the impression I'm interested in being a "real person?" this is a hate blog on the internet with extensive anonymous commenting. if I were interested in comporting myself as real, what the fuck am I doing here?

    "You didn't get the joke, wrote a shitty review, and now you're calling the people who point that out names. This blog sure has been going in all the right directions since you took over. "

    I'm exceedingly happy with the direction of it! rather than the reviews being mind-numbingly boring and 100% serious, they are now little more than invitations for flamewars. it's fucking beautiful.

    "The comic was NOT just a penis joke, though. We're not butthurt that you wrote the word penis a lot-we're not satisfied with reading another Randy-loves-Megan rant, when we expected an actual review, considering almost 96% of your reviews are in fact, well...reviews. Why would we expect anything else?"

    well, for starters, this isn't another Randy-loves-Megan rant, so maybe you should work on your reading comprehension before you go having opinions? it's pretty embarrassing when you can't even get the genre correct.

    I don't think it could really qualify as a "rant" at all, though I did make sure to include a token mention of Megan to piss off people like Anon 1:25. I think I'd go with "satirical hyperbole, penis-related" for a genre here. or possibly just "flamebait," but that's true of all my posts these days.

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  46. The last few reviews seem to be like redux except not as explicit, not as long, and with no acknowledgement that they were written sarcastically. I miss redux.

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  47. Guys. Please don't feed the Rob.

    Just discuss the comic and move on.

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  48. uh
    where did I fail to acknowledge that this was written sarcastically

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  49. I wanted to rant about audiophiles, but there's a thread for the current comic already. Screw it, I'm going to reverse the usual practice and talk about an older comic on the new thread.

    Megan is an audiophile? WTF? Are there actually any female audiophiles? Out of 50 people on the random audiophile website staff at positive-feedback.com, 1 is female (and 1 more is a gender neutral pseudonym).

    Secondly, Megan seems to be a reasonable audiophile. I'd be fine with the 5W (per #842, thats five watts, not southwest) speaker system, but wanting something better isn't extreme. Randy could've done a better job making fun of audiophiles and their magic voodoo rocks.

    AFAIK, the three things that have the biggest effect on sound quality are #1 Speakers, #2 Sound source, #3 Acoustics of play space. Megan is focused on #1. As for #2, I can't hear a difference between CD and MP3, but I could tell a CD studio recording from a Grateful Dead concert originally taped by an inebriated hippie and broadcast over an FM radio station two mountain ranges away. #3 is what the obnoxious audiophiles mostly ignore in favor of trivial, expensive improvements to sound (i.e., #4-infinity). They end up spending $50,000 on crap that has less of an impact on sound quality than making a down-payment on a house and remodeling the listening room for acoustics. (going back to positive-feedback.com, only 40% of the obnoxious audiophiles there mention their listening enviroment, and a substantial fraction apparently are renting after having blown all their cash on overpriced wire)

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  50. Well, it was pretty obvious that it was written sarcastically, but unclear as to whether there were two layers or sarcasm or three.

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  51. but Keepy, they have to explain to me that my obviously entirely deliberate stylistic decision indicates that I am dumb and don't understand the comic, otherwise how will they get to feel better about themselves on the internuts?

    always did find it fascinating that people are more interested in whining about the review than actually talking about the comic.

    "Well, it was pretty obvious that it was written sarcastically, but unclear as to whether there were two layers or sarcasm or three."

    on a good (read: non-sarcastic) day, everything that I write has at least five layers of irony to it.

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  52. like the layers of his skin

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  53. Rob has reached levels of irony not possible in our own universe, by traveling through his own singularity to another universe that's so ironic everyone has quote marks floating around their heads.

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  54. Pulling some major Bro Strider shit right there.

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  55. I wish xkcdexplained would come back and put penises into this comic. Then the cycle would come full circle (jerk).

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  56. Except there's no rocket board in all of paradox space capable of lifting Rob's fat ass.

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  57. Rob, I don't think anyone wants a completely serious review, and nor do they want one that is just about one aspect of the comic in an attempt for a cheap laugh. Don't you think it would make more sense to do a general review of the comic, pointing out the faults/good things about it, and being funny from there? I think people would like that much more than the two extremes that you believe are the only options.

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  58. what nobody /wants/ is a comment thread where whiny little bitches complain about the review not being up to their rigid standards. people want to complain about the comic. you're holding them back.

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  59. Yes, because I'm the only one saying you did something wrong. It's not like at least THREE other people have the same opinion I do.

    And "rigid standards"? Again, nobody wants a completely serious review of the comic, nor do they want one like you made here. Why is it so difficult to just point out the major points of the comic and say if they were good or not? You know, reflect on the art, the dialogue etc. It doesn't seem all that hard, and would be much more enjoyable for me personally to read.

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  60. I did use the plural form of "whiny bitch," didn't I? I'm sure I did.

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  61. Since when did whiny bitch=critic? I have yet to see anyone actually whining about it. Rather, they posted their opinion in a fairly mature and nice way. I think you should start actually listening to criticism, instead of coming up with any reason not to listen to it, and not insult the critics for it.

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  62. since you started doing it, apparently! but keep on whiny bitchin', I'm sure SOMEONE on the internet will take you seriously one of these days

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  63. Rob Mason: one hundred per cent critic-proof.

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  64. I didn't personally start anything. Other people said almost the exact same thing before I did.

    Well, that person won't seem to be you, considering you've shown really no respect for your fans whatsoever. You realize there are some people that don't just read the blog for mindless Randy hate, right? They expected actual reviews, yet lately you're only willing to give half assed reviews focusing on one unnecessary point in the comic. You also seem to not care about ANYONE's criticism whatsoever.

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  65. "Well, that person won't seem to be you, considering you've shown really no respect for your fans whatsoever. You realize there are some people that don't just read the blog for mindless Randy hate, right? They expected actual reviews, yet lately you're only willing to give half assed reviews focusing on one unnecessary point in the comic. You also seem to not care about ANYONE's criticism whatsoever. "

    it's just so damn hard to care about criticism when you don't give a fuck about what you're writing in the first place.

    and what's with this "respect" bullshit? there has never been any respect on this blog. this blog is about pure, unadulterated hate. it's a festering cesspool of the internet.

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  66. Maybe you should let Aloria out of her cage now and then. At least then there'll be some variety in the bile.

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  67. Well, that's your problem right there. You don't care enough to actually try, and you're being called out for it by some of your blog followers. How could you not expect that to happen? As I've said, you've put out better quality reviews in the past, so the expectations were obviously higher than you realized.

    And for the part about this blog being nothing but hate, and being the cesspool of the internet: that's bull. You're trying to make this blog seem as bad as 4chan, or xkcdsuxredux, when it's quite obviously not. The hate used to be a lot less forced, and was much more subtle and funny that way. It's never been just hate-filled rants that don't even address the problems, or good parts of the comics.

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  68. I post guest reviews when people send them to me.

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  69. I'm being "called out for it" by a bunch of followers who are cuddlefish, crazy, or so completely uninteresting I didn't know they existed before now. why should I listen to you when the commenters I actually like are posting positive comments?

    and you obviously have never spent time in the comment threads if you think that the hate here was ever subtle. but hey, whatever helps you sleep at night! you should probably stop arguing, because (a) I don't know or like you (b) people I don't know or like are not going to convince me, over the opinions of people I do know and like, that I should change my very intentional stylistic choices, or, indeed, spend any amount of time putting thought into this endeavor, especially if (c) they don't even know what a fucking cuddlefish is. learn the lingo if you want to pretend you're a valuable member of the community.

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  70. How is this different from Randall refusing to accept input from anyone but his sycophants?

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  71. "a valuable member of the community."

    Someone in this community is valuable?

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  72. "I'm being "called out for it" by a bunch of followers who are cuddlefish, crazy, or so completely uninteresting I didn't know they existed before now."

    Yes, because anyone that disagrees with you is crazy or a cuddlefish. It's not like they simply didn't like how you did the review or anything >.>

    "why should I listen to you when the commenters I actually like are posting positive comments?"

    Because positive and negative criticism are both equally valuable, and just listening to the positive won't help improve anything.

    "and you obviously have never spent time in the comment threads if you think that the hate here was ever subtle. but hey, whatever helps you sleep at night!"

    Did I ever say the comments were subtle? No-I said the old reviews were subtle. Also, I've been lurking for a few months now, so I do in fact know how hate filled commenters can be.

    "you should probably stop arguing"

    I haven't been arguing. You're the one who's been insulting someone and being so defensive about it-I just posted a bit of criticism and you're not mature enough to accept that.

    "(a) I don't know or like you"

    You don't have to, cause I don't really care. And I'm going to sound like a broken record, but you don't have to like someone to think their criticism is good. Do you think anyone likes Chef Ramsey, or Simon Cowell when they first hear his criticism?

    "(b) people I don't know or like are not going to convince me, over the opinions of people I do know and like, that I should change my very intentional stylistic choices, or, indeed, spend any amount of time putting thought into this endeavor"

    ^Read the above about not needing to like someone to accept and possibly apply their criticism.

    "especially if (c) they don't even know what a fucking cuddlefish is. learn the lingo if you want to pretend you're a valuable member of the community."

    How was that even relevant? I've never said I don't know what a cuddlefish is. And as I've already pointed out, that and being a valuable member of the community doesn't really mean anything.

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  73. Rob, you're never gonna get anywhere if you just listen to positive criticism. You'll never be told that you're wrong. Do you think people like Simon Cowell? A lot of people just can't take clear, blunt criticism.

    Also, ENOUGH WITH THE INSULTS ALREADY. Just because people didn't like your review, that does NOT make them cuddlefish, crazy, or whatever it is you're telling yourself here. YOU stop arguing with me, with the constant insults. I've been perfectly calm throughout the conversation. YOU, on the other hand, have repeatedly gotten defensive, and resorted to name calling.

    And why does it matter if I know what the word "cuddlefish" means? Where did that even come from?

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  74. Rob, you're never gonna get anywhere if you just listen to positive criticism. You'll never be told that you're wrong. Do you think people like Simon Cowell? A lot of people just can't take clear, blunt criticism.

    Also, ENOUGH WITH THE INSULTS ALREADY. Just because people didn't like your review, that does NOT make them cuddlefish, crazy, or whatever it is you're telling yourself here. YOU stop arguing with me, with the constant insults. I've been perfectly calm throughout the conversation. YOU, on the other hand, have repeatedly gotten defensive, and resorted to name calling.

    And why does it matter if I know what the word "cuddlefish" means? Where did that even come from?

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  75. Yes, you are clearly the very epitome of calmness here.

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  76. Holy fucking christ some of the people complaining about Rob's posts (although I don't enjoy them much either) are retarded mouthbreathers.

    First of all, cuddlefish is not a pejorative. It's xkcdsuck's nickname for anonymous posters. You want to be insulted, here: you're a bunch of cocksucking cuntfaggots.

    Secondly, you people seem to suffer the delusion that Rob actually gives a flying fuck about your opinions, this blog's popularity/success, or really anything that has to do with xkcdsucks. He simply does not. I'm pretty tired of the shitty posts myself, but I (generally not being an illiterate fuckhead) have learned that Rob does not give a shit about whether I approve or not. So I save my breath.

    Please, if anybody cares enough (and is not a bitchy little attention whore like redux) to write xkcdsuxreduxredux, go ahead. But complaining to Rob is not going to accomplish jack shit.


    And, for what it's worth, I liked 842. Penis joke and all.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Fuck this blog's posting system.

    @ Matt: generally the first one to use capslock is the one losing his temper.

    @ Ann: I thought raven owed you 50$

    ReplyDelete
  78. Fuck. Rob, did you eat my post? It was YOU WASNT IT. YOU'RE AFTER ME AAKLDJFWERPOMV:CFSL"

    Abbreviated what I said earlier because I dont care enough to talk pretty again:

    1) Cuddlefish is not a pejorative, it is the term xkcdsuckers use to describe anonymous posters. Stop being such cocksucking cuntfaggots.

    2) Rob does not give a fuck. Rob does not give a fuck. Rob does not give a fuck. Rob. Does. Not. Give. A. Fuck. How are you people not getting this yet?

    3) if anyone with the dedication (and a hundredth of the attention-whorishness of redux) wants to make xkcdsuxreduxredux, go ahead. Because I'm sick of Rob's shitty and boring (shitbing?) posts too, but since I am not illiterate I know he doesn't give a shit what I think about them. Thus I save my breath.

    ReplyDelete
  79. "Rob, you're never gonna get anywhere if you just listen to positive criticism. You'll never be told that you're wrong. Do you think people like Simon Cowell? A lot of people just can't take clear, blunt criticism."

    I never said I'd only listen to positive criticism. only that I would not take you seriously if I don't know or like you. case in point: you're the type of person who thinks that referencing Simon Cowell is an effective way to communicate, and makes a good point. this clearly casts into doubt the validity of any point you could possibly make, as well as makes you an idiot.

    "Also, ENOUGH WITH THE INSULTS ALREADY. "

    BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

    "Just because people didn't like your review, that does NOT make them cuddlefish, crazy, or whatever it is you're telling yourself here."

    nor did I say it did. the cuddlefish would be cuddlefish irrespective of their opinions here, Fernie has always been crazy, and you fall under "people so uninteresting I didn't know they existed," which is to say, people I don't care about.

    "YOU stop arguing with me, with the constant insults. I've been perfectly calm throughout the conversation."

    or in other words: "NO U"

    seriously dude? you haven't been calm. the fifteen hundred copies of your various posts trying to breach the spam filter are evidence enough of that. I've got nothing better to do right now--I'm laid up with an injury and like making fun of illiterate fuckheads such as yourself.

    "YOU, on the other hand, have repeatedly gotten defensive, and resorted to name calling."

    are you the idiot cuddlefish I was arguing with yesterday? you seem just like him.

    here's some free info: I don't "resort" to name calling. it's always been my first response, actually. it's a nice little filter. people who don't suck don't mind being called an illiterate fuckhead, and don't freak out when I use words like "cuddlefish" and insist that I'm being immature. people who do suck get all indignant that I would dare point out that they are as ugly as they are stupid and will never amount to anything in life.

    so, once you respond to my insults, I know whether you suck or don't suck, and react accordingly.

    "And why does it matter if I know what the word "cuddlefish" means? Where did that even come from? "

    well you keep acting like calling someone a cuddlefish is kind of like raping their mother. if you want to act like you're a member of the community that I should care about, you should really get to know what well-defined community words actually mean.

    since you have been invoking the community a lot--"other people agree with me" and all that jazz. since you clearly don't know fuck all about the community, your attempts to invoke it are just sad.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Ves: it's "shitring." or perhaps "borshitting." and as I have said before, I post guest posts if they're emailed to me.

    and since people seem to not understand, here's why I only listen to people I know and like:

    most complaints about my posts demonstrate a profound lack of context to them. they exaggerate and suggest that every post since I took over has been identical to the latest post, except it continues to get more like the latest post with each passing post. the degree to which cognitive biases of various forms color these shitty opinions is staggering.

    if I know you, and like you, chances are good I have an idea of what's going on in that brain of yours. if the people I know and like have something to say, I might actually pay attention to them, because they are people who, by and large, have shown themselves to have a sense of perspective and not to be batshit insane.

    otherwise, if I don't know you, or if I do know you but don't like you, I'm going to assume it's because you have the self-awareness of a slime mold that you are posting your "criticisms." unfortunately you are not actually a slime mold--I suspect they would be more articulate and interesting to talk to.

    ReplyDelete
  81. UndercoverCuddlefishJanuary 3, 2011 at 5:41 PM

    xkcdsucks is at its best and getting better with every review

    reading this blog is like watching a skillfully played game of katamari it just barrels forward absorbing everything in its path growing more and more large and powerful until it eventually devours the entire universe

    but enough about robs weight

    ReplyDelete
  82. you know they did an experiment with slime molds? placed a slime mold on a map of tokyo & the surrounding area, modelled centres of population with food and mountains, lakes, other obstacles as obstacles to the mold. anyway the mold grew into a network connecting the food that bore a striking resemblance to the tokyo rail network. it seems slime molds are very good at solving network engineering problems. the mold network even included redundancy so it was possible to transmit food through the system even if a few links were broken.

    ReplyDelete
  83. it's here if you want more details. fascinating stuff.

    fingers crossed randall reads this and that will be the topic of his next xkcd. "Slime molds. They work, bitches."

    ReplyDelete
  84. yeah, I heard about that one. it was pretty neat.

    ...am I giving the cuddlefish too much credit, d'you think?

    ReplyDelete
  85. slime mold: smarter than engineers?

    ReplyDelete
  86. This new style of troll is pretty cool. Pretend to be trying your best to make a reasonable argument and make Rob write long walls of text. (Who's reading that??)

    In a few weeks the response to this kind of troll will also have evolved into a pretense of rational argument, and the internet will have come full circle.

    KEEP ON WRITING CRAP ON THE INTERNET GUYS

    ReplyDelete
  87. "Ves: it's "shitring." or perhaps "borshitting." and as I have said before, I post guest posts if they're emailed to me."

    I like "borshitting" even if it sounds vaguely Russian.

    And yes, not being an illiterate fuckhead myself I understand you publish guest posts when you receive them. That part was intended at the illiterate fuckheads who are upset about your posts and want them to change but fail to grasp how in their tiny tiny brains. I fancy myself a foul-mouthed Prometheus, bringing knowledge to the stupid people one insult at a time.

    ReplyDelete
  88. sadly, they all think their opinion is important and reasonable, and that if they keep saying 'NO I AM BEING REASONABLE AND YOU JUST KEEP INSULTING ME' that I will actually care what they have to say. your effort is noble but, you know, probably fruitless.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Well i'm a cuttlefish and i got a very partial and indirect mention in one of your recent reviews with my holocaust reference.
    So you do notice us! You can't help it Robert.

    ReplyDelete
  90. @Jesus H. Christ

    Dare I ask? What's the H stand for?

    ReplyDelete
  91. i never said i didn't notice, just that i don't take seriously

    ReplyDelete
  92. OMG you don't take the holocaust serisouly?! You are a bad man Robert! A bad bad man!

    ReplyDelete
  93. Rob hates jews and said he wants to end their race once and for all. You heard it hre first on xkcdsucks!

    ReplyDelete
  94. rob hates jews

    they just don't taste nice

    ReplyDelete
  95. The H is for Horatio.

    Jesus Horatio Christ

    ReplyDelete
  96. If i said i was the son of someones god and claimed kingship over them and then THEY FUCKING KILLED ME!! i would have to hate them.

    Thats why jesus possesed hiter to kill them. That failed so now hes using rob as his puppet I should make a film. The Revenge of Jesus!

    ReplyDelete
  97. Anon that was just terrible.

    Just terrible.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Now I'm imaging Rob as a little puppet.

    xkcdsucks was brought to you today by the letter 'K'!

    ReplyDelete
  99. Rob, the site is channeling your desire to "meet real guys" again.

    Also, you people have to learn that Rob can't process anything that questions his infallibility, he is sort of like the Pope.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Wow that slime thing is pretty cool. I have to admit, at first the new breed of cuddlefish (who are apparently socially superior - more mature and polite, rather than just being smarter than the rest of us) was just annoying now, but I'm starting to see a sort of evolution happening, they're all just part of the circle of internet life, really it's beautiful in its own way

    ReplyDelete
  101. "I post guest reviews when people send them to me."

    That's what I call a "cue". You'll be hearing from me, Rob.

    ReplyDelete
  102. @MykalT: Next up they'll find a way to replace Rob and formulate in his name complex but subtly flawed arguments against XKCD comics for each post, with "Rob" profusely apologizing in each thread after someone within moments comes in and corrects his arguments with formulaic accuracy and efficiency.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Rob your joke review isn't funny. It is in fact less funny than the XKCD strip you're reviewing, which is quite the fucking accomplishment.

    In fact it doesn't even seem like a joke review, unless the joke is "my review was shitty hahaha."

    Seriously try and do better. Do actual reviews.

    ReplyDelete
  104. hmm, let me think about it.

    ...nah.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Honestly I think this most recent post, though many seem to hate it so, is a big step up from the previous one.

    ReplyDelete
  106. arthur: but the previous one was an actual review! isn't that what the idiot hordes are clamoring for?

    hey, here's a challenge I just thought of for all five of you haters out there! if you actually want to convince me that you "used to like" my reviews, let's play a game!

    it's called, "prove it, you useless piece of shit!" show some examples! sing my praises, send me links of my finest works! tell your children of my great deeds! because right now I'm pretty sure you're just anonymous concern trolls, which, you know, is true. give yourself a compelling backstory and maybe I'll stop calling you an illiterate fuckhead and stick to plain old "fuckhead!"

    ReplyDelete
  107. There was some better ones you've done, a lot of them were ones where you went like "this one's almost funny but then he fucks it up" etc, because that kind of forces you to properly review it.

    http://xkcdsucks.blogspot.com/2010/11/comic-817-words-cannot-express.html
    This one's pure hate and shit, but it's still better than your later "pure hate and shit" posts because again, it's actually a review. I'm too lazy to go further back or check out some of the ones I skimmed more in depth.

    But you're right in that your serious reviews can be a little dull. It's not because serious reviews are inherently dull though, it's just you're straight up not as good at this as Carl was.

    ReplyDelete
  108. yeah, I guess that's why everyone was always complaining about how utterly boring Carl's reviews were, then. 'cos he was better than me. that makes a lot of sense!

    ReplyDelete
  109. It seems like you were pretty aright pre-November in general actually.

    I don't know why you keep doing this given that you don't give enough of a shit to do it right though.

    ReplyDelete
  110. @Anon 846, the big difference between that review and the latest post is the quality of the two comics. 817 was horrendously bad, ripe for critique and hatred. But the average xkcd is just so bland, it's barely even worth a proper review.

    CAPTCHA: icrefli. I believe icrefli, I believe I can touch the sky.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Fair enough. But regardless, if you don't want to put in the effort to make good posts, then don't act like you're allowed to get all offended when people say "hey this is kinda shit."

    Or pull that "why should I listen to you when the commenters I actually like are posting positive comments?" shit, because to be honest that makes you sound like a fucking 14 year old from Deviantart or some shit.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Fair enough. Regardless, if you don't actually want to do things properly, don't act like somebody's somehow mistaken in pointing out that "hey this is kinda shit."

    Also don't pull that "why should I listen to you when the commenters I actually like are posting positive comments?" shit. It makes you look retarded. I mean, that shouldn't even be an actual quote, yet it is.

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  113. Honestly Rob. Don't take these people seriously. They're just trying to get you to through a hissy fit and quit like redux did.

    This review wasn't as good as the last one but it was still profoundly more entertaining to me than the "comic" that prompted it.

    PS: I guess Randy's well of high-school humor has gone dry. He's now drilling in primary school. Can we expect a Red Rover joke soon?

    ReplyDelete
  114. Someone did that to the guy 20 years ago, and it turned him paranoid enough to set someone's house on fire. It's not just a penis joke.

    ReplyDelete
  115. "Also don't pull that "why should I listen to you when the commenters I actually like are posting positive comments?" shit. It makes you look retarded. I mean, that shouldn't even be an actual quote, yet it is."

    my question still stands, actually! I can't just accept everyone's feedback as equally valid when it's frequently contradictory. so I'm faced with people who are either demonstrably crazy or completely unknown saying they dislike it, or people I know and like saying they do like it. guess whose feedback I am more inclined to believe.

    "Honestly Rob. Don't take these people seriously. They're just trying to get you to through a hissy fit and quit like redux did."

    don't worry. mostly I think they're hilarious. the way they just keep on bitching anonymously as if one of them will finally succeed where hundreds of posts worth of them have failed before.

    ReplyDelete
  116. Rob WHY have you abandoned "Kittens Often Lie"? I wanted to know how it ends up. Are you never going to update it again?

    ReplyDelete
  117. I wasn't updating that one. that was shufti. blame him! I was sad it got abandoned too.

    ReplyDelete
  118. The biggest proof that people here are illiterate is that they have been unable to read the title of the blog. Let's keep it simple.

    THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT PROPERLY REVIEWING XKCD.

    At least, not anymore. Sure, it CAN be about reviewing XKCD, and the majority of time, it is. But how about you morons go read the tagline of this blog.

    Does it say "A compliation of balanced reviews of XKCD"?
    Does it say "Reviewing XKCD in a nasty, bitter tone"?
    NO.
    The tagline is, and I quote: "[a] vitriolic and bitter collection of unwarranted nastiness about a silly and harmless comic."

    As long as Rob is being mean about Randall's comic, he's fulfilling his role as makeshift blogmaster. Whatever else he does is either a bonus or blahblahblah.

    ReplyDelete
  119. "As long as Rob is being mean about Randall's comic, he's fulfilling his role as makeshift blogmaster."

    Rob is going to make us roll for initiative?

    ReplyDelete
  120. I'm wondering how much longer this blog can go on. Explained quit, Redux pussed out... now xkcdsucks is the sole provider of reliable xkcd hatred on the internet!

    Surely there must be some sort of anti-trust law to prevent this kind of thing.

    ReplyDelete
  121. @TheMesosade
    Does that mean the playing field is in fact open for anyone who does decide to set up a blog with the tagline "A compilation of balenced reviews of XKCD?"

    Because if so...
    Who's ready for an adventure?!

    *Realizes nobody actually knows who he is.*
    *Leaves quietly.*

    ReplyDelete
  122. Wow, never thought I'd be brought to say this, but the sheer volume of insults flying throughout this comment thread drives me to action: I approve of the job Rob has done with this review. Is it an actual review? No. Would anyone want to read actual reviews of all 842 xkcds? No. Is Randall's comic a penis joke in essence and utterly unworthy of respect, and has Rob grasped this essential fact? Yes.

    Cuttlefish, begone! Also, Rob, your endorsement of guest reviews of xkcds motivates me to write a mole-centric piece. Speak now or forever live in fear of the arrival in your in-box of an article populated by the groping horrors which claw in and below the cloying sod of gardens everywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Don't worry, Rob. I, anonymous, will write the next review!

    ReplyDelete
  124. I don't mind the posts here not always being normal reviews, especially since xkcdexplained and redux both dropped out. Some variety is good, not every comic needs to have each detail scrutinized, and sometimes it's better to just write something silly and get the comments rolling.

    And even though I did like this comic (once the "Pen 15" thing was explained to me), I liked this post too because I assumed the whole point of it was to look back with irony at Randy's old "Can we move on?" comic while he's still making penis jokes.

    Anyway... is it just a penis joke? Not a penis joke? At least a bit MORE than just a penis joke? Who cares, and why bother trying to convince Rob that it's something else just so you can get his some validation from him for your sense of humor? I LIKE THIS ONE EVEN IF IT'S A PENIS JOKE, DAMN I LOVE THOSE PENISES.

    ReplyDelete
  125. PENISES!!!!

    for those of you who want to do guest things, my email address is in my blogger profile. I also like putting up XKCD-related rants that aren't actually about the comics, but by and large I like to avoid things that can't be more or less directly tied to XKCD.

    probably if I get more than one review for a comic I will just throw them all up there in a hideous free-for-all of reviewing. (though last time it happened I just wrote my own, because it was a really, really terrible comic)

    ReplyDelete
  126. I feel the need to mention this; don't know if it's relevant.

    The first panel, and the general format of the current xkcd, reminded me a bit of this Non Sequitur comic: http://www.gocomics.com/feature_items/explore?page=4&tag=239

    I don't know, the whole idea of a kid asking about an arm tattoo, and then an adult explains that it is related to a murderous rampage? And then you return to the scene with the kid and the adult for a subversion of expectations? Are these comics related, or am I just a conspiracy theorist?

    ReplyDelete
  127. Carl this isn't a penis joke... Or even a joke about penis jokes.

    The joke is the man is in an anarchic secret society innocuously called 'PEN15.'

    It's a statement. ON EVERYTHING.

    ReplyDelete
  128. good point! the best name for a secret society would be a joke name like pen15, that way no one would suspect it was legit!

    BRING ON THE MURDERS!

    ReplyDelete
  129. For what it was worth, i thought the review was hilarious rob.

    -Ls777 of the secret iCUP club

    ReplyDelete
  130. Wow, this thread grew like a fungus. Now I'm almost convinced that xkcd haters are the same as the fans: they have NO LIFE!

    Also, Rob, I didn't make a criticism against your reviewing style. I actually like most of your posts, but I just thought this one failed; it was like you couldn't find fault in the actual comic and went haywire with "BUT I MUST HATE IT! MUST HATE IT!", which is generally annoying. But I wasn't willing to bring on a shitstorm about it, after all, I'm not spearheading a revolution or anything.

    I don't bother with this review; I'm more bothered with the fact that the fans are going "And this is exhibit A on WHY RANDALL IS A TOTAL GENIOUS (sic)" and I have no pertinent reasons to make fun of them. :(

    ReplyDelete
  131. Everyone has it's tatses, but I have two questions:

    1.- Is it really that bad?

    2.- You made a blog just to complain about a comic?

    ReplyDelete
  132. 1. Yes.
    2. This probably covered under 'rob's rants' on the left somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  133. It's really not a penis joke at all. You say "jokes about penis jokes are still penis jokes." But the *humor* isn't derived from the reference to penises. The joke is that the guy took the whole thing so seriously (with dire consequences) when in fact it was all a dumb grade-school prank -- the fact that it was the "Pen15" club joke and not some other well-known juvenile prank scarcely makes a difference.

    If you think it's funny because Randy made a vague reference to penises, then you totally didn't get it. The reader is meant to recognize the reference, and moreover to recognize it as a stupid kids joke. If the reader thinks "Pen15" is some hilarious prank, then the actual joke *doesn't work at all*.

    ReplyDelete
  134. I don't know man, I mainly laughed at the PENIS, I didn't care for the setup at all

    ReplyDelete
  135. What the heck Rob, you clearly didn't get the joke because you had to make an edit explaining that you hadn't realised the bit about the kids' secret society joke - you know, the PUNCHLINE. Jokes about schoolkids' penis jokes aren't penis jokes themselves, this is making a joke about a person who never "got" the penis joke. So basically what 4am said.

    Am I being trolled into defending xkcd here? I just don't know anymore. Let's all wait til tomorrow and then we can hate Randy together again.

    ReplyDelete
  136. roughly 100 vitrolic comments about how a comic in which the punchline is "penis" isn't actually about penises at all but the sort of humour you found funny when you were 12.

    I love you rob. so much.

    ReplyDelete
  137. I wish I could be just like rob

    I mean honestly really he's like some kind of troll Shakespeare.

    Also thanks to this review and comment thread the word 'penis' sounds odd and meaningless to me.

    ReplyDelete
  138. I didn't notice it at first but that fire really does look just awful

    ReplyDelete
  139. Rob, I see you're still unfunny as usual. It is patently obvious that you are out of ideas. Even when people seek to amuse no one but themselves, they try different things if they can.

    You are stuck in a boring rut like you claim Randall is, and after only a fraction of the time.

    Furthermore, if a joke about penis jokes is a penis joke, then a joke about xkcd is xkcd. Hence you are xkcd. NOOOOOOO

    ReplyDelete
  140. SHUT UP PENIS HEAD

    ReplyDelete
  141. Charles Augustus FortescueJanuary 4, 2011 at 8:40 AM

    I think it's bad form for the post author to contribute such a high percentage of the comments under the post. As I write this, Rob is on 18.75%, which is clearly too high for a post with more than ten comments.

    ReplyDelete
  142. Clearly Charles Augustus Fortescue is on to something.

    How Orwellian ...

    captcha: petaeate, sounds like a delicious meal of meat (moar liek man meat AMIRITE?!?!?)

    penis

    ReplyDelete
  143. SOYLENT GREEN IS PENIS

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  144. Ironically this thread has made the word 'penis' much more funny for me now.

    PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS

    capchca: blers

    How you feel after eating too much PENIS

    ReplyDelete
  145. Penisfish makes a good point, I mean penis

    ReplyDelete
  146. It's telling that this page contains 108 occurrences of the word "penis", but not a single vagina.

    ReplyDelete
  147. I don't know what you're talking about. There are plenty of cunts.

    ReplyDelete
  148. I think this comic had been good had the punchline came very last. Something to the effect of "I am proud to be a part of... pen15."

    Once you see "pen fifteen," you "get it." (At least, if you heard of that prank in middle school.) Since "pen fifteen" came a bit early in the last panel, it's like the rest of the sentence was unnecessary. Randall has a problem with continuing to write when he should stop.

    ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT HE SHOULD HAVE SAID PENIS LAST.

    ReplyDelete
  149. I like how Losingmymind assumes that blogs are some holy devises that you dare not use for mocking lowly webcomics. 90% of blogs are about stupid meaningless shit, but are still fantastic and wonderful, much like Rib's gravitational pull.

    ReplyDelete
  150. The comic: The only really bad thing about it was the art, with the floating heads/fire. I guess you could say the penis part was immature, but the comic is making fun of the character's naiveness towards something so silly. So it's pretty obvious that Randy was making fun of immature penis jokes here.

    As for the review...well, as others have said, it's not really a review. So I can't comment on it too much other than I just didn't find it all that funny or enjoyable. I prefer funny reviews, not...what this was. Oh well, maybe the next one will be better for me.

    ReplyDelete
  151. Holy hell there are some stupid fucking people commenting here. Rob I totally understand why you don't bother explaining things to them and simply troll them instead.

    ReplyDelete
  152. also, there is now a 100% increase in the number of instances of the word "vagina" used since Mister Sir first performed his calculations

    ReplyDelete
  153. It doesn't matter why PENIS was said. If a joke ends with PENIS, it's still a fucking penis joke.

    And hurrah for Rob: trolling the fuck out of closet xkcd-lovers.

    ReplyDelete
  154. "Also thanks to this review and comment thread the word 'penis' sounds odd and meaningless to me."

    this here makes it all worthwhile.

    @fake Ryan Learn: nice try, but no such luck, sorry.

    "I think it's bad form for the post author to contribute such a high percentage of the comments under the post. As I write this, Rob is on 18.75%, which is clearly too high for a post with more than ten comments. "

    many people would disagree, such as people who expect the author to actually respond to comments, since theoretically their purpose is to communicate with the author. but hey, what do I know? I just run a successful hate blog.

    ReplyDelete
  155. This is a hate blog now? Should I alert the SPLC?

    ReplyDelete
  156. This is pretty unrelated, but I was just glancing back through the archives of angry rants, and I stubbled across this gem from an xkcd fan. Apparently Randall and all his super-cronies are far more smart and witty than the mere pleb-cronies!

    http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=31442&st=0&sk=t&sd=a#p1052490

    Worth a couple of lols.

    ReplyDelete
  157. I've seen that a fair amount on the forodes, actually. they like to pretend they're being humble by saying "wow, I like these people because they're even smarter than I am," ignoring the fact that they are declaring "finding people smarter than them" to be a normally difficult task.

    ReplyDelete
  158. Rob, the people criticizing you aren't xkcd fans. We're people who have been on this site for ages reading Carl's reviews and agreeing with them. Just admit that you suck at this whole thing.

    ReplyDelete
  159. the proportion of comments complaining about the reviews has not significantly increased since carl's tenure. if anything they've gone down some, since nobody actually liked Carl's reviews (they were boring as all get-out) and people actually like mine. so, no, I'm good

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  160. "jokes about penis jokes are still penis jokes"

    Fun Fact:

    This review contains (approximately) 16 penis jokes, and 1 joke about Megan.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Congratulations, anon 4:45! After reading 150+ comments proving repeatedly that Rob does not care about the opinions of anonymous posters, you have clearly created a powerful argument that will change his mind.

    How do you do it?

    ReplyDelete
  162. I don't know about this criterion for penis jokes being thrown around. For example:

    A fireman, a plumber and a clown are at a bar. The fireman is talking about his newborn son. 'I'm the happiest guy in town. My son's got his mother's eyes.' To which the plumber replies, 'I'm even happier. My son laughed for the first time yesterday and he's got his momma's beautiful smile.' As the clown is about to speak the Pope suddenly enters and says 'ME, I'M ALL ABOUT THE CHILD PENIS!'

    Is that a penis joke or a terrible indictment of today's catholicism??

    ReplyDelete
  163. Neither, it's an unfunny non-sequitur.

    ReplyDelete
  164. "This review contains (approximately) 16 penis jokes, and 1 joke about Megan. "

    i would argue that this review is, in fact, one long, hard penis joke

    ReplyDelete
  165. "i would argue that this review is, in fact, one long, hard penis joke"

    ...Which itself is a recursive penis joke.

    The meta has exploded my brain. I hope you're goddamn pleased with yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  166. http://www.webcitation.org/5vVBJh1GU

    I only wish I lived in that universe so I could levitate shit with my mind. But, I think putting up with pretentious snobs would force me to kill everyone in the most gruesome way possible.

    ReplyDelete
  167. I wish Randall lived in that universe too so we wouldn't have to deal with his terrible comics.

    Interesting that the "appeal to middle-schoolers" premise is only further proven by this new comic, too. And I bet it'd be pretty funny when that page got vandalized every single day by kids playing pranks on the teacher.

    I don't see why he's holding up Wikipedia as some sort of glorious fount of knowledge and wisdom. While Wikipedia isn't as inaccurate or terrible as its detractors make it out to be, it's hardly a completely trustworthy source.

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  168. @Nate: In this universe Wikipedia isn't reliable; Randall has one more reason to want to be Over There.

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  169. Short Game: Read the caption seven times, each time stressing a different word. Fourth time is the winner.

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  170. Glass being a slow flowing liquid is a common misconception?

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  171. Randall, you clever bastard. Putting your date on "the first tuesday of february" so that everyone can get ready to actually do it by the time it comes

    And yes, there will be teachers who actually do this. Be afraid.

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  172. Really? Every teacher I've ever had is firmly convinced that Wikipedia is 75% inaccurate. (Although as far as I know, none of those teachers read XKCD. Coincidence?)

    Captcha: heblek; a moderately accurate textual representation of my reaction to this comic.

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  173. Wikipedia is a sufficiently trustworthy source, equivalent to an encyclopedia on the majority of topics it will be used to search for. Besides, this comic doesn't hold it up as 'some sort of glorious fount of knowledge and wisdom', it's just extolling the virtues of this particular page.

    I went and had a look at the page, though, and it's a very odd page. To start with, it essentially reads like a quick digest of Snopes. It doesn't really feel very encyclopediac at all, especially considering the inherent judgment that would need to be applied in determining which items to cover and the depth they should be covered in. I'd almost consider it delete-worthy.

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  174. Randall really HAS started to target the middle school crowd.

    And damn that "Okay, middle school students..." sounds awkward as all fuck-out! And what the fuck does being wrong have to do with parties? Especially for middle schoolers. He could've just left it at "Alright, students..." or something.

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  175. Yeah, wtf. That page is so against what Wikipedia is about. I hope it gets deleted thus requiring more effort for someone who reads this comic in the future to go searching for the article's history, thus ruining the joke. I would be sooo happy.

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  176. people like to make smalltalk where they tell you Common Misconceptions as facts.

    this doesn't make the comic good, of course

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  177. I think it WOULD be beneficial if people were made to read that page or something equivalent - I doubt there's a single person here who hasn't heard someone state something from there as fact - but a good comic this doesn't make? Honestly, Randall should just get a twitter and use it for ideas like that rather than forcing them into comics. Then either he'd make good comics or he'd run out of material.

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  178. randy's common misconceptions:
    i am superior
    xkcd is funny
    restraining orders have no actual power
    megan has and will always love me

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  179. ahaha now those mouthbreathers won't say dumb things at all those parties. good one randall!

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  180. The power of true love is to always overcome the satanic might of restraining orders!

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  181. The ironic thing about common misconceptions is they make really cool filters for XKCD-reading aspergers sufferers

    "I mean man, have you seen that guy? he moves slower than glass flows"

    "WELL ACTUALLY GLASS ISN'T A LIQUID SO YOU'RE WRONG WRONG WRONG!! huehuehue MAYBE YOU SHOULD READ THIS!"

    *calls up wikipedia's misconception page on a 1337 freetard droid phone*

    "Randy, please, Megan filed that restraining order for a reason. You scare her."

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  182. "no, we'll use my netbook. it runs LINUX!"

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  183. 843: Instead of reading a Wikipedia page, they should just watch QI: also challenges common misconceptions, but is actually fun (and about equally likely as Wikipedia to be wrong on occasion).

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  184. In addition: quick, somebody edit that Wikipedia page and add "XKCD is funny" in there somewhere.

    I don't normally approve of wiki vandalism, but in this case I'll make an exception!

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  185. Bluh. I had an alternte review of Comic 842 ready, but let it to be sent later. Then I lost my contact with the internet and now I'm not even in my computer, so too late now. Will post later in pastebin, maybe.

    Stilted dialogue, bad art(what is that in the teacher's hand?) and panders to the xkcd fan sense of superiority...

    Typical XKCD. Suckety-sucks.

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  186. So, is it common in America that middle school teachers greet their classes by saying "Hello middle school students"?

    Because I think that sounds a tiny bit weird.
    But maybe that universe he wants to live in also features android teachers...

    (That wiki page is a fun read though, gotta admit that.)

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  187. RULE OF THUMB: No piece of dialog in any XKCD ever is something that a normal human would ever say.

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  188. Did you know that Rob unconsciously swallows three sentient entities and twelve unique blog posts every day? True fact.

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  189. HELLO KINDERGARTEN STUDENTS

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  190. Came and saw this thread exploded. Probably mentioned repeatedly and I saw it skimming through. I miss Carl, sorry Rob, but those who are saying yours is not as good is correct. I liked Carl "boring" reviews. It had good analysis and critique with a good bit of humor. Yours is just hateful with your angry pose. It worked well when it was your rants, now that you took over Carl's review, it is not as enjoyable or thought provoking.

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  191. @ant8904 i like the idea of rob having an "angry pose"

    its the pose he strikes whenever anyone mentions xkcd or diets

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