Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Comic 852: Of Poles

[Noted Satanic carrion fowl "Ravenzomg" has emailed me this work of perfection. Look upon its works, ye mighty, and despair. -Ed.]

Rob fumbled with his keys, anxious to open the door to his apartment. The air was cool, but he knew he'd find warmth in his home. Sliding the door open, he tossed his fingerless gloves (so not Hipster, they're just really convenient) onto the table and pushed the door behind him, arching his back to stretch his stiff, swollen muscles.

The day of biking hadn't gone according to plan (the biking keeps me fit, he reminds himself, it's totally not a Hipster thing), and he'd just barely escaped a two-car collision that could've pounded him into limp, lifeless man-meat.

Rob took the time to slip the shoes of his perfectly formed feet, standing a moment as the blood flushed into them in the absence of their binding, his long, curved appendages now free to enjoy the hardwood floors (See? Totally not Hipster, he nearly said aloud to the room).

As he walked into the living room the hair on the back of his neck stood on end, raised with anticipation of the unforeseeable. He paused, as if stopped by a barrier, and pushed himself with concerted effort through the doorway into the dark beyond.

“Hello, Rob,” a voice called, and he gasped.

“It can't be!”

“But it is I, Rob, indeed.”

“That stilted prose! I'd know it anywhere!” Rob lurched forward, and with a jerk swung his arm at the light switch, hammering it on as his pulse raised. He could feel it, he thought, pulsing in his entire body. Despite his injuries— or perhaps because of them, he thought with a mad grin— he felt eager and ready to face his enemy. “Randall!”

“Yes it is, Rob.” He lay there, lounging on the couch with a laptop on the angular coffee table, the networking window still open, flashing with a pulsing necessity. His wi-fi! The bastard!

“How did you get in here?” Rob ejaculated hoarsely, gritting his teeth in a mix between shock and agony, tweaked with the slightest pleasure. At last, here was his chance to show the Man what he truly felt.

“I know quite a lot about you,” Randall moaned.

“The blog! You know how I feel about you?” Rob stepped closer, clenching and unclenching his fists in time with his pulse. Thump. Thump. Thump. The rhythmic beat was ecstasy to him, and he knew that it was only just beginning.

“I know how you think you would like me to think you think of me,” Randall replied with agonizing pronoun use.

“That's what she said!” Rob retorted, and Randall's face for the briefest moment, those perfect contours before so controlled and suave, slipped into wide-eyed pleasure.

“You remembered!”

“Number 174, it was always my favourite.” Rob sat down, mere inches from Randall, his eyes beginning to water. “I used to love your work, I used to be your holy warrior! But you've changed! And — I just can't stand to see you desecrate your holy relics, those sacred 300 comics of ere!”

“But Rob,” he says, his voice now a whisper, “It was all a lure. I'd become so popular, that I— I....” his voice broke and Rob's hand flung to Randall's bony shoulder, gripping it with an intensity he didn't think possible.

“I always thought you'd forgotten me...” Rob moaned, but Randall shook his head, eyes glistening.

“No, Rob, you were always my favourite. This was my way.... to reach you.”

They sat in silence only a moment before the inevitable occurred, and Rob was all too pleased that he lurched forward first, his lips all to eager to meet their match, the match he knew was always destined —Fated! He wanted to scream. This union was ordained by a Fate the universe could not explain.

Randall pushed Rob back, straddling him in one fell motion before Rob could feel slighted, instantly knowing that that riding position had been used on no other before him. Randall leaned in, and Rob sighed, tasting his breath on his lips. Cheetos. Not the cheap knock-off brand, but the real thing. But as Randall leaned closer, their lips mere inches apart, Rob's joy a throbbing reality that threatened to envelope both of them, when Randall paused, uncertain.

“What is it?” Rob whispered softly, his hand caressing Randall's side.

“Pole-vaulting.”

“You.... you want to try that?” Rob asked, his cheeks flushing. How did he know his every desire? Truly, no other man could love Rob like Randall could.

But Randall had swung his shapely thigh over Rob's tender midsection ( and not from the accident, he realized, grabbing the laptop and typing away hurriedly.

“You know gravity's different depending upon where you are?” Randall asked rhetorically— he was at work now, and he needed no input.

Rob sighed, tears flowing all too eagerly. But these were not the tears of anticipation, nor ecstasy: They felt like his lifeblood, flowing straight out of his eye sockets. His hand reached all over Randall, daring a response.

But none would come; the man was at work now, with no time for that sweet distraction. His fans depended upon him, Rob realized. And that's why there could never be a Mrs. Randall.

“What if someone re-evaluated the old records based upon that?” Randall's voice called from the living room, as Rob poured himself a heaping mug of whisky.

“I bet they'd be really aaaaaaangry!” he continued. Rob was silent. He knew it had to end, he always knew it. But he'd bought a second laptop, and damn straight he was going to use it. Holding the whisky in one hand, he walked to his room and withdrew that laptop, used only the night before.

“And, since they're athletes, they'd be great at athlete stuff! Y'know?”

Rob sat down next to Randall, setting his laptop besides his. He opened the window and typed the words into his browser slowly.

He closed his eyes, and opened them to see the XKCD site on the computer in front of him. To the right, the second laptop was open to XKCDsucks, ready to post a scathing comment on the thread he'd created. But that would come later— for now, he had to draw his XKCD comic and upload it before midnight.

As he sat alone in the room, his midsection still numb from an accident he barely remembered, he started to wonder: Did I create Randall, or did I create Rob? Who did I used to be before all this?

But there never would be an answer. Just as there could never be a Mrs. Randall, there could never be a Mrs. Rob. The dichotomy of the man meant that he would be all that he ever required.

With a sigh, he hit upload and scuttled over to his second laptop, loading the XKCD site as if it were something new. His comic was up; of course it was. Ready to be torn apart with meaningless ad hominem attacks, because really: what in this perfection could genuinely be disenchanted?


Title: Local G. Tool-tip: In Rio de Janeiro in 2016, the same jump will get an athlete 0.25% (>1cm) than in London four years prior

116 comments:

  1. Oh. Also, the first panel says "buy" instead of "by." Thought you'd get into that, first. Nice gay love thing, though.

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  2. Too bad the buy thing will never get corrected, since Randall doesn't get do-overs.

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  3. I'm confused...what's with the gay love story thing?

    Anyway the comic-took a while for me to get past the horrible typeo. Other than that the comic would've been very much improved without the dialogue in the last panel. The cartoon can stay, just not the dialogue

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  4. Great, now you're writing great big Megan fantasies so eager are you to shoehorn her into everything.

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  5. When I first read the comic, my RSS reader was set up in such a way that at first I read the comic without knowing there was a bottom row. And really I think that improves it...

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  6. LOL my mistake, "Rob" was written instead of "Megan." I think it's starting to be clear what is truly meant by this obsession with Randall supposedly having an obsession with Megan...

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  7. Anon @ 10:11: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FoeYay

    VARY BUY.

    VARY FUCKING BUY.

    I AM NEVER GOING TO FORGET THIS ONE.

    AS THE WORLD'S MOST PEDANTIC GRAMMAR TROLL, I HEREBY DECLARE I SHALL NOT EVER FORGET THIS PARTICULARLY EXCEPTIONAL MISUSE OF HOMONYMS.

    EVER.

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  8. Wow. There actually exists a group of people dedicated to...hating stick figures? Pathetic.

    Buy the way, don't bye into this.

    Goodby.

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  9. Oops, forgot to fit bi in there somewhere.

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  10. I don't get this comic, somebody explain. How did the pole vaulters get onto the balcony? They didn't even pass the main guy.

    Maybe if I knew I could find the punchline...

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  11. Fuck you, xkcd loyalist, the very fact that you're loyal to a steaming pile of manure invalidates any opinion you may have.

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  12. Firstly, this goes to you xkcd Loyalist.
    - You are a homo. Fucking kill yourself.

    Secondly, I haven't visited this site (or xkcd) since that vagina drawing cartoon on the desks. Firefox's awesome bar took me to xkcd by mistake. A bad mistake. I thought to myself "xkcd sucks", and looked up this site again.

    The thing that fucks me off most about the comic is that Randall seems to think that athletes actually care what a nerd writes about. That they'd somehow look this nerd up, and simultaneously gather outside the house. And then that ASSPIE syndrome of not knowing how people talk! "Make him pay". NERD, YOU ARE A ROBOT. "MAKE HIM PAY <<< BRR, ROBOT". Fucking kill yourself Randall.

    * Sorry, can I just interrupt. CENTRIFUGAL. Yes, I'm sure people care. Oh, not centripetal, not angular momemtum, not some other bullshit physics thing that people don't give a shit about.

    Those last four panels. I know you think you are more intelligent than us Randall. But we all figured out that polevaulters might vault into the apartment. You do not need to spell it out with another four frames. You should have ended it with the polevaulters ripping off stickman's head, then raping (or giving oral sex) to Megan.

    This might have been the stupidest comment I have ever.. NERD> TALK LIKE A ROBOT>> NERD

    Right.

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  13. "Cheetos. Not the cheap knock-off brand, but the real thing."

    Awesome.

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  14. http://www.webcitation.org/5w1GlZyo9

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  15. I believe that Raven enjoyed writing this far too much.

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  16. I had promised myself that there would not be a third party in the scoring, but it seems an exception must be made. This was pure win.

    Rob: 0.5
    Idiocy: 1.5
    Randall: Zilch
    Ravenzomg: 1

    AA Signing out.

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  17. Raven definitely added more hominem. ;D

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  18. That was pretty magical. Thank you, ravenzomg.

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  19. Waitwait, what?

    I can't tell, are they supposed to be the same person? Or just Foe Yay.

    Good bi.

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  20. Brazil is the new hotness, right? It seems he suddenly discovered this country existed, such as in that other comic where it is the only South American country labelled.

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  21. Brazil's rep is like Thailand's when it comes to chicks with dicks isn't it? I bet Randall looks up Brazil on the internet all the time.

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  22. "Oh. Wow. Randall, have you done this on purpose? My life may just be over. An intelligent person that I look up to for intelligence wrote the wrong "by/buy"?

    Please. Edit. Get this ugly stain off whatever it's on. Unless it was on purpose! *realisation face*"

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  23. I've never been so turned on in my life.

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  24. Boring comment: Isn't this sort of the thing really well known? I'm sure I've read about 100m records being adjusted to take account of the fact that the air is thinner at high altitudes; I would be unsurprised if there wasn't a similar calculation that had been done to take account of the (not particularly abstruse) local variation in g.

    Not-boring comment: you are my hero Ravenzomg

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  25. Apt that the XKCD loyalist's comments included post-punchline dialogue.

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  26. As soon as I saw the balcony I knew the joke was going to be them pole-vaulting up. It might be a new record to have 5 panels after the punchline becomes obvious.

    Also, way to not have the punchline have anything to do with the science-y setup.

    Captcha: ressis. Rob could not ressis Randall's man-kisses.

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  27. @raven: I love this post and I want your babies.

    @xkcd loyalist: I will punch you right in the vagina you stupid douchenozzle

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  28. This review was so awesome. I wanted it to never end.

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  29. @Anon1210: They're both Edward Norton, obviously.

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  30. Guys, I'm sure the xkcd loyalist post was written in jest. No self-respecting xkcd loyalist would give themself the title of "xkcd loyalist".

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  31. The "buy" thing has already been corrected, with no mention of course

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  32. "Randall pushed Rob back, straddling him in one fell motion..."

    More like "one fellatio motion", amirite?

    And I'm not sure raven drinks whiskey all that often...

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  33. Arghh, this post was the biggest blue balls ever. Someday I read the perfect Roball slash fan fiction.

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  34. This xkcd comic: adequate, I guess, if you cut off... well, basically the entire friggin' last row.

    This xkcdsucks post: fan-gay-fucking-tastic.

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  35. @xkcd Loyalist

    Nice troll.

    7.5/10

    @Always Anonymous

    "This was pure win."

    F--

    852:

    tis alotta panels

    Raven:

    gb2livejornalfanfic

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  36. "Brazil's rep is like Thailand's when it comes to chicks with dicks isn't it? I bet Randall looks up Brazil on the internet all the time."

    The worst part is that this is actually true, according to a Canadian porn shop clerk. :|

    Anyway, this was awesome. Ladies and gentlemen... oh, fuck this, we know it's only gentlement anyway. So, gentlemen, here we have our first xkcd sucks fan-fiction!

    This is going to be the awesomest comment thread ever!

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  37. This comic failed right out of the gate. Even if, as Ann Apolis pointed out, the forces of gravity are taken into account and, as stick-Randall claims, "the math doesn't lie," isn't that just one factor out of many between the major cities of the world? Couldn't one also account for weather conditions, diet, and age? I'm not a gold-medalist runner, but if I'd trained all my life, ate just the right diet, had the most motivating coach and family, and performed at the peak of my physical existence in perfect weather, hey, math grants me a medal!

    SUCK IT, JOCKS.

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  38. holy shit did I just stumble into 1987 or something

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  39. > Apt that the XKCD loyalist's comments included post-punchline dialogue.

    Second funniest thing on this thread

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  40. You can't push yourself with concerted effort. Concerted means several people acting together, as in a concert.

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  41. I was confused (but strangely aroused) by the ending. Did this end with Robdall being one and the same?

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  42. this comic was funny. and the short story.

    sincerely, the cuddlefish

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  43. "How dare you cast doubt on our honor?"

    There is something wrong with that sentence. Nude pic of Rob for whoever guesses it.

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  44. Nice to see the good old fashioned silent correction one strip after Randall saying 'I don't get do-overs'

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  45. Anon1008: Take your definition, assume it's correct, and read that line from the story again. Now read the rest of the story. Read the last paragraph. Done? Now read that line again.

    When I state that you are "functionally illiterate", please do not take this to mean that I think you're illiterate -- no, I do believe you know how to take a written word and extract meaning from it. But if this were a grade 10 English class, I'd ask to see you after the bell.

    Luckily for me, this is not English class. But don't worry, there are lots of jobs out there that do not require higher thought processes, so good luck!

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  46. This is the best review of anything i have ever seen.

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  47. @Ravenzomg
    Ahaha, I thought you said concerted effort because Rob's fat.

    Also, great review. Erm, well a review is a bit of an overstatement. Reminded me distinctly of Fight Club.

    P.S. You do great descriptions. Something about Rob scuttling from laptop to laptop just put the cherry on top of this review.

    P.P.S. Your story makes the assertion that Robdall makes reviews when the comic comes out, which is just giving him too much credit.

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  48. @TheMesosade's second PS: I made sure to leave it ambiguous; Robdall only sat down to BEGIN writing the review. I believe Robdall sits down to write a review as soon as XKCD comes out, but instead gets distracted by his overwhelming Carlic sloth.

    Given my purple prose throughout the piece, a more simple explanation is simply that "concerted" was used in the poetic sense that Rob's body was split into different pieces: those demanding he dare to disturb the darkness, and those requiring retreat.

    Also, if the effort wasn't a "concerted" effort to push one thing through another thing, it wouldn't work as well as imagery for sex. And that is the point of the first half of the story, after all: sex imagery. The plot is secondary to this.

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  49. hey guys the buy error is still there!!

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  50. I...what? No...no, this isn't possible...

    An original xkcdsucks post?

    A funny xkcdsucks post?

    An xkcdsucks post that doesn't run the same, tired, dead horse of a "Randall Stalks Megan" joke into the ground?

    My god...we're all going to die...

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  51. i'm going to refuse to publish any guest posts that do not contain at least one (1) megan joke in the future. or possibly I will just write them in. MAKE NOTE OF IT, CHILDREN.

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  52. What the heck? I checked XKCD three different times.
    First time the "buy" error is there.
    Second time the error is gone.
    Third time the error is back again?

    ... I guess he's having a problem with sacrificing his integrity after last day's comic.

    @Ravenzomg: The only problem I find with this is that logically it doesn't prove Rob is gay for Randall. Rather, it's just extreme narcissism for his alter-ego. (Although, I can figure how it'd be a nightmare to get both points across.)

    @TheXKCDSUCKSblog: The next guest post should try to saturate the entire post with Megan jokes. 1000 e-cookies to whoever tries. Use whatever method you can, from the obvious

    "Huurrr, Randy wants Megan"

    to the subtler

    "And Randall thought to himself... 'Me? Gandhi? No, I'm so much more than him, I'm a white knight!' Randall then chortled to himself"

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  53. Fuck off Rob. We don't need you anymore now that Ravenzomg is here. We'll push you into the Sarlacc soon enough.

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  54. How's this, then?

    Editor's Note: Randall's acute social senses flared as his mighty brain flexed, and his eyes were drawn to the tears leaving wet tracks on Rob's angelic face.

    "What ever is the matter, dear? With quirkiness and science on our side, who can be against us?" Randall queried sagely, with a masterful rhetorical question capping the sophistic pie of his eloquent oratory.

    "It's just..." Rob sobbed miserably, "when I look into your eyes as we kiss, I know deep down you are thinking of her!"

    Rob waited for a response, but the thought of Megan had poleaxed the staggering genius of Randall Munroe, former Nasa employee, and he stood for a moment in a sort of bemused ecstasy before shuddering and returning his attention to his surroundings. The gravity of his relationship with Rob struck him for the first time as very great indeed, and the thought of gravity naturally made him think of Newton's time-honored theory. "Poles", he whispered to himself, and in a mental explosion a comic was born.

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  55. Ravenzomg is brilliant.
    Croaker is brilliant.
    I laughed until I was in danger of vomiting. There is no higher praise.

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  56. @TheMesosade: Who said Robdall needs another person to have a sexual relationship with his alternate personality? Hasn't stopped post-pubescent nerds before.

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  57. Looks like the typoed comic is being cached 'cause I still see it.

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  58. And the "Vary by" has been corrected... again...

    Also, re-reading the comic, what athlete would ever say "How dare you cast doubt on our honour?" I've done a lot of track/field events, and no, no one would put a phrase like that together. This isn't the medieval times, Randall. Get with the times.

    @Ravenzomg: Hmm, I dunno, it was more shocking when Randall and Rob were autonomous beings rather than a giant Robdall schizophrenic fantasy.

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  59. ad hominem? More like ad homonym.

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  60. This needed to be much longer. I had to read it five times before I was able to make it, and it wasn't as satisfying as it would have been if I had made it during a first reading.

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  61. Being so closely compared to Ravenzomg, I must protest. I am not half so awesome in my grasp of the finesse of prose and the interplay of character as the most excellent race of ravens. Ravens are a sort of master-race, who see our admiring glances towards dolphins, chuckle in a good-natured sort of way, and then they fly off and eat some dead animal. To summarize my message: the quality of writing of this particular specimen or representative of the aforementioned proud species outweighs my own. I hold on to hope: for perhaps this same weight of talent will drag the raven's soul down in the pans of judgment, before Osiris, lord of the dead. I shall continue on to idyllic fields, and the raven shall be devoured by Amenti, beast of the crocodilic maw!

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  62. The xkcd forums on this one is the greatest thing since sliced bread (excepting Robdall of course). The entire first page is Randall being roasted alive by his apsie fuckheads losing their goddamn mind over the typo.

    Unfortunately, no one yet posesses the intelligence to point out that Randy is being a goddamn hypocrite over fixing it. Presumably because they're too busy with randys cock in their mouth.

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  63. how many of them think it was deliberate?

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  64. Eh, I sort of liked this one.

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  65. Whoa, the egyptians had a mythological beast called Amenti, with a crocodile's mouth? Neat.

    I guess it must be because there were a lot of crocodiles around their part of the Nile. You know, your gods and myths are built around your experience and so on. Norse mythology has a lot of wolves.

    The main thing about the jewish god Yahweh is that... he's a huge asshole.

    Just sayin'

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  66. Nothing like XKCD forumites to get your blood pressure up a few points...

    They're all like "Humans can make mistakes!" Congratulations, pointing out a fact that pretty much everyone knows. The issue of course being that it was a stupid error, would've been caught within 10 seconds by even the smallest proofread, and that Randall "The Man" Munroe had pointed out just a comic earlier that he "doesn't get do-overs."

    I think the biggest problem here is that now we know that the second Randall finishes his comic, it's being uploaded. Quality control? What's that?

    I vote that the next blog post be entitled "TYPOOO!!!11eleven" and include nothing but Webcites and Megan jokes.

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  67. Give him a break. After the tiring ordeal of carefully constructing a third of your week's work, it's easy to miss tiny mistakes even on a third or fourth proof-read. The only way around it would be to leave it for a day and look it over with fresh eyes, but there isn't enough time in the week to do that and also keep up with the update schedule.

    Besides, repairing a typographical error isn't a "do over" in the same way that adding extra components to a joke is.

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  68. It's amazing how wrong your logic is, Fishbert. He doesn't need "more time" to leave it for a day and look over it with fresh eyes. He needs only, for example, to make his update schedule a day late than usual. Then, he keeps the old schedule but gets to look at the comic after a day's break, before uploading it. Of course, if he did that he might realize he's only able to write shit, so I wouldn't do that if I were him.

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  69. I'm pretty sure Fishbert was being sarcastic. Why the fuck do you gotta waste 300 bytes on a server somewhere responding to a sarcastic comment as if you were serious?

    Oh god, is xkcdsucks starting to attract retards? Are we going to become xkcd?

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  70. Dear Ravenz: My girlfriend enjoyed your slash. I enjoyed discovering the truth behind Robdall.

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  71. Holy shit. People actually thought I was serious or seriously trolling? I thought the "don't bye into this" made it pretty obvious I wasn't even attempting to troll (though upon reading it myself, I guess it sounds like I'm saying don't buy into xkcdsucks). I guess it says a lot when a half-assed attempt to seem like a retard is seen as a somewhat convincing impersonation of your average xkcd fan.

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  72. Piss off loyalist, we don't need you Randall loving homos here. Don't even try to backpedal, we've got your number and it sickens us. Go stick your penis in a woodchipper.

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  73. XKCD Loyalist, this is the internet. Everybody claims they have a great sense of humour but identifies every joke they don't make as trolling.

    People don't usually abuse XKCD fans so openly, so I'm guessing they saw the joke and orchestrated some sort of concerted game in response. Is there a separate message board where you guys are organising these concerted efforts? I'd like to concert too.

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  74. They're a hive mind.

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  75. Oops. Raven, you should've downloaded and reuploaded the image, because sneaky weasely Randall "No Do-Overs" Munroe has corrected his mistakes once again and no one will ever know it!

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  76. As usual, XKCD isn't funny.

    Yet for the past week or so, it's still been funnier than xkcdsucks.

    What the hell?

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  77. @Rinnon

    "Dear Ravenz: My girlfriend enjoyed your slash. I enjoyed discovering the truth behind Robdall."

    Robdall dolls are coming to a Toys R Us near you!

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  78. @Loyalist (& the uninitiated):

    "half-assed attempt to seem like a retard" + angry responses = trolling

    hence: nice troll

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  79. Actually, Ammit is the crocodile god who devours your soul if it isn't lighter than a feather.

    Amenti is the name of the PLACE where the dead are judged, or occasionally the name of a goddess who welcomes souls at the gate of the place of the dead.

    I'm sorry, I've wasted so much time learning useless facts about ancient Egypt I was compelled to correct that.

    Anyways, this post was great...it was like Stephanie Meyers decided to write slash fanfiction right after having watched Fight Club.

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  80. Fuck you Capn you cocksucking ape, what the hell do you know about trolling? Take your pretentious bullshit and jam it back up the ass you dragged it out of.

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  81. @Professional Mole

    No worries, an anon near the top (and I think Rob in the last post's comments) posted the webcitation link for the old version.

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  82. @anon 9:01

    trolling is better described as trying to bait an angry response.

    nice try.

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  83. XKCD Club with Tyler Munroe. The 3.14159th rule of XKCD club is Megan.

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  84. This story is more amazing than XKCD will ever be. It implies not only that Rob's hate for Randy comes from his unholy love, but that Rob and Randy are in fact the same person SPLIT INTO TWO PERSONALITIES. Rob hates himself so much because he can't accept his self love. And fucking fingerless gloves.

    Well played ravenzomg

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  85. UndercoverCuddlefishJanuary 27, 2011 at 4:29 PM

    every single one of you is fucking daft

    i mean "daft" as in "absurdly stupid" and not in any way related to daft punk

    good update though ravenzomg

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  86. So, I thought this one was actually sort of funny for once. However, there were a few tweaks that would make it better (removing awkward grammar, redundancy, etc). So, I made them in 5 minutes.

    http://s738.photobucket.com/albums/xx30/darthbobcat/?action=view&current=local_g.png

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  87. To the dude above me: Randall should seriously hire you.

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  88. Anon 5:00pm
    Get a name so I don't have to praise a cuddlefish.

    TheMesosade, signing out.

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  89. "Please know that not all Americans fit the steriotype."

    -Fail

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  90. "But as Randall leaned closer, their lips mere inches apart, Rob's joy a throbbing reality that threatened to envelope both of them, when Randall paused, uncertain."

    -fail

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  91. Okay then, I'm the one who posted the improved comic. Thanks for the kind words.

    Really, this one shows why Randal is not good at this. He had a good idea, and then he added redundancies, awkward phrasings and arbitrary nerdiness. When he doesn't have an inherently funny idea like this week, he's doomed.

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  92. The beauty of grammatical mistakes here is that I can write them off as "parodying the fanfic culture", but really? This is just what happens when you write and submit something within 30 minutes of the actual comic coming out. Literally, I did not read this story between writing the original (and only) draft and Rob's posting it. [55 minutes between the XKCD comic's release and the first reply to my Robdall slash-fic as indicated by time stamps].

    But unlike Rob and/or/but Randall, I do not get do-overs.

    All the same, I should get a reward for causing quite possibly the earliest XKCDsucks review ever.

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  93. @anon 2:31 Jesus Christ, have all the dickheads come out to play? What is this, free play time at the retard activity park? Spend a bit of time sucking on an elephant's asshole and maybe you'll have something less shitty to say.

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  94. @Ravenz: Only excuse you need: "I don't do this for a living."

    That is of course, unless you are actually a professional writer of homo-erotic material at your day job.

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  95. I collect damned souls part time; I am paid in blood and good fortune.

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  96. wow...just wow.

    well now we know that randall has a crappy internet connection and can't hold his load till the video stops "queuing"

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  97. also another case of sex and the word fuck= hilarious.

    another dark day for Randall Munroe...if only megan could be charted like this in real life

    captcha: kavilri . call the kavilri our white knight has taken a vacation

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  98. @ Chaos: I must apologize that my grasp of Egyptian mythology isn't up to snuff, Chaos. In my defense, I've always been somewhat disdainful of many ancient mythologies: ask me about Inuit creation myths and I'll come up silent. I'd just like you to know that I'm totally down with Chaos. Blood for the Blood God, skulls for the Throne of Khorne.

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  99. Funny review ^___^ I'd like to see more guest posts from you :D

    Now, as for the latest comic: I think Rob is going to be the US, and Randy will be Japan-which will be heavily nuked with the MEGAN JOKE bomb. Which I approve of, given the circumstances of the comic. x]

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  100. ...huh.

    xkcd should be renamed "Comics That Subvert Your Expectations By Not Subverting Your Expectations. Isn't It Hilarious? LAUGH DAMMIT LAUGH"

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  101. RANDALL SPELLS VOYUER

    FUCKING JESUS

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  102. look at me i'm a typo in the alt-text, forever preserved by a webcitation
    http://www.webcitation.org/5w4AiEGEv

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  103. Honestly though. How much does this say about the amount of effort put into the comic?

    Either Randy wasn't sure how to spell 'voyeur' (no shame in that) but couldn't be bothered looking it up; or he feels confident he can spell it, but couldn't be bothered with even minimal proofreading.

    Every time one of Ryan North's alt-texts makes a reference to REREADING and REWRITING a comic, I think of Randy.

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  104. Are these typos now just a big joke or something? Is Randy making fun of us...?

    ...or does he just need A FUCKING EDITOR JESUS SHITTING CHRIST RANDALL.

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  105. Mistakes in two consecutive xkcd strips? Is it that hard to avoid basic mistakes in a stick figure webcomic you update three times a week?

    Anyway, typo aside, I just don't get the latest comic. Is it observational humour? Because I don't really see the observation here. 'Queueing' plainly doesn't cause sexual arousal. Is it just that Randy found out that 'Queueing' is the only word in the English language with five consecutive vowels, and tried to fit it in a comic? SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME

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  106. occording to the xkcd fans it's a theory that has been speculated before

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  107. It's the correlation-causation joke again. Presumably when you are having sex you go oh, ah and so on, consecutively, driving the correlation up since vowels don't show up together in a lot of other contexts. (Maybe tennis?)

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  108. When I have sex I go ngg, grr, hkh and so on. Is this why I'm so unsexy?

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  109. Oh, i thought the punchline of 853 was "i referenced sex and drew a chart. orgasm."

    Did i just predict all of the xkcd forum posts?

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  110. Am I weird for thinking that the bottom four panels by themselves would make a more amusing comic than the whole thing?

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  111. no, i agree
    well, agreeing with me probably makes you share all of my traits of always-wrongness, but yeah

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  112. This response is to test my icon.

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  113. Haha! That comic was actually pretty funny, but what got me on this post was that though you were trying to attack the writers of xkcd, you actually admited your sexual standings by writing your fantasies of a gay romance. Good job.

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  114. yeah that is definitely what's going on here

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