Thursday, March 3, 2011

Comic 867: Herp Derp

[Hated hell-bird "Ravenzomg" just sent me this review that someone wrote on a blog claiming to belong to noted doppelganger-haver "Capn" but also pretending to be the blog of the aforementioned hated hell-bird "Ravenzomg." Pretty boring as far as elaborate frauds go, but whatever. -Ed.]

[Obvious doppleganger troll made a post and now I'm submitting this to Rob because because, look! I apparently wrote it without even noticing! If it's not entertaining, I had nothing to do with this, unless this was particularly awful then the doppleganger was probably channeling its inner Ravenzomg. -Ravenzomg]

Alt text: Birds are Aves, which is part of the clade Theropoda, which is in Saurischia, which is in Dinosauria. Those birds outside our windows are dinosaurs. We can clear out the rest of our brains because we now have the best fact.



It's clear from this comic that Randy has discovered phylogenetics and evolutionary biology. Good for him! It's about time he widened his knowledge base beyond maths, physics and out-of-date pop culture.

Unfortunately for Randy, he only found out about phylogenetics and failed to research it to any depth. There are a number of rather telling clues to this:

1) He says that lizards should be folded up into ornithology. Why not any other reptiles? Because Randy believes that lizards and reptiles are entirely interchangeable words, that's why.

2) He is making a reference to the contention between paraphyletic and monophyletic classifications, but he has picked 'herpotology' as the battleground, a discipline that has obvious reasons for studying the groups they do.

3) Notice how you need little to no knowledge of evolutionary biology to understand this comic? The geek references are spoonfed to us this time.

4) He acts like the whole 'birds used to be dinosaurs' is new, groundbreaking knowledge, rather than something first proposed in 1868 and known to any fucking child who took more than a passing interest in Jurassic Park. You know, geeks. How has this little tidbit of info passed by someone so goddamn obsessed with raptors?

Kudos to him for passing up the opportunity to draw a close-up diagram of genital herpes, but he again frustrates us by taking a fairly funny idea (cladistic insults) and giving it a terrible, half-baked execution. Why two conferences? Why not one with an audience member supplying one side of the debate? 'Assholes' and 'douchebags'? Why not science it up a bit, give the Latin names or use something more creative?

Because he's a lazy motherfucker, that's why. Like Rob.

74 comments:

  1. i no understand this says it was written by rob but it says ed at the top

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  2. @Anonymous 7:55

    I see you've come here from the xkcd forums! Hope you enjoy your stay.

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  3. When I was dating Sandy I bought a lot of brandy. Took eight to make her randy and all I had was shandy. Another thing 'bout Sandy what often came in handy was slipping her a mandy, she didn't half go bandy.

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  4. there are like 6 names attached to this who wrote this i don't even

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  5. Just starting signing the blogs "The Hivemind" and we'll all get the picture.

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  6. When I was 7 I read in a big colorful, pictured filled book that birds came from dinosaurs. Randall is slower than my 7 year old self (and I ate a lot of play-doh at thswjwb wnmw e )

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  7. Rob is fat and lazy.

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  8. You went to Thswjwb Wnmw E too? Small world!

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  9. You people don't understand. Of course birds coming from dinosaurs is common knowledge. Randall is simply admitting that as a child he decided he had learnt the best fact ever and refused to learn anything else thereafter. He tries to keep up the facade of being knowledgable, and it does somehow work on some people despite everything in his comic being so obviously gleaned from Wikipedia, but it gets hard sometimes and he has to slip in an admission to help feel better.

    For more information on Randall retaining no knowledge beyond his childhood, see also his obsession with ball pits and drawing sustenance directly from the human breast.

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  10. You lazy asshole Rob, I used italics in this post. Where the hell are they? You are fat and you have ruined everything good that has ever existed in this the world.

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  11. Kind of complicated to follow, with a lot of big words written real small and also confusing because I thought that that is more or less common knowledge. I guess Randy's too busy with his underwater robot to give comics a second thought.

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  12. 868; lol charts.

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  13. I blame reddit for bringing up herp-derpetology a couple days ago.

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  14. Oh God, if derpetology really did headline reddit a couple of days then Randall doesn't even get the credit of having been independently browsing Wikipedia articles that caught his interest. He was literally being figuratively spoonfed, which is probably lucky for him considering the ineptitude with food he revealed in his "how to cook" comic.

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  15. Hey, looks like Randall does read this blog and wants to get us talking about libertarianism again!

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  16. Libertarians are hardcore. Everyone else is a pussy who wants to take it in the ass by the government in return for getting other people's money without working.

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  17. 868 could easily replace "political opinions" with "idiots" and would still be true.

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  18. At least he didn't label Other as Normal people, or get all smug about it.

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  19. Another XKCD masterpiece. I grok in wonder.

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  20. It is inspiring the way libertarians have faith in capitalism as a naturally self-correcting system. They envisage a world in which an angel forever looks benevolently down upon our world, and his face is that of Uncle Pennybags.

    I feel I would be unlocking wonders if I could share in their dream, but I am only human. All too human.

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  21. I think the greatest moment in Randall's laziness is that, not able to think of any good and funny idea for the fourth quadrant of the chart, he just stuck "Other" in there and left it for his fans to imagine it.

    "Come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination..."

    Next comic: a blank square. Caption: "Imagine the funniest thing you can that is related to Star Wars". Cue the GOOMHfest!

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  22. "Once Luke discovered the lightside force ability to make women spontaneously lactate mid-orgasm, there was no longer any question of him turning to the dark side."

    [Alt text- The real reason Vader went insane is that he realised he had been wasting time waiting for Armidala to give birth and so be ready to provide dairy goodness.]

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  23. @7:47
    You could copy and paste that sentence and just replace "libertarians" with any political party, most likely including whatever bullshit party you follow.

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  24. "It is inspiring the way communists have faith in capitalism as a naturally self-correcting system. They envisage a world in which an angel forever looks benevolently down upon our world, and his face is that of Uncle Pennybags."

    Yup, exactly as valid as the original.

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  25. Charles Augustus FortescueMarch 4, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    I agree that "Other" is unsatisfactory, but it is hard to see what could replace it. Who is defined by a lack of political views and a dislike of diamonds? St Francis of Assisi?

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  26. You are all clearly jealous of our canadian health service.

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  27. @Charles Augustus Fortescue, that's actually pretty funny.

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  28. Capn has a name, you don't. Therefore his opinion matters more than yours.

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  29. I don't know what a Nolan chart is, and I don't give even a tenth of the number of shits required to look it up.

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  30. lemonparty, eh? let's check it out...

    O__O

    Fap, fap, fap, fap...

    captcha: mactost
    what happens to your apple computer when you discover windows or linux

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  31. 10:47 thinks vaginae are worthless because he loves teh cock.

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  32. Actually, I would say this is probably the funniest xkcd in a while, by which I mean, it is the only funny xkcd in a while. I mean really; no post punchline dialog, not too much text, the punchline is short, he explains everything we need to know to get the joke, and he doesn't go into some big stupid nerd rant about how "herpetologists are so stupid and their science is bad and I am smarter than them."

    In fact, I actually laughed at it.

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  33. "10:47 thinks vaginae are worthless because he loves teh cock."

    Homophobic logic fail.

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  34. "Homophobic logic fail."

    Understanding the difference between logic and an accusation fail.

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  35. "Understanding the difference between logic and an accusation fail."

    Missing the point fail.

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  36. "Missing the point fail. "

    Thinking you actually have a point when you're really just an uneducated dickhead on the Internet fail.

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  37. "Thinking you actually have a point when you're really just an uneducated dickhead on the Internet fail."

    Getting butthurt fail.

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  38. "Getting butthurt fail."

    Thinking everyone who pwns you is butthurt fail.

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  39. "Thinking everyone who pwns you is butthurt fail."

    Remaining butthurt despite being told it is obvious fail.

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  40. when did this become 4chan

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  41. "Remaining butthurt despite being told it is obvious fail. "

    Thinking you're covering up your own butthurt by projecting it onto your peers fail.

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  42. EVERYBODY STOP TALKING STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW NO MORE POSTS IN THIS THREAD.

    Please guys, I need this. Help me out.

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  43. "Thinking you're covering up your own butthurt by projecting it onto your peers fail."

    Spamming the comments thread to 'prove' he is not butthurt fail.

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  44. "Spamming the comments thread to 'prove' he is not butthurt fail. "

    Fighting back the tears fail.

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  45. "EVERYBODY STOP TALKING STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW NO MORE POSTS IN THIS THREAD."

    Fair enough. My point is made. Booty will probably carry on though.

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  46. "Fair enough. My point is made. Booty will probably carry on though."

    Looking for an excuse to stop fail.

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  47. Well, that was fun. Now what should we do?

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  48. Thinking it matters who wins an Internet argument fail.

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  49. Listen, if you're reading this: Then you're a loser. If you were not a loser, why are you on the internet? There's an exciting world that Randall's trying to open up for you!

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  50. Mole has gone crazy(Cause why not?)March 4, 2011 at 12:23 PM

    And I heard as it were, the noise of thunder. One of the four beasts saying "come and see," and I saw and behold a white horse.

    CAPTCHA: reptili. OH YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!

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  51. 23. And I saw before an endless ocean of midgets, each crying lonely tears as each sneered in petty triumph.

    24. Each would turn to the four corners of the Earth and troll, so that troll trolled troll in endless disharmony.

    25. I turned to the midget nearest me, and saw its weary, broken ego reach out to me for comfort, for peace, for freedom...

    26. "lol fag," said I.

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  52. Oh look! The swarthy Capn and that Ravenzomg bint have written another review on their mirror blog!

    http://capnsblag.blogspot.com/

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  53. I thought I was the swarthy one in the pair...

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  54. Heh, I thought swarthy meant muscular.

    BINT.

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  55. @11:17

    Sometime around comic 845.

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  56. swarth·y/ˈswôrT͟Hē/
    Adjective: Dark-skinned.

    ಠ_ಠ

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  57. Capn doesn't like being called 'dark-skinned' because he is a Nazi.

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  58. Well quite.

    Is there anyone on this blog that isn't a troll?

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  59. EVERYBODY PLEASE I AM NOW FUCKING BEGGING YOU. DO NOT POST ANY MORE IN THIS THREAD. PLEASE.

    It would have a seriously positive impact on my life if you would stop. Just let it go. I would really, really appreciate it.

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  60. @8:44 So I'm scratching my head and thinking and scratching my head some more, and I can't work out who 7:47 is. Come on guys, this is a fascinating conversation going on here but you have to help me out by making it easier to follow.

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  61. 867 is just AWFUL. Hasn't Randall does this exact same joke about a dozen times before?

    Sometimes he says "asshole". Sometimes "douchebag". Sometimes it's "jerk" and sometimes it's "bitch". It is NOT good comedic writing. He really is such a hack.

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  62. I'm part of a nerdy comedy group at university. I like dinosaurs as much as the next human being, but the way these people act like LOL RAPTORS is an automatic punchline to every joke grinds on my nerves something terrible.

    They're 99% xkcd fans too, go figure.

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