Comic 709: An Affront To God

So there's a real weird story with this. In the minutes before this comic was uploaded, I was googling around about xkcd, as I so often do. I somehow came to a url by the name of biblequizzingwebsite.com . I was curious, so I clicked it. It was - and still is, as far as I can tell - simply a copy of xkcd. See for yourself. Isn't that weird? It is weird as fuck. But that is not the point.

The point is that at the time, xkcd.com itself had not yet updated (for me at least) but biblequizzzingwebsite, I guess because it had never before been loaded on my computer, did have the new comic. So I see it, and my first thought is "well that's weird. it's just some strange religious parody of xkcd. they sure got the random nerd references down." But then I was like, wait, this is too close to real. What is this website?

I still, of course, have no clue. But I am sad to say that it appears this bullshit is indeed a real xkcd.

what.

the.

fuck.

Where can I even start with this? No one can even figure out what the joke is supposed to be. One popular theory is that it is a joke on the time Ewoks thought C-3PO was a god in RotJ. Some people think that it's a joke on droids being named with letters, as god is with YHWH (or YHVH). Some say the same thing but with LOM. Others say it has to do with Anthony Daniels recording a version of the bible (except: he didn't.) Some people think it is just a contrast between a grandiose introduction in panel 1 and a nerd reference in panel 2. this guy, astoundingly, thinks it is about the LHC. In short, you've got readers - loyal, xkcd loving readers - completely disagreeing about what this comic is supposed to be.

Now on its own, this fact is a problem. If you have a joke you want to tell, the point of the comic is that you are expressing that joke through words and images, ideally in the clearest and funniest way. If your readers (your readers! you, Randall! I am talking to you! this is not hypothetical!) can't figure out what the joke is, then you have failed. It's not the worst thing in the world, I guess, but if it happens a lot, you've got a real problem. To be fair, this is not a problem that xkcd has all that often (the problem tends to be the quality of the jokes themselves, not their presentation). But it's part of the growing collection of signs that xkcd is really, truly, objectively, sucking.

Did you think I had gotten to the core of why this comic is terrible? I did not! See, these complaints are just the outskirts, the economically depressed suburbs surrounding Shit City. See, the problem is not just that all the readers came up with so many different explanations for what this comic is supposed to be. It's that none of them make any fucking sense.

NONE OF THEM MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE.

NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO EXPLAIN THIS COMIC
NO MATTER HOW STRAINED A JUSTIFICATION YOU HAVE
THEY ARE ALL STILL SHIT

First off, the ones that deal with the name of god. "Elohim" and "YHVH" would all be perfectly ok names to make jokes off of, if he had used them, which he didn't. For example, had the first panel been "I am YHVH, blah blah blah, and this is R2-D2" then it would have made some fucking sense. Because the droids in star wars all go by letter or number names, all spelled out like that, and it's not totally inconceivable to imagine a droid named Y-HVH or YH-VH or something. BUT RANDALL DIDN'T DO THAT.

Is the joke about how Ewoks thought threepio was god? I hope not, because as I recall, he was not exactly insisting that he was. His attitude was what you would call bewilderment and not exactly imposing. Not exactly much in common besides the notion of some sort of supernatural power. Anyway, R2 had nothing to do with that scene (right?) and it's not like threepio was even introducing himself to the ewoks, so if you wanted a good threepio line to make god say, it wouldn't be "and this is my counterpart, R2-D2" it would be something like "I command you to release master luke" (which even works with the comic, as Bible God asks Moses, in this scene, to ask pharaoh to free the israelites, so you've got a common theme there).

If Anthony Daniels had just recorded an audio version of the bible, then it would be funny, because hearing the bible in his voice might make one append c-3po quotes to bible verses. BUT HE DIDN'T DO THAT so it's just stupid. In a further example of Randall's so-close-and-yet-so-far syndrome, James Earl Jones actually did record a version of the bible, so making a Vader joke may have worked here. May. But hey, randall, it's not like you tried, so whatever, fuck it!

Was this comic supposed to just contrast God's super-grandiose introduction with C-3PO's epically mild one? If so...do I even have to explain? Can I trust that you are all intelligent enough people to see that that is a stupid fucking piece of shit? Here, I'll use a mocking tone of voice to make fun of the thought process that might have created that nonsense. "What are two things I can mash together? I know! I'll do a joke about how friggin crazy god is when he introduces himself! Or wait...could I make a joke about humble c-3po is when he introduces himself?" HINT: THOSE IDEAS BOTH SUCK DELIRIOUS QUANTITIES OF ASS. "Why, who cares, I'll instead make a joke about both of them! What if one spoke in the words on another? How very...incongruous! yes, it must be so."

I know there are other little theories about what this comic is supposed to mean. They are all even worse than the ones above. Nothing works. Nothing makes sense.

Lastly, look. I complain a lot about what we call reference humor, itself a subcategory of fan service. It's where instead of telling a joke, you just make a reference to something. It's not a joke about the thing - star wars, in this case. You can make good star wars jokes. That's fine. But if you just say "star wars" or "kessel run" or "this is my counterpart, R2-D2" then you aren't making a joke, you are merely referencing something. Now if your audience likes star wars, as I do, then perhaps they will enjoy this reference. After all, we like to be reminded of things we enjoy. And if fact, that sort of pleasurable feeling - which the reference is not responsible for, the referant, if you will, is responsible, the thing to which we are referring - can simulate the pleasure that comes from reading a good joke. But they are not the same. They are not the same.

Just sticking in a Star Wars reference is not a signal that you are creating anything of quality because you aren't actually doing any intellectual work. A computer could spit out pictures of star wars characters and audio clips from the movies. And that is of exactly the same nature as this comic. But some people don't seem to get that.

In fact, combine a lack of a joke with a star wars reference and smack the xkcd label on it, and some fucktard is bound to like it. Some fucktard like this fucktard. Also this guy, he is also a fucktard. As long as we have to deal with shitty people like that, xkcd will always be able to get away with bullshit. A lot of people called him on it this time - which is really encouraging. And hopefully some of those people will learn to use at least a slightly critical eye in the future. But the people who don't care, who gladly swallow shit and ask for more, they are the ones we have to reach.