Remember that crappy contest where you had to finish an xkcd comic? I sure as hell do! They've posted the finalists, and while mine is not among them, they are still very, very bad:
Let's see who could make the best tasteful joke about mobile communications:
Terral Artis: 80% of my calls are to your mom because the other 20% are to your sister! They both have Palm Centros and we always stay connected.
--This falls into the "no joke, just an ad for a palm product" category. I would also say it's so bad it's funny, and I like to think Terral meant it that way.
Aaron Williams: Those are all incoming, She thinks you're having some kind of medical emergency whenever you text her something like "OMG LOL ROTFL"
---This is a "ha ha, old people do not understand the slang that we young people employ!" joke, and it feels so very old. Again, with the terrible constraints of the contest rules, I do not blame Mr. Williams.
Chris Routhe: Well I would have texted her, but I ran out of monthly texts.
--With the joke being....?
David Brown: Because I was using her as a engagement ring consultant. Now it is all ruined! RUINED I SAY!
--One of the better ones, because of the evil-genius'-scheme way he gets that last sentence in there.
Dirk Joseph: 2 reasons 1) I’m showing her how to use her new Palm and every 10 minutes I remember something I forgot to tell her 2) Because 100% would be stalking.
--The saddest one of them all. If he had just said "Because 100% would be stalking" this would be by far the funniest of the bunch. It technically answers the question without answering the real question, and it stays as a "your mom" joke without trying to innocent-ify the comic the way the "oh well i was helping her, i am not actually having sex with her as you may be imagining" comics do. But 1) totally ruins the whole thing. Not funny, not trying, deflates the energy of 2).
Joe Tunon: Have you noticed the other 20% are your Dad? Mark may not be on to us, but your parents are!
--Eh.
John Murray: Um – you say I know nothing about you, well, I’m learning. Your profile says little, your blog says less, but your Mom said a lot, including about that ONE TIME in college – Did you really?!?!
--Eh
Jonathan Esten: Well, she's got some good advice for dealing with you when you freak out and she's the only person we know without a QWERTY smartphone and unlimited texting! ... And from the look on your face, I think I need to call her right now. Can I have my phone back?
--Too long. Some ok ideas but also some stupid unneeded words (what does unlimited texting have to do with any of this?).
Mark Zimmerman: Because she actually thinks my Treo is cool, and never scolds me when I take it out during dinner! There's nothing like a woman who appreciates hi-tech! Great lady, that mother of yours…
--If Mark is implying with "she actually thinks my treo is cool" that most people would not think such a thing - and I think he is implying that - than this wins lots of subversion points.
Rizwan Parvez: If you'd kept up on my Facebook profile, this wouldn't have been such a surprise...
--This originally said "If you'd kept upon my facebook..." which I thought was charmingly off grammar. As it is...it is pretty lame.
---------
If any of these strike your fancy, you can vote for them, I guess. Instructions here. And of course, I'm still waiting for submissions so I can pick my favorite of your final lines, which of course do not need to conform to any standard of taste or decency.
============
update, 1/1/2009: OK I picked my favorites!
Ramsey, with: "81%. I like square numbers. Isn't math awesome?"
Thomas, with: "The Palm Centros has the most powerful vibration on the market, so every night after 10..."
Vlad, with: "I'm trying to tell her not to to buy any Palm products, they're complete pieces of shit."
And our big super special winner...
DoubleBlackbird, with: "Oh man you just worked out that percentage in your head! You are the most perfect woman ever and can I have a bottle of your sweat because I want to sniff it and fantasise."
Maybe you will all win prizes! (ha ha, you will not win anything). EXCELLENT WORK PEOPLE i think maybe I will have to think of some clever contest to do on a somewhat regular basis.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
"Why was her number on Craigslist?"
ReplyDelete"I just reset my phone. Your sister was higher."
"She wasn't driving fast enough the first few times."
"81%. I like square numbers. Isn't math awesome?"
"She found out I used to work for an AIDS counseling agency."
ReplyDelete"The Palm Centros has the most powerful vibration on the market, so every night after 10..."
ReplyDeleteCome on, no one else made a "phone sex toy" submission? I'll bet Palm is still deleting jokes like mine by the hundreds.
"Technically it's about 78.875%."
ReplyDeleteThis is a reference! To something! But I still don't know how to put links into mah text so here is the URL:
http://overcompensating.com/posts/20080921.html
Also:
"Oh man you just worked out that percentage in your head! You are the most perfect woman ever and can I have a bottle of your sweat because I want to sniff it and fantasise."
Also:
"Carebearstare."
A too long non-joke:
ReplyDeleteMr.: You never keep in touch with your mother, so I do it instead. Seriously, Maureen is the only mother you have.
Treat your mother right!
video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3007417704059163679
"We found out phone sex is way better than cyber."
ReplyDeleteDid you mean to write "Vote for Rizwan Parvez: If you'd kept up on my Facebook profile, this wouldn't have been such a surprise..."? Sounds like you're endorsing him/her.
ReplyDeleteCAPTCHA: modeduch. "Set your Palm Centro to duchmode!"
I like the super nerdy ones...
ReplyDeleteAdam: dammit, no. Blogger was being really weird about this block of text when I copied it, but whatever.
i don't think any of the actual finalists understand the idea of a concise punchline.
"It keeps speed-dialing every time we roll in the sheets. I hope she doesn't have voice mail!"
ReplyDelete"She kept asking me to palm her; I guess I didn't get it."
"I'm trying to tell her not to to buy any Palm products, they're complete pieces of shit."
ReplyDeleteCarl, have considered forefronting an Americal Idol-style 'Vote for the Worst' campaign? I would support it.
ReplyDeleteI don't claim to be funny, but just to throw ideas out there:
ReplyDelete"Hey, you knew who you were dealing with when you made that crack about my phone."
"Dammit, you're the fifth girl this has happened to me with!"
Also, I'm not sure it's true that the punchline of a comic has to be the last line. Sometimes it flows better if the last line just supports or reacts to the second-to-last. In this case, I don't think you can try to recontextualize the rest of the comic without sounding forced; part of that may be because you don't get a whole panel to work with.
ReplyDeleteAnd, because I apparently can't stop thinking about it:
ReplyDelete"You were *supposed* to find out by walking in on us."
"It's not like I never mentioned it. Is it my fault if you assumed I was joking every time?"
And yes, I know nobody's still picking favorites.