Saturday, June 4, 2011

Comic 907: Poorly Aged

[This time Swedish political advocate and monarchist "The Pirate King" actually sent a review that didn't make my computer commit suicide. Here it is. -Ed.]

ages

Hoorah, a one-dimensional graph comic! Isn't that just the most exciting and humorous type of graph there is? I feel so deprived, having to go eight comics without one.

Now let's talk about the content, or more importantly, the statements Randy is making and what they say about him.

First off, he says anyone from zero to like... three? is non-sentient. Now I'm no pro-lifer, but that is a pretty creepy thing to say. He is basically equating three year olds to slime molds. I know maybe he's trying to be all dismissive and dark, or whatever, but it is disturbing to me. I remember taking a psychology class (not nearly as "pure" as Randy's physics, of course!) and being amazed at the amount of definable developmental landmarks that occur in the first few years. But nope, disregard all of that, "non sentient". I just hope he's not serious, because if he is, I'm guessing he'll go on some sort of baby-eating rampage. Rather than getting comics about Megan's tender nipples, we'll get ever-more disturbing comics about the moist, succulent flesh of infants. And I'm sure his fans will GOOMHR like never before.

Next he breezes through childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood, nothing really out of the ordinary there except the assumption that everyone gets drunk at college (which is probably all randy did).

And then, apparently, according to this graph, Randy JUST learned that relationships are hard, like a year ago. I suppose that explains a lot, but I don't really like being generalized into having the same dysfunction as Randy. He did this in the last comic too, as Gamer_24k pointed out.

So we move on through adulthood into middle age, Randy makes hackneyed references to stereotypes about these age groups, and we get to old age. Apparently, old people get all the sex.

I'm getting this picture in my mind... a teenage Randall, saying to himself "when I'm in my twenties, then, then I'll get all the sex!" And then a barely adult Randall saying to himself "when I'm 20, then, then I'll get all the sex!" And then he just skips over about thirty to fifty years and decides it must be when you're really old that you get to have a lot of sex.

This is a sad, sad story, but not one that we should be surprised by.

That's all I have to say about this comic. Just watch the headlines: "Disgruntled webcomic artist Randall Munroe arrested for the murder of 12 infants!" You'll see.

146 comments:

  1. GOOMH Randall, I love the taste of baby flesh too!

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  2. Babies are stupid.

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  3. TENDER BABY GENITALS ARE TENDER IN MY RAVENOUS MAW

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  4. I was going to make a crack about Randall not understanding sentience, but I think I'll offer this instead:

    Comic strip artists often produce material which, for whatever reason, just doesn't work. Deadlines don't allow for much leeway, however, so occasionally the artist is forced to use one of these not-so-great strips to remain on schedule.

    This comic came from Randall's failure file. I've never been more sure of anything. This isn't even his B-grade material; more like something he hastily sketched after downing a fifth of something cheap and playing Alter Ego.

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  5. GOOMH Rob, you're a shit writer!

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  6. Anon1123, Does not understand how a blog works.

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  7. when Randall says careers are hard, I assume he's not talking about his own.

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  8. My name isn't Gamer_24k.

    Although, everything I say and do is pure gold, so...

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  9. I like this reviewer. He is superior to Rob.

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  10. I'd like to see the Bibliography on this comic. Does he hang around with a lot of old ladies or something?

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  11. Randall is old lady candy clearly.

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  12. @Ravenzomg Seen Russell Howard? Basing every joke on a fantasy Golden Delicious youth while pining for Granny Smith is something these two definitely have in common.

    Except that Howard is occasionally funny.

    captcha: impopyr... it seems it's been popped already.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Why won't Randall kill himself?

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  14. As the moon rose and the hour grew late, the day-help on the coconut estate raked up the dried leaves that fell dead from the trees, which they burned in a pile by the lake. The beetle king summoned his men and from the top of the rhododendron stem, "Calling all volunteers who can carry back here, The Great Mystery has been lit once again."

    One beetle emerged from the crowd in a fashionable abdomen shroud. Said, "I'm a professor, you see, that's no mystery to me. I'll be back soon, successful and proud." But when the beetle professor returned, he crawled on all six as his wings had been burned, and described to the finest detail all he'd learned. There was neither a light nor a heat in his words.

    The deeply dissatisfied king climbed the same stem to announce the same thing, but in his second appeal sought to sweeten the deal with a silver padparadscha ring. The lieutenant stepped out from the line as he lassoed his thorax with twine, thinking, "I'm stronger and braver and I'll earn the king's favor. One day all he has will be mine."

    But for all the lieutenant's conceit, he too returned singed and admitting defeat. "I had no choice, please believe, but retreat. It was bright as the sun, but with ten times the heat, and it cracked like the thunder and bloodshot my eyes – though smothered with sticks, it advanced undeterred. Carelessly cast an ash cloud to the sky, my lord, like a flock of dark vanishing birds."

    The beetle king slammed down his fist, "Your flowery description's no better than his! We sent for the great light and you bring us this? We didn't ask what it seems like, we asked what it is!"

    His majesty's hour at last is drawn nigh. The elegant queen took her leave from his side. Without understanding, but without asking why, she gathered their kids to come bid their goodbyes. And the father explained, "You've been somewhat deceived. You've all called me your dad, but your true Dad's not me. I lay next to your mom and your forms were conceived. Your Father's the light within all that you see.

    “He fills up the ponds as He empties the clouds, holds without hands and He speaks without sounds.
    He provides us with the cow's waste and coconuts to eat, giving one that nice salt taste and the other its sweet. Sends the black carriage the day death shows its face, thinning our numbers with kindness and grace. And just as a flower and its fragrance are one, so must each of you and your Father become. Now distribute my scepter, my crown, and my throne and all we've known as wealth to the poor and alone."

    Without further hesitation, without looking back home, the king flew headlong into the blazing unknown. And as the smoke ring hurled higher and higher, the troops flying loops around the telephone wires said, "Our beloved's not dead, but his highness instead has been utterly changed into fire. Why not be utterly changed into fire, why not be utterly changed into fire?"

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  15. I think people are overreacting to this one. The 'non-sentient' thing was just a throwaway joke about babies... being babies. Heck the whole thing's a throwaway joke.

    Now I did find it a bit depressing that we must be stereotyped into these age brackets. Specifically, I don't like that the 'Everything is exciting.' bracket stops at 12. Why can't we be like that our whole lives?

    On an unrelated note, Rob's profile has OVER 9000 views. The fact that I'm amused by this just shows how immature I am.

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  16. Jon Levi, do you think there really is somebody called Megan out there being stalked on a daily basis by Randall?

    Because if so you're right. She's out there and she fears for her life. She's tried to get a restraining order but Randall's hacking skills prevent her applications from ever being processed. It's a very unfortunate situation.

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  17. Anon138: you forgot the italics in your story, you fool. Not that hard. Just sayin', you tool, that if you're going to plagiarize a story so very trite please take the effort to plagiarize right!

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  18. I didn't plagiarize a story, you windbag...

    ...I plagiarized a song.

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  19. @Anon 3:40

    I don't know if Megan exists or not, but it would make a great fanfic.

    I've had this idea in my head for a few months now, where Rob moves to Massachusets and tries to destroy Randall by secuding Megan, to take away the one thing he loves.

    But Randall is too clever for them, and uses his leet hacking skills to make their computer spit out locusts, or something. It soon becomes a battle of troll vs troll, each trying to rip the other's life apart.

    Only with the help of his trusted companions - Ravenzomg, Kitten(s) and ALT-F - can he defeat the evil webcomics genius, and maybe even find love.

    Can he do it? If there's enough interest I might actually write it.

    Captcha: Unable. I think the captcha system's trying to tell me something.

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  20. @Anon450: Regardless of the source of this dubious claim, I doubt that you understand that the issue's the same: Without that dread italicized presence your words lose all manner of eminence! Be the words from song or tale, in either case we declare, "you fail".

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  21. Jon Levi, that story sounds vomitrocious.

    You should totally write it.

    And I realize it was just a throwaway joke, but my review would have been a lot less interesting if I just said "this joke is boring". So I expounded upon it.

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  22. Whatever do italics have to do with quoting a story or a song or anything?

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  23. Ravenzomg, I'm sorry I did not meet your italicized standards. I'll never disgrace myself 'round these parts again.

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  24. Randy is hitting on Megan's grandmother...just watch

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  25. Randall is not hitting on anyone, I'm sad to say. he strikes me as one of those antisocial aspies who LURVE SCIENCE and BOOKZ cause it's all they'll ever have.

    On that note, why do you all assume he got drunk at all during college? He made at least averagely good marks and definitely didn't socialize much. So I find it most likely that he studied till the wee hours while others were having fun and drinking.

    Just my $0.02

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  26. I really didn't like the non-sentient human beings thing. Like, is he trying to say something about prolife/prochoice? Because if so he's failing miserably.

    I don't get how it would be a throwaway joke. Unless the whole graph is sort supposed to be ironic. Like "look how inaccurate it is to judge by age." But if he's trying to do that, he's also failing pretty hard.


    I think maybe the above commenter was right... He just doesn't know what the word sentient is.

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  27. Argh I wake up at 5.15am on a day that I have an exam and I find out Martin Rushent is dead and I decide 'oh well maybe I'll go to xkcd and it will be amusingly bad' and BHG is being not BHG and now my head hurts and I've run out of paracetamol and what is happppppppppening

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  28. Anon 8:47, I'm the only one who said anything about randy getting drunk at college.

    Maybe you're right and he didn't, in which case it proves your point about him failing pretty hard at proving how stupid it is to judge people by age. Unless he assumes that he's the ONLY one who didn't get drunk at college, which is more likely, and that's also pretty stupid.

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  29. There's another xkcd comic now. It isn't very good.

    Basically, the massive amount of networked computing power that is often thought to be decentralized ("the cloud") is surprisingly run on a single machine, which is in turn connected to the world via a single vulnerable cable. Stilted dialogue ensues; hilarity does not.

    I laughed, but only to keep myself from crying.

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  30. Latest Comic:
    Mr. Hat.

    That's all there really is. No real joke, stupid concept and execution, and just bleh

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  31. The new one is so obnoxious. I'm almost certain I've had just about the same conversation (minus the "Cloud") with my autistic cousin a couple of times. The Hat Guy, well, he's just not who he used to be. He is now simply a guy who doesn't understand social cues and patterns rather than a guy who understands them deeply and is consciously trying to disrupt them. It makes me sad.

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  32. is your cousin randall by any chance

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  33. It's sort of a funny idea- what if 'the cloud' was just a server in some guy's basement?

    That's the comic, though, apart from some hints that Mr Hat's lines might be a bit tongue-in-cheek, it doesn't try to develop the idea anywhere or make a joke out of it. It's just, here's an idea, it's not that great but Randall's got slutty daughters and grandma Megan to keep him occupied; no time for comic.

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  34. @3:52 Almost as hilarious as the South Park episode a few years ago where the whole Internet is just one big Linksys router. And every other variation on "haha actually there's no safety at all" joke.

    IOW not funny unless you put some new twist on it. Which Randall didn't. Because he is truly, truly awful.

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  35. I suppose this really just serves the French right for supporting America in its treasonous revolution. If the Brits still ran the place the chambermaid would have been burnt as a witch while Mr. Strauss Kahn would have been given a knighthood and a first-class berth on the steamer for Boulogne.

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  36. The French are always locking each other in hotel rooms and engaging in criminal sex acts. You see it's all part of the laid-back Mediterranean lifestyle. It was a serious error of judgement, however, to try it in New York.

    'The wildest dreams of Kew are the facts of Khatmandhu
    And the crimes of Clapham chaste in Martaban.'

    Much has changed since Kipling's day, I'm afraid. Martaban is as dull as a wet Welsh Sunday, whereas the crimes of Clapham any evening of the week make Sodom look tame.

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  37. You're right, ALTF. The Brits love the French and would hate to see a senior French official embarrassed. It's a well known fact that the French and English have never gone to war. Churchill described the French and English as sharing "a special relationship". The longest non-militarized international border in the world is between a former British colony and France.

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  38. "...Churchill described the French and English as sharing "a special relationship"...."

    Possibly, but not 'The' Special Relationship.

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  39. Churchill also described the traditions of the Royal Navy as: "Rum, Bum and the Lash" so I wouldn't put much stock in his cigar bespittled utterances.

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  40. I'm surprised that Randall is not saying that babies are "non-sentient". With xkcd, I've learnt that all that babies do is stand on their feet and say "Baby!". I think that implies at least a small degree of sentience.

    Captcha: Indefil. I have an atheist dyslexic friend, and he considers himself an indefil.

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  41. Come now, ALTF - youth gangs stabbing each other and recording it on mobile phones is hardly Sodom levels of debauchery. I mean, if an angel of the Lord came down to Clapham High Street, the first instinct of the locals would be to mug him, not rape him.

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  42. Perhaps you've not been to Sodom of late?
    I endured the Torture Garden New Year Ball at Infernos on December 31, 2007 - good happy-slapping times indeed!

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  43. A little bit of BDSM never hurt anyone.

    Anyway, one night of Torture Garden doesn't quite capture the milieu of Clapham. A better picture would be that of an overall-clad white-van man kicking at the toilet door in a McDonalds while hoodies argue menacingly with the staff over the price of a cheeseburger without the cheese.

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  44. Okay guys. I've actually been doing some character research for the fanfic I might write. So far I've looked at some old Xkcdsucks posts, other blogs, interviews with Randall and Ravenzomg's Facebook profile.

    I might include Ann Apolis as another character. That means there will be three British characters - Ann, Kitten, and probably ALT-F.

    I haven't been able to find any information about Megan, so I will have to completely make up her character. That will be fun.

    Also, Rob will not be morbidly obese in the story. You can't sympathise with a morbidly obese main character.

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  45. Screw you, Jon, and your fattist agenda.

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  46. spoilers for Jon Levi's fanfic: at the end Randall gets out of the shower and it turns out it was all a dream

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  47. 'hoodies'?
    You mean 'chavs/neds', yes?

    I've actually witnessed that very spectacle regarding the cheeseburger sans cheese price point debate - but it was at a McD's in Thailand and the 'hoodies' were 50ish Brit ex-pats.

    BP once owned a white Ford Transit when he lived in Engerland for a spell.

    Jon Levi!
    I am in no way British!

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  48. A chav is not a hoodie (at least, not simultaneously), and neds are Scottish. A hoodie is a youth wearing a garment with a hood, often for the purpose of obscuring identity whilst shoplifting/mugging/walking.

    "50ish Brit ex-pats"

    You mean paedophiles?

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  49. Not all the 50ish Brit ex-pats are paedophiles - infact few are(1). Many seem to have 20ish Thai lady friends though.
    The 50ish German and Swedish ex-pats, however, seem to prefer their trysts to be young.

    (1) Gary Glitter and Pete Townshend notwithstanding.

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  50. Besides, aren't the Brits Phaedophiles first? With the possible exception of those who spent their impressionable years at Eton or Harrow?

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  51. Okay, I have suspicions that ALT-F might be British underneath all the fake persona. 'Lift safety' was a dead giveaway for Kitten(s), and Ann Apolis says somewhere that he's British, I'm sure. Then again, he lied about being a doctor, and female, so I don't know.

    What I do know is Raven's second name, and the fact that she's Canadian.

    @Gamer_2k4
    No offense, but you don't appear to have any wacky personality traits. Maybe if I needed a straight man (WARNING: TVTROPES) character.

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  52. For the benefit of the unlettered, research 'Phaedo' and 'Plato' together.

    Jon Levi said:

    "....Then again, he lied about being a doctor, and female, so I don't know...."

    I don't prevaricate on blogs, that's just wrong.
    It is quite a simple task to convince Yankees of pretty much anything. They have a stereotypical view of the word outside their borders - that is among those who actually believe there is a world outside their borders - so a few well placed 'Non-Americanisms' will suffice.

    You're just jealous that I have three copies of the 21st Chromosome and you only have two!
    Loser!

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  53. I can see that ALT-F will certainly be an... interesting character to write.

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  54. Plato ain't on the National Curriculum, ALTF, and a good thing too! We should all have been studying Democritus, not that mystic cunt and his Socrates-puppet.

    Also, Jon's remarks about falsely implying doctorhood and vaginadom were directed at Ann Apolis.

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  55. Dearest Jon: 1) "Straight Man" is such a ridiculously common phrase that you're insulting yourself by assuming anyone with any level of cultural immersion above "Thai transsexual living in the northern Hebrides to escape persecution at the hands of slighted ex-fiancé" at all doesn't understand the term. 2)You know I am Canadian and what I call myself at bars. THAT IS ALL. 3) some emoticons to balance out the mood: ^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^ 4) I AWAIT THE RESULTS WITH ECSTASY AND BOREDOM.

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  56. Or maybe it was just a polite way of saying "You're too boring to be a part of my story."

    There, I said it.

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  57. I am British, this is fact. I am unfortunately not female :( I might be a doctor in five or ten years but I will certainly not be a medical one.

    Nonetheless I am also looking forward to the results. I'm not sure what my 'wacky personality traits' are though...

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  58. Being British is a wacky character trait.

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  59. Dearest Jon: No one here is exciting enough to be in the story except for you, and maybe Ann. Rest of us are all just overcompensating for an otherwise unfulfilling life, some more than others you-know-who-I'm-talking-about.

    ....Spell-check claims "unfulfilling" is not a word and suggests "unfulfillable" which is depressing as hell. I'm so emo even my spell-check has lost all hope.

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  60. "Rest of us are all just overcompensating for an otherwise unfulfilling life"

    You're doing that thing I hate Randall for...

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  61. I have a fulfilling life! Just last month I found 20p on the street, and wrote a poem about it in my diary.

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  62. It is possible to undercompensate.
    Overcompensation is defined as an attempt to remedy a poor or nonexistant character trait by overexaggerating its opposite.
    How does this apply to Brits?

    That 20p belonged to Boris. Give it to the BNP.

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  63. @Gamer_2K4: You forget that I am part of the Randall continuum. Also, if you're posting on a site called "Xkcd-sucks", you've basically forfeited the ability to claim self-actualization.

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  64. @Raven
    Self-insert characters are generally a bad idea, especially in fanfic. Haven't you learned that from xkcd?

    With regards to 'unfulfillable', I'm sure the spell-check gave you another option. Look again, and it probably says 'fulfilling'. :-)

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  65. Also, if I assume the 'Randall continuum' as canon, the result would be a very boring story about internal conflict.

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  66. I hope you aren't suggesting our illustrious, bike-loving mayor is a racist.

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  67. I already did that story, and had to insert Rob/Randall fan-fare to make it half-entertaining. So no, I don't think that concept can truly be plumbed for more joy.

    Also, I agree that any fan-fic that has the writer as a character will cease to be read the moment that fact becomes apparent. It ought to be law.

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  68. To TESCO land
    Upon the Strand
    Did 20p find I
    The hoodies there
    Did strip me bare
    But left my Harrow tie

    Give the 20p
    To the BNP
    In the name of Boris fair
    The bike he rides
    The quid he hides
    In his mane of ginger hair.

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  69. Boris is blond, not ginger.

    2/10, see me

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  70. See!
    I am not a winging POME bastard!

    It looks ginger in the BW photos. Besides, I needed a two syllable word to keep with my poetic cadence.

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  71. You could just be not from London

    or 'worthless' as I believe the technical term is

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  72. Hey Ann, are we trying to make every "thiswebcomic sucks" comic awful? 'Cause I totally forget what our original goal was, so that's what I was trying to do...

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  73. "are we trying to make every "thiswebcomic sucks" comic awful?"

    That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it...

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  74. Ooops
    Make that 'whinging'.

    "...or 'worthless' as I believe the technical term is...."

    I agree. Though some from York are not too bad.

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  75. Also Raven if you genuinely think my life is 'exciting' or fulfilling then well my life must not come across very well in my comments

    brb have to go impregnate some supermodels

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  76. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it...

    Good, because my latest creation is definitely just awful.

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  77. Supermodels are not wont to become heavy with child - even if they could bear crotch-fruit.
    Their dieting usually renders them infertile - not enough body-fat to convince their bodies to maintain menses you see.

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  78. He didn't say what he was going to impregnate them with babies.

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  79. Well fuck me from behind with yet another variant definition of a common word.

    I can't keep up.

    My supermodel quip still resonates though.
    I would have voted for Baroness King of Bow, not Boris. Though his bon mot regarding 'Cincinnatus and the plough' when asked if he might stand for Parliament in the next general election with a view to succeeding David Cameron as the Leader of the Conservative Party was vote-worthy.

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  80. Oh shut up. Yes, amenorrhea can be a result of an eating disorder. However, "Kate Moss has a daughter, Lila Grace Moss,[39] born on 29 September 2002"

    That's Kate fucking Moss, the most famously anorexic supermodel of all. Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer, etc, etc, all not as freakishly skinny as Kate Moss, all with children.

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  81. I get a strong feeling the ALTF remover bookmarklet is paying off in this thread.

    This was a good post btw PirateKing, submit more

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  82. @Raven

    "Also, if you're posting on a site called "Xkcd-sucks", you've basically forfeited the ability to claim self-actualization."

    The two are hardly mutually exclusive. If I understand you correctly, then I feel I must point you at Rob's Rants #4: "Don't you have anything better to do?"

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  83. in which gamer_2k4 reveals his poor understanding of jokes in general

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  84. Colombian narco-terrorist paramilitary groups dropped Kate Moss as a spokesperson and others(1) sought to distance themselves from the supermodel after reports of her drug use became public.

    The extreme-right AUC had planned to use the catwalk queen in its autumn 2005 campaign. A spokesman announced that the group would no longer accept donations from Ms Moss over concerns for its image.


    (1)Burberry, Chanel and Sweden's H&M

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  85. It's hard to understand that something is a joke when it's totally consistent with everything else the "joker" says, and when it's presented in the necessarily deadpan style that plain text forces.

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  86. gamer, it's not raven's fault you're too dumb to understand that nothing she says is sincere

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  87. Anon 1:02

    Sadly, it won't remove her from my fanfic.

    Captcha: bardly. How Shakespeare does things.

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  88. i just want to take this time to recognize ALTF's brilliant trolling. no other troll in the history of xkcd sucks has inspired so much hatred that people have made a java bookmarklet that removes them from the comment threads.

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  89. @Rob
    I don't think I ever blamed Raven. It's just that, 95% of the time, I'm completely serious here, so I kind of assume other people are as well. I know it's foolish assumption, but there it is.

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  90. Jon Levi?
    Please to explain the Anonymous 1:02 comment for me.
    What is he/she saying?

    Rob?
    What is a Java Bookmarklet? And how does it remove my comments? I see my comments and others seem to be able to see them - they respond - I am ignorant in the ways of the World Wide Web. I am not new to it though.

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  91. gamer: nobody is serious here. this is probably the most important assumption you can make: nobody is ever serious.

    altf: it's a client-side thing you can install to make it so that they can't see your comments. they hate you so much they've installed an ignore button just for you. that is an accomplishment.

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  92. In fact, that's why it kind of stuns me when people say, "I don't ACTUALLY hate xkcd; I just think it's amusing to make fun of it." To me, this blog is serious business. (Of course, I have the luxury of only writing guest posts when xkcd actually provokes a response from me, rather than because I feel obligated to do so.)

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  93. With your help Rob, I think I have deduced the answer to my query.
    I could encode a Java Bookmarklet, a sub-programme that prevents a specific commenter's comments from displaying on my screen. It doesn't mean that they are not there for others.
    That is fine by me.
    An accomplisment it is, but it pales in credence to an outright ban - like the lovely, but City imprisoned, Kitten did to me for a time.

    BP has been banned from entire cities! He's the master!

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  94. For those who are using the bookmarklet, I am going to present ALTF's comments for you. I'm also going to do it as Anonymous, so you can't just ignore me as well. Enjoy!

    Captcha: nonos. Hah!

    ReplyDelete
  95. Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    I suppose this really just serves the French right for supporting America in its treasonous revolution. If the Brits still ran the place the chambermaid would have been burnt as a witch while Mr. Strauss Kahn would have been given a knighthood and a first-class berth on the steamer for Boulogne.
    June 6, 2011 6:41 AM

    Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    The French are always locking each other in hotel rooms and engaging in criminal sex acts. You see it's all part of the laid-back Mediterranean lifestyle. It was a serious error of judgement, however, to try it in New York.

    'The wildest dreams of Kew are the facts of Khatmandhu
    And the crimes of Clapham chaste in Martaban.'

    Much has changed since Kipling's day, I'm afraid. Martaban is as dull as a wet Welsh Sunday, whereas the crimes of Clapham any evening of the week make Sodom look tame.
    June 6, 2011 7:04 AM

    ReplyDelete
  96. Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    "...Churchill described the French and English as sharing "a special relationship"...."

    Possibly, but not 'The' Special Relationship.
    June 6, 2011 7:30 AM

    Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    Churchill also described the traditions of the Royal Navy as: "Rum, Bum and the Lash" so I wouldn't put much stock in his cigar bespittled utterances.
    June 6, 2011 7:35 AM

    Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    Perhaps you've not been to Sodom of late?
    I endured the Torture Garden New Year Ball at Infernos on December 31, 2007 - good happy-slapping times indeed!
    June 6, 2011 8:39 AM

    Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    'hoodies'?
    You mean 'chavs/neds', yes?

    I've actually witnessed that very spectacle regarding the cheeseburger sans cheese price point debate - but it was at a McD's in Thailand and the 'hoodies' were 50ish Brit ex-pats.

    BP once owned a white Ford Transit when he lived in Engerland for a spell.

    Jon Levi!
    I am in no way British!
    June 6, 2011 9:33 AM

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  97. kitten i think this will get old

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  98. Those who would 'block' me are not worthy of me anyway.
    It is a Darwinian thing.

    STOP it Kitten!

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  99. Whoops!

    Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    "...Churchill described the French and English as sharing "a special relationship"...."

    Possibly, but not 'The' Special Relationship.
    June 6, 2011 7:30 AM

    Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    Churchill also described the traditions of the Royal Navy as: "Rum, Bum and the Lash" so I wouldn't put much stock in his cigar bespittled utterances.
    June 6, 2011 7:35 AM

    Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    Perhaps you've not been to Sodom of late?
    I endured the Torture Garden New Year Ball at Infernos on December 31, 2007 - good happy-slapping times indeed!
    June 6, 2011 8:39 AM

    Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    'hoodies'?
    You mean 'chavs/neds', yes?

    I've actually witnessed that very spectacle regarding the cheeseburger sans cheese price point debate - but it was at a McD's in Thailand and the 'hoodies' were 50ish Brit ex-pats.

    BP once owned a white Ford Transit when he lived in Engerland for a spell.

    Jon Levi!
    I am in no way British!
    June 6, 2011 9:33 AM

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  100. Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    Not all the 50ish Brit ex-pats are paedophiles - infact few are(1). Many seem to have 20ish Thai lady friends though.
    The 50ish German and Swedish ex-pats, however, seem to prefer their trysts to be young.

    (1) Gary Glitter and Pete Townshend notwithstanding.
    June 6, 2011 9:56 AM

    Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    Besides, aren't the Brits Phaedophiles first? With the possible exception of those who spent their impressionable years at Eton or Harrow?
    June 6, 2011 10:08 AM

    Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

    For the benefit of the unlettered, research 'Phaedo' and 'Plato' together.

    Jon Levi said:

    "....Then again, he lied about being a doctor, and female, so I don't know...."

    I don't prevaricate on blogs, that's just wrong.
    It is quite a simple task to convince Yankees of pretty much anything. They have a stereotypical view of the word outside their borders - that is among those who actually believe there is a world outside their borders - so a few well placed 'Non-Americanisms' will suffice.

    You're just jealous that I have three copies of the 21st Chromosome and you only have two!
    Loser!
    June 6, 2011 10:29 AM

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  101. Rob, I have been watching Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle.

    Nothing will ever get old again.

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  102. Actually, I'm already bored. Fuck it.

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  103. "It is for the best Kitten."
    This is the only sentence I have ever understood from ALTF

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  104. Jon Levi -

    Don't forget to include me in the story. I can provide interesting back story or random non-sequiturs or necessary distractions whenever you need it.

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  105. Oh I will, Anonymous. I will.

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  106. Does the story end with the reader finding out that Rob was Randall all along?

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  107. No, but I think I've decided it will end with ALT-F saying "It is for the best, Kitten.", whatever context that may be in.

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  108. UndercoverCuddlefishJune 6, 2011 at 6:52 PM

    @jon levi the story will read better if you use no capital letters or punctuation at all so you should do that

    @gamer2k4 i really do hate xkcd

    i mean i originally found this site by googling xkcd is not funny because i was convinced that i could not be the only person in the world that thought so

    also hey google randall munroe is a pedophile

    my work here is done

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  109. @gamer_2k4: I was initially here to disrupt XKCD-sucks activity, and then I realized that I really did hate xkcd, and now I've realized that it's not XKCD I hate, but the people who genuinely believe XKCD is without fault that I hate.

    Don't get me wrong, XKCD sure ain't great, though. But I'm mostly here for the awful discussions and even more awful opportunity to post my yet further awful guest posts.

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  110. Wait, since when is Ravenzomg a black chick?

    ...sorry, I could not help myself. :P

    Also, Randall apparently just found out about The IT Crowd. I actually like that series(though I only watched... what, two seasons, I think).

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  111. I hate only two kinds of people in this world: xkcd fans and kikes. And also negroes. So two and a half basically.

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  112. There's one pet I like to pet, and every evening we get set.
    I stroke it every chance I get, it's my girl's pussy.
    Seldom plays and never purrs, and I love the thoughts it stirs.
    But I don't mind because it's hers, it's my girl's pussy.
    Often it goes out at night, returns at break of dawn.
    No matter what the weather's like, it's always nice and warm.
    It's never dirty, always clean. In giving thrills, never mean.
    But it's the best I've ever seen, it's my girl's pussy.

    There's one pet I like to pet, and every evening we get wet.
    I stroke it every chance I get, it's my girl's pussy.
    Seldom plays, never purrs, and I love thoughts it stirs.
    But I don't mind because it's hers, it's my girl's pussy.
    So often it goes out at night, and returns at break of dawn, break of dawn.
    No matter what the weather's like, it's always dry and warm.
    I bring titbits that it loves, we spoon like two turtledoves.
    I take care to remove my gloves, when stroking my girl's pussy.

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  113. Mole, that's what I thought of immediately after reading the most recent strip too. Unfortunately, that was actually enjoyable, while the xkcd version is... well, the xkcd version.

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  114. @UndercoverCuddlefish

    I think it's been done before, in fanfic, many times.

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  115. christ, kitten's awful

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  116. JustScott said:

    "...."It is for the best Kitten."
    This is the only sentence I have ever understood from ALTF...."

    It has been for the best JustScott.

    It is probably a good happenstance that R. has evoked a Java Bookmarklet block on my dross.
    When I articulate his nomen in my head I employ a very sexually suggestive alveolar trill. His cardiovascular system is ill-equipped to deal with the predictable 'turgi-surge'.
    I use it for Rob too, but he can take the resultant newtons per square meter.

    Innit?

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  117. R: Did you realize that before or after he spent a week posting as Capn, someone else, and I?

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  118. You're just jelly that I was a better Ravenzomg than you will ever be.

    Where is Capn, anyway?

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  119. R:
    I know you can't read this but...
    Did you realise this before or after Kitten spent a week commenting as 'Capn', 'someone else', 'Ravenzomg' and me?

    Kitten you are not a victim of the Ontario Public School System, like BP and Ravenzomg. Accordingly, you could not be a better Ravenzomg.

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  120. i had my suspicions before

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  121. Capn hasn't been here since he finished the countdown. I wonder what's happened to him.

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  122. In that case, the last comment he wrote before he left was:

    "Necro-Cunnilingus is probably best simulated by licking moldy beef jerky.

    Who wants to bet there's a couple decade old bags of Jack Links sitting in Randall's nightstand drawer?"

    At least he dropped out in the classiest possible fashion.

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  123. ".....Necro-Cunnilingus is probably best simulated by licking moldy beef jerky....."

    And this was rebutted with the following (and I paraphrase it from memory 'cause I can't be arsed to research it):

    "You can dispense with the word 'probably' in that declaration. You are fooling no one."

    A funnier line can not be viewed 'round here.

    I think it was a Brit which done wrote it.

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  124. I do not love thee Mr. Spock
    The reason why I do not grok

    But this I know on wood to knock
    I do not love thee Mr. Spock

    With the indulgence of: Star Trek, Heinlein and Martial

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  125. Okay, this is bullshit.

    Apparently "xkcd is relatively good, xkcd sucks should be trashed.", and apparently "It's official".

    It's seemingly done by some sort of vote, except I can see no voting buttons.

    This also ingnited one of the most epic (by which I mean pointless) flame wars of all time.

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  126. .diputs era uoy siht daer uoy fI

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  127. Try boustrophedon the next time - much more stupider.

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  128. Yeah, Hiprank looks pretty crappy. It says Friendster is better than Facebook, and Nickelback is only slightly worse than Radiohead.

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  129. xkcd sucks should be trashed.

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  130. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  131. Well this is depressing.

    It makes me think that the search results are posted in real-time by an angsty teen girl.

    Captcha: ingst - wtf, that almost spells angst, captcha system get out of my head!

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  132. I have an announcement to make.

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  133. Jon Levi, you should know that anything claiming to be hip is, in fact, not at all. Conversely, something calling itself "___ sucks" must be the paragon of culture.

    FACT

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  134. Hi prank, how are you today?

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  135. Aquarians Love To Fuck said...
    Churchill also described the traditions of the Royal Navy as: "Rum, Bum and the Lash" so I wouldn't put much stock in his cigar bespittled utterances.

    Are you stupid? The quote was 'Run, Sodomy and the Lash', it's a fucking album by the Pogues, for fuck's sake!

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  136. I am indeed the paragon of culture.

    @12:20 - That is a fucking stupid place to have a typo.

    Idiot.

    ReplyDelete
  137. I think the fact that you misspelled the president's name is a needed further comment.

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  138. if you spell it right, obama goes from ho-hum to run of the mill. osama stays ultimate

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  139. I think the whole sentience thing was Randall making a comment that self awareness doesn't develop until 18 months. Not funny, but not ENTIRELY inaccurate.

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