Happy Christmas, you sons of bitches! And what a glorious gift Randall has given us on this most special of days-- a boring webcomic!
Really, the fact that people born on or around gift-giving occasions get the short end of the stick in the present department is only slightly less obvious than the fact that drinking water will make you have to pee. It's about as insightful or humorous as pointing out that Jewish children don't get to open a pile of presents today. Hey, what about TWINS born on Christmas Day? They must get double-shafted since they're sharing their birthday with Jesus AND their freakish sibling! Oh my God, I almost pissed myself from all the hilarity.
Oh, but the real gold of this comic is in the alt-text. It is such a massive wad of WTFery that I feel duty-bound to reproduce it here. Behold:
If you're turning 27 and were born in the Northeast, maybe you were conceived in the blizzard of 1982. Imagine: snowed in, candles, massage oil, your mom sporting nothing but her early 80's haircut and a smile ... aren't you glad you read the title-text?
First off: lame. I know we're all supposed to be really grossed out by the thought of our parents getting naked, but my sensibilities are so dulled by instances of Randall's inadvertent creepiness that when he deliberately tries to be gross, it's just sad.
In the interests of fact-checking, a must when dealing with people who chronically pull little nuggets of information out of their asses, I checked Google for the "Blizzard of 1982." What do you know, there was a blizzard in the Northeast that year, on April 6th, approximately when you'd need to be conceived to be born today. So mad props to Randall for managing not to completely mangle a fact! It is truly a Christmas miracle.
$17 (Blog posts count as $5 each)
No, Randall, I'm not particularly glad about that at all.
ReplyDeleteAlthough this is better than another sub-par attempt at a nerdy joke.
Captcha: preti. No it isn't.
Carl owes me $5.00.
ReplyDeleteI was hoping that this would be the title of today's post, and you didn't dissapoint! Wonderful. Also: "First off: lame. I know we're all supposed to be really grossed out by the thought of our parents getting naked, but my sensibilities are so dulled by instances Randall's inadvertent creepiness that when he deliberately tries to be gross, it's just sad."
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what the problem with the alt-text is. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but you, for lack of a better word, nailed it. Thanks!
Oh, and both of my parents lived on Long Island, New York in 1982 (the year I was born,) and neither remember that blizzard. However, they both smoke a lot of crack, so maybe it really was a significant meteorological event.
ReplyDelete$18
1st January is apparently a worse birthday, as everyone is too tired from the night before to care, and too skint from xmas to buy you anything.
ReplyDeleteFirst words Aloria posted: "Comic 680"
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas y'all
ReplyDeleteThis alt-text is one of Randall's creepiest. Worse than 7.
ReplyDeleteAw man why did you make me look up comic 7?
ReplyDeleteAloria is wicked evil in her blog posts.
ReplyDeleteAloria is wicked evil.
ReplyDeletewtf
ReplyDelete$19
$19
ReplyDelete???
Your first words were "Comic 680" -- you lose the bet.
ReplyDeleteI liked this one, it's an idea I've heard like once or twice but never seen in webcomic, and Randall executed it decently (rather simply, but I guess it works).
ReplyDeleteAlt-text didn't really add or detract, it was more like a "hah." than a "hahaha", but you aren't always born an exact number of days after your parents do it anyway...
The comedian Dan Mintz made the only good joke ever made on this topic, it went something like "I feel sorry for people who were born on 9/11... Instead of a birthday present and a 9/11 present they probably just get one present for both"
ReplyDeleteOK, not gold, but better than this strip...
I got a chuckle out of this one.
ReplyDeleteIt's not an original joke, but I'm amused by it.
I wouldn't have found it funny if everyone in my immediate family didn't have a birthday near Christmas.
captcha: Angle.
my birthday IS near christmas and i hear this about ten times a year. I had no clue he could be this unoriginal.
ReplyDeleteoh wait, yes i did.
As somebody born in 1984, and thus out of range, I've definitely heard a lot about the 1982 blizzard in New York (I'm from Ontario myself). I didn't think twice about the reference; it's common knowledge in the circles I grew up in (referenced gigglingly between pubescent boys & girls whenever there's a power-outage).
ReplyDeleteA blizzard in 1982 is a common knowledge?
ReplyDeleteYea actually the comic I kinda giggled at, considering my own mother has a Dec 26th birthday. It was the alt-text that infuriated me. Imagine telling all your friends a funny joke, waiting until the laughter dies down, and then awkwardly adding on "its weird to imagine my parents doin' it" for NO REASON.
It really killed my comic experience.
what? December 26 must be an awesome birthday, because it's on Boxing Day, so you can get awesome gifts for discount prices :D
ReplyDeleteI read this post thinking there was a question mark in place of the colon after "Behold:" and it was way better that way.
ReplyDelete"...fact that drinking water will make you have to pee..."
ReplyDeleteNot necessarily.
If one is afflicted with dysentry that is.
'Vagina Dentata' aka 'Aquarians Love To Fuck' aka 'Dr. M' can not be here to share in the frivolity that is xkcdsucks. She has, however, instructed me to give you a seasonal gift.
Read the penultimate post first; the ultimate post second - the rest of the blog will not be to your liking.
To sum it up, imagining naked stick figures freaks the hell out of you, but your naked mom seems to be a normal view to you.
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say, my mom is hot.
ReplyDelete$20.
To clarify: being explicitly shown poorly-drawn cunnilingus and envisioning Randall Munroe, whom I find a little bit creepy, drawing it is a little more disgusting to me than the realization that my parents have had sex.
ReplyDeleteI often imagine Randall Monroe drawing xkcd and cackling evilly as he did so, excited to see what xkcd sucks could possibly say about this one.
ReplyDeleteOr many he's just crying hysterically.
It's hard to tell, my imagination often comes in blurry.
...This blog is pathetic.
ReplyDeleteI mean, you are ranting about a WEBCOMIC, and clearly, not the one for you. You obviously don't understand the humour, and you are ranting about it. Or maybe you do understand the humour, and feel that you are superior to those who feel that XKCD is humerous, such as myself, and then you see fit - in your own arrogance - to proceed to call us sick, perverted (I've read some of your past posts before commenting on this) and stupid for these jokes. The very fact that you are ranting on the internet about other content on the internet proves to me that you should be evicted from the gene pool.
Maybe I'm being harsh, but quite frankly, you disgust me. Attacking a webcomic is pathetic, and attacking the creator of the webcomic is just downright indecent.
If you don't like XKCD, then good for you. But hey! Heads up! No-one cares. No-one cares about your self-delusional rants about a webcomic.
But, it seems you have some people who share your opinon. It is to be expected, and obvious. NOt everyone likes the same thing. But to set up a website to attack the webcomic and the webcomic's creator personally is just, as I have repeated, pathetic.
"No-one cares about your self-delusional rants about a webcomic."
ReplyDeleteObviously you must, at least a little, otherwise you wouldn't take the time to write at such lengths on how pathetic you think we are.
$21
...That comment is pathetic.
ReplyDeleteI mean, you are ranting about a BLOG, and clearly, not the one for you. You obviously don't understand the humour, and you are ranting about it. Or maybe you do understand the humour, and feel that you are superior to those who feel that XKCD sucks is humerous [sic], such as myself, and then you see fit - in your own arrogance - to proceed to call us sick, perverted (I've read some of your past posts before commenting on this) and stupid for these jokes. The very fact that you are ranting on the internet about other content on the internet proves to me that you should be evicted from the gene pool.
Maybe I'm being harsh, but quite frankly, you disgust me. Attacking a blog is pathetic, and attacking the creator of the blog is just downright indecent.
If you don't like XKCD Sucks, then good for you. But hey! Heads up! No-one cares. No-one cares about your self-delusional rants about a blog.
But, it seems you have some people who share your opinon [sic]. It is to be expected, and obvious. NOt everyone likes the same thing. But to post a comment to attack the blog and the blog's creator personally is just, as I have repeated, pathetic.
I like your style, Rob.
ReplyDeleteThough still, don't you think you're just being childish?
We're having fun. Think of it as bad movie night, but with webcomics.
ReplyDeleteHey rob, Im real happy for you and imma let you finish, but kanye west makes more sense then you. MORE THAN YOU!
ReplyDeletegood night.
Relevant!
ReplyDeleteMaking more sense than Kayne west is the equivilent of being manbearpig.
ReplyDeleteA random reference! That means it must be funny! Someone is learning from Randal.
ReplyDelete"humerous"
ReplyDeleteA webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math and language.
Do you think it's childish for Randall to criticise the Star Wars Holiday Special, or Vista, or Michael Bay movies, or a thousand other things on his webcomic?
ReplyDelete"No-one cares about your self-delusional rants about a webcomic."
Randall does.
http://www.isowantone.com/heisnotrandall.jpg
Carl writing = biting criticism that is funny
ReplyDeleteother guys writing, including this one = desperate posing that is trying way too hard and entirely forgets about and dispenses with being funny
I mean, really, hey: You called it lame.
ReplyDeleteWOW YEAH that's what I come on this blog for right?? TO SEE SOMEONE CALL SOMETHING "LAME". That is so intelligent and insightful. WOW. What a devastating and biting commentary on the Quality of the comic to this day. YOU CALLED IT LAME.
I MEAN WOW.
I like that! "Desperate posing that is trying way too hard and entirely forgets about and dispenses with being funny."
ReplyDeleteI'm never sure where fuckwits like you get the impression that (a) we are trying hard at all or (b) we are desperate. We get it, your delicate psyche can't handle a change in authorial tone and you decide to take it out on the other writers. But disliking someone doesn't mean they are trying very hard, nor that they are "desperate." I mean, what would we desperate for? To post? That is super easy. For approval? WE ARE WRITING AN XKCD SUCKS BLOG. And what is desperate about this post? Or any post? Does it look like a lot of effort was put in?
I can't speak definitively for Aloria, but I know that when I write a post it takes me maybe ten, fifteen minutes. I usually don't even think about the jokes. Sometimes I will go out on a limb and have a joke that runs through the whole post, but that doesn't have any involved effort. I write as it comes to me.
I am sure Aloria is the same way.
PS harry: http://xkcdsucks.blogspot.com/search?q=lame
ReplyDeleteCtrl+F 'lame' GUESS WHO IS FOND OF CALLING COMICS LAME
The author draws attention to an interesting (to him) thought: That of his parents when he was conceived.
ReplyDeleteHe is able to deduce that, since he is 27 and born on the 25th of December, his parents must have had engaged in coitus during a severe blizzard in April of 1982, due to the blizzard. It has escaped the authors attention that every parent has had sex 9 months before they were born, blizzard or no.
Which brings us to the main issue.
Having been brought up in a culture fraught with taboos concerning sexuality, the author has never been able to overcome his Oedipal tendencies. He is unable to come to terms with the sexual intercourse between his parents for two reasons: Firstly he would thus be acknowledging his attraction to his nude mother, and secondly, to picture his father's amorous advances- the anger he would feel at this would legitimize his apprehension.
The author has repressed his urges very thoroughly over the years, but they continue to manifest as apparently random obsessions. For example, an unrelated coincidence of chronology leads the author to investigate the circumstances of his birth, and thereby "stumble" on certain conclusions: Given that the discovery is upsetting for the author, he explains that it was found by accident. However, it is clear that his by now obsessed subconscious dragged him down the shortest path available.
But, faced with the demons of his early youth, the author faces a new, strange paradox: His mother is now aged, and hardly as attractive physically. Neither is the feeling of security which she would once supply as strong: The author has been forced to be self-sufficient for a number of years. She is no longer the perfect mate that she once was.
And the father? He is frail and old as well. He is no longer a threat, nor a serious rival to the author, who is in his prime. In short, the author has defined his adolescent and adult life in anticipation of the ultimate contest against his father, and the ultimate reward of his mother's sexual attentions. He is underwhelmed. His subconscious is underwhelmed. The only choice left is to "laugh it off", claim that it is all a good natured joke, and repress this memory deep in his mind where it will not often bother him.
Once his anticlimactic experience is emasculated in this manner, the author is able to reinterpret his internal narrative, and once again place himself in the middle of his story: Until the time comes once more for the "real" face-off with his father.
What
ReplyDelete$22
Frankly this is about as much effort as I'd expect most webcomics to put into a Christmas day strip, assuming they post one at all.
ReplyDeleteI don't think Randall really thought this one was his crowning comedic work either.
the 9/11 joke made me laugh pretty hard, for what that is worth.
ReplyDelete"9/11 made me laugh pretty hard, for what it is worth."
ReplyDelete"I raped and killed a young girl in 1990, for what it is worth."
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, who posts a hate-rant about a web comic on christmas? Did you not have better things to do?
ReplyDeleteYeah, who has fifteen minutes of free time on an incredibly lazy day when everything is closed and there is nothing to do except hang out with family?
ReplyDeleteI'm not even Christian, why would I give a fuck if it's Christmas or not?
ReplyDelete$1
To be fair I know a fair amount of people who aren't religious (and some who are strongly anti-religious) who celebrate Christmas.
ReplyDelete