Comic 674: An Alternate View

Some strange man calling himself "Bob Dole" sent me a review of the most recent comic and I thought I would post it, just so you all know I am fair about these things. Bob Dole, everyone:
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Hello, Bob Dole here. Despite the name and my illustrious political career, I am just the average humble XKCD fan. So please, don't view this as some sort of elitism when I say that XKCD is the greatest comic in the world and if you don't laugh heartily at every single one you are a mental midget of the most miniscule magnitude. That is to say, your brain is short.

With that out of the way, I hope Carl will allow a small voice of dissent among the XKCD hating crowd and post this.

When I read an XKCD comic I like to go panel by panel, from left to right as if I am reading a book or a holy manuscript, digesting each panel in its entirety. I then read it again, usually this time with my pants off, and take it in as one cohesive unit. Finally I read it a third time and make sure to hover my mouse cursor gingerly over the comic so as to call forth the title text all whilst rubbing cocoa butter over my sun spotted skin. I read this particular strip a whopping sixteen times and, I tell you, my skin has never been smoother or more aromatic. Nor have my sides ever been so thoroughly split.

But enough about me! Onto what you all came here for: the comic. And boy is it a CLASSIC!

Just looking at the first panel I know it'll be good since it hits most of the pillars of XKCD comedy.

Romance? A man and a woman and a child. How can that be anything but romance? Check!

Science? Well, they 'made' a baby. And considering they have just become aware of that fact and that the baby is saying "baby!" only leads me to believe it is some sort of sophisticated cyborg they built. That is the height of science! Check!

Sarcasm? "Don't panic." is clearly sarcasm on the woman's part since she should be celebrating for creating such a spectacular work of engineering. It is safe to assume she is sarcastically quoting Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and not actually panicking. Check!

Math? The baby saying "baby!" is clearly a reference to Pokemon. And anyone that has played Pokemon knows that its a game of math. Every single thing is assigned a number and the majority of gameplay consists of adding and subtracting the numbers. Oh man do I love Pokemon. And XKCD. An XKCD that mentions Pokemon? Pure heaven. Baby! Er, I mean, check!

The second panel has the characters in the same pose. This is something XKCD has always been great at: creating a thread of continuity throughout all of its panels leading to a comic that flows smoothly and does not suffer from the jarring jumps that a change in scenery or posture can bring. Its the type of consistency that every other webcomic can only hope to achieve. The one thing missing is that the baby isn't saying "baby!" That is the only thing that could make this panel better.

I am, however, a bit perplexed by what the male figure means by "do what comes naturally." I hope the next panel will illuminate me.

Oh yes, the silent panel. This is classic XKCD right here! They give both the readers and the characters a moment to ponder. Ponder what, you might ask? Anything! Like what might happen in the next panel or possibly the meaning of life. It's really quite poignant. I can't help but notice the baby has stretched its arms apart. What is that little tyke doing? I can only assume that it is "doing what comes naturally." Again, I wait with baited breath as to what the next panel will bring. It just must inform me what that natural thing that is to be done is! I just wish the baby was saying "baby!" again. Oh well, I guess Randy can't always be perfect.

Ha! The moment of clarity! This is what I read XKCD for. I was left in the dark the last two panels and had NO clue what was going to happen. This totally caught me off guard. But given the short timespan of "soon" there is only one possible conclusion. For those of you that didn't catch it, and I assume there are quite a few out there since this is one of Randy's more subtle jokes, the baby was going through mitosis in the third panel! "Do what comes naturally" is some kind of audio trigger phrase built into the baby's positronic brain by its amazing creators that causes it to self replicate! Wow! That's some high science right there. And math since it's dividing into two! There is no way I could see that coming! Bravo Randy! Bravo! Now if only both babies were saying "baby!"

Now that the exhilirating panel by panel read through is complete I can look at it as a whole. It's practically the perfect comic. The only thing I would have liked to see, apart from more "baby!" would have been a black hat on the man in the comic. I do so love the chap in the black hat. I think adding that would have put a sinister bend on the comic like perhaps he is building an army of self-replicating cyborg babies in an effort to bankrupt the diaper industry by straining their manufacturing capabilities to the breaking point. But still, it is amazing as is. Don't get too greedy, Bob.

Finally onto the title text. All I can say is the fact that it contains the term "sampling bias" in it makes me feel REALLY smart. And the mother pun since the comic was talking about babies? Genius.

This is Bob Dole and I love XKCD and so should you.