Yo, my name's John, but I've decided that today my name is Robot MD, because doctors get all the ladies and that's something to aspire to. If I weren't gay.
Also, you may remember me from this.
So here we have a beautiful little comic fresh from Randall Munroe's ker-razy head and...oh. It's um. It's not that great is the first thing I notice; it's kind of mediocre. The joke appears to be “What if Facebook were creepy?” and you know what? I agree with Randall that it wouldn't end too well.
Guys, this is why we can't see this man's eyes, he is looking at the wall where his projection is. Maybe that's why we can never see the eyes of all xkcd characters? They're always facing the other way. So my first problem with this comic is, why is the guy facing the other way? I'd like to be able to see his face. So that I can relate to him. EVER HEARD OF THAT RANDY?
HEARD OF RELATING TO CHARACTERS?
Also, I'm pretty sure you can't text from Facebook.
This is where the “fun” begins. Facebook starts to recommend stuff to do beyond what it usually does. Hilarious right? So the guy thinks it over and starts talking out loud about his feelings. Now, this is just plain inconsiderate. We don't see where he is, but I'm going to assume he's at the library where people don't want to know his problems. You know what? I don't want to know his problem. If I was there I would put some music on or something. Try and liven this shit up.
Oh yeah, and her profile picture changes in this panel, as it does in all of them. Maybe this is a little joke put in by Randall, that the stick man takes so long to make his decision that she is changing her picture while he does it. Or maybe the esteemed Munroe forgot how to use Ctrl-v, which is odd considering how often he's used it in the past.
This is where Facebook comes into its own. It starts to convince this man, this vulnerable, lonely man that the only thing he wants right now is Susie. But let's be clear here, he only wants Susie's body. He doesn't want to complicate things. But in THE VERY SAME PANEL, Facebook says that life itself is complicated. Oh yes, and there's some hover chairs. I forgot to mention them earlier.
Anyway, we have a little picture of what the stick man and Susie should be doing. And...and I'm not sure I like that picture. For one thing Susie is quite low down on his body, perhaps she is inferior? I guess Randall got a lot of stick for making males inferior, but I think this may be too far in the other direction.
HOWEVER, this if Facebook's idea of what should be done. This is the devil's way of doing things. Randall thinks women should never have to be inferior. Only men should do that.
And here's the punchline. Nope. Hang on, I'll just go look at it again. Okay, no that didn't have a punchline, we just have it get slightly creepier. Although, to be honest, Facebook has just done a little bit of matchmaking. Without Facebook that guy would be sleeping alone tonight, but now he's got a bit of booty to see him through to the dawn. The least that guy could do is let Facebook see the fruits of his efforts.
Speech after the punchline: What punchline?
Nipples need to be licked in the xkcd universe. It's just...it's just a fact.
Okay, we've analysed pretty in depth the individual panels, but it's time to get into the HMS Reasoning. I'll leave you with Captain James Swift as we approach the Archipelago of Themes.
You lot can look through the telescope and I'll tell you what you should be seeing. Right now you should be having a peek at the Island of Unrequited Love. There'll be quite a few characters there, but we're looking for Susie. Can you see her? Good, that's because that's what she represents.
Captain James pulls a lever on the inside of the submarine. It begins to move.
Right, we're going past some more islands. If you can see there, there is an island that we call the Isle of Fate. You'll see Facebook there, as that's what it represents in the comic that we've just read. The bringing together of peoples for its own purposes.
Okay, now on the island on the right, we should be able to see the stick man, the lead character in the illustration we have just read. This is the island of Randal Munroe, because the stick man represents him. The only thing we learn from this is that Randall gets all the ladies, even ones he doesn't want.
He puts the periscope back in its place.
We've got no more need for that old thing. There's no more a salty seadog can do with island metaphors; let's go back to John.
Hey guys, I'm back, just got myself a sandwich. I hope you enjoyed Captain Swift's tour. Last point I want to make is that Susie is an anagram of Megan.
Carl again. What the hell was that? I have no idea. Whatever, he still drew a picture of me arm-wrestling a dinosaur. Oh hey also, why did this comic seem so familiar? OH YEAH it's because this was on the front page of digg like 3 days ago. It's ok Randall! We know you don't use digg and neither do any of your readers so it's ok.
this comic makes me feel unhappy in so many ways. Why is facebook responding to him?