Comic 621: The Least Interesting Comic

hello boys and girls. today's guest post is brought to you by Mr. Ego Raptor.


There's a 60% chance Randall is friends with this guy.

Going into this guest blog, I was terrified that Randall Munroe might actually put forth some effort into his comic and force me into the awkward position of enjoying the comic. But, thankfully, Randall is generous and made his web comic that I hate based on a commercial that I hate, giving my hate such laser-like intensity that Emperor Palpatine himself would say "Chill out, man. It's not worth getting upset about." So why is this comic so bad?

For those of you who may not watch 5 hours of television a night, there is a beer called Dos Equis. "Who are they?" you might ask, and the answer is "I don't know" because no one knows who they are without googling them to sound like a smart ass in the comment sections. So Dos Equis decided to build brand recognition by making a series of commercials called "The Most Interesting Man in the World" which is a series of unfunny Chuck Norris jokes. But Dos Equis couldn't afford Chuck Norris as that would require a budget. So they hired some guy that vaguely resembles Sean Connery and filmed him doing absurd things, like carrying a fox away from British people and fighting ninjas. Unfortunately, the writers never saw the footage, so the lame Chuck Norris jokes don't match up with the absurd footage. The commercial is bad because it's derivative, talentless, and lazy.

But when it comes to being derivative, talentless, and lazy, Randall Munroe shall not be outdone! He decides to make a derivative of the derivative Chuck Norris joke (a second derivative, for those of you unfamiliar with the horrors of Calculus [can we call this comic Chuck Norris ' ' ? -carl]). Randall's idea is to be ironic, describing mundane feats while the other jokes describe incredible feats. But the joke falls flat on its face because the descriptions of the Least Interesting Man (henceforth called Limmy) are unfunny. There's nothing enjoyable you can take from this comic. A far funnier idea would be to describe Limmy's mundane behavior in a grandiose fashion (i.e. He can check his e-mail with one hand tied behind his back, He can stride while chewing Stride, he can upload pictures of stick figures to the internet and call it a comic, etc.). It takes no effort to make boring stuff sound boring. But effort is in short supply in XKCD these days. Especially when you look at what he draws.

While I criticize the commercial for never matching what I see with what I hear, at least I'm seeing unusual stuff. The commercial lets my imagination run wild compared with the infinite blandness of Munroe's comic. The first panel is just two stick figures standing there, acting so boring that not even Randall can finish the sentence. However, not to be out-lazied, the second panel is just one stick figure. But the third panel out-lazies them all, by being an honest to God paste job of an earlier xkcd.

Okay, maybe not an exact paste. The first panel at least illustrates two arms.

By the fourth panel, he's abandoned all hope of doing anything remotely memorable in this comic. He includes as many stick chicks in there as possible in the panel with no regard for blocking, for no apparent reason. Limmy also seems to be looking off in a random direction, babbling to a horribly illustrated cup (I know art isn't XKCD's strongpoint, but I've seen pre-schoolers draw better than that).

This comic is terrible because it rips off a terrible commercial which rips off a five year old running joke from the internet, which is inspired by Sidekicks. Earlier this summer, we could count on Randall ripping off other people's original work. But now that's too much effort for him.

If XKCD sucks anymore, it will collapse on itself.

~Ego Raptor

Comic 620: Crashing Back To Earth

i still don't know if i will care enough to make this a regular thing. But - as long as I'm here -

1) i thought the newest SMBC Theater, "Ultimate Staring Contest" was better than the first four - I was astounded at how much they made the live-action skit feel like a cartoon (it was the labels on everything that made me think this, then, spoiler alert, the exploding head). But I thought it was funny, in cartoony, loony-tunes sort of way.

2) i took a picture for you guys. Specifically, for Amanda. Amanda: I don't know why you want to rebel against me but consider this picture a plea for you to stick around.

update: Hm, Dragon whatever hasn't sent me a post yet. Come on, Dragon whatever! I'm going to assume he is dead, and, rather than rely on the kindness of strangers, like last time, I'm just going to write the damn post myself. I'll add yours if you send it though. if you are even alive.

so what do we have today.

Those of you who read this blog regularly probably already reacted to this comic in the same way that I did: with the simple phrase, "picto-blog!" Click that link for a full explanation, but in short, we've noticed that sometimes, Randall Munroe has genuinely interesting ideas. But unfortunately, he does not run an Interesting Idea Blog, Illustrated With Pictures. He runs a webcomic, and so he takes these ideas and he jams jokes onto the ends of them, and it just ends up as a big old pile of fail.

And today is no exception. Testing out possible flight conditions on other planets/moons is awesome. I can see that easily. But like he so often does, the punchline is fucked up quite badly.

The joke, as I see it, is in the similarity between ancient greek guy Icarus trying to fly, and falling and failing, and Our Hero, trying to fly, and failing, and specifically, the physical humor of the modern day Icarus having his work (not to mention himself) come crashing down to earth. That the well read reader makes this connection in his head is the source of laughter, if such laughter occurs.

The issue is that this connection should come after you read the end of the comic. The punchline should not be in the third-to-last panel. For those people who did not get the reference to Icarus, the joke is merely in the "HEAT LAMP" shot, which is also not the last panel. The last panel that we get is the dude falling; which really is just a forgone conclusion after the two previous panels.

A much better - but still not best - variation would be Way Walker's edit that he links to below. I would still add one thing though - the Greek Mythology line (or some reference to Icarus, perhaps Randall's original phrasing was a bit awkward) should be added, by the off-panel woman, in the final frame. Then you get the joke at the end, and it makes sense. I also like the elegant concision of merging the top three panels with the wide white spaces of the big bridge shot.

Oh and come on: Icarus's problem was that he used wax, which melts at a fairly low temperature. Hot glue is hardly the same - sure, it can melt, but if you've ever used a hot glue gun and accidentally touched the hot part you know just god damn fucking hot it has to be, and how at that heat Our Hero has bigger problems than falling a few feet, like having his skin burn off. God knows how Mr. Hat is surviving operating what is essentially a small star. Mr. Hat appears to be less into greek mythology and more into being a giant douche.

Hypothetical question: If the main character had succeeded is flying, what would he have done with that power? Does he have a way to get to Titan and try it out there?

not related to anything update: You know what I just remembered? Back when I started reading webcomics, I could list the ones I read, all four of them, in a nice little rhyming couplet. It was -

Dinosaur Comics and xkcd
Perry Bible Fellowship and Married to the Sea

isn't that INTERESTING?

Comic 619: ROB HAS ABANDONED ME

dear readers of this blog: A most profound apology. The man I thought was my friend, "Rob", was scheduled to blog about comic 619 today. But in the last few minutes, he has sent me an e-mail of a MOST RUDE nature, informing me that he is abandoning all material possessions in order to live on an organic rhubarb farm in eastern West Virginia. EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. I am astounded, I am angered, I am shocked. Could he not have waited a few days? Or informed me of his decision earlier?

He has thrown the SUMMER OF MADNESS of of its kilter, and I am at a loss for what to do. I will keep you informed of the state of this emergency as events unfold. Probably I will cry on my own for a long time.

pray for this blog.

UPDATE - 8/5/09 - 10:25 PM - Oh thank goodness. A kindly e-mailer has written in with a guest-post to save the day. I am so grateful that I have not bothered to read it; I trust it is excellent in each and every way. Ladies and Gentleman, please give a huge amount of grateful applause to a man calling himself "Billiam Monty Hughes"...

why does that name sound so...familiar? well, whatever. Let's just ctrl-v this thing right up and go back to my expensive wine induced nap in my gold-encrusted terrarium.

===========================================

Title: My name is Billiam, king of kings: Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Greetings, one and all.

I recommend you cherish this moment, humble reader, as never before has this brutal blag had the privilege to display an expansive opinion from my own unique vantage point. Unlike all past reviewers before me (Carl Wheeler, Roberto, James etc.), I did not score a 7 on my Intelligence Quotient test (I actually achieved an exceptional 224 (übergenius level), for your information). Secondly, I am not a delusional, envious moron like most of this blag's fan-base. You see, you do NOT truly hate "Xkcd". It is impossible to dislike, or even be apathetic towards. It is a paragon of perfection. You are tricking yourself. You are simply JEALOUS of "Xkcd", so you attempt to find faults even though none exist. This is also why many also "hate" Control Alternate Delete, the second best web-comic of all time ("Xkcd" defeats it, obviously). I pity you, I do. Poor, poor, Carl...

Perhaps you would enjoy some exposition on my past and lineage? I go by many aliases, but most refer to me as Billiam, for I am BILLIAM MONTY HUGHES. My surname (Hughes) is a prestigious mantle, passed down through the generations, father to son, son to son, and finally to me. I will hopefully later pass it down for MY son (possibly also the child of the lovely Sophie Devrient? CONTACT ME PLEASE!!!). My forefathers were all men of intellect, bravery and strength. I have not disappointed them. Their very thoughts altered history and they fought valiantly for YOUR freedom. The freedom you are now ABUSING to be a COMPLETE AND UTTER whale penis to a person who just happens to illustrate images that are superior than your own. It is pathetic and I cannot tolerate your repulsive behaviour.

I appreciate and enjoy "Xkcd" as it is (perhaps you should too):

It is a flawless, constantly-updating classic of entertainment created by an extremely talented and intelligent man (Randall Patrick Munroe) that shall stand the test of time, unfaltered. Randall Munroe obviously invests a large amount of (well-earned) time in the construction of his miniature masterpieces. Centuries into the future, children, tweenagers and teenagers shall learn of "Xkcd" in classrooms, remaining relevant for all eternity. That is, if Wheeler's minions fail in their objectives (to defile the respectable name of "Xkcd", preventing it from gaining the readers it deserves and transforming Munroe into a shell of his former self). I CANNOT, SHALL NOT and MUST NOT let this occur.

This is war. An E-War, but a war nonetheless. As barbaric as any other. It is hoped that this battle can end without casualties, and that both sides can reconcile with each other and live harmoniously in unison. But I am no fool. This "dream" is naivety of the highest order. This is not a joke. I am prepared to fight many battles for my cause (the forces of good), like my fathers before me (WW2, that other one etc.). Amidst the aura of combat, my mercy depletes exponentially, and my code does not forbid me the right to murder VERMIN (what all "Xkcd" "haters" truly are).

DO. NOT. "FUCK". WITH. ME. PLEASE. THANKS. IN. ADVANCE.

The detractors of "Xkcd" are one faction in this war, led by Carl "Ugly" Wheeler (essentially an amalgam of Adolf Hitler (Former leader of the German Nationalist Socialist Party) and Lex Luthor (fictional BALD villain)), Malethoth (MORE LIKE FEMALETHOTH) the Mad, Roberto (SPIC SPIC SPIC) and James (Possibly a homosexual?) and populated by the "common" people. Their aim is to cripple "Xkcd", alienate its few fans and MURDER its esteemed creator, Randall P. Munroe. The reason as to their violent, unfathomable, primitive hatred? Jealousy. Why can't you understand that nigh-perfection is still an admirable goal...

The other faction is the altruistic defenders of "Xkcd". Led by Randall Munroe, William Monty Hughes and I. Belial and Sophie-Devrient play a significant role in the defense of good. We did not initiate the fight, nor do we wish it to continue, but we must uphold peace by enforcing war. I wish this was not the case, but we must defend what is right... By stopping what is wrong.

If you do not cease your petty squabbles, the result of this war shall impact the entirety of the internet. The war-ground shall grow in size and in brutality, eventually all will take a side. If this comes to pass, I hope they shall choose the just one (mine).

-Billiam Monty Hughes, Son of Gary
IQ 224
"Cogito Ergo Sum"

What is war good for? Absolutely. Nothing.

Remember. You have been warned of the hazardous implications of your purely immoral actions. You shall not be spared.

Oh my, a slight tangent. I must now return to my review of "Xkcd".

Here is a list of my top six hundred and eighteen favourite "Xkcd"'s, in numerical order:

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52,53,54,55,56,57,58,59,60,61,62,63,64,65,66,67,6869,70,71,72,73,74,7576,77,78,79,8081,8283,84,85,86,87,88,8990,91,92,9394,95,96,97,98,99,100,101,102,103104,105,106,107,108,109,110,111,112,113114,115,116,117,118,119,120,121,122,123,124,125,126,127,128,129,130,131,132,133134,135,136,137,138,139,140141142,143,144,145,146,147148,149,150,151,152,153154,155,156,157,158,159,160,161,162163,164,165,166,167,168169,170,171,172,173174,175,176,177,178,179,180,181,182,183,184,185,186,187,188,189,190,191,192193,194,195,196,197198,199200,201,202,203,204,205,206,207,208,209,210211,212,213,214,215,216,217,218,219,220221,222,223,224,225,226,227,228,229,230,231,232,233,234,235236,237,238,239,240,241,242,243,244,245,246,247,248249,250,251,252,253254,255,256,257,258,259,260261,262,263,264,265,266,267,268,269270271272273,274,275,276277,278,279280,281,282,283,284285,286,287,288,289290,291,292,293294,295,296,297,298,299,300301,302,303,304,305,306,307,308,309,310,311,312,313314315,316,317,318,319,320,321,322,323,324,325,326,327,328,329,330,331,332,333,334,335,336,337,338,339,340,341,342,343,344,345,346,347,348,349,350,351,352,353,354,355,356,357,358,359360,361,362,363,364,365,366,367,368,369,370,371,372,373,374,375,376,377,378,379,380,381,382,383,384,385,386,387,388,389,390,391,392,393,394,395,396,397,398,399,400,401,402,403,405,406407408409,410,411,412,413,414415,416,417418,419,420421,422,423,424425,426,427428,429,430,431,432,433434,435436437,438,439440,441,442,443,444,445,446447,448,449,450451,452,453,454,455,456457,458,459460,461,462,463,464465,466467468,469,470,471472,473,474,475,476,477,478479,480,481482,483,484485,486,487,488,489,490,491,492,493,494,495,496,497,498,499,500,501,502,503,504,505,506,507,508,509,510,511,512,513,514,515,516,517,518,519,520,521,522,523,524,525,526,527,528,529,530,531,532,533,534,535,536,537,538,539,540,541,542,543,544,545,546,547,548,549,550,551,552,553,I'MWILLIAMMONTYHUGHESHAHAYOUNEVERFOUNDTHISCARLWHEELEREATSASSTURDS554,555,556,557,558,559,560,561,562,563,564,565,566,567,568,569,570,571,572,573,574,575,576,577,578,579,580,581,582,583,584,585,586,587,588,589,590,591,592,593,594,595,596,597,598,599,600,601,602,603,604,605,606,607,608,609,610,611,612,613,614,615,616,617,618

If you can read this review, in the exact form I intended, then my plot has succeeded. The chances of this review being posted on "Xkcdsucks" free of modification is... Astronomical. There are literally googolplexes of imperfect alternate realities parallel to our own where Carl "Ugly" Wheeler did NOT post this review. Where fascism rules supreme.

This world, is not one of them. Fortunately. Fate (and my own considerable literary talent) have blinded Wheeler and he has been tricked like the drunkard oaf that he is.

Incidentally, today's "Xkcd" was HILARIOUS, like all those before it and all after. As a Linux user (which grants me not only familiarity with the theme of the comic, but also additional significance to my opinion) and an intellectual, I deem it... "funny". Anyone who cannot appreciate the unadulterated "awesome" that is this specific comic is obviously too idiotic to perceive it. And, as most know, idiots do not have valid opinions. They shall be ignored, as they should be.

Farewell, foes and friends.


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Great thanks to Billium again for sending me this in my hour of need. I trust that it is complete; if there is any element to the review left unsaid please fill it in yourself in the comments. Now - to the terrarium!

Comic 618: Can't They All Just Blow Up

just wanted to make sure we had a record of this. Apparently those times we thought "wow, this seems thrown together five minutes before midnight" were correct.

How much do you want to bet the comic will be about conventions? update: Good thing no one bet with me.
late update: oh hey, TomR sent me his post. let's see what he says.



Hey, I'm TomR. Youll probably know me more from the CouldBeBetter forums than the blog, because Internet Explorer hates Blogger, and I'm not going to change browser just for one site, especially when most sites are designed for IE in the first place (TO Carl - maybe not put this in because people be angry and like "NOOO USE FIREFIX BECAUSE I HAVE NO FRIENDS")(tomr - you should use firefox, dammit! also, I have no friends. --carl).

So, comic 618.

Right, the first thing about this comic is that it's a reference to something. And if you don't know what it's talking about, then don't even bother reading today's strip. We don't need your kind here. Hey, WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE? That's right folks, xkcd number 50!



I've been seeing a lot of this shit in xkcd lately what with the whole pep rall thing then the Idiocracy and sheeple comics. Apparently Randall can't make up his mind about things.
I'm beginning to think Randall ghostwrites for, or will be writing for, Cracked. They use an xkcd comic in this article (last night when I read this it was uncredited, so I was thinking all "but didn't they do all that shit when people used THEIR articles without permission? Hypocrites! Hey, like xkcd!" and that's where this paragraph came from, but now they've put a little "thanks xkcd" thing in there, which makes it maybe a little better, but the idea is still floating about in my head), both sites have a bunch of sycophants following the links to whichever site the writers found and think they are better than everyone else, both make mountains out of molehills, and both are shit.

Anyway, back to the comic. There are two ways to make a reference to something: the right way, and the Family Guy way. The right way is to make it a throwaway line, and give it contet so that people who don't get the reference can laugh at the base joke, or at the very least not be confused. Then there's the Family Guy way: just slap it in there, and if someone doesn't get it then, well, they're a moron. Guess which way Randy did it?

The joke isn't up to much even if you do get the reference: Armageddon (or Deep Impact, which is supposedly the better film because it is more scientifically accurate, even though Armageddon is much more fun. The critics claim Deep Impact is better, but they also claim that Wild Hogs is shit and The Dark Knight is great, so what do they know. Of course, Randy had to choose Deep Impact to keep up his nerd cred.) Except it turns out that there was a friendly boy on it who just wanted to be friends! D'awwww!

Jesus fucking Christ Randall, why not just draw the fucking Teletubbies and have done with it.

Comic 617: Current Events Are Always Funny

Your friendly neighborhood Rob here, filling in for Carl on uploading Lompta's treatment of 617, which is an abysmal wreck of a comic that should be wiped off the face of the earth! Let's see what Lompta has to say.

This is a surprisingly difficult comic to mock, mostly because there's no joke to attack in the first place. Randall briefly recaps something that was recently in the media spotlight, throws in the fact that alcohol can lead to irresponsibility, and calls it a night. Nothing is particularly funny about either of these tactics. It's pretty well established that people can act stupid when they're sufficiently drunk. It's also pretty well established that Obama is a fancy guy for deigning to step out of his magical presidential realm to solve a high-profile conflict. The alt-text is equally disappointing, because it's yet another observation that everyone has noticed before. Yes, graduate students understand alcohol from an experiential standpoint, just like current events do in fact happen and strong drinks can get you into trouble.

I think this comic actually says a lot about where xkcd has gone. Randall often makes strips obscure enough that people will feel smart for getting them (or just for reading them anyway, because it's a thing for smart people to do), and yet he still apparently feels the compulsion to make a joke about every major current event. One of the strengths of early xkcd was that it was so random, that it made good jokes but also wasn't afraid to be surreal. Comics like this one totally undermine that. Randall doesn't even have anything to say about the beer summit, really. He's a fan of Obama, and maybe just wants to remind everyone that he did a cool thing. So he draws a parallel, I guess, except that even that fails.

The structure of the comic, as far as I can tell, is supposed to go something like this: racist accusation (based on prior knowledge of encounter) leads to jail for single black professor, just as tequila leads to jail for black professor, policeman, and president. Other than the visual of people in a cell, though, there's really no parallel at all. If anything, it trivializes the difficulty Gates faced in the whole situation. Comparing an innocent man being jailed to rampant irresponsibility being punished is insulting, and also not funny.

And while I'm at least vaguely on race, it seems like a pretty stupid topic to cover in xkcd, because you can't even tell what color anyone is. The only way a reader can understand the core issue of the beer summit is if they already know about it, so in a year or so nobody will have any idea what's going on in this comic at all. From an outsider perspective, it looks like the president randomly stepping in to mediate an argument between a mysterious man in glasses and an anonymous policeman.

Also, the structure of the weak joke makes it even weaker. The punch line (I guess) of the three men in jail should come directly after the frame of Obama facing the tequila. Our imaginations are way better than Randall's art at thinking of the trouble they could have got in, and riding in a limousine shouting out of the sunroof is kind of cliche/lame to begin with.

Also, I don't think you can't put the president in jail anyway, at least not while he's still president, so this doesn't even make sense. That's a small weakness compared to the rest of them, but worth mentioning.

I guess I can only say so much beyond the fact that there isn't even a joke worth mocking. It also doesn't make sense in general or make any point that isn't conventional wisdom, but neither of those are necessarily essential for a webcomic. There's nothing here but the hope that people will find it ridiculous and therefore funny, mostly just because it's Randall Munroe saying it. He's a smart guy, but this comic is more than enough proof that he gets away with too much.

Or maybe he doesn't. Now that I've glanced at the forums, it appears that even the fans aren't happy with this one.

That's enough for this lurker. Lompta out.