"[a] vitriolic and bitter collection of unwarranted nastiness about a silly and harmless comic."
Welcome. This is a website called XKCD SUCKS which is about the webcomic xkcd and why we think it sucks. My name is Carl and I used to write about it all the time, then I stopped because I went insane, and now other people write about it all the time. I forget their names. The posts still seem to be coming regularly, but many of the structural elements - like all the stuff in this lefthand pane - are a bit outdated. What can I say? Insane, etc.
I started this site because it had been clear to me for a while that xkcd is no longer a great webcomic (though it once was). Alas, many of its fans are too caught up in the faux-nerd culture that xkcd is a part of, and can't bring themselves to admit that the comic, at this point, is terrible. While I still like a new comic on occasion, I feel that more and more of them need the Iron Finger of Mockery knowingly pointed at them. This used to be called "XKCD: Overrated", but then it fell from just being overrated to being just horrible. Thus, xkcd sucks.
Here is a comic about me that Ann made. It is my favorite thing in the world.
first!
ReplyDeleteThere have been a lot of really really awful XKCD comics lately, but this one just boggles the fucking mind.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you need a virgin mind to understand it.
ReplyDeletecaptcha: aperrif. The alcoholic's preprandial.
I just genuinely don't understand the point the original comic is trying to make. I mean yes, sports do generate numbers which, if viewed completely in isolation, could be considered "random" but, umm ... so do most things.
ReplyDeleteHell you could make a decent argument that an alternative caption to this comic could be "The Scientific Method".
If we take it that sports commentators primarily discuss what they view players do on the field (there is actually more than this but it's only added to this visual and aural stimulus; the statistics and off-field stuff like injury time and sport politics do not replace it), then the entirety of reality is reduced to a string of discrete numbers.
ReplyDeleteWhich is fucked over by quantum.
Fuck you, Randy.
Great. Now whenever I point out what huge fucking nerds sports fans are, they're gonna think I got the idea from this comic.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, if you're the kind of douchebag who tells other people they aren't real (team name) fans because they don't know the (player)'s (statistic) and jersey number off the top of their heads, not only are you a huge fucking nerd, you're also an idiot.
I'm a virgin and I don't get it either!
ReplyDeleteI think Randall's logic is beyond the understanding of mankind itself
Come the singularity these will all make sense
ReplyDeleteARGH STUPID SPORTS JOCKS I AM SO MUCH SMARTER THAN THEM
ReplyDeletei find sports commentary endlessly entertaining because it is basically just some guys making up inane stories to fill the void caused by all of the fucking downtime in these godawful boring games
ReplyDeleteunfortunately the entertainment value is dampened quite heavily by the fact that the games are in fact so boring
Does the Ravenzomg scale of wordiness take into account the amount of "ink" used for words in comparison to drawings, or just the amount of space they respectively take up?
ReplyDeleteThe former allows you to give an idea of how Randall's art is basically the same as his writing; a series of scribbly lines, lacking substance. The words would almost invariably take up more "ink" than the illustrations.
Check it out dudes sport sucks so much.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIUQw1w5OqM
Nggh.
ReplyDeleteI was just over on a politics site where one of the writers posted this comic - without commentary, mind you - and nothing else. It was just an open thread with Randall's latest magnum dopus at the top.
This is the Internet.
ThePirateKing: It's a measure of words per (10) kilopixels. We all know Randall's a hack, so I figured I'd pick a specific KIND of cop-out to measure.
ReplyDeletegoth girls goth girls they're the girls that go
ReplyDeletebad boys bad boys whatcha gonna
ReplyDelete905: what the fuck? this is like that fucking bacon comic, or the fucking "we can make BABIES!" comic. augh.
ReplyDeleteGOOMHR! I once started randomly drilling holes in my house until it collapsed!
ReplyDeleteI know what xkcd need now! A laugh track!
ReplyDelete"I know what xkcd need now! A laugh track! "
ReplyDeleteHere you go.
@4:13 To see the nerdcore rapper with the geeked-out flow.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous 9:41
ReplyDeleteNo, it's Lease again. The standard model for xkcd now is to replay older strips but make them worse in the process.
We all know he meant to say glory hole.
ReplyDeleteWould somebody please see how much space they can use up with their post? I would like to see that.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous 11:45
ReplyDeleteYou'll notice that he mentions the ball pit in the alt text. He's used this theme of "I'm a giant manchild who doesn't understand that my actions have consequences" a few times now.
905 is so fucking horrible, if this unbelievable shit gets any goomh's i'm gonna power drill some holes of my own
ReplyDelete(captcha: ovelows???)
And we have a winner, Anon 2:35!
ReplyDelete@Ravenzomg
ReplyDeleteActually that would be a myriapixel. 10 kilometres is a myriametre. 10 kilobytes is a myriabyte and 10000 pixels is a myriapixel.
See here.
First!
ReplyDeleteGoatkcd is particularly fantastic today.
ReplyDeleteI think I managed to make XKCD#905 even worse. at least two times in three (I stand by the statement that the first modification makes it infinitely better).
ReplyDelete@John Levi, thank you for linking me to something self-labelled "disallowed and obsolete". Truly you are a king among geeks.
Captcha: corba. Like the snake, but dealdier
The last 3 goatkcds have been pretty hilarious. I swear goatkcd is funnier more often than not nowadays.
ReplyDeleteAt least a weighted random number generator produces substance around which narratives may be built.
ReplyDeleteThat is more than I can say for this critique and subsequent comment string.
Sheesh!
If you needed to know how to silence me, this is a sure way to do it.
#905 is much improved by leaving the state of Rany's house and what caused it to the (much better) imagination of the reader... Here's a fixed version.
ReplyDeleteI think 905 deserves some kind of award for having the longest, most unnecessary, most destructive and intelligence-underestimating post-punchline dialogue EVER. What's worse, I think the joke could have actually worked. It's definitive: Randall doesn't know how to write.
ReplyDeleteBut, say what you will, today's comic STILL doesn't have a line of dialogue as stilted and unnatural as "I don't know what you just said because I was thinking about Batman".
GOOMHR I...
ReplyDeleteoh wait, I haven't become wealthy enough through selling t-shirts online to afford a house of my own yet
back to studying
Get out of my house, Randall.
ReplyDeleteGOOMHR, I drill holes in my walls to stick my dick in too!
ReplyDeletePresumably you use a Spade Bit rather than a Trepan Bit - yes?
ReplyDeleteInnit?
BP tells me a Trepan bit works well if you need to root out the Pox.
BP tells me it's time to switch to solar power. And you, ALTF, are in the dark.
ReplyDeleteSo BP is your imaginary friend too?
ReplyDeleteHe's such a profligate roué!
I am indeed in the dark - I'm always the last to know.
The sun fuses 584,000,000 tonnes of hydrogen into helium every second through nuclear reactions. And 99% of this nuclear energy output is wasted! The sun's just pissin' away a non-renewable resource for no good reason whatsoever. If the sun made more effective use of solar panels it could do without nuclear power altogether.
Pfft. I think Randall meant to say glory hole. Because that's the kind of shit he's into.
ReplyDeleteThe Helium produced is inert so it's basically useless crap and the waste heat is believed to affect the Earth's climate.
ReplyDeleteHardly a noble enterprise.
Innit?
does anyone have a way of blocking altf? i don't know anything about code
ReplyDelete@ R.
ReplyDeleteYou do not need to know anything about code my friend. Delete all the files on your computer that contain the phrase: "System 32".
This will remove me from your sight forever.
hurr hurr hurr
ReplyDeletedo you see the urgency
Well, it appears the Rapture actually happened last Saturday, but it was a pretty low-key event. Only three people were in a sufficient state of grace and they haven't been missed yet. We've now got a thousand years of plague, famine, and war to which to look forward. So we don't have to learn anything new at least.
ReplyDeleteIt's your lucky day.
ReplyDeleteCreate a new bookmark, and as the 'location' paste this in.
javascript:z='Aquarians%20Love%20To%20Fuck';a=document.getElementsByTagName('a');b=a.length;for(c=0;c<b;c++){d=a[c];if(d.innerHTML==z){d.parentNode.style.display='none';d.parentNode.nextSibling.nextSibling.style.display='none';d.parentNode.nextSibling.nextSibling.nextSibling.nextSibling.style.display='none';}%20}void(0);
After the page is loaded, click the bookmark and voila, no ALTF no more
You might want to delete the '%20' near the end, don't know how that got in there
ReplyDeletei will try that later thanks
ReplyDeleteDo you guys really find ALTF that annoying? At least she posts semi-interesting shit, unlike most of you cretins.
ReplyDeleteanon why do you have to say such hurtful things
ReplyDeletewhat have i ever done to you :(
seriously depressed now. i hope you're happy
@1:49 Your post tells me nothing except that you don't know what "interesting" means. Do you enjoy xkcd?
ReplyDeletecaptcha: grayi. grayeru!
Semi-interesting shit?
ReplyDeleteMy dross is banal at best.
Wow...first off, this post really failed to capture the general fallaciousness of the comic.
ReplyDeleteSecond, pretty much everyone posting in the comments is channeling all their dislike of sports into misguided, ignorant assessments of something they don't understand. Guess what? That's *exactly* what Randall did. Congrats. You are now Randall Munroe.
Sports commentary can actually be fairly insightful. A meaningful criticism would be to say that sports statistics are poorly used in areas of prediction. Unfortunately, nobody here seems to know anything about sports.
I can't be bothered to do the count, but I'm pretty sure more people are talking about poking their dicks through holes in the wall than channeling their dislike of sports.
ReplyDeleteIt's like you didn't read the comments at all.
@2:35 Is that really the correct protocol to begin a comparison of Sports Penis Size?
ReplyDeleteOh hey check this out, shitheads, fat people, and R.:
ReplyDeleteCracked.com has an article that (unintentionally) rips into the douchenerds on the xkcd forums!
From the article (which, by the way, is called "the 5 saddest things people do to look smart"):
"If there's someone who's anxiously pushing the conversation toward "intellectual" subjects all the time and seems disgusted at talking about the trivialities of common life, they're less likely to be a brilliant thinker who is beyond childish thoughts and more likely to be someone insecure about their image.
Even more off base are people who notice that smart people tend to be nerdy, and nerdy people tend to like sci-fi and fantasy, and thus play up their love of Star Trek or Joss Whedon or whatever, hoping some of the nerd vibe will rub off on them and add a vague sense of smartness to their image, as if that works."
I read that article earlier today and had a good trolololo xkcdsucks over it. Maybe the author is an xkcdsucks regular.
ReplyDeleteI am unhappy
ReplyDeletelife is about unhappy
ReplyDeleteOh awesome. Another comic that AdBlocker blocks because he has "advertise" in the title. You would have thought that he'd learned the first time but NOOOOOOO.
ReplyDeleteWho believes Wikipedia anyhow--oh wait, Randy does.
@2:35
ReplyDeleteActually, sports commentary is awful at predictions. According to the statistics, you'd have a better chance of picking the winning team by flipping a coin.
Sports commentary exists for extremely dull people who really have nothing to do except dabble in sports, so if there's no football game on, they watch commentary and fantasize about past or future games.
Captcha: uncopt -- the state of a town that's had all its policemen killed