Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Comic 897: Teach Cuddlefish To Understand The Smugness That's Inside

elevator inspection

[Comic title: Elevator Inspection; Alt text: "Even governmental elevator inspectors get bored halfway through asking where the building office is."]

I'd like to first take a moment to note that Randy has stopped drawing Megan as his default female human. This might be a little premature, but it's been two comics, and the female human is his blonde-haired ponytailed female human who, to the best of my knowledge, has no name. If this is a trend and not merely a statistical blip, I'm going to go ahead and take credit. We've managed to make Randy (or, let's be fair, probably his girlfriend) feel so creepy about his obsession that he has changed his default female character's appearance (or been ordered to do so).

With that out of the way: Jesus fucking Christ this comic is boring. "Ha ha ha, I find the idea of elevator inspections boring, it's not like anyone ever looks that shit up, am I right?" I don't even know why this is supposed to be funny. Elevators get inspected. They get maintained. Take it from someone who is in them all the fucking time (rather than, say, Randy, who probably doesn't even leave his house to get groceries).

So! I decided to take a trip to the forodes for this one. They don't seem to think it's funny either--mostly it's "our building's elevator sucks GOOMH"--and at least one person wrote a lengthy "this isn't how things work, inspectors will hunt you down if your permits are out of date." And one person is arguing that Randy is a libertarian, which, not sure if that's the take-home message here, but all right.

Almost a wasted endeavor! However, the forodes have helped me understand why people think this is funny: they are smug cuddlefish who think they are smarter than the world, and Randy is affirming their smug notions by saying "yes, you are right in being smug about your elevators, there is totally no inspection permit." Even though he is lying like the dog he is.

143 comments:

  1. I think the blonde might be named Emily. Too lazy to verify, though.

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  2. I think it's rather telling that there are no comments about this particular comic. By which I mean it is an insignificant waste of time for all involved.

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  3. I actually yawned to death when reading this comic. What a waste.

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  4. You can't yawn to death. Everyone knows that. How stupid would you have to be to think you can yawn to death. Furthermore, if you died, HOW ARE YOU POSING COMMENTS ON THIS BLOG?! YOU ARE SO STUPID THAT YOU SHOULD DIE OF AN ACTUAL KILLY THING LIKE POLAR BEARS!!!!!

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  5. why don't people just build one-story homes, oh that's right, because everyone had too many fucking BABIES, now if all buildings are purely ground-level there won't be enough room for everyone

    god, i HATE people with babies

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  6. So, how long until Randall's new blonde ponytailed neighbour starts to notice his surreptitious attentions? How long thereafter until she thinks she might be able to escape by moving away? Bets currently being taken.

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  7. xkcd is the new wikileaksMay 11, 2011 at 9:17 PM

    Man, he doesn't just say inspections are boring- he's also saying that evil building managers use the fact nobody checks up on them as a trick to avoid having to get inspectors. That's scary. It's so scary. I'm going to print this comic out so many times and tape them next to every "certificate stored in office" sign. The world needs to know about these things.

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  8. This is even more boring than the previous few comics. Thank you for getting up the gumption to review it, Rob, because I wouldn't have been capable of doing so.

    It's like... a really boring conspiracy theory.

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  9. it's sort of like if he made a comic about that urban legend that you can tell when your bread was made by what color the little bread tie thing is. it's false, it's boring, nobody cares, die

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  10. yeah, you people always leave me the really boring ones. i wish there was something interesting to say about it

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  11. What the fuck, Randy? This is neither romance, sarcasm, math, or language. With any luck, the elevator in Randy's apartment is uninspected and he can have the near-death experience that is necessary to make him grow up.

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  12. Someone go convince Randy to make a comic on the bread tie thing.

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  13. I bet if enough people email him a link to an article about it he'll do it.

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  14. it's true! i once emailed him a link about the urban legend that sex is much the same as playing a very easy game of tetris

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  15. What? No, it (the bread tie thing) needs to be on Wikipedia.

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  16. Why am I not surprised that Rob doesn't walk?

    Also, that twist tie thing is (more or less) true.
    http://www.snopes.com/food/prepare/breadtag.asp

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  17. w/r/t the bread thing: it's sometimes true in a way which is completely unhelpful. for the bread that I buy, for instance, either every loaf is made on the same day, or there's no color code. it's only true for a given value of true, and that given value is pretty dubious at that.

    indeed, the core element of the email/articles that circulate about it--the specific color pattern you can use to game the system--is false. an urban legend, if you will.

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  18. Rob, you can't take credit for the new female character, douchebag, Carl was running this site (better) for years before you started defacing it, and he actually made good points regarding Megan's character.

    You're a fucking idiot.

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  19. We actually find out as early as xkcd 84 that the blonde girl's name is Sarah. "Osio Sarah dawado." is Cherokee for "My name is Sarah."

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  20. Introspective, alone...

    A recipient loves not.

    Volition's a pretence!

    Penis violence? A tort.

    Sarcasm, math and elevator inspection anagram rape.

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  21. Ahaha the last paragraph of this is such a transparent attempt to justify the title

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  22. Robdall is fat. Very fat, actually. Get over it.

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  23. Rob, why would you think that Randall has a girlfriend?

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  24. No my post was deleted/eaten. Damn you Rob. You eat like a bulimic, except you don't regurgitate afterwards.

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  25. Was that really necessary, 7:42?

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  26. Since when posting lots of empty space suddenly became okay?

    I don't think it's okay.

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  27. your meme will not become funny no matter how many times you say it

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  28. That's the only time I've said it, cracka.

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  29. R, the point of a meme isn't to be funny. It's obviously to get irritating as quickly as possible. .....and it's still a fail, it's really just overwhelmingly "meh".

    Captcha: Glinglyn. Elven Princess or Silver Dragon. Or Both. You decide.

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  30. How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to us.

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  31. I want to elevate the status of "meh" to as annoying a word as "meme". Maybe I just need to close the doors on "me" issues. Both words really push my buttons.

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  32. Well while we're talking about memes...

    I WARNED YOU ABOUT ELEVATORS BRO! I TOLD YOU DOG!

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  33. "I want to elevate the status of "meh""...

    ...USE AN ELEVATOR!!!

    Elevator joke #7!!!

    Now elevator joke #8: a rabbi, an Irishman and the ghost of Oussama Ben Laden are in an elevator, then the

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  34. An elevator runs into a bar.

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is elevator safety.

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  35. Is everything back to normal now?

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  36. haxx0r3d yo ass, suckas

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  37. That's what I wanted you to think!

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  38. engineers are so great guys

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  39. I thought perhaps Blogspot was down for a faceelevator.

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  40. "Someone go convince Randy to make a comic about the bread tie thing."

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  41. If all the world leaders were engineers, there would be no problems.

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  42. Since when blogspot going down suddenly became okay?

    I don't think it's okay.

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  43. How... ORWELLIAN.

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  44. more like xkcdsucks.blogSUCKS.com, amirite?

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  45. Is this a joke site or something...? Cause like... not only does your interpretation suck, but your assumed superiority and the derisive, pointless labeling of xkcd readers as "cuddlefish" is actually pretty hilarious.

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  46. Ahem, browsing the site some more, I have concluded that I have been trolled. Well done, good sir, well done.

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  47. You don't have a name, so nobody gives a shit what you've concluded. Enjoy your Internets.

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  48. Robdall is fat. Very fat, actually.

    Now everybody shut the fuck up and get over it.

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  49. I walked through the woods
    And what did I meet?
    A bear.

    Tranquility~

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  50. 898 is summation of the xkcd mantra to date

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  51. Haha xkcd readers are so blinded by their randall lust they see critism of his comis as attempts to troll them!

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  52. Rob, I think, said:

    "....With that out of the way: Jesus fucking Christ this comic is boring...."

    Query?
    Why was the 'f' in fucking not rendered as a capital? Did you intend for us to read the word 'fucking' as a verb?

    I always believed that the 'H' in 'Jesus H. Christ represented the word 'Holy'. The initial, in fact, actually represents the word 'Fucking' as it would be pronounced by one missing one's front teeth.

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  53. Me: "He could wield 9" of girthy-goodness with masterly aplomb, but took forever to spend. I could not understand it. I mean, the mechanics and neurologics involved could not really be that much different from those who brandish unfortunate endowment."

    My BFFn: "Perhaps it's structural, you know, like a giraffe throwing up?"

    Innit indeed!

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  54. ALTF my condolences to the guy you've friend-zoned.

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  55. Friend-zoned?
    How can you be so flippant with such a term when poor Jennifer Aniston still hasn't found love?

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  56. I know for a fact 897 is wrong. The elevator in my building used to have its inspection paper posted inside it until recently when it was replaced with one of those messages.

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  57. Basically, this is how XKCD-Sucks works.

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  58. am i the only one that reads an average xkcd (898 is just one) and shouts "oh fuck you randall munroe" at the screen?

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  59. So , i don't know if you noticed, but blogspot was down for a while these past days. Not being able to spend my days trolling the xkcdsucks comment thread under various personalities, I decided to resume working on that novel i had started writing a few years back and never had the courage to finish. I also spent more time with my girlfriend, whom i had been neglecting because I was spending too much time on xkcdsucks. We-rediscovered each-other, made passionate love and we're getting married this summer.

    Alos, I washed the dishes.

    And now, xkcdsucks is back.

    Damn.

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  60. @Rochambeau

    Relax! We are programmed to receive.
    You can check out any time you like,
    But you can
    never leave...

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  61. Wow. Someone has delusions of grandeur. He doesn't draw her for a few days so you assume you've won a victory in your imaginary cold war between XKCD fans and haters?

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  62. It is neither imaginary, nor is it cold, nor even a war.
    It is an extispicious St. Vitus dance of ecstasy between yin and yang.

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  63. @Anon11:33 Are you declaring imaginary war? Because I'll need to put on my imaginary military uniform.

    I'm going to have to warn you that behind my imaginary uniform I'm completely naked.

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  64. @ Anonymous 11:54 AM,

    It was a sign of manfulness and bravery in ancient Greece to engage the enemy in battle in a state of profound undress.
    To engage in a St. Vitus' dance whilst naked was also a sign of bravery - for different reasons, of course.

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  65. so, there was a big comics festival in toronto recently. luminaries such as Jeffrey Rowland attended, but then again, so did the HijinksEnsue fuckwits.

    i wonder if it's possible to guess the quality of somebody's webcomic after 5 minutes of casual chat.

    i have the strong feeling that after 5 minutes with randy or the hijinks ensue idiots, i would sooner die than read their webcomics.

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  66. "i have the strong feeling that after 5 minutes with randy or the hijinks ensue idiots, i would sooner die than read their webcomics. "

    Randy is very much like his webcomic in person: kind of boring, and fond of spouting tidbits of trivia he picked up on Wikipedia. though one gets the feeling that he's actually been camping on some of his trivia for months waiting for a chance to use it.

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  67. UndercoverCuddlefishMay 15, 2011 at 12:22 AM

    "though one gets the feeling that he's actually been camping on some of his trivia for months waiting for a chance to use it."

    so exactly like his webcomic then

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  68. I feel like Randy wouldn't actually hold a conversation, but instead make a series of awkward references to his own comic.

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  69. I feel like Randy doesn't write any new comies, but instead makes a series of awkward references to his own comic.

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  70. To get an idea of what Randall's like in person, it's worth seeing the legendary Aloria-Randall interview. The following is an exact transcription from that interview:

    "But I think and and and maybe it's just I'm too, y'know, thin-skinned or, not secure enough or whatever but, so, so I know that, that's weird. And it's much weirder to have someone who's intent on criticizing everything you do. Um there, there's this movie Defending Your Life... [applause]"

    He has a habit of repeating words when he is nervous. The commas are also added where he paused, not where it would have made grammatical sense to do so. And immediately afterwards he made a movie reference, and immediately he gets applause.

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  71. Since the vast majority of Randall's comics involve his directly or indirectly criticising others, one would expect him to respond with, "I admire and celebrate xkcdsucks for exercising the same right I do."

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  72. No, because we're making fun of the patron deity of nerd culture, and are therefore wrong.

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  73. "I feel like Randy wouldn't actually hold a conversation, but instead make a series of awkward references to his own comic."

    he didn't when I met him. his only acknowledgment that he was the xkcd guy was his nametag (which had a stickman drawn on it). it's possible it's different at XKCD gatherings, but I've never been to one of those.

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  74. Jon Levi, that "applause" is, like, three people slowly clapping their hands.
    Basically, that blog post back then was a good reminder that Randall is actually a person, and probably a nice guy. I actually felt sorry for him, he didn't really seem very happy about being that xkcd guy.

    Doesn't make the comics better, but yeah. It's confusing. Like finding out that Rob listens to good music, and isn't all that fat. Heck, TVTropes would call him adorkable.

    Also, all the xkcdsucks regulars had private conversations with Randall? Awkward.

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  75. My closest brush with webcomics fame was an email from Eli Parker

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  76. @Anon 3:00

    I hope I didn't sound too harsh towards Randall. He probably only does the repeating words thing when he's nervous, and anyone's speech would look silly if you transcribed it exactly.

    I have sympathy for Randall because he did not aim to be internet-famous, it just happened to him. He may not be a good artist if he doesn't try to improve based on criticism, but he never even tried to be an artist in the first place. So yeah.

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  77. He didn't have to stick with it. He can always find something he enjoys doing for a living and do that instead.

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  78. I have not met Randall, nor anyone on this blog [unless I just didn't know it]. WHY AM I MISSING OUT?

    captcha: haikeet. Part witch, part parakeet.

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  79. i've met randy a couple times

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  80. No shit Rob, you see him every time you look in a mirror.

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  81. I believe I canonized that story thank you very much.

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  82. Was that you who wrote the Robdall post? That was a good read.

    Also good fapping material.

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  83. 899: Pretty boring.

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  84. @Rob

    JustScott means that Randall is you.

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  85. As of 899, the last 3 XKCD comics have been some kind of "fact comic", but as well as being boring they're also obviously wrong. The only possible joke would be how wrong they are, and that joke isn't very funny.

    I'm hoping 900 is a big panel saying, "Why didn't you fanboys complain more when the last 3 were objectively terrible?" http://xkcd.com/78/

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  86. 899 has been up for 2 hours and not one cuddlefish has explained the "8 is the largest even prime" joke.

    For those who don't get it: In the imaginary world Randall creates where nothing is larger than 8.5, 2, 4, and 8 are prime because they are all numbers with only 1 prime factor. This is a stupid and incorrect definition of prime, but XKCD tends to be stupid and incorrect anyway.

    Also, cuddlefish are so stupid that they actually debate whether .99...=1

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  87. The joke being that it's using that stupid and incorrect definition of prime makes A LOT less sense to me than it just being randumb humor, "Ha ha, it's funny because it's not true!"

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  88. There should have been a "seven ate nine"joke to cover us dumb fucks who don't give an imploded anal cavity about doing sums outside of the supermarket.

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  89. @Anon11:15 I had to read your post about 10 times to make sure there was nothing I'd missed in it.

    As a mathematics graduate I was considering self-harming because no-one could possibly make a joke that RANDOM AND QUIRKY LOL. I thought it had to be that I'd missed some subtlety in your explanation, a horrible sign of finally losing my mathematical edge.

    But all he's saying is that 8 is prime because it has prime decomposition of form p^n, regardless of n?

    Madre de dios, Randall is truly awful.

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  90. Since when emerging naked from the bathroom of one's hotel suite and chasing the maid suddenly became okay?

    I don't think it's okay.

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  91. Since when calling eight a prime number suddenly became okay?

    I don't think it's okay.

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  92. Obvious samefag is obvious.

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  93. It's the pot calling the kettle black!

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  94. Anons 1:34-->3:14=samefag

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  95. Anons 3:11-->3:15=samefag

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  96. I just wonder how Rob is going to shoehorn Megan in the review of the latest comic.

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  97. with a shoehorn, duh

    Seriously he probably wasn't going to do it but now you've complained about it he's gonna have to really.

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  98. @Timofei "FORBIDDEN REGION" around a pair.

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  99. Rob you fat-ass! I need my bi-daily Morgan slash-fiction!

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  100. The last mathematical proof to make me interested in mathematics was over a year ago. I'm still studying mathematics. I guess I'm no longer in the "target audience". This fact pleases me more than anything Randall has created this past week.

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  101. @Rob

    What were the circumstances of you meeting Randall? Did he know you write for xkcdsucks?

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  102. Booty: Rob IS Randall, isn't that obvious?

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  103. @Booty: central Massachusetts gay bar; no because he was out of his head on amyl. Glad to help.

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  104. booty: randall isn't paralysed

    that should answer your question

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  105. "What were the circumstances of you meeting Randall? Did he know you write for xkcdsucks? "

    there used to be a monthly party called Information Superhighway in Boston (well, Harvard Square, Cambridge, to be precise). it was put on by some friends of mine so I was usually there. Randy also came on at least two occasions.

    I don't know if he recognized me from the blog, but I didn't mention it and neither did he--my suspicion is he just assumed I was some random person. at no point was his comic mentioned.

    my conclusion was that he is the sort of person who might be interesting to talk to over coffee or something but not really the sort of person I am falling over my fat rolls to befriend.

    for a much more exciting story, search for "aloria" in this comment thread and click the clicky.

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  106. That's cool. My assumption would have been that Anon 244 was right, so it's nice to know he's not openly conceited.

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  107. n=.999...
    10n=9.999...
    10n-n=9
    9n=9
    n=1

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  108. Dear Anon 11:15

    In real world, 4=2*2 and 8=2*2*2. Thus, are not primes.

    In Randall's imaginary world, 4=2*2 and 8=2*2*2. Thus are primes?

    What the heck have you been smoking?

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  109. Please have a field day with 899, I'm begging you..

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  110. I like this blog but is there any reason all the timestamps are in some heathen moontime?

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  111. where would one send a guest review for consideration?

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  112. If you ignore the fact that Randall makes a living off of this, and cuddlefish across the land will GOOMH like never before for fuck-knows-what-reason, 899 is not awful. It's just a lame and non-sensical sketch.

    I would not pay for it, but luckily my time is worthless.

    @Anon713: The blog is presumably set for residents of the Western "Hell-Denizen's" coast of the American States. There is no way to reset this without contacting the Bloglord Carl.

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  113. Or you could do some fucking math... OMG GOOMHR!

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  114. @Ravenzomg 6:38

    That's OK, there's no math in this "comic".

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  115. May 13 1:34PM-->May 16 9:56PM=samefag

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  116. So are we working on the assumption that 898 and 899 are suck so hard it's not ever worth pointing out?

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  117. Or the assumption [read:fact] that Rob's mass is achieved critical, so as to render him inert and immovable.

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  118. @SinbadEV 100 turds later, it becomes hard to say anything but, "Yup, another turd."

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  119. Whether our friend Rob has achieved critical mass or not is of no consequence. His inert status, however, renders him an excellent excipient - and we can all benefit from a spoonful of sugar now and again.

    Innit

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  120. 7:36: just send an e-mail to rob. click his profile

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  121. dear god, with this newest comic we need you more than ever: http://xkcd.com/899/

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  122. 899 has spawned what might be the worst rash of xkcd-related Wikipedia vandalism ever (malamanteau is the only other contender). 47 edits in 4 hours before the article was locked.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=List_of_numbers&action=history

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  123. What are we to glean from your absence of late, Rob?
    Are we to assume you have entered a form of intellective cryptobiotic stasis as a response to the prevailing pedestrian predicament of this handy comments facility?

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  124. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

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  125. I came here to say "the latest xkcd is so bad that even renowned trollcomic Abstruse Goose has a better latest installment than it" but that isn't actually true :(

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  126. @ Anonymous 1:44 PM,

    "Oderint Dum Metuant"

    Hate maketh Rob and yours truly stronger.
    BP says I should also add:

    Redjac! Redjac! Redjac!

    Apparently y'all will know what this means. I do not.

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  127. I defend XKCD #899 in principle. In execution... well, let's just say... uh.... yeah. I got nothing.

    Carry on.

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  128. Shut the fuck up.

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  129. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dumb deodorant mutant.

    SHUT THE FUCK UP.

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  130. @Raven:
    Noone cares.

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  131. Speaking of the execution of xkcd (n the immortal words of John McKay, "I'm in favor of it"), this gem from the forum has almost been lost amidst all the ".99... vs 1" foolishness:

    "
    Randall tragically died two years ago, but he coded a program to automatically draw stick figures and attach to them jokes in the form of a tri-weekly comic. Unfortunately, Randall was not half the programmer he thought he was.
    "

    Readers of this blog may want to discuss the applicability of "tragically", but note that if true, this would mean that
    1) there would be no end of xkcd, and
    2) it would never get better.

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  132. "in the immortal words..."

    Now this blog is sucking up vowels.

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  133. You're sucking up air.

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