Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Comic 903: Cuddlefish! A Smugness So True, My Pandering Will Pull Us Through

extended mind

[Comic title: Extended Mind; alt text: Wikipedia trivia: if you take any article, click on the first link in the article text not in parentheses or italics, and then repeat, you will eventually end up at "Philosophy".]

Little to say about this one: Randy once again admits that he relies on Wikipedia for all of his ideas. Woo. Also, I think someone posted this the comment threads (but maybe it was on our IRC channel, which is #xkcd-sucks on foonetic), but apparently this "philosophy" thing was on Reddit some weeks back. Which is also not surprising.

But that's all this is. 'Without Wikipedia I am a lot dumber.' GOOMH-bait and a confession that without Wikipedia, Randy is incapable of having any thoughts. It controls his life. It's a small wonder that his fanboys are so obsessive about vandalizing Wikipedia to praise the great one. Cuddlefish have a parasitic relationship to Wikipedia, and they hope that by making their host body acknowledge them (and Lord Cuddlefish Randy) they will be able to achieve greatness within the limited context of their sad little world.

Apologies for forgetting to continue the Pokemon theme in the last post. I know you were looking forward to more terrible half-assed lines.



  2. Only 30 points?

    Actually, aside from the post-punchline dialogue/caption (the punchline being "What is a spark plug? Help. What is a car?" and the terrible alt-text, this comic is one of his better ones of late. I found it genuinely amusing.

    I think he's insightfully criticising a generation (myself included) who rely on quick internet searching skills to be "jacks of all trades" when really we don't know what the hell we are doing.

  3. If Randay had left out the 30 points IQ drop thing, you would be correct, anon 12:43. Then it would be an intelligent observation about our generation.

    But, because lactation boy does not have any clue about how IQ is actually measured, he fucks up his own comic (again)! And then he steals his alt-text from reddit.

    Randal-laziness theory confirmed: He had one little idea just before deadline, then he consulted wikipedia/reddit/4chan to get some more stuffing for his comic. And as always, he published his comic without proof-reading, editing or rethinking.

  4. Hey Rob, keep referring to Cuddlefish a dozen times in each review, it's both hilarious and intelligent!

  5. Since when did failing to write Megan fanfic suddenly become okay?

    I don't think it's okay.

  6. I wonder if this comic broke a record for "xkcd comic which prompted the most amount of useless Wikipedia edits"

    It certainly seems to be that way


    Submitted 5 days ago

  8. Of course he knows how IQ is measured; he just uses "IQ" the way it is used in everyday language where logic and knowledge are not sharply distinguished. He does so because it's the only way to make the phrase: "My intelligence drops with [insert number] [insert measurement]".
    So, come on, grant him some artistic freedom. You sound like know-it-all black-and-white-thinking high-school students. (But, yes, stealing from reddit sucks.)

  9. Wow.. I disproved the alt-text in one go. Starting at a particular football manager I ended up in a loop going from Latin - System - Latin.

  10. I made a name for this postMay 26, 2011 at 5:31 AM

    I loled at "true confessions of a milky mind"

    Well done Rob. Well done, everybody.

  11. Anon 5:04, I would gladly grant Randall the artistic freedom if XKCD was not his excuse to act al smug and superior.

    If he does comics like this:; then, hell yes, the Megan-stalker has to be correct about the damn IQ points too.

  12. He says 'apparent IQ'. There is no error.

  13. @12:59 "intelligent" in the sense that it's the sort of thing you notice about a week into using the Internet.

  14. Whatever Legion...

  15. @5:18 Read the alt-text again and follow the directions. It's the first link not in parentheses. I have no idea how you got from Latin->System, but from System, the first non-parenthetical link is to Element (Mathematics). I'm sure there are some loops that don't lead to Philosophy, but just about everybody who thinks they've found an exception isn't following the right procedure.

  16. this horrible forum i go to has a thread on "munroe's law"

    what about munroe's wager? munroe's teapot? munroe's equation? munroe's theory of comedic plagiarism?

  17. "That's only because most of them go through science to get there."

    lol, illogically butthurt geeks on the internet.

  18. Also,

    "Raven lord--> Lord Dunn–Raven Stradivarius --> antique --> collectible --> antique --> collectible...


  19. Megan's Milk ButtonMay 26, 2011 at 8:01 AM

    Someone help me fit this into Randall's misandrynistic world view! I mean, surely a WOMAN is capable of fixing a car, so why is MIKE asking for help?

    Maybe a woman wouldn't NEED help, she's so capable. Or maybe car-fixing is the kind of dirty work better left to men, so women can keep sciencing.

    Or maybe a woman is using her boyfriend's IM client, and this is in Randall's mind an invitation to save her from her boyfriend (who cannot help her fix a car) and do sex on her.

  20. OR Mike is short for Mikaela

  21. Yesterday I noted that Randall is so fucking stupid that he managed to give a counterexample, "italics" ("Italic type"), in his own statement of his own observation. I checked the article again today.

    Since then, changed the first sentence of "Typesetting" to read "Typesetting is the composition of text material", i.e. added the completely unnecessary linked word "material".

    Seeing how stupid that sounded, but determined not to offend his God Randall, Old Moonraker turned "text" into a link to "written language". correctly removed the inappropriate link and had his edit reverted with the accusation that he was engaging in vandalism.

    So I just want to say that and Old Moonraker receive the annual prize for the biggest pair of sycophantic twats the Internet has to offer. And, whoever he or she may be, is a quiet hero who shall not be forgotten.

  22. Oddly enough, ALT-F makes a good point about this comic. In reboot, I mean. That IQ != knowledge. I could cite what I think is a classic example of such, but I think that would be pretty much wasting my time, in this blog.

    So I'll just point out Randall has one heck of a stupid hive-mind for a fandom. I'd be scared by that, but all they know is to defend Randall's shit of an opus with stupid arguments and non-arguments, so it's fine.

  23. I refuse to believe that the whole of the XKCD fanbase is composed of sycophantic meat-sacks. Maybe more like, what, 1%? I hope so. I really do. Because I once liked XKCD.

  24. @Anon12:54 some of the early xkcd comics were OK.

    Similarly, Jesus was all right.

    But his disciples were thick and ordinary.

  25. "Lord Cuddlefish Randy"

    This popped out at me, and it needs to become an epic fanfic. I don't mean epic in the colloquial sense of "really cool," but a literary epic on par with the Iliad. I can only begin to imagine The Great One commanding his vast horde of drooling neck-bearded cuddlefish; i think i have a boner.

  26. I very much enjoy that many of the articles I searched for on wikipedia are protected because of Randall's stupid fans

  27. @Joeh, you give them too much credit. As many have said, XKCD is not the first to mention this game.

  28. Considering the dates of the edits I think it's safe to say they are related to this. The one edit was commented, "edited for xkcd"

  29. What's wrong with a large portion of you people? Doesn't Wikipedia have an entry for the word "apparent"? Try checking a dictionary.

  30. That's the saddest part. Rather than doing what nerds, by right, ought to do, and delighting in the exception to a rule that was asserted without backing by an "authority," they are instead attempting to alter reality so that their beloved authority figure was never wrong.

  31. Oh no. Someone has said "neck-beard."

    On an aside, this blog lacks jeremiads. Plural. (This is the word for the evening.)

  32. Ooh, new xkcd.

    It sucks.

    Well, what's new?

  33. Looks like that's presented as a criticism of sports, yet by the purported ideals of xkcd it should read as a glorification. I'd be confused if I gave a crap.

  34. Randy, content and complacent in his dreams of Megan's delicious milk, awoke with a start. Oh, what a nightmare! He tried his best to recall what exactly happened and almost drew a blank. Still sweating with a pungent stench of nacho cheese, Lord Randall concentrated on the lactation.

    As a new panic attack surged through his psyche, the dream came back with a renewed fervour! Megan's boyfriend, the accursed "Mike", the man so dim-witted, who would NEVER understand his Megan the way Randall oh so would... the plebian. The man who failed to consult Wikipedia's "List of common misconceptions" when he humiliated Randall. He asked "So why don't you nerds evolve us good backs if we're so better than monkeys, it's just a theory!". Megan laughed.

    That bastard has her under his wicked spell. Typical captain of the football team type. Graduated college with a business degree, earns a respectable salary in an office. Dabbles in sketches and drawings in his spare time. The scumbag will never understand what it is like to be a SCIENTIST, like Lord Cuddlefish Randall, esq.

    And he needed help with his car! NOW! Now was Randall's time to shine! It was lost on him that nobody would whip their internet enabled phone out while looking under the hood of their car. Mike had fixed the car hours ago in reality, and wanted to trick Randall into pretending he knew about cars. He had plans of his own to impress Megan. But all of it was foiled; Randall's precious Wikipedia was down, and his expectant loins were as impotent as his once boundless knowledge. The trap was never sprung, but Randall was humiliated all the same. And in this dream, these events played side by side with how the universe SHOULD be. Randall would RIGHTLY slay this "Mike" character and form INTELLECTUAL CHECKMATE by explaining spark plugs with his expert knowledge!

    Mike would stand down in defeat, leaving Megan's luscious nipples and her soon to be hot daughter all for Randall. Mmmm. Randall licked his lips as he exhaled in orgasm one last time.

    "That's a pretty good game from reddit. I'll add that and nobody will ever know. You've done it again, Randy!"

    Capcha: conscre.

    the present tense verb form for the act of randall living out his milk fixation with his new bride, megan

  35. Candy, intent and impatient with his dreams of Segal's mendicious silk, awoke with a fart. Oh, what a light care! He tried his breast to recall what exactly happened and blew blanks. Still beating to a cummy aroma of farty peas, Lord Candle concentrated on the erection.

  36. 904: Also, quantum mechanics.


    captcha: colmedan. Also, a joke about sportswear.

  37. Am I the only one whose brain has decided Randall = Wil Wheaton? Two actors playing nerds, passable for a short while. But should have shut the fuck up and faded into obscurity long ago.

  38. Randy found a way to be all superior and smug about sports too. I do not care...

  39. "also D&D" = nerd reference quota filled

  40. Wouldn't something like sabermetrics, or Opta statistics, or Ken Pomeroy's basketball analysis, be right up Randall's alley? I'm confused, probably because I'm looking too deep into a comic purely created to help justify the average high school nerd's quiet superiority complex.

  41. "also any video game ever".

    Everything is numbers!



    (Leaves a bad taste, too.)


  43. Here's a story from the biggest news website in Israel:

    "Randall Munroe, legendary webcomic writer and (26 y.o.) creator of xkcd, perhaps the best comic on the internet- assuming you're nerds, advanced maths students, or ex-NASA roboticists, like him- likes to hide the best parts about it. For example, if you go over last night's comic with your cursor, you'll find Munroe planted an interesting fact in the tooltip..."
    What's wrong, xkcdsucks?

  44. UndercoverCuddlefishMay 27, 2011 at 6:04 AM

    lol legendary

    i guess there is a reason i do not consult israel for my news

  45. a jew and UndercoverCuddlefish, you both made my day.

  46. how is randall a nasa roboticist
    he said himself all he did was write code for meaningless tasks and wasn't even that good

    and apparently he doesn't even do his own site code, like for april fools and stuff?

  47. Randall's an aspie idiot, no two ways about it.

    He even supports furries!

  48. I googled "Israel Randall Munroe" and got this. Fuck this internet with a hot iron.

    Also this video of him giving a talk, and all I have to say is I liked the host better.

  49. Re: Anon 8:18

    I have asperger's syndrome. Don't drag me down with Randall.

  50. Купи евтена виагра виагра viagra §12.44 на един!

  51. What does that comic have to do with handling peace talks? Those Jews can't even read no wonder they've had to depend on holocaust pity all these years.

  52. I think it's time someone added a "Criticism of Randall Munroe" section to the "Randall Munroe" article on Wikipaedia. To quote the talk page:

    [o]Moreover, it sounds like Randall Munroe was a *student worker* at NASA. When I was in college, I was a student worker in a state econometrics bureau. I guess that makes me a "former government economist and statistician?" -- Jordan Bettis (talk) 17:50, 6 August 2010 (UTC)][/i]

  53. Rochambeau the thirdMay 27, 2011 at 5:51 PM

    The new xkcd comic is funny, yes, you heard me, genuinely funny. The joke is in the caption, in the caption, not before or after the caption. And the comic is true, so very true.

    So i guess, kudos?

  54. @3:14: I know, right? I'm starting to see more than a small link to L. Ron Hubbard here. It's only a matter of time before he starts his own "Religion". What would it be? XKCDology? Cuddlefishery? Fauxnerdism?

  55. On today's xkcd: Randall still doesn't understand sports but hates them because people who were skilled in them made fun of him in high school.

  56. Of course he doesn't like sport. That's how it goes. Jocks always think about sport, nerds always think about sex. Speaking of which...

    On Sex With Randall

    Plunged betwixt my labia:
    The sweet gift of romance.
    The memory of Kaylee
    Enthrals his timid lance.

  57. Rob, we are never short of terrible half-assed writing as long as you are writing anything at all.

  58. _Randall's lament_

    A damsel with a solder gun
    Through a keyhole I once saw:
    It was the dawn of my crusade
    As with her pencil locks she played
    Reinstalling Fedora.

    Could I derive within me
    Her boyfriend's manly schlong
    With such deep delight 'twould win her
    That with member wide and long,
    I would sip those domes so fair,
    Those leaking domes! Her cave of ice!
    And all the jocks would see me there,
    And I would cry, "I smell her hair!"

    Weave a comic out of stick,
    And shake my fist with jealous dread,
    For he on labia hath fed,
    And drunk the milk of my dream wife.

  59. I went to the crossroad, fell down on my knees
    I went to the crossroad, fell down on my knees
    Asked the Lord above "Have mercy, now save poor Bob, if you please"

    Never mind me.
    I'm just a yellow girl, singing the black man's blues with the red man's voice in the white man's world.

  60. I look inside myself and see my heart is black, I see my red door and must have it painted black.

  61. And lead guitars and movie stars get their tongues beneath your hood.
    You're a star fucker, star
    fucker, star fucker, star fucker, star

  62. #904 is seems to me an indication that Randall is losing touch with the distinction between the old guard of nerdhood and the new pseudo-nerdhood he had a large part in creating.

    In my, albeit limited, experience with the new wave of nerds and pseudo-nerds, it seems that it is not fashionable anymore to take pride in a dislike of sports. Many even seem to genuinely like sports (especially soccer/football).

    From where I stand, the panel panders to old school nerds, while the alt-text seems to be apologizing to the new nerds and pseudo-nerds. The new pseudo-nerds I have met seem to only have a passing knowledge of D&D, if any...

  63. jagwio said:

    ".....Many even seem to genuinely like sports (especially soccer/football)......"

    Speaking of which, in less than 15 minutes the genetically superior Barca will trounce Rooney and his inbred nongrels with aplomb.

    Old school nerds, by the way, have never heard of D&D - it was developed years after they reached puberty - it's all: 'Atomic this' and 'Gamma Ray that'. It is all a matter of temporal perspective - innit?

  64. @altf If you're a nerd then I'm a banana. You're as much a wannabe as any Randallite.

  65. Banana?
    No thanks. I prefer the plantain - longer, stronger and girthier.

    Anglophones would not consider me to be a nerd - and rightly so.

  66. Messi and the Gods - 3
    Rooney and the Cunts - 1

  67. ALT-F is a banana. Yellow on the outside, white on the inside...

    Hah! She wishes!

  68. Caucasoids are cunts!
    I prefer to be tawny on the inside - and I am.

  69. Actually, Mr. Iniesta, I am an F.O.B.
    I am neither "juk sing" nor a "Banana" simply because I am neither Chinese nor was I born in the West. I was born in Manadalay, or On The Road there to. Or so I've been told.

  70. Oooops!
    Me Mam's gonna beat me for that.

  71. This would be a pure disaster
    Life spent on the surface for you
    I need the waves
    The deep escape
    I need the waves
    The deep, deep, deep, deep


  72. As the years plod on, it becomes ever more obvious that Britain was stupid to abandon half its empire (and even more stupid to hand the other half over to the US). Fetch me my slippers, ALTF, and give me a massage. No talking unless you're suggesting what you're going to cook.

  73. You don't need to be Chinese to be yellow. Neither do you need to be born in the West to desire to be white.


    Where Randall likely got his inspiration, if anyone cares

  75. Ach, the forum thread for 904 is the dumbest in a while.

    It starts with a two-word reply, quoted here in its entirety. "So true." Really? Are some xkcd fans so like "Ooh, I just wanna write the first reply to a comic thread." that they come up with meaningless crap just to do so?

    Hang on, this reply is worse:

    "Wait, did Randall just prove that D&D is equivalent to mainstream sports? Sweet!"

    NO! He used an abstraction to an analogy that describes both. I could use the same argument to 'prove' that the Xkcdsucks blog and the xkcd forums are equivalent. Like this. Hurr hurr, I must be a genius like Randall if I could do that.

    Some pedants have pointed out that the dice used in D&D are not weighted. Others have argued that it's a pun on the word weight. Seems like over-interpretation to me.

    Now, here's a six-layer quote pyramid.

  76. Did Robdall change the XKCD from friday? I feel like there were a lot more panels when I first read it. Like, going around to a bunch of different parts of the news broadcasting. Maybe just dreaming of a better comic last night? I don't know.

  77. Honolulu baby,
    Where'd you get those eyes?
    And that dark complexion
    I just idolize?
    Honolulu baby,
    Where'd you get that style?
    And those pretty red lips,
    And that sunny smile?

  78. That's true Aqu., I always forget about those guys. Come to think of it, this is probably the fourth wave at least...

    Still, I think he is doing a bit of fence-sitting here.

  79. @tstarter

    Nope, you were dreaming of a better comic.