Sunday, June 19, 2011

Comic 913: Journey To The Center Of Lameness

core

[Comic title: Core; alt text: "If you're a geologist or geophysicist and you don't introduce yourself by saying your name, then gesturing downward and saying "... and I study that", I don't know what you're doing with your life."]

Once again, Randy makes a spirited effort to make his Wikipedia obsessions appear interesting. "I'm not a shut-in who would rather read about the earth's core than interact with someone on a meaningful level," he is saying. "The earth's core is fucking scary, man! Have you read about it???" I mean, sure, it's probably meant as a joke (can't be too sure with Randy), but this is annoying even by Randy's standards of "LOOK AT ME I'M QUIRKY BECAUSE I AM INTO SCIENCE," for a number of reasons.

First, it's not a remotely new thought. I couldn't count the number of times I've read or seen some fiction or film with some variation on "we are tumbling through the universe at insanely fast speeds on a ball of rock that's orbiting a ball of fire and that's scary/intense." The only difference is Randy has managed to add "...and I'm super geeky for thinking that, ladies!" to the sentiment.

Second, it's just not remotely plausible. While the aforementioned "tumbling ball of rock" things kind of work as an existential crisis, this is just saying "lol science." Sure, there are plenty of people who are afraid of the various apocalypses that could happen to our planet at any moment. "The core of the earth" is not an apocalypse. It's just a part of our planet. It's not going to destroy us. People do not freak out about the bare existence of a thing which is entirely non-threatening.

Third, it's just not funny. It relies far too much on Randy's opinion that the planet is incredibly badass, and assumes we can just get on board with that assumption. If it's so badass obviously we can understand why he'd get freaked out about it. I guess I'm just not enough of a science enthusiast to get behind Randy's boring comic.

Finally, concerning the alt text, I'd like to quote one of our esteemed anonymous commenters from the last thread:

What are you pointing at, dude? Your feet (podiatrist)? The floor itself (architect)? The stuff the covering the floor (textile science/wood science/linoleum science)? Maybe we're outside. Are you pointing at the plants on the ground (botanist)? The soil under the plants (pedologist)? The sidewalk (highway engineer)?

40 comments:

  1. I think my favorite part of this comic is that he draws all of these arrows and labels to try and shit us into thinking that this is totally not something everyone learned in middle school science.

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  2. This comic is awful.
    That's normal.
    This review is pretty OK.
    ... Huh.
    I'm going to guess pressure from the new XKCD SUCKS brought that on.

    Cool.

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  3. I'm glad you have finally given us Anoymni the recognition we deserve.

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  4. You guys how big /is/ obama's penis anyways?

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  5. Ranarius WebfootJune 19, 2011 at 4:33 PM

    Re: the alt text: I've thought the same, but about gynecologists or urologists instead

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  6. Anon152: This comic is awful. That is all the justification you need.

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  7. When I first saw the image I thought the stickman was recoiling from seeing the earth's core as goatse. This is far worse.

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  8. It could be... Look, he's using a book to cover his obvious erection!

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  9. New xkcd is up. I didn't laugh, but the punchline is in the last panel. That counts for something, right?

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  10. ...why does is site exist? I can see not liking xkcd. I can even see occasionally talking about why. But a blog dedicated to tearing apart each and every one with more snobby condescension than even Randall (Sorry, Randy) himself is guilty of? Sprinkle it with weirdly personal attacks on the man and you've got something that reads more like an angry group of school kids than any sort of reasonable critique.

    I could even see the comedic value in something like this, I guess it's the frequency of it that gets me. Do you guys need a hug?

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  11. listen
    i'm going to say this because i'm feeling generous
    nobody here has ever claimed we were writing reasonable critique

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  12. A fair enough point. (Same anon)

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  13. there's a new xkcd sucks?

    Indeed there is, and we've reviewed Monday's comic already.

    http://xkcd-sucks.blogspot.com/

    (Btw, it's XKCD SUCKS, in caps. Anon 1:52 got it right.)

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  14. and why am i supposed to care again

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  15. The punchline is in the last panel, certainly, but I still don't get it. Maybe if I had some clue what the bathtub is supposed to be full of.

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  16. Gamer_2k4, now that you have a picture on your profile i must say you look precisely like the kind of idiot that the handle "Gamer_2k4" leads one to expect.

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  17. Rob, I think it's supposed to be like the creeping sensation some people get (at least I do) when you're on a boat and you realize how far down the ocean floor is. Not that it's funny, but I think you're missing the mark by comparing it to Randy's usual SCIENCE IS AWESOME enthusiasm.

    914 makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

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  18. I usually "get" the xkcd, even if I find it painfully unfunny or don't immediately know some geek culture reference. But, like 12:55 says, I don't fucking get 914 at all.

    Something about alcoholism, livers and ice? Or a bath full of poo and the revelation of Randy's transition from lactophilia to coprophilia, representing a classical transfer of focus in the infant from mother's milk to potty training?

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  19. Gamer_2k4, you realise that the neckbeard is like the universal declaration of arrogant douchery, yes? And I say this as an Englishman who wouldn't normally be heard dead saying "douche". There is never a good reason for choosing to cut your facial hair in that way. And remember always that it is a choice.

    In case you are new and haven't absorbed the full meaning of the neckbeard, consider this post both the strongest advice to browse the Internet for the common characteristics of people with neckbeards and the most impassioned appeal to shave it off immediately.

    captcha: insist. Christ, even the Internet agrees with me!

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  20. Do you even know what a neckbeard is?

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  21. ^--- there's one.

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  22. Holy shit Rob the new XKCDSUCKS is so much better than your site!

    No, seriously, take a look!

    How about that!

    The same thing you're doing, but done well!

    It's as if you grew some talent!

    Bummer, dude!

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  23. You know I need a little break
    To get away for a holiday
    So I can see the sun
    Cos in the sun they say it's fun
    If you get some
    Well I could take a train or a boat or an aeroplane
    Or I could steal a car
    Cos in a car you can go far
    Just depends on what kind of car you are

    La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
    What kind of car you are
    La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

    I met a funny looking girl
    On a crowded beach in Spain
    Her name was Avaline
    She said she came to Spain to have a good time
    But she was with her mum
    Who had a face like a nun in pain
    She said her name was Dot
    She didn't half talk a lot
    I couldn't tell if she was mad or not

    La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
    La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

    Don't you know - I should have stayed in England
    On my polluted beach - with all my special friends
    Don't you know - I should have stayed in England
    With my big house and my big car
    And all my friend are there at the bar

    La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
    La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

    You know I need a little break
    To get away for a holiday
    So I can see the sun
    Cos in the sun they say it's fun
    If you get some
    Well I could take a train or a boat or an aeroplane
    Or I could steal a car
    Cos in a car you can go far
    It just depends on what kind of car you are

    La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
    What kind of car you are
    La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

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  24. Instead of waking up in a bathtub of ice with a missing kidney, the joke is waking up in a bathtub of kidneys with a mssing bag of ice.
    This feels like it would be received better in a better comic without shit drawings, because the joke feels actually strong.

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  25. @3:07 Thanks. Snopes article "You've got to be kidneying" mentions that there was a forward-this-hoax e-mail thing going on back in 1997 about waking up in a bathtub of ice with a missing kidney, but I obviously missed or forgot it and haven't heard it since. Maybe the joke rings more true in the organs-are-for-profit-not-for-people USA.

    I'm not sure this makes the strip any funnier to me, but I can at least appreciate why others might raise an eyebrow. Perhaps it's my disturbed mind, but I get this horribly convoluted image of someone waking up with a My Little Pony stuck under his foreskin and the sentiment, "HAHA IT'S LIKE MALE RAPE EXCEPT SOMEONE PUT THEIR ASS IN YOUR COCK RATHER THAN THEIR COCK IN YOUR ASS." Also I realise a pony is a small horse not a small donkey but I am sticking with Randy levels of imprecision.

    In particular, it would have helped if he'd taken five seconds to look at a picture of a kidney to identify where the artery, vena cava and ureter are connected. Then I'd have at least recognised them as kidneys. Medicine's not a hard science though so it doesn't really matter right?

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  26. 914 isn't funny, my brother died that way.

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  27. It took me 2 whole minutes to recognize those as kidneys. Maybe that wouldn't happen if the last panel wasn't the smallest of the four.

    Composition: you fail it, Randy.

    (Captcha: rhined. I rhined that I so rhonrey.)

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  28. ooooh, bath full of kidneys. ofc. not a bath full of shits, which is what i thought it was at first. that makes very slightly more sense i guess.

    of course, i still just think the concept of going out to buy ice is amusing - have these people not heard of freezers? (i realise people do this in the uk too, and its just as silly here.)

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  29. "I'm not sure this makes the strip any funnier to me, but I can at least appreciate why others might raise an eyebrow. Perhaps it's my disturbed mind, but I get this horribly convoluted image of someone waking up with a My Little Pony stuck under his foreskin and the sentiment, "HAHA IT'S LIKE MALE RAPE EXCEPT SOMEONE PUT THEIR ASS IN YOUR COCK RATHER THAN THEIR COCK IN YOUR ASS." Also I realise a pony is a small horse not a small donkey but I am sticking with Randy levels of imprecision."
    ^ for the record, laughing at that is not something you want to have to explain in the middle of the office...

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  30. I thought the bath was full of bloodied ice AND he was also holding his own kidney in his hand. So yeah, +1 to that last image being incomprehensible.

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  31. WTF they were kidneys?! I mean sure now i know i can see the resemblance... but WTF they were kidneys?!

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  32. Hey, if you are going involve My Little Pony in Randall's comics, at least do it right!

    1. Guy and girl are getting ready for the party. Girl says: everything is ready, except we ran out of cupcakes.

    2. Guy goes out to get some, but is stopped by Pinkie Pie, who says that there's a better party at her place! And there are cupcakes!

    3. Upon arriving at Pinkie Pie's place, the guy discovers that there aren't any cupcakes yet. Pinkie Pie sings him a song about making cupcakes.

    4. The next morning the guy wakes up in a bath with something stuck under his foreskin. Why, it's Rainbow Dash's cutie mark! CUT FROM HER SKIN! Cutie mark is that thing a My Little Pony has on her ass. This is important!

    5. Pinkie Pie appears, covered in blood and wearing a cape, made from pony cutie marks.

    6. "What have you done to me?" the guy pleads.

    7. "Oh, silly!", Pinkie Pie responds, "It's just like male rape, except I put an ass in your cock rather than a cock in your ass!"

    FIN.

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  33. @Timofei I thank you for your detailed elucidation of my fleeting image and hereby offer the position of My Little Pony Consultant, being a consultant for matters related to My Little Pony rather than a small horse who has entered the consultancy business.

    Although if you're a negligible equine that's OK too. I discriminate only on merit.

    Insert more PPD here.

    And finally... a tooltip.

    *sense of contribution to society*

    captcha: citionin. Ask your doctor about relieving the stress of high-rise living.

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  34. Gamer_2k4

    I think you're pretty cool and a nice guy

    (and I know that's not a neckbeard)

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  35. I thought neckbeards were generally the result of decadent laziness rather than arrogance. I never see them on anybody who doesn't seem like the type of person who thinks a quick spray of deodorant is an adequate substitute for a shower.

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