Sunday, August 26, 2012

Comics 1097-1099: The First One Really Sucks

Well, with no guest reviews sitting in my inbox, I guess it's time I got back to the hard work of writing up a shitty one-sentence review for the comics. You brought this on yourselves.

1097. The thing that bothers me about this one: why is there a banana peel on the tarmac? Why is he walking in front of a jet engine? Why is the jet engine so low to the ground? D+

1098. This is occasionally a valid observation, but not a particularly useful one. Especially when it comes to reviews of movies and music. D-

1099. I get the feeling Randy has been reading House of Leaves again recently. He's been making some comics with jokes that hinge on a similar sort of absurd pocket infinity premise. Not terrible, but I actually liked the job interview one and this is just boring. C

225 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. they are all the same thing.

      Delete
    2. Nulono, that's like saying a cake with three ingredients is 3 cakes.

      Delete
  2. great job on the review pal

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks i put a lot of work into it

      Delete
    2. You're so lazy you can't even properly hate a webcomic.

      Delete
    3. Eumesmopo you frothy cunt, you're just bias against Rob's reviews. Of course you're going to hate them.

      Delete
    4. I found Eumesmopo easy to masturbate to.

      Delete
    5. Original Anon 3:16August 27, 2012 at 3:45 PM

      Oh god, what have I started?

      Delete
    6. Please do not use the Lord's name in vain.

      Delete
    7. "God" is not even a proper noun, dipshit.

      Delete
    8. It's really hurtful when you use words like that.

      Delete
    9. I found God easy to masturbate to.

      Delete
  3. http://s1199.photobucket.com/albums/aa475/RecoveringCancerPatient/?action=view&current=anatomy_text.png in the previous post was a better review of 1099

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes it was

      decision finalised by 3 revert rule

      if only real life were as easy to abuse as wikipedia

      Delete
    2. As long as it's as easy as

      I actually had a joke in mind, but I think this sentence sounds funny enough as is.

      Delete
  4. I found comic 109 easy to masturbate to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *1099

      I couldn't quite get a boner from the reference over-saturatedness of 109.

      Delete
  5. I found 3:18's comment easy to masturbate to.

    ReplyDelete
  6. im a human warmth stealer

    ReplyDelete
  7. 1100 is the best Randall has done all year, and perhaps for much longer. Like if you agree.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No. 1100 is terrible. I don't even dislike xkcd as much as most people here, but 1100 is awful.

      Delete
  8. Rob's flappy vagoo produces awful reviews

    ReplyDelete
  9. In before Rob is Fat, and also before ALT-F comes around smelling like she hasn't showered in 50 years. (Odd considering she's only 49)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I hate xkcd because I think it is my intellect that should be praised by legions of less-smart-than-me-but-smart-enough-that-my-superiority-over-them-would-make-me-jizz-in-my-pants people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent Comment.
      Would Read Again.
      A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

      Delete
  11. 1100 is so shitty. it's lazier then robs last 3 reviews

    ReplyDelete
  12. but the WACKINESS. also who is he kidding, none of his audience understand high school football beyond as a reference in movies

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's that game with all those guys who get all the girls, isn't it?

      Delete
  13. guys, does shitty mean "covered in shit" or does it mean "composed at least partially of and/or filled with shit"

    ReplyDelete
  14. 1100 isn't that bad. It's something certain more talented people, like KC Green, might have done, except they would have made it better by using good drawings to back the joke up. Maybe you just don't understand humor. I have a feeling most of you guys would have been down on the Marx Brothers if you had been their contemporaries.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i've always found it fascinating the random names people pull out as synonyms for the best possible comedians in the world.

      Delete
    2. Gone down on them, perhaps.

      Oh, the reciprocation with those ticklish 'taches!

      On a less serious note, I performed a sustained watching of the Three Stooges for the first time last night. It has a certain relaxing sweetness to it - not nearly as awful as I'd expected it to be.

      Delete
    3. Uh... none of the Marx Brothers had moustaches during their performing careers, except for Groucho, whose moustache was greasepaint. I've had greasepaint smeared over my crotch before. I wouldn't say it was ticklish.

      Delete
    4. Wait, are we implying that Groucho Marx might not be one of the greatest comedians of all time? Because I thought we were supposed to be standing shoulder to shoulder in our crusade for good taste. I'm a little disillusioned here.

      Delete
    5. i'm not making any judgments on quality, merely that i don't think you will ever drop a name that people actually universally agree is funny, yet people keep on trying.

      Delete
    6. There's a joke in 1100?

      Delete
    7. Rob, you've convinced me. There's nothing wrong with people liking xkcd, whether they get their pleasure from being part of a crowd or if they simply have some strange taste that is utterly alien to my own. Who am I to judge? It's their business.

      Farewell, xkcdsucks. I'm off to find something constructive to do with my time.

      Delete
    8. @1:26, clearly you think that if something can be "objectively bad" then something can also be "objectively good" by the same standards. This is the kind of false binary I'd expect from someone who respects xkcd readers.

      Delete
    9. Well, "good" is a pretty broad term, but if you're talking about a scale of recognisable quality rather than a scale of individual enjoyment then, yes, I suppose I am to some extent deluded by such a false binary. Groucho's comic timing, quickness of wit, and knack for wordplay are all of an extremely high standard, and I would argue unmatched by anything we have access to seeing today. His delivery is masterful. Maybe someone can watch one of his monologues and fail to be amused, but if that person also fails to see, comprehend, and respect the qualities that amuse others and set him apart as a comic performer then I can't help feeling that person has a shortcoming in his understanding of comedy.

      I suppose it can be countered that technical ability doesn't equate quality, but I find that the infusion of energy or spirit or creativity or whatever it is that breathes life into a production (of music, comedy, art, whatever) can be similarly detected regardless of whether the result is to your taste.

      Delete
    10. >if that person also fails to see, comprehend, and respect the qualities that amuse others and set him apart as a comic performer then I can't help feeling that person has a shortcoming in his understanding of comedy

      I can "see, comprehend, and respect the qualities" that others like in pretty much anything, even when I personally think it's crap. That doesn't mean anything, other than humans can enjoy anything.

      Delete
    11. Sounds like you don't know what respect is. Your mother should have raised you better.

      Delete
  15. Arrogant, ALT-F Girl fucks upon the hill,
    Arrogant, ALT-F Girl, sounding very shrill.
    Is she worthy? I don't think so.
    Is she thinking? Yes, very slow.
    Whatcha doing, ALT-F Girl, you cunt?

    Arrogant, ALT-F Girl, rims a dappled mare,
    Arrogant, ALT-F Girl, semen in her hair.
    Is she oozing? Yes, I think so.
    Is she horrid? Yes, ever so.
    Whatcha doing, ALT-F Girl, you cunt?

    Arrogant, ALT-F Girl – irl.
    Arrogant, ALT-F Girl - irl.
    Arrogant, ALT-F Girl

    Boop Boop.

    Sung to the tune of "Jennifer Juniper" by Donovan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're showing your age SR. And as we all know, It ain't good to be old.
      Besides, who the fuck 'round here knows who Donovan was/is?
      AND!
      Mares are female horses, ignoramous.

      Delete
    2. Female horses over the age of three actually - unless they are thoroughbreds - then it's four.
      And here I thought the restorative act of rimming was, anatomically speaking, gender neutral?
      But I do defer to you in matters concerning all things equine.

      You know who Donovan was/is, and that is all that matters.

      Delete
    3. "Is she thinking? Yes, very slow."

      Indeed!

      Delete
    4. Your next line involves semen, does it not? I apologise for thinking you had poetic flow, Tennyson.

      Delete
    5. Semen, like our love, comes in spurts. It doesn't flow; nor should my poetry.

      Someone had blunder'd:
      Yours not to make reply,
      Yours not to reason why,
      Yours but to rim and die:
      Unto the sphincter of Death
      Flowed the dull ALTF.

      Delete
    6. Okay!
      I get it!
      The original lyric possesses a causative relationship between the “mare” and “hair” lines.
      I screwed up. You win!

      I'll change the lyric to:

      "Arrogant ALT-F Girl, rims a dappled hare,"

      Better now?

      Delete
    7. You are no match for me SR.
      You know it.
      And I know it.
      Though I must admit, the "Boop Boop" made your little ditty sublime.

      Delete
    8. It's disheartening that this is the best you can do. All that preening and posturing, yet when it comes to actually trying to deliver something creative and original, you're like a pair of 15-year-olds changing the words in their school anthology text.

      Also not one mention of Mellow Yellow. You are just awful.

      Delete
    9. SR and I do not condone the smoking of dried banana skins for an alleged hallucinogenic effect. "Electrical bananas", in the other hand, we're all for them! Especially the kinds with fuel injection.

      Delete
    10. @8:02

      You know what's really disheartening? That you didn't find any difference between the two...

      'was, anatomically speaking, gender neutral?'
      'original lyric possesses a causative relationship between'

      If you plot the average length of words divided by the letters contained in the sentence, ALTF always comes out ahead!

      Delete
    11. >That you didn't find any interesting difference between the two...

      FTFY.

      Delete
    12. ".....If you plot the average length of words divided by the letters contained in the sentence, ALTF always comes out ahead!....."

      Actually, that mathematical relationship is definitively correlative, not causative. Try analysing the appositeness of the median word length and the number of syllables contained in the sentence.
      You'll see god!

      Delete
  16. Rob writes,

    "......the hard work of writing up a shitty one-sentence review for the comics....."

    You fucking prevaricating and innumerate cunt!
    Your review of 1097 employs THREE sentences!
    Your review of 1098, TWO.
    And 1099, THREE again!

    You think us that thick we wouldn't notice?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OH NO! WHAT IS TO BE DONE NOW? *raises palms to cheeks in horror*

      Delete
    2. Face it, xkcd sucks is ruined forever.

      Delete
  17. Our good friend XXXXXX, who sometimes posts a witty comment here, assures me she does not live anywhere near NOLA and is therefore not worried one bit about TS, now Hurricane. Isaac.
    We should pray for her anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wonder if ALTF is an aquarian.

      Delete
    2. I wonder if she loves to fuck...

      Delete
    3. SLTF?
      You still around?
      Raymi the Minx is soooooooooooooooo non-cool now.
      The narcissistic psychopath has pretty much had it now.

      Delete
    4. I love how the only difference is the marginally zoomed-in avatar.

      Delete
    5. Or conversely, 'the marginally zoomed-out avatar'.
      Sheesh, you illiterates do have your fun with neologistic compound verb phrases.

      Innit?

      Delete
  18. Lets talk about sports manlily

    ReplyDelete
  19. Like my new picture?
    The Zoloft is having its desired effect!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, I pretty much hate it. Pick a new one please.

      Delete
  20. Rob chuckled,

    "......i'm not making any judgments on quality, merely that i don't think you will ever drop a name that people actually universally agree is funny, yet people keep on trying......"

    Jesus Christ?

    ReplyDelete
  21. Our good friend XXXXXX is now filling buckets with tap water.
    She has two dogs which will have to endure 12-plus hours of non-stop vacuum cleaner.
    I am a cunt, but I do fear for these poor beasts.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Colonic irrigation month already?

    ReplyDelete
  23. SPOILER: ALTF is megan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *Really* ALTF? You had to spread yourself on some disgusting table in TGI Fridays? I'm sure you're all for encouraging the progress of knowledge, but taking photos of your Aquarian parts is quite distasteful. May I suggest next time you simply point at book illustrations?

      Delete
  24. I have an Ask ALTF question.

    I am of average intelligence. There is nothing available for me in the modern world. Should I kill myself?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. if you are willing to take advice from ALTF, yes. right away preferably.

      Delete
    2. If you are of average intelligence you are already dead.
      No offence.

      Delete
  25. It has been brought to my attention that I have not been assiduously following The Protocols of the Meetings of the Learned Elders of XKCDsucks.
    For this, I am sorry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. is there a compiled list of these rules I can study?

      Delete
    2. I wouldn't listen to ALTF's ramblings. She's a sexagenarian (a member of Generation Sex, if you will!), and everyone knows that they are all cunts.

      Delete
  26. A Imature TeenagerAugust 29, 2012 at 6:38 AM

    1101: It's funny 'cause he was talking 'bout sex. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!11!1

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey baby, wanna come back to my sex orgy?

      Delete
  27. Anonymous August 25, 2012 5:39 PM said,

    "......ALTF knows two things well: English and medicine. She knows the syntax and the routine literature as any best-of-breed foreign speaker ought, and she can deliver babies for China. Unless you're also either an English student or a doctor, you're likely to be outwitted by her.

    Otherwise, she's just like any other human with a few Wikipedia tabs open. But she won't tell you that......"

    'routine' literature?
    Routine for both you and me, but considered exotic and obscure by the masses 'round here it would seem.

    'best-of-breed foreign speaker'?
    But not best-in-show. Alas.

    'she can deliver babies for China'
    Yes. Yes I can, but I do not - nor would not.

    'you're likely to be outwitted by her.'
    This is a truism. And entirely independent of your skill set.

    'she's just like any other human.....'
    No need to be insulting.

    '.....with a few Wikipedia tabs open.'
    More than a few, my friend. Remember, I've no keyboard. Everything I might pixellate here is necessarily a 'copy and paste' endeavour - including this dross.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd be forever in your debt.

      Delete
    2. Careful, Anonymous August 29, 2012 12:20 PM, my doppelgängers are not as gifted at the procedure as I am.

      Delete
    3. Oh my poor ALTF, they reduced you to a Blogger profile view count...

      Delete
    4. Two years ago a particularly gifted doppelgänger reproduced my entire blog - verbatim. We only differed in the "On Blogger since..." section of the Profile page. And, of course, my much coveted "Blogger Content Warning" page.
      I was very impressed at the amount of ATP expended on my behalf. And who wouldn't be?

      Delete
    5. I just read through your blog, and I want to say three things:

      1) It's only in Plutarch's retelling, replete with typical Roman cheek, that the penis is missing;

      2) Unless your Laisez-passer is red, you could very well be a UN agency penis-washer;

      3) Sex with women, like most things with women, is unnecessarily complex.

      Delete
    6. 1) Indeed, the penis is missing. Replaced with a misella landica.

      2) 'penis-washer'? Vulvas too!

      3) Sex with Western acculturated women under the age of about 35 or so, like most things with Western acculturated women under the age of about 35 or so, is unnecessarily complex. Or so my Tutor tells me.

      Delete
    7. ".....It's only in Plutarch's retelling, replete with typical Roman cheek, that the penis is missing;...."

      This, my friend, is a particularly impressive phrase. I would be most obliged if you were to allow me to borrow it on occasion. I promise not to soil, bowdlerise or otherwise maltreat it.
      What say you?

      Delete
    8. This misella landica thanks you, in advance.

      Delete
    9. lol you must be new here; you're supposed to be irritable and incoherently hostile to ALTF, who will reciprocate with chafing smugness and bovine idiocy. Here, let me demonstrate.

      Delete
  28. Pleased to see you discarded the other avatar. Good slave-cunt.

    ReplyDelete
  29. "this pen works just fine apart from 5 days a month when it leaks its ink and wont let me anywhere near it."

    http://www.amazon.com/BIC-Cristal-1-0mm-Black-MSLP16-Blk/dp/B004F9QBE6/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

    DISCUSS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All such pens were intentionally created faulty by their creator, they are devoid of any intrinsic value and as such should be brutally ravaged in dark alleys when nobody's watching.

      imho

      Delete
    2. I think you're a lush regular, emily.

      Delete
    3. "My little brother turned into a unicorn after I lent him one, and my friend told me that a boy in her class grew fairy wings in the middle of a test."

      If only I had been warned.

      Delete
    4. Hey baby, wanna come back to my sex orgy?

      Delete
  30. Hey what happened to the fat snail comic? It was the best thing that happened to xkcdsucks in years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. implying anything good happened to xkcdsucks before the fat snail comic

      Delete
    2. I preferred the original 'fat rob' drawing posted by capn. that had some subtlety

      Delete
    3. let's not make this hate blog too heady

      Delete
    4. it is possible to get too much head, after all

      Delete
  31. It appears that the captcha system is intermingling some confirmed house numbers with unknown ones so you are forced to go through several before you reach one that they genuinely don't know.

    A worthy move, Google, but I have more than enough time to waste.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just enter the confirmed one correctly? What purpose does deliberately getting it wrong serve if getting it right isn't helping them in any way? The OCR readable ones are pretty obvious.

      Delete
    2. How do I know whether the house number is one Google already knows, or one that Google is asking me to help with?

      > The OCR readable ones are pretty obvious.
      Not to my eye they're not. I often end up seeing at least two alternatives.

      Delete
    3. I think there's no way to know, 8:25. They just keep inputting wrong numbers until it works. I admit I myself stopped caring and am now doing some volunteer work for Google.

      Also, agreed. They're pretty ambiguous.

      Delete
    4. The volunteer work is punishment for the shit we write. Remember, Google's search bots read all of it.

      Delete
    5. You could always go for the vision impaired option if you can make any sense of it.

      Delete
  32. 1102 needs to be corrected because we all know that Rob is fat and getting fatter everyday, thus that religion would be growing faster than 100% in a single year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1102, brought to you by this wikipedia article.

      Delete
  33. Anonymous August 30, 2012 8:12 AM said,

    ".....lol you must be new here; you're supposed to be irritable and incoherently hostile to ALTF, who will reciprocate with chafing smugness and bovine idiocy. Here, let me demonstrate....."

    Let's see then?

    Although my smugness is indeed chafing - likened to a P50 ISO/FEPA Grit designation - but my idiocy is certainly not bovine.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Rob's apology for the deleterious effect this blog has had on countless thousands of innocent readers:

    "I ask for forgiveness that for nearly 5 years I didn't find a way of reaching out to you from human being to human being," said Rob, chief executive of XKCDsucks, on Friday. "I ask that you regard my long silence as a sign of the shock that your fate caused in me."

    Harald Stock, chief executive of Gurenenthal Group, the originators of the drug Thalidomide, is a plagiarist!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i just want you all to know that it hurt me when i realized i was hurting you

      Delete
    2. What are some other signs of the shock and the hurt our fate has caused in you?

      Impotence?

      Delete
    3. not so much impotence as the inability to feel love, or indeed, anything at all.

      Delete
    4. Making love out of nothing at all?

      Have you tried Air Supply?

      Delete
    5. Rob said,

      ".....as the inability to feel love, or indeed, anything at all...."

      Have you tried cutting? It works a treat I'm told.

      Delete
    6. Rob is an autotroph - he doesn't need to try.

      Delete
  35. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Gratz on the shout out from Randall, Rob!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. self-insert technically since rob = randall

      Delete
  37. OMFG that SMBC is the worst thing i have ever seen. I just want to scream at him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, someone finally brought it up.

      It's preachy, yes. He does lampshade that at the end, but preachiness is unusual for SMBC. The message is uncharacteristically corny and optimistic. It's based on painfully flawed logic. And it has stick figures. Have you noticed it too? It's almost like SMBC and XKCD did a collab. Randall, get out of Zach Weiner's head!

      Why is the logic flawed you ask? Well it assumes that something can be mastered in seven years, which is simply not true. It takes a lot longer than that, sometimes a whole lifetime. The people who achieve notoriety early in their careers are always the ones you hear about, but they were mostly just lucky.

      It also assumes that these things have to be done one after the other, which is wrong and stupid. I hope to become good at drawing, painting, photography, storytelling, writing and engineering in my lifetime, but not in the arbitrary 'separate lives' kind of way that he's suggesting. I wouldn't waste a skill by giving it up after seven years. And I wouldn't do just one thing for seven years, because I'd get bored of it after the first year.

      It's almost too easy to point this out, but Weiner started putting comics online in 2000. Therefore his 'death' is at least 5 years overdue.

      And what about the stick figures? I read somewhere that it's easier to identify with stick figures than it is with realistic drawings of people, so that may be what he's going for. But I just may not be the sort of person who projects himself onto stick figures, because I have trouble seeing myself in this. Is it meant to look like a human face?

      Also, I was going to say this on the SMBC forum, but their signup process sucks flaming donkey balls. Why the fuck does my account need to be reviewed by an administrator before I even do anything?

      Delete
    2. Oh god, I've written a tl'dr post. Oh god, oh god...

      Delete
    3. Dear Mr. Levi,

      I have barely ever read SMBC, but that one what you linked to has made me decide that it is worse than xkcd. Why? Because I always get the feeling that Randall is making so little effort that he is trolling us all, but that mindless atrocity you just linked to looks like it took more than a minute to draw.

      I agree with all your criticisms, but what's most unreasonable about it is that his formula means you end up doing nothing well at all: the moment you have mastered something, you stop doing it. His philosophy is taking away my one life and giving me zero in return.

      I am concerned that you aim to become good at drawing, painting, storytelling, photography, writing and engineering, though. There is a very 21st century notion that one should be ever busy and try to master as many things as possible. This never works for anyone. Sure, it's easy on the Internet to supplement a dilettante knowledge with the ability to check a few well-known sites and appear a genius in everything, and it's easy in the meeting room at work to talk the elite talk and bullshit your way into and out of pretty much anything, but the only people who really contribute anything of value live and love a singlar pursuit. Yes, they might be able to manage one other thing, but that's about it.

      Delete
    4. For what it's worth, the other SMBC comics are not like that - most of them are about dick jokes or* deconstructing childhood innocence.

      In regard to the list of things I said I wanted to become good at, notice I didn't use the word 'master'. To master something is a highly subjective term for an ultimately flawed concept. No matter how far you go, your knowledge of a subject will never be complete. I don't believe that Einstein ever thought he 'mastered' physics, or that Shakespeare believed he'd mastered storytelling. I'll settle for being good at something.

      And for the record, only one of those things would be my day job, the easiest one. The rest are, I suppose, hobbies. I probably won't gain much recognition from any of them. I don't just do them for myself; I want others to take interest. But when I pick up a pen to draw, I am confronted by the probable reality of it being the proverbial tree falling in a forest that no one hears, except my mother. I am not naive enough to dream for something more, but I hope for it.

      And it's not a 21st century thing. Ernst Haeckel (1834-1919) was an artist, biologist, naturalist, philosopher and activist. And he coined the phrase 'First World War'. And in a time before the written word, there were many Ancient Greek scholars who really did know 'everything'. Although everything one could learn was not beyond a single person's capacity.

      *I almost wrote 'and' there. But even Zach Weiner has standards.

      Delete
    5. Here's something true: You are going to die and trying to learn a bunch of fragmental crafts its not really going to make your ephemerous life any less meaningless and insignificant. If you really want to transcend your mortality, you better make of your causa sui project something whole and greater.

      Delete
    6. I'm happy that my post gave Jon something to do. Feels good to help people.

      Delete
    7. Jon, I think you're playing the definitions game a bit. Einstein had not mastered physics, but - in the sense that he had surpassed the state of the art with sound theory - he became a master of relativity. Shakespeare was not the world's best storyteller but he was a master of the English language, distinguishable from our ALTF who has strived to assemble a worthy toolset but thinks that dropping all these tools on the keyboard simultaneously will produce elegant prose.

      I understand and am glad that you don't intend to master everything on your list, but your enumeration suggested a temptation to follow the modern call to become distracted by doing many things in mediocrity lest you allow yourself time to sit back and reflect.

      Haeckel, still unusually prolific for his time, was essentially a comparative anatomist who was routinely good at drawing what he studied. Like many Germans through early C20, he had some loud and hilarious theories about race which in a sense made him a philosopher-activist. But this pursuit was no more scholarly than, say, the populist effort of inane and cultlike Dwakins today - it is what happens when a distinguished man becomes a celebrity outside of his field.

      And I'm assuming the "in a time before the written word... Ancient Greek scholars" was tongue-in-cheek.

      Delete
    8. "I'm happy that my post gave Jon something to do. Feels good to help people."

      "Jon is of no use to human society and I hate him. I would like nothing better than to defecate watery turds directly into his mouth."

      FTFY.
      This is the internet .: you're anonymous .: you don't need to be passive aggressive

      Delete
    9. What the hell is ".:", you fucking poseur?

      Delete
    10. I forgot how the "therefore" symbol is html encoded, so I substituted this.

      Delete
    11. ∴ = ∴

      Delete
    12. @Random unroll
      No i meant what i said. I have an unnatural amount of affection for Jon Levi which i had to conceal with sarcasm. You are still right though. I don't have to worry about Jon knowing i like him as
      This is the internet .: i'm anonymous .: i don't need to be coy

      Delete
    13. "[...] lest you allow yourself time to sit back and reflect."

      I spent at least an hour and a half writing those two comments. Doesn't that qualify as 'time to reflect'?

      Delete
    14. Yes, of course. With the amount you have posted here, I didn't realistically believe you are busy.

      Delete
    15. As a chronically lonely individual, I totally dig the idea that life is about nothing more than completing your collection of skillsets. Jon Levi needs to wise up.

      Jon Levi, show us one of your drawings so we can tell you how unlikely it is that you'll ever achieve basic competency in the field.

      Delete
    16. Hmm, I won't link you to my DeviantArt, since that would involve giving away my true identity. But here's a sketch of my eye, and here's a picture of some mountains. Enjoy.

      Delete
    17. As an opthamologist, I have some bad news for you...

      Delete
    18. Would have been more convincing if you had.. no, I lie, good medics usually can't spell.

      Which explains ALTF.

      Delete
    19. clap clap damn

      Delete
    20. Jon Levi, that's no good at all and doesn't look like it's going to improve much. You might as well just kill yourself now.

      Delete
    21. Really, is that all you can say about my drawings? I'd expect better from a hate blog.

      Delete
    22. You should have been dead before you had a chance to write that. Learn to be dead quicker.

      Delete
    23. look at that fucking eye

      Delete
    24. look at that fucking eye

      Delete
    25. look at that fucking eye

      Delete
    26. look at that fucking eye

      Delete
    27. look at that fucking eye

      Delete
    28. look at that fucking eye

      Delete
    29. Don't you know I've been dead for 25 years?

      Delete
    30. My girlfriend has a thrush outbreak ("thrush-festooned", as that silly Asian would put it) and I have had to put ointment on my fucking eye for the last couple of days.

      It still looks healthier than Jon Levi's.

      Delete
  38. Please tell me the phrase Randall is talking about isn't something that people say outside of the autist colony he apparently lives in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are just jealous because you've never thought about it before. Why don't *you* come up with stupid similes people never use, and see if you can do even better than him. Then maybe I'll listen to your criticism. Sucker.

      Delete
  39. https://www.google.com/search?q="as+neglected+as+the+nine+button+on+the+microwave"

    Yeah, fairly certain Randall made this up. Bonus points if he made it up just so the "joke" would work. It's kind of like the Homeopathy Monthly thing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. making up a saying so he can make fun of it

      this is a whole new level of fail, even for randall

      Delete
    2. I'm pretty glad it didn't occur to Randall that the 8 button is just as underused, otherwise he'd spend all day pushing buttons on the microwave, desperately trying to restore balance to the universe. Probably wouldn't even have enough time left to draw his delightful comics thrice a week.

      Delete
    3. I often enter non-rounded times into the microwave. And my initial cook of rice is always for about 9 minutes, so 9 is popular regardless (except that I usually enter it as 8:88).

      Anyway my point here is that this is not nearly interesting enough to publish as a comic to several million drooling idiots.

      Delete
    4. Haha how do you enter 8:88 in a fucking microwave you deliberately contrary asshole.

      Delete
    5. 12:53 Guess what? Read the alt-text.

      1:31 Depends on the model, but usually it involves pressing '8' three times. The colon is filled in for you. Somebody always seems to be filling my colon in for me.

      Delete
    6. "Depends on the model, but usually it involves pressing '8' three times"

      You cannot enter 8:88 in a microwave. You can, however enter 9:28, which is equivalent. The 2 digit number following the colon is modulo 60. You know, 60 seconds in a minute? Need I explain this further?

      Delete
    7. i just tried it. it let me enter 8:88.

      Delete
    8. that's weird mine just reverts it to 9:28. how long did it run for?

      Delete
    9. Rob's always got a microwave within easy reach. You never know when the growling beast's gonna wake up and ask for its culinary due.

      Delete
    10. The charitable interpretation is that he knows some guy who used the phrase (and it's very likely he hangs around people who use overly twee sayings like that) and didn't really care to look up if anyone else uses it.

      And yes, I too have had microwaves work that way. It's presumably easier to program that way if you don't have to parse entered times for validity.

      Delete
    11. I always use 11, 22... 111, 222, 333... 999, 1111 etc. on microwaves. It's easiest to type and like Rob I am impatient for my food. I didn't even know that some microwaves don't accept this. I expect the seconds to count down to zero then the minutes to pass as normal.

      Now here comes xkcd to tell me that worrying about what you type on your microwave is a thing. Part of me wants to go back to whatever the normal way is just to prevent the remote possibility that someone asks me whether I'm doing it 'cos I "read that xkcd". Although if they asked that I'd be sorely tempted to shove their head through the microwave door, enter 999, wait 999 seconds for him to cool a bit, then call 999. ENJOY YOUR OVERABUNDANCE OF NINES, RANDALL, YOU ENABLING CUNT!

      Delete
  40. "Somebody always seems to be filling my colon in for me."

    ReplyDelete
  41. Get back to school Randall. What the hell kind of citation was that in the feather comic? I could probably find the article with the information you gave, but page number would be a hell of a lot more useful than issue number.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You want a page number for a paper on an exclusively online journal? For a paper that is the first hit on pubmed for the search 'fowler raptor'?

      Idiot.

      Delete
    2. > You want a page number for a paper on an exclusively online journal?

      I don't know about you corpse-worrying goatherds, but up here in law everything's labelled by page and/or paragraph number.

      Since those of you not in surgery have to do little more than memorise the list of drugs which provide the best commission and pretend to do a better job than an automated expert system, I guess "oh it's somewhere in the June issue" is sufficient.

      Delete
    3. ^A lawyer claiming that medical research is all about memorising crap in order to make lots of money.

      Delete
  42. Hey, if somebody has a YouTube account they could mention xkcd sucks on that YouTube video and we could get all kinds of fun new visitors.

    ReplyDelete
  43. THE PAST IS GETTING MORE AWESOME ALL THE TIME!!!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's only getting more awesome because more of my life is contained within it with each passing moment.

      So don't worry. Once I die, it'll stabilize.

      Delete