Monday, August 20, 2012

Comic 1.21: Time Traveling Doom!

[This guest review comes from faithful reviewer "Vid." Gripping stuff. -Ed.]

tardis

252 comments:

  1. I don't get the jet engine. Clearly I am just not clever enough to read xkcdsucks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No you're not. Now go away.

      Delete
    2. If I acknowledge to not being as clever as you, will you explain it to me. I am thick and have no ego but am still curious.

      Delete
    3. Ooh ooh, I know, you're playing emily!

      Delete
    4. Explanation:
      This review is mocking xkcd's poor art quality. The lack of a shadow to establish where the ground is in the latest comic, 1097, give the effect that the banana is floating in the air. This review repurposes the image of the stick figure being sucked into a jet engine as the same figure flying out of a time machine, kicking another stick figure's head off. This not only mocks how badly the art could be misinterpreted, but also the recurring theme of unattached heads. The jet engine here is repurposed as a time machine.

      Delete
    5. My mistake here was to let it slip my mind that this is occasionally a site about Randall's current expression. Spurred on by an increasingly tenuous connection between recent xkcdsucks posts and xkcd proper, I had been conveniently forgetting to read the latter. In my mind, xkcd had become a bad memory - like a Nazi uniform to Prince Harry, something one dresses up to mock the past long gone.

      I thus thought that the turbine was - how shall we say - "lolrandum".

      I stand corrected.

      Delete
    6. People are marking up their political cartoons properly again. The jet-turbine/time-machine obviously represents "The Jews".

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Obviously a "faithful reviewer." Can't you read?

      Delete
    2. Faithful my ass! Look at how many blogs you follow! Harlot! You even got ctrl-alt-del AIDS!

      Delete
    3. Following several blogs and other websites through Blogger is quicker and more efficient than keeping them all as separate bookmarks. It also frees up space on the Bookmark Bar. Not all of the sites, therefore, I follow on Blogger are actually blogs; many are webcomics and one is a YouTube channel because though Deceased Crab blocked me from subscribing to him in YouTube, he can't prevent me from following his YouTube channel through Blogger.

      Delete
    4. what did you do to him to make him block you?

      Delete
    5. Vid, just put all the bookmarks in a bookmark folder, then "Opes All In Tabs".

      I bet you drive an automatic transmission too!

      Delete
    6. @weaselsoup
      I believe I called him a "hypocritical Nazi." I didn't mean like a Hitler Nazi. I meant like a Grammar Nazi. I'm not sure if he understood that.

      @ 1:16 Not all of my bookmarks update every day. Some update M/W/F, some T/T/S and some (like Order of the Stick) don't have any regular update schedule. Opening them all every day would be hugely inefficient.

      Delete
    7. Why would you want to follow Deceased Crab? His voice is kind of annoying and he gets ridiculously insecure when he sees other people make jokes. The list of people blocked from his channel probably exceeds his number of subscribers.

      Delete
    8. I think he's one of the better Let's Play-ers out there. At least he doesn't feel the need to read every piece of text that comes onscreen like most LPers. And yeah, he's kind of a Nazi about comments, but I still enjoy the videos. Similarly, though I've been blocked from the Ctrl-Alt-Del forums (for making a "miscarriage" joke) I still enjoy the comic itself.

      Delete
    9. I have coincidentally just been reading what must be the longest miscarriage joke in recent memory.

      Delete
  3. People have survived similar accidents.

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  4. In before Rob is fat remark. Do I win a prize?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You win a date with Rob

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    2. Rob is. Learn to use punctuation.

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    3. Comment breaks are implicit commas you shitbitch.

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    4. Pretty sure he meant the ambiguous omission of either a question mark or a full stop

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    5. Pretty sure you should suck a hairy testicle, pisscunt.

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    6. This is the dullards section of the comment string I take it?

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    7. Oh god I am so ashamed of my lack of highly advertised pseudo-intellectualism right now

      Delete
    8. Well, you did spell 'advertised' correctly. Don't be so hard on yourself.
      Give it time and you too can pseudo-intellectualise with yours truly.

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Chris Houlihan's Room 1992

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    2. Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra 1991?

      Delete
  6. I miss Gamer_2k4

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  7. Why is there a banana peel on the runway of a major airport? And is it supposed to be an integral part of the "what gets me" event? Because it seems like ridiculously small potatoes next to getting sucked into a jet engine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. maybe you can only get sucked into the jet engine if you slip on the banana peel?

      Delete
    2. It actually looks like the character is slipping on the peel *after* being picked up off the runway by suction from the engine.

      Delete
    3. My gardening partner tells me that a banana is not a small potato.

      Delete
  8. nice to see that even writing 5 word reviews is too much effort for rob now

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  9. is assassination really that difficult to spell?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is a sassy nation really that difficult to quell?

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    2. Is an ugly dalmatian really that difficult to sell?

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    3. Is a jewish concentration really that different from hell?

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    4. The hellishness of a place is linearly proportional to the concentration of Jews present.

      Delete
  10. Last night I was on the Tutor's porch at sundown, feeding the mosquitoes, with my glass of fine Port and an equally fine Cuban cigar. Out of nowhere I was struck in the back of the head. Not exactly a crimson crowned Zapruder moment, but disconcerting nevertheless. I turned around, turned on the light and espied a motionless bat on the floor in front of me - it wasn't breathing! I immediately picked up the poor rodent and reaching into the Glass-matriarch-like pocket of my threadbare dressing gown pulled out a straw. Using the straw as a conduit to apply the 'Kiss of Life', I successfully resuscitated the beastie, placed it on a chair and it flew away moments later.
    Ain't I a great humanitarian?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a statistical certainty that the bat then proceeded to give several (other) people rabies. Good job.

      Delete
    2. ATLF = Nosferatu

      Delete
    3. >implying a "porch at sundown" is a suitable place for port and a cigar

      >implying all the conspiracy theories are wrong

      >missing the obvious message from your tutor involving a bat striking the back of your head

      >implying Family Guy obscure references are still funny

      >requiring an explanation for a straw in your gown

      >implying a bat is a rodent

      >implying Internet personas can breathe

      >implying bats do not get all their sustenance from the necks of virgins

      Delete
    4. I saw a bat very close one day, they're much cuter than I thought.

      Delete
    5. Oh dear!
      Dear oh dear oh dear!

      This is how the true intellectual elite read my above dross:

      "Blah blah blah.....blah, blah, blah.....crimson crowned Zapruder moment...blah, blah, blah....... blah, blah, blah.......
      .........
      .........blah, blah, blah....Glass matriarch.....dressing gown pocket....blah, blah, blah.

      Genius on the Zapruder reference and you don't often see a Salinger reference these days.

      Reading it any other way is dullardry!

      Delete
    6. "with my glass of fine Port and an equally fine Cuban cigar"

      lol were you wearing a fedora too? fucking nerd

      Delete
    7. Girls don't wear fedoras!
      You're right about the fucking nerd part though.

      Delete
    8. Britney Spears wears fedoras.

      Delete
    9. This is how the true intellectual elite read her above dross:

      "Blah blah blah.....blah, blah, blah.....ooh boy an obscure reference to an event with zero relevance visavis the already amorphous dicussion at hand I am so cultured and refined fapfapfap...blah, blah, blah....... blah, blah, blah.......
      .........
      .........blah, blah, blah....ooh boy an(other) obscure literary reference with zero relevance to the already amorphous dicussion at hand I am so cultured and refined fapfapfap....blah, blah, blah."

      Delete
    10. "......I am so cultured and refined....."

      If by 'cultured' you mean bacterial and if by 'refined' you mean sucrose - you're probably right.

      And 'fwap' is a better onomatopoeian referent. I've heard boys.
      Query?
      Why are they always in such a hurry?

      Here are cool mosses deep,
      And through the moss the ivies creep,
      And in the stream the long-leaved flowers weep,
      And from the craggy ledge the poppy hangs in sleep.

      Delete
    11. "If by 'cultured' you mean bacterial and if by 'refined' you mean sucrose - you're probably right."

      Wow. That was just awful, even for you.

      Delete
    12. Well, my retarded friend, had you not missed the Tennyson and not been intellectually differently abled, you would be better positioned to adjudge the true depth of its 'awfulness'.

      Trying to help you out here, but you make it difficult.

      Delete
    13. Oh shit, I missed the part where you regurgitated Tennyson wholesale on the heels of a terrible, terrible comeback. Clearly you deserve a medal.

      Delete
    14. Oh dear, your thickness knows no bounds or density.

      As for the guerdon, make it of silver amalgam; in the shape of a bat. Gold clashes with my delicate skin tones you see.

      Delete
    15. "..your thickness knows no bounds or density..."

      lolwat

      Delete
    16. Finally!
      You actually get one of my jokes!
      There might be hope for you. Though I doubt it!

      Delete
    17. haha nope, i don't get it at all, which is presumably because you either merely fucked up and are now claiming the ensuing confusion was intended, or your joke was simply bait for the conversationally unimpaired.

      Delete
    18. I'm not confused. Nor, I reckon, is anyone else.
      Why are you?

      Delete
    19. Perhaps confusion is too strong a word; I must concede your pedantry has routed me

      Delete
    20. Alas, not just the pedantry my friend.
      As Mr. Clint Eastwood, as Dirty Harry, would say, "A man's got to know his limitations."

      Best you not engage the Sherman Tank of your intellect against the Tiger Tank of mine!

      As Mr. Donald Sutherland, as Odd Ball, would say, "Nobody said nothing about locking horns with no Tigers"

      Delete
    21. jesus fucking christ, and to think you have amassed a horde of easily impressed lackwits to applaud your dime a dozen references and gloat about how everyone else is too stupid to get it. guess it isn't so much xkcd as it is the human condition.

      Delete
    22. Anon@9:33&c., fencing with a troll is like being the little girl in a lambada: unless you take the lead, it's going to end in your being buttfucked.

      Delete
    23. Anonymous 10:00 AM said,

      "....unless you take the lead...."

      Aye, there's the rub!

      Anonymous 9:58 AM said,

      "......you have amassed a horde of easily impressed lackwits to applaud your dime a dozen references....."

      These 'lackwits' are living, breathing and feeling people! Why are you being so cruel?
      Besides, this horde of which you speak provides me with ample enough 'dimes' with which to not only purchase the references but also a bottle of good Port now and again.

      Delete
    24. Lambada?
      Jeez Louise! How old are you?

      Delete
    25. Cover up dear, your multiplicity is showing.

      Delete
    26. Does it offend you?

      I thought you were made of sterner stuff Capn.

      Delete
    27. y the fuck i read all that?

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    28. Apologies, I thought having your DID's falanging about might cause you some repressed grief.

      Delete
    29. DID ??!!??
      What the fuck is that?

      My gee is not flappy!

      Delete
    30. Does it offend you?

      I thought you were made of sterner stuff ALT-F.

      Delete
    31. Dissociative identity disorder (DID)?
      Meh!
      They all pay their dimes too.

      Delete
    32. I am as a delicate flower, Capn. You know this.

      Delete
  11. I'm sure Nosferatu was way hotter than ALTF.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh dear!

    It appears that not only do I have the omniscient omnipotence to bring the dullardic cockroaches out of their crevices, I also possess the lexical wherewithal to force them to scurry back to their Twitter-feeds and Comic Books.

    I will not use my power for good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. its okay, it wasn't your fault.

      Delete
    2. You are certainly a comical twit.

      Delete
  13. Wow. Loser clusterfuck to the extreme.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Duly noted. Run along now.

      Delete
  14. I grow ever more despairing and despondent. Each night, before I take my lonely self to bed, I pray that the 'morrow will bring a worthy adversary on XKCDsucks.
    Alas, it was not to be today.
    I grow tired and weary, living as I do on nowt but bird seed and Fairy dust, I wither. Then again, Tinker Bell's dander, when sprinkled on a nice crème brûlée after a hard day of emasculating every male in the Anglosphere does have its rewards.

    Woe is me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only "worthy adversary" to a bunch of bored students and trustafarians on #xkcd-sucks is the stark realisation that you might eventually have to get a job.

      Delete
    2. They are not all bored. Some are merely blasé.

      I will never have to 'get a job'.
      My 'stark realisation', however, is very real and very stark. And very frightening.

      Delete
    3. Your persona has the self-confidence of a Soviet bureaucrat, and would await all its fates.

      Delete
    4. Infuriating, Innit?

      Just a heads up though, many Soviet bureaucrats wrested lucrative control of the formerly State owned enterprises when the West won its ideological battle with the godless heathens of the Steppe!
      If you should ever get to Chelsea, say hello to my old pal Roman for me.

      Delete
    5. A few. The rest were left in small apartments with a pension that would make Equitable Life seem equitable.

      Oliver's Army are here to stay.

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    6. I was expecting an 'I don't want to go to Chelsea' quip.


      And I would rather be anywhere else but here today

      Delete
    7. Clearly - and what would be funny about peace, love and understanding?

      Delete
    8. Jet boy Jet girl
      Gonna take you 'round the world.
      Jet boy I'm gonna make him penetrate
      I'm gonna make you be a girl.
      Ooh, hoo, hoo, hoo
      Jet boy Jet girl

      Wait, that's Elton Motello, sorry.

      Delete
    9. And if there comes a time
      Cash and gates no longer hold you in
      And if you're free to make a choice
      Just look towards the east and find a friend

      Wait, that's Elton John, sorry.

      Delete
    10. It's just one of those days
      When you don't wanna wake up
      Everything is fucked
      Everybody sucks
      You don't really know why
      But you wanna justify
      Rippin' someone's head off

      Wait, that's John Otto, sorry.

      Delete
    11. You're breaking my heart
      You're tearing it apart
      So Fuck You

      Wait, that's Harry Nilsson, sorry

      Delete
    12. My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
      My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps.

      Wait, that's Stacy Ann Ferguson, sorry.

      Delete
  15. For a terrifying glimpse into a world where Randall Munroe panders to musicians instead of nerds, see http://euge.ca/

    Post-punchline dialogue!
    'My Hobby'!
    Graph comics!

    Sadly he draws his stick figures with necks :-(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's about time you arrived!
      I've been bullied and made to look stupid for near on 5 hours now.
      I'm going home in tears!

      Delete
    2. I would like to shove baseball bats up your ass.

      Delete
    3. How many?

      No corked bats though - gives me gas.

      Delete
    4. xkcdsucks official copyeditorAugust 21, 2012 at 2:56 PM

      It's about time you arrived!
      I've been bullied and made to look stupid for near on 5 years now.
      I'm going home in tears!

      Delete
  16. Fucking Aquarians, leave these poor sods alone.
    Come back to where you belong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sterculian Rhetoric, the prose in your blog is even worse than ALTF's. I think ALTF comes here because she knows she could strive for better.

      And the fact that she comes [i]here[/i] says rather a lot about you.

      Delete
    2. I could strive for better, agreed. Here, I'm afraid, is not better.

      Delete
    3. So why, of all the places you could be, do you choose here?

      Delete
    4. I'm not deleted and banned.
      I'm banned from the Internet in entire countries for fuck's sake!

      Delete
  17. altf can you please post some pics of yourself, tia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Use fucking proper grammar and syntax in your request and I'll think about it. Cunt.

      Delete
  18. If only y'all knew who I am.
    You'll be telling your grandchildren one day that you crossed swords with the great [Insert my real name here]
    In fact, it is only a matter of time before the Mail man delivers my 'Offer of Membership' at Augusta.
    Doing a round of golf with Condie! Eat your fucking hearts out cunts!
    I despise the woman's politics - far too Left leaning Liberal as far as I'm concerned - but her wit is to die for!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OK, but I am sexually frustrated and would like to fuck you.

      Delete
    2. Fucking leftists

      Delete
    3. If only y'all knew who I am.
      Any one of a million people displaying Internet Braggadocio, it seems. I'm an ex-public-school toff and can namedrop for England (and some of Scotland), but I'm not sure what difference this makes.

      And your "Internet ban" is irrelevant where you are now, love.

      Delete
    4. ".....Any one of a million people displaying Internet Braggadocio, it seems....."

      And it's 'Braggadocia' - I'm a girl.
      Though coined by that Faerie Queene cunt, he intended it for a male, and fake-Italian or not, the female suffix is needed.

      Where I am now, love, 'public-school' represents the exact antithesis of what it represents in Blighty.

      Delete
    5. And it's 'Braggadocio' - I'm in the Western Anglosphere

      Where I am now, love, 'public-school' represents ()

      Delete
  19. http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m954e7ngpP1rxhdf3o1_400.png

    ReplyDelete
  20. Where do you assholes see a banana peel in that cartoon? That's right. I said "cartoon".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well. you actually didn't 'say' "cartoon" - at least not in the audio sense which we could perceive. What you did do is 'pixellate' it; and that is acceptable.

      Delete
    2. Perhaps you meant a 'pixilated pixellation'? Although I know a few pixies that would object - they are anything but obscured!

      Delete
    3. Perhaps you meant a 'homosexual homophone'? lol high school wordplay lol

      Delete
  21. Oh dear!
    Someone, somehow, has silenced the great me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cunt?
      Please!
      Fucking cunt is far more apropos.
      And if you can work in, 'thrush festooned' and/or 'prolapsed' all the better.

      Delete
    2. ATLF is a fat homo jerking off on his laptop all day long.

      Delete
    3. Other than the fact I am female, you are spot on!

      Delete
    4. You can stop with the bullshit, it's OK.

      Delete
    5. Ooh boy, I almost added "we still love you even if you're a dude", but then realized we hate you either way. But yeah.

      Delete
    6. Goodness!
      You cunts in the Western Anglosphere just cannot conceive of the existence of a World View that differs from your own insularly ignorant one.
      This is precisely why I am so effective at what I do here.
      A girl, who isn't a dyke and fights like a man. You've no idea how to deal with me.

      Bullshit?
      Please.
      My tutor coined the phrase 'Sterculian Rhetoric' to replace that pedestrian malapropism. Use it!

      Delete
    7. no man fights like you

      Delete
    8. No man beats her either!

      Delete
    9. ALTF, where is the failiure in the way in which the cunts in the Western Anglosphere deal with you? What is not being achieved which would be by dealing with you in some other way?

      Also, does the talk of 'fighting' refer to the back & forth on this blog? I have never recognised it as such. It's just nerds shooting the shit. No-one* really takes anyshit they read on the web seriously. If it is a fight, Anon3:13, define victory conditions please.

      *No-one, that is, who shares my parochialy nescient World View. But that's everyone, innit?

      Delete
    10. I really do take anything I read on the web seriously.

      Delete
  22. Anonymous August 22, 2012 12:57 PM blurted out,

    ".....but then realized we hate you[ALTF] either way....."

    And this is all that I ask.

    Although 'hate' and 'love' are traditional placed at either end of the emotional spectrum, the spectrum is not linear; it's circular.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is this why I suddenly feel dizzy and mysteriously attracted to you at the same time? But wrong. I'm not part of the Anglosphere. You cunt.

      Spinnin' round and round and ro

      Delete
    2. Are you from a Matriarchal society that treats men like doormats and espouses such extreme right politics as to make the Taliban look like Marxist fanatics?
      I am!
      You speak/read/write English - you are part of the angloshpere!
      You are Western!
      You believe in democracy!
      You are a cunt!

      Delete
    3. You speak/read/write English - you are part of the angloshpere!

      Delete
    4. I never said I was not part of the Anglosphere.
      I am not part of the Western Angloshpere though.
      I am not Westernised. Which means, obviously, I am not civilised.

      Non-Western females, of my ilk, are fucking Terra Incognito for most Western males.
      I am not 'mothering' like the elephant matriarchy.
      I am not 'predatory' like the hyena matriarchy.
      I don't 'want' to be liked.
      I don't respond to flirtation, at least not in a way you might recognise.
      I don't seek acceptance or approbation.
      You cunts have no extant category in which to place me.

      I'm and enigma, wrapped in a mystery and shoved up a gayer's arse!

      Delete
    5. western males are pussies.
      you got me there.

      isn't it "I'm an enigma" you illiterate anglophone wannabe?

      Delete
    6. I always thought it was "an enema wrapped in a misery" and that seems to concur with the rest of the sentence that ALTF wrote.

      Delete
    7. If speaks Engrish now = Anglosphere then in West now = Western.

      Non-Western females, of your ilk, are "fucking Terra Incognita" for most Western males because the latter 1) tend to live in the West; 2) tend to aim higher than Internet loons.

      You have quite a hang-up about the country you emigrated from and its "matriarchy". You're like so many Americans idealising their ancestral homes.

      No-one's flirting with you. Your persona is not attractive.

      You certainly seek approbation - you want people to think you worthy of challenge. You're not, alas.

      Whether you seek it or not, I like you because you're free entertainment. The Usenet crazies don't breed like they used to.

      Delete
    8. ecce cercops!

      ALTF aspires to one day be a Shakespearean Fool.

      Delete
    9. I'm flirting with her.

      Delete
    10. Skilled fresco artistry was lost to history as soon as painters stopped gazing upwards and started gazing exclusively at their navels.

      Delete
    11. The title of this thread is wrong.

      It should not be anything about xkcd.

      It should have been "WAHHHHH!!!! SOMEONE'S OPINIONS IS DIFFERENT THAN MINE!!!! I DO NOT LIKE SEEING ANYONE WHO DOES NOT THINK LIKE ME!!!! WAHHHHH!!!!! IT IS EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG WITH TEH INTERWEBZ!!!! I HATE HER!!! WHAAAAAAAA!!! I AM A SEVEN YEAR OLD ON A FORUM WHO WANTS TO BASK IN THE CIRCLE JERKING MASTURBATORY CONFIDENCE OF MY FREINDS TO HATE SOMEONE MORE TALENTED THAN ME WITH MORE FANS THAN I HAVE!!! WHAAAAAAA!!!!! I MUST DECLARE JIHAD ON ALTF BECUASE I AM A SELF-RIGEOUS CUNT CALLING OTHER PEOPLE A SELF-RIGHTEOUS CUNT FOR MAKING POSTS THAT MAKES ME HAVE TEH FURYYY!!! WAHHHHH!!!!!"

      At least then, this thread might have some honesty to it, instead of just a bunch of faggoty butthurt nerds.

      You know what truly is everything that is wrong with the internet?

      Whiny, butthurt, pseudo-ointellectual wah-wah-gasisms and forumbound group therepy cock-sucking sessions on the maturity level of a petulant 6-year old, all over one person's posts to soothe their boundless hatred and intolerance of anyone else but their own selves.

      Wallowing in their own seething jealousy over the opinion of one person that all of you wish you were in the particular spot she is in, with being a well-liked, amusing and erudite internet personality.

      Can any of you assholes ever say you've been there? No? Then go shove your pointless jealousy and butthurt rage right back up your own asses where you pulled it from and where it belongs, instead of using a forum for your pathetic drooling stupidity over your worthlessly gang-raped pride.

      THIS is the kind of bullshit that TRULY contributes to making the internet a worse place to be.

      THIS.

      THIS THREAD.

      This kind of wanking, crying, blubbering, jealous, hateful, repulsively idiotic masturbatory bullshit response.

      You random nobodies on the internet crying your crocodile tears over opinions that you are just upset that you're not being appreciated and popular for, yourselves

      While on the other hand, ALTF's posts, are the only kind of redemption the general internet has in the face of the legions of butthurt nerd faggots, and jealous, self-important, hateful, crybaby little piss-ants who will probably never amount to one tenth of what the person whom you misdirect your anger on, HAS accomplished.

      Maybe instead of crying and blubbering and whining about posts from someone who does what she does well and is popular because of it, perhaps you should focus your pathetic butthurt lukewarm nerd rage on other pursuits.

      Such as getting your dickish, self-absorbed, jealous, hateful, negative, sad, miserable, little shit wastes of life off of your faggy blog masturbation sessions, as well as out of your parent's basements, and get laid for once in your lives.

      Delete
    12. What proof do you have that ALTF has accomplished anything besides being an internet asshole? If he's so accomplished, why is his day spent HERE???

      additionally, fuck you.

      Delete
    13. Taken seriously until ALTF described as "a well-liked, amusing abd erudite internet personality".

      Delete
    14. Maybe I'm the first person here to say it but I find whiny, butthurt, pseudo-ointellectual wah-wah-gasisms and forumbound group therepy cock-sucking sessions on the maturity level of a petulant 6-year old, all over one person's posts to soothe their boundless hatred and intolerance of anyone else but their own selves really boring. I have started reading hundreds of pieces of this kind of wanking, crying, blubbering, jealous, hateful, repulsively idiotic masturbatory bullshit response of various lengths and probably finished a dozen throughout my life, not including schoolwork.

      I find it hard to see anyone who does not think like me without immediately engaging a mindset of, "WAHHHHH!!!! SOMEONE'S OPINIONS IS DIFFERENT THAN MINE!!!! I DO NOT LIKE SEEING ANYONE WHO DOES NOT THINK LIKE ME!!!! WAHHHHH!!!!! IT IS EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG WITH TEH INTERWEBZ!!!! I HATE HER!!! WHAAAAAAAA!!! I AM A SEVEN YEAR OLD ON A FORUM WHO WANTS TO BASK IN THE CIRCLE JERKING MASTURBATORY CONFIDENCE OF MY FREINDS TO HATE SOMEONE MORE TALENTED THAN ME WITH MORE FANS THAN I HAVE!!! WHAAAAAAA!!!!! I MUST DECLARE JIHAD ON ALTF BECUASE I AM A SELF-RIGEOUS CUNT CALLING OTHER PEOPLE A SELF-RIGHTEOUS CUNT FOR MAKING POSTS THAT MAKES ME HAVE TEH FURYYY!!! WAHHHHH!!!!!" And that's how my whole faggy blog masturbation session experience goes. Crying and blubbering and whining about posts from someone who does what she does well and is popular because of it makes no point well which can't be better made with reference to getting laid for once in my life. It takes me nowhere without giving me the uncomfortable sense that someone thinks this is where I am supposed to need to be in order to wallow in my own seething jealousy over the opinion of one person or drool stupidity over my worthlessly gang-raped pride. Dickish, self-absorbed, jealous, hateful, negative, sad, miserable, little shit wastes of life idealise; they romanticise; they preach. They fall asleep and they dream. They are a selfish journey away towards the parent's basement.

      The world already has enough that is pointlessly jealous and that is butthurt - and xkcd is far more challenging to confront. ALTF's posts have always seemed like the only kind of redemption the general internet has in the face of the legions of butthurt nerd faggots, and jealous, self-important, hateful, crybaby little piss-ants who will probably never amount to one tenth of what the person whom you misdirect your anger on, HAS accomplished.

      Delete
    15. Maybe I'm the first person here to say it but I find whiny, butthurt, pseudo-ointellectual wah-wah-gasisms and forumbound group therepy cock-sucking sessions on the maturity level of a petulant 6-year old, all over one person's posts to soothe their boundless hatred and intolerance of anyone else but their own selves really boring. I have started reading hundreds of pieces of this kind of wanking, crying, blubbering, jealous, hateful, repulsively idiotic masturbatory bullshit response of various lengths and probably finished a dozen throughout my life, not including schoolwork.

      I find it hard to see anyone who does not think like me without immediately engaging a mindset of, "WAHHHHH!!!! SOMEONE'S OPINIONS IS DIFFERENT THAN MINE!!!! I DO NOT LIKE SEEING ANYONE WHO DOES NOT THINK LIKE ME!!!! WAHHHHH!!!!! IT IS EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG WITH TEH INTERWEBZ!!!! I HATE HER!!! WHAAAAAAAA!!! I AM A SEVEN YEAR OLD ON A FORUM WHO WANTS TO BASK IN THE CIRCLE JERKING MASTURBATORY CONFIDENCE OF MY FREINDS TO HATE SOMEONE MORE TALENTED THAN ME WITH MORE FANS THAN I HAVE!!! WHAAAAAAA!!!!! I MUST DECLARE JIHAD ON ALTF BECUASE I AM A SELF-RIGEOUS CUNT CALLING OTHER PEOPLE A SELF-RIGHTEOUS CUNT FOR MAKING POSTS THAT MAKES ME HAVE TEH FURYYY!!! WAHHHHH!!!!!" And that's how my whole faggy blog masturbation session experience goes. Crying and blubbering and whining about posts from someone who does what she does well and is popular because of it makes no point well which can't be better made with reference to getting laid for once in my life. It takes me nowhere without giving me the uncomfortable sense that someone thinks this is where I am supposed to need to be in order to wallow in my own seething jealousy over the opinion of one person or drool stupidity over my worthlessly gang-raped pride. Dickish, self-absorbed, jealous, hateful, negative, sad, miserable, little shit wastes of life idealise; they romanticise; they preach. They fall asleep and they dream. They are a selfish journey away towards the parent's basement.

      The world already has enough that is pointlessly jealous and that is butthurt - and xkcd is far more challenging to confront. ALTF's posts have always seemed like the only kind of redemption the general internet has in the face of the legions of butthurt nerd faggots, and jealous, self-important, hateful, crybaby little piss-ants who will probably never amount to one tenth of what the person whom you misdirect your anger on, HAS accomplished.

      Delete
    16. Truth reads incredibly like butthurt xkcd fans; how apt.

      Delete
  23. Fat homo mos def.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I have been wanking like crazy to those pictures of Prince Harry. I am so drained my balls may drop off. God, I didn't even know I had this much cum in me. Life is good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ALTF, you forgot to log in.

      Delete
  25. ATLF:

    Not female
    Not Asian
    Not 32
    Not heterosexual
    Not getting laid

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right on the last bit.
      I am definitely not getting laid.

      Delete
  26. Every day, this blog comes one step closer to being entirely about ALTF. Perhaps this is for the best; god know there are still fools that return on a sliver of hope, waiting to be driven away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It took centuries for children to get tired of watching clowns.

      Delete
  27. "Truth"@6:59AM = ALTF. It's impossible that two distinct people so similarly incapable of making a point concisely would end up on the same blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope, as improbable as it would seem, Dionysian Slut is just as incapable, but in a completely different fashion.

      Delete
    2. ALTF is smart enough to use spell-check. Even if his left hand is busy.

      Delete
    3. Capn said,

      "......Nope, as improbable as it would seem, Dionysian Slut is just as incapable, but in a completely different fashion......"

      Of what am I incapable?
      I am very good at what I do - not as good as Rob, but he's a lazy cunt so it is left up to me. Perhaps you do not understand what I do?

      Delete
  28. I get it. The jet engine is ALTF and you fucking losers are the intellectually malnourished twats getting sucked in.

    My front yard smells like bus exhaust and Big Macs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ALTF is like the nutter on the bus who keeps making long speeches quoting irrelevant facts she's obviously read in conspiracy media - the words are there but the music is wanting.

      But half the people riding the bus still engage this poor woman because her performance is good entertainment and, let's face it, it's not as if the bus is providing much of a view up at the top any more.

      Delete
    2. >ALTF
      >woman

      no

      Delete
  29. Randall's really fascinated by rating systems on the internet, isn't he? Somebody should go back and count how many comics he has made about this controversial topic. Then count how many different points he has made about it (from memory, the answer is one).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 9:55's really fascinated by Randall systems on the internet, isn't he? Somebody should go back and count how many comments he has made about this controversial topic. Then count how many different points he has made about it (from memory, the answer is one).

      Delete
    2. I went ahead and did it. He made a total of one comment on it, and two points about it (that Randall has systematically made a lot of rating system comics, that Randall keeps saying the same thing about them). He is also of zero interest.

      Delete
  30. Replies
    1. Actually there was not nearly enough creepiness in 1099.

      To 1099 I therefore offer this also.

      Delete
    2. you'll always have 4 stars on the Yelp of my heart, Anon 1:02

      Delete
    3. 1:14 for next xkcdsucks / goatkcdsucks review.

      Chris Weston Chandler 69.

      Ron Paul 1984.

      etc.

      Delete
  31. I feel as though 1099 should carry on for another four panels (at the least) into hentai. Out with the tentacles, and in with the wings, that's what I say.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Vectors_in_space_2_smaller.jpg

      Delete
  32. open your eyes, fellow lazy fucks! altf is threatening our non-existent unity!

    i love you alty can i call you alty

    ReplyDelete
  33. You can call him Al.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Hi ,
    I have been married for 11 years and i have never entered my penis in my wife vagina,

    I am 5ft 10 and my wife is 4ft 11 and weare having trouble to have another baby.

    We luckily had a child in year 2000, as we got married in 1999 and then me penis did not enter my wife vagina and she still got pregnant.

    My wife she does not like smear test, as when they put the applicator inside her she feels uncomftable.

    when i am trying to have sex my penis is directing to the vagina and then it is bending down or rubbing against between her thighs and sometimes i get sick and tired and it get weak due to it does not go in to her vagina.

    We are trying for more children, but these past 10 years we have been unsucessful,

    i was at a stage to look for another woman to have an affair, as i have never had proper sex.

    Please help or advise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ALTF, it's OK to be gay.

      Also why did everyone hate Ferdinand Marcos? Surely it is better to skim off some money for yourself than give away state assets to half the Old Boys' club. Were people just jealous of Imelda's shoes? I could never love a woman called Imelda. Such an ugly name to shout in bed.

      Delete
  35. http://m1199.photobucket.com/albumview/albums/RecoveringCancerPatient/star_ratings.png.html?o=1

    http://m1199.photobucket.com/albumview/albums/RecoveringCancerPatient/fish-xkcd.jpg.html?o=6

    For some reason, I can't get these to load in a 'live-link'.

    Apologies

    ReplyDelete
  36. Dearest Truth August 23, 2012 6:59 AM,

    Cease and desist!

    ReplyDelete
  37. I have 3 baseball bats.

    ReplyDelete
  38. The recruiter for the NGO 'XXXXXX XXX XXXXXXX' finished her speech with a flurry!

    "Our NGO has a policy against proselytising, but people have a right to talk about their faith. When we register in a country we don't hide the fact we are a Christian organisation. We don't have the attitude that we have to save people, but if people come to us, we are happy about that. Being exposed to different opinions is a basic human right. Whether it's educating your daughters or choosing not to subject them to female genital mutilation or becoming a Muslim or a Christian, the freedom to choose is a right."

    The Tutor and I said in unison: "Really?"

    The Tutor: "Does that include the freedom to choose to terminate a pregnancy?"

    Me: "Does that include the freedom to mutilate your daughter's genitals?"

    S the S(1): "I for one, support male genital mutilation - the uncut penis is an abomination unto the Lord!"

    The Tutor turns to the 10 or so others in this 'Recruitment' forum and says: "Your Witness!"

    (1) 'S the S' represents 'Shilpa the Sherpa' aka 'Teensie Not-Gay', a divine Punjabi girl who often travels the world with the Tutor and me.

    We still received an offer from the Christocunts, but the US Government trumped them by 250k. I like the Yankees, they are generous to a fault.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dearest Anonymous August 25, 2012 10:48 AM,

      tl;dr


      Affectionately,

      VD

      Delete
    2. I apologise.

      That was my very first attempt at that new-fangled 'TXTSPK' all you young people are so mad about these days.
      What I meant to say was your withering riposte of "altf;dr" was 'too long' (tl), with a semi-colon diacritic for some unknown reason, and therefore I 'didn't read' (dr) it.
      The truth is I did read it. Well, the first four letters anyway. Let's face it, I'm as a moth to flame when I see my name.

      Delete
  39. So when are we all going to get together and kill ourselves?

    ReplyDelete