Friday, August 10, 2012

Comic XXX OIympiad: Ann Apolis Does A Guest Post

[Nothing new to report today; here's Ann Apolis's guest post. Regular programming will return when I stop receiving these delightful commentaries on the modern world. -Ed.]

bluarb

190 comments:

  1. I hope you never stop receiving these delightful commentaries on the modern world

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    Replies
    1. What!? But you're supposed to be... dead. Oh my god!!! The Jews stole Rob's account!

      Delete
    2. Oy vey, I've been found out.

      Delete
  2. Yeah like I said the last frame would have sufficed. Two now to get the xkcd stickman innovation in. I like the idea that [insert whoever is supposed to be the evil guy in xkcd] is a wily Jew.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. black hat guy

      or should that be

      BLACK YARMULKE GUY

      Delete
    2. No actually Hasidic Jews are often referred to as black hats! GOOHMR I'm also antisemitic!!

      Delete
    3. Suddenly about half the xkcds make a lot more sense.

      Delete
  3. I hope that evil neoconservative greedy illuminati jew runs out of salt before he can fully disolve Rob's ridiculously fat body.

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  4. For anybody who has never had sex before, this is what it feels like.

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  5. HI WHERE ARE THE BURGER :DDDD

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  6. Why was the original drawing drawing flipped when it is clear that Jews are LEFT wing Marxists looking to undermine RIGHT-thinking America. I smell a conspiracy.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear oh dear.

    Ann Apolis is a cunt!

    And why is that shaker of salt. محمد ياسر عبد الرحمن عبد الرؤوف عرفات القدوة الحسين, not wearing his oddly-arranged keffiyeh - you know, the one meant to resemble the map of "Palestine"?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ALTF, I know you're part of the rich white male plutarchy but I didn't have you down as pro-Israel (except as required at public events).

      captcha: Randsds. Even the captcha generator doesn't care about him any more.

      Delete
    2. "....ALTF, I know you're part of the rich white male plutarchy...."

      "rich" as an adjective modifying "plutarchy"?

      Fucking tautology!

      And might makes right when it comes to part of the state formerly known as 'The British Mandate for Palestine'.

      Delete
    3. Tautology? Merely echoes of the spatial past.

      If might made right then there wouldn't be any Jews to inhabit the historical territory of Palestine.

      Delete
    4. The 'specious past' you mean?

      Might makes right.
      When you lose that might, you lose the squired right.

      Delete
    5. I'm not sure if ALT-F has ever acknowledged my presence before - is this some kind of milestone?

      Has - has she finally noticed me?

      CAPTCHA: ingsalt. How... ORWELLIAN.

      Delete
    6. The main problem was that Germany was prepared to pay more to IBM than America ever would. Had the latter kept up the contract, there could have been a simple change of management at the various rendering plants.

      Would have to be careful not to fall foul of TUPE regulations, but de Gaulle and the socialist post-war British government wouldn't have had any problem teaming up and handling the bureaucracy.

      Delete
    7. Are you mad?
      Work in The City and riding bikes with Boris on the Clapham High Street addled your brains?
      Think back about one or two years, you ignorant Limey cunt.

      Truth be told, the reverse is the case

      I'm so tired
      Tired of waiting
      Tired of waiting for you

      Delete
    8. "....The 'specious past' you mean?...."

      The specious past is temporal.

      Delete
    9. The above is meant for Ann.
      And it's a 'millstone', not a 'milestone'.

      Ah! well a-day! what evil looks
      Had I from old and young!
      Instead of the cross, the Millstone
      About my neck was hung.

      Delete
    10. A few days ago I rewrote those lines for an entirely different discussion, but with, "Not a bird in this tale - the Daily Mail".

      *takes a visit down memory hole*

      Delete
    11. Your syllabic cadence is fucked!

      The Daily Mail?
      Oh dear!

      Delete
    12. A horrid braino, sorry - I'd originally written "No bird".

      Although albatross/millstone? Oy!

      Delete
    13. The poem was meant for Ann.
      Accordingly, her being a swarthy Welsh tart and all, she is quite aware that 'millstone,' in that consonant-philic and vowel-phobic cacophony of sequential grunts known as the Welsh language, is pronounced, 'ann girl's dross'

      Besides, do as I say, not as I do.

      Delete
    14. Hmmm.. no.

      Do you speak Lao Song?

      Delete
    15. Do you speak Fuck Off?

      Your sperm is in the gutter.
      Your love is in the sink.
      Your greasy fingers smearing
      Shabby clothes, I think.

      Delete
    16. I wish I was Welsh. I'd have a glossolalic sing-song Celtic accent instead of this hybrid of Kate Nash and Reggie Kray that the Bow Bells cursed me with at birth!

      Your baby 'as gone down the plug'ole
      Your poems are as of a mug's
      The clodhoppinh rhymes are so behind the times
      But don't think that I give a fugg (give a fugg)

      Delete
    17. ".....glossolalic sing-song Celtic accent....."

      You mean like the keening ululations of Tom Jones?
      Meh!
      I'd prefer the mellifluous and dulcet tones of Audrey Hepburn (gaw ahn...shift yer bloomin' aahrse!) any day.

      Delete
    18. "...Do you speak Fuck Off?..."

      Little Blue, how do you do.
      Your smile looks like heaven
      But your eyes hold a storm about to brew.

      Also I don't want to put consonants in Ann's mouth but I think he means Cerys Matthews.

      Delete
    19. You don't back a horse called Striding Snail.
      You don't name your boat Titanic II.

      Yes I fucking well would!

      Cerys Matthews?
      Fuck me! An ug-chub Cymru cunt if ever there was one.

      Delete
    20. I went to a *thing* recently and the management dragged her in to perform on the last day. She did a fair La Tarara, which you of all people should appreciate.

      Delete
    21. "...An ug-chub Cymru cunt..."

      Every body eventually becomes boring - women who start off ugly evade disappointment. So their providers must maintain a supply of fresh 16 year old protégées, which you of all &c.

      (I love you really, ALTF.)

      Delete
  8. I read through Randall's "What If?" articles. I don't know how accurate they are, but they're a lot more entertaining than xkcd. I can even understand people finding them enjoyable.

    I don't think I'll bother reading them again. I'm sticking to xkcd, which I can always denounce as being absolute shit.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Randall Munroe 2012. we can make. this. happen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. By 'we' I presume you mean those with both American citizenship and possessed of the right to vote for such?

      Unlike us, right?

      Delete
    2. Jew loving women shouldn't have ANY rights, sorry

      Delete
    3. There's a triangle for that.

      Delete
    4. ALTF, please tell me you're a troll. I don't want to believe that there actually are people like you out there.

      Delete
    5. Surely the only people who might mistake ALTF as intelligent would be people who have never had to sit through over-talkative undergraduates trying to sound impressive at tutorials. I've always figured her/his intention to be a parody of those garrulous bores, anyway.

      Delete
    6. ALTF is both intelligent and a garrulous bore.

      Delete
    7. Maybe the person behind ALTF is. There's no way to tell. The ALTF persona, however, sticks to superficial namedropping. An awareness of a wide variety of topics is no substitute for an understanding of them.

      Delete
    8. Fast recollection and sorting of information is half of intelligence.

      We've no evidence from here that ALTF has, say, the pattern-matching ability that would allow it to regularly make successful invesments, conquests in love, etc. So that half could be missing, and might explain its attachment to its "tutor".

      But half of it is certainly there. And it's very entertaining watching people nip at its heels. The fact that it presents itself as female means it has the edge for winding up insecure men.

      Of course, ALTF may not be any one at all. (Take that grin off your face.)

      Delete
    9. Ann Apolis:
      -
      Funny, but I was talking about extreme pedants.

      Delete
    10. Instantly whipping out your pedant penis is half of intelligence, evidently. :c

      Delete
    11. "The ALTF persona, however, sticks to superficial namedropping. An awareness of a wide variety of topics is no substitute for an understanding of them."

      holy shit... altf is randall munroe

      Delete
    12. rob is altf is randall munroe

      Delete
    13. Calvin lay there in bed, next to his tiger. His fourteenth birthday was tomorrow. He was getting older, puberty striking at his mind, voice, and body. He kissed Hobbes on the cheek, puling him closer and thanking him for being his friend.
      Then it happened. It had been happening often since he was thirteen and he had no control over it. His erection tented his boxers, pressing against his friend's rump.
      "Stop.." Hobbes mumbled with a growl, pushing him away.
      Calvin turned onto his back, pulling his under shorts down and revealing his standing pillar, about five inches. Average, he figured.
      He shook Hobbes awake. He didn't wake easily and grumbled and growled, but eventually sat up. "What, Calvin?" He asked angrily, wanting very much to go back to sleep.
      "I love you."
      "I love you too.." Hobbes said awkwardly. 'What is this about?' He wondered.
      "Do you really love me?"
      "Yeah, why?" Hobbes sat up further, sleep forgotten.
      "I want to mate with you.." Calvin blushed.
      "Wait! What? You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
      I whistled for a cab and when it came near the liscence plate said "fresh" and had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I though "nah, forget it, yo home to Bel Air"!
      I pulled up to the house at about seven or eight, yelled to the cabbie, yo homes, smell you later. Looked at my kingdom, and I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel Air.

      Delete
    14. Sorry, Anon@7:54. It's impossible to suck the goodness from Calvin&Hobbes. Better people than you have tried.

      Delete
  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ann, this is your mother here. How dare you post filth like that? Utterly unacceptable! I demand that you delete it right now, or I will disown you from the family.

      Delete
    2. No, this is your mother.

      Also this is what "quirky" art should be like.

      Delete
    3. man, I wish Laurie Anderson was my mother :-(

      among other things, my real mother never had a #2 hit single

      (and of course she appeared on the #1 single "Perfect Day" but that was credited to Various Artists and IS THIS BORING YOU YET)

      Delete
    4. "......among other things, my real mother never had a #2 hit single......"

      Strange? My tutor says she was always 'Number One With A Bullet' on his hit parade.

      Delete
  11. Cry out earth, for your children have turned out to be good for nothing mooches, interested only in the worthless extension of their meandering worldliness! Oh woe woe woe

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  12. Inb4 when will we forget xkcd?
    (autocorrect already has... ;-( )

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anyone notice there's been a lot of interview comics recently?

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  14. It's good to see Randall finally admit that the supernatural is more interesting than science. Next step is admitting than Christians are better people than him. Next step is suicide.

    ReplyDelete
  15. There isn't enough salt on the PLANET to dissolve this fat hipster snail cunt!!!!!!!! HRHGHRHFHRTGH

    HE'S SITTING UP THERE ON HIS WALL LIKE SOME KIND OF CLUELESS EGG......... CUNT

    SHUT IT LOVE ACTUALLY

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my days! it's Jhawh, the psychotic alterego of Yahweh with learning difficulties.

      Delete
  16. Anonymous August 12, 2012 2:51 AM said,

    ".....The fact that it[ALTF] presents itself as female means it has the edge for winding up insecure men....."

    Men are like Chemistry Sets, the joy is in discovering what sets them off.

    Anonymous August 12, 2012 2:17 AM said,

    "......An awareness of a wide variety of topics is no substitute for an understanding of them......"

    It is a necessary prerequisite though. Innit?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Remember when you used to set me off? I need to take a sildenafil citrate pill for your posts to have the same effect now. My generic geriatric is just jelly without that juice.

      Captcha: toClown

      Delete
    2. ".....Remember when you used to set me off?....."

      Memories, like the corners of my mind.
      Misty water-coloured memories
      Of the way we were.

      Like a ride at Disneyland, yes? Thirty minutes waiting in line for a mere 30 seconds of fun.

      Delete
    3. Your embellishments redden my face. I'm getting all pocahaunty over here.

      Delete
    4. "pocahaunty"?

      Is that like experiencing a 'sacajawiener'?

      Delete
    5. No doubt!
      Is pemmican involved? You know, a bit of tallow for a better jerky and the appropriate gentleman's finish?

      Delete
    6. All the easier to Mack n' Naw I say!

      Delete
    7. Mackinaw?

      Are you mad?

      It took me four fucking days to hitchhike from Saginaw. I'm done looking for America.

      And a rock feels no pain.
      And an island never cries.

      Delete
    8. At least you didn't hitchhike from Pontiac to "The Strait". Would've taken you at least four days to heal from your Terrapin Powwow.

      But that's only if you take the train.

      The legend lives on from the Ojibwe on down
      of the big lake they called Gichigami.

      Delete
    9. 'twas the witch of November come stealin'

      I see you corrected Mr. Lightfoot's lyrics. Do not fuck with the Maestro or you'll see his Motor City madness touch your countryside.

      In the mansion of the governor
      There's nothing that is known for sure
      The telephone is ringing
      And the pendulum is swinging
      And they wonder how it happened
      And they really know the reason
      And it wasn't just the temperature
      And it wasn't just the season

      Black day in July

      Delete
    10. Terrapins make good eating by the way.

      Delete
    11. Don't you tell me 'bout th' '67 riots ya fake eurotrash, twin city dwellin', harlet cumquat!

      He is the image of Alberta
      The side street near Chicago
      The grim beauty of Toronto

      He is an artist
      He is an artist

      Delete
    12. Hey!
      I spent time in Paris!
      I am authentic Eurotrash!
      And cumquats are a tad too 'fleshy' and 'acidic' to be anthropomorphically reflective of yours truly.
      Which twin cities? Sodom and Gomorrah?

      And it's 'harlot' ya unlettered cunt!

      The Guess Who sucked until they became, sort of, BTO.

      Delete
    13. Don't you use your unfettered vowels with me strumpot!

      Delete
    14. You'd prefer them fettered then?
      Oh dear.
      BDSM are we?

      Delete
  17. You've got a nerve saying that XKCD sucks then posting this drivel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You've got a nerve saying that this hate-blog sucks then posting this drivel.

      Delete
    2. You've got a nerve posting this obesegenic drivel leading, as it does, to the all too expected proadipogenic response in the innocent reader.

      Delete
    3. Rob is comprised entirely of proadipogenic action amirite?

      Delete
    4. yes. yes, u r rite

      Delete
  18. ive never been more ashamed to like neutral milk hotel

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm bored and want attention

      Delete
    2. who is this emily person

      Delete
    3. Blunt?
      Or perhaps Brontë?
      If the latter, it would be wise of you to resolve her unresolved passion with Heathcliff before it eventually destroys them and all of us.

      Out On the wiley, windy moors
      We'd roll and fall in green
      You had a temper, like my jealousy
      Too hot, too greedy
      How could you leave me
      When I needed to possess you?
      I hated you, I loved you too.

      Loves me some Kate Bush!

      Delete
    4. Unresolved passion? More like repressed obsession.

      Well, that's what the bespectacled would like you to think. I see only tedious sadomasochism and a challenge issued by the author to herself to use more adjectives than any novel ever written.

      I think WH's worst legacy is that it gave Ayn Rand the confidence that a logorrheic crone with no reedeming message can still amass a popular following.

      Delete
    5. that's silly. NMH were the best band ever

      Delete
    6. Anon 3:53 - well she's a woman, what else did you expect?

      Delete
    7. Dearest Emily,

      If you are male, you are indeed one big thrush-festooned and prolapsed cunt and a half.

      If you are female, you should be ashamed.

      If you are none-of-the-above, You are lucky.

      Delete
    8. Dearest ALTF,

      Unresolved passions and repressed obsessions are symptoms of a mind with hunger that cannot be sated by this world. I love romance, danger and mystery - and what I have been given thus far is thin soup for one such as myself. Let me just say that I relate to her, as means to defend myself from your judgment.

      I often worry that what I seek, I will never find.

      Also, I was joking.

      Love,

      Emily

      Delete
    9. DISREGARD THAT

      I SUCK COCKS!!!

      Delete
    10. Dearest Emily,

      You love romance, danger and mystery and have yet to be sufficiently regaled with such? Have you considered self-inducing a state of schizophrenia? Or better yet adopting a dissociative identity disorder? My friends who have done just that tell me their hunger(s) are well and truly sated.

      It is not possible, however, no matter the number of identities you might engender and harbour, to defend yourselves from my judgement.

      Also, I was not.

      Love,

      ALTF

      Delete
    11. DISREGARD THAT

      I SUCK COCKS!!!

      Delete
    12. Dearest ALTF,

      I did not realize the trap I was walking into with this conversation and thus am at a stark disadvantage. Can I raise a white flag and live to fight another day? I suppose part of the problem is the word "given" implied that I believe I deserve to have life bring out a cart of deserts to choose from and I was dissatisfied with what was presented to me.

      Also, I recognize and appreciate that you don't care, but I fought hard and struggled to be who I am and to have what I have. I have one identity and I earned it - so, if you want to judge me that is your prerogative...

      Love,

      Emily

      Delete
    13. Dearest Emily,

      You are at a disadvantage only if you choose to espouse such a position. Life is meant to present to you a cart awash with deserts from which you may freely choose your distractions. It is your right, nay, your duty, to be dissatisfied with the array if it does not please.

      You are quite incorrect if you adjudge that I do not care. I care deeply. My caring is unquestioning and unconditional. My level of endearment is unswerving and complete.
      That you have 'fought hard and struggled to be who [you are] and to have what [you] have' is very distressing for me. I was accorded all that I could possibly ever need or want without as much as uttering a word. My judgement of you is not a matter of prerogative; it is an obligation. A Noblesse oblige we of the 'U' owe to you of the 'Non U'. A 'White Man's Burden', as it were, though I am neither of those.

      Salutations,

      ALTF

      Delete
    14. DISREGARD THAT

      I SUCK COCKS!!!

      Delete
    15. What the fuck is all this hug box drivel doing on my hateblog?

      Delete
    16. A cart of deserts? A world through a grain of sand? Multiple universe theory?

      Delete
    17. I am surprised you don't see the 'hate' Capn.

      Try harder!

      Delete
    18. Oh ho! I see you changed it to salutations instead of love.

      I am corrected ...

      palmface.bmp

      Delete
    19. Dearest Capn,

      Your incessant use of Pop Culture idioms/references irks me and is probably responsible for frightening Miss Emily away. It is not often you easily emasculated male wannabes have such a gamine dropped in your bumpy laps.

      Consolingly yours,

      ALTF

      Delete
    20. Sup ALTF,

      Emily is more of an idea than a person, you should be familiar with this concept.

      ttyl,

      capn

      Delete
    21. Emily is indeed flesh and blood!
      Living and breathing!
      With wants, desires and diminished expectations!
      She SHALL be respected!

      And I am not even an idea.

      Delete
    22. Capn, O Capn! thou kisseth ass for fun;
      Thy tongue has sought out every crack and crevice of her buns;
      But though its clear, though dost not hear, her tone of voice insulting;
      O cold cruel heart! it cannot feel, the aching heart you're baring:

      Delete
    23. Your catalectic verse grates my friend.

      My buns are void of crack and crevice
      Your affections sure to be undone.
      The Bulbospongiosus is
      Like Laa Laa has within.

      Delete
    24. To whom it may concern,

      I don't even... ummm... huh. Ok. Clearly I've wandered somewhere and am "out of my league"

      Sincerely,

      Emily

      Delete
    25. ALTF, ALTF, thy teeth resist!
      On thy sweet lawn my love and I kissed.

      xkcd cannot compare
      To the sweet solace that I found there.

      Delete
    26. Everyone needs to pay attention to how much better I am than all of you.

      Delete
    27. But O heart! heart! heart!
      O lips all stained with red,
      Scarce does his nascent fancy fly,
      (But) ass consumes his head.

      Delete
    28. Dearest Emily,

      You have not wandered into a place where 'out of your league'. In keeping with your sports/baseball metaphor, perhaps you might consider changing the position you play?

      You intoned you were 'bored' and wanted 'attention'.
      Perhaps you should have been more specific as to the 'type' of attention you required?

      To embrace the concept of irony or sarcasm, and the use thereof, is a necessity if you wish to remain.

      Delete
    29. Your friends are too easily grated. 12:16 Whitman scoffs at your sneaky syllables.

      Delete
    30. Dearest "blog",

      Though you say that xkcd "sucks", you actually "suck".

      Sincerely,

      The millions of xkcd fans from junior high to MIT to Google.

      Delete
    31. My syllables have been called many things over the years, but never have they been called 'sneaky'.

      I quite like it!

      Delete
    32. 'Dearest "blog",

      Though you say that xkcd "sucks", you actually "suck".

      Sincerely,

      The millions of xkcd fans from junior high to MIT to Google.
      '

      sick burn

      Delete
    33. Dear ALTF,

      Actually this is more or less the attention I was looking for. I am often a lurker here (not out of a passionate hatred for XKCD, but merely as someone with a desk job that can get slow occasionally) but tend not to get involved in the witty repartee that goes along with being a member of this niche group because:

      1) abject terror, how can someone like me survive in a place of whimsical madness/genius like this?
      2) the bar was set high with Pseudonyms and I was afraid I'd be mocked because my feeble attempt at one. I thought going with my given Christian name would give a signal of submissiveness so as to spare me from the barbs. Maybe I should rethink that idea.
      3) i had, and have, nothing to add.

      By the way, today's xkcd is not funny but I consider it decent because it at least makes a coherent point. Lowered expectations indeed.

      All the best,

      Emily

      Delete
    34. "12:16 Whitman scoffs at your sneaky syllable"

      why must everything be about you? :c

      Delete
    35. Emily,

      No-one here is who they seem.

      Yours,

      You.

      Delete
    36. Dearest Emily,

      You do not belong here - you are much too normal and well-adjusted.

      "....a place of whimsical madness/genius like this?...."

      Que?
      Maybe you do belong here! That's quite humourous.

      As far as the unlettered and innumerate cunts around here are concerned, the moniker 'niche' group is quite apropos. The niche is normally occupied by allocoprophag-ots.

      Submissiveness is no protection; I wish it were. It is taken as a sign of weakness and if XKCDsucks is anything, it is red of tooth and claw.

      Forever respectfully yours,

      ALTF

      Delete
    37. Emily,

      If only all women were as easily impressed.

      Inadequately yours, etc.

      Delete
    38. I like the way ALTF plays the feminist when she's not the ultimate macho dream.

      Delete
    39. Feminist???!!!???!?

      Fuck off, cunt!
      I hail from a matriarchal society wherein the word 'feminist' has no currency.

      You're right about the ultimate macho dream bit though - don't you wish you had my 'flanges'?

      'Flanges' - female variant of 'stones', 'balls' et cetera?

      Delete
    40. I like the way ALTF posts the same picture of a woman in a bikini on several posts on several blogs, all of which feature implausible narratives containing conspicuous descriptions of how universally she is loved and admired (and a recurring novelty transfag).

      Delete
    41. ".....I like the way ALTF posts the same picture...."

      I didn't post it, my tutor did.
      And those fucking narratives are actually mild compared to what the animal could describe.

      That red swim costume?
      Helps with your corrosive 'pully, pully, grunt, snore' though. Innit?
      I'm in email contact with the cute thing in yellow. Do you wish to communicate with her/him too?

      Delete
    42. Ermmmmm.....
      Ahhhh.......
      Not Laa Laa, the other one in the yellow swim costume on another of my tutor's myriad blogs.
      Though if you want Laa Laa, I'm sure Ann Apolis could arrange it - he is a Brit after all.

      Delete
    43. what other blogs is ALTF on? I would like to become like her (she is my hero) so cyberstalking seems the best method of learning her tricks.

      Delete
    44. Where am I and where will I be?

      I'll be all around in the dark - I'll be everywhere. Wherever you can look - wherever there's a fight, so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad. I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry and they know supper's ready, and when the people are eatin' the stuff they raise and livin' in the houses they build - I'll be there, too.

      Delete
    45. I don't know why, but Emily is beginning to sound more and more like an ironic parody of our ironic parody of ...

      Delete
    46. that could not be further from the truth. I am sincerely fascinated by the culture that has evolved here and would like to be an "insider". Because I lack certain qualities that would allow me to seamlessly slide in unnoticed, I am hoping that honesty and earnestness will ingratiate me with the denizens of this blog despite the fact that those qualities are usually mocked here. I may lack the guile and sense of irony needed, but I can learn :)

      Delete
    47. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    48. Give your ill-mannered caution to the Amenoi, my dear. Throw off your literary cryptorchidism and descend into cool, fresh freedom!

      Delete
    49. Dearest Emily,

      Be careful about that for which you wish.
      You will NOT slide in seamlessly and unnoticed.

      A) You are female - your oestrogen will betray you.

      B) You have an excellent command of the Queen's English - you are, by definition, an outsider amidst the unlettered gomerel here 'bouts.

      C) Have you seen the movie "All About Eve"?
      You remind me of the titular Eve.
      And I am Margo, and of course, Miss Claudia Casswell too - obviously. I will watch as you insinuate yourself into Rob's blog and supplant me.
      Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night.

      Delete
    50. "....You have an excellent command of the Queen's English - you are, by definition, an outsider amidst the unlettered gomerel here 'bouts...."

      One should approach language as one approaches love - with the firing of as many bodily functions as possible, sphincteralgia be damned!

      Delete
    51. Some people's avatars are so off putting that communication must be forfeited.

      Delete
    52. Miss Claudia Caswell: Oh, waiter!
      Addison DeWitt: That is not a waiter, my dear, that is a butler.
      Miss Claudia Caswell: Well, I can't yell "Oh butler!" can I? Maybe somebody's name is Butler.
      Addison DeWitt: You have a point. An idiotic one, but a point.
      Miss Claudia Caswell: I don't want to make trouble. All I want is a drink.
      Max Fabian: Leave it to me. I'll get you one.
      Miss Claudia Caswell: Thank you, Mr. Fabian.
      Addison DeWitt: Well done! I can see your career rise in the east like the sun.

      Delete
    53. Free spirits are often consumed by the moral outrage of the fettered and unlettered. That's why I must dispense my wisdom in expensive, hard-won shots.

      Delete
    54. Sheesh!
      Will at least one of the Emily's come back!
      I'm bored and want attention.

      Delete
    55. What are you jiving on about? Emily has been inside us all the whole time. She is just now cumming out.

      Delete
    56. How curious! I'm 'stiff as a' and 'standing to', as it were.

      And alas, my lass, what leads you to believe that an Emily is not here right now?

      Delete
  19. 1093: Randall is feeling old again :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually liked that one. I was expecting it to be boring like all the other similar (pseudo)comics which he did before, but I was suprised by the clever subversion in the ending.

      Delete
  20. hay guys who does this remind you of: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/600570

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone who comments on a hateblog?

      Delete
  21. FUCK FUCK FUUUUCK I REALLY LIKE THE NEW XKCD NOW WHAT DO I DO

    ReplyDelete
  22. Replies
    1. Oh sweet I have mod points.

      Delete
    2. (+4, Insightful) for saying "xkcd is the least childish comic EVER"? Stop using sockpuppets to mod up, Capn.

      Delete
    3. Never. Not as long as /. is still relevant ... oh wait.

      Delete
    4. The depressing thing is that there is nothing better than what Slashdot used to be.

      Delete
    5. What about Reddit? ... oh wait

      Delete
    6. What is depressing is that you know what Slashdot is.

      The modern Internet world keeps me in a constant state of irksome vexation.
      The rate of intellectual decline in humanity is so great that I suspect I will not be able to find a competent man-servant to serve me coffee when in my dotage in 40 years.

      Delete
    7. You misspelled kuro5hin ... oh wait

      Delete
    8. @1239 maybe you should go write a hate blog about it if you hate it so much

      Delete
    9. ALTF, I expect some of the people here were using Slashdot before you were old enough to grow a lady garden.

      Delete
    10. Before I was even fucking born no doubt!
      Still, its viewing betrays an inner idiocy that is wont to cause me chagrin.
      And those elderly feckers will be of no use to me when I'm 70 anyway!

      Delete
    11. And yet here you are using the systems built by people whose nursery was the early Slashdot.

      You're like one of those tedious neocons who uses the Internet to preach about how the government never produces anything of worth.

      Delete
    12. yes altf we understand that you're 30. what other subtle revelations will you bequeath to us?

      Delete
    13. Sometimes the dopple-ganging and troll baiting and ironic shit posting gets so deep that its really hard to tell if someone is truly an idiot anymore, then I go and post something and everybody has their point of origin for failure again.

      Delete
    14. You are our rock, Capn. And we are forever in your debt.

      I am 32.
      I look 15.
      Not subtle enough?

      Delete
    15. I remember when this used to be about a reasonable critique of an unreasonably smug webcomic.

      Delete
    16. You wish you looked 15 because your tutor's fuckbuddy is 16.

      Delete
    17. I wish I looked 12 actually. Then I'd appeal to Gary Glitter and Pete Townshend - they're both richer than my tutor.

      Delete
    18. Hah! You wish you looked like me - you'd have a whole parade of saccharine fathers to keep you in Merlot and Gorau Glau.

      Delete
    19. The folks in Thailand tend to slur their separately identifiable pronunciation of the letters 'L' and 'R', but even they, usually, write the words correctly.

      Golau Glau

      Delete
    20. Thank you, friend, for your erroneous correction. Shame and confusion are so frequently found in together, yet they make such an unseemly pairing. Lucky for the both of us that we are beyond such cares!

      Of course I meant Gorau Glas.

      Delete
  23. Hating on a silly little web-comic is a waste of one's time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Could you prove this?
      Or are you merely expressing an opinion.
      Perhaps you mean to proffer a premise and then advancing an argument to support it?

      XKCD is neither silly nor little by the way.

      Delete
    2. Ah, the wasting of time is the thing - with such joyous dalliances and gay proclivities, how can one do anything but waste away?

      Delete
    3. ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

      Delete
  24. I thought this site was about criticizing xkcd?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. this was always carl's intention

      Delete
    2. You know, instead of internet stalking me to find my friend's names so you can impersonate them and creep me out, you could have just asked me to leave...

      Delete
    3. Being wrong was always Carl's intention?

      Delete
  25. Replies
    1. It was what? The Jews?

      obv

      Delete
    2. Stop being a fag Capn

      Delete
  26. le happy merchant

    ReplyDelete