Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Comics 991-992: Ten Years!

991.
phantom menace

The going theory on this one is thatt itt is meant to be a reference to the imminent re-re-re-re-re-release of Star Wars (ONE LAST TIME), this time in 3D! WOO 3D! YEAH! I guess the joke is thatt these people have been waitting for sometthing like ten years? And are still waitting? Is this meant to be funny? I can't really tell how.

992.
mnemonics

Look att me! I'm making a list of LOLRANDOM humor, coupled witth various geeky mnemonics! This time the mnemonics are also slightly geeky! OOOO!

I have gone on record before saying thatt I hatte this fucking shottgun humor. Itt doesn't help his case thatt some of the existing mnemonics are already reasonably amusing--"King Philip Came Over For Good Sex?" Thatt's seriously the mnemonic you're replacing witth your boring alternattives aboutt Katty Perry and kernel panics?

Itt turns outt thatt if you throw enough jokes outt there, some of them will stick. WHO KNEW?

168 comments:

  1. What do geologic periods have to do with contraceptive blister packs? Aren't people with advanced cancer sterile?

    Also mnemonics don't work for me. It just means having to remember the mnemonic too [i]and[/i] they only give the first letter anyway. Perhaps I don't have the LOL QUIRKY RANDOM = FUNNY AND MEMORABLE gene.

    That having been said, even I see the ROY G BiV sitting right in the middle of the resistor colour code list. Aren't scientists supposed to recognise patterns?

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  2. scientists are. randy is nott a scientist. he is a science fan.

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  3. Hm, is there such a thing as science fan death?

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  4. whatt is going on witth tthe tts?

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  5. the tits? chemo i expect. mastectomy would be safest but no milk => randy leaves her.

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  6. What's going on with the double Ts? Looks like I'm reading a facebook wall of some thirteen year old kid.

    Which, I suppose, isn't much different to reading xkcdsucks.com

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  7. Yeah, xkcdsucks.com has as much content as a facebook wall of some thirteen year old kid.

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  8. I never knew black brown was a color

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  9. Wojie why you gotta hate? They just want to feel included, haven't you ever felt that feeling? If black and brown off themselves we will know who to blame (it will be you) =[

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  10. @Wojjie
    There is a whole sub color range of brown, or any other color really. Black Brown is a color, and so is White Brown (some call this Yellow-Bone).

    My favorite brown is Neon-Brown. You can make this color yourself by combining Hot Pink and Neon Green (absorptive combine, not emissive).

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  11. Anyone else notice that on the most recent episode of the Mentalist they were talking about mnemonics?

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  12. "Black brown" is like "African American": you dilute background and suggest some sort of affinity to the USA by adding "American" then allowing them the privileges any second class citizen deserves.

    Notice how "White" doesn't have "American" after it because "White" is primary colour for America.

    Randy's strip is a bulwark in the Western caucasian hegemony, his comma and comic omission doubly doubly so.

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  13. Hitchens, Havel and Kim Jong-il?
    (Mnemonic: Hell Hath Kunts)
    This reminds BP of that late summer week in that fateful year 1997 when we, the good people of Earth, lost 'The Good, the Bad and the Ugly(1)'.

    It was meaningless to me - I was a teenager and didn't give a shite.

    (1) Lady Diana Spencer, Mobutu Sese Seko and Teresa of Calcutta.

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  14. Wait, Kim Jong is dead? I didn't even know he was Il.



    (I am not sorry.)

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  15. The much anticipated Purolator package and confirming email have arrived.

    I shall alight upon the tarmac of BKK in the wonderful Land of Smiles in the wee hours of December 26, 2011 - Economy Class this time, shite. Thankfully, I will be missing entirely that most odious of christian holidays in the stygian embrace of Morpheus himself as I depart International Falls, MN at noon on the 24th.
    Until then, I will he here.

    (I too am not sorry)

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  16. I feel bad for you GayBatman. No one cares enough to follow your own blog, so you have to hijack this one's comments...

    ...and still no one gives a fuck.

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  17. Batmen, gayer or otherwise, can not hijack that which has been previously hijacked by yours truly.

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  18. Oh wait!
    I'm the GayBatman, right?
    You cunts can't afford to follow the genius of Sterculian Rhetoric - it cowers behind an impenetrable pay-wall.

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  19. I think 991 is supposed to be a joke on the fact that no-one likes the phantom menace... Though is it released two months too early to have a chance to be funny.

    It might also be just Randy fantasizing about Megan's boobs milking in 3D in every theater. We'll never know.

    Captcha: bustru. Bust ready tu rupture with milk.

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  20. Geographic source of paid-up and currently on-line readers of the great BP at 12:37:42 PM, New York time, December 20, 2011.

    United States 239
    Canada 61
    United Kingdom 61
    Taiwan 21
    Australia 8
    Finland 8
    Germany 7
    Brazil 6
    Netherlands 5
    Czech Republic 3
    Pakistan 1

    Sadly, none from Macedonia or Myanmar and the rest of the Far East is under-represented because it is the middle of the night for them.

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  21. macedonia is in europe you dumb cunt

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  22. Paywall? Also your keeper has his dates slightly off - Mobutu died on the day of Diana's funeral, a week after she died. One of the darker gentlemen at my very minor public school went on to work with him.

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  23. Macedonia is not even real you dumber cunt.

    BP took poetic licence with the length of a week.
    Don't be too envious of BP though. The cunt is sitting on 15,000 shares of RIMM: "It'll go up again. You'll see"

    What a maroon.

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  24. There’s none so foul and foolish thereunto,
    But does foul pranks which fair and wise ones do.

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  25. Who the fuck learned it as King Phillip Came Over For Good Sex? Why the hell would they teach that to school children (Especially in America of all countries)?

    I was always told King Phillip Came Over From Germany Singing, which is completely irrelevant but was this just Randall trying to be cool or something?

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  26. I hate Christopher Marlowe

    She never yet was foolish that was fair,
    For even her folly helped her to an heir.

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  27. 14 years, 1 month and 4 days since Diana's death, AnonymousDecember 20, 2011 at 11:03 AM

    If it were done, when 'tis done, then 'twere well
    It were done quickly. If Jobs' assassination
    Could trammel up the consequence, and catch
    With his surcease, RIMMing: that but this blow
    Might be the be-all and the end-all—here,
    But here, upon this bank and shoal of time,
    We'd jump the life to come.

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  28. fuck it, that should have been Jobs'assination

    one day i'll read what i type

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  29. This is the shitties review ever.

    Are those typos' put there on purpose?

    The review is shittier than 991. And that's saying something.

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  30. @Anon '11 -11 11:11, your and idiot.

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  31. No, I'm not. By all society's usual metrics, I'm confident I'm the smartest poster here. Statistically, I'm almost certain to be the smartest person in any random group numbering less than a thousand.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Well the xkcd sucks community numbers around 5 million, so that't not that impressive.

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  33. Think harder, Scott. Or ask your teacher.

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  34. @ Anonycunt @ 11:33 AM,

    Which society?
    And what about by unusual metrics?
    Like scrotum capacity?

    ReplyDelete
  35. I can't take the medical profession seriously in the UK until its union kicks out members who work for ATOS.

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  36. ALTF, I'm assuming you went to Oxbridge, in which case you'll probably have had the "what is Earth's cow-carrying capacity" question. I would like to answer your question by assuming that you're asking how many scrota I could ferry by sewing them all over my body. Could I first have clarification on whether these scrota are seed-bearing?

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  37. I doubt all colleges ask that question, 11:53.

    captcha: coculcar: an eye, a cock and an ass, vaguely mobile. See also: the branches of US government.

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  38. Your straw man is noted, 11:59. Your renaming and overuse of the scarecrow metaphor is noted, America.

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  39. My education, such as it is, took place in Colombia, France and a little 'vocational' training in the Canadas.
    The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland played no part.

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  40. Perhaps it was one of your imposters who talked many months ago about studying in England. Please tell me you were at Paris V.

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  41. Paris V?
    Not bloody likely.

    I do have many 'imposters' - go figure.

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  42. ALTF studied at the world renowned International Falls University.

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  43. I did indeed darken its door regularly, albeit only to drink cheap cider and smoke cigarettes.

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  44. The French concours system is absurd. Instead of actually admitting you on your potential then passing you on your ability, a huge group are admitted to a year of teaching then ~80% expelled after the first year (similar in later years) based on intermediate exam marks relative to others. At the end you have in many schools the absurd situation where only the top 40 scores are allowed, say, to go into surgery - it doesn't matter whether you have a specific aptitude or interest in surgery.

    The whole "entrance coaching" system is bullshit and doesn't produce good practitioners - it produces good exam-passers. I know this because I am a good exam-passer.

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  45. BP is a good gas-passer.

    BP also entered his 1986 Skoda 120 GLS in the prestigious "Concours d'LeMons" event in International Falls, MN in 1987.

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  46. Liberté, egalité, and costly private tutors. Same story in India, I hear...?

    How can one be a bad gas-passer? In a way which isn't picked up fairly quickly, I should add.

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  47. 1:19, perhaps some of them get increasingly aggressive at the pre-op patient meet&greet?

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  48. Indeed, Anonycunt @ 1:23, indeed they do.

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  49. Sometimes a gas-passer likes his patient. For everyone else there's midazolam.

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  50. Last time I went under I woke up a couple of minutes after being sewn up, screaming as if in pain. Or at least that's what they told me. I guess I'd been Rohypnol'd to hide what the bastards actually did. And all for a simple lap chol, the offending organ being practically embedded in my liver.

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  51. 1:50, that's not unusual.

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  52. Rob, is something wrong with your T key, or have you become a homestuck troll?

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  53. rob is stuck at home yes. his bedroom door isn't wide enough and he's out of butter

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  54. look
    nobody told me i was supposed to use the butter to grease the door
    i just ate it
    this is not my fault

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  55. On the subject of entrance testing, I had a good grasp of English, Spanish, French, German, Latin and Russian by my 15th birthday. I did an MCAT, used as a pre-interview filter for some uni courses, and scored well. I also found a practice test for something called the "DLAB" which is used to screen potential Americunt military linguists - I failed horribly. (Thank goodness I wasn't planning a US military career.)

    The latter test involves three or four very narrow exercises, and the opinion is that your ability to become an effective foreign linguist is measurable based on your performance on these exercises. The crowning bullshit is the requirement to multiple-choice-select the "correct" spoken sentence based on an increasing number of rules which modify English as she is normally spoken, e.g.

    "Adjectives come after the nouns they're describing."

    "All verbs end with an 'oh' sound."

    So ten questions in you're supposed to have retained all these rules and be able to instantly apply them to reject sentences which do not conform to all rules presented so far. You hear each sentence only once, and do not get to see it in written form.

    This essentially wipes out everyone who learns primarily by reading/writing or visually or by pattern-matching. Languages are easy not because they're full of random rules created by little quiz-writing Hitlers but because almost everything about them makes sense if you take a while to understand their development.

    Take another more obvious human endeavour: law. No lawyer treats the law as an arbitrary list of legislation and cases. Common law countries employ and evolve well-known principles, some narrowly and some very broadly applicable, upon which decisions are based. The more you read about the law, the more you understand the interpretation and nuances of these principles. If someone were to suddenly announce for shits that specific random cases had been decided differently then the law would likely lose an element of consistency and sense. A lawyer would need to understand the reason for the change and to examine all cases which rely on its ratio.

    We all know that the modern US military is nothing more than a tool for a few powerful special interests. But it still provides an opportunity for intelligent people to do some of the things they enjoy. Why do these intelligent people tolerate bullshit aptitude testing?

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  56. @citizen
    In order to ensure you are both intelligent, and capable of putting up with nonsensical regulations and red-tape.

    Seriously.

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  57. It seems to me that the test won't ensure that you're intelligent, only that you've either (a) practiced or (b) enjoy innate ability in some rather obscure skill. The Internet existing as it does for finding out anything anyone's ever done before, it's almost certain to be (a). So I guess that's where the non-sensical/red-tape thing comes in: you're got to see it coming even if you're technically breaking the spirit of the hurdle.

    But you may still find such a narrow test difficult even though you excel at the ability which is supposedly under test. It's like testing whether you're a good musician by how well you can sing some avant garde piece presented before you: you may be a first class musician with shit for voice. Or you may simply fall over when presented with a non-standard piece which follows none of the usual musical conventions to which you have honed your singing skill.

    Psychometric testing seems to me to be a dangerous way of homogenising brains, taking the selection process out of the hands of individual colleges/businesses/government departments and giving responsibility to increasingly dead psychologists. Fifty years ago we were still in a dark age of psychiatry and psychology: we pigeon-holed, we locked up and we treated with extreme prejudice. Yet when it comes to measures of the potential of able men we have barely moved on. On the contrary, we're racing right back to the start of last century in this and almost every other way we regard and treat the average man.

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  58. 6:30 = mad at being stupid

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  59. 6:33, not really. I tend to be in the top 5th percentile for most of these sorts of tests, though there are a few I've done particularly badly on (the DLAB specimen being one). I'm not going to suggest that I'm the smartest person in the world but I'm no simpleton.

    In almost every case, I don't think the test says anything useful (and certainly nothing permanent) about the ~95% of people who've done worse than me nor the ~5% who do better.

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  60. Anons debating their own intelligence on xkcdsucks dot com. What a waste.

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  61. Въй во истина говорите по руски харашо? или лужеш...

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  62. Ooh! I also knew a lot of languages by 15:

    Latin
    Ancient Greek
    Greek
    German
    French
    Italian
    Spanish
    Slovak
    Finnish
    Swedish
    Russian
    Arabic
    Sanskrit
    Hindi
    Gujarati
    Mandarin Chinese
    Japanese
    Korean
    Swahili
    Hebrew

    In order of aptitude. :D

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  63. >doesn't know Kannada
    bitch please

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  64. Why would I learn it? My friends speak Gujarati and Urdu. In fact, once I get considerably proficient in all of those projects, then I'll learn Urdu. Which I know nothing about yet. :(

    Captcha: chess. The club I've been evading to go swimming.

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  65. Oh, and my native language is Hungarian. And English. But mostly Hungarian.

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  66. Guys, I live in the middle of the US and I make $15 an hour. Is that something to be proud of?

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  67. >doesn't know Tamil
    >doesn't know Navajo
    >doesn't know Basque

    and you call yourself a man

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  68. Sounds fairly useless… Latin, Sanskrit, Hebrew, and Greek at least let me read scripture. Well, not Hebrew. I'm really REALLY terrible at it. Like, I don't understand any of it, only some vague stuff about grammar. But I'll improve! :D

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  69. (Like, when ever am I going to meet someone who speaks Navajo? Or Basque? And most people who speak Tamil should reasonably know Hindi I hope…)

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  70. Apparently Randall has never heard of the "No Name" brand which uses the branding he's alluding to in his comic...

    ... or maybe he has heard of it and is hoping all his visitors are too young to go grocery shopping...

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  71. Well, I kinda liked the newest strip. The biggest problem I have is what Dan mentioned - I didn't know it was an existing brand, but I dislike the palpable smugness Randall has, presenting an idea he can't possibly be the first to think of like it was his own.

    That said, the art in this one looks like it actually took some work. And that's something. Also, the alt-text was amusing imo.

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  72. Also, in Canada, President's Choice products are packaged similarly... minimalist bright white packaging with just a picture of the product on the front and as few words as necessary. No Name products here are in bright yellow packaging.

    http://www.canadiandesignresource.ca/officialgallery/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/presidents-choice.jpg

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  73. Instead of putting out 2 mildly amusing ones and 4 terrible mnemonics, he could have just taken panel 1, make the second mnemonic the alt text, and have that be a comic for a day. Same with panel 6 if he could make the mnemonic less awkward (I think you're allowed to put a "the" in the middle even though "T" isn't one of the letters).

    Less work for him, it wastes less of his readers' time, he'd have 2 comics in the end instead of 1, and without all the extra baggage they'd be slightly funnier. It could even be a recurring gag, supposing he actually puts some thought into the mnemonics instead of just putting random words together.

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  74. (I'm the same as anon 5:44 above.)

    I should also add that his mnemonics are too awkward and long to be useful. The resistor one is a good example - that's a long group of words that's not a sentence anyone would ever say. Memorizing that thing would be harder than just memorizing the colors.

    That's the elegance (if you will) of "Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally." It's an actual sentence that someone might say, and it has a certain cadence that makes it memorable. I used to tutor jr high and high school math and I would use it all the time - not only does it show the order of operations, but it helps explain the entire concept of doing math in a way that's not directly left-to-right (lots of students have trouble with the idea that math is not like reading).

    It's actually a great idea for comics with decent (and dirty or otherwise funny) mnemonic devices for science concepts. If they were useful, it'd be all that much more funny. Too bad the execution sucked on so many level.

    Also, we didn't get "King Phillip Came Over For Good Sex" in school since the area was pretty Christian. We got something about frogs that I could never remember, so I just had to memorize.

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  75. King Philip Came Over Frogs: Great Sex?

    HAHA QUIRKY ACRONYMS this is worth writing a comic about!!!

    captcha: materseo, but paterwebmaster.

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  76. Haha simply packaging. Oh man, what is he going to think up next?

    I'm going to design a brand of packaging SO YOU CAN'T TELL WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BREAD YOU'RE BUYING.ITS BREAD AND THAT IS KETCHUP FUCK YOU, JUST FUCKING EAT IT.

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  77. OK wtf is up with that? You must have stuff like this in the US no? like this http://www.statichukd.com/images/threads/220014.jpg and http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_811D12XBGqE/SR8P2CdtjMI/AAAAAAAAASg/F4pESJ-BR9M/s320/London+October+2008+018.JPG and http://www.tescorealfood.com/media/images/Value-range-shot-3-HERO-f567af3a-7520-4dc0-85be-3297d84d0d43-0-472x310.jpg and so on. You must do. And yeah ok those have a supermarket name on them but come on, it's the same fucking thing. captcha: spormons. Polygamous fungal pollen

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  78. look at this idiot on the forum " From the text it sounds like Randall came up with the idea without ever knowing that someone did essentially exactly what he was proposing and created a well known brand for themselves with the idea decades ago. :-T"

    yeah. that's a much better explanation than the obvious one.

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  79. Well fuck me from behind with a Credit Default Swap, but can BP pick 'em? He just dumped his RIMM stock and made a 10%+/- R.O.V in less than 24 hours!
    I think the cunt had insider knowledge.
    Call the SEC

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  80. Oooops!
    Make that R.O.I.
    I was thinking about my new "Electric Cooled Pony Harness - with Fuel Injection" that BP got for me for Eid.

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  81. See my comment of December 20, 2011 10:19 AM, above, to fathom the genius of the BP.

    Still, call the SEC.

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  82. Black Boys Rape Our Young Girls But Violet Goes Willingly

    Catchy, simple, realistic. Gee, I wonder why famous Chevalier Blanc Randall Munroe didn't care for it?

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  83. Bad Booze Rots Our Young Guts But Vodka Goes Well. Get Some Now!

    That was the one I've always been taught, works pretty well for me. Also as a bonus it includes gold, silver, and none.

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  84. "Well, I kinda liked the newest strip. The biggest problem I have is what Dan mentioned - I didn't know it was an existing brand, but I dislike the palpable smugness Randall has, presenting an idea he can't possibly be the first to think of like it was his own.

    That said, the art in this one looks like it actually took some work. And that's something. Also, the alt-text was amusing imo."

    Hit the nail right on the head there, anon@1:48.

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  85. Catholic education taught me "King Philip Came Over For Ginger Snaps". I still remember it apparently, so mission accomplished?

    Yeah. P.C. basically has the #992 designs, except theirs don't look like an 11 year old designed the packaging.

    also pretty sure no single brand would want to sell general grocery items, breads, and milk, but there's a chance Canada just has awful agriculture boards making that impossible. When I say "a chance" I mean "our Prime Minister is trying to eliminate them this year because he hates equality and the Little Guy".

    also i want to put that fictional milk somewhere refrigerated, wtf is wrong with me. =[

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  86. "......"our Prime Minister is trying to eliminate them (agriculture boards) this year because he hates equality and the Little Guy"......"

    The Marketing Boards stifle competition.
    Ever wonder why Babybels cost more than three times as much in Canada as they do anywhere else in the world and that you have to mortgage your house to buy a litre of yoghurt?

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  87. 993 is interesting in that it is exactly what Randy made fun of like a month ago in 927. He probably has brain cancer which made him forget.

    Also, the milk of his brand is probably megan's breast milk.

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  88. Ann you win the Swedish internet forever, also known in Swedish as the "internet".

    captcha: ovementi. ovementi? quimenti.

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  89. I've decided to observe intellectual diapause as a propaganda of the deed response to the Corvids pronouncement that 'PC' products - highly branded selections originated by Dave Nichol (president of those cunts at Loblaws) - are equivalent to "No Name" products in the abomination known as "nofrills"(also owned by those cunts at Loblaws.

    "Notice the ambiance of the decour." said Dave Nichol during a slide-show presentation of the then new Loblaws "nofrills" franchise given to the first year Marketing class at the U of T Faculty of Management Studies(now the Rotman School of Business).

    "Ambiance? If that means yellow, you're right!" said BP sitting at the back of the class.

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  90. You very much bore the shit out of me and probably all members here, ALTF.

    Captcha: huter
    Huter's gonna hute

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  91. This shit to which you refer, how does it rate on the Bristol Stool Chart? I'm a Type 7 - especially after I've been semen-ally irrigated.

    You can dispense with the word 'probably' in your missive; I do bore everyone here, or at least I try. If one is not bored after reading my crap then I have failed.

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  92. I must footnote The Kitten(s) for part of my word salad above. I would not want to be accused of the wrongful appropriation of another's intellectual property.

    The Stool Chart and semen-ally irrigated bits are his.

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  93. where is the browser plug-in that removes all of ALTF's posts, where is it, where aaaaaaaaaah *blood pours out of every orifice*

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  94. What happened to that guy who always explained ALTF's posts? He was one of my favorites.

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  95. i hate south park. however, i am not starting a blog called "south park sucks."

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  96. maybe you should consider it

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  97. I would very much enjoy reading entries in southparksucks.

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  98. ...I would give it at least 5 reviews to find its feet.

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  99. What fuckery is 993? This is the kind of bullshit I'd have felt very clever for coming up with when I was six. These products exist, and they're called every supermarket's generic line of products.

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  100. randall's wacky fantasy is to make the blandest brands imaginable, which requires no effort or creativity. how zany

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  101. Even as someone who enjoys XKCD from time to time, 993 is utterly dumb. Besides the fact that supermarkets already market very plain packages for their value products anyway, the presentation of the comic is complete and utter straw man argument - no well-researched product is that illegible on the shelf, not to mention most products of any considerable size (cereal, drinks, bread) are often given more width on the shelf than one space. But shhhhh, best not dwell on logic, Randy's brain might explode...

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  102. @Anon 2:44

    Simply create a bookmark and paste this in the URL:

    javascript:z='Aquarians%20Love%20To%20Fuck';a=document.getElementsByTagName('a');b=a.length;for(c=0;c<b;c++){d=a[c];if(d.innerHTML==z){d.parentNode.style.display='none';d.parentNode.nextSibling.nextSibling.style.display='none';d.parentNode.nextSibling.nextSibling.nextSibling.nextSibling.style.display='none';}%20}void(0);

    Then click the bookmark every time you load a comment thread. And voila, ALT-F no more.

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  103. ALTF: "If one is not bored after reading my crap then I have failed."

    Translation:
    LOL! I TROLL U!

    It's... very sad. There's clearly a bit of cranium there, but its used no more effectively than that of any unsupervised 12 year old. You tried to bore me, but instead made me sad. Ergo: By your own admission, you fail.

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  104. No one's mentioned this yet, but the original title of the comic was 'Brand Awareness'. Randy of course changed this without letting anyone know even though he has implied in the past (can't find the comic) he is above do-overs.

    Also South Park sucks would be awesome. I mean, I love South Park a shit ton, but there has been a steady decrease in the ratio of good:bad episodes, and the bad episodes are definitely worse than they were before.

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  105. Come to think of it, I've never watched an episode of South Park, so a hate blog about it probably wouldn't be that fun for me.

    So I guess the target audience for hate blogs is people who hate something but watch/read it anyway. How we love to hate.

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  106. I think we all just enjoy the idea of a hate blog in general. I love reading reviews of the newer Dexter episodes on the AV Club, but I've never seen an episode of the show. The reason is because every single review just destroys the show and points out how absolutely shitty it has become-- kinda like this blog. What it boils down to is entertainment.

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  107. Dexter is one of the few shows I watch. I'll definitely check out AV Club.

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  108. I always thought hate blogs were just compilations of bots and samefags

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  109. Stephen Harper has just signed a bill into law that make ALT-F's comments illegal in Canada. Innit?

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  110. This place is terrible.

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  111. I literally hate everybody.

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  112. Dicksmash McIroncockDecember 22, 2011 at 12:31 PM

    What about me? Do you hate me?

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  113. guys, i have a problem. i have a girlfriend who's fat. i'm a good-looking guy and i can easily catch an attractive girl. i really don't like fat girls. but i love the girl i'm with too much to make her feel ugly and that she needs to lose weight. what should i do?

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  114. By the way Rob, you missed a double t in "tell" in the first paragraph.

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  115. And "list", and "slightly"… never mind, you're just fucking inconsistent.

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  116. Why the hell is the milk sitting out unrefrigerated?

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  117. @12:52
    Megan's breasts don't require refrigeration...
    ^-- Randal's Logic, since he has never purchased milk before.

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  118. Gidget and Moondoggie have occupied my day.
    Bp sure loves his "beach party film" genre - Sandra Dee and Annette Funicello are my competition.

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  119. 12:38, get fat too.

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  120. ALTF, I think history has already declared a winner.

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  121. Speaking of dexter what did you guys think of the season finale?

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  122. Speaking of goebbels what did you guys think of the finale solution?

    captcha: nonse. Sense. Welcome to Paedogeddon!

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  123. Michael, read the list of words where the t is doubled and get back to us.

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  124. "And "list", and "slightly"… never mind, you're just fucking inconsistent. "

    there's a pattern, you just need to look harder

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  125. rob is lying there is no patttern

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  126. Store brands in Australia pretty much already had Randall's hilarious idea. I mean, they do display a "Home Brand" or "No Frills" or whatever logo, but they're basically colourless and the prominent part of the label is just the standard name for the product. So, I dunno, the latest xkcd just leaves me a little surprised that nobody in America is doing the same thing.

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  127. 993: there's no joke at all here... it's just "here's an interesting idea I thought up while at the store yesterday". at least he put a modicum of effort into the art.

    problems with the idea
    - pretty sure he used purposefully dull colors in the image so that the white would stand out more. in real life white doesn't stand out any more than any other color
    - also, in real life, supermarket shelves are white too, not dark grey
    - people wouldn't want to buy this stuff because it looks shady as fuck
    - pretty sure randy doesn't know what "brand identity" means and that this is the opposite of one
    - if he's implying that this will work because it's hard to find these things at the store due to labels being confusing, well that's not true
    - if this would work, people would be doing it already

    994: there's no joke here. it's just... two different things put together, one of which is topical, the other which is nerdy omg!!! <3 ^__^

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  128. The latest comic is another manifestation of Randy's feeding fetish. It won't be long before xkcd will turn into Boston and Shaun with shittier art.

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  129. I think Randall saw "Repo Man" and how everybody in the movie eats or drinks generic food, thought "cool", and made strip 993.

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  130. it's probably UHT long life milk that doesn't need to be in the fridge. not that that makes the thing any less stupid. Maybe he read where people complained about the things in bags in that other shopping 'comic' just being round blobs and thought hah. I'll show them I CAN draw cylinders and boxes too and I can COLOUR THEM IN what's more.and then having decided that he had to find a 'joke' to go with it.

    the Advent calendar one clearly illustrates the comic writing process. 'Ahh it's still 11:55. Plenty of time to write tomorrow's comic.'

    i just clicked random & got comic 3 which is a really shit drawing of an island. It's fucking embarrassing that this guy once looked at shit drawings like that and thought they were worth showing off about.

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  131. This thread's dying down. Time for a new review, Rob?

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  132. There is a pattern. Rob just didn't bother to show us a bunch of pigeons milling about. He assumed our beautiful minds would cogitate.

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  133. It's hard to blame Randall since the generic brands thing happened when he was still being taken shopping by his parents and mentally developing perpetual motion. All the food he now purchases - pizza - comes from a fully branded Dominos or Pizza Hut.

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  134. He actually managed to stuff up and color one of the generic boxes. I bet somebody believes that was intended as a subtle message.

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  135. i bet the calendar is MILK chocolate lol

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  136. 1. Hot sauce
    2. Sugar
    3. Tea

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  137. I woke up this morning to -16 Canadian degrees - 4 Yankee degrees. In 48 hours, as the crow flies, I'll be lubricating in glorious 35 Canadian degrees!
    I'll be back, fortified with Extra-Happy Pizza, arresting those pesky Lao children who have the audacity to pilfer the property of the mighty US Government (40+/- year old unexploded munitions left over from the 'American War'). Well, at least arrest the ones who might survive the thievery in one piece that is - Uncle Sam usually doesn't bother with 'jurisdiction in rem' litigation on the 'clumsy' ones. This makes complete sense as an exploded 'bombie' is of no commercial value and, after all, you can't get blood from a stone.

    Envy me, my friends. Envy me indeed.

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  138. See y'all in late March, 2012!

    Nyuck, nyuck.

    Innit?

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  139. OP, you are consistent proof that a mission of mercy can be lucrative.

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  140. Merry Christmas to all xkcdsucks readers (unless you're a Jew, in which case go fuck yourself)

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  141. I'm not sure if I have any liquor in my house and I can't leave to buy any. God I hope I find some.

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  142. fuck yeah only 23 hours until 365 days until that fucking holiday

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  143. Can Oliver See Down My Pants Pockets?

    Also, Linnaean taxonomic ranks are obsolete.

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  144. Finally she goes back to shitholistan

    thank god

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  145. Well it looks like everyone's too afraid to post on 25/12 lest they confirm to the world that they have no life. As usual, Anonymous steps up to the plate.

    captcha: dispot; the ruler of any country which would have written that 12/25.

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  146. God bless you, anonymous.

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  147. In the '70s, Christmas songs were about ending war.

    In the '80s, Christmas songs were about ending hunger.

    In the '90s, Christmas songs were about fat men in big spotty pink costumes.

    Today's Christmas number one celebrates military personnel.

    Twentieth century western society: good-spirited and successful while it lasted.

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  148. Wherever you are, my love will keep you safe,
    Because that substandard body armour the government's giving you sure as fuck won't

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  149. I mean, I love Christmas, but I'm not IN love with Christmas, you know?

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  150. @3:45
    I am also a homosexual.
    Fancy that.

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  151. Holiday tip: Dont read today's xkcd

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  152. I hated that holiday. It was horrendous. We somehow took an event needed to help get us through the harsh winters via sharing what we have into a useless mandatory buying frenzy where we spend money we don't have with companies that don't need to exist in order to buy things people don't need.

    No wonder everyone gets stressed out and feudal oven the holidays. It's ironic really: This year I tallied up how much I would spend on shite, then donated it all to several children's charities, and somehow got labeled a Grinch for doing so because I didn't put my efforts towards wasteful needless gifts for people that need nothing in life...

    FUCK the holidays.

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  153. Anon556, get them that "donate a goat on their behalf" thing and then when you give them the card that says "you've helped a family of 6 survive the winter!" they can't be mad without being an asshole.

    That or just don't see your family until Easter when you can fight over other useless shit.

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  154. 5:56, you do realise you've just summarised the evolution of capitalism.

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  155. anon 5:56 tl; dr

    plus, you're gay

    captcha: blicarl. You'b like to do crl.

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