Monday, April 4, 2011

Comic 881: Boo Fucking Hoo

probability

[Comic title: Probability; Alt text: My normal approach is useless here, too.]

Let's not beat around the bush: this comic is shit shit shit shit shit. But it's shit in the style of Randy's creeping, insidious shit--it's not a 631, but it's bad.

We'll start with the art, since it's the most obvious type of shit in this shit casserole. Panels 1 and 2 are your garden variety graphs, though it's not really clear what either of them are talking about--what's the hashed line in the first graph? What's lasting how many years in the second one? Why are they all a-kilter? Is that supposed to be artistic, or touching?

The third panel is remarkable mostly for its giant terrible IV bag. It's connected to nothing and the lines on it make it look more like a chart someone has written on that's dangling from some sort of random post. It was bad enough that on a first read I wasn't entirely convinced it was meant to be an IV bag, because even Randy can't make something that ugly. (Incidentally, this led me to wonder if the interpretation of the comic wasn't just 'it's sad that our relationship might not last forever :( which would have made the shit levels in this comic go off the fucking charts.)

And then there's the fourth panel. Randy, you are incapable of conveying emotion with your creepy spider-fingered stick-people. I'm sorry. The weird gaps in his arm and torso where they intersect with Megan? Those are ugly. The positions they're in? Incredibly awkward. It's not a touching panel, it's just sad--as in pathetic, not as in 'oh, how sad and sweet they are . . . maybe that is hugging? I think maybe that is hugging.' I'm convinced it's only there because without it, people could probably interpret this comic as being intended as having, at the very least, some intention of being darkly humorous.

And maybe that would have been okay. Instead Randy decided to put on the whine-pants when he wrote this one. "Bawww, sometimes using statistics to understand something just makes it depressing! My cold, calculating comfort from the confusing world of humans just makes me sad now! I NEED A HUG, MEGAN, HUG ME PLOX." Of course, Megan is not going to hug him. Even if she didn't already hate him she would have started after this whiny piece of shit.

You know what, Randy? Sometimes when you try to understand something you find out it sucks. Not all facts are comforting! Most of them are just going to remind you that you are alone in an uncaring universe, that you will die alone and afraid, and that you'll be completely forgotten after you die--not right away, perhaps, but in the cosmic sense of things, quite soon.

"I used to like it because it has so many real-life applications," says Author Insert. "Used to," as in he doesn't like it anymore. But what bothers me most is that, in statistics, he surely must have come across dozens if not hundreds of situations where the statistics were more depressing than anything, and I'd bet he didn't bat an eye. Maybe he'd comment things like "I weep for my gender," as he did when individuals with Y chromosomes tended to respond in certain ways on his color-naming thing. But always wry, cynical, or otherwise detached. No, it's not until the statistics touch home that Randy declares he is so over them. They have made him aware that people he knows are also mortal, and that's just not cool.

Here's some advice for you, Randy: harden the fuck up. Oh, feel free to be sad all you like. But you suck at pathos. It's not a thing you are remotely good at. Your art style is all wrong for it, and trying to shoehorn something geeky into it doesn't make it any better. I'd say "stick to what you're good at," but what you're good at is making terrible comics all the time, forever, so maybe just quit instead.

UPDATE: This post is so popular I thought I'd link to our IRC channel! It's #xkcd-sucks on Foonetic. Be there, or die horribly in a fire.

182 comments:

  1. Interesting tidbit:

    He is presumably talking about cancer, since I'm pretty sure that is the most common disease that uses 5 and 10 year survival rates.

    Those are actually pretty good survival rates. Depending on the type and stage of cancer you could get down to a 40% (or even 5% if you have pancreatic cancer) 5-year survival rate.

    So in this case statistics should have been comforting?

    Maybe he should have checked out the statistics before making a comic about...statistics.

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  2. There is a high correlation between eating ice cream and getting bitten by snakes.

    STATISTICAL FACT.

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  3. Relationships where the man is more emotional than the woman tend to end earlier on average.

    STATISTICAL FACT.

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  4. Just as probability has its origins in games of chance, statistics has its origins in insurance. It has ALWAYS been depressing!

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  5. People who start a conversation with a stranger by asking, "Have you heard of XKCD?" are 180% more likely to be virgins.

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  6. haha i weep for my gender

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  7. Reading XKCD will help you to lose faith in humanity faster than otherwise.

    STATISTICAL FACT

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  8. In any given moment Rob inhabits 50% +/-50% of the universe, 19 times in 20.

    STATISTICAL FACT

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  9. What a wondrous place our world is!

    Except that we are all mortal, and this wondrous place doesn't give two shits about it.

    How has this man-child existed so long without confronting mortality. Is he just now going to get to the 'reading-a-lot-of-Nietzsche' phase in his life? I thought he might have been past that. More likely, he is so selfish and above-it-all he thought it just didn't apply to him, until it hits home.

    What a fucking twerp.

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  10. Was my post not angry enough for you, Rob?

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  11. you said it was not a bad comic
    and called it "fine"

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  12. Dark matter constitutes 80% of the matter in the universe. Rob is a mostly black mulatto boy.

    STATISTICAL FACT

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  13. The most obvious scenario to me was about some baby the couple were having and it's chance at survival.

    Then I thought "what is this, the chance for the relationship to survive?"

    And from there it just got mopier and dopier.

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  14. ^ Nono, say what you will, Randall Munroe is no Tim Buckley.

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  15. Oh god the xkcd forums are painful. I must be a masochist just for going there.

    Also, I guess they believe you can just walk up to strangers, tell them about all your hardships, and expect hugs. I always thought this would be a rude thing to do, but I guess, to them, it's all right!

    Captcha: Blestron. Robotic blessings.

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  16. I think basically I just tried to pretend the fourth panel didn't exist, and doing so makes it seem more darkly humourous than "Oh you think I'm always so funny? Well BAM how's that for serious?"

    still Rob you failed to mention how awful the alt-text is so I must award you only a 5/10 [probability of surviving this year]

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  17. p.s. the bit about "in statistics he surely must have come across dozens if not hundreds of situations where the statistics were more depressing than anything" just made me think of the UB40 song "One in Ten" and yeah i'd appreciate not being reminded of the existence of UB40 in future

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  18. and Tim Buckley is no Ryan Sohmer, but he's damn fucking close.

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  19. Some point while reading this review I was reminded about that horribly preachy comic about... alternative medicine or belief, I think.

    Anyway: where are the Arrows of Science now, Randall? Hm?

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  20. RED RED WII-III-III-IIINE
    STAY CLOSE TO MEEEEEEEE
    DON'T LET ME BE IN LOVE
    IT'S TEARING APA-A-ART
    MY BLUE BLUE HEART

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  21. The arrows of science are out there.

    Working.

    Bitches.

    Captcha: tantivel, there's a carnival in my pants, want to come ;).

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  22. "Anyway: where are the Arrows of Science now, Randall? Hm? "

    nice

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  23. I have this recurring nightmare that I can't speak anymore--or rather, that I lose the ability to choose my words, to compare and contrast, to array them in perfection. I stop being clever, become inarticulate, mundane, boring. I can neither express nor obfuscate. Of all the dreams I've had, I count it among the worst, and it always comes up when my words have failed me. Words are all I have. I have to be careful with them.

    There's a boy I've been seeing, or rather I very pointedly haven't been seeing, who doesn't give a fuck about words. I don't know what it is--he's very clever and bright and even occasionally eloquent, but he takes no joy in language. He's the sort of person who says things like "they're just words." He doesn't celebrate a clever turn of phrase. He doesn't care about precise phrasing.

    All of it adds up to make him seem completely and utterly confident. Or perhaps confident isn't the right word--perhaps comfortable? Like his attitude towards words extends to the world. It doesn't matter if it's just right, if it's arrayed perfectly. As far as he's concerned, none of it matters--not so long as his idea gets across in the end.

    It's fascinating on some level. On some other level, I hate him for it. If words are all I have, he doesn't care about it. He doesn't need it. He practically disdains it. He gets this condescending little smirk when I talk, like he thinks I'm silly and unenlightened for striving to find the perfect turn of phrase. But there's something compelling about it--sometimes, when it's late at night and I'm too tired or drunk to resist, I can almost imagine that he's right, and I really am the ridiculous one.

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  24. Wtf Rob, you're not supposed to review the comic, you're just supposed to crap out Megan jokes and 4-chan-esche insults.

    Captcha: alsibr - The name of my first born child. Won't be capitalized.

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  25. What the hell. I normally read this website and laugh at the absurd analyses of a simple comic. But this crossed a line. He made this comic because one of his relatives has gotten cancer and the first two graphs represent the mortality rate of this specific type of cancer. And you tell him to "harden the fuck up". Really? You are a complete dick. One of his relatives is dying and you say "boo fucking who"? This is sickening.

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  26. 'guys, i'm so sad i have to share how sad i am with the world so i can get sympathy from my legion of drooling fanboys'

    ReplyDelete
  27. 'guys i'm so angry i have to share how angry i am with the world so i can make other people angry like me'

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  28. Randy's comic is sad =/= Randy's comic is good


    How the fuck are we supposed to know this is supposed to be about his family, anyway?
    The comic has like zero indication. Are we all supposed to constantly check every forum post Randall makes in order to understand his comic? Or are we just supposed to assume that every "sad" thing he does is automatically totally justified because sometimes things happen that are bad?

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  29. Has one of his relatives actually gotten cancer? He's never explicitly stated this. Actually, he said "everyone is going to be okay", implying that the illness involved wasn't terminal.

    So what I'm thinking is that it just got him thinking about death and making whiny turds of comics like this.

    It seems like a weird contradiction. He won't give any specifics, but he'll whine about what he's going through emotionally with comics like this and 817.

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  30. It's empty in the valley of your heart
    The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
    Away from all the fears
    And all the faults you've left behind

    The harvest left no food for you to eat
    You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
    But I have seen the same
    I know the shame in your defeat

    But I will hold on hope
    And I won't let you choke
    On the noose around your neck

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  31. What its not like he asked for sympathy or did anything offense. he just posted it on the internet. It's not like he went screaming through the streets yelling love me.

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  32. I was shown this website a year or so ago by a friend who was too busy "Loling", his term not mine, to work on our group project. I remember going through a couple of your comments on here about how the comic sucks, about why it sucks, and about how that is the ultimate truth.

    What brought me back quite suddenly was the most recent comic, which you have outrightly put down above. I wanted to see your reaction to it, to see if you might have had a differing opinion on the new comic.

    Of course everyone is entitled to their opinions, I am as you are. I've noted you quite blatently put down this comic for its lack of humor. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure that most comic artists don't stick to either one emotion or the other when writing their comics through out the years. I don't believe that he was trying to be funny with the comic, and I don't believe that the lack of it causes the piece to become shit casserole.

    Recently I know the author of XKCD had been going through extremely difficult times due to a sickness in his family. I wasn't sure on just how severe it was until I saw this comic. Insulting him for coming out with just the sort of feeling he was going through is extremely heartless and egocentric. Then of course, if that's just what you were going for I must say you did a fine well job. Why should you care what this person is going through? I'm sure you wouldn't know. But perhaps, since the author of XKCD does have a relatively large fan base, many of who do contact him, wishing him well and complimenting him on his comics. I could see that as being a valuable reason for portraying his emotions with his readers. Because unlike you, they do care. As would any other normal good willed human. As an artist, you may expect those whol follow your work to actually give a flying flip over what you're going through, and how that's influencing what you do.

    My friend that I fore-mentioned constantly tells me about your site, and will spend a good part of his time in school quoting you and following in your foot steps on insulting the comic. Normally this wouldn't be an issue. I was quite surprised however when my friend, who I was talking to over chat, told me he was a little sickened by your most recent post.

    So, here I am. I've noticed quite a few jokes about how XKCD causes people to "lost faith in humanity" and that this much open emotion from the author is "painful" to read.
    Well, I thought you might like to hear an alternative opinion from your own if your ego can handle it.

    As I read this webpage, I lose a bit of faith in humanity. It's extremely painful to read the forums here, where there is an utter lack of human dignity and compassion. Only that of a bunch of angsty individuals who find humor in mocking that of which isn't there pain, that of which other people have to go through on a daily basis.

    It's usually against my own character to wish ill upon somebody, but I would geuss it would do you some good.

    As you lay in your last bed, counting down the hours minutes and seconds that you have been experiencing, I hope that there is sombody, who you do not know directly but have access to hearing, that will laugh profoundly in your face at your suffering.

    It's an extremely horrible thing to say, but so it mocking those who suffer. Who are you to judge until you have been through such torment? Do as you wish, for it doesn't matter too much more to me. You and your minions here on the site will continue your ways without a single blip of hinderence to your momentum. I'm sure my words will mean nothing to you if my assumptions on your own character are correct.

    Be that as it may, perhaps somebody will find something of use here in this text. But however it goes, try and remember the simple idea of karma.

    What goes around, comes around. That, and Karma's a real bitch.

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  33. So, my grandma has cancer. My family has been pretty horrible and dickish recently.

    Does that mean if I make a shitty comic about it, then post it on the internet, everyone who doesn't like it is totally an asshole?

    And does it mean karma is totally badass when it gives their grandmas cancer (WHICH WILL TOTALLY PROBABLY HAPPEN BTW) and their families start being dicks (WHICH WILL TOTALLY PROBABLY HAPPEN BTW)?

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  34. To the previous Anonymous, 7:02

    I never said disliking artowrk made you an asshole.
    However, *you* are an asshole.
    And Karma is only badass when it gives assholes, such as yourself, cancer.

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  35. Wow, you sir, are a douche, and as of posting this, not even a remotely funny one.
    Munroe's comics are not perfect and perhaps sliding in quality, but this post was in no way a constructive criticism of the fact,
    nor was it a funny or even entertaining bit of writing.
    This was a heartless, pointless, troll rant. It made your cite lose any semblance of credibility and actually inspired me to support Randall Munroe more.
    I should really buy another poster from him.
    Encyclopedia Dramatica is that way --->

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  36. What the fuck is that supposed to mean. I agree with him. He wrote a well worded bit about the post and you wrote "hahahahahahaha fuxxxx yes". Are you mentally retarded? Are you trying to mock his seriousness? Either way you clearly lack the ability to communicate in an understandable way.

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  37. you guys are making me so happy

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  38. Rob,

    Happiness is one of the major ingredients to success. Perhaps you'll come across that in your future. I'm here to help.

    ReplyDelete
  39. What you feel superior because we are actually serious and you are not? Good for you Rob. good for you.

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  40. being serious is pretty much the worst thing you can possibly be on the internet

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  41. Rob,

    Being serious is only second to being an inconsiderate inhuman troll monger for what's the worst to be on the internet.

    And as one of your very own fanboys above stated,

    STATISTICAL FACT

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  42. i dunno. as an inconsiderate inhuman trollmonger, i'm having a lot of fun. while you guys are all hand-wringing over whether it's okay to call a whiny piece of shit a whiny piece of shit

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  43. I suppose there will always be clueless dingbats who just don't get that mocking talentless hacks who put their work up for all to see is one of life's unsung pleasures.

    Randall is at least a year older than I am, which means that he's 26 or 27. This kind of stuff is pathetic for someone at his age. There are more tasteful and less awkwardly mawkish (awkish?) ways to present this kind of material. Randall has the subtlety of a sledgehammer, and he deserves the criticism he gets.

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  44. Rob,

    Not too much "hand wringing" going on over here.
    However, you seem to do a considerate amount of hand wringing about what you call on almost a daily basis a "piece of shit".

    If it's so blatently horrible, and you've stated your case, why continue?

    I'm sure you gain plenty of pleasure of remarks such as this, where you imagine a large group of teenagers foaming at the mouths with anger at your posts. But you thouroughly overestimate the anger levels of those you mock.

    But here on the other end I imagine you looking at the newest xkcd comic, where you begin randomly typing up whatever comes to mind about how it sucks, so that you'll be able to appease the few other inconsiderate inhuman troll mongers that have chosen you as their leader.

    Nothing too exciting or over the top, and I'm sure it's fairly close to reality.

    If you want to get a rise out of people, try insulting their families. Or kicking their dogs, I'm sure it would be far more effective.

    Face to face insults and pain are much more efficient.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Man, I missed the huge flood of Cuddlefish Against Cancer. That'll teach me not to hit my refresh button.

    My mom had breast cancer a few years ago. I guess with that as a context, all of my comments on this comic are automatically right?

    or people are jerks for disagreeing with me


    or something


    I just don't know anymore

    ReplyDelete
  46. UndercoverCuddlefishApril 4, 2011 at 7:26 PM

    in which i demonstrate that i know how to use punctuation and capital letters

    Panel, the First:
    Oh, look. What is this? It looks like... no... could it be? A graph? What a rarity! What an absolute joy! I simply adore graphs, and to see one in a webcomic is nothing less than delightful. It must have taken a lot of creative effort for Mr. Munroe to come up with this novel idea of putting a graph in his webcomic, and at this point I am excited to see where the remaining three panels will take this innovation.

    Panel, the Second:
    Hm. I guess this is... a table? Is it supposed to match up with the information from the graph? Neither of the curves on the graph seem to pass through the point where "5 years" and "81%" should meet, so I guess this table is completely unrelated to the graph? A little confusing, but it's groundbreaking stuff, regardless. I trust Randall "The Visionary" Munroe to clear things up in short order.

    Panel, the Third:
    Two people are sitting on a bench. Maybe in a park? Oh, no, there's something vaguely resembling a massive IV bag, so I guess we're in a hospital. A hospital that buys very large IV bags, presumably because they get a discount by getting fluids in bulk and need to justify all that extra liquid somehow. It's amazing that Randall can convey such intricate and detailed backstories simply by making something appear larger than normal.

    Speaking of things that are bigger than they should be, Mr. Figure O'Stick (and his incredibly large head) is sitting with his wife/sister/wife-sister combination (don't you dare judge Randall's proxy) and looking at a piece of paper. Maybe the piece of paper has graphs on it? Maybe this is where the comic comes together. It makes sense, because Mr. O'Stick implies that probability is no longer his favorite branch of math.

    Ah... could it be that the graph and table from the previous panels depict some sort of probability? Is Mr. O'Stick upset with the implications of the numbers? What do the probabilities represent, then? Somebody is sick in the hospital bed; are the numbers mortality rates? No, that wouldn't make sense, because the percentage is lower after 10 years. So it must be... a survival rate? Maybe I'm confused about how this whole life thing works, but after watching daytime cop dramas and zombie thrillers for over a decade, a 77% survival rate after even a week seems pretty generous, let alone 10 whole years.

    Panel, the Fourth:
    Apparently Randall-proxy Figure O'Stick and Megan-proxy Cousin-wife O'Stick are both incredibly upset that their sick family member is most likely going to survive for at least another ten years. They hug one another for comfort, and Figure O'Stick smells his wife-daughter's hair longingly.

    Is this it? I was so excited by the first panel, where Mr. Munroe showed signs of taking us to new, exciting places that his comic has never explored before. Instead we get an overly sentimental piece of crap in which Randall's author-insert stick figure takes a fairly heartening statistic and uses it as an excuse to be overly sentimental while molesting his Megan stand-in character.

    Pretty creepy, Randall.

    Also, it's pretty interesting that his graph is cut off at about 70%; it makes a higher-than average survival rate look like almost certain death. It's a really good thing Randall hasn't made any comics about being misleading with statistics or anything crazy like that; some people might consider that hypocritical.

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  47. Anon 7:24, did it ever cross your mind that Rob does this for fun? Not particularly to get a rise out of people, although that is a delicious and fairly predictable side effect, but because mocking awful stuff on the internet is, well, FUN? Have you never mocked an awful movie or a trashy novel in your life? Seriously, try it. It's incredibly cathartic.

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  48. And Rob,

    We're not debating on whether or not xkcd is a whiney piece of shit or not, we have our minds made up. As do you.

    But my question is as before, if it's the same story every time, and it either sucks just as bad as the first or gets worse over time, why continue?

    For the rise? If that's the peak of enjoyment in your life I'd try getting a girlfriend/boyfriend to which suits your liking, and try a little thing that we humans like to call "sex"

    ReplyDelete
  49. UndercoverCuddlefishApril 4, 2011 at 7:28 PM

    yes i said overly sentimental twice in one sentence

    i wanted to hammer that concept home to you fucktards

    ReplyDelete
  50. Gryfflion,

    Please see my above posted comment.
    I don't find humor in mocking what sucks, or atleast not over such a long and strenuous length of time.

    That song Friday certainly sucks, and I laugh whenever I hear it mentioned.
    But I don't make w ebsite about it, and then begin laughing at Rebecca Black's sick relatives.

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  51. you should man, it's fucking hilarious

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  52. A fundamental aspect of criticism is finding humor in mocking what sucks. Just ask Wilde, Mencken, or Dorothy Parker.

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  53. Rob, I baked you a cake


    It's shaped like hatred but it tastes like joy

    ReplyDelete
  54. Hey Gryffilion yeah mocking stuff on the internet is fun. But mocking a guy who is struggling with the fact that one of his family members is dying. Not cool.

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  55. @7:30: If Rebecca Black put out a new video three times a week, and if all your friends kept telling you how awesome each new one was, sure as fuck you'd make a website mocking Rebecca Black and her totally sick relatives.

    PS: This can't be Randall's sick relative. That relative was supposed to have been just fine. This is some unrelated whiny shit.

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  56. It would be not-cool if he'd presented it in a tasteful way. However, Randall's methods, as per usual, are both disgustingly saccharine and disturbingly creepy.

    Look at panel 4. Seriously, just look at it. He's presenting the issue of his family member being ill with stick figures, using the exact same medium and website that he used to give us this. If Randall had any sense or decency, he would have selected a different format and a different site in which to upload this. However, then he wouldn't get the massive amount of tearful fan support that he so obviously craves.

    If he's going to be so utterly artless and inept at his presentation, then criticism of said presentation is entirely justified.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Anonymous 7:28,

    Sex often becomes much less enjoyable the more you have it, because humans are wired to feel change and it simply becomes an appreciated part of routine. The people who talk about how awesome sex is are usually the ones not getting as much as they'd like.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Anonymous from 7:39

    And here you are talking about sex as well. What does this say about the two of us? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  59. UndercoverCuddlefishApril 4, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    sex is fucking boring

    seriously my right hand is better than any of the women i have fucked

    and i am left handed

    now shut up virgins

    ReplyDelete
  60. the reason i don't answer questions is because i have shit to do and don't want to waste my time actually paying attention to trolls

    one and two-line posts, on the other hand, are great fun because they rile you up so much

    ReplyDelete
  61. Seriously guys, if you want to get at Rob just take a look at the mawkish bullshit he posts at:

    http://dreamersoften.blogspot.com/

    Pot, kettle, black etc. etc.

    ReplyDelete
  62. There's too many people to address at once without confusing a few people, so I'll just address each idea at a time.

    Does the representation of emotion really matter? If a small child draws a picture of a sad little boy, and it is poorly drawn, does it take away the power behind that image?
    If somebody were to wright a sentence on the internet using incorrect grammer, or a spelling mistake, does it mean that the intent behind that saying is completely lost?

    Personally I feel extremely bad for Rebecca Black. I mock the song, not her or her family. The song is atrocious, but she didn't make it up. She had to choose between that song and another that she felt was out of her league. Her mother had paid for her to take up this singing act, and she certainly wouldn't do something to insult her mother by not singing a song. The writer of that song even came out to say that it was written while half asleep, and not really caring about the actual work. The music company that produces those songs has HUNDREDS of similar songs, just as bad.
    But I have no website insulting the producers and their sick family members, or their song writing skills.

    ReplyDelete
  63. 7.34 but what if the guy who is struggling with the fact that one of his family members is dying is on the internet

    then by your rule i) mocking him is fun but by rule ii) it is not cool

    i suppose thinking about it they aren't contradictory

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  64. And another thing,
    I posted another repsponse earlier. And it has magically disapeared. Any particular reason for that? I believe I addressed Rob's lack of answering questions, and managed to answer them for him.

    Where oh where could they have gone?

    ReplyDelete
  65. btw, boilerplate answer: since the one person who actually is able to moderate comments on this site (Carl 'Ugly' Wheeler) departed (UNMISSED) yonks ago there's been noone who can actually delete comments here.

    seriously guys have you read some of the comment threads on this site, do they look like they were moderated

    CATPCHA: catingst. South African feline sadness.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Anonymous 7:44

    I see the blog, and now I understand. More than I ever could have before. Thank you for this. I particularly enjoy the movie quotes. Brilliance! Using another person's own art to portray your own. I could have sworn re-using old material was bad. Oh well.

    May the trolls of the internet descend upon him.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Ann,

    Hm,

    I must have imagined the whole thing too. If only this all could have gone along with it.

    Big Brother is watching us you know. Always. Pretty soon they'll be here to stop me from my wild and angry teenage rants. Better get as much in as I can before it comes to that.

    1984 WAS a horrible book, all things considering. I should go make a website about it.

    ReplyDelete
  68. oh thank god blogger's "randomly delete posts" feature is still extant. these threads aren't complete without people accusing me of deleting comments.

    ReplyDelete
  69. "There's too many people to address at once without confusing a few people, so I'll just address each idea at a time."

    Yet you failed to address the one cogent point thrown in your direction, that you aren't assaulted by your friends/peers/colleagues three times a week, insisting that the newest Rebecca Black video is the paragon of artistry. Jesus fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  70. My pleasure, 7:50. Spread the word.

    ReplyDelete
  71. so I just read "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream" for the first time, and there was a fantastic description of Rob.

    "I am a great soft jelly thing. Smoothly rounded, with no mouth, with pulsing white holes filled by fog where my eyes used to be. Rubbery appendages that were once my arms; bulks rounding down into legless humps of soft slippery matter. I leave a moist trail when I move. Blotches of diseased, evil gray come and go on my surface, as though light is being beamed from within.

    Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."

    ReplyDelete
  72. Bee tee dubs this is the best thread in a while. Thanks anon!

    ReplyDelete
  73. Ah ha! Rob!
    I am riled! Watch my hands flow across my keyboard with utter fury! Their rapid velocity matches the constant growing fumes from my furious mind!

    How DARE he use a two line- wait.
    It's three. It would seem my anger was misplaced. I quickly find my cool.

    You know me so well.

    ReplyDelete
  74. 7.50: the rules - you use samples of other people's work to evoke some response because you're too lazy/incompetent to evoke it yourself: b a d

    you use samples of other people's work to evoke some response but build upon them in some complimentary/contradictory way: g o o d

    7.57 how dare you mock george orwell he was sick with tuberculosis when he wrote 1984

    ReplyDelete
  75. And yes!

    Let the vagrant accusations fly!
    That Rob, the unholy overseer of this site! He must be going about, hunched over, grabbing our poor, defensless posts and dragging them away to his dungeon! How horrible! Something must be done.

    You sir, are a fiend for your unfair and unjust mediation of this site! Heavens above!

    Might I add, this is quite fun!

    You were right, making fun of pieces of trash on the internet brings out the best humor in all of us.

    ReplyDelete
  76. I notice you don't link to any of Rob's rambling shitfests for the 'good' examples, Ann. Seriously, the guy writes emo teen-angsty crap that is a thousand times worse than xkcd, and you all say nothing?

    Fucking sycophants.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Oh good Ann!

    I never made fun of Mr. George Orwell (If that IS his name)! I merely stated his work was terrible.

    His poor family must have been just saddened by his sickness.

    I hope I did not offend his lasting soul in any way! Is there anything I can do to make peace with him? Perhaps apologize?

    ReplyDelete
  78. Anonymous 8:03

    I wouldn't say they're ALL psychopaths,
    just hypocrites. Perhaps hypocritical psychopaths.

    ReplyDelete
  79. 8.05 you think I actually READ any of the shit Rob puts out? I don't even read Kittens Often Lie and that has cute pictures as an inducement.

    8.06 It's too late now. He's dead. I hope you're happy with what you've done.

    anyway I only turned up to share two pictures of Rob I got from the paparazzi yesterday one two

    ReplyDelete
  80. "Yet you failed to address the one cogent point thrown in your direction, that you aren't assaulted by your friends/peers/colleagues three times a week, insisting that the newest Rebecca Black video is the paragon of artistry. Jesus fuck. "

    Well for starters, I most certainly am not! But I would have geussed that was assumed. I didn't realize It had to be addressed. I was even more confusing when I made it easy. My apologies to you good sir.

    I am however constantly blasted with another site, called xkcdsucks.blogspot.com by a friend of mine and of how great it is. That is, until today. And there is no site by me of how xkcdsucks, sucks.

    Is that a sufficient addressing to your anger at my lack of addressing?

    All this talk of dressing could use some salad.

    ReplyDelete
  81. "I am however constantly blasted with another site, called xkcdsucks.blogspot.com by a friend of mine and of how great it is. That is, until today. And there is no site by me of how xkcdsucks, sucks."

    nobody thinks this site is great, dude. try coming up with a more plausible lie next time

    ReplyDelete
  82. Ann,

    I am much too wary to click your images, I apologize. One of my weaknesses if I do say so myself.

    And if you don't read Rob'shit that he puts out, then how do you know it's not just as bad as any other "re-using of past material to make a point"?

    I apologize for pointing that out, but I am a bit confused now. You've done me in.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Undercover Cuddlefish is not very good at going undercover.

    ReplyDelete
  84. And to who it may concern...

    This is entirely irrelevant to anything above, but my captcha was just most certainly "Inglip". Hopefully this is worth mentioning.

    ReplyDelete
  85. 8.14 basically i just wanted to link to some really good house music* and the fact your post could be construed as anti-sampling meant i could use it as an excuse. IS THAT A CRIME

    *by which i mean NOT JIVE BUNNY

    ReplyDelete
  86. Rob,

    Vagrant accusations? I geuss it just isn't a forum roll without such a thing from the site's poster. If you do not believe me, then that is that. But to go and try to insult me by calling me a liar?
    That... that...
    Wait, no. It doesn't.
    Hm.
    Well.... I geuss my name isn't REALLY anonymous.

    ReplyDelete
  87. wait, who did i call a liar

    ReplyDelete
  88. your mum is a liar

    how else could she say she loved you

    ReplyDelete
  89. R.I.P Eric Blair.

    I apologize for saying that a book you wrote while you were sick was very poorly written.

    Does it all make up for it if I say that I liked Animal Farm?

    ReplyDelete
  90. Rob,

    nobody thinks this site is great, dude. try coming up with a more plausible lie next time

    You most certainly "insinuated" I am a liar, for liars are those who would come up with a lie.

    I did admit to being one though. Just not on the topic of having xkcdsucks paraded in front of me. My name is not as this comment would have previously suggested.

    Perhaps I am merely Eric Blair come again! Taken upon a new name to do my writing elsewhere, on the vast internet!

    ReplyDelete
  91. If you are then you've really gone downhill.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Original angry poster has gone. Y'all are just playing with yourselves now. But it's funny to see you all scramble to get to him - it's like watching geese fight over bread.

    ReplyDelete
  93. I think this site is great, dude.

    ReplyDelete
  94. yeah but these are gay geese who enjoy the fighting and the constant homoerotic tension as much as they enjoy the bread

    edit: wait, raven is here! that makes it heteroerotic tension, bow chicka wow wow

    ReplyDelete
  95. Ann,

    My "mum" never told me she loved me. But that doesn't mean she isn't a liar. She also told me Santa Claus wasn't real, and we all know how much baloney that is!

    And thank you for resorting to basic internet conversation strategies by using my mother to insult me. A classic.

    ReplyDelete
  96. your MUM is resorting to basic internet conversation strategies by using your mother to insult you

    ReplyDelete
  97. Ann mothered Ann. Ann also fathered Ann. This is why Ann hates traditional mothers everywhere.

    Captcha: smobil. Two guys are walking along the river bank, and one grabs the other's cell phone. "Why'd you do that?" the first asks. The second hurls it as far as he can over the lake and replies,

    ReplyDelete
  98. Ravenzomg

    Progress? Would that be with or without a capital P?
    And progress towards what might I ask? I don't see myself making any progress towards any objective than my own entertainment of being here.
    And to the anonymous who said the original angry psoter is gone, who were you referring to?
    Hopefully not me, because my extremely long post at the beginning of this was in no way angry.

    Disapointed maybe, but not angry.

    And don't insult Eric Blair! I'll make fun of you on my newfound blog!

    ReplyDelete
  99. If you are here for entertainment, then welcome! But otherwise, rest assured that nobody here legitimately believes anything any more, except that writing is entertaining.

    ReplyDelete
  100. You can mother me any time Raven




    wait that sounds wrong :(








    but also so right

    ReplyDelete
  101. ann you just want to taste her delicious milk

    ReplyDelete
  102. Agh!

    Apparently doubleclicking angers this site, and forces you to re-post. As I was typing before I was rudely interrupted by site maintenance,

    Ravenzomg,
    Your use of memebase pleases me. It's always good for a laugh.

    But surely you cannot think I would be a troll! I am merely the stupid white knight of the internet! Here to save the weak from overbearing authoritatrian bloggers!

    But how long can I fight these monsters before I become one myself?

    Was that a good, or bad use of previously used movie material?

    ReplyDelete
  103. not with that attitude/that doesn't stop him from wanting it

    ReplyDelete
  104. I am a work of fiction that grew out of a locus of hatred on this site.

    ReplyDelete
  105. To the vast amount of users here,

    I see the trolls have lost their attention with me. Either I am victorious, or there is a greater threat to their reign of terror in the vicinity. Or they're just happy to see eachother. Either way, it would appear I have become ousted in this... battle of... wit, or something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Hah! I found your naked milk fetish video, Raven!

    Also, wtf just happened here? There are some huge ass-posts up there.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Ignore them, Kitten. Hopefully we can get back to the true purpose of this site: trading pathetic insults and innuendo under the guise of improving our writing technique. The American Dream ladies & gentlemen.

    CATPCHA: sionts. It works, bitches.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Kitten,
    Are you referring to me?
    Really though, those posts would be the doing of
    Me.
    And I think it's due time for another...

    ReplyDelete
  109. Ann's crush on Raven is so large that it is almost a tenth of the size of Rob's left moob.

    Like that?

    ReplyDelete
  110. We made sweet comics together.

    ...Speaking of which, where did that get to? I feel like in this relationship I'm the one always putting out.

    ReplyDelete
  111. btw fatties
    i have linked the IRC channel at the bottom of the post, you should all come hang out

    ReplyDelete
  112. I got it half done and then exams and stuff happened and I lost the impulse :( though holidays have now started so it should not be long :)

    If only I was more like Randall. When sad things happen and I stop comicking, I could just write "Sad things have happened so I have not comicked. Er, maths."

    ReplyDelete
  113. Oh, wow. People are actually coming here to defend Randall. Do these people invade barbecues to preach about the evils of eating meat too?

    So, how do anons know Randall's relative has cancer? That sickness comic was anything but definite about that, his blag didn't either and I won't go into the xkcd forums to check. I didn't go there when I was a fan, let alone now. I didn't even know this was about cancer at first.

    ...I was going to continue this rant, but it's already too late for the party. And I'm sleepy. And this probably isn't making any more sense.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Anyways, I fixed #881 so that it is (a) no longer mopey, while still (b) keeping much of the source material.

    Pretty sure you will all understand the graphs better now.

    ReplyDelete
  115. Wow, the thought police are gonna make all of y'all unpersons.
    In other news, the final was somewhat anticlimatic today, don't you think?

    ReplyDelete
  116. Jesus fucking Christ, I was so looking forward to there being a post about this comment so that I could act all indignant and watch people try to put me down for it. Now I find these cunts have come along to piss all over my parade. This is total fucking bullshit. My entire day is spoiled. Fuck the lot of you, I hope you die in an acid bath.

    ReplyDelete
  117. I thought those were supposed to be rape statistics, like the probability of living a certain period without being raped. He's raping her in the last panel, isn't he? Looks like rape to me. So basically he's saying his lust has overpowered his love of mathematics and so he must flagrantly disrespect the odds.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Undercover cuddlefish is undercover:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5ZyUVrFDRE

    ReplyDelete
  119. Don't know how to feel about this rant, I was all "yeah you fucking tell that faggot to quit his bitching"

    But then I read the comments and realized this might be about cancer.

    Hmm.

    I am torn.

    ReplyDelete
  120. So having lost two family members to cancer and having nearly lost another, I feel qualified to say this comic is beyond shitty and Randy should feel much shame for posting it - but never will, because there's no room for shame in that head so occupied by fantasies of a vagina with breasts he may suckle gently (a boobgina, if you will).

    "Why Megan," he would say, "how singularly odd." "Oh, I knew you'd be disturbed by my boobgina," she would reply. "Not at all, my sweet" he coos reassuringly as he licks his lips in anticipation, "not at all."

    Anyway, I don't take any joy in the fact that Randy's relative is dying, because I don't know them and they may well be a humble and kind person well aware of their limitations. No, the only tragedy that should befall Randy is a mirror held up to his shittiness so he can realize what he's foisted upon the world.

    ReplyDelete
  121. By the way you should really say 'sex' not 'gender'. Gender is a linguistic term such as the 'gender of the latin word for table is feminine.

    So it should be 'I weep for my sex'. Although in a comic so littered with sex like sexkcd this might be misleading.

    Also just realised this might not be case in American English- would be interesting to find out

    ReplyDelete
  122. OK, honestly, you've gone too far. One of Randall's closest family members went through a serious illness, and he's making a comic expressing how mathematics helped him both himself and the ill person get through it.
    I understand that you people have to try and be angry about every single comic, but Randall just had someone almost die. Give him a fucking break.

    ReplyDelete
  123. it's my understanding that Randy is already on a fucking break and has been since 2003

    ZING

    ReplyDelete
  124. @AJ: A close family member of mine died of cancer, you don't have to be so angry towards me. Give me a fucking break!

    :'(

    ReplyDelete
  125. Good god this comment thread is filled with some self important cunts. And not just the usual ones. We're bursting at the seams with cunts.

    Randy should come over here himself, it's like a cunnilingus connoisseur's cornucopia up in this bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  126. "I am however constantly blasted with another site, called xkcdsucks.blogspot.com by a friend of mine and of how great it is. That is, until today. And there is no site by me of how xkcdsucks, sucks."

    actually there are like 10

    also everyone here hates rob. everyone

    ReplyDelete
  127. I am triskaidekasyllabicisationalistically challenged.
    I am not bitter - though a tad pent-up I reckon.

    Oh Capn. My Capn.
    You suck at the artful arrangement of sesquipedalia. And 'cunt' is my word - get your own!

    ReplyDelete
  128. Tide comes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can't explain that.



    STATISTICAL FACT

    ReplyDelete
  129. *Cunt punts ALTF*

    Captcha: matin. Mom walked in on me and my sister matin'

    ReplyDelete
  130. guys Randy died. Google 'Randall Munroe dead' and check it out

    ReplyDelete
  131. Oh good, now its the self important cunt that I know and recognize.










    ...


    bring back the cuddlefish

    ReplyDelete
  132. O Capn my Capn.
    It's your own fault for trying to emulate li'l ol' me.
    Nothing worse than a cunt that's full of themselves.

    Innit?

    ReplyDelete
  133. Nothing BETTER than a cunt that is full of itself my Kitten of Colostomisation.

    Innit?

    ReplyDelete
  134. And how many of those anons were you impostoring as kitten?

    ReplyDelete
  135. None, Capn, at least this time. But it's pretty obvious that no-one who actually likes xkcd comes here anymore.

    STATISTICAL FACT.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Dearest R

    I am sure you actually meant to write:

    'Seriously, fuck off'

    Without the inclusion of the comma, the word 'seriously' must be read as an adverb. This unfortunate reality renders your otherwise erudite request ambiguous.
    Though English is my fourth language, I do know this much.

    Innit?

    ReplyDelete
  137. Nono, you have to fuck off all proper and polite. No antics.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Sob
    Sniff

    Raven, Raven burning bright
    In this blogo-spheric blight
    I wish I may
    I wish I might
    Have her sex(1) for sex tonight.

    (1) To be understood as a noun like Anaïs Nin would mean it.

    Apologies to Messrs. Blake and Anonymous.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Raven's sex(1) is fearfully symmetric.

    (1) To be understood as a verb like Marvin Gaye would mean it.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Fearfull symmetry?
    Cosmetic labiaplasty?
    What's Going On here?

    ReplyDelete
  141. Ooops, missing an 'L' from my stash.
    That'l learn me!
    Even now.

    ReplyDelete
  142. Where the fucking fuck does it say this have anything to do with randall munroes actual real life?! It doesn't. What, are you faggots so stupid you think his "breakup" comics (which outnumber his "whee love" comics by a fair amount) are related to his real life too? Jesus christ you've got your panties in a bunch over absolutely nothing. Like atheists, amirite?

    Seriously, there is absolutely nothing to suggest that this has anytjing to do with his months-old family sickness. You stupid cockgagging shitcunts are defending a point that doesn't fucking exist.

    And for the record, I always swear this goddamn assturd much ever since I got back from the navy.

    ReplyDelete
  143. For the record, he says assturd a lot more since he got back from the Navy.

    ReplyDelete
  144. Ves said:

    "....And for the record, I always swear this goddamn assturd much ever since I got back from the navy...."

    Goodness! Do you still eat with that same mouth though?
    In The Navy? Is it still Rum, Bum and the Lash?

    ReplyDelete
  145. Why does Randall get a free pass on a completely shit comic because he has sick relatives? I mean, the fuck, drawing comics is his job. I'm sure if I performed work ridiculously shitty when my mom had ALS I would have been fired. But no, Randall gets a free pass. He's above criticism.

    Fuck cuddlefish and their lack of logic.

    ReplyDelete
  146. Yeah, cuddlefish opinions are worthless.

    ReplyDelete
  147. Who the hell has English as their fourth language? It's the current global lingua franca. Several billion people have learned it as their second language. I'm sure there are millions with English as a third language; Belgians, Swiss, Indians and various Africans who grew up in bilingual households (where neither language was English). But as a fourth language? That's a pretty unusual background.

    Ivorian who grew up speaking Dioula and Senufo, learned French in school and English later? An older Vietnamese historian who learned Russian and Chinese early on and English later?

    ALTF, were you born in Goa prior to 1961? Konkani, Marathi, Portuguese, then English?

    ReplyDelete
  148. The majority of Indians know English as their second language out of convenience since the different regions of India have different first languages just so you know.

    ReplyDelete
  149. "....I'm sure if I performed work ridiculously shitty when my mom had ALS I would have been fired....."

    Your mother is Lou Gehrig?
    They may not fire you for this, but I should think your 4th grade understanding of the Queen's English would warrant summary dismissal.
    The word 'had' is in the past tense completed aspect. If one had ALS that means they are either cured now, or dead. You should have used the word 'has' - past tense ongoing aspect.
    You also used the adverb 'ridiculously' to modify the adjective 'shitty' - you need a noun here. Perhaps had you said: "I'm sure if I performed work in a ridiculously shitty manner when my mom had ALS I would have been fired" the reworked syntax would have functioned correctly. Also, the word'had' need not be changed now.

    Innit?

    First: A minor language in the Sino-Tibetan family.
    Second: Spanish - My adopted country spoke Spanish.
    Third: French - The various countries where I was educated.
    Fourth: English - I learned so I could elicit larger fees for blowjobs.

    ReplyDelete
  150. @ Anonymous 1:05 PM

    Goa is full of catholic cunts and I was born about two decades after 1961.

    ReplyDelete
  151. Aquarians Love To Fuck is the most interesting person on here. The rest of you are boring shits.

    ReplyDelete
  152. @ Anonymous 1:42 PM

    Stop that you cunt!
    I thrive on rejection.
    I will not brook positive reinforcement.

    ReplyDelete
  153. Pay no attention to the cuddlefish behind the curtain. They are for amusement only.

    ReplyDelete
  154. Fucking Aquarians has requested that I post a link to photographs of her.

    Click me - she's in red.


    And we are not allowed to be amused here Capn?
    ALTF this place is rife with dullards. Come home to where you belong.

    ReplyDelete
  155. "By the way you should really say 'sex' not 'gender'. Gender is a linguistic term such as the 'gender of the latin word for table is feminine.

    So it should be 'I weep for my sex'. Although in a comic so littered with sex like sexkcd this might be misleading."

    take that up with Randy, not me.

    ReplyDelete
  156. Rob, you're wrong. You've never been so wrong, this was an awesome comic.

    From the top, Randall shows us some shitty graphs and statistics... I am already waiting to be pulled into another shitty stats comic. Randall probably found out something about the difference between bacteria and viruses or something. Then panel 3 happens, he talks about how he used to love statistics... I hesitate for a moment... he's not giving me some useless trivia only he thinks is funny. What is he doing? 4th panel, they're hugging. Someone is dying!?

    Shock sets in! Amazement! Statistics to give someone a life expectancy! Ooooh, what a dark turn of events this was! I was had, hook line and sinker, the dark twist at the end was more than I could handle and I burst out laughing. A bait and switch worth remembering. And the punchine! He managed it almost WITHOUT words! Just hugging! Sure, the art was shitty, but that hug clarified what was said in the previous panel! He actually managed to show rather than tell something! And it was FUNNY.

    ReplyDelete
  157. So Aquarians is intelligent, hot AND sexually adventurous?

    Awesome. I'm gonna go fap to those pics.

    ReplyDelete
  158. We both know all about the difference between the social construct of Gender and the linguistic concept of Grammatical Gender.

    Don't we Rob?

    ReplyDelete
  159. "If one had ALS that means they are either cured now, or dead. You should have used the word 'has' - past tense ongoing aspect."

    I said had because she had ALS. As in she's dead. Should have been obvious-- but apparently not to you.

    ReplyDelete
  160. yes. I found it especially amusing at the time that Randy went to such lengths to make his questionnaire inclusive by asking about chromosomes instead of sex, and then just went and said everyone with a Y chromosome was gendered male.

    ReplyDelete
  161. He said everyone with a Y chromosome is gendered male?

    His grasp of karyotipic cytogenetics is questionable.
    Swyer's Syndrome pops to mind.
    I think he might be a cunt now - assuming your rendition of his words is accurate.


    Anonymous at 2:50 PM said:

    "...I said had because she had ALS. As in she's dead. Should have been obvious-- but apparently not to you....."

    But! You prefaced your statement with the phrase: "I'm sure if I performed work..." This is in the present tense ongoing aspect which would require the past tense ongoing aspect 'has'. If you had written: "I am sure if I had performed work...." then 'had' would have been acceptable.
    What is obvious to me is that you are an unlettered buffoon who had, but no longer has, a mother.

    ReplyDelete
  162. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  163. Sorry, I messed up badly - it had to go.

    ReplyDelete
  164. Well, English is my third language but I know a total of five. That outranks you somewhat, does it not?

    In order: Slavomacedonian, Russian, English, Latin, French.

    CAPTCHA: seshoriv; "I'd go to the seshoriv I could"

    ReplyDelete
  165. It's cool because he can speak to anyone south of Texas with his 4th language.

    ReplyDelete
  166. I don't know any languages. I have tried to learn. In fact, I have been attempting this worthless feat for some time. I'm writing in a language, but I have denied and am going to persist in asserting that this shan't prove nor will prove anything. What I have learned today from XKCDsucks comments is that conveyed meaning is irrelevant, but knowledge of tenses is key. If I can, if I could, if I should, if I might, if I must, I shall endeavor to try and improve, and thereby earn the love and adoration of all the trolls who would currently mock my pathetic attempts. I would have been celebrating at this point, but the suspicion remains that I will have been relentlessly attacked very soon. Oh well.

    ReplyDelete
  167. Oh rob... you're such a douche, it's almost funny.
    Hmm, no, actually it's just sad.

    ReplyDelete