Sunday, November 25, 2012

Comics 1134-1138: A Map Of Terrible Things

1134. no. F

1135. I like spiders. C+

1136. Someone's been reading Ecclesiastes! C-

1137. LOL WHAT IF PEOPLE WERE LIKE COMPUTERS F-----

1138. no. F

117 comments:

  1. rate the comments

    ReplyDelete
  2. Rob, will you have sex with me, y/n?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. fine, I don't like you anyway

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. STOP CLASSIFYING WRONGLY.

      0123456789ABCDEFuck you.

      Delete
  4. Timothy McVeigh 2016

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ambivalence combined with mild distrust is the only way to view spiders. Anyone who dislikes them is an idiot and anyone who likes them is sinister.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Falling coconuts kill more people worldwide than spiders. There's nothing sinister about them.

      Delete
    2. spiders only kill people who are morally inadequate

      Delete
    3. Dangerous doesn't mean sinister. I wouldn't call you coconut example sinister. I would call your fixation with children's swimwear sinister- even though i'm sure its perfectly harmless.

      Delete
    4. I like to dress coconuts in infant onesies.
      I like to dress coconuts in infant onesies.
      I like to dress coconuts in infant onesies.
      I like to dress coconuts in infant onesies.
      I like to dress coconuts in infant onesies.

      Will you dress coconuts with me?
      Will you dress coconuts with me?
      Will you dress coconuts with me?
      Will you dress coconuts with me?
      Will you dress coconuts with me?

      Coconuts provide milk.
      Coconuts provide milk.
      Coconuts provide milk.
      Coconuts provide milk.
      Coconuts provide milk.

      My mother never provided milk.
      My mother never provided milk.
      My mother never provided milk.
      My mother never provided milk.
      My mother never provided milk.

      Megan is my coconut now.
      Megan is my coconut now.
      Megan is my coconut now.
      Megan is my coconut now.
      Megan is my coconut now.

      Delete
    5. I'm right-handed and I like spiders too, so fuck you.

      Delete
    6. My mind is blown by your dexterity, 6:52.

      Delete
    7. Maybe I'm the first person here to say it but I find reading LOLOLOL posts really boring. I have started reading hundreds of LOLOLOL posts of almost identical lengths and probably finished a dozen throughout my life, not including this one.

      I find it hard to pick up a LOLOLOL post without immediately engaging a mindset of, "Here's a consumable that some guy has produced to lazily dismiss the parent and/or force a meme. What comfortable fantasy is he creating to enable this?" And that's how my whole reading experience goes. A LOLOLOL post makes no point well which can't be better made with a "your mom" insult. It takes me nowhere without giving me the uncomfortable sense that someone thinks this is where I am supposed to need to be in order to see something false or escape something true. A LOLOLOL post idealises; it romanticises; it preaches. It falls asleep and it dreams. It is a selfish journey away from an argument.

      xkcdsucks already has enough that is careless and that is abhorrent - and the truth about how awful it has become is far more challenging to confront. A LOLOLOL post has always seemed like the easy way out.

      Delete
    8. lol i remember that meme, nice one bro

      Delete
    9. LOLOLOLOLOL LONG RANT ABOUT POINTLESS SHIT

      Delete
    10. LOLOLOL NEWFAG INABILITY TO RECOGNISE XKCDSUCKS CLASSIC

      Delete
    11. LOLOLOL LOLOLOL JOKES STREAK

      Delete
    12. Your mom romanticises.

      Delete
    13. Anon 2:09,
      IT'S GREEK, YOU FUCK!

      Delete
    14. 10:04 almost sounds serious.

      Delete
  6. haha, the classhole acts as Randall's mouthpiece in the most belated piece of staircase wit ever.

    Anyway, I'm more interested in 1138. Does Randall actually attend business meetings or does he just presume he knows what goes on in there? He seems to make a lot of comics like this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Guys, I can't take sides with either of these pieces of shit.

    http://starstrukkmixes.tumblr.com/post/34115338140

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=230420600419264&set=a.230383670422957.52570.230369427091048&type=1&theater

    ReplyDelete
  8. 1139 - Hat boy is a gay weirdo. 6.5/10

    ReplyDelete
  9. omg the comic with the backwards writing magically corrected itself.

    btw who uses Eccles as an abbreviation for Ecclesiastes? americans? fucksake. an eccles is a disgusting CAKE, named after a town

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who doesn't like eccles cakes? Is it because you are racist against Northern folk, or are you just an inhuman monster?

      Delete
    2. they're made of currants. there's few things more gross in this world.

      although I am also obv both of those things too

      Delete
    3. What time is it, Eccles?

      Delete
  10. There's now a massive xkcd store link in the remarks section. Someone's running out of money!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someone? Any info on who that could be?

      Delete
    2. Zach Weiner, I believe.

      Delete
  11. i'm calling bullshit on this eleventh thing. like, november 11th? fucking Remembrance Day? as IF that's never mentioned. fuck you mr randall munroe. fuck you and your americocentric fucking bullshit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't Veterans Day a national holiday in the US? Why would you assume not noticing November 11th is americocentric? Is it because you are racist against Americans?

      Delete
    2. "You are racist against americans?" - Lord Kitten

      Delete
  12. another "I CAN USE GOOGLE" comic, awesome

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm racist against weaselsoup. I think weaselsoup is an inferior race. I think weaselsoup should go back to her land and never mix her genes with non-weaselsoup persons. I think everyone who disagrees with that (other than weaselsoup) is a traitor against their race.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i think I love you anon 723

      Delete
  14. http://xkcd.com/858/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. don't visit this link, it's a virus

      Delete
    2. don't visit 3:25's mom, she has a virus

      Delete
  15. Well, the metrics for 1140 sucks so much! He missed some really important dates, simply because they have their own name, so that people usually don't say "the 24th December", but Christmas' Eve. The same for Halloween, Thanksgiving and possibly other american holidays I'm not aware of.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Select some data from Google, draw graph. COMIC COMPLETE. Fuck off, Randall

      Delete
    2. That is a very good point, Unknown.

      Also, 3:38, are you implying Randall Munroe is a fraud? IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE IMPLYING?

      Delete
    3. Not a fraud so much as a hack, I'd say.

      Delete
    4. Not a hack so much as a blind man in the kingdom of the blind who claims he can see, I'd say.

      Delete
    5. The Emperor's New Webcomic, as it were.

      Delete
    6. Except that the children keep telling him he's naked, blind and retarded but he acts as if he's deaf too.

      Delete
    7. His Majesty marches on.

      Delete
  16. 92% of the comments here come from my sock puppets.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not possible. At least 45% come from mine.

      Delete
    2. But there are only ever a handful of Anonymous comments that don't originate from me?

      Delete
    3. Haha, I love monologues. Don't mind me guys (and by "guys", I mean Rob.)

      Delete
    4. No, they all come for Jon Levi

      Delete
    5. **on, that should say.

      Delete
  17. The problem with 1139 is thatI didn't realise it was about children until about the third panel, because the child stick figures are drawn almost exactly the same as he adults. That has some worrying implications.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The problem with 1139 is that it was drawn

      fixed that for you

      Delete
    2. The problem with 1139 is that it was

      FTFY

      Delete
    3. 1139

      self-explanatory?

      Delete
  18. Now he's got me wondering. Having exhausted (hahaha, no) his other forms of latent repetitive mediocrity, has Randall just moved on to new permutations of nonsense to beat into the ground?

    It's like Jeph Jacques' formula: Introduce new female character who looks exactly the same as all the other female characters, give her awkward personality quirk, run her through the gauntlet of awkward interactions with all the others, iterate.* Except Randall doesn't have characters. He never did.** Instead he has concepts. Realms of "humor" to draw from.

    And now he's just turning the wheel of permutation again to reapply shitty new concept humor to the same tired situations. (**)What "characters" he claims are really just concepts. The surrealist (read: fucking idiot). The black hat (read: now tragically lame asshole). BUT NOW ALL THEIR MEANINGS ARE DIFFERENT!

    Beret Hat isn't lolquirky. He doesn't make any fucking sense.

    Black Hat isn't assholier-than-thou. He's just deliberately strange. what the fuck is this gothic Marcel Duchamp shit? The only way to twist him into more of a Tragic Prince Forlorn would be to embed 69 Eyes into the fucking webpage. I swear to god, waxing over broken mirrors and outmisfitting some bullies? Next thing you know he'll come out of his shell and win Homecoming King after all.

    Lolgraphs.

    So he's got me wondering. Will the next one be a new concept he drags across the coals of former success? Or just a bastardization of those same coals, rendering them to ash?

    * Then stab yourself in the hand, I guess.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BUT WHERE'S THE SECOND FOOTNOTE?

      Delete
    2. **herp derp im a twat

      Delete
    3. "Oh look no character development such terrible writing RAGE RAGE RAGE!"
      [character develops]
      "That's not what the character is like he's changed it's inconsistent such terrible writing RAGE RAGE RAGE!"

      Get a fucking grip.

      Delete
    4. That's not character development. That's shitty material posing as character development.

      Maybe I just need to cite His Honorable Jacques some more here, but literally any character that has ever appeared in XKCD could be substituted for Black Hat Child and it would equally hold. I don't expect to discover later that oh noes, black hat kid, you had bullies and now i understand you. Every single person in the xkcd world acts like this. They wouldn't even need to be children. Hell, the bullies could even still be kids, and adult stick figures would still do this.

      Delete
    5. "Hell, the bullies could even still be kids, and adult stick figures would still do this."

      that would probably make this work a lot better actually

      i mean it would still suck, but still

      Delete
    6. development does not only mean change, it means the changes have to make sense.

      Delete
  19. I'm from the future !
    "But caaaancer" is such a tired meme. Stop it already !
    Oh well at least now with Gamer_2k4 in charge there are some interesting dicsussions in the comment threads again !

    ReplyDelete
  20. Replies
    1. gayest thing ever

      Delete
    2. I like how all the ads on the page are for the VLCC anti-obesity drive.

      Delete
    3. Who...
      What genius wrote that???

      Delete
    4. Jon Levi, you must continue writing that story.

      Delete
  21. This is SHIT, this blog is SHIT SHIT SHIT.
    You're all SHIT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you're GLUE!

      Delete
    2. I'm rubber, you're a Jew. Whatever you say bounces off me and knocks you into a gas chamber.

      Delete
  22. THIS is SHIT rearranged.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Oh joy, another cancer comic. And you just know the forums are going to eat it right up.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I am a chemist. The CRC chemistry handbook is full of nothing but numerical tables of physical properties. Even a chemist would think someone who just sat there READING this was a loser. More than a loser: a dangerously ill and possibly moronic individual. I don't care how much you like science, nothing in learning it makes you go "Oh look, the Joule-Thompson coefficients of every diatomic gas, in alphabetical order, what fun!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry man, but picking on nerds isn't cool anymore. Big Bang Theory put an end to that bad attitude. Nerds are pretty rad folk that like to just sit around reading pure data sometimes, and that's A-OK. Sometimes they even bang above average blond chicks after obsessively doting for a few years. Good for them, I say.

      Delete
    2. acc. BBT: nerds are all cunts

      Delete
    3. my point is, that's not what a nerd is. A nerd loves information. Information is not data

      Delete
  25. This comment is sponsored by Ingress. The Game.

    ReplyDelete
  26. First. Why the bloody hell does this Blog exist? Are you insinuating that a part of your existence is purely used to make ridiculous and downright idiotic comments about a Well respected, creative, funny, and mentally stimulating piece of work? What deserves such ridicule?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Secondly. Does nobody realize that if the humour is to intelligent for you, there's this great thing called Google? I understand the basis for free speech but jesus think before you create you moronic cretin. Following your logic and the logic of this Blog, we should all stop thinking and satisfy our creative desires with Jersey Shore. No intelligence needed.

      Delete
    2. How did you become so sophisticated, Jeremy?

      Delete
    3. Seriously? "Mentally stimulating"?

      Oh lol, almost believed you there hehe nice troll ;) ;)

      Delete
    4. This morning 8:31 burst into my kitchen as I ate my breakfast.

      "Are you insinuating that you eat breakfast?" he cried in outrage as he watched me plunge food into my mouth.

      I remained silent and continued to chew, as I prefer not to speak with my mouth full. He watched me for a moment before suddenly crying out,

      "Are you insinuating that you chew?" His face was starting to turn red at this point. I do believe he was quite incensed by acts that he perceived as insinuation, but I was unable to to fathom why. I could have asked, but upon finishing my meal I realised I had no time for conversation. I was late for work.

      "Are you insinuating that you stand up from chairs?" he screamed in rage as I stood up from my chair. I did paid him little heed and rushed from the room.

      I think he tried to follow me, but I was in a hurry and was quickly beyond his reach.

      It had been a most peculiar morning.

      Delete
    5. Anon 8:31 is a fanboy and Jeremy is an angsty nerd.

      Delete
    6. Eumesmopo is a bit slow.

      Delete
    7. @5:53: that was good =D

      @4:32: and it's not the first time he's proved it.

      captcha: idqher, but i qnow him

      Delete
  27. 1139 has proven that Randall Munroe can't draw children, or at least, he draws them exactly the same as the adults. Ergo, for all we know, any XKCD character could be a child. Discuss.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First try: http://xkcd.com/298/

      Your theory seems to hold true.

      Delete
  28. Would 1143 make more sense if I knew anything about the technology involved?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe. Wouldn't make it any funnier though.

      Delete
  29. Thumbs up if you love me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not feeling the love, guys!

      Delete
    2. I'll thumb yours if you thumb mine.

      Delete
  30. Q: How does Randall annoy you? A: Like this.

    ReplyDelete
  31. My interpretation of this comic is that Randall found out how to annoy web developers by adding retarded broken HTML to xkcd somewhere and his web developer / sysadmin / person-that-does-all-those-things-Randall-can't-because-he's-too-busy-drawing-a-five-minute-comic-three-times-a-week-and-masturbating-to-lactation-fetish-porn had to fix it and was annoyed at him.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Replies
    1. You must be Angela Zhang.

      Delete