Sunday, December 9, 2012

Comics 1139-1144: Everything Is Meaningless

1139. Trying to imagine a world in which any child would think that this was frightening and not just unimaginably lame. Failing. F

1140. The only good thing about this was the people complaining that he forgot to make dates like Christmas big, as if this were an oversight, like he just forgot that Christmas existed. F

1141. Negative bonus points for the "but caaaancer" line. F-

1142. no. F

1143. Can't be bothered to look up what he's referencing here. F

1144. It's like he wrote a sequel to 859 after it achieved unexpected commercial success. Like all unplanned sequels, it is even worse than the original. That's saying a lot. F

In other news, remember that redux guy? Me neither. But intrepid commenter "David" has sent me a link to a tumblr where he's reposting all of the guy's old reviews, if you're into that sort of thing. Relive the past! You can never escape it.

219 comments:

  1. Do you ever think that this sort of commentary is unnecessary at this point? If you have no desire to put any effort into what you are writing, why bother continuing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. your suffering is exquisite

      Delete
    2. It's useless, anon. Believe me, been there; seen it.

      Delete
    3. I meant that legitimately, and not as a critique on you. I definitely wouldn't expect you to keep up with a comic you dislike, even going as far as to regularly comment on it.
      I understand that this blog has a dedicated readership, and that brings in revenue from various ad companies. I was just curious if you really liked writing these reviews.

      Delete
    4. the little one-sentence ones provide a reasonably enjoyment-to-effort ratio.

      i don't get any of the ad revenue, that all goes to carl.

      Delete
  2. I find it kinda cute how Rob is always on the defensive when it comes to the quality of his reviews. I think it tells you something about what xkcdsucks once meant to him! I wonder if he's aware?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "YES MY REVIEWS ARE CRAP BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I DON'T CARE ABOUT XKCD, NOT BECAUSE I'M A BRAINLESS HATER!! THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I COULD WRITE GREAT RANTS AGAINST XKCD AND I STILL COULD IF I WANTED TO!! BUT I DON'T CARE!! I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, NAMELY THAT I REALLY DON'T CARE!! HOPE THERE'S NO MISUNDERSTANDING!!"

      That's how I see it, at least.

      Delete
    2. so is the going theory that the reason i write lame one-sentence reviews because i am incapable of doing better? i confess i haven't kept up

      Delete
    3. i mean in a sense that would be accurate, as doing more would require me to do more than exert five minutes of effort every other week and i just don't have it in me anymore. even those five minutes are somewhat trying, but comments get locked on two-week old posts and i'd hate to just let the place die.

      i'd have handed over the keys a long time ago if carl weren't too afraid of losing his adsense dollarzzzzz to give me admin access.

      Delete
    4. I was just saying that you're pretty sensitive about criticism. You stopped writing proper reviews, and seldom post in the comments section, but you almost always respond to criticism. I don't really get why you're still somewhat emotionally invested in this blog now that it has become what it has become. How many worthwile comments were there in the last thread?

      Delete
    5. i basically only read the comments that come in the first few hours after posting, and then some random selection of them after, but in my experience there are never worthwhile comments. i mostly keep posting for the benefit of the IRC channel, because there are a few infrequent guests who would i think stop coming if the blog were to die. also i keep it running for the eventual return of ALTF.

      that, and i still find it amusing that people are still telling me that i'm lazy, or that complain that i have "nothing better to do" than post here, which is probably why i respond to criticism more than anything else. there's a huge gulf between perception and reality, and that never fails to entertain me.

      Delete
    6. I hope Rob is more honest with himself than he is with us. A lack of self awareness is such a sad flaw.

      Delete
    7. He spends so much time responding to criticism I worry that it is cutting into his busy and important lifestyle.

      Delete
    8. rob is lovely. stop being horrid to him.

      Delete
    9. I'm not. This is how I make love.

      Delete
  3. Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

    ReplyDelete
  4. About Christmas... dates like Christmas aren't big because people call them "Christmas". The criterion was to call the dates by name, so people would have to call Christmas "December 25th". They don't do that much. That is why the number is small.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Massive dweeb. Was able to reference an issue that was published ages ago that even fans would have forgotten.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Does God exist?

    ———-
    A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. They eventually touched on the subject of God.
    Barber: I don’t believe that God exists.

    Customer: Why do you say that?

    Barber: Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can’t imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.
    ———-
    The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again.

    Customer: You know what? Barbers don’t exist.

    Barber: How can you say that? I am here. I am a barber, and I just worked on you!

    Customer: No! Barbers don’t exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.

    Barber: Ah, but barbers DO exist! That’s what happens when people do not come to me.

    Customer: Exactly! That’s the point! God, too, DOES exist! That’s what happens when people do not go to Him and don’t look to Him for help. That’s why there’s so much pain and suffering in the world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did like to add that, just like you do with the barber; you need to give god your money in exchange for his services.

      Delete
    2. And god only works from 9 to 5 and not on public holidays or weekends.

      Delete
    3. I'm not religious, but I'm always amazed by how often people forget that the Christian narrative isn't about reward in the material world. This life is supposed to be shit. Cleaving to God's word gives you strength to endure it until you are rewarded in the afterlife.

      Delete
    4. ".....Does God exist?....."

      The question is invalid.
      An affirmative answer can be verified. A negative response cannot.

      A statement, or question, can only be valid if it can be either verified if true and falsified if untrue.
      The question, "Does god exist?" or "god exists" cannot be proved false.

      So, Fay K. Straumann, fuck off!

      Delete
    5. You're an agnostic because not even atheism would allow you to reach the levels of elitism and smugness you aim to.

      Delete
    6. Eumesmopo December 11, 2012 9:28 AM said,

      ".....You're an agnostic because not even atheism would allow you to reach the levels of elitism and smugness you aim to......"

      And you're a cunt because not even access to the Internet, and my free tutelage, would allow you to reach the levels of literacy and letteredness for which you should aim.

      Delete
    7. Your tutelage would allow me to reach something all right.

      Delete
    8. Unexplored levels of ecstasy?

      Unheard of strata of divining extispicy?

      Both?

      Delete
    9. *irrumates your oropharynx*




      *gently - at least at first*

      Delete
    10. If by 'thai' you mean 'Thai', fuck off!

      Burmese - replete with the sandalwood paste on my cheeks and the Hta-mein covering my arse - and harbouring nothing but hate for the Suu Kyi cunt in my heart.

      Delete
    11. They fabricate transsexuals at Burma too? It must be either that or strap-ons.

      Delete
    12. I am a founding member of "The Strap-On Veterans For Truth", a 527 Group a friend and I formed to advance, but not 'expressly advocate' for, a UKIP victory in the last US election.

      And it's 'in Myanmar', not 'at Burma', arse!

      Delete
    13. no it's not. that is the name chosen by the military dictatorship and you shouldn't use it. even with its colonial connotations 'Burma' is still preferred by many people who oppose the terrible government who imposed the change.

      Delete
    14. People who use that defense seem to think the God of the Bible is the only possible God. Who's to say there isn't a real God who enjoys when people suffer? I wouldn't blame him; prosperity must get boring after several centuries.

      Delete
    15. Hm, no need to dig deep (not that that was particularly deep) in order to show OP's atheist bait doesn't work: what if that guy on the street just liked his beard and dirty hair?

      Still, OP deserves some Kirk Cameron points for that, perfect for circle jerk.

      Delete
  7. Revised version of 1143.
    The artwork is crappy, but I think the premise is slightly more entertaining.
    https://sites.google.com/site/m3nacingbanjo/comics/location_2

    ReplyDelete
  8. I was dumb enough to bother looking up what 1143 referenced. It's still beta/not publically available. So Randall is just being deliberately obscure. Sorry, no GOOMHR for a game only a handful of people can actually play.

    Frankly, I'm surprised anybody still reads xkcd, given how insanely popular playing Megakiure (see #721) has become. According to the NYT, the average adult spends 6 hours a day playing Megakiure. Oh wait, I lied, Megakiure still hasn't been released to the public either. Good job predicting trends Randall.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *Miegakure
      -
      Also, is that game ever comming out of development hell?

      Delete
    2. *coming

      no-one cares

      Delete
  9. Thanks for the plug, Rob! Glad I was able to find a backup of those old reviews

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hmh. xkcd has been declining for ages but it's comics like 1139 (Rubber and Glue) that are really abysmal in my opinion. It feels like Randall's just projecting his power fantasies over childhood bullies on xkcd.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Rob December 9, 2012 5:37 PM

    "........i basically only read the comments that come in the first few hours after posting,....."

    Fuck off you do.
    You have this Comment Section rigged to some wireless gizmo that feeds an equally wireless gerbil-esque squirm command to your anal OhMiBod!

    ".......also i keep it running for the eventual return of ALTF........"

    Fuck off!
    I don't need your fucking charity!

    Cunt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I don't need your fucking charity!"

      but you want it

      Delete
    2. More than you could possibly imagine Rob.

      Or maybe you could?

      It's minus 15 degrees C here and the fucking pizza doesn't have opium on it!
      How the fuck do you folks live here in the Americas?

      Delete
  12. I see that rectally haemorrhaging refuse from the playing fields of Eton is still about.

    Lord Kitten

    I reckon he's off at the moment, to the Palace, trying to slip Kate some Thalidomide to help her with her posh emesis gravidarum.
    Ever the pantaloon he is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey ALTF! Did you miss me?

      Delete
    2. Yes.
      Even conversing with you is better than comforting children who have just had their legs blown off.

      "I mean, child, you're no longer a bare-footed peasant from a third-world shitehole - look on the bright side!"

      Fortunately, the poor thing doesn't speak the Queen's English - like you probably.

      Delete
    3. There is such a thing as too much optimism :( Speaking of optimism, when are we going to see photos of you in your doctor costume?

      As for me, I take great pride in speaking only the vilest varieties of English.

      Delete
    4. Your use of a punctuation happy-face as a 'Full Stop', or 'Period' as the Yankee would call it, has just eliminated that possibility - photographs of yours truly all 'doc-ed up' that is.

      It is important to have pride in something I reckon.

      Delete
    5. i've always found pride to be a waste of time, personally

      Delete
    6. You would say that, you fatty.

      Delete
    7. I've always found time to be a waste of pride and fat to be a waste of Joules.

      Delete
    8. Fat people use up too many perfectly fine atoms if you ask me. They're the ultimate capitalists.

      Delete
    9. Perfectly fine atoms are fucking Bohring.


      And believe it or not, I am not ashamed of that. I should be though, I reckon.

      Delete
    10. You should indeed. I think slightly less highly of you now, but weirdly enough, your sex appeal is intact... or is it?

      A photograph of mine truly would undoubtedly clear this ambivalence.

      Delete
  13. Replies
    1. Jaysus!
      It's "Ah fuck"
      Have you feckers not learned anything from me? There's a good reason why the Bavarian Illuminati invented our bicameral script with its meaningful majuscule you ignoramus.

      Use it!
      Or fucking perish!

      Delete
    2. The majuscule is an expression of the typographer's joie de vivre, ya cunt.

      Delete
    3. True.
      Though I suspect it would have been rendered, "Lebensfreude" them's typographer's bein' Bavarian and all.

      Delete
    4. typographer's

      FAILCUNT

      Delete
    5. Nyuck!

      FLAILCUNT would be funnier though - there being a connection between improper diacritic use and the early Baroque concept of 'flailing'.

      I do so love giving the unlettered cunts just that little bit of 'gotcha' triumph before I must rain upon there parade's.

      Innit?

      The ALT-F giveth. And the ALT-F taketh away.

      Delete
  14. Finished dicking about for another 6 months, ALTF? Tutor banked another $240k from the kids in the blue fezes? You're welcome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Ducats come from the Yankee Doge.

      I am on 'Leave' for three weeks - then back to the Palace.

      Delete
    2. Do they not have internet in the palace, my dear? It's just a shame if that means we can't see you more often.

      Delete
  15. "Dicking about", ya got that right! In some foreigner's dirty bum.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I've learned something from you, ALT-F. I've learned to keep the FBI on speed dial.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Best you use CSIS and/or the RCMP.
      The timely nature of the international co-operation between the FBI and the RCMP being what it is.

      "Dicking about" is a phrase I oft' hear from the bee-stung lips of my Tutor. You're not he are you?

      Delete
    2. Oh, and Clarice? You anthropomorphise a tad too much - lambs don't cry.

      Delete
    3. I, too, have seen "Silence of the Lambs".

      Delete
  17. Don't look here, the true joke is between your legs.

    ReplyDelete
  18. What's special about the horizontal axis is that your fucking eyes are arranged along it you douchenozzle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only Axis that I think is special is the one that's as bold as love itself!

      Well she's walking through the clouds
      With a circus mind that's running round
      Butterflies and zebras
      And moonbeams and fairy tales
      That's all she ever thinks about
      Riding with the wind.

      Delete
    2. The way you took my words and construed them differently was hilarious!

      Delete
    3. Your lack of faith in your belief that others will understand your illiterate dross, especially when it is rendered as perfectly fine sarcasm, is saddening to me. And frankly, also insulting to both Rob and Carl.

      Delete
    4. How can one lack faith in one's own belief?

      Delete
    5. If it was because your eyes are arranged horizontally, then closing one eye would change how the reflection appears.

      Best explanation I can come up with is the mirror doesn't actually turn the light around. The light beam that hits its right side is still on on the right side. What's special about the horizontal axis is that you yourself rotated on it to see the light that's behind you. If you were to rotate on a vertical axis (stand on your head), then everything is flipped vertically instead.

      That was actually an interesting thought question. Too bad Randy didn't make it up.

      Delete
    6. The only inversion is back-to-front. If there were no inversion at all, you would see the back of your own head.

      Delete
    7. You mean like on Black Sabbath's sixth album? Go back to hell, you devil worshiper!

      Delete
    8. Anon 8:48, go stab yourself in the eye with a broken mirror shard, and then tell me if reflections are still reflected left-to-right.

      Delete
  19. 1145 was actually quite a good science-themed comic, on a par with some of the classics. 1146 made up for this by being everything that is bad about xkcd. The art serves nothing, it has no purpose. It's just two stick figures that look the same. This is not just minimalism to make it easier to sympathize with the characters. This is just vagueness.

    And speaking of vagueness, the actual things that they're saying are incredibly vague problems that could apply to everyone. If Randall thinks he is special because he has these problem, then he's in a sweet delusion. Either that or he knows that they are arbitrary and vague as possible, and he's going for the maximum GOOMH-bait (wow, been a while since anyone said that here) in a single comic.

    The standard faults are all there. post-punchline dialog - check, Wall of text - kinda, floating heads - one pixel away from it. I'm also not sure which stick figure is supposed to be talking in the alt text, not that it matters, since they're both the same character.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hm, please come to an agreement, guys. My lack of sense of humor and critical thinking forces me to rely on others' opinions.

      Delete
    2. And this of course was meant to be posted in the above thread.

      Delete
    3. I agree with Jon.

      Delete
    4. I agree with 3:39.

      Delete
    5. 1145 may have worked...except only an idiot wouldn't have an answer for this. Sure, according to the Rayleigh scattering explanation, the sky should be violet...if the sun radiated every wavelength of light at equal intensity. A child knows that the sun is yellow, and yet unnamed "scientist" is stumped by why a 10,000 K blackbody doesn't radiate ultraviolet. Fuck you Randall, you suck at science.

      Delete
    6. I would agree with you too 4:04, but the humour in your post was Not Found.

      Delete
    7. jon if you would be so kind as to meet me in the alley out back i have some very special things to show you

      Delete
    8. As Anon 4:04, I agree with Jon 5:35. As soon as I posted it, I thought to myself: "oh crap dude". My apologies.

      Which doesn't make your 404 joke OK. That is never OK even when your name is Randall.

      Delete
    9. Since when did 404 jokes become okay?

      I don't think it's okay.

      Delete
    10. Since when getting memes wrong become okay?

      I don't think it's okay.

      (The original meme omitted the "did".)

      Delete
  20. This is my review of Comic 1145,

    Comic 1145

    My hobby: Utterly destroying children who succumb to the manipulative hobbies of other cunts.

    Crotch Fruit: “Mommy, why is the sky blue?”

    Mommy Dearest: “Rayleigh Scattering! Short wavelengths get scattered way more. (Proportional to one over Greek-shit-to-the-fourth) Blue light dominates because it’s so short.

    Crotch Fruit: “Oh. So why isn’t the sky violet?”

    Mommy Dearest: “Well, because, uh....hmm...Because you cry when you don’t get your way and this is the singular cause of your father’s excessive drinking. And when you lied about the spilt milk yesterday, I stopped loving you completely.”

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since you are a lazy fuck, Rob, feel free to delete this and re-post it as your own work.

      I'd redact the 'cunt' word though. The swarthy masses here will know sommat's amiss if you retain it.

      Ownership is Theft!
      Stop SOPA!
      And all that cuntbutlery.

      Delete
    2. Do you rub yourself off during your monologues? I know I do.

      Delete
    3. We girls call it,

      "Polishing the pearl"

      or

      "Slapping the little man in the canoe"

      Delete
    4. i was always fond of calling it 'digging for your keys'

      Delete
    5. Your homosexuality is evident, Rob.

      Delete
  21. This is my review of Comic 1146,

    Comic 1146

    One cannot be too honest. Can one be too pregnant? Honesty is an absolute construct; one is either honest or one is not. There are no gradations of honesty. I will not dignify this comic any further.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sure you can. For example, it would be a little honest to say I have an imaginary friend.

      It would be a lot honest to say that my inner child (who is part of the same paracosm as my self, my outward persona, my Jungian shadow and my spirit animal, and therefore eligible for first-person pronouns) is in a mutual imaginary friendship with a teenage boy, who lives a humdrum life with an imaginary family, and all unaware of their nonexistence. He said it would be okay to write this.

      Delete
  22. Where is that Ravenzomg person these days?
    Or that Ann Apolis chav?

    I for one, miss their gentle besprinkling of lexical bird seed and Faerie dust hither and thither.
    Are they no more?
    If so, let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if xkcdsucks and its commenters last for a thousand years, men will still say, This was their finest hour.

    Now what should we expect?

    Me, as I malevolently bung my vile cacophemistic Avian semen and Tinker Bell dander every which way, bespattering all with its foetid stench.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like to think they got married, fled to Alaska, and are now expecting a child. If it's a boy, they'll call it Eumesmopo, and if it's a girl, they'll call it Jon Levi.

      Delete
  23. Replies
    1. I cun't decide if "tl;dnr" was a Freudian slip or not.

      Delete
    2. Does anyone else want to smother their fist in lard and peanut shells and ram it up ALTF's prolapsed poop chute?

      Delete
    3. My rectal prolapse is of no concern of yours.

      Delete
    4. Nope. A baseball bat, maybe, or perhaps a drill. Maybe even a jackhammer? But definitely not my fist. I'm a mysophobe, you see.

      Delete
  24. LOL ALTF is a DNR!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let this post be a lesson as to how stupid you look if more than half of what you say is made of initialisms.

      Delete
  25. Randy's life must be a nightmare. Having to convert all, or most of your Wiki Walks into a comic. Watching again all your DVDs/re-reading all your books just to build your database of Things That Make You Sound Smart When You Quote Them. Always looking for the perfect balance between extreme elitism and can'twejustallloveeachotherandbetolerantandeverything'ssocoolandprettyIhatethepeoplewhotellyouwhoyoushouldbewe'reallhumans.

    I mean, he kinda entrapped himself, now he feels like he has to be the coolest geek of them all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Sisyphean struggle to produce insightful comics has clearly taken its toll on the man. He can no longer enjoy anything anymore. What is the next day to him, except more possible ideas to make into a comic. A kiss from a loved one, a simple timeless joke, the beauty in every living thing? All comic ideas. Does xkcd support Randall, or does Randall support xkcd?

      Delete
    2. An alternative take on Randy's miserable life:

      What If he were just like Rob? The latter says "the little one-sentence [reviews] provide a reasonably (sic) enjoyment-to-effort ratio". Maybe we've been overestimating the amount of fucks Randy gives about xkcd. In any case, I'm pretty sure he'd say the money-to-effort ratio is pretty damn reasonably.

      Delete
  26. I've no idea what a DNR is, but I'll Girl-up to it!

    I'm tough that way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really? That's quite interesting, that the fake Doctor Cunt doesn't know that DNR means Do Not Resuscitate.

      Why don't you also stop pretending you have a uterus.

      Delete
    2. Sometimes I wonder whether ALTF sockpuppets as the idiots who reply to her. The alternative is far more harrowing.

      Delete
    3. Hey, I replied to ALTF a couple of times, and I am no sockpuppet. I have a hand up my arse for completely different reasons.

      Delete
  27. It's refreshing to have you back, ALTF. Every play needs its Shakespearean Fool.

    And I notice that I feature twice on your blog as the non-dullardic Anonymous supporting act. I'm almost touched.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Credit where credit is due is my credo.

      I'm a Chaucerian Fool by the way. With a codpiece full of Molière added.

      Delete
    2. Yes, I do see you as La Petite Princesse. A bold choice to install the Platonic Mind's Eye in the pubis, but I admire your חֻצְפָּה - there being no cojones to admire in your case.

      Delete
    3. Fuck off. Princess?

      Misanthrope more like!

      Delete
    4. I'm fairly sure the protagonist became a misanthrope - venit, vidit, fugit - but French literature is never easy on the stomach.

      Delete
    5. Précisément.

      Delete
    6. Yay, I'm featured on ALTF's blog too! I am singular, I guess that's good?

      Delete
    7. My blog is visited by countless visitors.

      In fact I had seven visitors last month alone!

      Curiously, all were from Botswana and using Netscape Navigator and viewed only my "Pandemonium" post.

      Go figure?

      Delete
    8. thank you for you blog, sincerely.

      Delete
    9. You got me. I was the one who viewed that page seven times.

      Delete
  28. Hey guys, I have a joke here that I'd like to have peer-reviewed before I launch it in public. The joke is: "holy fecal matter". It is rather simple, but I think it has potential. Thoughts?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's pretty good, but it all comes down to how you build it up first. You don't want to just say "holy fecal matter" to an unprepared audience.

      Delete
  29. Anyone else notice ALTF is never around at night? I'm thinking male escort or cab driver.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The night of which time zone?

      Delete
    2. The witch of nighttime zone?

      Delete
    3. What are you doing here, Jon? Shouldn't you be writing the next chapter of your story?

      Delete
    4. I need more inspiration. Whilst, xkcdsucks has inspired me in the past, there is one thing I want to see in these threads, and that is CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.

      Delete
    5. Hm. You probably hate us anons :'( (I mean fictional assassinations aside)

      BTW, do you know Boris Vian? Not that I expect Americans (assuming you're one) to know him, but some parts of your story reminded me of his works.

      Delete
    6. On the contrary, Anon 5:32. I've seen YOUR character mature very well over the years to become the well-rounded individual that you are today. You've come a long way from the clueless cuddlefish back in November of 2010. I'm proud of you, son. If only the other anons could be like you.

      Delete
    7. I used to not post anonymously, but I'm not that Rochambeau guy =D Nice try though~

      Delete
  30. Oh wow. The XKCD thread on this latest comic is just incredibly full of horrible people. I invite you to see for yourself, if you hate yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You say that as if it's not true of every XKCD thread ever. No wonder Munroe removed the forum link from his homepage - I'd be embarrassed by the little cunts too. In fact, it's probably one of the few sensible decisions he's made over the last five years - good job, Randy!

      Delete
  31. DoucheNozzle December 12, 2012 5:29 PM said,

    ".......Really? That's quite interesting, that the fake Doctor Cunt doesn't know that DNR means Do Not Resuscitate......"

    As a child I suffered from Condensing Hydrologic Encephalopenia (CHEP), accordingly, the cunts keep callin' the Crash Carts on me.

    "......Why don't you also stop pretending you have a uterus......"

    My real name is Derya Sert.

    As a child I suffered from Condensing Hydrologic Encephalopenia (CHEP), accordingly, the cunts keep callin' the Crash Carts

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Besides, I do not recall mentioning I was a physician. Where would you have garnered that idea? Has Rob been telling tales out of school again?
      Sheesh, perform one good regimen of Peri care on the blighter and he can't shut up.

      Delete
  32. Anonymous December 14, 2012 7:39 AM said,

    "......Anyone else notice ALTF is never around at night? I'm thinking male escort or cab driver......"

    Neither. I'm a Night soil Wala

    ReplyDelete
  33. Jon Levi December 13, 2012 5:27 PM said,

    ".....Do they not have internet in the palace, my dear? It's just a shame if that means we can't see you more often......"

    Yes dahling, yes they do.
    And you're right, it is a shame.

    ReplyDelete
  34. >tfw i forgot about this site for a while
    >tfw when i come back and see altf shitposting everywhere

    feels like home

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you jelly bro?

      Delete
    2. newfag cancer detected

      Delete
    3. Better newfag cancer than oldfag Alzheimer's.

      Delete
  35. Anonymous December 15, 2012 2:20 PM said,

    "......>tfw i forgot about this site for a while
    >tfw when i come back and see altf shitposting everywhere

    feels like home......"

    Feels like home?

    Well?
    Spread out some newspapers or something. Or better yet, provide easy access to your back garden. A girl's got to shitepost somewhere you know?

    ReplyDelete
  36. I have nothing to offer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1148: What the fucking fuck was that shit?

      Delete
    2. Randall has happily ignored the 'toil' in churchill's opening line and so has decided the he was just listing bodily fluids. He has added loads of other things to this list instead of continuing with the actual speach. Just imagine if Churchill has actually said these things then you will find it funny.

      Delete
    3. I'm imagining it.

      Still not funny.

      It would be funny if toil was redefined (a la santorum) to become the noun for a particularly vile bodily fluid, thereby making Churchill's speech Hiliarious In Hindsight. (Don't you dare click the link, fuckers) Of course if that were the case, it would be self-evidently funny, and wouldn't require an xkcd comic to point it out. Randall would probably still make one anyway.

      Delete
    4. Toil: Noun; HIV positive menstrual blood.

      Delete
  37. ALTF will be pleased- i seem to remember hes a fan of that dead british facist

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's "(s)he's" a fan.
      Get it right cunt!

      Delete
    2. Well?
      With what will I be pleased?

      And all the British dead are Fascists(notice I didn't correct you on this word)by definition, especially the ones used to close up a breach in a wall or fill the Bibighar well in Cawnpore.

      Delete
    3. Why did you not correct me on the word i actually fucked up? I don't think i have ever got fascist right in my life- which is probably why i'm where i am today.

      oscar wilde faScist?
      attlee faScist?
      jimmy saville faScist?

      Delete
    4. Anonymous December 19, 2012 3:06 AM said,

      ".......Why did you not correct me on the word i(sic) actually fucked up(sic)? I don't think i(sic) have ever got(sic) fascist right in my life- which is probably why i'm(sic) where i(sic) am today......."

      By not correcting you on the obvious error, I was attempting to feign a semblance of humanity commensurate with the season.

      Oscar Wilde a Fascist?
      Ha!

      Query?

      Where are you today?

      Delete
  38. I liked this one. I wouldn't describe it as the greatest achievement of man, but the rhythm was spot on.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Hey everyone, I have this great idea. I hope you're listening.
    Okay.. so, you know that speech that Winston Churchill made to the beleaguered and already war-weary British public as they once again descended into war with Germany? You know, the one which helped them come to terms with the looming cost of yet another war which would kill millions?
    Imagine... imagine guys... imagine if when he said "blood, toil, tears and sweat" he just continued to list bodily fluids! LOL I know right. Fucking hilarious.

    ...What do you mean "toil" isn't a bodily fluid?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. man, just because your toil glands aren't leaking all over the place is no reason to go all ableist on those of us who have to get our toil pumped daily

      Delete
    2. Give me a hundred grand, give me your watch, give me your chain
      That's your girl? Bitch get over here, give me some brain
      I'll bust my toil on her face, and right after the segment
      She'll probably rub it in her pussy, trying to get herself pregnant

      Delete
    3. Oh, I thought he meant tears as in gashes as in pussy. I had imagined Churchill all these years as some kind of gentlemanly pimp. And Germany as like the whore who wanted a bigger cut and got served.

      (Much like Gamer_2k4 back in the day.)

      Delete
    4. Germany got their bigger cut, and they also ended up dominating Europe in the end. If only they had realised earlier there were more civilised ways to do it.

      Delete
    5. Why did you let this anon just copy what i wrote at 10:04 and add in swearwords? I thought this comment thread was better than that.

      Delete
    6. Anonymous December 17, 2012 10:04 AM said,

      ".....Just imagine if Churchill has actually said these things then you will find it funny......"

      Is this supposed to be fucking English? If you insist on soiling the name of Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill, KG, OM, CH, TD, PC, DL, FRS, Hon. RA amidst your illiterate garbage, I shall have to kill you.

      Delete
    7. @Randall at 5:24
      You're right, that's a fantastic idea. Go hop in your nerd-reference-powered time machine and write a comic about it.

      Delete
    8. That's rather snarky of you Jon, and quite frankly, not at all like you.
      Are we having Holiday girl troubles or something?

      Delete
  40. Fuck me!

    Thickety thickety cunt cunt!

    For fuck's sake Rob, what the hell has happened to all the bright folks who used to partake of your opioids?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your vapid chattering has driven them all away. Now we are all that is left.

      Delete
    2. i've been lax
      or prone to taking too many laxatives
      i'm never sure which

      Delete
    3. Perhaps more lexitives would be in order then?

      Delete
    4. After xkcd's ~900th post, it became clear that there was nothing new to respond to.

      After ALTF's ~900th post, it became clear that there was nothing new to respond to.

      >occupatio: Anonymous December 19, 2012 x:xx PM said, "...After ALTF's ~900th post...", something about dangling propositions (ref. Churchill), a few strained synonyms, an incorrigible urge to correct "propositions" which misses the point entirely, a critique of the Oxford comma, and nauseating overuse of sic.

      Delete
  41. Vapid?
    Rapine, possibly; even vexatious, but vapid? I think not.

    Oderint Dum Metuant!

    ReplyDelete
  42. I'm feeling gassy this morning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Surely it must be just another case of craniorectal inversion.

      Delete
    2. Craniorectal Inversion?

      Not bad for an obvious medical neophyte.

      "Endocephalocolonopathy (ECC)"

      Delete
  43. Last night on the PBS News Hour, the folks displayed the photographs of the victims of the most recent "Culling of the Youth" in America.(1)
    I could not help but notice that there was not one visible minority among the "Chosen". Not a single one! Okay. Fine, there was one, sort of, but that person had connections to The Canadas and as we all know, Canadians don't count.
    All I can surmise is that; even the Yankee Mass fucking Murderers are racist cunts.


    (1) It still is the most recent, right? I'm not up on my Current Events these days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aquarians Love To Fuck December 19, 2012 6:20 AM said,

      "Last night on the PBS News Hour ....."

      Unless your tutor was using the remote as a cigar, there is no excuse for this.

      Delete
    2. A literary device.

      The Tutor still refers to it as the McNeil/Lehrer Newshour.

      And I think it was on "Al Jazeera English" anyway. The finest NEWS west of the Nile.

      The Tutor does use the remote as a godemiché though. Does this count?

      Please to explain if I have misunderstood your derision - the levels of my self-esteem depend on my correct interpretation of slights.

      Delete
    3. NewsHour versus News Hour?

      Fuck off!

      Do as I say, not as I do.

      Delete