1145. Meh. C-
1146. Ha ha Randy doesn't know how to interact with other humans! He also doesn't know how to tell a joke. D+
1147. What if Pokemon evolution was just like real evolution? F, that's what.
1148. What if Winston Churchill just listed a bunch of bodily fluids instead of giving a speech? F, that's what.
1149. Here's another one for you, Randy: what if the eagles just flew everyone to Mt. Doom in Lord of the Rings? WHAT A WACKY INSIGHT. F
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
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1145-1149: Lame
ReplyDeleteLame D-
The First Part of the First Act having provided the Lamentable Review, we witness there the Second Part of the First Act, in which Anonymous précises the Lamentable Review.
ReplyDeleteThis brief Interval precedes the First Part of the Second Act, in which the Fat Lady swings down from the Proscenium Arch. The Meatus of the performance then follows, in which the Audience throws Rotten Fruit at the Fat Lady, providing sustenance for her Song until the Dying of the Light.
Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
I don't know what you're talking about. 1148 was full of humor!
ReplyDelete:(
DeleteIt's funny because "humor" is an old way of referring to "bodily fluid."
DeleteWe know, Vid. We know.
DeleteHow could anyone rate 1145 higher than anything ever? Rob, you went full retard. 1146 is also painfully unoriginal and lame.
ReplyDeleteBeen a while since I've done one of these:
ReplyDeleteFrom 1147:
"But evilootion is a commie plot, MRSA doesn't exist, H1N1 is a conspiracy, Spanish Flu was propaganda, they took uur jobs!"
"The game says that your Pokémon is evolving. As others have noted, that's not evolution, that's metamorphosis. This is why Pokémon is not taught in college."
"I've had [fluoxacilin] before too. The doctor prescribed it for my diabetes. I wish I was joking."
From 1148:
"Would anyone like to offer an explanation as to this one."
"This comic forges an uncomfortable cross-over between Winston Churchill and General Ripper from Dr Strangelove..."
"I, for one, intend to end all of my long lists with "... and gin" for the foreseeable future."
"Neither Google nor Internet forums are replacements for, you know, not being a total dumbass."
"The point of the comic was, and is, and applies here as the fundamental idea that being RIGHT over someone is not more fun or more cool than CONNECTING with someone."
From 1149:
"How delightful, to imagine the One Ring spurring on the entire Industrial Revolution due to being properly disposed of."
"At the end, Glenda tells Dorothy that "why you had the power to go home all along". The alternate ending is Dorothy hauls off and punches Glenda in the nose. "You bitch! I could have gone home at any time? I didn't need to get carried around by flying monkeys?" "
"Is it still okay to discuss Oz lore in this thread? Maybe we should ask Randall to create a LOTR comic so we can discuss Dorothy and Toto?"
"I want to "LIKE" so many of these posts. "
No hyperlinks provided, because you don't deserve them.
"The point of the comic was, and is, and applies here as the fundamental idea that being RIGHT over someone is not more fun or more cool than CONNECTING with someone."
Deleteyou made that one up
You're a very very evil person, I can't believe you made be look at the 1148 thread. Now I'm possessed by demonic rage and want to drown every one of those dorks in their own blood.
Deleteit's a shame they removed the forum link from the front page. ithank you Jon for suffering on our behalf.
DeleteTo be fair, Eumesmopo, some of your posts here are quite annoying too.
DeleteStill, they're as a tricycle compared to the penny farthing that is negotiating the xkcd forum.
No, and here's the link to prove it.
DeleteAlso, while I was browsing 1144, I found this gem:
"Wait WHAT? How can a human, with a working brain, consider HTML to be too hard?? I’m sorry, if some Ethiopian kids, who never ever saw a computer in their life, and can neither read nor write, can in a matter of 1-2 weeks, not only unpack some Android tablets, but go online, watch YouTube videos, chat, play games and install lots of apps, but also mod the damn operating system… then you can learn HTML. A small, mentally disabled child could learn HTML. In a day."
If you're feeling masochistic, read the full post here.
Also, this:
"I have links saved for all of XKCD's cancer comics and I go back to them periodically and smile and cry."
Anywhere else, I'd think that first post was a troll.
DeleteIn future I want to measure hatred in units of xkcd forum posts.
shut up rob
ReplyDeleteyeah
Deleteokay
Deletei think you mean "ok"
Deleteok
Deleteok
DeleteGlad to see you Robs have come to an agreement.
Deletethis thread was robbish
DeleteBadman and Robbish.
DeleteI will only bear 49% of the shame for that pun, 8:43.
have i mentioned how cowbirds in love already did the evolution joke
ReplyDeletehave i
ps cowbirds in love is awesome
signed sanjay D'OH
http://cowbirdsinlove.com/272 sums up every xkcd comic ever
DeleteAnon 7:15 made me realise that Rob has already made a post with the same title on this blog.
ReplyDeletePlus in the book, Dorothy is explicitly told to kill the Wicked Witch of the West. Randall once again proves that he doesn't know how to read anything that isn't a book of raw data.
ReplyDeleteThe Wizard of Oz is a fantasy novel but it's one that nerds don't care about so knowing about it would probably hurt his nerd cred, if anything.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteToday's comic breaks the new record for Worst Line of Dialogue in a XKCD Comic:
ReplyDelete"He has nice shelves."
Argh, I can't believe I spent the last ten minutes flipping through random xkcds to find one worse. "Hey, what's that airplane?" springs to mind. But I think this is worse: "Those of you who know your periodic table should be laughing right about now."
DeleteIt's from an early xkcd. Does that give it a pass?
If one assumes the creator is not referring to the Periodic Table of Elements but to the Periodic Table of Menses instead, is it not clever now Mr. Levi?
DeleteThe Periodic Table always sounded to me like furniture for a Talmudic ritual.
DeleteHm.. [i]Dmitri Mendeleev... 'til deemed vermin[/i]. Yeah, I'll go for cryptozionist. Jerusalem of Gold, my ruddy sphincter!
Dearest Anonymous December 21, 2012 1:18 PM,
DeleteThat was ruddy awful.
Dearest Fernie Cantilever,
ReplyDeleteThe line, "He has nice shelves.", is actually quite witty - clever even.
At least I think so.
Anonymous December 19, 2012 8:17 PM said,
ReplyDelete"......The First Part of the First Act having provided the Lamentable Review, we witness there the Second Part of the First Act, in which Anonymous précises the Lamentable Review.
This brief Interval precedes the First Part of the Second Act, in which the Fat Lady swings down from the Proscenium Arch. The Meatus of the performance then follows, in which the Audience throws Rotten Fruit at the Fat Lady, providing sustenance for her Song until the Dying of the Light......."
If it is at all possible to be even more boring than I am, you sir/madam, are the one most capable of being so.
Bravo/Brava!
Anonymous December 20, 2012 8:08 PM said,
ReplyDelete".....Plus in the book, Dorothy is explicitly told to kill the Wicked Witch of the West. Randall once again proves that he doesn't know how to read anything that isn't a book of raw data......"
Explicitly told or told explicitly?
What does this tell us about your ability to read anything that isn't designed explicitly for readers at a sixth-grade level of accomplishment?
explicitly tolled
Deleteimplicitly trolled
DeleteThe ability to read isn't the ability to write, anyway.
DeleteExtispicially trawled.
ReplyDeleteI am uncertain about the adverbial form of 'extispicy'. I fear I may have tread into neologistic territory.
Eh, you mean of "extispicious" formed of "extispex", being "extispiciously".
DeleteI guess.
DeleteI'm not rightly sure.
Let me examine a sampling of Caucasoid entrails here and get back to you on that.
Rob, have you considered a twitter account for this?
ReplyDeletemaybe i should
Deletethen i can just collect the twats here when the comment thread needs renewing
Twitter would eliminate me(1).
DeleteWell worth it Rob.
(1) I've been banned.
You should just use the blog here for the collection of stupid comments, leave the reviews to the twitterverse.
Delete1148 is basically an excuse for Munroe to use the word semen.
ReplyDelete1150 though WOW just LOOK at the biting topical satire! the allegory is so perfect! i had never realised it but he is right! using a social network IS exactly the same as entrusting your possessions to a friend. there's no difference at all. how insightful and clever munroe is for seeing things no one else does. good job huge facebook owned businesses have him to stand up for them and tell the users just how credulous and greedy they are. how dare they expect something for nothing. of course if you put stuff on the internet then fucking facebook has the right to sell it. how else will they pay for all that server space you're so selfishly using. and more fool you if you use another image hosting service instead cos they're all exactly the same. there aren't any like flickr that let you explicitly set the copyright on your pictures are there.
munroe is such a fucking bellend. he probably thinks this lightning fast response to last week's news as opposed to 2008's news makes this shit acceptable. he probably also hoped that his legions of moronic adorers would be wanting a mayan calendar comic and is chuckling with glee at being so unpredictable. I HATE HIM
Wow, that 1150 analogy was so strained I didn't even pick up on it. The older I get, the less I think like a "nerd". (I'd have got it if I had noticed the "Instagram" title, but my brain filters out the titles entirely now.)
DeleteI don't even understand what he's trying to say. Chad is knowingly doing a favour ("he lets me in to see it whenever I want") to standing-guy and then suddenly declares his intention to commit theft by conversion. Seated-guy responds that because Chad isn't charging, he is somehow entitled to do this. Since stupid analogies are de rigueur, this is like inviting a woman for dinner and acting surprised when you declare at the end of the meal that you're going to rape her in lieu of payment.
The only interesting thing is that the smartarse who deflates the guy considered reasonable to neurotypicals isn't a woman. Either Randall is bi-curious or he is revealing his true me-so-gynistic nature.
*surprised at the reaction
DeleteFuck it i am so tired i am not sure any of that made any sense. Perhaps I can make it into a comic?
Folks who upload pictures to Instagram deserve to get their shit stolen.
Deleteweaselsoup December 21, 2012 12:50 PM said,
Delete"....munroe is such a fucking bellend......"
"Bellend"?
Ha!
I've not heard that one for a long time. Say "Flappy Gee" next.
eumesmopo=randall munroe
DeleteI always thought that, weaselsoup. We think so alike, right? You are very interesting and I would like to get to know you more. Is there a Mr. weaselsoup? You're the most fascinating person I've ever met. Do you like Ovid? I bet this isn't the first time you've heard this. Where do you see yourself in 5, 10 and 15 minutes from now? I don't often say this but. &c.
Delete[dénouement]
Meet you Christmas Eve around 1900 by Tottenham Ct. Road tube station? I'll wear those shoes and you wear that dress.
Will there be any ice cream involved?
DeleteFrom a 5 pound bet in William Hills,
To a Soho sex-shop dream,
From a fried egg in Valtaro's,
To a Tottenham Court Road ice cream,
Or will the [dénouement] render the triste overfulfilled?
DeleteDamn... Do you really disdain me that much?
Delete[Don't answer]
probably
Deleteeumesmopo, just that your comment was expressing the same sentiment as xkcd 1150. you want to watch that, is all
Deleteanon 4:08: did you? maybe we do, it's difficult to say. thank you kindly. no there is not, sadly. thank you again (for this value of 'met'). I love Ovid. it might be. working, working and working. TCR tube is one of the nastiest places in this nasty city. good choice. isnt that from that song from that tv show?
altf: i never liked the pogues that much
Nope, it isn't. I think the analogy in 1150 is dumb because someone who lets you store your things on their garage is doing you a favor and it's not profiting from it, whereas Instagram is clogging it's asshole up with money from the profit it turn from the traffic generated by it's users, thus the users are the ones doing Instagram a favor. Still, I hate both Instagram and it's users and am happy to see they fucking each other over.
Delete"It's" means "it is" you dumb shit.
DeleteOr "it has".
DeleteIt's been statistically proven that people who have excessive and unnecessary concern about the proper use of grammar have a very high tendency to suffer from Electra Complex and Penis Envy.
DeleteIt has been statistically proven that you pulled those statistics out of your ass.
DeleteAnd they say I'm the captain obvious...
DeleteFucking libertarians.
DeleteIt's irrelevant whether the garage guy appeared to be initially doing you a favour - he's still being n autistic dick with his bait-and-switch.
What matters in life is not Ayn Rand but something even simpler (remarkable as it is that such a thing is possible): not being a cunt.
Where I come from only left-wing anarchists get to be called libertarians.
Deleteyou must be from a paradise land
Delete>left-wing anarchist
Deleteok
Actually that's the norm pretty much everywhere in the non-english-speaking western world.
Deleteyeah I think I was dimly aware of that, I just really hate how the Randroid lunatics have hijacked the word 'libertarian' so that it is synonymous with 'world's biggest douchebag'
Delete*brofist*
DeleteSo which word is being mistranslated into "libertarian"?
Deleterob confirmed for buttmad libertarian
Deleteit's not a matter of mistranslation, it's a matter of the people associated with the libertarian party in the US being a bunch of reactionary sociopaths.
DeleteNeoliberal, Laissez-fairist, Randian, Classical Liberal, Anarcocapitalist, Stirnerian, Teabagger, Chicago Boy, Plutarchist, etc... Much like the devil, it comes by many names.
Deleteeumesmopo that's what I meant, munroe's analogy is fucking stupid, but he's ineptly trying to say that if you put shit on instagram you deserve to get screwed over. i agree with you on the vapidity of instagram & its users too
DeletePlease to use the term "laissez-fairy" in future. Nothing would instil greater horror in these misogynists than the possibility that the Invisible Hand is the hand of a woman.
Delete@2:50 you are my new hero
DeleteI see that the GMT -283 cunts were wrong, as I know they are. Now we'll see that the GMT -285 cunts are wrong also!
ReplyDeleteRecent scholarship places the Correlation Constant at 584286, and therefore 'The End Of Days' will be December 24, 2012. Those Mayanistas are incorrect too!
If one incorporates the differential between the Tropical Year - 365.24219... - and the Gregorian Year - 365.242 - a further 8 hours must be intercalated. Accordingly, the Baktun will 'Turn' December 25, 2012, inferring a CC of 584287.
Maybe implying too!
DeleteAnd fuck off about the "Gregorian Year - 365.242 - "
DeleteWe all know it is 365.2425!
Typographical error!
Okay?
Cunts!
The world began without man, and it will end without him. This 2012 thing is merely the beginnig of a new era.
DeleteI expect whatever you said to be nearly as exciting as the other 13 times the baktun incremented.
DeleteEumesmopo December 23, 2012 10:49 AM said,
Delete"....The world began without man, and it will end without him....."
And when he's gone, the Sapphic Celebrants will, ermmmm....ahhhhhhh....... celebrate?
God created man to distract the bather at Eressos from and with war.
DeleteAnonymous December 23, 2012 12:13 PM said,
Delete".....I expect whatever you said to be nearly as exciting as the other 13 times the baktun incremented......"
You are too hopeful my friend.
Anonymous December 23, 2012 12:18 PM said,
Delete"....God created man to distract the bather at Eressos from and with war......"
Please to re-write that - I am unsure of which of my witty ripostes is apropos.
eheu! non possum cur nunc alpha sum et O!
DeleteAnonymous December 23, 2012 12:29 PM said,
Delete"....eheu! non possum cur nunc alpha sum et O!...."
Your Latin is as bad as that of J. K. Rowling.
Expelliarmus!
It's perfectly parsable. Perhaps the Honorary Acolyte of the Society of Dilettanti is assuming English word order or meaningful punctuation?
DeleteYou are correct concerning my accolades - though it is not Honourary, but meritorious - but I am not assuming English syntax.
DeleteNow fix it or this prehensile 'misella landica' will kick your arse!
"Woe is me! Why am I now incapable(*)? I am the Alpha and the Omega!"
Delete(*) Impotent?
I was hoping she was going to be really on the ball and suggest, per Julius Caesar's proposal, present participle ens/entis for esse in the style of potens/-ntis. Then we could translate "et" per "timeo danaos...", following through like a Type 7 stool to her Reagan encyclical below.
DeleteThe comments section for 1144 has basically turned into a dick measuring contest between XHTML fanboys and non strict HTML fanboys. There can only be one winner!
ReplyDeleteThe psychiatrists and the pharmaceutical firms?
DeleteHm, that's two winners.
There can only be two winners!
Are you envious 'cause your protuberance just doesn't measure up? To either?
DeleteApologies for the terminal preposition, though it is really not acting as a preposition in this case - it is an article as part of a verbal phrase. Anyway, I had to render my missive in that way - for gravitas - you understand.
"I do hope someone corrects 'article' to 'particle' and 'verbal phrase' to 'phrasal verb'!" muses ALTF, symbolically burying herself in and in herself statuettes of all the Μοῦσαι.
DeleteLinguistics exists in a parallel world, out of reach for even the most skilled Wikipedia pillagers.
DeleteThat Reagan guy said the most terrifying words in the English Language are:
ReplyDelete"I'm from the Government and I'm here to help."
This is not true. The most frightening words in the English language are:
"We're here from the US Government and we're here to bring you democracy."
If the Yankee would stop 'bringing' democracy to the rest of the world, the rest of the world would be quite liveable.
Fun even!
but freedom
DeleteLehrer said it more engagingly.
DeleteI have an ex-Marine friend who last week had to go for stitches because he was flicking his knife thing open and closed repeatedly while playing some game on his 'phone and managed to slice his finger. He lied that he had cut it while slicing chili peppers. Truly an American hero.
The other day I was exploring my ass, and stumbled upon some Freedom and Democracy. I mean, right here in my own ass! I am so thankful to the imperialists.
Delete"The other day I was exploring my ass" - Anonymous
Delete""The other day I was exploring my ass" - Anonymous" - Anonymous
Delete"""The other day I was exploring my ass" - Anonymous" - Anonymous" - Jon Levi
Delete"INFINITE SELF REFERENTIAL QUOTES! LOL!!!" - Predictable Combo-Breaking Anonymous
Delete"ugh" - everyone else
Delete"wit" - author
Delete"Please, sir, I want some more" - your mother.
DeleteMERRY CHRIST'S MASS, HEATHENS.
Jeez Rob, these fuckers are mindless morons.
Delete"You did it wrong, ALTF. Try again" - Anonymous.
Delete"Jeez Rob, these fuckers are mindless morons." - Aquarians Love To Fuck
Deletealso, ahahahamericans ... http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ugh#Pronunciation
ReplyDeleteAnonymous December 23, 2012 2:12 PM said,
ReplyDelete"......"I do hope someone corrects 'article' to 'particle' and 'verbal phrase' to 'phrasal verb'!" muses ALTF, symbolically burying herself in and in herself statuettes of all the Μοῦσαι......"
I wasn't musing.
Rob December 23, 2012 2:10 PM said,
ReplyDelete".....but freedom....."
Freedom's just another word for 'nothin' else to lose'.
It's "nothing LEFT to lose", you tainted hippie poseur!
ReplyDeleteI know, you tainted non-reader-of-sublime-wit poseur.
DeleteYou do not appear to be thick. Perhaps you are just not trying hard enough.
Backpedal much? Old ploy. When caught looking stupid, attempt to make it look intentional.
DeleteAnonymous December 23, 2012 5:05 PM pillaged Wikipedia,
ReplyDelete"......Linguistics exists in a parallel world, out of reach for even the most skilled Wikipedia pillagers......."
It is in Series, not Parallel, moron.
My mistake. However, I would like to point out that I am a cunt, not a moron.
DeleteApologies.
DeleteI understand how this sort of misattribution can be irksome.
I read that as masturbation. I refuse to correct my first interpretation.
DeleteI think 1151 is the point where Randall finally hits absolute rock bottom. I always found XKCD to be mildly amusing even in its most recent iterations. These, although loaded with all the horrible figments of Randall's psyche, usually put on display the same naivety and desire to please without really knowing how. In particular, I always felt that whenever Randall made a desperate attempt at humor, the joke or punchline was something he --in his deranged mind-- had actually found funny at some point, cackling at himself while spraying his hands with too much hand sanitizer for example.
ReplyDeleteToday is different, though. The new comic celebrates christmas with a pot-pourri of appalling tropes and failed jokes. This is not a first, obviously, but today's Randy-ism density is quite special -- now count: Megan, Megan out-pranking Randall, the joke is only in the last panel, oh and by the way, none of the other panels give it any additional context, dumb onomatopoeia (x2), "oh, you!", shamefully long alt-text, "look-at-me-I-know-some-science" alt-text, Randall talking when browsing the internet and finally, copy-paste laziness in the first three panels. Lazy title, too. And that's the huge problem, I think. It's incredibly lazy, even for a XKCD strip. It's formulaic, easy and unfunny. Do you think that Randall smiled when he finally found what he would draw in 1151? Do you think he cackled while washing his hands this time?
I don't think he did, and that's the point where I don't even see the naivety anymore.
Fuck me!
DeleteYou are one boring, holiday-making cunt!
Fuck off out of here will ya?
I have never been very good at english-language irony or posting two times in a row using the same handle.
Deletefaelnor December 24, 2012 9:12 AM said,
Delete".....I have never been very good at english-language irony or posting two times in a row using the same handle......"
And for this, I have the utmost respect for you.
Is this ALTF's swan song?
ReplyDeleteThe words are there, my dear, but the music is wanting.
Anonymous December 23, 2012 3:32 PM voiced,
ReplyDelete"......I was hoping she was going to be really on the ball and suggest, per Julius Caesar's proposal, present participle ens/entis for esse in the style of potens/-ntis. Then we could translate "et" per "timeo danaos...", following through like a Type 7 stool to her Reagan encyclical below......"
Your hope has been misplaced.
Besides, Julius Caesar was a King to every Queen and a Queen to every King.
Venit Vidi Vici
And fuck off revealing my poor high school Latin acumen to the morons here'bouts!. I rely on pretending superiority ya ignorant non-holiday-making Grinch!
Madiba is ill.
ReplyDeleteHis death will have more of an effect on the world than the deaths of Lady Diana and Mother Teresa combined.
Despite him once bein' a terrorist and all.
I trust even you folks will shed a tear.
I won't! I hate the cunt! He inspired the Springboks to beat my beloved All Blacks in the Rugby World Cup in '96.
Invictus my arse!
I think he was a bigot. What has ever done in the favour of the master race?
DeleteWell, since today "we" celebrate reverse apotheosis, I might as well join the trenches...
DeleteAquarians Love To Fuck December 24, 2012 12:42 PM said,
"...Despite him once bein' a terrorist and all..."
Your applications of the apostrophe and "and all" are excusable, but your improper declension of the pronoun preceding the gerund is unforgivable.
Also I don't mean to set feminism back half a century or anything but I have retired to the drawing room while my lady and my mother have teamed up to prepare Chrimbo din-dins.
Teresa and Diana = Worthless bitches
DeleteThat's quite edgy, Eumesmopo. I mean, poo-poohing their contributions is commonplace, so to call them "worthless" might have some objectively sound interpretation in the scheme of things - but "bitches"? You surely need a licence to be that edgy.
Delete3:03 = Pedant bitch
DeleteWe get it: no-one invites the upper classes to the decent Christmas celebrations in third world countries, so you're pissy.
DeleteMerry Christmas, ALTF.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm...you have some insight, but making a blog about how "xkcd sucks" is like if Roger Ebert had a show called "Steven Spielberg sucks," or if there was a book review called "Chuck Palahniuk sucks" or a music blog called "Coldplay sucks"
ReplyDeleteThere's useful criticism, and there's whiny, snide pot-shot criticism. It has nothing to do with how accurate or honest the criticism is.
You could find a niche for web-comic/paper comic criticism, but devoting a blog to berating Randall's creations is really pathetic.
> comparing Randall Munroe to Steven Spielberg
DeleteYou just went full retard.
You could just as well have resumed your post to:
Delete"Pixei e sai correndo, pau no cu de quem tá lendo."
Unfortunately Portuguese is not one of the languages that makes a man (or ALTF) appear erudite, so you'll have to try again, even if I do know what you mean because Portuguese is like a retard's Spanish.
Deletei'm mostly confused by the claim that i have insight
DeleteOP grossly misspelled "intercourse".
Deleteand i'm equally confused by the claim that you have intercourse because you always say no to me
Observation of subject "12:39" has revealled a set of conditioned behaviors that lead to automatic erudite-dick-measuring engagement as a reaction to any stimulae presented in a romanic language. This requires futher analysis.
DeleteObservation of subject "Eumesmopo" has led to an embarrassed look in the other direction.
DeleteBravo on the ALTF-tier "stimulae", though. Very romanic.
Observation of subject "4:21" has led to lulz.
DeleteMerry Christmas, ALTF!
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas, ALTF!
ReplyDeleteShut up, ALTF!
ReplyDeleteTo know of ALTF is to hate it.
DeleteTo state otherwise is to lie.
To believe otherwise is to deceive only oneself.
I had a dream where Rob was sleeping in my room.
ReplyDeletewas it ok
DeleteNot much happened. He was top, I was bottom. I mean, in terms of bed. A bunk bed. He was actually sleeping with two other people up there. And yes I know it's not consistent with reality, what with his weight and all. Amusingly enough, food was involved.
Deletewas i one of the other two people?
DeleteHard to say.
DeleteOn one hand: at least one of them was female, and she wasn't an anon. Her identity wasn't explicitly disclosed but I seemed to "know" her, and I definitely haven't made her up. Her personality seemed to be somewhat consistent with how I view you (from the little I've seen from you). The only females I've seen post here on a more or less regular basis and that are somewhat "important" are you and ALTF, and it definitely wasn't her.
On the other hand: this dream seems to have been at least partly inspired by Jon Levi's story, and you're not in it (not that I remember). So even though I don't know her, it could have been Aloria. Another suspect is Ann Apolis. Also, she very well could be a mix of several people, little bits of personas.
Conclusion: it might not be unreasonable to entertain the idea that at least bits of you have slept with Rob.
Frankly, I'm a little scared by how many losers were talking about me here Christmas day.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas, ALTF!
DeleteAnd for the record, I'm not christian. Nor am I a consumerist. Accordingly, christmas holds no meaning for me.
And for the record, I'm not christian. Nor am I a consumerist. Accordingly, christmas holds no meaning for me. Other than the fact I can't go out and fucking buy 100 feet of four-foot chain-link fence at the local Home Depot that day! Fucking Communists!
ReplyDeleteChinatown and Little Mecca were well and truly open though!
Yeah!
What's a dainty Chinese lass doing with 100 feet of fence?
ReplyDeleteSuspect.
She's not Chinese, she's Vietcong.
DeleteALTF is Jane Fonda?
ReplyDeleteNo. She's your mom!!
DeleteMILF!
ReplyDeleteMyanmarian I'd Like to Fuck?
DeleteI see some of the Nation's near-lettered peri-pubescents received Internet Access Devices under the tree for christmas - and - knowledge of this Website address in their respective stockings.
ReplyDeleteRob?
I beseech you in the bowels of christ to consider the ever so remote possibility that your decision to allow access by 'anonymous' commenters to this facility was, and continues to be, counter-productive.
What is the difference between allowing anonymous commenters and allowing people who can create new pseudonymous accounts/name at will?
DeleteI suppose Rob could limit posting to himself and you. Or just you. But what use is an animal in a cage if there is no-one to prod it?
There are many words in your comment, ALTF. I can tell.
DeleteWords are a common substitute for creativity.
DeleteAnonymous December 26, 2012 11:15 AM said,
Delete".....But what use is an animal in a cage if there is no-one to prod it?......"
No one with literacy skills puts an hyphen between the words 'no' and 'one'.
Better to live a life of unmolested sequestration if this aforementioned 'prodding' is of the calibre I have seen of late.
There is a direct correlation between the quality of my dancing and the character of the stick-induced incentives to do so.
Anonymous December 26, 2012 11:15 AM also said,
Delete"......I suppose Rob could limit posting to himself and you. Or just you......"
Rob has a keen mind so your former suggestion would be amenable to me. As for your latter proposition, some of my best routines involve conversations with myself - for I am the brightest person I know.
> No one with literacy skills puts an hyphen between the words 'no' and 'one'
DeleteBut one with literary skills will be familiar with appearances of the hyphenated form since mid-C19.
No thinker would precede a non-silent "h" with "an". No etymological adept would even consider doing so for a non-French import.
As you say yourself:
> And fuck off revealing my poor high school Latin acumen to the morons here'bouts!
It's quickly obvious that you can provide no challenge. But it's entertaining to watch you try. Now dance!
> I am the brightest person I know.
DeleteAnyone brighter would indeed know better.
"It's quickly obvious that you can provide no challenge"
ReplyDeleteNot quick enough my friend.
Not challenge enough either.
Observe:
Hurricane Cunt ALT-F, fucks upon the hill,
Hurricane Cunt ALT-F, sounding very shrill.
Is she worthy? I don't think so.
Is she thinking? Yes, very slow.
Whatcha doing, Cunt ALT-F, you cunt?
Hurricane Cunt ALT-F, rims a dappled mare,
Hurricane Cunt ALT-F, semen in her hair.
Is she oozing? Yes, I think so.
Is she horrid? Yes, ever so.
Whatcha doing, Cunt ALT-F, you cunt?
Hurricane Cunt ALT-F-Ef
Hurricane Cunt ALT-F-Ef
Hurricane Cunt ALT-F
Boop Boop.
Must be the season of the bitch Sterculian.
DeleteI thought I might also add to the conversation, but I may as well try and catch the wind for all the good it would do.
DeleteThe Boop Boop made it kismet.
DeleteMares are female horses, SR - you moron.
And don't be as anally pedantic in your no doubt witty riposte as that Latin/English scholar who seems to stalk me all over the Internet. I wish the Limey cunt would get a real-life Narcissist to Enable - sheesh!
ALT-F @ 12:40 PM said,
Delete"Mares are female horses, SR - you moron."
Female horses over the age of three actually - unless they are thoroughbreds - then it's four.
And here I thought the restorative act of rimming was, anatomically speaking, gender neutral?
But I defer to you in matters concerning all things equine.
I's such a silly non-female filly, I is.
"Is she thinking? Yes, very slow."
DeleteIndeed!
Your next line involves semen, does it not SR?
DeleteSorry for thinking you had a sense of the original poetic flow, Tennyson.
Semen, like our love, comes in spurts. It doesn't flow - nor should my poetry.
DeleteSomeone had blunder'd:
Yours not to make reply,
Yours not to reason why,
Yours but to rim and die:
Unto the sphincter of Death
Flowed the dull ALT-F.
Okay!
DeleteOkay!
I get it now. The original lyric contains a connection between those two lines. It is important for me to keep that connection.
I'll change the lyric to:
"Hurricane Cunt ALT-F, rims a dappled hare,"
Better now?
Yes. I love bunnies!
DeleteOh, ALTF brought the big guns in. This looks fun...
ReplyDeleteIs this Aquarians?
Is she my fantasy?
Caught in her handcuffs
No escape from perversity
Open your eyes
Look up at the cunt and see
She's just a rich girl, she needs no sympathy
Because she's quick to post, rather slow
Rarely high, often low
Anyway the words blow, doesn't really matter to me (to me)
ALTF just killed a man
Held a book against his head
Struck it hard and now he's dead
ALTF's life had just begun
But now she's gone and thrown it all away
ALTF, oo-oo-oo-ooo
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, because spelling really matters
Too late, my time has come
Her tutor's now online
And his writing's rather fine
Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
ALTF, oo-oo-oo-ooo (anyway the words blow)
I don't want to post
I sometimes wish I'd never been here at all
I see a little silhouetto of a girl
Like to fuck? Like to fuck? It's the forbidden tango
Riding-coat and helmet, jewel-studded godemiché!
Obscure reference, obscure reference,
Obscure reference, obscure reference,
Obscure reference - erudite. One cornetto-o-o-o-ooo!
But I'm just a rich boy and most people love me
(He's just a rich boy from a rich family)
Bored with a kook on this bank holiday
Quick to post, rather slow - will I let her go?
Insha'Allah, no! I will not let her go (let her go)
Insha'Allah, I will not let her go (let her go)
Insha'Allah, I will not let her go (let me go)
Will not let her go (let me go) never
Never let her go (let me go)
Never let me go (ooo)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
United Nations, Minnesota, laissez-passer! let me go!
The Queen of Hearts has a chamber with a bed for me
For me
For meeeeee!
Freddie was a gayer ya know.
DeleteThat, my friend, was very good.
DeleteI dare say better than yours truly would have done.
Why are you here then?
".......I see a little silhouetto of a girl
DeleteLike to fuck? Like to fuck? It's the forbidden tango
Riding-coat and helmet, jewel-studded godemiché!
Obscure reference, obscure reference,
Obscure reference, obscure reference,
Obscure reference - erudite. One cornetto-o-o-o-ooo!......"
And this is pure genius!
Jaysus, That's good friend!
DeleteHave I gone too far in my praise?
DeleteI'm not sure. The English have never been very good at correctly identifying a compliment, let alone accepting one.
DeleteI was once here merely because xkcd sucks; I am here right now because the lady is coating her culturally relevant cake with marzipan and she never needs both my hands throughout the procedure.
What a pain in the arse all that was. The Tutor and I had to constantly switch back and forth between our accounts on one computer to better re-enact a classic conversation I had with a very witty gentleman on another, alas now defunct, blog.
ReplyDeleteXKCDsucks could aspire to similar quality!
I know it in my heart.
You've already pasted it here before. It's like watching students giggle along to a Monty Python recital.
DeleteReally?
DeleteBad memory.
Sorry.
So I'm like TV now then?
Wow.
ReplyDeleteJust wow.
ALT-F is finally out of material.
To be fair, she never really had any to begin with.
DeleteShe did, but it was a special type that only the wise could see.
Deletemikespants
ReplyDeleteAnonymous December 26, 2012 1:25 PM said,
ReplyDelete".....the lady is coating her culturally relevant cake with marzipan....."
With what does she coat her culturally irrelevant cakes? Little figurines of jesus and a pastry-piped tapenade of gold, frankincense and myrrh?
".....I was once here merely because xkcd sucks;......"
You, of all people, know this not to be the case.
Sayonara, Cunt! December 26, 2012 1:24 PM said,
ReplyDelete".......Wow.
Just wow.
ALT-F is finally out of material........"
Then........
Anonymous December 26, 2012 10:48 PM said,
"......To be fair, she never really had any to begin with......"
And then.......
Anonymous December 27, 2012 5:31 AM said,
"......She did, but it was a special type that only the wise could see......."
Funny enough, you're all right! Especially the last quote. The 'Sayonara' bit is a tad premature though. I'm here until December 31, 2012. The 'Cunt' bit is, of course, forever correct.
]hey.ALtf_!:)how.Ru.2-d_!,,_!iM'.sooo.gLad;2.Sea.u,,,t*hx.frO.evrithin"gg_:)iy3/
Deletewhy are you till december 31, 2012 altf?
ReplyDelete