Saturday, December 10, 2011

Comics 986-987: Songs From Fiddler On The Roof

[Hated Raven "Ravenzomg" sent this review, which, okay. -Ed.]

Hello, this is Ravenzomg of Ravenzomg fame here to give a very special double review because we're all tired of hitting the "next page" button!


Title: Tradition. Tooltip: An 'American tradition' is anything that happened to a Baby Boomer twice.


Title: Potential. Tooltip: Who even cares, that's why I won't fix the html reference.

Rather than talk about how generally uninteresting these comics are, I'm just going to quote comments on a forum post advertising xkcd.

"fuck xkcd

i've no problem with people liking it, but randall munroe is a lazy, complacent asshole. and that is my opinion about things.

first 200 strips are good, though"

"XKCD is pretty hit-or-miss with me. I really like the strips where he kind of pokes fun at his own interests, but in some of the others I just feel like he's trying to show off things he knows or believes in. Too much reliance on the "smart/right" character revealing something to the more "common" person, who's then like "huh, guess I was dumb". "

"Well it can't be helped that the kid has only been alive for 12 years or so, and hasn't even had a regular education! I mean, he was practically raised by hippies. It's not his fault for his lack of knowledge!"

"the only thing xkcd is good for is getting you to google shit you don't care about"

"I used to utterly loathe the comic with a burning passion; it was so offensively mediocre that I could spend hours extolling the sins of individual strips and the comic as a whole; I could froth endlessly about exactly WHY putting a heart under a radical was such trite garbage and why any individual should feel bad about appreciating it; I would eagerly await new comics simply so that I could be angry at them and wax vitriolic. Now though, I simply can't muster the energy or the desire. It's been bad in exactly the same way for so long that there's no point in it anymore. All the punchlines are the same. All the strips are the same. There are three or four premises that Munroe has, and he's realized that people will eat them up forever and there's no reason for him to ever try new things. So he doesn't! I would have a difficult time deciding if "complacency" or "mediocrity" would be the one word I'd use to sum up the entire comic, but either one would fit."

And my personal favourite:
"Also, just because one can draw a comic in 5 minutes doesn't mean that should be the update rate. Otherwise all we'd get is random thoughts and forced jokes."

I really. really. really. love this.

And on that note, I wish you all a very merry christmas. Oh wait, something's different--

It's this:


As we all know, Randall Munroe makes his income without the use of ads, and so relies entirely on Merchandizing income. And as usual, he's relying on nostalgia [hey remember that bobcat comic guys? remember how you loved it 3 years ago?] to sell stuff.

I won't comment any more on this fact. That's why you guys are here <3 -Ravenzomg <3 <3 <3


[The hated raven also wanted me to point out that the poster went down in price from $150 to like $95. Raven says this is only $35 more than it should be; in my estimation it is actually $200 more than it should be. -Ed.]

220 comments:

  1. This blog has gone to shit, look who you let post here.

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  2. Goomhr(avenzomg) I had an easy elementary school through high school experience and now I am academically lazy and it makes me sad :(

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  3. Rob, you were right. I did expect a link. I get enough of that crap from webcomics.me but still, well played

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  4. Damn, even Rob's mini-reviews are more insightful than that. Who cares what some random-ass forum thinks about xkcd.

    Re: xkcd store - I actually laughed when the banner was just lots of faces of Jimbo Wales. Still doesn't cancel out the fact that Randy is probably running out of money, so he has to pimp his store extra hard.

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  5. hmmmm, odd, it's as though you have attempted to avoid commenting on randy's potential commic.


    whats wrong, did it make you smirk?

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  6. of all the possible reasons for being too lazy to actually write a review, "secretly liking the comic" is a pretty weak one. much more plausible is "lazy beyond all mortal reckoning," which is nearly always the reason something is half-assed on here.

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  7. Rob, the sophistication of your sockpuppets kinda undermines the whole "too lazy" argument.

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  8. you're right rob, because the amount of confirmation bias alone on this blog ensures that nobody who is a regular here will ever like a commic put out on xkcd.

    you have to admit though, through all of the crap he posts, every once in a while one goes up that is not actually that bad, and refusing to admit that, it's just sad.

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  9. i didn't know people still thought i had sockpuppets, but ok

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  10. Anonymous, you have to admit though, through all the crap you post, every once in a while one goes up that looks like a perfectly formed straw man, and refusing to admit that, it's just sad.

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  11. The guy down the hall who looks over your shoulder is fairly sure, Rob.

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  12. please review your list of fallacies, and then come back to me with the proper one. thank you.

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  13. 2:14, obvious troll: Rob's corpulence fills the entirety of his hall and several other nearby buildings too

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  14. >refusing to admit that, it's just sad.
    >strawman

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  15. a strawman is based on misrepresenting an opponents argument to be able to attack it. now please point out where that occured? oh right, it didn't, because i never once misrepresented anything that was said too me.

    honestly, do they teach you kids anything in school anymore?

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  16. "The guy down the hall who looks over your shoulder is fairly sure, Rob."

    actually, one of my many neuroses is that i will never sit somewhere to read, write, or use a computer where reading over my shoulder is possible. usually I try to avoid the possibility of anyone ever being behind me when I sit down but this is not always practical (eg at restaurants) so I just choose the seat where I can see most of the things that are happening.

    the more you know!

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  17. and if anything, begging the question fits the fallacy far more often, as i used a preposition as an argument.

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  18. ghaa, far better* it's late.

    also ro, i do very much the same thing, corner booths are amazing.

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  19. 2:23, 2:24, 2:26 (do you often lose your cool when you're sinking so hard?), you misrepresented your opponent's argument by asserting that it "refused to admit" that sometimes xkcd is "not actually that bad". HTH.

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  20. Rob, almost everyone but the most pompous does that "hiding my screen" thing.

    And no-one does it very well.

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  21. i don't hide my screen, I keep my back to the wall, because the idea of people approaching me from behind anxiety-inducing. i have written every post on here since, eh, september of last year or so sitting in a corner where there is no actual physical space to stand behind me.

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  22. even to the third party reading your posts, rob, "I've written everything I've posted from the corner making sure I never get up and with my screen perfectly positioned so no-one else can see it" sounds implausible. we have to assume:
    (1) corners are always available where you are;
    (2) you are always able to fit in one;
    (3) despite the extent of neurosis you're still sufficiently grounded in reality that you're arranging your environment adequately.

    it's the sort of contrived HAHAGEEKSARESOQUIRKY set-up you'd see presented through Sheldon on "The Big Bang Theory" or, well, in an xkcd comic.

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  23. are you familiar with the concept of a house?

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  24. no, but sometime i may make errors at 5:30 in the morning.

    trgardless. at no point did i missrepresent robs argument, i said that refusing to admit that something is good is sad, this has nothing to do with rob, as he would first have to actually think that randy puts out good commics every once in a while

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  25. So you've gone from "always trying to sit where I think either no-one will be able to see me or I can see everyone" to "always installing myself perfectly in corners" to "well i'm in a house so it's private". Any more terms you'd like to vary or are you sticking with "I'm always hidden in a corner in my house"?

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  26. 2:48, contradiction is not an argument. You said what you said. And Rob's certainly had good things to say about Randy's work in the past. Try harder.

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  27. i don't think i even made an argument, so i'm not sure how anyone is misrepresenting it.

    well, i made the argument that i'm neurotic and that someone reading over my shoulder is pretty much impossible due to the physics of where i sit when i write, but no one misrepresented that one, they just assumed i wrote at like coffee houses or some shit.

    btw though an anxiety disorder is not the same thing as a disorder where you are divorced from reality.

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  28. where have i contradicted? or are you trying to play off the part where i was right as a simple "nu-uh".

    and excuse me for not knowing robs history, i was unaware he had said anything good about randy in the past, and hey, would you look at that, rob never actually refuted my argument that randy puts good content out every once in a while, instead he had said it was less likely.

    i said what i said, unfortunatly for you, i was right.

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  29. In the context of trying to "sit somewhere to read, write, or use a computer", your first example was a restaurant.

    An anxiety disorder does tend to involve being divorced from reality: the thoughts creating the anxiety tend to be a paranoid or otherwise excessively negative interpretation of what's going on or may happen. It's also quite normal for someone suffering an anxiety disorder with antisocial elements to think that their behaviour is shielding them from the observations of others and making them blend in when in fact their pecadillos make them stand out a mile.

    But now I'm just being mean by prodding the patient, and I was taught not to do that, so I'll leave it there.

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  30. " So you've gone from "always trying to sit where I think either no-one will be able to see me or I can see everyone" to "always installing myself perfectly in corners" to "well i'm in a house so it's private". Any more terms you'd like to vary or are you sticking with "I'm always hidden in a corner in my house"?"

    let's go over the history of what I said, shall we?

    first claim: "i will never sit somewhere to read, write, or use a computer where reading over my shoulder is possible." this is still true, and has remained so throughout this conversation. at no point when reading/writing/using a copmuter will I sit in such a way that it is possible for someone to read over my shoulder.

    second claim, which I suspect is the source of your confusion: "usually I try to avoid the possibility of anyone ever being behind me when I sit down but this is not always practical." this was referring to the more general case of where I choose to sit when I'm not reading/writing/using a computer. I still prefer corners and walls but I am less prone to anxiety.

    third claim (ignoring the clarification in that post): "i have written every post on here since, eh, september of last year or so sitting in a corner." note the singular corner. i have written them all from the same corner. there may be one or two exceptions where I have used another corner, of course, but none of them were in public places. the emphasis is, as it has always been, on the fact that humans could not possibly be behind me to read what I am doing when I write.

    fourth claim: "are you familiar with the concept of a house?" this is just clarifying that the corner I was referring to was the same corner the whole time.

    not sure why you seem to think I am writing in public places or whatever, but if that's what makes you happy i'm not going to argue

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  31. "An anxiety disorder does tend to involve being divorced from reality: the thoughts creating the anxiety tend to be a paranoid or otherwise excessively negative interpretation of what's going on or may happen. "

    there aren't thoughts creating the anxiety. it's just anxiety.

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  32. Do you actually have a diagnosis of and treatment for an anxiety disorder, or is this one of those Randallesque self-e-diagnosis things?

    If you're merely suffering some of the physical symptoms of anxiety but no underlying psychological or psychiatric issues then nursie should be looking to pathophysiology.

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  33. i don't think you understand what an anxiety disorder is

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  34. I'm not going to whip out my cock and prove my credentials, but I certainly do know what an anxiety disorder is from my day to day work.

    Briefly, anxiety isn't (just) a collection of physical symptoms - it's a psychological state. If "there aren't thoughts creating the anxiety" then it's by definition not anxiety. You may not be entirely aware of those thoughts, particularly after the event, but something either is creating or has created them.

    There may be certain stimuli associated with emotional trauma where one could argue that thought is barely taking place - for example, someone might panic when the sun comes out because they were frequently abused as a child by Uncle Joe and Uncle Joe always came to visit on sunny days. But that's far more basic (if disabling) than "I don't want someone looking over my shoulder and seeing what I'm doing".

    I do understand, however, that it's really hard to admit that there are thought processes breeding that anxiety and that you have to think different to get out of that worry cycle. So many anxious people insist to themselves and others that it's something out of their control. It doesn't help that some doctors prefer administering medicine to prescribing behavioural therapy.

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  35. your day to day work being intro to psych class? it's great to see undergrads taking such a keen interest in psychology, i just wish they didn't suddenly think they understood fuck-all about the human mind because they flipped ahead in their coursebook to the interesting bits

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  36. anyway i'm off to bed, have fun making up credentials that sound plausible. i'm sure you've had some time to think of something by now. i suggest "researcher" or something, it's pretty generic and doesn't really imply very much

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  37. (To clarify: consider Conditional mouse mutants highlight mechanisms of corticotropin-releasing hormone effects on stress-coping behavior in Mol Psychiatry 2008 Nov;13(11):1028-42. Yes, it's possible to chemically induce stress-coping behaviour and someone with an anxiety disorder may be enjoying chronic hypersecretion of CRH. But the mice haven't been "given an anxiety disorder".)

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  38. Rob, for the first time in a long time you actually sound annoyed.

    No, I'm a statistician by trade who has taken on one unexpected role over the past couple of years of reviewing medical papers and giving advice on use and abuse of statistics. I'm physically next to one of the London research schools - if I tell you that their specialisation is neurology, I'm sure you can find where I'm sitting within a square mile or two.

    I guess I would have got more Internet e-points if I'd pretended to be one of the people I work with. Oh well.

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  39. >>>Rob, for the first time in a long time you actually sound annoyed.

    true dat. i always thought rob's problem was that he was probably a bit socially awkward like randall but didn't know how to get people empathising with him like randall has.

    turns out i was right.

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  40. i always thought eating paste would eventually kill me

    turns out i was right, sucka

    p.s. i live in london so if any of you want me to beat up anon 3.48 give me the word and i'll go get my special feather duster

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  41. Anonymous @ 3:48 AM said,

    "....I guess I would have got more Internet e-points if I'd pretended to be one of the people I work with. Oh well....."

    Statistically speaking, your command of the Queen's English leaves me no choice but to pronounce that you would be unable to 'pretend' to be one of the people with whom you work. At least not in a statistically significant manner within an error range approximately plus or minus five percentage points, 19 times out of 20.

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  42. Rob how dare you not write in public so that everyone in public can see that you are a writer who writes things that a writer would write and therefor the public should admire your writing skills by virtue of you writing in public ( as all good writers write, which is to say in public)!

    That's basically what I'm getting out of the argument, but I am basically the least intelligent member of the human race/most intelligent member of the Aves class (except for crows =[ ).

    Not having a smartphone and never using my laptop for anything but tedious group econometric assignments or those few LAN parties I experimented with back in university (which is to say back in June actually), I can quite safely say that I have typed every single reply and review to this blog in a room where if someone were to stand behind me reading over my shoulder, they would be inside a functioning furnace. And honestly finding out the self-indulgent garbage I write is not worth that much effort.

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  43. I really really don't understand this comment thread

    On the plus side Rob got so butthurt he wandered away from his usual half-a-sentence canard to type up three steaming paragraphs full of aspain and rage. So that's cool, I guess

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  44. Please people: Less stating the obvious; More insults and arguments for these amuse me.

    Back to work puppets.

    (I secretly desire for you to provide obvious non confrontational comments as well. Passive aggressiveness gives me just as much wood.)

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  45. Rob cares approximately 14 times more about defending himself from some Anon than writing reviews

    What does that tell you

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  46. Anyone else notice how Randall changed the wording of the ad for his store from "I promise not to ship you a bobcat, probably" to "I promise not to ship you any bobcats this year"? As though people thinking he would actually ship them a bobcat was a real concern?

    You're right, I didn't either.

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  47. Ann, no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise, we all know you're American.

    Fun fact: This has been the most boring comment thread on this site in recent memory. Go eat a bag of dicks. Especially you, ALTF.

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  48. don't mention her

    that just validates her complexes more

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  49. @That's what she, all I see is some fairly successful trolling of Rob. Hit a nerve?

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  50. That's what she said,

    ".....Go eat a bag of dicks. Especially you, ALTF...."

    Is a restorative beverage allowed?

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  51. You can wash it down with a dick smoothie.

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  52. why do people assume that when i'm bored enough to respond to someone it means i am angry

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  53. A smoothie is a blended and sometimes sweetened beverage made from fresh fruit (fruit smoothie) and in special cases can contain chocolate or peanut butter.

    I learned something new today.

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  54. ALTF, you were outed in the last thread as a troll who just reposts from the chans. You remind me more than ever of Joe Pasquale. While his worn-out party trick is a squeaky voice, yours is a ridiculous style of English.

    At least Rob dared to leave character above and reveal some of himself - it was almost touching, though I'm sure he'll return to deny it ever happened! - but you can't do that, can you?

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  55. Oh dear!
    A neophyte in the ways of the Vulvanator!

    View this, wherein I reveal the power I possess to capture men's souls and deplete them of their vigour:

    www.sterculian-rhetoric.blogspot.com

    I's the cunt in red.

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  56. Oooops,
    Remove the hyphen.
    She screwed up.

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  57. The probability that Rob might leave character here is not altogether unlike the probability of The Kitten leaving a string of broken hymens on the Isle of Dogs. That is to say, dubious.

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  58. i have always been fairly open about the fact that i am basically a grab bag of random disorders. i assume mostly personality disorders but i mean, acting like i know what precisely is wrong with me would imply that there is easy access to affordable medical care in this country

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  59. There is easy access to affordable medical care in your country. It's just not very good.

    A hot-wire treatment for your gonorrhea can be had for $3.50 behind Larry's Rad Repair on Elm street - sometimes effective.

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  60. this is why i have an angry inch, altf

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  61. ALTF, this looks like the same old crap but on a different site: quirky, exaggerated accounts of the mundane; pasting random shit from others in an attempt to sound smart. The Internet was already full of this in 1996, so I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve today. And you're building the persona of.. hmm.. a Laotian midwife and/or the rich guy he's married to?

    You're like a kid who craps every day in the local park: I would ignore you except for the steaming pile you leave in my path every so often.

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  62. the best part about ALTF leaving and then coming back is that the anons get to rediscover how brilliant she is all over again

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  63. An angry itch begats an equally angry scratch.

    I figured you to be one of those kind.

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  64. Fuck off with the flattery Rob or I'll turn part of you into a Maplethorpe montage

    Anonymous cunt: please see:

    www.sterculianrhetoric.blogspot.com

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  65. *begets

    She's unsuccesully attempting to imitate Geordie, with no measure of success of course as few have ever been able to master the dialect.

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  66. "......You're like a kid who craps every day in the local park:....."

    Everyday?
    Not with my diet of cheese and bananas I don't. I'm lucky to toss a caber once a week - and at or near the density of a Nuetron star when I do.

    Geordie?
    Meh!
    Scouser cunt I is.

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  67. http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_0d_BTCgT4xA/Re1JdEDyGkI/AAAAAAAAAPA/b-2YXBu48R0/s1600-h/DSC00239.JPG
    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_0d_BTCgT4xA/Re1JTkDyGjI/AAAAAAAAAO4/lzZH4Z65sp0/s1600-h/DSC00240.JPG
    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_0d_BTCgT4xA/Re1I4kDyGhI/AAAAAAAAAOo/OKJ2-6ddlpU/s320/DSC00252.JPG
    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_0d_BTCgT4xA/Re1IiUDyGgI/AAAAAAAAAOg/_jIitQZf6k4/s320/DSC00254.JPG

    So ALTF from what google-linked site did you obtain these unfortunate pictures from?

    In addition, would anyone care to backtrace the registrar info on 96.2.142.152? Thanks.

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  68. ALTF, I'm not sure why you're offering pictures of yourself in a bikini. I'm neither a pimp nor do I represent a modelling agency specialising in swimwear for boyish Asians. Even if I did, I'm not sure you'd make much of a career of it - the Far East is swimming in them, as it were. But whenever supply exceeds demand it's all about how low you can go, innit?

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  69. 'my my my!' megan squealed 'that is at least two inches now, randy!'.
    'I know! These new exercises are really good.' he replied happily 'very soon they will accept me at the working man's club!'.


    Life was simple for Randall and Megan, they lived a humble lifestyle, in a small shack in Tibet.

    Every morning Randall would tend the crops and feed the cows outside. In exchange for his farming prowess Megan had let him stay, and, when the need arose, she would feed him with her ample breasts.

    One day in June Megan was worried. During her nightly fondling she had found a small lump in lefty. Too scared to tell Randall, for fear he would leave her, she investigated on Wikipedia.

    The article read 'If you find lumps [1] in your breasts [2] you have [sic] cancer and will never milk again [3]'

    'GOOMH WIKI!' she cried. She knew she had no choice but to tell Randall, for the daily bosom rituals he conducted would be sure to uncover her cancerous secret, and honesty was just as important as milk as foundations of their relationship.


    'Randall...I need to talk to you' she said, nervously.
    'Not now!' he exclaimed angrily 'How many times have I told you not to talk while I am feeding? You may only talk if you impersonate my mother!'

    'Randall...I'm sorry, I think you need to stop feeding...I have something to tell you, it's urgent' she replied.

    'What can be more important than milk, Megan?'

    'I have cancer' she said, holding back tears.

    'Oh god, Megan... Don't worry, don't worry. I have planned for this. I will make a post on my blog...'


    To be continued...

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  70. ".....But whenever supply exceeds demand it's all about how low you can go, innit?....."


    The marginal utility curve here necessarily leads to allocative inefficiency. That's why I bat for the other side.

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  71. That doesn't follow at all but I'm fairly sure you know it.

    So, again, why the link? Is it anything more than "hehe I'm a gurl check out my pics"?

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  72. Why 'Ars Gratia Artis' of course.

    You do not appear to be that thick, perhaps you are just not trying hard enough with me?

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  73. 96.2.142.152 leads to International Falls, MN.

    A location with which I have no physical nor spiritual connection whatsoever.

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  74. You have a very long-winded way of saying "yes". Reminds me of an ex - I know it's easier to blather than to whittle but I'm not that patient.

    (Also IP's a proxy, no? Not that I'm really following that thread.)

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  75. Apologies Rob.
    I misspelled the great Mapplethorpe's name in my haste to retort at 12:00 PM, earlier.
    There is no excuse and I will willingly accept my most deserved punishment for such a heinous transgression.
    Though my having eaten maple walnut ice cream for tea last night might have influenced me.

    @ Anonymous above,

    Patience is a virtue.

    Proxy? No.
    Poxy? Yes.

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  76. Patients are your virtue, love. I'll stick with the earnest and the cordial.

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  77. They are her bane.

    Now it is time for her to leave.

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  78. anonymous is on a roll today, lulz

    also anon1:18=anon1:10=anon12:55=samefag

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  79. "Well it can't be helped that the kid has only been alive for 12 years or so, and hasn't even had a regular education! I mean, he was practically raised by hippies. It's not his fault for his lack of knowledge!"

    I just want to point out that this quote has been taken way out of context.

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  80. I don't get what he's trying to say with this newest comic. Is it that people who now listen to Justin Bieber's mistletoe shit aren't old enough to reminisce about the Christmas's of their childhoods?

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  81. Also, this is unquestionably the greatest Christmas song of all time:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1-PInpfILM

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  82. I had forgotten all abut http://www.isxkcdshittytoday.com/. I used to always send people there when they said 'omg have you seen xkcd today omg lol so witty.' 'Well,' I would say. 'let's see what oracle says. and look. the real truth rhymes with witty, I spose.' Anyway, I had forgotten it but I just remembered it and, yeah.

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  83. gah, THE oracle. It's uncanny how it's never wrong.

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  84. Just asking, Rob, why do you sometimes answer all reasonably and other times you just throw garbage at people who questions you?

    Thanks.

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  85. if i'm ever reasonable it's not intentional

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  86. Fuck it, but this shit goes too far.

    http://www.webcitation.org/63rsyuQq4

    Again.

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  87. I don't get it. What's the mistake? Is it just that

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  88. It is very obvious to me that the mistake is

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  89. fucksake not another stupid

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  90. This reminds me of that time I made a credible threat against the

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  91. Do you nerds have nothing better to do than criticise a harmless comic all day? While you're masturbating and releasing your sexual frustration I've just been spending the last hour fucking my

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  92. No matter how shit this blog gets the comments are always better without

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  93. Haha, Randy forgot the speech lines. What a dildo!

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  94. Randy's such an antisemitic, no good, thieving

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  95. "Antisemitism!" is just the kind of misleading battle cry I'd expect from a

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  96. ah today's xkcd was so close. If that last panel weren't there, it might actually be... decent?!

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  97. "Scotland Yard has confirmed it is looking into a complaint that Mr Cameron broke the law by allegedly having sex in his Whitehall office."

    If I were his lawyer, I would point out that using a government office for having sex with his secretary was far less ruinous for Britain than how he might otherwise have been using it. While Cameron was harmlessly fucking his secretary, the rest of the cabinet were probably hatching schemes to make us all line up and be fingerprinted. Put it this way: would you rather he was shafting his secretary, or the nation? We got off lightly.

    I would go further: I would say that screwing his secretary is his main achievement since taking office, and one of the things that sets him apart from monomaniacs and cyborgs like Blair, Brown and Straw. Blair would no more fuck his secretary than he would read a novel. Why? Because he’s a lunatic and a freak, with no more sense of proportion than a Saudi cleric. Brute that he is, Cameron is one of the few members of the establishment who is still recognisably earthling.

    "I’m the one who acted stupidly," he said. What was stupid about it? It was one of the few things he has done recently of which sane people might approve. You vote to abolish Habeas Corpus and the Magna Carta, then you apologise for screwing your secretary? Seriously, what’s wrong with everyone on that island? Besides which, to describe it as "stupid" is insulting to the woman, you great oaf.

    Incidentally, trivia question: how many jags does "two-jags" own? He owns one jag (second hand). If he were French or Italian he could use his ministerial car to buy milk, visit his whippets, or whatever else he does with his wretched life. But because he was scrupulous, on that occasion, about the difference between government property and private property, he got jumped on.* And the same people who call him two-jags now bitch about him getting his end away in Whitehall.

    I think he comes out of these scandals rather well. I still hope to see him hang, however. Cunt. Innit?

    ReplyDelete
  98. sadly ALTF's s/Prescott/Cameron/g failed to remove the references to 'two-jags' :(

    ReplyDelete
  99. disregard that, i suck

    ReplyDelete
  100. In Britain, medicine's less about accuracy and more about a strong enough union to convince everyone that the mistake was "unavoidable".

    captcha: istiz, yes it is.

    ReplyDelete
  101. re. ALTF: ?
    Oh, I see, still attention whoring & trolling via regurgitations you lack the intellect to create yourself... At least you're consistent.

    Also, your comments are like XKCD: Painful to read and difficult to avoid.

    Before you reply: "you don't have to read xkcdsucks comments" see also "you don't have to read xkcd"

    Congratulations, you've brought the same shit we all wish to escape here, with even less intelligence. I'm not even mad, just pointing out the obvious so you can riff off it and gloat in your glorious fail.

    ReplyDelete
  102. I can't wait until Oprah dies. Fucking leftfag.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Just asking, Rob, did Randall Munroe actually rape your daughter?

    ReplyDelete
  104. of course why would i lie about something so tragic

    ReplyDelete
  105. Because you are a monster.

    A monster that raped his own daughter.

    :-(

    ReplyDelete
  106. EVERYBODY;

    drugs + deadmau5 + xkcdsucks = what is this i don't even

    this blog is now about deadmau5

    ReplyDelete
  107. Ok, this is something new for me... rape??? I knew Randy made awful webcomics, but really??? Did you go to the police? What happened?

    ReplyDelete
  108. Some surprise buttsex occurred, Randy was involved, that's about all I know.

    Captcha: siollers.
    Sioller alert

    ReplyDelete
  109. Hello Police?

    I'd like to report a rape.

    ...

    Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the past *crys* 6 years ...


    On my computer.


    Yeah, through the internet, its a webcom-

    WELL HE'S RAPING MY EYES

    Yes, he is literally raping my eyes with his mediocrity ...

    Hello?

    ReplyDelete
  110. Randall Munroe is a convicted rapist.

    In the court of public opinion.

    And in search engines as of about 30 minutes from now.

    Wikipedia article remains to edit before truth is confirmed.

    ReplyDelete
  111. 30 years? You have got to be fucking kidding me. Why would you bother getting frozen for only 30 years. It's not going to be that different in 30 years. Kurzweil is an idiot. We've had no significant new technologies in the last 30 years except for the ONE Randall highlights in this strip (or maybe TWO if you count internet and cellphones separately, in which case you don't get to count smartphones again, or give Alexander Graham Bell credit for a revolutionary breakthrough).

    Face it Randall, computers are faster than ever, but we're in the middle of decades of technological stagnation. At some point there will be a bunch of rapid technological innovation again, but I'm not sure we'll be there in 30 years. Life in the 1960s wasn't that much different than now. On the other hand, life in the 1910s was way different; most people didn't have access to electric lights, cars, telephones or airplanes, and penicillin, TV, nukes, spaceflight, and computers weren't even invented. An Iphone II GS isn't a revolutionary innovation on par with the electric light.

    ReplyDelete
  112. 1900-1970: rise of welfare state: progress for all.

    1970-2011: decline of welfare state: stagnation.

    ReplyDelete
  113. I suffer the madman's burden.


    Trapped alone,

    For sins I've never known

    I must atone.

    Here, at the hands of this manic drone.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Well why would I go fuck myself, after all I have a home in the Newcandle burough of Jackson Mississippi, a well-paying job and a

    ReplyDelete
  115. Why are you all making jokes about this? Come on. Seriously, Rob, what happened?

    ReplyDelete
  116. guys I don't want to be a wet blanket here but this stuff should really be on our sister blog rapesucks.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  117. In America, a rape victim must be a free human - with your property you may do as you will. So it was impossible under US law or the law of any slave-owning states for a slave to be legally raped: there are zero records of a slaveowner being charged with rape of one of the slaves.

    The more you know.

    In England, rape still requires penile penetration. It is thus impossible under English law for women to be rapists, "statutory" or otherwise.

    The more you know.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Nuh uh, dildos/strapons. I'm pretty sure those penetrate.

    ReplyDelete
  119. @ Ann Apolis December 12, 7:21 AM,

    No I didn't.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Apologies for being truant yesterday. I went to see the Occupy International Falls demonstration - there were four people. Two hirsute Flower Children who had made a wrong turn at Haight-Ashbury lo those many years ago; a rather mad adolescent and some woman hoisting a placard which read, "Eat The Rich".

    "Listen, girlfriend, I do not think that would be a good idea. A Hilton Skin-Taco might have its charms as an amuse-bouche, but Trump tartare is absolutely horrid."

    ReplyDelete
  121. ALTF, did you ever check out my blog?

    ReplyDelete
  122. @ Ann Apolis,

    Upon further reflection, I am hurt that you could not distinguish my 'adaptions' of the dross of that utter cunt Hutton from those of another.
    After all, I chose Hutton as he is a compatriot of yours and surely he must be known to you and The Kitten. He is justfiably the most famous son of High Wycombe (next to that Spasticus Autisticus guy, Disraeli, Dusty Springfield and a few others). He and his brother Barry are co-conspirators with Noreen for christ's sake!
    Sheesh!

    ReplyDelete
  123. So what, the rape charges are a joke? Why isn't Rob saying anything? And why are some of you trying to distract from the subject?

    ReplyDelete
  124. Please, ALTF. I need you.

    ReplyDelete
  125. No you don't.
    You are but neonate meconium - sterile but still foetid.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Faggot_neckbeardfaggotneckbeardDecember 13, 2011 at 8:36 AM

    DAMMIT, VISIT MY BLOG AND COMMENT. IT'S SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.

    ReplyDelete
  127. Faggot_faggotbeardfaggotfaggotDecember 13, 2011 at 8:44 AM

    Mmm. Yes ma'am. *Licks*

    ReplyDelete
  128. Artificial Intelligence 101
    Mid-term paper


    Question 1.

    (a) Given as input:

    [town name]

    and the following resources:

    (i) The "I'm Feeling Lucky" Google result for:

    +[town name] +famous +site:wikipedia.org

    (ii) Any pages linked to by the page in (i);

    (iii) The web site:

    http://thesaurus.com/

    write a bot which displays random and unlikely knowledge about [town name].

    (b) Test your bot on the following towns:

    International Falls
    High Wycombe.

    (2 marks)

    ReplyDelete
  129. lol. only a human could come up with such a horrible convolution as "are co-conspirators with". (oh and hi josh, my friendly mutual friend)

    ReplyDelete
  130. Dear ALT-F,

    That serendipitous academic convergence of ideas you posted is clearly about Prescott, and you did indeed fail to remove the reference to 'two-jags'. However, the idea of that jowly, organically-grown potato bending his secretary over the desk is even more repugnant than Cameron's perma-smug face, so you are forgiven.

    Just try not to do it again.

    Regards,
    Kitten(s)

    ReplyDelete
  131. 5:42, they penetrate but it's not rape because it's not a penis doing the penetrating. Section 1 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003.

    I'm not sure whether an F2M transexual has ever been tested in court. I doubt they'd have the balls.

    ReplyDelete
  132. Enquiring scholars will note that the next section categorises Anon's offence as "Assault by penetration" and that the offence carries the same potential prison term, "life", which is interpreted as what feels like a lifetime in dull, rainy England, i.e. about 13 years. This offence, unlike "rape":

    (a) Demands evidence that the penetration is "sexual". So a dildo per anum for mere sadistic amusement would not even be "assault by penetration";

    (b) Omits the mouth as a potential orifice. So even the most sexually gratifying insertion of the afore mentioned unwashed dildo in ALTF's unwashed mouth would be neither rape nor assault by penetration.

    ReplyDelete
  133. Dearest Kitten(s),
    I think if you click on the ALTF Avatar of the comment placed December 12, 2011 at 6:57 AM you will understand why I responded to Ann with, "No I didn't", and them followed with, "I am hurt that you (Ann) could not distinguish my 'adaptions' of the dross of that utter cunt Hutton from those of another."

    Perhaps I am still being too opaque - that comment of December 12, 2011 at 6:57 AM was from a doppelganger ya cunt!

    @ Anonymous @ 9:10,

    I am not human. It should be 'of' not 'with' right?

    ReplyDelete
  134. 'Serendipitous academic convergence'

    I do so love that phrase.

    ReplyDelete
  135. It might be.

    It could be "conspire with".

    Your conscience picks what it should be. The Bristol Stool Chart assesses the outcome.

    But Spasticus Autisticus was marvellous. dum anima est, spes est.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Kitten, you are forgiven.

    Just try not to do it again.

    Bristol Stool Chart?
    Oh dear, memories of nightmares past.

    ReplyDelete
  137. "....Your conscience picks what it should be. The Bristol Stool Chart assesses the outcome....."

    Good line!
    There will be further use of it at a later date.

    ReplyDelete
  138. First those Canuck cunts separate Pedro and Buddy, now they formally withdraw from the Kyoto Protocol. Is there no end to their depravity?

    ReplyDelete
  139. Do not be like the acquitted rapist and personate my pusillanimous passive parry.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Now they're saying Buddy has an opposite-sex beau!
    He, being a marine bird and separated from his love, is probably abiding the old mariner credo of, 'Any port in a storm'. That, or he is taking the sage advice of Stephen Stills.

    ReplyDelete
  141. Adopted by a Chrétien; discarded by a Kent. triumphales, o sodales!

    ReplyDelete
  142. Doo doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo-doo

    ReplyDelete
  143. Back of the queue, new-man. (Do they still call them that?)

    ReplyDelete
  144. Faggot_faggotfaggotfaggotfaggotDecember 13, 2011 at 11:34 AM

    So did you guys visit my blog yet? ALTF, what about you? I'm begging you.

    ReplyDelete
  145. ALTF, can you cook? My current Asian has decided daddy needs her.

    My terms were:

    (1) you do as I say, when I say - I won't ask you to do anything criminal or which causes you lasting harm;

    (2) you receive £2500/week each Monday in advance plus full enjoyment of the facilities in my apartment (either New Providence Wharf or Discovery Dock East);

    (3) you do not leave either residence unaccompanied except on Wednesdays when you will have 8 hours to do as you please, returning by 6pm;

    (4) you will leave and never return with 2 hours' notice.

    ReplyDelete
  146. Those are pretty good terms. Would you accept angry white male nerds who are either woefully under or overweight that know how to cook hot pockets just right?

    ReplyDelete
  147. Faggot(underfaggot)faggotbeardfaggotfaggotDecember 13, 2011 at 11:53 AM

    Capn, what about you? It's lonely over there. Please come be a regular.

    ReplyDelete
  148. Your loss 11:52

    Enjoy your ice crystals surrounded by molten fucking lava!

    ReplyDelete
  149. FaggotfaggotfaggotfaggotfaggotfaggotfaggotDecember 13, 2011 at 12:06 PM

    FUCK YOU ALL, I'M GOING TO WRITE ABOUT THIS IN MY BLOG, YOU WILL BE SORRY

    ReplyDelete
  150. "....I won't ask you to do anything criminal...."

    May I do so on my own volition? On Wednesdays, of course.

    Why would I leave the 80 hectare BP Estate for an apartment in Blighty?
    Are you mad?

    ReplyDelete
  151. I'm offering you money, not freedom. You can buy that afterwards.

    ReplyDelete
  152. I am discussing spaciousness. Your remuneration is a pittance - barely enough to keep me in hosiery. And your bourgeois concept of freedom is illusory at best.
    Besides, your pixelating bravado is fictive. As you write, your gonads are surreptitiously spritzing their essence and hopelessly betraying your true nature - an Omega male.

    ReplyDelete
  153. and .. And ... AND you're probably shitty at cooking Hot Pockets! Fucking Philistine!

    ReplyDelete
  154. You need to reconcile "my owner's 80 ha. estate" with "your bourgeois concept of freedom is illusory".

    I'm pleased that you've reached the stage of angry haggling. It's clear you've been here before. What amount were you hoping for?

    ReplyDelete
  155. ALTF, the most self amusing and absorbing twit of all.

    (Hint: It's a man.)

    I find it sad that he lacks the readership anywhere, and thus thrusts his ineffectual emanations so frequently here; The consuming of which being only a bit more pathetic than the initial attention starved hijacking itself.

    It's clear his pretentiousness only thinly masks the loneliness. If not for the foulness, one would almost feel pity.

    ReplyDelete
  156. An Omega male.
    Not the Ωmega Man.


    Dearest Capn,

    That famous Philistine, Nabokov (The Lolita guy) said:

    "(G)enerally speaking, philistinism presupposes a certain advanced state of civilization where throughout the ages certain traditions have accumulated in a heap and have started to stink".

    Much like these 'Hot Pockets' to which you refer.



    Anonymous @ 1:31 PM said,

    "....ALTF, the most self amusing and absorbing twit of all....."

    Other than the fact I would hyphenate 'self-amusing' and replace 'twit' with 'twat', I could not have expressed how I view myself any better! I am a man's man!

    ReplyDelete
  157. Oh, and I would say self-adsorbing - sounds more pretentious than absorbing.

    ReplyDelete
  158. 1:31, in brief:

    - No-one cares what gender ALTF is;
    - You're consuming it;
    - The gap between linguistic Kampf and Endlösung is even greater in your case than ALTF's. You sound awful.

    In briefer, she has hope but you're beyond reproach. Please stop trying.

    ReplyDelete
  159. Can someone please explain #987 to me?

    What does complaining have to do with working to your full potential? And what does a robot flipping cars have to do with anything?

    This comic has got me really stumped. I have no clue what his intention was with this comic and usually I can at least tell what he was TRYING to do, even if he typically fails. Here I have no idea.

    ReplyDelete
  160. @ Anonymous @ 1:55,

    I jolly well care what gender I am. And so should you! And so should everyone else now and henceforth for ever more.

    There is no hope for me though. I have the words, "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate" tattooed on my pubis - but I am being ironic.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Like all angry, impotent geeks, he has a dream to kill everyone who ever criticised/wronged/got more girls than he did. In fact, this is his only aim. He regards this murderous revenge as working to his full potential.

    ReplyDelete
  162. Hey everybody, I can take what people say and change it around a bit and add in a bit of snark while I'm at it! I'm so clever!

    You're fucking boring.

    ReplyDelete
  163. 2:09, would you please provide a full list of all things you find boring? Be exhaustive.

    ReplyDelete
  164. @ Anonymous @ 1:59,

    The cars are not being 'flipped', they are being 'tossed' and therein lies the cognitive dissonance required for the humour.
    Wordsmithy is the clue.

    @ Anonymous 2:09

    I am fucking boring.
    Your fucking is boring.
    See the difference?

    ReplyDelete
  165. How visionary! I have the very same inscribed on each eyelid, ALTF.

    ReplyDelete
  166. ALTF
    Obama
    Romantic comedies
    Facebook status updates

    ReplyDelete
  167. I have "free Nelson Mandela" circumscribing my anus.

    ReplyDelete
  168. I want to be 2:09

    It sounds like his life is a blast!

    ReplyDelete
  169. @ Anonymous 2:16,

    On the insides or the outsides?

    ReplyDelete
  170. @Capn:

    No, my life is an iconoclast. Get it right, you residual fecal smear on the cunts of melancholy adolescents.

    See what I did there, ALTF?

    ReplyDelete
  171. 2:16, I was going to ask just the same about yours.

    ReplyDelete
  172. 2:29, ALTF does it badly but does it better than you.

    See what that implies, 2:29?

    ReplyDelete
  173. Good parody is always slightly exaggerated.

    ReplyDelete
  174. 2:35, does good parody also need an explanation by the author of why he thinks it's good?

    ReplyDelete
  175. I wasn't explaining why it was good. I was explaining why you're a fuckwit.

    ReplyDelete
  176. "Good parody is always slightly exaggerated therefore I am a fuckwit."

    What?

    Quit while you're behind, boy. Apologise to your betters, &c.

    ReplyDelete
  177. You're a fuckwit because you didn't know that.

    Also, taking an Internet argument so seriously and pretending like you're winning betrays your embarrassingly low self-esteem levels.

    ReplyDelete
  178. "Good parodies are always slightly exaggerated therefore my parody is good."

    What?

    Smile, shrug and walk away. Readers here will remember your failure but no-one else will know.

    ReplyDelete
  179. You fail quite hard at summarizing my conclusions.

    I'm adding you to the list of boring things, by the way. The last thing the Internet needs is yet another mindless cookie cutter anon who uses the same boring tactics to argue with strangers.

    "Ah, I sure am glad I'm obviously putting you in your place. It's good to be superior. Nothing fazes me. I'm definitely not holding back my tears while typing this. Nope, no sir."

    ReplyDelete
  180. shut the fuck up you fucking faggots

    ps everyone in this thread = samefag

    ReplyDelete
  181. "You're repeating what I say therefore you are boring."

    Ah.

    You came in to criticise the premise of this blog and the best troll. You dug a hole, jumped in and raked the earth over you. Well done. If that was your mission, you've succeeded with distinction.

    ReplyDelete
  182. 2:09 @ 2:29 said,


    "....No, my life is an iconoclast. Get it right, you residual fecal smear on the cunts of melancholy adolescents.

    See what I did there, ALTF?...."

    No I do not.
    Other than the fact you used the word 'iconoclast' incorrectly - you meant it to be a noun but you phrased it poorly - and you spelled faecal wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  183. I guess Internationael Faells is such aen exciting locaele, given your time spent on here

    ReplyDelete
  184. 3:24, you are dead and buried and yet still posting... does this make you a zombie?

    ReplyDelete
  185. 'Tis rivetting here.
    Or should I say riveting seeing as it is in the great U S of A?

    Nice use of the 'ae' vowel complex - so British of you.

    ReplyDelete
  186. 3:24 isn't the same as 2:09, you dumb fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  187. 3:24 = 2:09 = 4:40 = samefags

    ReplyDelete
  188. 4:43 = the embodiment of every fuckface ever = samefag

    ReplyDelete