Saturday, November 12, 2011

Comic 976: I'm Sailing Away

[Hated raven "Ravenzomg" wrote this guest review, apparently. I was forced to troubleshoot and remove problematic HTML just so I could post the fucking thing. -Ed.]

Hello, everyone! This is Ravenzomg of Ravenzomg fame here to review the latest XKCD!


Title: Sail. Tooltip: It only works a few times before you have to capsize the boat in the soap lagoon again.

I'm going to review this backwards. Rather than grudgingly admit a few things that are okay and spend the whole review talking about how awful everything is, milk, etc, I'm going to treat this comic as follows:

This is a pretty good xkcd comic. I'm not saying it's a great comic, but it is pretty good. How about a list? Everybody likes lists. That's why Cracked and The Oatmeal make money, right? And what is this, except a money-making instrument that Carl created a few years ago and still benefits from?

(1) No ppd. Hell, no dialogue at all. Let's do a quick calculation... oh right. The Ravenzomg Scale of Wordiness™ is ZERO. We always complain that Randall uses too many words. I was going to dive into the archives for you creatures, but then I hit the VERY LAST COMIC.



So many words! That's a 3.72 on the Ravenzomg Scale of Wordiness™, which is a full 372 infinities times as large! Goodness knows he's done even worse.

BUT NOT TODAY. Today we have no awkward monologuing or captions or anything. Just a simple art thing. Which brings us to

(2) The joke is actually appropriate to the medium! This joke relies on minimalist style. Which Randy employs. If the comic were any more detailed, the joke relying on the ambiguity of interpretation wouldn't work. So good job! Which leads into

(3) The absence of those usual art foibles. Sit back, reader, for Ravenzomg will do all the hard MS Paint work for you!



There are exactly zero (0) heads disconnected from bodies, zero (0) heads that have gaping holes in them. The head varies in shape and looks lumpy and weird, but that's what stick-figures are. and who wouldn't have lumps stuck in their head at a time like this.

Also note that, at the very least, he continues his no-copy-paste rule. Every man is different, every boat is different, and while the scaling seems... wonky, we won't hold it against him. Well, I won't. You guys go ahead, 'cause you guys like that shit (you like that shit).

(4) The joke itself is okay. It's slightly reminiscent of classic XKCDs that would at the very least cause a slight rise in your lip, without the accompanying furrowed brows. It's just a cute aesthetic joke that we look at, enjoy, and move on. No source of rage.

Well, unless you're some kind of idiot who doesn't understand the comic. Here is what is going on, for those less educated/American of you:

[link, because Raven broke the goddamn blog -Ed.]

Let's all just appreciate the caliber of this video and the knowledge we have attained. Now look at the comic, and realize what Randall has done. He's one-upped the so-called Bubble Man!

If you aren't getting down on your knees now, you are a failure of a human being.

121 comments:

  1. GOOMHRZOMG I HATE AMERICANS TOO

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  2. Est-ce que ouga bouga est mdongo dans le n'debele aujourd'hui?

    ^typical french as spoken in Paris nowadays

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  3. You ever notice how all the characters in XKCD are drawn white? Even the black celebrities?

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  4. Aw man, and here I wrote a review that involved the lake and bubbles being made from megan's breast milk.

    Well darn.

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  5. The idea is comparable to one of Sergio Aragones' marginal comics from back when Mad Magazine wasn't that bad, which isn't that bad, but I don't think Randall draws well enough to pull it off. Not a badly drawn boat, but I couldn't immediately tell what was going on at the end there, and something like this depends on a rapid pace that brooks no pauses for thought. Doesn't brook them at all, I tell you.

    Speaking of Sergio Aragones, everybody should go out and buy the monthly gag comic he started a few months ago. It isn't that bad.

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  6. your review was mostly about how i was probably going to make a review, pirate king

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  7. Look, it's not my fault Carl made this blog so fucking awful it didn't like embedded youtube videos.

    We're all victims here. Victims of Carl's selflessly creating and then selflessly leaving the blog.

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  8. I didn't feel there was a whole lot to say about this one. It was decent. That's unusual.

    But I'm betting the next one will be twice as terrible to make up for it, because that's the way randall usually does things.

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  9. yeah I felt the same way. I am pretty sure that if this one happened during the classic era of XKCD I would have liked it, but now it just has no effect on me at all

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  10. It's basically a hollow shell of a human being; Randall has figured out what to do with his medium, and he's doing it pretty okay, but... there's still something missing =[

    (it's a regular life, that working on webcomics as a living doesn't give you a chance to experience, which would let him better relate to people who actually functioned in regular society)

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  11. I flew through Charles de Gaulle Intl. Airport last week and all I could hear was "ouga bouga est mdongo n'dbele le mgumba" everywhere. The French of the future, it seems.

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  12. OCCUPY XKCD! FIGHT CORPORATE GREED!

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  13. Rob, was there ever really a classic era of xkcd?

    I mean, it was maybe a couple hundred pages before it descended into crappiness, but there were always lame ones mixed in there. We just had more of an ability to ignore them and move on.

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  14. How much money does Carl make in a month from this blog? Like $10?

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  15. The French of the future will be more like "ching chang chong all hail Hu Jintao".

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  16. ThePirateKing, perhaps you're lacking a pair of nostalgia goggles.

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  17. die in a fire jon levi

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  18. Since when did writing non-negative reviews suddenly became okay?

    I don't think it's okay.

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  19. OK, I admit it, I'm too stupid to get the joke. You make a bubble thing in the shape of a sail while sitting on a boat. The wind makes the bubble form and float away. You do it again. So what?

    In other news, you could make a parasol with upturned sides and use it to fry an egg. Wow wouldn't that be quirky?!

    I can remember the older kids in prep school started some magazine which had this sort of humour. They were 12. Twelve. It wasn't that funny back then but at least it was a demonstration of nascent creativity. One of the editors moved on to big-boy school, studied drama at uni and is now a recognisable UK childrens' TV presenter. But he left that sort of quirky humour behind before his 13th birthday.

    RANDALL MUNROE IS NEARLY THIRTY.

    Is it just everyone pointing at the underdeveloped retard, like so many laughed at Charlie Gordon in Flowers for Algernon? His audience clap not because he is good but because he is so bad, so eager and so unaware of others' opinion that he gives us entertainment.

    Because I refuse to believe that grown adults actually admire Munroe's work. The world simply couldn't operate with that many idiots.

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  20. "If you aren't getting down on your knees now"

    To suck your cock, is that right? Raven? To suck your cock?

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  21. "Because I refuse to believe that grown adults actually admire Munroe's work. The world simply couldn't operate with that many idiots. "

    you poor, optimistic thing

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  22. To suck your cock, is that right? Raven? To suck your cock?

    Randall's, obviously. Like the Greeks used to say, "Don't suck the messenger's cock".

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  23. In ancient Greece it was only OK to suck cock if the cockholder hadn't finished puberty. So uh, take whatever they say about cocksucking with a grain of salt.

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  24. Once, I was on x reading a creepypasta. It seemed familiar in some way, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. A warning was included in the story to never repost it. I decided to repost it on another message board, just to see what would happen. I didn't really believe anything would happen.

    As soon as I reposted the story, the image on my computer screen suddenly changed and I was back at x, reading a creepypasta. It seemed familiar in some way, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. A warning was included in the story to never repost it. I decided to repost it on another message board, just to see what would happen. I didn't really believe anything would happen.

    As soon as I reposted the story, the image on my computer screen suddenly changed and I was back at x, reading a creepypasta. It seemed familiar in some way, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. A warning was included in the story to never repost it. I decided to repost it on another message board, just to see what would happen. I didn't really believe anything would happen.

    DO NOT EVER REPOST THIS STORY OR YOU WILL END UP LIKE ME.

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  25. Guys, I've been thinking.

    A lot of what's wrong with America today can be blamed on eight solid years of Ronald Fucking Reagan.

    Reagan was able to win the first time around partly because he was up against Carter, who, while a decent human being, was not so good at the whole "president" thing.

    Carter was able to win because he was up against Ford, who was seriously unpopular for pardoning Nixon for the whole Watergate thing.

    So maybe, just maybe, the world would be a better place if no one had found out about Watergate?

    Or if, you know, Reagan had actually did when he was shot, but that one's obvious.

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  26. Wrong. Reagan was one of the top five Presidents of the past fifty years. Maybe even the top ten of all time.

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  27. Reagan was the number one greatest president, what are you even talking about. He was man enough to show up to a peace discussion with the Soviets painstakingly set up over the course of 2 years, and proceed to insult the Soviet leader for 2 days straight instead of actually negotiating.

    AMERICA. FUCK YEAH.

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  28. he also said some famous things like "mr gorbachev tear down this wall" and then they tore down the wall and that makes him the best diplomat

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  29. I'm not really sure you can blame everything on Reagan. I mean, sure, he was horrible, but he was elected twice. There was clearly already something deeply wrong with the American people. Reagan was the effect, not the cause.

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  30. Every time I see you xkcd I get down on my knees and pray. I'm waiting for that final punchline it says the words that I can't say.

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  31. YOU FUCKERS LOVE MAPS, RIGHT? MAYBE YOU CAN LOVE ME NOW TOO. PLEASE.

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  32. But Randall!

    I don't care about maps!

    I have the Internet!

    Captcha: Crunscend. Transcendental crunch.

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  33. Long time listener, first time caller.

    I cannot wait for the xkcdsucks review of the map projections comic. It is dismal beyond belief.

    You like coffee and enjoy The Beatles. Hello 99% of the world.

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  34. I'm going to write in "Zombie Regan" on my ballot. That, or "Not Mit Romney." Who the fuck goes by the name of something you catch a ball with? Maybe he secretly wishes he was catching balls?

    As for XKCD; fuck. Thats pretty much my only thought when i read it now. just the one word, fuck. Maybe i have ascended like Carl. one can only hope

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  35. I kinda like the map comic, although maybe that's just because it panders to my hatred of the Gall-Peters projection. Which isn't to say it's funny I just like that it gives the users of non-standard map projections the comeuppance they deserve.

    Although even on those merits, the comic would work a lot better if he trimmed it down to a few basic map projection systems. It gets repetitive.

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  36. Once, I was on x reading a creepypasta. It seemed familiar in some way, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. A warning was included in the story to never repost it. I decided to repost it on another message board, just to see what would happen. I didn't really believe anything would happen.

    As soon as I reposted the story, the image on my computer screen suddenly changed and I was back at x, reading a creepypasta. It seemed familiar in some way, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. A warning was included in the story to never repost it. I decided to repost it on another message board, just to see what would happen. I didn't really believe anything would happen.

    As soon as I reposted the story, the image on my computer screen suddenly changed and I was back at x, reading a creepypasta. It seemed familiar in some way, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. A warning was included in the story to never repost it. I decided to repost it on another message board, just to see what would happen. I didn't really believe anything would happen.

    DO NOT EVER REPOST THIS STORY OR YOU WILL END UP LIKE ME.





    Whoops.

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  37. So now he's just blowing bubbles.

    He's aging backwards, Randall "Benjamin Button" Munroe, starting with that fucking barrel. He awakens from the netherworld between hell and life.

    In his early comics HE OUTSMARTS BLACK HAT GUY, he gets the girl, he's funny!

    But now he's becoming a child. The ways of the world are becoming lost to him, it's all growing so fuzzy. He wanted milk for a very long time, sweet lactating Megans milk. Why? Because he was becoming a baby.

    Now here he sits, nonsensical, random. Blowing bubbles with his own spit.

    Soon he'll start playing with his own faeces, like all babies.

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  38. Yo dawg I heard you liked maps and shit so me and the guys at west-coast customs put this sweet-ass maps and projections shit in your favourite web-comic so you can do your maps thing while you are doing the internet

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  39. i can't wait to have this poster on my wall

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  40. PPD. Not entirely unrelated in a metaphorical sense to someone who creates comics and then immediately tries to permanently change them, actually.

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  41. I kinda liked the new one. Mostly because it had maps that are mildly interesting. As a comic it is bad.

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  42. When it is made into a poster it will be a meta-poster as people already have posters of world maps on their wall. Unless you are clever enough to have a globe...

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  43. Dicksmash McIroncockNovember 14, 2011 at 8:14 AM

    @New comic:
    TFL;DFR

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  44. Xerxes Kills Children Daily is arguably the finest body of post-structuralist cartographic schizospectral self-referential comedy of speculation since you loved squirrels spuriously.

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  45. Rob, when do you think xkcd started turning to shit? Obviously, there's no comic where "okay, before this is cool, but after this is shit", but around where did it go downhill?

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  46. you'd have to ask one of those people who has documented my decline, i don't really pay attention that much

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  47. you'd have to ask one of those people who has documented my decline, i don't really pay attention that much

    unintentional misreading?? or furthur proof that rob is randall and fat hurr hurr

    captcha: cogizzed. rob cogizzed all over himself when he saw the comment threads wasn't full of samefags and alt-f for once.

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  48. no, I mean there are people who could answer the question of 'when did rob start hating xkcd'

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  49. @Anon 3:30 - How cane you say that? I find your post to be offensive to children, in that you compare them to Randall Munroe?!

    My inner child is offended.

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  50. If there was a button you could press which would instantly disappear everyone who voted for Reagan, would you press it?

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  51. here's an article about how reagan was a lousy fuck:
    http://gawker.com/5859493/reagan-to-bored-virgin-during-sex-you-should-have-had-many-orgasms-by-now

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  52. Too many libfags here. I bet none of you even understand what Reagan accomplished.

    When Reagan took office the economy was one of the double-digit inflation and high interest rates. During his first year in office, Reagan engineered the passage of $39 billion in budget cuts into law, as well as a massive 25 percent tax cut spread over three years for individual, and faster write-offs for capital investment for business.

    Although inflation dropped from 13.5% in 1980 to 5.1% in 1982, a severe recession set in, with unemployment exceeding 10% in October, 1982 for the first time in forty years. The administration modified its economic policy after two years by proposing selected tax increases and budget cuts to control rising deficits and higher interest rates. After the 1982 downturn, the reduced inflation rate (under 5% for the remainder of the administration) sparked record economic growth, and produced one of the lowest unemployment rates in modern U.S. history (unemployment hit a 14 year low in June of 1988). As Reagan left office, the nation was experiencing its sixth consecutive year of economic prosperity.

    Reagan led the battle for a Social Security reform bill designed to ensure the long-term solvency of the system...

    Reagan encouraged the development of "private sector initiatives" as well as federalism, with the objective of transferring from the federal government some of the responsibilities believed to be better served by private business or state and local government.

    At the heart of Reagan's foreign policy was the prevention of communist expansion.

    When Ronald Reagan became president, he had a clear vision of what the nation should be and spelled out the direction he hoped it would take during his administration. Reagan had a clear social, economic, and foreign policy agenda, and with political guile and personal persuasiveness he was able to achieve many of his goals.

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  53. sorry, which part of that was supposed to make me thing reagan was a good president? I didn't see any positive achievements there

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  54. Most Reagan haters don't know shit about him except that he was a Republican. And they don't know shit about the Republican party either except that their parents hated it.

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  55. i also know that he was a lousy fuck

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  56. When Reagan took office, Americans had a bum education, double-digit inflation, and couldn't take a train to their jobs cos there was a strike at the station.

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  57. Can't we all, no matter what our race, sexual orientation, religion, or political ideology, agree that people who say "___fags" are subhuman scum who need to be forcibly sterilized?

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  58. Look Rob, he may have been a lousy fuck but he was a lousy fuck who was also a gunslinger. You keep forgetting how hard he fought to keep the Dark Tower safe.

    NEVER FORGET.

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  59. he only played a gunslinger on tv, raven

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  60. 7:16 is clearly a fagfag. Maybe even a fagfagfag.

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  61. 6:50- "After the 1982 downturn, the reduced inflation rate (under 5% for the remainder of the administration) sparked record economic growth, and produced one of the lowest unemployment rates in modern U.S. history (unemployment hit a 14 year low in June of 1988). As Reagan left office, the nation was experiencing its sixth consecutive year of economic prosperity." Rob- "sorry, which part of that was supposed to make me thing reagan was a good president? I didn't see any positive achievements there" ... Rob... don't be an idiot.

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  62. that reminds me

    how much stronger has the grip of judaity grown over the Aryan over the past day? let me check my meter:

    0.02 IJU

    Alright, less than a fifth of a tenth of an International Jew Unit, not more than usual growth.

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  63. Something that's always confused me about Neo-Nazi types: if the Aryans are so superior to everyone else how can the Jews take over so easily?

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  64. 8:50, your and idiot. Don't forget to adjust the date range to a full 1948 to 2011 to see just how worthless Reagan's wholesale destruction of the US was.

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  65. @4:28, evil always wins over good because evil knows no boundaries.

    Aryans are still destined to lose but for a different reason to the one you're implying.

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  66. Different reason from, you dumb shit. I hate when people do that.

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  67. Rob, as a fatty, would you say that you're offended by Randall perpetuating an unrealistic standard of beauty by drawing all of his characters without an ounce of fat anywhere on their bodies?

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  68. Guys, I thought of something. If someone with an eidetic memory watches a movie in the theater, are they breaking copyright law? After all, they are making a perfect copy of it.

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  69. Only if they sell it.

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  70. I just read the map one and looked up the gall-peter projection on wikipedia.

    XKCD is already mentioned in the page.

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  71. @ Anon 7:13



    Why does everyone think that the level of English is the most accurate indication of someone's intelligence?

    On the Internet, making a grammar error makes you some sort of retard, and everyone likes to go round correcting every mistake they see, because they'll be seen a geniuses.

    You think people who use text speak on facebook walls are idiots? If you actually had any non-idiot friends, you'd know that a lot of intelligent, educated people use text speak.

    From my experience, those who type properly with caps and punctuation are mostly pseudointellectual drop outs, artistic liberals, etc.

    On the other hand, being bad at math is totally cool: "I'm so terrible at math I can't even add lololol," when mathematical ability correlates directly with intelligence, and skipping it serves no intelligible purpose.

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  72. I'm not anonymous, you dumb shit. And I'm better at math than you.

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  73. Also, I just realized I responded to a shitty meme in the worst way possible. Fuck you all.

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  74. HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS THAT WAS ACTUALLY A VERY APPROPRIATE RESPONSE

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  75. gahh. 4:49, lets just post a segment from which 6:50 had undoubtedly taken from here; http://www.reagan.utexas.edu/archives/reference/pressketch.html
    "Although inflation dropped from 13.5% in 1980 to 5.1% in 1982, a severe recession set in, with unemployment exceeding 10% in October, 1982 for the first time in forty years. The administration modified its economic policy after two years by proposing selected tax increases and budget cuts to control rising deficits and higher interest rates. After the 1982 downturn, the reduced inflation rate (under 5% for the remainder of the administration) sparked record economic growth, and produced one of the lowest unemployment rates in modern U.S. history (unemployment hit a 14 year low in June of 1988). As Reagan left office, the nation was experiencing its sixth consecutive year of economic prosperity."
    This only being one (major) accomplishment of Reagan's presidency, so before making blanket statements about one of the greatest presidents since Lincoln (although I'm sure you have a problem with him too) just do a bit of non-biased research into what he had actually done as a whole, and it will in return, lead you too conclude with the wise. That in-fact, he really wasn't a lousy fuck. And at the same time making you less of one! Everybody wins!!!

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  76. Fuck you and your wall of text.

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  77. That's all fine and good, but I think the one question on everybody's mind is: What does a girl look like naked?

    Am I right, guys?

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  78. We all know that now, except Robdall and the cuddlefish. Also, all of our political enemies, whoever those may be.

    BTW, I never got the sense that Reagan was so terrible… he wasn't incredibly bad or anything… I'm a heavy liberal, by the way.

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  79. Rob the source of that Reagan sex story is the Daily Mail, you should be ashamed of yourself.

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  80. I know for a fact that Reagan has excellent sexual prowess. One time he had sex with me and I orgasmed at least four times before I had even woken up.

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  81. A genie's lamp. A thermometer. An arrow. Some juggling balls. And now, a sail.

    976 is nothing but the latest in an unfunny series of dialogue-free xkcds from 2011 that center around recognisable objects not working in the way that we would expect them to.

    Whoop-de-fucking-doo.

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  82. Penile burnination, you Yankee dumb fuck, "different to" is perfectly common outside the Dying Empire. It's less formal than "different from" but we've not all just completed an application for our first Big Boy school, OK, kid?

    Also, race traitor! Niggerlover! etc.

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  83. The title of the latest comic sounds suspiciously similar to 'carcinogenesis'. My guess is that Randall still has cancer on the brain.

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  84. The scroll lock and Steven Chu pages on Wikipedia have already been randalised multiple times.

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  85. Megan cancer milking alert level [ orange ]November 16, 2011 at 5:09 AM

    Goodbye Janet Doe
    Though I never knew you at all
    You had the grace to wear your wig
    While those around you scrawled
    They scrawled into MSPaint
    And they whispered into your brain
    They set you on the milk pump
    And they made you change your name

    chorus:
    And it seems to me that you're Randall's wife
    A mistake but not a sin
    Having no real man to cling to
    When Big C set in
    And I would have liked to have bought you
    But I was just outbid
    Your bosom burned out long before
    Your potential to be milked for sympathy by a failing comic who desperately needs a new creative angle and to look like more than a big kid with no real responsibilities ever did

    Stick figure female geek was tough
    The toughest role you ever played
    Randall created a superstar
    And pain was the price you paid
    Even when you died
    Oh the trolls still hounded you
    All the hate blogs had to say
    Was that Megan was found lactating

    [repeat chorus]

    Goodbye Janet Doe
    Though I never knew you at all
    You had the grace to wear your wig
    While those around you scrawled

    From the young man browsing xkcdsucks
    Who sees you as something more than sexual
    More than just our Megan Munroe

    [repeat chorus]

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  86. @1:00
    Less formal to, you dumb shit.

    Captcha: bedlevi

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  87. william henry harrison was the greatest american president. anyone who disagrees does, in fact, suck cocks.

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  88. I am the Prince of Personality.

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  89. I thought today's Penny Arcade was actually pretty funny for a change.

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  90. That's because u a samefag!!!

    -Posting below this line makes you a cancerous samefag-

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  91. Somebody drink my urine. Please, please, someone drink my urine.

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  92. urine more like MYine

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  93. Urine moar lyk SAMEFAG.

    I hope the next comic strip of Munroe is about Black Hat Guy being a SAMEFAG involving bingo.

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  94. LOL omg too funny guys best comments section ever, MIAOW!

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  95. Rob, I insist you use your Administrator's Privileges to remove this riff raff. Because Administrator's Privileges are obviously a thing you have, but are holding out on us, what with all the Administrating you've done here like selectively delete comments of people who disagree with you.

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  96. Rob, I insist you use your fat to squash this riff raff. Because rolling layers of fat is obviously a thing you have, because you drown us in it several times a week when you can be bothered to hit "post"

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  97. DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS

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  98. i just farted but i think maybe i shat myself a little i'm too scared to check

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  99. It is a mystery

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  100. The best thing about kissing trannies is many of them have low self esteem so they'll just take the rejection when you're in the mood for a real woman.

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  101. Yes, people of low self-esteem take rejection well.

    Idiot.

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  102. Who agrees that penile burnination is the biggest pussy currently posting on xkcd sucks?

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  103. Does anybody else feel like this is the beginning of the end?

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  104. The end if at 1000. If Randy doesn't quit by then, then I will. IRL permaban.

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  105. New comic is basically Randall turning his guns on himself, yes?

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  106. ThePirateKing said...
    Aw man, and here I wrote a review that involved the lake and bubbles being made from megan's breast milk.

    Why are you guys so OBSESSED with the milk coming from Randall Munroe's girlfriend? Is your jealousy what makes you hate him?



    Rob said...
    i also know that he was a lousy fuck

    November 14, 2011 7:02 PM

    Come on, don't you have anything that resembles a reason? Something objective like "he did this to the US economy, that to the US society, that other thing to the international society"... otherwise you sound like a child in a tantrum.

    Just saying.

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  107. Is it common for children in tantrums to be extremely casual and largely indifferent?

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  108. "Come on, don't you have anything that resembles a reason? Something objective like "he did this to the US economy, that to the US society, that other thing to the international society"... otherwise you sound like a child in a tantrum."

    look, i fucked him
    and it was awful
    what more do you want

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