Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Comic 933: Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer

tattoo

[Comic title: tattoo; alt text: I calculate that the electrons in radiation therapy hit you at 99.8% of the speed of light, and the beam used in a 90-second gamma ray therapy session could, if fired with less precision, kill a horse (they did not let me test this).]

I guess Randy is trying to make cancer sound badass or something? Jesus Christ. Is this supposed to be funny? Are we supposed to laugh at this description of radiation therapy? Or are we supposed to be like 'DUDE SO INTENSE I WANT CANCER NOW?' What the fuck is the goddamn point of this festering shit pile?

I wasn't actually expecting Randy to make so damn many cancer comics. Maybe one every now and then. But this much? I'm left with the conclusion that Randy has decided to make xkcd a cancer webcomic.

This isn't unprecedented. In fact, Mom's Cancer, a webcomic which was expressly about someone's mother's cancer, was created in 2004. There have been some other internet projects which are basically documenting a disease. It's the sort of thing I'm quite confident Randy has come across before. And these projects are often touching and insightful looks at terminal or chronic illnesses.

I don't know why Randy has made this decision, or if these are the only two cancer comics he'll make ever again (but, I mean, come on). It could be that he is cynically hoping to generate a larger audience by trolling for sympathy. Maybe he thinks that this project is putting a new spin on it somehow, or otherwise that it is a legitimately interesting place for him to take his (and I use the word loosely here) art.

What I do know is that if this is Randy's idea of an interesting take on the subject, we are in for a shitty, shitty ride.

There are two ways this can go. Either he eventually alienates his readership, causing them to quietly file out while he keeps making comics where Megan is declaring that "I HAVE DISCOVERED HOW TO LIVE FOREVER" because cancer cells are immortal, or XKCD fanboys just suddenly become cancer enthusiasts. The XKCD store will be full of t-shirts that say "man, fuck cancer," with the word "seriously" on the back, or shirts and prints which bear the dot pattern that Megan has on her chest. Prints of the terrible infographics he produces like the lanes comic, and the forthcoming Map of Cancer. There will be astrological and geographical puns about Cancer and the tropic thereof.

Either way, sanctimonious fanboys will continue to berate us for having the gall to dislike xkcd while Randy has something bad going on in his life.

On an unrelated note: does anyone else get the impression that Randy actually thinks barbed wire tattoos are hardcore?

190 comments:

  1. Rob, I think you're missing the point with this one. You're forgetting that Randall's fiancee has cancer. Read it again with that in mind and it'll make more sense.

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  2. I was going to post this in the previous post's thread in response to that final forumite's comment, so fuck you rob for posting on time for once in your fat miserable life.

    People who lack even the slightest bit of knowledge about fiscal policy (or even worse, know only the slightest bit) and comment on economic matters are the most idiotic group of piece-of-shit assholes to ever stride the earth. Yes, assface, that's exactly how inflation works.

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  3. As long as Randall doesn't start posting goatse he won't be alienating readership. It's hard to do that with a webcomic that doesn't have a plot and takes five seconds three times a week to read.

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  4. Also randall wouldn't think barbed wire is hardcore unless there's a faggy linux joke involved

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  5. @7:50 Anon:

    You do realize this blog is made up pretty much entirely of alienated XKCD readers, right?

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  6. Ves,
    Something like this?
    http://www.tattoofunclub.com/wp-content/gallery/binary-tattoos/binary-linux-tattoos-for-girls.jpg

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  7. Bro, he's dealing with cancer in his family atm, give him a fucking break.

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  8. Actually, despite normally facepalming three times a week upon typing those 8 (sometimes 4) characters into the awesomebar, I thought this was pretty good.
    Good enough for it to be a really, tremendously shitty SMBC.

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  9. "Maybe he thinks that this project is putting a new spin on it somehow, or otherwise that it is a legitimately interesting place for him to take his (and I use the word loosely here) art."

    I think you left an "f" off the start of the final word there.

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  10. The true story behind the comic is probably his girlfriend going "hey, check out my awesome tattoo" and him going "haha you're so brave and sexy it's too bad about your allergy to all forms of intimate contact from anybody except Dr. Henry" while thinking "I can use this concept. Oh, the things I will do with this concept."

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  11. hey, farts can be funny

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  12. It's gonna be like xkcd 684, except he'll be saying MY GIRLFRIEND WHO HAS CANCER.

    Also, I feel we are closer than ever to being able to literally describe xkcd as "the cancer that is killing the internet".

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  13. Six dots on her chest? The only possible explanation is that Megan is a dog and she was spayed too early.

    (And that Randy, in denial, has made up an elaborate cancer story to explain the extra four.)

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  14. This strip shows what a self-centred asshole Randall really is. At no stage during any episode-of-serious-shit have I suddenly decided that everyone else should be unhappy and put their whimsy in the context of whatever it is I am going through.

    Indeed, one great part of growing up is that serious problems don't trigger the "OMG crisis everyone stop!" - they may induce strong emotions but you deal with them carefully and calmly. Randy, of course, has not grown up. And this strip is either an extremely cynical way of milking his audience or an expression of his reinforcing his child-like behaviour.

    Let me put it bluntly, Randall, you stupid fuck: 1 in 3 people get cancer. Almost everyone by his late 20s will know someone in their extended family or circle of friends and colleagues who has endured non-trivial cancer. It's not like cancer is a single specific disease: it's an umbrella term to describe shit going wrong at a cellular level and that wrongness spreading.

    It is difficult to make general statements about cancer, except perhaps that ignorant, emotional laymen tend to view cancer almost religiously as some sort of demon. Randall's recent writing exposes him for what he is: an ignorant, emotional layman. Like "government" to a libertardian or "businessman" to a pinko, the word "cancer" is a trigger for the simple.

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  15. That disembodied head with a blank face against a black background is really fucking creepy.

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  16. It's like it's killing the parts of her that are holding her back from going beyond the normal and turn into a superhero or some shit. But actually it's just going to kill parts that make her back to our level. She's below us, guys. Look down.

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  17. If anything Anon 9:02, Randall needs xkcd sucks more than ever. We are the only constant in his life right now.

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  18. When my grandad was dieing I was working in a call centre. I was working whilst he was in hospital and then when it got so serious that they knew there was nothing more they could do, I took a few days off work to visit him and get my mind straight.

    I feel like what Randall's doing would be like me going into work every day and during every call somehow manageing to awkwardly mention that currently a relative of mine was going through cancer. I could force the issue into the calls, but it'd be awkward, out of place, not really relevant and I don't think it would help in any way.

    I can understand cancer being on his mind but putting it in his comics isn't helping him and it's certainly not making me want to read XKCD: Cancer stories.

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  19. I fucked a cancer once.

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  20. What bothers me isn't the cancer (it's no taboo) or that it's juvenile to whine to everyone in the universe about your drab, depressing life (it's a webcomic evolved from some kid doodling in his notebooks). What bothers me is the sanctimonious "educational" attitude posing as a sense of wonder.

    I just learned something about cancer and I'm going to share it with all you jerks who, like me, couldn't have known anything about cancer twelve minutes ago. Oh, thank you!

    And fuck cancer? Seriously? Oh, I thought cancer was fun! My mistake.

    This is how you deal with cancer, though:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQdp2NMEx8U

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  21. Speaking as someone who has recovered from cancer, I just want to say that Randall is an idiot.

    It's not relevant that I recovered from cancer, but I thought I'd follow Randall's example and mention it anyway.

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  22. Here's a fun game: Try to guess what the next cancer comic will be.

    I'm thinking a crappy Google trend graph for the phrase "My [x] has cancer."

    Then he'll have several values for x that go from serious to cuh-razy:
    Wife, mother, best friend, colon, pet dog, teddy bear, half-eaten sandwich, cancer, Linux partition

    Hilarity ensues, forumites nerdgasm

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  23. Google hits for "Fuck [disease]".

    Cause we must know which disease is the sexiest.

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  24. Probably a drawing of Megan's vagina in the first frame, and the next three frames just have the word "CANCER" in them, and the last one says, "CANCER, BITCHES." And to make them look more emo, the words will be in white and the background will be black.

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  25. @Timofei "Fuck me" gives 41.6 million. It turns out I am a very sexy disease.

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  26. Assholery and stupidness aside, I HATE that "glaring close-up" panel. I get seriously puzzled wondering if Randall truly thinks that the faceless characters are an "awesome trademark of awesome", or if he realises how awfully ugly they can look but realises that, if he starts drawing faces now, a lot of fans will be way too shocked.

    On second thought, if Randall drew even the most simplistic smiley-face on one of his characters, the sycophantic fans would go nuts with "THATS AWESOME RANDALL IS A REAL ARTIST".

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  27. I saw a cancer the other day.
    Horrible creatures, I avoid them whenever I can.

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  28. Hey Rob can I send in a guest review of the latest Penny Arcade comic because I felt it read just like a shitty XKCD? The one about Mass Effect 3? I'll pretend like it's another one of Randall's "gurlz r tough gaiz!" abortions in the review. That's, like, satire man. Maybe it'll be funny!

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  29. @Funky
    You really think that comic is a statement about women?

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  30. One day, I was in some local hipster clothing store that had a line of zodiac-themed shirts for babies that said "scorpio baby" or "libra baby", etc. One of them didn't seem to be selling very well...


    [hint: there is a zodiac sign called CANCER omg did u ever think about that??? the zodiac hates Randy.]

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  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  32. @Anon 8:57

    no, but it seems churned out and XKCD-quality. Panel 2 and 3 are both "Are you a bimbo?" "No, I will beat you up!" And that's the punchline. It reads like yet another one of Randal's comics in which the superior female stick figure belittles or outsmarts or turns out to be more sensible than her male stick figure companion. Yet another one of Randall's comics about how funny female-on-male abuse is. Okay, except PA's was female-on-female, but still.

    Well, now that I rethink it, I guess it's a statement on the perception of BLOND women. Since that's literally what the comic is about; people perceiving blond femshep as stupid and unfit to be the official femshep. And making an unfunny comic about how blond women can be intelligent, tough individuals seems like something Randall would do.

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  33. He has a thing for pioneering feminism in his little stick-figure comic, and doing it poorly. See the recent one about the zombie scientist, and the Porn For Women comic.

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  34. Looks like you just posted your review right there.

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  35. I thinks this one suffered from context. If it came out of nowhere, it might have been funny, but we already were thinking "cancer Cancer CANCER Cancer CANCER Cancer cancer" so it just isn't that impactful. Also, he should remove the last panel. The black panel is the punchline.

    It's kind of "A Softer World"-esque without the last panel, albeit a bit wordy.

    I have to disagree with Fernie, in that I think the facelessness, for once, might actually be a positive in the closeup in this one.

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  36. Funky, did you read the journal thing Tycho puts up? The comic was a reaction to stuff like this, where people bizarrely complain that having the default female Shepard be blonde demeans her character, because that would make her a bimbo.

    I don't think the comic is about feminism, it is just about the absurdity of that point of view.

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  37. Randall's fiancee has cancerAugust 4, 2011 at 11:04 AM

    Finance a nerd hell as a C scar?

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  38. I am undergoing chemo and this latest comic is making me want to give up.

    (Not that I actually have to do much beyond turn up. Chemo is like pregnancy: its tiresome but mostly you just rest and let things take their course.)

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  39. And now, my impression of nearly everybody that posts here:

    Waaahhhhhhh! I'm being forced to read this comic! Waaahhhhhhh!There is nothing else for me to do on the internet but read this thing that I hate so mucH! I'm a loser and I have no liiiiiiiefffeee Mooommmeeeeee it huuuurrrrttttsss wwaaaaahhhahahahahahaaaaaaaa!

    Thank you. And fuck you too.

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  40. @11:33: Because you're dying of cancer I won't point out the missed apostrophe.

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  41. 11:33 poor troll, 2.5/10. Did your career guidance counsellor never tell you to tailor the material to the destination?

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  42. Also: If a comic on the internet is making you want to give up chemo, you really need to re-examine your priorities in life. And maybe join a therapy group on the side. And definitely grow the hell up.

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  43. 11:34, I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you over the childish whining emanating from the rest of this site. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an actual life I need to go back to, while you all stay here and gripe endlessly about some meaningless webcomic that nobody is forcing you to read. Guess which of us has their heads on straight, Skeezix.

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  44. @11:34: The "I came here to complain about people complaining" whine is addressed in one of the rants top-left, I believe.

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  45. 11:36, I am going to stab you through the heart.

    (Please feel free to take that response seriously too, in the manner befitting aspie cuddlefish. Let the hate flow through you.)

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  46. Everything posted since 11:04 has been by Anonymous and is therefore of no value and not worth reading.

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  47. This comment doesn't add anything of value to this page, instead adding to the pointless Anonymous drabble.

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  48. This comment, on the other hand, is clearly more meaningful than the last few.

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  49. The depressing thing is that I would actually be happy if Randall were suffering over Megan's cancer, but I know he's just producing this shit for attention and profit.

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  50. You are now aware that you almost certainly have a common ancestor less than 20 generations ago with your partner.

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  51. Cockfaggot, are you available?

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  52. haha 12:56 as if anyone here has a partner

    remember we are all too devoted to reading each xkcd comic a thousand times to spot minor flaws

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  53. What are your terms, Eff Greg?

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  54. Non-stop oral sex, please.

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  55. And your consideration?

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  56. Never mind. I'm going to go for someone who doesn't ask so many questions.

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  57. I'm just going to point out, though it's obvious to most. All the posts from 11:33 to 12:58 are by the same person. Look at the timestamps.

    Also, I liked 933.

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  58. Don't call me Also.

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  59. It was obvious to me, Jon.

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  60. C'mon guys, noone likes these stupid name gags.

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  61. You're right Ann

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  62. It's true, Mrs. Apolis, they are hilarious.

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  63. I hope everyone who reads xkcd and enjoys it gets cancer and dies.

    There, that ought to keep the dipshits busy.

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  64. Cancers Love to F...August 4, 2011 at 8:07 PM

    Because someone had to make this joke.

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  65. Fuck you cancer, you beat me to it

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  66. Pardon the lateness: http://oi53.tinypic.com/2daljma.jpg

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  67. Is this where I preen smugly because I use Opera and somebody mentioned browsers? I think so.

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  68. xkcd mentioned browsers. You know, the centerpiece of this entire Godforsaken blog. I love it and I love this blog I am so confused.

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  69. 934: Did you notice the subtle gag that the stick figures are indistinguishable because they are featureless stick figures lololol? On a more serious note, though, following is an incomplete list of things that are not done in browser: file management, watching films, editing videos, playing games, all the Office things like text documents and graphs, computer security... oh yeah, and DRAWING FRIGGING WEBCOMICS! Seriously, how do you fuck THAT up?

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  70. @anon 11:48
    Watching Films: Hulu, Crackle, Netflix, etc
    Playing Games: Millions of Flash games, java games runescape
    office things: google docs

    need I go on?

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  71. >file management

    Okay, you can't do this in a browser, for pretty good reason. Unless you've got a Chromebook, but that's an exception that exists since with a Chromebook you've only got a browser.

    >watching films
    You can watch films on YouTube now! Watching films you already own/have copies of on your file system, no, you probably want to do that with a proper media player.

    >editing videos
    You can, to an extent, also do this on Youtube- cutting and pasting together clips, anyway. There's also that ridiculous/annoying 'xtranormal' thing people like to use. Certainly nothing as sophisticated as actual video editing software, though.

    >playing games
    Sure you can, unless you only count things like GTA and Modern Warfare as 'games', there's plenty of games you can play in the browser and entire archives (like kongregate) dedicated to the concept.

    >all the Office things like text documents and graphs

    Google Docs is pretty great stuff and is quite capable nowadays. It's largely sufficient for doing most things with- although I'm not a huge fan of leaving my private documents with Google.

    >computer security
    If you do everything through a browser you don't really need it. Antivirus software and firewalls largely exist to protect you from the 'running attachments you get in emails' kind of computer security threats. Although browsers have vulnerabilities now and will likely continue to have vulnerabilities in the future, people are far more likely to be tricked into running something in native code.

    >oh yeah, and DRAWING FRIGGING WEBCOMICS!

    Heard of oekaki?

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  72. Okay, I'll grant you all that, but what I meant by the webcomics thing was that Randy obviously doesn't do his own webcomic exclusively in-browser (and I can't imagine that many others actually do), which makes me wonder how he arrived at the conclusion featured in this latest comic.

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  73. >Watching Films: Hulu, Crackle, Netflix, etc

    What are these things? Do they work anywhere outside of the USA?

    >Playing Games: Millions of Flash games, java games runescape

    If these are your examples, you're not making a good case for yourself.

    >Heard of oekaki?

    No. I don't know a single webcomic drawn using only a browser. Except for those terrible "rage comics" people make.

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  74. Another xkcd comic that written a few years before may have been topical.

    Also the point he makes is not true in any way and not funny either.

    (Alt Text) That's his idea of fun?!?

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  75. topical

    maybe next week randy'll make a joke about kanye west

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  76. Let me watch this is a good place for movies. I think it works outside of America, too, since a lot of comments on the videos aren't in English. Or maybe everyone there is just very cultured.

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  77. The best part was the link to 383. I didn't realise Randall had driven a woman to suicide.

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  78. Dudes, I don't know about Macs but Windows bases its interface on Internet Explorer and has been doing so for a very long time. Just because you don't specifically open up your browser to do things doesn't mean you're not using a browser.

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  79. 8:38 -

    Please reconsider what the word 'browser' means.

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  80. Guys, did you know that Kindles are based on printed books, and have been for a very long time? Just because you don't specifically open up a printed book to read things doesn't mean you're not reading one.

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  81. Yes it does. For it to be a printed book, it would have to be physically printed with ink.

    A kindle is just digital text.

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  82. A Kindle is a method and apparatus for Amazon to pocket 65% of the sale price by offering a download rather than a combination of physical printers, promoters and distributors to get a little more.

    Also good luck holding two pages open at once; or scribbling an illustrative diagram in the margin; or reading in the bath; or picking up the material you just dropped...

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  83. Jesus Christ you guys are retarded. I was mocking 8:38's ridiculous claim. No-one actually thinks a Kindle is the same as a printed book.

    Idiots everywhere.

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  84. 12:04 wow you are so stupid, seriously.

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  85. 12:05 = 8:38 = retard

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  86. 8:38, are you confusing windows explorer with internet explorer?
    Because they are two different things.

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  87. "8:38, are you confusing windows explorer with internet explorer?
    Because they are two different things."

    I don't know if they're still integrated, but there was a time when Windows Explorer was in fact built around Internet Explorer.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Windows_Explorer#Windows_98_and_Windows_Desktop_Update

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  88. Windows explorer is somewhat browser-like, but it's not really 'integrated' with internet explorer. It's a file browser, similar to mac's "finder", I believe, just with a less retarded name.

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  89. XKCD Sucks Master List of Generalizations:

    - Everything Randall writes is an insincere ploy to expand his readership or force his opinions upon his readership.

    - As "victims" of Randall's comic, former XKCD followers are entitled to revenge.

    - XKCD Sucks followers are "survivors," and the last bastion of hope against Randall's onslaught of comics.

    - Randall deserves nothing less than heartless mockery and complete hatred. Only a deluded fanatic would disagree.

    - If you hate XKCD hard enough, you can change it.

    This website is very silly, but I hope it fulfills a need in your lives. Without a webcomic to hate, you might turn to racism or homophobia. We should all thank Rob for his tireless work to prevent hate crimes. Blog on, troubled souls.

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  90. I hate the term "homophobia." That implies that I'm frightened of fags.

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  91. Hey, fuck you. We are capable of being racist homophobes while simultaneously hating shitty webcomics.

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  92. @ALT-F Oh, you think you're so clever that you've discovered my real name. Well, it's supposed to be obvious. It's just to put the stupider info-collecting bots off the track. I'm very cautious on the Internet.

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  93. Fact: Xkcd has no black characters.
    Fact: Randall aims xkcd at the supposed "intellectual" people of the world.

    Randall believes black people are intellectually inferior. He provides no characters for them to relate to (microfact: black people can only relate to black people), besides the obviously mentally crippled "black" hat man.
    Therefore: Randall is a racist.

    Fact: Many of Randall's comics deal with women's rights.
    Fact: Randall often portrays men in a negative light.

    Randall believes homosexual men are an atrocity (2 men is twice the negativity). While he puts women on a pedestal, the equally effeminate (fact) homosexual male is not mentioned at all. Comic 631 (considered the greatest xckd by fans and non-fans) not only does not show a penis, but does not show two strong and proud homosexuals engaging in sodomy.
    Therefor: Randall is a homophobe.

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  94. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  95. Another fact is I have no friends.

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  96. IN A STICK FIGURE COMIC
    EVERY CHARACTER IS BLACK

    THEREFORE

    RANDALL HATES WHITE PEOPLE
    AND NOSES

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  97. @Gamer_2k4, ThePirateKing

    Windows Explorer and Internet Explorer used to be integrated before Vista. After that they were kept separate for security reasons. It was one of the few things that Vista did right.

    Still on any machine running XP, type a URL beginning with http:// in the address bar of Windows Explorer, and it transforms into, *dun dun DUNN* IE6.

    And it's also a 'system folder' - what the hell's up with that? No Microsoft, Internet Explorer is not a system folder any more than my sofa is a room in my house.

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  98. @anon 1:06 - spoken like a true nigger faggot.

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  99. UndercoverCuddlefishAugust 5, 2011 at 6:46 PM

    @rob
    time for rant number 9: cut randall some slack his fiancée has cancer

    also the name gag stampede is the only thing i have actually laughed at on this godforsaken site in months

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  100. Dude Rob is you let me submit a guest review of me pretending Penny Arcade is written by Randall, I promise to include lots of Megan jokes. It'll be great.

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  101. Rob, your critique is awful. I used to love coming here (even though I also love xkcd) because occasionally you had something useful or insightful to say about the webcomic. But recently your comentary has degraded to the point that what you have to say is nothing more than, to use your terms, a "festering shit pile". Your thoughts are moronic and offensive, possibly you have put even less effort into this than Randall does into his works, and the fact that you have slammed every single one of his cancer comics - which I think many of us found very touching - makes me hate your soul. Even your asinine attempts to rip off BTAF's antics don't amuse me anymore. Please stop doing this until you actually have something a little more than 3rd grade profanity to offer us.

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  102. .su reffo ot ytinaforp edarg dr3 naht erom elttil a gnihtemos evah yllautca uoy litnu siht gniod pots esaelP .eromyna em esuma t'nod scitna s'FATB ffo pir ot stpmetta eninisa ruoy nevE .luos ruoy etah em sekam - gnihcuot yrev dnuof su fo ynam kniht I hcihw - scimoc recnac sih fo eno elgnis yreve demmals evah uoy taht tcaf eht dna ,skrow sih otni seod lladnaR naht siht otni troffe ssel neve tup evah uoy ylbissop ,evisneffo dna cinorom era sthguoht ruoY ."elip tihs gniretsef" a ,smret ruoy esu ot ,naht erom gnihton si yas ot evah uoy tahw taht tniop eht ot dedarged sah yratnemoc ruoy yltnecer tuB .cimocbew eht tuoba yas ot lufthgisni ro lufesu gnihtemos dah uoy yllanoisacco esuaceb )dckx evol osla I hguoht neve( ereh gnimoc evol ot desu I .lufwa si euqitirc ruoy ,boR

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  103. @10:00: "every single one of his cancer comics - which I think many of us found very touching"

    You are worse than people who find Himmler's speeches "touching" for having the courage to deal with the Jewish question.

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  104. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GIVE YOUR PARTNER TOO MANY X-RAYS TO CHECK THE DUCTS FOR MILK PRODUCTION RANDALL YOU STUPID FUCK.

    Also who wants to bet that Randall did use radioactive paint or some short wavelength emitting scientific device in weird sex play with Megan's breasts?

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  105. 3:10, their faces are white. But yeah he hates noses though

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  106. What xkcd 933 should have said according to RecoveringCancerPatient.

    That is all.

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  107. This comic's wording is suspiciously similar in style to A Softer World. I wonder if he's going for another "pastiche"-AKA-ripoff.

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  108. The gypsies ate my hedgehog.

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  109. 3:48 I love you. This is going on the noticeboard over the printout the local cuddlefish always puts up.

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  110. Megan is dating a man with a barbed wire tatoo. This is Randal's revenge (feel the wrath)

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  111. the name gag stampedeAugust 6, 2011 at 6:42 AM

    Hey, fuck you UndercoverCuddlefish :( I have feelings too

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  112. Rob said:

    ".....There will be astrological and geographical puns about Cancer and the tropic thereof....."

    I can think of a wonderful pun on the "Delta Cancrids" myself though it be astronomical in origin.

    @ Leahcim August 5, 1:11 PM,

    Even the stupidest Hebrew-based Info-collecting bots would find you quick enough. The smarter ones would assume Leahcim is your real name - sounds Hebrew and all, yes?

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  113. ALT-F, I think you might be confusing terms there. Astronomy is what the stars tell us. Astrology is what we want the stars to tell us.

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  114. Subrahmanyan ChandrasekharAugust 6, 2011 at 9:04 AM

    no u

    ReplyDelete
  115. ALTF tastes deliciously anti-Semitic - not in the modern "I hate Israel" sense but in the good, old-fashioned "I am irrationally suspicious of Jews" way.

    ReplyDelete
  116. @3:48: Where did you get the xkcd font? Also, lol.

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  117. @9:06 - Hebrew-based because it's written right to left, dude.

    Although given she's anti-Caucasoid she's probably anti-Semitic too, in a vague, ill-defined way.

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  118. @ Jon,

    No confusion. I want the stars to tell me my Delta of Venus is pretty - albeit with an astronomical level of cancroid-ness.

    @ Anonymous 9:06 AM,

    Like Anonymous 9:32 says.

    @ Anonymous 9:32 AM,

    It is not that I'm anti-Caucasoid, it's that I am against Europids - ostensibly because the word 'Europid' is so dorky.

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  119. This is the impression I'm getting of anon1000, also my gift to Rob on this the glorious anniversary of his partial mummification.

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  120. Shut up Ravenzomg.

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  121. She's back!

    But is it the same Ravenzomg? We may never know.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer Mushroom Mushroom

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  123. Jon Levi: Different profile. So technically I could be an imposter. And by "technically" I mean "the profile dates back to July 2011 and the real Raven is probably long gone except for registered ventures into IRC".

    ReplyDelete
  124. The real Raven was also far worse at putting together sentences that weren't full of homophonic [spell-check suggests: homophobic] errors.

    ReplyDelete
  125. There needs to be a way to change all comments listed as Anonymous to have the display name of ALTF.

    ReplyDelete
  126. @11:56: 4 is the display name index, so you can achieve what you want by hitting ALT-F4. I've already done that for this post so you don't have to.

    I miss IRC...

    ReplyDelete
  127. africa has niggers
    china has it's chinkies
    all the word join hands with me
    and tug on my dinky
    oy oy oy
    europe has it's wankers
    america it's cunts
    Rob is a fatty
    and ALTF a dunce
    all the world join hands with me
    and tug on my dinky
    oy oy oy




    PS. Rob you are bare fat and you well need a diet.
    PPPPPPPPPPS. ALTF i still wunt 2 ride your bottom like a thorpe park attraction.

    PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPS. Rob get some milk while you are out. you fat shit

    ReplyDelete
  128. "Jon Levi: Different profile. So technically I could be an imposter. And by "technically" I mean "the profile dates back to July 2011 and the real Raven is probably long gone except for registered ventures into IRC".

    FWIW, the original profile of Ravenzomg is re-enabled, though it's not publicly accessible right now.

    Her email address account is closed, though, so...who knows.

    ReplyDelete
  129. Why the collective obsession with the whereabouts of Ravenzomg? Was she the blog bike or something?

    ReplyDelete
  130. Shut up, Raven was twice the person you'll ever be, anonymous.

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  131. @7:34
    "It's" means "it is," you dumb shit.

    ReplyDelete
  132. I feel sorry for people who do not possess the capacity for satire and mockery. Go read some fucking Voltaire. But then again I imagine the brainwashed of the Church thought Voltaire was a "sad soul" and a "childish whiner."

    (With apologies to Voltaire and the Church.)

    ReplyDelete
  133. fuck off you altf wannabe

    ReplyDelete
  134. Why the collective obsession with the whereabouts of Ravenzomg? Was she the blog bike or something?

    Well, *I* care because she was one half of the writing team of XKCD SUCKS, the other (and arguably better) xkcd hate blog. Now I have to write all the reviews myself.

    Can't speak for the others.

    ReplyDelete
  135. the collective obsession with Raven amounts to the fact that as far as prolific posters on xkcdsucks go, she was much more tolerable than ALTF.

    Which isn't really much of an accomplishment, but still.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Obviously, anyone with tits on the internet will be coveted by the virginal blog regulars.

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  137. The importance of the towel can be understood. In order to grasp the thin air only after washing your hands, please try to imagine every single time reaching for the towel. Initially embarrassed for your lack of towel. I understand that lack. Life without a rack next to the vanity top is truly frustrating experience.
    Accessibility is a feature of modern society. When we need it desperately, where is the ubiquitous towel? That is; if we need to dry our hands after washing them, it should not escape us. These racks are to have access to the towel, that is their main feature. Spend a day without the rack, and you are connected; you may not understand otherwise when it comes to discomfort and dissatisfaction.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Buzz @ 9:25-



    Why does everyone think that the level of English is the most accurate indication of someone's intelligence?

    On the Internet making a grammar error makes you some sort of retard, and everyone likes to go round correcting every mistake they see, because that they will be seen a geniuses.

    You think people who use text speak on facebook walls are idiots? If you actually had any non idiot friends you'd know a lot of intelligent, educated people, use text speak.

    From my experience those who type properly with caps and punctuation are mostly pseudointellectual drop outs, artistic liberals etc.

    On the other hand being bad at math is totally cool. "I'm so terrible at math can't even add lol", when mathematical ability correlates pretty strongly with intelligence.

    ReplyDelete
  139. RavenNeverExistedAugust 7, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    @Anonymouse 8:11, If this place were Cheers, Raven would be Coach Ernie, which is to say mildly interesting while on the main show, but now dead.

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  140. Jesus Christ.

    Get a freaking life.

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  141. This really just validates 111's claim, but to be fair I never claimed to possess one of these "lives" everyone keeps talking about.

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  142. If you use text speak on Facebook while at they keyboard nobody will ever love you. They might have sex with you, they might even marry you if they get you pregnant, but they will never truly love you.

    Captcha: dedening. The process your soul goes through once you start typing text speak on any interface that isn't a phone's number pad.

    ReplyDelete
  143. 12:50
    actually the correct plural would be geniusi you philistine
    myeh

    ReplyDelete
  144. @12:50: Spoken like someone who envies those with a better grasp of language.

    FWIW (loltxtspk), the most eloquent writer of English I know is my mathematics PhD supervisor. The man is a seamless polyglot, always willing to expend the effort to make himself clear to peers and underlings. I try to follow his example.

    How does that fit into your prejudice?

    ReplyDelete
  145. xkcd Forums Bingo is back! Now appearing weekly on Hyphen.

    ReplyDelete
  146. I like that he thinks the phrase "artistic liberals" is on the same level as "pseudointellectual dropouts." Not sure what's meant to be insulting there.

    I always love when people try to defend their poor grasp of the English language as if it's not desirable to be able to accurately express ideas--as if the communication of concepts will happen regardless, so fluency is at best superfluous. Most of them seem to think that it's actually undesirable. Like language isn't a remarkable thing and a vitally important element of humanity, but is rather just some tool that they use only reluctantly--and God forbid they learn how to use it effectively.

    So they continue to perpetuate a world where people can't be bothered to communicate effectively, and then they get offended when people are unable to correctly interpret the barely-coherent sentences they hamfistedly string together, never once considering that maybe it's their own damn fault.

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  147. Just to be a pedantic ass:

    ... Most of them seem to think that it's actually undesirable, like language isn't a remarkable ...

    But yeah, I don't see how mathematical proficiency is any better than linguistic proficiency in determining someone's overall intelligence.

    ReplyDelete
  148. I dropped out of pseudointellectualism and have never regretted it.

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  149. "if this is Randy's idea of an interesting take on the subject, we are in for a shitty, shitty ride."

    I don't see why you're complaining... you apparently like that shitty ride enough as to take it about three times a week. Am I wrong?

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  150. It's less enjoying the shitty ride as it more enjoying throwing rocks at the people who enjoy the shitty ride.

    Also Megdall slash fics.

    ReplyDelete
  151. also that 'it' doesn't have an 'is' on it, so it's defective and it's going back to the shop

    ReplyDelete
  152. Raven about nothingAugust 7, 2011 at 6:22 PM

    Hi Norton, you must be new here.

    ReplyDelete
  153. "I don't see why you're complaining... you apparently like that shitty ride enough as to take it about three times a week. Am I wrong? "

    you're kind of contradicting yourself here. you say you don't see why I'm complaining, and then you say why I am complaining: because I enjoy it.

    ReplyDelete
  154. I typed http://example.com into Windows Explorer in XP... and it opened a new tab in Chrome.

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  155. Actually, I think the contradiction is in the fact of spending your time and energies in something which, for you, sucks. Not in my comment.

    If you enjoy it, again, I don't see why you're complaining. And yes, I only found this site recently. Am I missing something?

    ReplyDelete
  156. because I enjoy complaining about it, you fucking moron.

    ReplyDelete
  157. Norton, like the antivirus product, is the cure attempt that kills the patient.

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  158. It's nice to know that your zealous determination to hate xkcd, and your twisting around of each installment to suit your preconceived notion that they all suck, has not been affected by a little thing like the author's fiancée going through a horrific disease.

    Enjoy the circlejerk in the comments.

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  159. They do all suck though. An author's work should be criticized on its own merits, not the merits of its author.

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  160. plenty of people whose lives suck produce shitty art. am I supposed to like it because of that?

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  161. A fucking moron. Really.

    Well, that's a nice way to handle critique. I wonder what kind of words would you deserve from the xkcd guy or his followers if they reacted the same way you do.

    ReplyDelete
  162. it's not my fault you're mind-numbingly stupid, Norton

    ReplyDelete
  163. Yes, insulting in circles is another great way to argue, I'm amazed at the depth of your words. Also, you can keep doing it on and on...

    ReplyDelete
  164. Uh, I think at least 189 people must have radically missed the joke on this one. He's making fun of people who get tattoos and think that they're 'hardcore', because all they are is ink.

    ReplyDelete