Saturday, April 9, 2011

Comic 883: Randy Thinks He's Imaginative

[Today's guest post comes from someone who is maybe foreign, "Suiseki" or whatever. -Ed.]

Oh dear god. Oh dear god, Randall. Why, oh why, did you have to do this? I mean, I was perfectly fine. Xkcd wasn’t good, but it wasn’t unnaturally horrible. But now, now Randy, you’ve done this.

The first panel:

And it begins…

I can imagine people having this conversation. It sets things up, we’re not confused about what’s happening. But it’s so…strange. It seems like the guy isn’t conveying any emotion about his arm being hurt, for some reason. The guy seems like a shell of a person. Maybe the fact that he's soulless is part of the joke. But I doubt it...

In addition, the doctor asking if there’s any pain is kind of silly, she is a doctor and would know because of the chart stuffs, and also because the guy is fucking clutching his arm. It seems like the doctor is actually just a person in a labcoat playing doctor or something.

Second panel:

And it continues…

It’s been pointed out that the question most doctors ask is “How would you rate the pain, on a scale from one to ten, based on the worst pain you’ve experienced” instead of “can imagine.” Although this alone is a slight flaw, the joke would've been much funnier if “experienced” was used instead of "can imagine." Hell, let me get a crack at this.

Repeating…

Sure it’d be better if I cut some specific bits out, used Humor Sans, but eh. Someone more give-a-damny might do better.

So, missed opportunities based on misremembering the question/not caring.

Also, ZOMG MEGAN OUT OF NOWHERE.

About the third panel:

Repeating…Endlessly…

Some people seem to think this isn’t necessary. I believe that it’s designed to put emphasis on the “Worst pain I can imagine.” part of the line. Sure, nobody would ever actually say that, but I’m going to go ahead and say that this was a good idea. Try shooping that panel out: I’m sure you’ll find that you won’t get the joke on the first read through if you do that.

So, I disagree with the people who hate this panel. It isn’t natural, but clearly, neither is Randall-insert.

About the last panel:

Endlessly…Endlessly…

Doctors do not act like this. It would be more natural if Megan would have said something like “Randall, honey, say getting hit by a motorcycle is a 10,” "Come on. Don't bring your troubled past into this..." or “Randall, I’m leaving you. I’ve never really loved you.” (HAHA MEGAN JOKE I LOVE THIS.) I know it’s “xkcd style,” but it still kind of sucks. It seems like the characters step out of their roles, and that isn’t good. Characters should always be in their roles, at all times.

Why haven’t I seen that criticism before? Have I just missed it or something? Characters should always be in-character.

And now, things I can't be assed to put alone:

1) What’s with those white gaps between some panels and not others? It seems like the borders are all messed up and strange. I’m thinking Randall is being lazy. (I guess he IS lazy if he draws a stick figure webcomic, but still…)

2) Regarding panel 4 and onward: Hey, doesn’t his arm hurt? Why’d he stop clutching it? He can move it to his mouth and everything? Come on….Characters need to be in character AT ALL FUCKING TIMES.

...Randall, you're a famous webcomic-ist. You're a professional now. Fucking act like one.


Sincerely,
Suiseiseki.

239 comments:

  1. I don't understand why you do this

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  2. ".....It’s been pointed out that the question most doctors ask is “How would you rate the pain, on a scale from one to ten, based on the worst pain you’ve experienced” instead of “can imagine.”....."

    Quite incorrect my no doubt Cyrillic alphabet using friend. The question most asked by us doctors is: "Can you pay?" Followed closely by: "If not will you sue if I grope your genitals while you are sedated?"

    Innit?

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  3. Probably one of the best goatkcd strips ever.

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  4. I didn't find this comic too bad.. It could be the fact that I've been to doctors/hospitals more times than I can count, but I have no issue with the doctor/nurse's dialogue (this seems a lot more like the screening a nurse will perform before the doctor comes in, though a nurse really has no reason to wear a lab coat other than there is no other way for the comic to denote a medical professional). In the first panel the nurse is asking if there is any pain because they don't infer things based on what they see -- that would be terrible. They go off of what the patient reports to them. Maybe it would be more natural for her to ask, "Is your arm hurting?" but it's not terrible as it is. Also, doctors and nurses are in love with a 1-10 scale for pain, and I have heard "the worst pain you can think of" a number of times.. but in all honesty, they can usually ask people to rate pain on a scale of 1-10 and they would know what is meant by that. But of course for the sake of the joke the character misinterprets/thinks too deeply about it. As for the nurse's dialogue in the last panel, sure it's not something most people would say in real life, but it's a comic, where characters can say things like that with impunity (sometimes). It's an aside to Megan, probably in a low voice or whisper that the guy isn't supposed to hear.. and I'm sure there are people out there who would respond this way, as insensitive as it may seem.

    So, I don't think this is that bad of a comic, as far as xkcd goes. On a scale of 1 to the worst xkcd I can imagine... I don't know, it's probably 2 or something.

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  5. Dearest Gertie,

    Yours is not to understand why.
    Yours is but to comment and cry.

    That is, of course, not to say that...
    Someone had blunder'd.
    Theirs not to make reply,
    Theirs not to reason why,
    Theirs but to boo and scry.

    Anonymous @ 11:22

    You are a Capra hircus cunt with little or no aesthetic taste.

    Innit?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous 11:36 said:

    ".....a nurse really has no reason to wear a lab coat other than there is no other way for the comic to denote a medical professional). In the first panel the nurse is asking if there is any pain because....."

    I see that it never dawned on you that the female in the labcoat could be a doctor?

    You are, without doubt, a fucking sexist cunt. And no mistake!
    Drawing a traditional 'Nurse's Cap' is an adequate way of representing a Nurse.

    ReplyDelete
  7. FUCK. The image tags fucked up. ;_;

    FUCKFUCKFUCK.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Actually "Suiseiseki" sounds like Estonian or something

    ANYWAY. Robbo replace the img srcs with http://img593.imageshack.us/img593/7736/firstdi.jpg , http://img814.imageshack.us/img814/2249/secondp.jpg , http://img855.imageshack.us/img855/1917/painratingawesome.png , http://img859.imageshack.us/img859/5734/third.jpg , http://img585.imageshack.us/img585/2858/lastu.jpgrespectively and everyone should be able to go home happy. I'm pretty sure you could have worked that out for yourself tbh but hey

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  9. You're right!
    It ain't Cyrillic at all!
    I misread it appending -eski to the end.
    I'm sure it's Nipponese now.
    Probably Sui-Sei-Seki is a Lolicon star.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I dunno ALTF, if you've not heard of them they can't be much of a star

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  11. Randall broke up with me two years ago and I still haven't gotten over it.

    captcha: abledum. The lesser-known more competent brother of Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

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  12. Dearest Ann Apolis,
    Do not base your concept of a person's stardom on whether or not I have heard of them.
    I am very much ignorant of your pop culture.
    I was 15 years old before I became aware of The Beatles - or even Rock and Roll music itself. And that was the mid 1990s by the way.
    I know my Mozart though.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think Aquarians Love To Fuck handily demonstrates how anonymous posters aren't always less valuable than named posters.

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  14. I thought that might go over your head :( Explain the joke corner: I was implying that you have an encyclopaedic* knowledge of child pornography and therefore if Suiseiseki was a Lolicon star you would have heard of them.

    *MOAR LIKE ENCYCLOPAEDO AMIRITE

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  15. I have got to find an oppurtunity to call someone an encyclopaedophile, that's fucking brilliant.

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  16. Does the 'con' in Lolicon stand for conservative?

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  17. No, it stands for "convoluted attempts to maintain that 'loli' doesn't refer to Lolita and that it's only the perversion of the masses that try to claim it has any relationship with the sexualisation of children."

    It's a pretty convoluted abbreviation in and of itself, I know.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ann Apolis: Try this: encyclopediadramatica.com/Desu

    Name is taken from ancient memes. Oh god, I feel liek an oldfag nao, Desu~.

    ReplyDelete
  19. DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU dESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU

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  20. I think anon 5:56 handily demonstrated how anonymous posters can often be even less valuable than Aquarians Love To Fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I despise you more than I thought would be possible for me to hate any one person. I should very much like to take a large, manly dump on your grave when you die.

    You are the cancer of humanity. Please die soon. TIA.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I have been asked more than once to rate pain with 10 being "the worst pain [I] can imagine". And I actually do have sort of the same problem as the guy in the comic (without the weird cringing), in that I imagine 10 to be something like "third degree burns all over my body," which kind of messes up the scale. A more useful scale is the one that tags on descriptors to the numbers, such as "the pain is severe enough to interfere with everyday activities." They had a scale like that at a rehab hospital I worked at. Then there is the scale with the smiley and frown-y faces attached- that one is amusing.

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  23. Anon 5:56 PM spammed DESU because Suiseiseki is a character from the manga Rozen Maiden who places unusual emphasis on the Japanese copula "desu". He was having a laugh at all you people floundering around that name's origin, which would be known to about anyone who was on 4chan during the time it was popular as a meme.

    This comic was extremely bad. Characters forgetting their roles is right. Doctors wouldn't neglect a patient in order to slag them off to a girlfriend, who by the way really does not need to be there, whose presence should have been established in the first panel unless that would spoil some kind of joke.

    Also, just want to mention the art. I think he needs to be careful in depicting expressions that place a stick figure's hands on his blank face. In the classic posture of contemplation we understand he's placing one hand under his chin, but in the next panel he clasps both hands in terror to the same place. Certainly not where the mouth would be, which is the facial feature I expect terrified hands to clasp.

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  24. Not sure changing the setup to the punchline would have made it funnier. Kind of would have ruined the entire joke.

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  25. I assumed the DESU spam was to set up a reboot bingo.

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  26. Dear Aquarians Love To Fuck,
    I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, I just really don't understand. I just got my first computer, and I was looking at websites and I thought xkcd was pretty funny, and so was this blog, but I don't understand why you do it anyway. I'm ten so I get most of the stuff on the internet, but also a bit autistic. Please, why do you do this? Just for fun? Is it an official ranking thing?
    Gertie

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  27. This was an awful guest review. Fuck you, sushi.

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  28. "I'm ten so I get most of the stuff on the internet"

    Lol.
    If Gertie is short for Gertrude, double that lol.

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  29. I miss carl, but only because he'd have the power to ban ALTF.

    all rob can do is wave his comparatively stubby flabby arms at the keyboard and bash out screeds of poorly worded ironic anti-trollbait.

    I never knew it was possible to be so fat
    and so hipster.

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  30. ROB
    A poem

    He sits there,
    stomach gurgling,
    rolls of fat spilling over the arms of his seat and escaping to the floor.

    His phone buzzes
    and he extracts it from his navel
    and reads the missive.

    "WINE HOGS S/T: 10.0 (PTCHFRK)"

    His face twists into a sneer
    the vibrations rippling across his corpulent bulk.

    He opens his blog
    dismisses the microfiction he has been labouring over for days
    and writes
    "Wine Hogs suck now."

    He leans back and smiles.
    Is this monster finally satisfied?
    With the back of his neck acting as a pillow
    he closes his eyes
    and sleeps.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Enough with the Rob jokes!

    I remember the good times were the xkcdsucks comment thread was about cleverly deconstructing Rob's review, not about cheap ad hominem attacks.

    ReplyDelete
  32. also you're hurting my feel-bads

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  33. Just imagine the things we'd say if Randy posted a broken picture. Get it together, Robdall!

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  34. this is a guest post. and what's more, a guest post that's using proprietary frame-by-frame images instead of an easily-corrected bad link to the comic.

    I only fix errors in guest posts if the guest sends me the corrections

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  35. So I've been reading this blog for a while, and I see it has multiple authors.

    I was wondering... which one of you is the "funny" one?

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  36. wait, we're meant to be funny?

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  37. Didn't this blog used to be funny? Or mildly clever? Or anything other than fucking retarded?

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  38. I'm pretty sure Carl was the funny one. Also the serious one. Also the one with some sense of self-respect

    Carl basically took everything when he left, leaving us as nothing but trolls with no bridge under which to lurk.

    Captcha: Sathiona. Now I don't have to come up with a name for the heroine of my awful young adult urban fantasy novel. Thanks, captcha!

    ReplyDelete
  39. carl was never funny though

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  40. Mmmm... the rage and indignation of these butthurt xkcd fans... it's palpable.

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  41. Raven is not joking about her novel. It'll be about an ugly, happiness-stealing gnome and his obese troll friend fighting for the love of a young Canadian economics student.

    ReplyDelete
  42. This blog is from retarded people for retarded people.

    And me posting here means I'm just as retarded. But at least I KNOW and ADMIT it, unless the other retards here. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  43. "He was having a laugh at all you people floundering around that name's origin, which would be known to about anyone who was on 4chan during the time it was popular as a meme."

    He was having a laugh at people with enough sense to stay away from 4chan?

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  44. I keep misreading it as "The Kitten Who Could Not Face Lifts" and wondering if it's like claustrophobia or something

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  45. The guest review was terrible. Rob, get off your lazy fat ass and start writing reviews again.

    As for the comic, it was alright. A potentially humorous idea, ruined by post-punchline dialogue and the unnecessary insertion of megan.

    In other words, exactly what you'd expect of xkcd.

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  46. You should probably get your eyes checked, Ann.

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  47. Rob's reviews are dysentery of the English language, you should know this already.

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  48. I was mildly amused.

    At first I felt as if it may have been a nice hat-tip to Lovecraftian dread-horror, but I don't think I can give Randall that much credit. Were he really going for such a reference, he wouldn't have been so subtle. Oh, well.

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  49. I rate this comic a 10.

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  50. @Anonymous 8:19 your explanation was unnecessary considering the post immediately preceding the DESU one. You seem proud of your 4chan experience though, which is funny. The only notable thing about 4chan has been that it somehow managed to be even worse than Something Awful.

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  51. 884: I don't want to like it... but, I do.
    Although, I will say it looks like Randall was just perusing Wikipedia for porn again.

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  52. The images in this post aren't displaying for me, is that true for anyone else?

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  53. yeah they're all broken and i have no idea what they're meant to look like

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  54. While I don't understand the most recent comic at all... the addition of "in Cambridge, MA" is completely unnecessary. There are without a doubt numerous cities that have a Rogers St, so there's no reason for Randy to include the city where he lives. He's just projecting, "Hey everyone, I saw this street sign the other day and thought of this hilarious joke!"

    ...at least I think it's supposed to be a joke.

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  55. I... I'm lost. I'm totally lost with this new comic.

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  56. It's a stupid joke based on the idea that you get your porn name by combining the name of the street you grew up on and the name of your first pet. I guess the pet name goes first, traditionally, so he at least got that right. So basically this kid's porn name would be Mister Rogers. Because that GUARANTEES that the kid won't get into porn.

    Also the nerds who read xkcd feel fond nostalgia for Mister Rogers. You can pretty much throw everything else out and write the words "WHO ELSE LOVES MISTER ROGERS" and it sums up the comic.

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  57. 884 is actually somewhat clever. The execution is absolute shit, though, as the "joke" is excruciatingly opaque to the extent that I doubt most people would get it fast enough to find it humorous. When it takes you five minutes to figure out what the joke is it doesn't matter how good it is; it won't be funny. That said, I got a good chuckle out of the alt text.

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  58. GOOMH Randall when I was a kid I watc...

    No wait, I reside in the larger part of the world and have never seen Mister Rogers outside of YouTube and that one episode of Sesame Street.

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  59. So. Porn stars, huh? Anybody else want to see some girl on girl action between Kelly Wells and Lexi Belle? That would be my debut film if I were to start a porn company. I'd make it real classy too.

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  60. UndercoverCuddlefishApril 11, 2011 at 12:01 AM

    rob you lazy asshole ann already posted the correct image links for you

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  61. if i don't respond to or otherwise acknowledge a correction odds are good i didn't read it.

    put it in my inbox or bust, you fat lazy fucks

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  62. Mr Rogers actually seems like a pretty good gay porn name if you ask me

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  63. You know, sometimes... when I get horny... I just want to fuck and fuck until my eyes start to bleed. It seems like nothing will make the lust go away. When this happens it's important to remember that if you just find a cock big enough, and believe in yourself, you can always achieve satisfaction.

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  64. Anonymous @ 9:30: Cambridge is where MIT is. We've discussed Randall's fantasy of being an MIT superstar before.

    Unfortunately, I've been there, and they have gigantic "xkcd books now in stock!" signs in their campus bookstore, and print it in the student newspaper. They don't seem to mind the confabulation.

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  65. Randy forgot that "Rule 34" exists. There are probably tons of porn involving Mr. Rogers and all Sesame Street characters.

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  66. Also comic implies that Randall is going to have a kid at some point of time.

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  67. What Professional Mole said.

    I guess the reason must be that I'm not that knowledgable about naming conventions in the porn business. On the other hand, I do know a couple of porn star names, and none of them sound like "first pet's name + street you've been living in".

    Can someone clear this up for me?

    And then... why does he say "kid", when he apparently is only talking about a girl? Because I think the porn industry is actually cheeky enough to name a male porn actor "Mr. Rogers" without the need of a convoluted background involving the pet cat and the street name.

    In any case, Randall fails hard. But I'm sure it was very, very funny in his head.

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  68. Also is it supposed to be clear what gender the person in the strip is?

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  69. In xkcd world no male would have such a non-heteronormative mane.

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  70. Guest reviews like these are what give this site a reputation as for needlessly nitpicking even the more innocuous XKCD strips (such as 883). I guess that's not a bad thing, though, because then more ardent XKCD defenders show up, Rob and Raven and Ann and everyone else mocks them roundly, and a good time is had by all. Except the XKCD defenders.

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  71. "...a reputation for..." No as.

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  72. Timofei: True, but you can never be sure, he's trying to depict a porn actor after all.
    And damn it, even if I accept that naming convention, I can't accept that they wouldn't change the pet's name to the gender-appropriate version. So it really should be a guy.

    Argh. This comic upsets me. Of course, the xkcd forumites ignore the awfulness of the comic and instead just tell each other their hilarious porn names. Which is, well, probably the best way to cope with this shit.

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  73. http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/gmufy/this_is_the_worst_resumecv_i_have_ever_seen_and/

    holy shit guys you need to check this. if randall wants to stop his kid being a pornstar all he needs to do is get her to write CVs like this.

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  74. I think it's less shameful to have a kid who is a pornstar than to have Randall Munroe as your father. It's a nightmare fuel scenario.

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  75. Who the fuck is Mr Rogers and why does Randy seem to wish he was his father so much?

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  76. Theodore Carleton. Makes me sound classy as hell. O.o

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  77. Okay, I know I heard this before, I just didn't do the connection between the "porn name algorithm" and this comic. And this makes this comic one of those that get ruined if you think more than 5 seconds about it.

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  78. The porn name algorithm is ruined if you think more than 5 seconds about it.

    Pets with opposite gendered names from the owner? Pets with incredibly stupid names; like Mister?

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  79. Not to mention the fact that, well, no pornstars at all have a name like that.

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  80. It's just an idea for coming up with stupid names. Forcing them to be porn names ruins it half the time. Mine is 'Lightning Royston', which is clearly the name of a blues guitarist.

    Nothing beats this in stupid name generators though. It's even better for porn names. I got 'Drinkdrool Wormgrope' and 'Fondlewrack Fondlefiend' in the first two tries.

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  81. I didn't know the pet name + street name joke so it took two readings to figure out that there must be a joke around the world about that and that this must therefore be hilarious. Too bad it wasn't funny.

    Also, Randall seems to be feeling insecure lately as he keeps making references to his older comics. This one was referring in the alt text to the Bobby Tables one(which is actually a good comic), 881 was the <3 one (not funny), and sometime since 800 was the "It works, bitches!" one (also not funny). It's as if he feels the need to remind us "Hey, guys! I'm the guy who used to be funny one third* of the time. I wasn't always this bad."

    *And that's being generous.

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  82. "Fido 53rd" would be just as (completely in-)effective at keeping a kid out of pron as "Mister Rogers".

    Fact check time:
    Rogers St in Cambridge MA is about 6 blocks long. It's mostly parking lots, warehouses and offices. There are a couple buildings that might have residential apartments on the east end. I'd bet the apartments are occupied by MIT students or young, childless professionals. Nobody is raising kids on that particular Rogers St.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Major points for Randall drawing some funny pornstar hair in this one.

    ReplyDelete
  84. The hair style reminds me of this. Otherwise there is absolutely nothing funny about the latest "comic".

    Reboot does a Redux countdown: 12

    ReplyDelete
  85. I am still waiting on your referee report. You are not scoring any points with me with your 'reviews'.

    And to answer your other question: No, you can't count this as being published.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Thumper Shackleton

    F*ck yeah.

    On the other hand, this was a terrible comic and I didn't understand it until I started reading xkcdsucks this morning.

    ReplyDelete
  87. 'Thumper Shackleton' will be the bad guy in Rocky VII.

    ReplyDelete
  88. From the forums:


    I rarely literally LOL at something on the interwebs, but the alt-text on this one made me nearly wake up everyone else in the house. Priceless.

    Getting back to the actual comic, I laughed hard at the mouseover text. Why is it that callbacks without any real punchline are so funny to me? This is like three for three.

    Other than that, it's just pages and pages of people letting us know what their porn names are. The forumites are spending a lot less time on fellatio these days.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Unless you count self fellatio

    ReplyDelete
  90. My porn first name would be "Serena". And I'm a guy.

    INB4 no, I'm not interested in the TV market. Or porn in general. :|

    Anyway, what's funny about that hair anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  91. My first pet name was Robdall, and I grew up on From Xkcdsucks street.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Mine would be Mojo Sherbourne. Not bad, I think.

    CAPTCHA: braust, to joust in your bra.

    ReplyDelete
  93. my porn name would be Jim Chilton apparently - tbh that just sounds perfectly respectable

    ReplyDelete
  94. Willow Hicks.

    Maybe if I were a chick, I guess?

    ReplyDelete
  95. @Kitten: Fistthrust Thrustrheum and Crazesuck Mangemildew. Although I've always been partial to Nurgle, so maybe the other chaos gods are less kinky?

    ReplyDelete
  96. This was a pretty bad review. The random and unnecessary presence of Megan notwithstanding, this comic wasn't all that bad.

    ReplyDelete
  97. vomittoad gruegrue

    ReplyDelete
  98. apparently my greater daemon name is mr rogers

    ReplyDelete
  99. I feel so bad for Rob after finding this site. I'd have to guess he's either in his late teens to twenties. Very little going on in his life. Meaningful career or love life is non existent.

    You're definitely no Adam Carolla, don't pretend to be one.

    ReplyDelete
  100. He can't be in his twenties. Anything less then thirty years is insufficient to have become as grotesquely bloated as he is.

    ReplyDelete
  101. I don't think Adam Carolla is as monstrous as Rob. But then again, maybe he is?

    Captcha: dingable. 50% chance I would find an excuse to use this word over the next month if something gets dinged.

    ReplyDelete
  102. My porn name is... Fred Timberland

    GAY ORGIES HERE I COME

    ReplyDelete
  103. @4:01

    You don't have to be unhappy to be an asshole on the internet! All you need is a computer and an internet connection! You can try right n... oh, but... but you already know this...

    Captcha: criing: what Rob does each night, alone in his bed, reflecting upon his meaningless career and absence of love life.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Lucky Sycamore. Oooooh yeah.

    ReplyDelete
  105. I got the "joke" right away and still didn't think it was funny. It was just sort of bland. And it's not like any real porn stars actually use that naming system, so I don't see how it would keep a kid out of porn.

    My name would be Dragon Collingdale. When I was a kid I loved Secret of NIHM so my first pet was a white cat named Dragon, like the cat from the movie/book.

    ReplyDelete
  106. If you be Dragon, I'll be your Rider, Chaos.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Be careful about playing the porn name game, guys. It's a great way for people to discover the answers to your internet security questions.

    ReplyDelete
  108. shut the fuck up norton, i was trying to win identity theft bingo

    ReplyDelete
  109. Ian Dermot TheftersonApril 11, 2011 at 11:14 PM

    Great new game guys! If you take your email password as your first name and your email address as your second name, you get your Rapper name! Mine is 'dj_jazzy jefferson(@titmouse.com)'. See, it really works!

    ReplyDelete
  110. All I see is ******** jefferson(@titmouse.com).

    ReplyDelete
  111. Ravenfluenza said...
    "Although I've always been partial to Nurgle, so maybe the other chaos gods are less kinky?"

    A look at the source code shows it doesn't make a difference which chaos god you choose. Warleper Spurtgristle could work for any of them.

    ReplyDelete
  112. i thought the point of gods was to explain the apparent order in the world. not that it works as an explanation, but still.

    you don't need a god of chaos. it's like the god of milk going bad, or the god of you being a loser.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Rob, God of LosersApril 12, 2011 at 2:06 AM

    How many times have I told you not to question my existence? Now quit fucking around and get back to worshipping me.

    ReplyDelete
  114. @Norton

    Are you like the antivirus software or something

    ReplyDelete
  115. Ann Apolis on April 9 @ 3:19PM said:

    "....I thought that might go over your head :( Explain the joke corner: I was implying that you have an encyclopaedic* knowledge of child pornography and therefore if Suiseiseki was a Lolicon star you would have heard of them.

    *MOAR LIKE ENCYCLOPAEDO AMIRITE....."

    I did not read it that way, well done.
    I am Encyclophaedo actually.

    ReplyDelete
  116. @Anon130: Chaos gods are more like Gods of Fuckin' You Up 'Cause They Can. They aren't gods OF chaos; they are greater demons literally made out of primordial chaos energy that have infected millions of humanoid creatures to the point of building empires in our universe for themselves, to further their aforementioned goals of Fucking You Up 'Cause They Can.

    ...Which is to say I'm way too cool to have 3000 points of Necron forces somewhere in my room... >.>

    ReplyDelete
  117. They are not gods of any sort. They are Platonic Kakadaemons.
    Abandon your pop culture-centric world view and embrace one of Classical Antiquity.
    You'll thank me when you are the centre of attention at your next cocktail party.
    And sporting a Mary Quant frock couldn't hurt.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Raven, YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE AND GET LAID...



    ... I mean, Necrons? IF I WANTED SPACE EGYPT I WOULD WATCH STARGATE.

    ReplyDelete
  119. fucking stupid

    that porn star name thing is

    so fucking fuck fuck GAH

    ReplyDelete
  120. Dearest Tinykitten,

    Would a true necro-type want Ravenzomg to get a life and get laid in precisely that order?

    I think not.

    ReplyDelete
  121. Would you guys please suck my cock? I need some release. I know you all have a submissive side. You have to swallow when you're done.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Would it not be better for your release if we swallow after you're done?

    ReplyDelete
  123. @8:50 Dammmmmmn, homey! Them bitchez in da ayearrel not be up on dat shit? Best shape yo shit up if you want that seed going somewhere that ain't blood-related to ya, dawgggg.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Dear everyone,

    I tried sucking 8:50's cock, and it's real easy! It's like using a warm toothpick with a milligram of tartar sauce on the end. It's a bit difficult to know when you've 'swallowed' though.

    Regards,
    A Submissive

    ReplyDelete
  125. Man-paste denominated by weight?
    How novel!

    ReplyDelete
  126. Dear everyone,

    I also sucked Aquarians' cock, but that hurt and made me feel bad. Don't do that.

    Captcha: Subdov. Hey, that's me!

    Regards,
    A Submissive Dove.

    ReplyDelete
  127. There's this woman I like who works at the local library. Thing is, she's about 50 and I'm 22, but she's really hot and she wears these really tight blouses and skirts. How do I ask her out?

    ReplyDelete
  128. Make a reference to some old song she grew up with.

    If you need ideas, try, "Hey, baby. What's your game? Maybe we can see things the same."

    Or if you're feeling bold, try, "Let me put my love into you, babe. Let me put my love on the line. Let me cut your cake with my knife."

    ReplyDelete
  129. Regale her with florid and Dewey prose.

    Dearest A Submissive Dove,

    Apologies, my prehensile clitoris is oft' guilty of abuse.

    ReplyDelete
  130. Bro, if that bitch ain't be on it, y'gots ta charm her with yo swagger.
    Bitches love a man wit swagger.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Thanks Cptn! That's some useful advice! Although the last one seems a little weird. She likes Elvis, so I'm going with 'Always on my Mind'.

    Wish me luck!

    ReplyDelete
  132. well if you're giving out advice....
    my girlfriend wants to peg me. that means she wants to use a strap-on dildo on me, like in the ass. i don't really like the idea but she seems really keen. should i do it? also, if anyone's done it before, what's it like?

    ReplyDelete
  133. Funkmastah X,

    Your grammatical and syntactical transliteration of that quaint English dialect is quite simply straight outta Comptom.
    And to think, not long ago I thought NWA represented North West Airlines.

    ReplyDelete
  134. Anonymous 10:40 AM,

    Make sure she uses a prosthetic penis equipped with a 'Fuel Injection' option and she puts Tequila in the reservoir.
    Burns like the dickens at first, but your prostate will thank you later.

    ReplyDelete
  135. "Funkmastah X,

    Your grammatical and syntactical transliteration of that quaint English dialect is quite simply straight outta Comptom.
    And to think, not long ago I thought NWA represented North West Airlines."

    Jesus Christ shut the fuck up about grammar you tool.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Anonymous @ 11:13 AM,

    Goodness gracious. Do you eat with that same mouth? And why would you call jesus christ a tool? Had you said "Jesus Christ, ALTF, shut the fuck up about grammar you tool." I would have understood that you meant I was the tool.

    Anonymous @ 11:19,

    Thank you, but it was a typo.

    ReplyDelete
  137. The way he worded it didn't indicate that he was talking to Jesus either, since there was no comma after his name.

    No, he's telling us a story. Once upon a time, Jesus Christ did something that would be remembered forever. What did he do? Well, he shut the fuck up about something. What was that thing he shut the fuck up about? Something the locals referred to as "grammar you tool." The meaning has been lost on us in these modern times, but scholars are working around the clock to resolve the issue of what "grammar you tool" is and why Jesus himself didn't even want to talk about it.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Thank you Booty. You are indeed a wise teller of stories. The minstrel of XKCDsucks.

    Originally it was 'Grandma U'Toole' and it referred to her wonderfull unorthodox Ur-ish cookies.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Pretty sure it was Jesus predicting the coming of Peter O'Toole and his caligulan acting. Something everybody should shut the fuck up about.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Hey, you kids! Get off my blawn!

    ReplyDelete
  141. Caligulan acting?
    I like that!

    No Prisoners!

    Grandma U'Toole's motto:
    Oderint Dum Metuant

    ReplyDelete
  142. This place went to hell after Carl left.

    ReplyDelete
  143. No it didn't!
    We couldn't agree about who would pay Charon.
    Consequently we're all cowering on the shore humming "Lorelei" and "Come Sail Away" with Too Much Time On our Hands.

    ReplyDelete
  144. I still like it for the most part. Comments are primarily absent minded, but it's all good. Also, I expect ALTF to grammatically correct my post.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Do you expect me to grammatically correct your grammar or correct your grammar grammatically?
    Or should I do the correcting itself in a grammatical manner?

    I need to know which - for billing purposes.

    ReplyDelete
  146. The word 'comments ' could use the definite article 'The', but I wouldn't worry about it.

    ReplyDelete
  147. The comma goes inside the quotation marks, ALTF.

    ReplyDelete
  148. Buzz -- nice American name.

    Innit?

    ReplyDelete
  149. Buzz dahling,
    The rule to which you implicitly refer is a general rule and is not applicable in this case. I am not using the single quotation marks to denote a verbal or written quote. I am using them as a surrogate for italics as I can't be arsed to learn how to code them 'round here.
    I could be mistaken though. The Queen's English is my fourth language and my OED Style Guide could very well be rife with a bit too much Rule Britannia for our North American sensitivities.
    Thanks for the tip though.

    ReplyDelete
  150. I really hate it when someone calls my pedantic bluff.
    No wait.....
    I love it.

    Buzz is a nice American name? North or south of the Mason Dixon Line?

    ReplyDelete
  151. It's actually not; merely a nickname. Despite the Buzzitude of Buzz Aldrin, and the existence of several other notable Buzzes, no one has ever tried naming their kid that; or, at least, so BehindTheName.com and Wikipedia would have us believe. I guess those people tended to go for "Neil" instead.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Won't be around to grab the webcite for 885 or 886. If somebody posts them here, I'll make sure to upload them to xkcdwebcited.

    ReplyDelete
  153. 885: http://www.webcitation.org/5xuClv66k

    ReplyDelete
  154. Wow... Randall is incredibly boring, as usual. This is so dull it's making me wish I had my 10 seconds back.

    Also, this reminds me of that gag in The Simpsons, where Marge imagines what the maid would think of her if she left the house dirty.

    ReplyDelete
  155. This fantasy world where people lackadaisacally sort through the recycling instead of rapidly getting through it as quickls as they can appeals to me. Where can I sign up?

    ReplyDelete
  156. i like going through things as quickls as possible.

    ReplyDelete
  157. Err... I tear the labels off for fun and had no idea I did it because "i knew they were going to be sorted somewhere"

    ReplyDelete
  158. I think the more grievous problem is that Randall thinks he's so important that people actually examine his garbage.

    ReplyDelete
  159. I don't think he really thinks that. I think he's trying to make a joke or something.

    ReplyDelete
  160. Why would Randall be trying to make a joke?

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  161. mfw when reading today's xkcd.

    ReplyDelete
  162. Methinks a look @ a tale from
    The Good Book
    will light the way.....
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNuDX5b9AC8

    Yep!

    ReplyDelete
  163. I feel like #885 should be kind of funny but it isn't. Comic Police help?

    ReplyDelete
  164. What whatsion whatxion line?

    ReplyDelete
  165. Why is this website so obsessed with Randall and his life? Why insult him on a personal level every chance you get? I don't understand it. And if xkcd sucks so much, why don't you just stop following it and get a life? Is he so important to you that you must post 2-page long write-ups about his crappy comics?

    ReplyDelete
  166. ...because it's fun.

    also i love how since xkcd fans are usually the type of people who get told to get a life, they cherish the opportunity to use it on others.

    today's comic: something joke something bottle of jizz something something

    ReplyDelete
  167. "Why is this website so obsessed with Randall and his life? Why insult him on a personal level every chance you get? I don't understand it. And if xkcd sucks so much, why don't you just stop following it and get a life? Is he so important to you that you must post 2-page long write-ups about his crappy comics?"

    You haven't been on the Internet very long, have you? I'm being generous with that assumption because the alternative is that you are less intelligent than a can of Spam.

    ReplyDelete
  168. Great googily moogily! I've never thought of it like that!

    Let it be known on this day that Greg F has changed all of our lives with his scathing criticism and piercing perception. I am so ashamed I have gone on so long without realizing that I am wasting my life away here and that I could simply ignore xkcd, which I also now think is the great American Fiction of our time.

    Hey Greg!

    In case you haven't noticed the blog is 2 comics behind you douche nozzle, it really puts a damper on that we should all get lives argument don'it?

    Reboot does a Redux countdown: 11

    ReplyDelete
  169. I'm guessing none of you guys are married or have kids, because there's no way you'd be doing this if that was the case. It's just sad to see you all getting your 'fun' by trying to bully someone who probably isn't aware you exist.

    ReplyDelete
  170. @Ravenzomg: it was a 'heh, I do that too' comic, but nothing funny in it. Its more the kind of joke you'd tell your friends after a few pints.

    ReplyDelete
  171. @Greg F

    What does family have to do with one's desire to criticize? And since when are critics bullies? Since you disagree with them?

    I guess I don't quite understand what you mean by your last sentence. What's wrong with taking 5-10 minutes a day to review and react to a bad webcomic? It's moderately enjoyable, and if Randy really doesn't know about us (he does), no one gets hurt.

    Why do you care so much?

    ReplyDelete
  172. Greg F. hopes that if he defends Randy's honor he'll finally get the opportunity to perform fellatio on him.

    ReplyDelete
  173. Eh... I'd like to point out that Greg F 7:07 and Greg F 8:05 are not samefag.

    ReplyDelete
  174. It just seems like this blog is giving Randy legitimacy. The implicit message it provides is that Randy sucks but he's awesome enough to warrant making a critical blog in his honor. Really? You guys think he's great enough to discuss? I don't even care for the guy.

    ReplyDelete
  175. Greg F: The new generic anon name?

    Discuss

    ReplyDelete
  176. No, that'd be stupid.

    ReplyDelete
  177. There's no discussion over whether or not xkcd is legitimate. It's probably the most popular web comic there is. And when something that terrible becomes so popular, it's only reasonable that it receives criticism.

    ReplyDelete
  178. @Anon 9:28

    So...when a sufficiently large group of people tells someone they suck (and explains why), that actually means the person in question is awesome? I don't follow.

    ReplyDelete
  179. rog·er
    interj.
    Used especially in radio communications to indicate receipt of a message.
    tr.v. rog·ered, rog·er·ing, rog·ers Chiefly British Vulgar Slang
    To have sexual intercourse with (a woman). Used of a man.

    That is all.

    ReplyDelete
  180. @Gamer_2k4

    Maybe awesome is the wrong word. Let's try: you guys think he's important enough to discuss? Like I said, this blog by its nature grants xkcd (and by extension Randall) legitimacy. The more publicity you give something, good or bad, the more you actually help it. I wonder how many new viewers xkcd gets just as a result of this blog.


    @asshole using Eff Greg as his handle

    It's one thing to give it criticism. It's another thing to obsessively follow every move the guy makes in search of every negative quality you can find. It would be like Rupert Murdoch launching a 24-hour Obama Sucks network.

    ReplyDelete
  181. I can certainly confirm that I spend every waking hour trailing Randall to watch when he litters or doesn't washing his hands after using the toilet*.

    *once he did wash his hands, and then he stuck his hands down his pants and adjusted himself, and then he didn't wash them again! I mean that's just - hang on I'll get the photographs

    ReplyDelete
  182. @Anon 10:53

    xkcd had "legitimacy," if that's what you want to call it, long before this blog existed. It's not uncommon for tech sites to link to comics, for teachers to post printouts, for strips to be emailed around, etc. Also, FWIW, I'd honestly expect more people to come here as a result of reading xkcd than for people to go to xkcd as a result of reading this.

    As for the second part of your post, you seem to completely miss what we're doing here. I don't know what you think "obsessively following someone around" is, but I'm pretty sure "reading a strip three times a week and spending 15-30 minutes writing a response" doesn't qualify. Heck, have you SEEN how Rob posts? Most days he couldn't care less about reacting to the comic, for better or for worse. Last month was composed largely of guest posts simply because we couldn't trust Rob to be timely or topical with his reviews.

    ReplyDelete
  183. @asshole using Anonymous as his handle

    How is reading his comics equivalent to following his every move? You're quite the stupid shit, aren't you?

    ReplyDelete
  184. @Eff Greg: I think he thinks Rob/Raven crafted shorts are non-fiction and we actually observed these?

    Re XKCDsucks -> XKCD fans.... what? How do you get to an ____ sucks site without knowing about ____ already? The only solution is that people out there think XKCDsucks is entertaining enough as a stand-alone medium that XKCD isn't even required anymore, and, honestly? Have you read anything in this comment thread?

    Captcha: logra. logarithmic base (1/64).

    ReplyDelete
  185. Raven, are you available?

    ReplyDelete
  186. We wish :(

    CAPTCHA: haetic. Haetics gonna haet.

    ReplyDelete
  187. Available for me, obviously ...

    I am impressed by your xkcdsucks commenter status, and would presume you are as much impressed with my quick rise to fame.

    ReplyDelete