Friday, May 31, 2013

Comics Whatever to Whatever: Who Even Cares

1208. Someone's been reading House of Leaves again. F
1209. Lame. F
1210. I'm interpreting this as a scathing self-critique, and not as the shitfest it actually is. A+
1211. Hasn't he done this exact same thing before? F
1212. Is it poster time already? F
1213. Randy must have recently discovered a fun way to produce blocks of random numbers. It isn't interesting to anyone else, Randy. F
1214. Slightly better than everything else I reviewed in this post. D-
1215. Handy tips for pretending to have an opinion, from the master of bad opinions. F
1216. Normally I'd say Randy's been reading the blog, but it's not like I update anymore. F
1217. And? F
1218. Lol what is the elvish word for frenemy closed the door? F
1219. Your idea is bad, and you should feel bad. F

78 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. as the first poster you get all of my love

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    2. hah. fooled you

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    3. yes. yes i do

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  2. um... did you know your site is really lazy and bad?

    ok just thought you should know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. is that why i didn't update it for three weeks
      asking for a friend.

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  3. Guys. Guys. Randy's done it, he's really done it. I'm sitting there looking at 1219 for the first time and then suddenly the comic bulges in swirling colours not unlike a 2 day old black eye. Suddenl;y I'm seeing shit in it, in... in the comic. Ideas I can't quite grasp, concepts beyond me. Shapes bubble and then form structures not belonging to anything real and the comic's unreadable nature becomes cryptic, like a code. I'm soon cracking at it like so many Japanese trying to understand those Native dudes during World War II. My balance falls to the wayside like so much neglected pantheon and it is then that I realize that the A/C is broke, I'm too dehydrated to sweat anymore, and that going without sleep for 73 and counting hours is a hell of a drug. Off to stumble to the store for either a gatorade or to waste the time of some asshole cop.

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  4. Wait, how is 1214 any better than the rest?

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  5. 1214 is a plug for yet another random waste of time. I've humoured Randy and gave it one shot, after which i was too bored to try any more. There's just very little achievement in guessing the correct continent for random bits of backwoods road.

    I found the idea of 1213 mildly amusing, a standardised one-channel test for synesthesia _is_ intrinsically silly, as is a monochrome colour-vision test. But then, well, it feels like 1210 was Randy's own pre-emptive comment on it.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. In case anything like this happens again, I want you to know that cuddlefish will alawys have a safe home on xkcd-sucks with a hyphen. Even when Rob gives up on you, I won't. And Hyphen will never have stupid rules that don't allow you to post new comments after 2 weeks. xkcd-sucks will rise from the ashes of xkcdsucks like a badly drawn stick-phoenix.

    http://xkcd-sucks.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/picking-up-where-rob-left-off.html

    I am not joking. I will continue to post three new reviews per week. You'll see.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish you luck and god's speed little buddy.

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  8. I am deeply concerned for you and xkcdsucks Rob.
    Deeply concerned.

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    Replies
    1. i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do with your concern. is there an instruction booklet?

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    2. dude. that was rude as hell.

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    3. ".......i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do with your concern. is there an instruction booklet?......."

      I like that!
      Totally thieving it.

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  9. Rob you should provide links to the comics so I don't have to search to see what you're talking about and also you should give images of each comic instead of providing links so I won't be giving free hits to xkcd.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. do i look like i'm willing to exert any more than the bare minimum of effort

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    2. I insert links to every comic on my blog post.

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    3. No Jon I can't read that because it is punctuated with hyphens and I do not like punctuation it is bad news.

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    4. Since when hating hyphens became okay - I don't think it's okay.

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  10. That shitty meme you used on 1219 is kill yourself, and you should kill yourself.

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    Replies
    1. i was using that meme before it was cool

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  11. Wow, you reviewed all of them! Great Job! F+

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  12. I'm sorry, but I must ask, Rob, why do you persist in this commentary on xkcd?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's true.

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    2. xkcdsucks is the only thing in some of our lives

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    3. weaselsoup is the only thing in my life

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    4. I've been waiting over 2 years for a date with weaselsoup now.

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    5. if you can make rob go back and fill in the reviews he's missed then i'll think about it

      also what is your name, are you kind to animals, what kind of films and music do you like, ect ect

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    6. My name is Fred. I am kind to all animals, even mosquitoes and tsetse flies. My favourite movie is White Chicks, and my favourite band is White Town.

      Do I meet your requirements?

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    7. fred has been known to do horrible, violent things to kittens

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    8. forget weaselsoup anonymous 2:18 it's me who really loves you

      (or at least some elements of your taste in music)

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    9. Ann, I basically like any kind of bleepy bloopy music. Electropop and the like.

      Does this meet your standards? I assume I haven't impressed Ms Soup.

      Delete
  13. In 2013, is there anyone not mentally retarded who still takes capitalism seriously?

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    Replies
    1. It is the worst of all economic systems, except for all the others.

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    2. Capitalism does not exist. Anyone who believes in it is a superstitious fool.

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    3. superstitious for a FOOL maybe.

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    4. foolish for a SUPERSTITION maybe.

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  14. Thankfully SMBC is doing cancer comics now so I no longer have to read xkcd.

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  15. I know we've had our differences, xkcdsucks, but I wanted to let you all know I love you thiiiiiiis* much. Except for Booty.

    *Not to scale

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  16. BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
    Why American men should not marry American women

    http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

    I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

    American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

    This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

    I encourage ALL American men to NEVER MARRY American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

    A few more reasons to stay away from American women?

    -30 percent of American women take psychiatric drugs.
    -25 percent of women under the age of 30 have at least one STD.
    -85 percent of divorces in America are INITIATED by women, thus women are responsible for the vast majority of divorces.
    -70 percent of criminals in America were raised by single mothers, thus feminism is responsible for most crime in America.
    -60 percent of American women are fat, overweight, according to government statistics

    If you want to get married, find a nice foreign girl from Asia, or South America, or Russia/Eastern Europe. DO NOT MARRY AN AMERICAN WOMAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!

    Give American women the husband they deserve- NONE!

    BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If it is going to be like that... Could you send some of that unclaimed pussy down here? It doesn't need to be all of it, I think just 75 percent of it will do.

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    2. You can lead a pussy to Eumesmopo but you can't make her interested.

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    3. You idiot! Pussy is not an uncountable.

      You can have 'a pussy' or 'some pussies' but not 'some pussy'.

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    4. "You can have some pussies"

      Thanks Jon! Use Sedex, please.

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  17. Looking at #2010, I don't think I've seen a greater lack of of self-awareness than this. If I hadn't seen that much blandness in one individual before I wouldn't have believed it was possible. Does he really think he's changed? I like to think it's satire, but I think we all know that for a 'funny' guy, Randy really can't take a joke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do we really see enough of him as a person to know how well he can take a joke?

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  18. 2011 is probably the worst GOOMH-bait I have ever seen. It leeches actual comedy and sucks it for everything only to remain a disgusting fucking leech pretending to be a Dr. Who joke. It's a disgrace, it's tantamount to sacrelige it's...

    Oh god.

    When I started writing this I thought that I was just feeling my old hatred of XKCD arise anew, revigored, rebloodied, but I was wrong, in this instance I admit that I have always been wrong. We hate XKCD not because it's bad, but because it's true. Randall is popular for no other reason than that he is everything nerds are. Sure, we've dusted away the "fake geek" guys into he corner and painted over them with white knights no one asked for, but XKCD is the truth. It's the abyss of our reality staring back. We are actually THAT lame, we are that self-absorbed to shit on everything in the name of fanatcism.

    We have met our enemy, and our enemy is -us-.

    Excuse me, I have a M9 I've been meaning to use for a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A M9? Do you mean an M9, or do you actually pronounce it "mnine"?

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    2. it's actualy 'Doctor Who', not 'Dr. Who'

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    3. I didn't actually realise what she was talking about until I read the alt-text. This is despite Doctor Who and Abbott and Costello being a few of my favourite things.

      I suppose the fans are nonetheless gushing over what brilliant stick figure caricatures have been concocted.

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    4. Well if you didn't get it what the hell chance do the rest of us have?

      This asshole ostensibly writes a "comic" about "...romance, sarcasm, math, and language." and OBSCURE MUSIC HALL ROUTINES! Does Ol' Fuckface really expect us to work out both the setup AND the punchline he's getting at from two orbs on sticks wearing some clothes; when then joke is so massively outside his chosen target audience?

      Asssssssssssssssssss!

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    5. There's nothing the least bit obscure about the Who's on First bit. It's far more ubiquitous common knowledge than the vast majority of Randall "the actual boston marathon bomber" Munroe's references.

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    6. Does something "far more ubiquitous" admit extra dimensions?

      undique sum, ubique eo.

      Delete
  19. 1223: Someone who can't even cook for himself preaches at us about how to live our lives. Reminds me of the time Steven Spielberg told me I need to change my underwear once in a while.

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    Replies
    1. Are you confused? There hasn't been a 1223 yet. 1222 is the latest comic, and it's awful.

      Unless perhaps you're already dismissing the next comic out of hand without even seeing it, which is cool, I guess.

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    2. 1224: Topical as always. When was the last time anybody even thought about that? Over a year ago?

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    3. 1225: Stilted dialog, disconnected heads. Alt text explains the joke. When was the last time Randall even tried?

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    4. 1226: Basic pre-grad mathematics being passed off as deep insight. Sickening to true intellectuals, fascinating to wannabes.

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    5. 1228: Departing from the usual xkcd pablum, ALTF rapes Eumesmopo with a sharpened godemiché tipped with the venom of the Inland Taipan.

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    6. So the review for 1224 actually applies to 1223. What's wrong with you guys? Slipping? +1 to Randall.

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    7. 1229: Another poster comic about how awesome birds/dinosaurs are. It's already for sale.

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    8. I don't know what you guys are talking about, 1225 was the best comic in the history of XKCD. It shall be revered by future generations as an example of the power of humor and the pinnacle of discourse in the 21st century. And that shall be reason enough for the 23rd century to retroactively erase us from existence.

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  20. Dearest Mr. Jon Levi:

    With the phrase "some pussy", the noun "pussy", in meaning, is meant to transcend the literal concept of a pussy being solely an object - countable noun - and encompasses a certain je ne sais quoi. Saying, "Get me some pussy" would be tantamount to saying, "Get me some sex". "Pussy" in this context, instantiates a particular usage different from its standard meaning. I am sure there is a sesquipedalic word which designates this phenome, but I can't be arsed to research it.

    Besides, Eumesmopo was referring to "unclaimed" pussy. And, if my male friends are correct, this makes all the difference!

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  21. It's Prom time in the Valley. We are fielding requests for corsages for the Bovine Bettys who grace this part of the planet.
    Is it just me, or are high school students getting fatter and uglier as the years progress?
    Anyway, here's a recent conversation:

    Customer: "I would like a coral coloured rose in my wristlet"

    We do not have a coral coloured rose in stock, but we have lots of neutral white roses, so I responded:

    Me: "You do know that in the "Bandanna Code" of the Gay Leather Subculture, the colour coral indicates the wearer is a foot fetishist? Are you sure you want coral? I think white would be a better match for your dress."

    Customer: "Okay, I guess you're right."

    Nyuck the nyuck-fuck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never went to my Prom night, but I did buy a corsage. It was a soothing shade of pale yellow. On the night I went for a long drive in my beaten down second hand Ford, masturbated on the corsage, crudely wiped it, and tossed it on the back seat. I returned after midnight.

      You should have seen the look on my father's face when he walked outside to see me conspicuously attempting to conceal it. So much joy and such intense relief, as though his deepest regret in life was being lifted from his soul. It was the only time I have ever known what it is to have your father proud of you.

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  22. I guess the point of the Dwarf Fortress comic is that we're supposed to laugh because it mentions Dwarf Fortress and we've heard of Dwarf Fortress, even though the comic isn't funny and makes no sense.

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    Replies
    1. It's funny because lolrecursion.

      Captcha: hothcar absolute
      Is that what you call an imperial walker?

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    2. no its because its really boring to watch someone play a shitty game

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