Sunday, May 5, 2013

Comic 1207: Trollin' Trollin' Trollin'

1207. I've always wanted to get a tattoo that just says 'you are wrong', and whenever I'm talking to people just roll up my sleeve and look at them expectantly. B

133 comments:

  1. You're still a fat shit, Rob. Go outside.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be brave, child. What are you, a girl?

      Delete
    2. That's not what he asked. Are you a girl, yes or no?

      Delete
    3. you're not my real dad

      Delete
    4. You don't even have a real dad... do you?

      Rob are you a FUCKING ORPHAN? Haha oh my god you don't even have parents dude

      Delete
    5. http://i.imgur.com/ZfVMX.jpg

      xkcd meets reality

      Delete
    6. You win all daz internets for resuming xkcds in a single comic.

      Delete
  2. http://i.imgur.com/Az7nLA2.png
    It's still a shitty joke, but I tried. This excuse features heavily in Randy's daily internal monologue. C-

    ReplyDelete
  3. thenks mather for my life

    ReplyDelete
  4. For your tattoo, Rob, may I suggest,

    Erras, tibi cunnus

    Rendered in a Gothic script. It has that 'Dead Language" gravitas that only you can execute with aplomb.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ego sum vir pingui excors

      Delete
    2. tecum pene ineo, cogito, coito.

      Delete
    3. Argentum lingua diaboli!

      I am unsure if that is correct. I've not had occasion to write that exact phrase, academically that is.

      Delete
  5. niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers niggers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly 247 niggers
      Lolololo i know math i am better than you lololololo

      Delete
    2. You always struck me as someone more likely to be on the xkcd forums, Euromuppet.

      Delete
    3. I don't like it there, too many pretentious cun... ehh, assholes.

      Delete
    4. That's racist.

      Delete
  6. c2l0ZXMgbGlrZSB0aGlzIG1ha2UgbWUgd2FudCB0byBnbyBvdXRzaWRlIGFuZCBmbHkgYSBmdWNr
    aW5nIGtpdGU=

    ReplyDelete
  7. you should get the tattoo, rob. tattoos can be very sexy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. weaselsoup, let's have tea at the Ritz together to celebrate the 27 May bank holiday. It'll be like all the old movies: two strangers meeting, discussing everything and nothing, then going their separate ways. Or we can take the train to St Mary Mead and have a quieter afternoon - train to Winchester and a short ride to Nether Wallop will bring to mind the unbeatable Joan Hickson production. What have you got to lose?

      Delete
    2. I really want to hear rob's opinion on the xkcd time wiki people..., I can't tell if they're jesting (gosh I hope) or serious, but its really creepy.

      Delete
    3. i haven't been following the xkcd time wiki people. tell me about them

      Delete
    4. I thought the initial comments were pretty damn hilarious:

      *Sees a picture of two stick figures sitting on a floor*
      "DEM METAPHORES. TRULY THIS IS TEH DEEPEST WORK OF ART OF OUR LIFETIMES. RANDALL YOUVE DONE IT AGAIN /grovel"

      Delete
    5. Yeah, if you go to the "xkcd time wiki", they appear to have constructed some culty religion, like, everything you make fun of here, but played straight(?), around that one comic "time" that keeps on updating. Like they have a fucking (http://xkcd-time.wikia.com/wiki/Randall) article on Randall, calling him "Lord Randall", like jeez, its a fucking webcomic guys.

      Delete
  8. I really want to hear Rob's opinion on my dick...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wholly unsatisfying, would not buy again F-

      Delete
    2. I really want to hear Rob's opinion of his own dick.

      Delete
    3. unfulfilling, ropy, weird and veiny. F-

      Delete
    4. Instead of bobcat, package contained ...

      Delete
  9. Holy shit.

    1210 actually manages to fire on every single wasted cylinder in Randall's dying menagerie labeled 'humor'. People are computers, quirkier-than-thou, utter disdain for his own preachiness when it suits him, abuse of language, and a complete misunderstanding of pacing or punchline!

    It's like the Holy Grail. I'd bask in its glory, but you really don't want to get any on you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Listen. That Holy Grail simile didn't work. You could have written of swan song to depict the wane of life, and of Siren song to depict the need to avoid embracing it in full. Just think how beautifully you could have filled in the finer details had you taken such an approach. I would probably have masturbated while reading such a piece.

      But no, you chose to haphazardly mix engines with zoos and ancient artifacts. You remind me of a friend I used to have.

      "Bill, old buddy," I once told him, "nobody takes up arms against bodies of water. That makes no sense."

      He didn't listen. People lapped it up regardless, little realising the false nourishment offered by salt water, but as a discerning individual I remained ashamed of him. I think he was a little ashamed too. Why else would he start rumours that somebody else had written his own work?

      Delete
    2. While I agree that the Holy Grail simile didn't work, and firing the cylinders of a menagerie is somewhat implausible, your suggestions are equally ill-judged. Randall is, if anything, riding something of a high in terms of popularity and shows no signs of slowing down, so the swan song is hardly apposite. The siren song is also inaccurate, seeing as it is a symbol of bad consequences wrapped in irresistible seductive beauty. Do you find xkcd seductively beautiful?

      And most importantly, you miss the fundamental error in 8:18's commentary - this comic isn't anything exceptionally bad. It is mediocre, appallingly mediocre, and hardly worth such hyperbole.

      Delete
    3. I did not nor do I have any intention of questioning what 8:18 was attempting to evoke. Nor did I wish to fill out the full passage to demonstrate how I would have done it. I simply gave him some advice as to how he may have better framed his writing. His work is his own.

      The importance of this is something I learned long ago. I once had an editor who clearly wanted to take full control of my work and make it something other than what I intended. I would have happily accepted a lighter approach, but that was not his wont. My original work was barely recognisable through the thick spread of red ink. It was an abuse of my vision, so I took my work away and self-published. Repercussions of Evil may not have penetrated the mass market as well as it could have, it may not be a success in the economic sense, but it remains my own work and an absolute victory from the artistic perspective. This is what I hoped to help Sleeper achieve.

      Delete
    4. My humble apologises. You did merely provide Sleeper with alternative, more consistent, options. Although it does appear to me that his hodge-podge of imagery is a stylistic choice - a metaphor that persisted throughout his paragraph would become somewhat overbearing and pompous. The lightness in tone, that devil-may-care flippancy, is vital to his voice, don't you think?

      Delete
    5. And apologies for my 'apologises' too.

      Delete
  10. I don't see how 1210 could be interpreted as anything other than self-criticism. Much of the humor in xkcd to date has come from its quirkiness, which as we all know is just randomness under a different name. 1210 is the long-awaited admission that these tactics, attention-grabbing as they may be, garner less laughs than a poorly formatted stream of random decimal digits. The use of past tense in the alt text ("thought", "made") signifies that he is ready to dismiss these notions as childish and illogical. With 1210, Randall has slain the proverbial inner child (seen lying down in the third panel, absent in the fourth panel) and taken an important step towards cynicism.

    We did it, guys. We managed to break him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And it seems the forumites have already jumped on the chance to dismiss the latest comic as heresy. Quoth one BAReFOOt:
      "Random events are indeed actually making things more interesting."

      Some even deny the use of randomness at all. Quoth one Danno81: "That wasn't random by the way. Just a list of top 4 favorite 'things, events and outcomes'."

      And some of them attempt to restore the balance with their own attempts at randomness. Quoth one thevicente: "POTATO"

      Delete
    2. "......1210 is the long-awaited admission that these tactics, attention-grabbing as they may be, garner less laughs than a poorly formatted stream of random decimal digits......."

      In prescriptive grammar 'fewer' is the prescribed comparative to be used in relation to discretely quantifiable nouns, i.e., 'count' nouns.

      "laughs" is a 'count' noun!
      Accordingly,
      "fewer laughs"

      Delete
    3. "lesser laughs", surely.

      Delete
    4. i don't believe you can truly count laughs

      Delete
    5. I reckon one must determine whether we are considering the quality of the laughs or the quantity of the laughs. If it is quality, then I figure "lesser laughs" is more apropos. As for quantity, Rob is probably correct, one cannot truly count laughs.
      Lesser laughs it is!

      One may not be able to truly count laughs, but we can always count on Rob to be fair, thoughtful and equitable.

      Delete
    6. equitable?

      do i look like a horse to you?

      Delete
    7. Why the long face?

      It's an houyhnhnmous life, Rob.

      Delete
    8. Rob neighed,

      ".....do i look like a horse to you?....."

      Are you not hung as one? Or have I been disappointingly misinformed - again?
      Neigh, whinnie and clippty-clop indeed!

      "houyhnhnmous"?
      I love humus, especially with soft-boiled eggs which I open at the small end - never the large end. Blefuckyou indeed.

      Delete
    9. *less laughter

      Delete
  11. To be fair, xkcd fans are exactly the sort of people who would describe, say, their university's utterly predictable Harlem Shake video as being "TOTALLY RAAAANDOOOOM!!!"

    I applaud any attempt made by Randall to mock his own fanbase.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Like many suburban homeowners, I like to kill and eat the wild animals that populate my backyard. To keep it sporting, I hunt naked, with my teeth and long sharpened fingernails as my only weapons. I've feasted on squirrel, raccoon, vole and numerous songbirds. But no matter how long I lay spread eagle and motionless in the hot noonday sun, I have never been able to outwit and catch any of the plump and juicy rabbits that hop just outside my reach and then bolt for the woods when I leap forward with a blood-curdling shriek. I have chased them at a dead run through the yards of the many unoccupied homes that surround mine but the pursuit always ends in frustration. But no more, thanks to Amazon. Every week, I order a fresh whole rabbit and affix it to a remote control car that is operated by one of my children. This way, I get the thrill of the hunt, and when the car's batteries are exhausted, I can leap upon it, bury my teeth into the rabbit's soft flesh and perform my ritual victory dance right there in the Walgreen's parking lot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 9/10, you should make a webcomic

      Delete
  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Tutor, aka: "Sterculian Rhetoric" and/or "Bilious C. Pudenda" sure is handsome. Has to beat the girls away with a stick he does.

      Innit?

      Delete
    2. http://sterculian-rhetoric.blogspot.ca/

      http://pudendanongrata.blogspot.ca/

      http://biliouscpudenda.blogspot.ca/

      http://sterculianrhetoric.blogspot.ca/

      http://scorpiosluvtofuck.blogspot.ca/

      I can't be arsed to provide you cunts with live links, but you get the picture, yes?
      I can be seen as the cute Asian in the red swimwear revealed in the penultimate of the the above blog listings

      Delete
    3. Why must ladyboys advertise it so loudly? I don't make such a big deal of being born as hairy as I remain.

      Delete
    4. I reckon it's a genetic thing - Nature, not Nurture. You know, much like, as you say, hirsuteness.
      The love that once darn't not speak its name is now shouted from the rooftops.

      I prefer "Kathoey". Not Ladyboy.

      Delete
    5. Kate Hoey? She was Minister for Sport, I suppose.

      Minister for Sport?

      Delete
    6. I suppose a Vauxhall joke would be in order now, but I can't be arsed.

      Delete
  14. 1211 is pretty much a Cracked photoplasty in XKCD form.

    ReplyDelete
  15. "I'm so random." --Randall Munroe, 2013.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Has Randall already done "birds are dinosaurs," or do I just assume he has because it's such a common theme amongst those who like to be seen masturbating on almighty Science?

    Anyway, apparently a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, unless that other name were "dinosaur," in which case everything about it would automatically be exponentially enhanced.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I believe I've found a little of the dark side of the internet.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Aight, my little bro just walked in while I was jacking off. I thought this only happened in movies.

    ReplyDelete
  19. When i learnt that by today's cladistics, birds are dinosaurs, that instantly greatly increased my respect for dinosaurs.

    Good thing there were no people in the Jurassic, or they'd have complained about tyrannosaurs shitting all over Nelson's column.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anon@8:54, yes, he already did it in the alt text of 867.

    Fuck off Randall. I'm a biologist, and phylogeny is important. But I'm also interested in ethnobiology and folk classification. If you want to tell me birds are included in the Dinosauria clade, fine. However, "dinosaur" (not Dinosauria) is a common name, and in common usage doesn't include the toothless creatures you see flying around today.

    I'm actually out doing field work at present, and the map of I'm using for the field sites where we are working is geared towards hunters and fishers. As such, it includes fishing regulations. There is no daily take limit on "nongame (rough) fish", which are defined as "all fish other than game fish, bait fish, or endangered or protected fish...".

    All terrestrial vertebrates evolved from fish. If I were a cladistics pedant like Randall, I could try taking a couple pheasants, some deer, and maybe a human or two and tell the fish&game officers that these were all included in the "nongame (rough) fish" category. Somehow, I don't think that would fly (and I'd probably be facing some pretty serious charges for taking humans). Words (e.g. common names for organisms) have meanings, and all the cladistic evidence in the world isn't going to make humans into fish, or birds into dinosaurs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Oh man, the sparrow flying over T-Rex's head was so cool!!" - Randall right after a screening of Jurassic Park

      Delete
    2. Are humans more closely related to certain types of fish than they are to, say, gorillas, though? Because that's the specific angle being taken here with the dinosaur thing.

      Delete
    3. Anon@10:20 likes fish sticks.

      Delete
  21. Another poster comic? Hasn't it only been five weeks since the last one?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Looks like 1212 just might fall into the "Memes" category.
    Just an opinion I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Today, in a very special episode of xkcd: Pop culture references.

    ReplyDelete
  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1. making dubious claims
      2. thinking you have schooled anyone

      Delete
  25. iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACAAAAAgAQMAAABJtOi3AAAABlBMVEX///8AAABVwtN+AAAACXBI
    WXMAAAsTAAALEwEAmpwYAAAAT0lEQVQI12NgwAr+ADEjG5BgZgISTCCCFcTleAIibICEAAuc4IAR
    CmBCAKjrAZBgUTBgYOBhKAAROUAuA9AANgaQURACpJcBpINBgAEnAADv6gVj5iZa/QAAAABJRU5E
    rkJggg==

    ReplyDelete
  26. If our pop culture is being transmitted at the speed of light, why is my internet connection so slow?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SCIENCE IT WORKS BITCHES HAHA PLS sicience sukka my

      Delete
  27. 1213: mildly amusing. A gold star for Randall.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're a fucking idiot. Gold star for you.

      Delete
    2. You're my gold star, Rob.

      Delete
    3. You know, cause you're so massive the innermost parts of you are undergoing fusion.

      Delete
    4. I want to see a massive battle to the death between May 17 1:24 and May 18 2:40. The guy who found an xkcd comic mildly amusing vs. the guy who is appalled that this would be the case. Who would win? Who would prove their opinion correct in the only truly decisive fashion: brutal slaughter of the opposing party? This is something I would like to see resolved.

      Delete
    5. There would be no winners. None at all.

      Delete
    6. except for the american people

      Delete
    7. They aren't people.

      Delete
    8. @3:47 Killed the bastard yesterday. Guess I was right.

      Delete
    9. Why are you asking me to guess you were right?

      Delete
    10. Because that is want you to guess.

      Delete
  28. Randall goes on to prove that a poorly formatted stream of random decimal digits is funnier than his earlier comics.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Time is still going on. Now they left the sand castle and are exploring rivers

    ReplyDelete
  30. Rob exclaims:

    "L'├ętat, c'est moi"

    Are we witnessing your sclerotic death throes?

    ReplyDelete
  31. How to make the most boring animation ever.
    1. Come up with a story where nothing interesting happens.
    2. Play it at one frame per hour.

    Well done, Randall, you've finally achieved something.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...a theoretical impossibility — a play in which nothing happens, that yet keeps audiences glued to their seats.

      Delete
    2. Samuel Beckett would be proud.

      Delete
  32. 1215: A pretentious Randall is once again telling other people how to think.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. he's totally right though

      Delete
    2. It's not just that he's telling other how to think, it's that he's utterly embodying the pompous arrogant fuck that he spends the other half* of the comic looking down on (while telling you to look down on him).

      *The other other half are his overabundant lactic Meg dreams.

      Delete
    3. Don't have any thoughtful response to what somebody just said? Just undermine the authority of their comment by pointing out that it could be applied to virtually anything!

      Delete
    4. Except half the joke was that it doesn't apply except in the degenerate sense. People end up bashing something that has little chance of becoming popular because of some aspect that has almost no chance of becoming popular.

      Delete
    5. That half of the joke was in your head, 1:13.

      Delete
    6. no it wasnt read the comic u retard

      Delete
  33. Maybe before we rush do adopt < Xbox One > we should stop to consider the consequences of blithely giving this technology such a central position in our budgets.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 10/10, 5 stars, + rep, would laugh again
      Wait this is'nt SPUF

      Delete
    2. Eumesmopo, all your posts are SO boring.

      Delete
    3. You think I don't know? Sometimes I accidentally take a nap while proofreading them.

      Delete
  34. The alt text for 1216 appeared in my Google Reader before the actual comic did. (Yes, I'm still using Google Reader, I just can't bear to let go)

    "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can make me think I deserved it."

    Very insightful, I really mean it. After that the comic itself, while not awful, did nothing new. It took four panels to say what the alt text had already said so well. The artwork is not bad, at least you can tell that the child is a child this time, but it adds nothing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The comic itself is stupid. The response to the kid's final question is that the capacity to interpret, tolerate, and put in perspective a person's comment is left entirely to the individual. Its effect on you remains your own. Physical harm, on the other hand, will always damage you no matter how much perspective you give it. What he's basically saying is that the opinion of other people is the most important thing.

      Conclusion: Randall would be a bad parent.

      Other conclusion: xkcd sucks is Randall's deepest sorrow. Yesssssss.

      Alt-text is ok if taken outside the context of the comic.

      Delete
  35. HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Asperger losers!

    DSM-5 incorporates Asperger disorder, childhood disintegrative disorder, and pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) into autism spectrum disorder.
    NO special status now!

    "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can make me think I deserved it."

    On the surface, a very profound statement, but when you look deeper, it betrays its true superficiality. Unfortunately, the statement pre-supposes that all parties to the conversation identify and define each and every word in an identical fashion. This is never the case, especially when one is dealing with fucking Yankees!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Unfortuantley for Rob, DSM-5 now distinguishes between paraphilic behaviours, or paraphilias, and paraphilic disorders. Rob's sexuoerotic embellishment of the prose one finds on Hallmark Cards is now a full-blown disorder!

    Innit?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i always wanted an excuse, it's all good

      Delete
    2. Excuse?
      Do you think this frees you from responsibility? Absolves you in any way? You are not absolved of blame or responsibility for your preversions.

      Delete
    3. i've never had any responsibility, this just gives me a convenient thing to say when people blame me for something

      'it's not my fault, i have a disease!'

      Delete
    4. If the disease obviates unease, is it not an ease?

      Delete
  37. Rob, you are truly a master troll. 10/10!

    ReplyDelete
  38. 1216 is the first good goatkcd in quite a while. This is because xkcd has tended to be single panel for some time. I guess Randall's devoting much of his attention to the Time comic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought Randall had everything for Time drawn out already.

      Delete
    2. What are you talking about? The goatkcd version of 1212 was damned hilarious!

      Delete
    3. I'm just gonna say it - goatkcd sucks. It's 'ironic' hipster bullshit using a tired, tired meme, and you people are sheeple for giving it any time at all.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous May 25, 2013 at 1:49 PM was forced to say,

      ".......I'm just gonna say it - goatkcd sucks. It's 'ironic' hipster bullshit using a tired, tired meme, and you people are sheeple for giving it any time at all......"

      I'm just going to pixellate it; you're a fucking cunt! And with your definitely non-ironic mentions of both a goat and sheep lead me to believe that you are a fucking zoophiliac cunt at that. And I'm a fucking pederast for giving you any time at all.

      Delete
  39. Rob prated,

    ".....'it's not my fault, i have a disease!'......"

    The alleged assertion that you may, or may not, have a disease is the fault of whom then - if not you?
    Society?
    Genetic predisposition?
    Matter of taste?
    For kicks?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just read the xkcd forums. Apparently most xkcd readers are precious little pieces of stained glass who can't endure a little bit of teasing, and who think teaching children to endure it is the wrong thing to do.

      I'm not surprised. Fortunately, they're all virgins for life and will never breed.

      Delete
    2. Unlike us sexually active jocks. Sucks to be those nerds, right?

      Delete