Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Comics 1170-1176: Time Cube

1170. Randy is really fond of rehashing really obvious jokes. F

1171. Also really old ones. F

1172. lol linux D+

1173. Randy is totally cool with Lance Armstrong. C-

1174. Randy is also pretty fond of using his own jokes over again. F

1175. Why? F

1176. Every now and then, Randy posts a comic about why he hates people. As a weird misanthropic recluse myself I should get behind it, but he's trying to make it sound so profound. D-

206 comments:

  1. am I the only one who thinks "GIANT SQUID!" guy (and probably everyone at that table) probably has a mental disability?

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    1. That just seems like the sort of thing an overly enthusiastic nerd would say. Although I suppose that itself is a sort of mental disability.

      Delete
  2. munroe hates people, the gossipy bastards; he is also WELL ABOVE the rest of us on his HIGH HORSE of fucking MORAL SUPERIORITY. just you try to catch munroe saying a bad word about anyone.

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    1. The horrible thing is, there really are some xkcd fans who would miss the sarcasm in that comment.

      Delete
    2. It's horrible, but it comes with the territory - no different from, "The horrible thing is, there really are some Nazis who want to kill the Jews."

      The difference is that there are only about 10-20 million Jews in the world, so Nazi hatred is actually fairly directed. A Munroe acolyte, however, impacts the whole world with his denial of reality.

      Delete
  3. 1176 was where I finally saw the light. I've had just about enough of the 'nerdy, quirky people are better than you' crap. (And yes, I totally see the irony of how he thinks he's so much better than people who talk badly about others when they're not around that he made a comic in which he calls them assholes behind their backs.)

    Every so often, he does this. He loves the idea of converting normal people into nerds with just a bullet point from a trivia book. He's like an evangelical loser.

    Munroe says: "Did you know birds are dinosaurs?"
    He expects to hear: "No I didn't! That's amazing! Let's pour over books and the internet for hours discovering that deep down inside I'm a huge geek."
    What would really happen: "Yeah, so?"

    The amount of time I or any normal person could remain interested in a giant squid conversation is approximately a half second shorter than it took to read the giant squid-related speech bubbles in this comic. As in "Hey, did you know giant squids exist? They do, and there's a video, but it's blurry..." and I'm already wandering away looking for someone else to talk to who has actually been on speaking terms with reality in the past decade.

    Why in the hell would you spend any amount of time talking about something that has the least impact on your life of any topic to talk about? Listening to the time and temperature is more riveting than talking about a freaking animal that is so secluded from human kind that it costs millions of dollars to even prove that it exists.

    And really, what's the difference to an outsider between cool nerdy shit and uncool nerdy shit. Like when one of the assholes in his comics starts going on about dinosaur birds and we're supposed to swoon at how hip they are, what if that conversation were replaced with one about the metabolic regulating organs in a honey bee's thorax. "Cool!" all the other assholes in the comic would say.

    Just stop. You can be interested freaking squids all you want, but stop pretending like that makes you special or better.

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    1. > Why in the hell would you spend any amount of time talking about something that has the least impact on your life of any topic to talk about?

      I think this comment is dumb. Apart from that, your post is fairly sound. 8/10

      Delete
    2. > Just stop. You can be interested freaking squids all you want, but stop pretending like that makes you special or better.

      I agree with this.

      > The amount of time I or any normal person could remain interested in a giant squid conversation is approximately a half second shorter than it took to read the giant squid-related speech bubbles in this comic.

      No one fucking agrees with this. What is wrong with you. Squids are awesome.

      Delete
    3. He's probably one of those people who, whenever there's a scientific breakthrough, asks "what are the REAL WORLD APPLICATIONS of this?" and thinks humanities endowments should be struck from the budget because you can't eat novels, college boy.

      Other than that, I agree with him.

      Delete
    4. > Why in the hell would you spend any amount of time talking about something that has the least impact on your life of any topic to talk about? Listening to the time and temperature is more riveting than talking about a freaking animal that is so secluded from human kind that it costs millions of dollars to even prove that it exists.

      Really, man? Don't you have any curiosity?

      The "I'm so different and special because I'm a quirky nerd" superiority complex is bullshit.

      Getting excited and fascinated by the stupendous oddities of life is really awesome, and it's even better with like-minded people.

      XKCD's fatal flaw is that it gives us too much of the former and too little of the latter.

      Delete
  4. So 1170 is what all the dumb-ass teenage Randal wannabes fantasize about when their mothers tell them no?

    The actual interesting part of the comic happens before the first panel. Why wouldn't the mother let him go with his friends? "Doesn't matter. I'm a fucking teenager who reads xkcd. I'm always fucking right about everything." But really, was it a party? Was he going out late on a school night? Maybe instead of trusting his 'levelheaded friends' he should trust his mother who has invested a sizable chunk of her life into his proper upbringing. But we'll never know what the reasoning was for this conversation to even exist, because we're supposed to walk into it already on little teenage Randal's side. "He's so smart, he's gonna make his mom end up making lame excuses because she's just left speechless by how smart and cool he is."

    Then those loser xkcd kids go home, waiting for the first chance to try this out on their own mothers, and here's what happens:
    XKCD Kid: "But what if all my levelheaded friends were jumping off of a bridge to escape a fire! Then they'd be smart and you'd be the dumb one for staying on the bridge."
    Mom: "Is this fucking house on fire? Are all of your 'levelheaded' friends' houses on fire too? Is that why they all decided to run out of them to run to a fucking party with underage drinking on a goddamn school night? How stupid do you think I am?"

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    1. I remember there was one guy on some other forum who would talk about how he was smarter than his parents, and both they and he knew it. So whenever they tried to discipline him he would sit them down and explain why he was right to do what he was doing and therefore disciplining him would be wrong and it would be ineffective anyway, since he knew that he was right. And they would listen, say, "yes, you are right son", and apologize for trying to discipline him. (In other threads, he turned out to be one of those obnoxious people who insist that they're right based on a very specific interpretation of the evidence - which often turned out to be wrong - and that everyone else is simply not being reasonable for not sharing that interpretation, even when many other equally valid interpretations existed. Wonder how that happened.)

      It's what every xkcd-reading teenager aspires to be.

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    2. Anon@9:53, if you'd ended that with, "And that person turned out to be Hitler," rather than the predictable consequence in the brackets then I'd have felt a better sense of completion.

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    3. I remember there was one guy who would talk about how he was smarter than his parents, and both they and he knew it. So whenever they tried to discipline him he would sit them down and explain why he was right to do what he was doing and therefore disciplining him would be wrong and it would be ineffective anyway, since he knew that he was right. And they would listen, say, "yes, you are right son", and apologize for trying to discipline him.

      He turned out to be one of those obnoxious people who insist that they're right based on a very specific interpretation of the evidence - which often turned out to be wrong - and that everyone else is simply not being reasonable for not sharing that interpretation, even when many other equally valid interpretations existed.

      And that person was Hitler.

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    4. what if - that's right, munroe, what if - all your friends decided to stop going on and on about physics and how non-physicists are stupid? what if they all learned to draw properly? what if all your friends installed WINDOWS VISTA?

      Delete
    5. > munroe, what if - all your friends

      Woah there.

      Delete
    6. @god: you have too much free time in your hands.

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    7. On the first day, cuddlefish made a pun, and everyone groaned.

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    8. No, he made the groaned for everybody to stand a pun.

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    9. My pun was fucking ingenious, by the way. Flew right over the average xkcdsucker's head, apparently.

      Oh well, one day archaeologists will dig it up as a stray data point and wonder about the erudite wit who crafted such a line. Their speculation will fall short of the mark, of course, the human imagination being nothing to the breadth of my personality, but it's charming to think how hard they're going to work at it.

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    10. Everyone gets it, no one cares. Are you new here?

      Delete
    11. No actually 1:54 I didn't get it, and still don't.

      Delete
  5. why is this review titled time cube?

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    1. Because. By the way I'm using Siri to dictate that message. Does a pretty good job at understanding my accent. Wait how do I stop he sees friend. No I didn't mean he sees friend I meant Gieske's phone. No man I said that Deiss easy phone. This is fun. Well finally that worked

      Haha it had started so well :'( Is my accent that crappy. And who is that 'Gieske' guy anyway. And 'Deiss'.

      Delete
    2. you are ignorant of 4 simultaneous days

      Delete
  6. If 1174 gets an F for reusing 869, 1176 should get one too for reusing 602.

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    1. it gets an F for a number of reasons, one of which is reusing 869.

      Delete
  7. Just found this site. So you're so bitterly obsessed with xkcd that not only do you have each comic memorized, you still read each new comic just so you can piggy back off his success with your own "edgy" comments?

    Cool life you have there.

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    1. Yes because it takes such dedication to read a few comics in a row once every other week or so and write a one-sentence "review" for each one.

      Delete
    2. "piggy back off his success"

      yeah i'm pretty sure rob puts away a cool 5k from this site

      per day

      Delete
    3. 1. Rob dictates his review to his secretary, ALTF, closes his mouth, then falls asleep;
      2. Cuddlefish posts hate;
      3. xkcdsucks posters extract sunlight from hate;
      4. Rob is woken by sunlight hitting his eyes;
      5. Rob wearily opens his mouth, and food is continually pumped into it;
      6. Fertile manure is gradually made available to power the xkcdsucks server;
      7. When enough fuel is obtained, the food pump is switched off;
      8. Goto 1.

      Anon@1:45, you are the essential ingredient in step 2. Thank you for keeping this site alive.

      Delete
    4. >2013
      >not realising that everyone except hunter-gathering cavemen piggybacks off everyone else's success

      Delete
    5. Hey, yo mama so ugly she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.

      Delete
    6. Fuck off, Randall. Your comic is shitty, just accept it.

      Delete
    7. @4:51
      >2013
      >not realising that the rich are actually piggybacking off everybody else's failure

      Delete
    8. Not sure which is more pathetic. Spending your free time talking shit about somebody who is much more successful then you, or spending your free time defending the guy who spends his free time talking shit about a guy who is much more successful then him. I'll have to recheck my math, but early results indicate that swinging from a nobodies nutsack tends to make you less then said nobody.

      Delete
    9. what about the person who spends their free time talking shit in the comments section of a nobody's blog

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    10. Hoisted on my own petar.

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  8. Since people are writing huge boring wals of text, let me try too:

    Back in the days of Windows 95, one of my colleagues paid a visit to his counterparts over in the Windows NT team as part of a continuing informal engagement to keep the Windows NT developers aware of the crazy stuff we've been doing on the Windows 95 side.

    One particular time, his visit occurred in late morning, and it ran longer than usual, so the Windows NT folks said, "Hey, it's lunchtime. Do you want to join us for lunch? It's sort of our tradition to go to Chili's for lunch on Thursdays."

    My colleague cheerfully accepted their offer.

    The group were shown to their table, and the Windows NT folks didn't even look at the menus. After all, they've been here every week for who-knows-how-long, so they know the menu inside-out.

    When the server came to take the orders, they naturally let my colleague order first, seeing as he was their special guest.

    "I'll have a chicken ranch sandwich."

    The folks from the Windows NT team then placed their orders.

    "I'll have the turkey sandwich."

    "Turkey sandwich."

    "A turkey sandwich for me, please."

    Every single person ordered a turkey sandwich.

    After the server left, my colleague asked, "Why do you all order the turkey sandwich?"

    They explained, "We've been coming here for a long time, and we eventually figured out that, at least at this restaurant, the turkey sandwich takes the least time to prepare."

    What my colleague forgot to ask was, "Well, since I already ordered something else, I naturally screwed up your highly-optimized algorithm. So why didn't you order something else?"

    Note: I actually don't know who ordered first. I just made up that part of the story to make it funnier. (Note that I make up parts of other stories, too. I'm not a historian. I'm a storyteller.)

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    1. So the chicken-sandwich-orderer will have to eat his sandwich more quickly, risking indigestion.

      A Windows 95 developer receives his just desserts.

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    2. I thought I recognized Raymond Chen's writing style: http://blogs.msdn.com/b/oldnewthing/archive/2013/02/05/10391042.aspx

      Delete
  9. I can't tell if I squirt or if I just have a weak bladder and wet myself when I orgasm. Does anyone know how to tell the difference?

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    1. A good portion of the fluid in a squirt is urine content anyway, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

      Delete
    2. I usually love XKCD and think Rob is a borderline sociopath; however on 1176, I think Randy is being really weird and judgmental. "yeah... if you talk about people who aren't around, I don't want to be your friend". What a weirdo.

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    3. not a sociopath, just borderline

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    4. When I said borderline sociopath, I meant dangerous sociopath.

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    5. listen i am not denying that i am dangerously unstable and unfit for interacting with regular society on more than a very trivial level, but 'sociopath' is just not an accurate diagnosis

      Delete
  10. So you think Ghengis Khan was an asshole?

    *scoot* *scoot*

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  11. That which doesn't kill me, can't get any xp.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Not true. You only have to be defeated, not killed. And that doesn't take under consideration roleplaying xp and the like.

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    1. Sir, thank you for your insightful post! This blog is essential to my understanding of roleplaying, a key component of my lucrative business. If you would also like to earn of $60 an hour from home like me, you should go to www (d0t) swallowthatcum4cash (d0t) com.

      I hope to see you there to using your valuable skillset to make money in this legal fashion.

      Delete
    2. 3:38 probably has one of those shitty GMs who run pen and paper Diablo homages.

      Or... maybe he IS one of those GMs???!

      Delete
    3. why is www.swallowthatcum4cash.com still open?

      Delete
  13. I just logged in to say that the new 1177 is shitter than shit. I get the reference, but geez. It's just a pointless monologue that shouldn't be in comic form. The female stick figure serves no purpose, neither does the clock. The male stick figure doesn't have much of a purpose either. 1177 would have worked better in PLAIN TEXT FORMAT. But even then, it's just a rather obvious statement of the most obvious thing in the world. Is it supposed to be considered deep for telling us that we\re all going to die? If you think it is, then I hate you.

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    1. no it's very funny because imagine if the guy in terminator was consumed by existential doubt

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    2. On second thought, you raised some valid points. 1177 has become a lot funnier since you hamfistedly explained the joke.

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    3. Too bad Randall always draws the same sticks.

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    4. 12:29 you should know god is incapable of understanding irony

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    5. God hates SMBC. Keep note of that.

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    6. You should also know that 9:23 is incapable of distinguishing sarcasm from irony.

      Delete
    7. Sarcasm is "a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression" from the Greek sarkasmos meaning roughly "to bite". Irony is an incongruity between literal and the implied meaning. Yes it's from Wikipedia, but you should be embarrassed of that, not me.

      In his restatement of the central premise of 1177, 12:29 is making an ironic statement: the irony lying in the fact that obviously god understood the premise of the joke, and hence while ostensibly the restatement was meant to clarify, it was in fact a jibe at the original comic. god clearly understands that the remark was meant to be "sharp" or "cutting" but due to his inability to perceive the irony of the statement, could not divine it's intended recipient.

      However, god DOES seem to be capable of responding in an ironic fashion to 12:29, which raises further questions. Perhaps he is actually PARTICIPATING in the irony, and now we are the part of some delicate drama which is conducted for the benefit of the cuddlefish, or other, unsavvy observers. Or, perhaps you yourself, 6:17, are making ironic statements in your response to MY statement, the implications of which have made me choke on the Mickey's I am spraying into my mouth with a miniature drug store squirt gun, which in turn distracted me from the Tombstone pizza I was microwaving, which has now set my house on fire. I am dead.

      Delete
    8. "It's" means "it is," you dumb shit.

      Delete
    9. OH NO contractions

      Delete
  14. what it is is that munroe used to be able to go round going look at me I'm YOUNG and I have ACHIEVED all of THIS when I am STILL so YOUNG look all my "comics" are about the "school experience" and "learning" and shit because I am YOUNG and I remember what it was like at UNIVERSITY unlike you OLD PEOPLE

    and now he's going to be 30 next year (yes I actually just checked that) and he's doing that fucking cuntish thing that some people do when they are nearing 30 which is go round clutching their chests dramatically and going "ZOMG I AM SOOOOO OOOOOOOOLLLLLDDDDDD" while the rest of the world looks on in disgust if over 30 and uncomprehending derision if under.

    you wait. you wait. one day you'll be actually old and know how it actually feels to be staring death in the face. skull. whatever. don't you fucking come crying to me then. well, you won't be able to, I'll be dead

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    1. Actually those far-too-death-fearing-and-awarely-so fucks get kind of interestingly crazy when they're old, but I mean really old, like; less than two decades away from the reaping or so. I wonder if XKCD will be any good when Randy reach that stage.

      Delete
    2. luckily I will be DEAD so I will never know.

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    3. That can't be true because Randall's all carpe diem plus his wife is struggling through cancer so why wouldn't he have better perspective than that?

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    4. Because Randall thinks he understands existentialism. Actually confronting the condition of aging would require him to develop philosophies that didn't involve sloppily mimetic regurgitation of what people on the Darwin Awards forum thought about Sartre.

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    5. randy: you have never written anything clever about existentialism and i don't think you're about to sartre

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    6. let alone korkegird

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    7. Randy doesn't nietzsche approval, Rob.

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    8. Arendt you guys funny? Stop it though 'cause I did Heidegger get mauled by a rabid badger than hear another lame pun.

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    9. why don't Jugo somewhere else if you don't like it

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    10. So Rob decided that using names that no-one ever heard about was a-okay. Might as well make them up.

      Oops sorry guys, I have to go. The mall just opened, so it's time to go buy some stuffs.

      In other words: it's Schopenhauer.

      Delete
    11. i have you know i spent literal minutes skimming the wikipedia article on existentialists for a good pun name

      Delete
    12. Okay, okay, relax everyone. What'll it take to Camus down?

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    13. Nothing ever will if you guys don't stop Fanon the flames.

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    14. I Kant help it :(

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    15. Fanon? Kant? Ok, now two can just Fuck off.



      *There's actually a german existentialist philosopher called Fuck. I bet.

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    16. I Derrida anyone what thinks puns are acceptable

      'gramenta'

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    17. I suggest we play a new game then: let's put on different types of garments (or "gramenta" in weaselsoup's broken Latin) and see how many of each we manage to put on in a limited period of time.

      My coat rate is 48 per minute, and my Socrates about 82.

      Delete
    18. Euripides trousers, Eumenides trousers

      'folsesse'

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    19. Are you pronouncing Socrates as 'sock rates'? I hope Descartes you away for that.

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    20. I'm aFreud you are mistaken, cat. I meant it as "sock rate is".

      Yeah btw I'm reading a book on the "Freudian myth". It's really interesting. The main thesis of the book is: Freud was simply a philosopher, and his philosophy, psycho-analysis, is probably amazingly accurate...in how it describes Freud's own demons and fantasies. His basic methodology was very consistent over the years: he starts from things he has felt at some point in his life, then generalized it to the whole humanity, since the first human being to the last one. No scientific rigor at any point, a lot of back-pedaling and outright lies, and even deaths due to his incompetence (for instance his friend who was addicted to morphine, and who he prescribed cocaine to instead. He was himself a heavy user at some point, and thought cocaine could heal pretty much anything and was the bestest thing on Earth).

      Delete
    21. Most of the denial of psychoanalysis come from the fact that humans naturaly present resistance to acknowledging facts that cause them to have a self perspective which makes themselves feel inferior, it is merely a involuntary reaction to protect one's self esteem. Since accepting the Freudian description of man - as an extremaly weak and savage creature (to put it lightly) - would surely bring devastation of a person's most profound vital lies it's not uncommon to react to psychoanalysis with - a self defensive - facetious scorn.

      The four horsemen of western thought (Nietzsche, Marx, Darwin and Freud) are all - to different measures - rejected for this same reason: Their greatest blowns were dealed to the egos of christians.

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    22. most of the denial of psychoanalysis comes from the fact that Freud was just straight up making shit up. he was basically a blogger.

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    23. ^^ This.

      Virtually none of Freud's work has survived modern psychological and psychiatric scholarship. He's a footnote in the history of the study of the mind now, nothing more.

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    24. Freud's stuff is interesting if you think of him as a cultural theorist & literary critic. all that protostructuralist analysis of sophocles, for example, is kind of cool

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    25. One of the good things with psychoanalysis is that if you agree with Freud, it proves his theories are true, but if you don't agree, then it's even a better proof, because you're in denial. Very convenient!

      One of the best things I found in that book was Freud's theory about fire. Here I've found the quote on the net:

      "Psycho-analytic material, incomplete as it is and not susceptible to clear interpretation, nevertheless admits of a conjecture – a fantastic-sounding one – about the origins of this human feat. It is as though primal man had the habit, when he came into contact with fire, of satisfying the infantile desire connected with it, by putting it out with a stream of his urine. The legends that we possess leave no doubt about the originally phallic view taken of tongues of flame as they shoot upward. Putting out the fire by micturating – a theme to which modern giants, Gulliver in Lilliput and Rabelais’ Gargantua, still hark back – was therefore a kind of sexual act with a male, an enjoyment of sexual potency in a homosexual competition. The first person to renounce this desire and spare the fire was able to carry it off with him and subdue it to his own use. By damping down the fire of his own sexual excitation, he had tamed the natural force of fire. This great cultural conquest was thus the reward for his renunciation of instinct. Further, it is as though woman had been appointed guardian of the fire which was held captive on the domestic hearth, because her anatomy made it impossible for her to yield to the temptation of this desire. It is remarkable, too, how regularly analytic experience testifies to the connection between ambition, fire, and urethral eroticism.
      (Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents, Standard Ed., tr. James Strachey. Norton, 1989. pp. 42-43)"


      A great thinker indeed.

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    26. Freud may have been rejected in his time but modern social conservatives love to cite him because his wacky views on gender and sexuality are the closest thing they have to scientific support for their bullshit.

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    27. And what's cool is that Freudism goes pretty well with progressivism too. IDK if you've heard of the May 1968 protests, but a lot of those guys were pretty fond of Oedipus etc. Killing the father, be it god, the government or actual fathers, isn't exactly the kind of ideas conservatives love. As always, people pick the bits they like in what they read.

      Sadly, they tend to forget about the hilarious bits; his theory on fire was pretty good, but he knew about music too! Couldn't find it in English so have a translation from French by yours truly:

      "I noticed, when analyzing several musicians, that they had a special interest, that goes back to their childhood, for noises we produce with our intestines. ... There is a strong anal component to that passion for the world of sound." (Letter to Stefan Zweig, June 25, 1931)

      I am a musician, and a music-lover. Freud confessed he didn't like music that much. When you think about it, it's true that music does sound a bit like farts?

      Delete
    28. Rob - You're a blogger.

      12:58 - Pfff!

      2:15 - Absolutely irrelevant to the core of his theory. Also: You're reading a book that criticises Freud without actually having read Freud's own work?

      3:52 - I dare you to read Conservapedia's page on Freud. Do you have the guts?

      9:30 - Refer to my asnwer to 2:15.





      PS: captcha = dongey

      Delete
    29. I never tried to say that conservative ramblings were logically consistent. They wouldn't be conservative if they were.

      Delete
    30. Those quotes may have nothing to do with his core theory. That doesn't stop them from being hilariously stupid.

      Delete
    31. "Core theory"? You mean things like Oedipus? Then what do you think of his story about the original killing and eating of the father by the sexually frustrated sons, in Totem and Taboo (whose subtitle is too often omitted, sadly. It's "Resemblances Between the Mental Lives of Savages and Neurotics").

      And to answer your question, I did read some Freud directly, but not a single book in its entirety (not by far). I mostly studied him at school, as well as read about psychoanalysis on my own. I had never read about his theories on fire and music for instance, and I'm grateful to the author (Michel Onfray) of the book I'm reading, who actually read every single published work of Freud, as well as all his correspondences, and the main books (including biographies) written about him. I don't care enough about his theories to do that. As I'm sure you don't, but maybe I'm being presumptuous here.

      To get back to the fire and music theories, they are part of psychoanalysis, hence I don't see why we should ignore them when discussing his credibility. Of course even great thinkers - and scientists, which he was not even though he desperately tried to pass as one - have some junk in their works. It's just that in the case of Freud, junk is the norm, interesting insight - which I don't deny he had at times - is the exception. His methodology makes me think of what I did back in high school, only slightly different, namely I'd get stoned and write philosophical bullshit in my notebook, and then convince myself this is actually how the world works.

      And a last quote maybe. Freud had a patient who was reluctant to shave and to drink beer. But just like he found out about the original murder of the father, the taming of fire, and the origin of musicians' interest in music, he managed to work out what had happened to his patient!

      "Will you believe that the reluctance to drink beer and to shave was elucidated by a scene in which a nurse sits down podice nudo (note: 'with bare buttocks') in a shallow shaving bowl filled with beer in order to let herself be licked, and so on?" (Letter to Wilhelm Fliess, December 17, 1896)

      He sometimes uses Latin when speaking about his fetishes. For instance, when he talked to Fliess about the Oedipus complex for the first time, he said that when he saw his matrem nudam ('mother nude') at age 2, he felt sexually aroused. Yup. He makes up his own memories to explain his current fantasies and to back up his theories.

      Also, funny how the topic of incest has made its way back to xkcdsucks!

      Delete
    32. the x stands for 'xxx incest'

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    33. Yeah, you're right. Nevermind what I said.

      Delete
  15. Rob said,

    "........As a weird misanthropic recluse myself I should get behind it......"

    Nu?
    Like a cross between Howard Hughes and Humbert Humbert then?
    Like Jerome David S?

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  16. I have oft' regaled you cunts with that timeless story about when I had sexual congress with this weird misanthropic recluse guy simply because he pronounced the names, "Goethe" and "Camus" correctly. Well, I do not recall if I ever finished the yarn. I have not, apparently, reported as to the efficacy of that ill-conceived gambit.
    How was he? In short, he was pus!

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    1. the only things I can pronounce correctly are "Joseph Goebbels" and an engraving of a scene from Anna Karenina.

      Delete
    2. I can pronounce Kierkegaard's name.





      Blow me, bitch.

      Delete
    3. Do shut up, Euromuppet.

      Delete
    4. I can't even spell Kirkeguard :/

      Delete
  17. Why is time supposed to be a robot? Does Randy subscribe to the "God as the watchmaker" theory?

    What's that hairless stick figure carrying anyway? An oversized hairpin? I'm pants at interpreting those squiggles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In the movie, Reese was carrying a shotgun when he said that.

      So clearly it's a straw through which Randy can drink the mute girl's milk.

      Delete
  18. time cube is the gold standard for internet crazy

    ReplyDelete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's okay, cptnoremac, we've known about your fetish for some time.

      Delete
    2. I was blissfully unaware of how much you could fit in a urethra before reading that post. :/

      Delete
    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  20. A philosophy blog I follow published an article about Miguel de Unamuno yesterday. What are the odds?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not that low. In my experience philsophy blogs are wont to write about philosophers.

      Delete
    2. but there have been many philosophers! Ergo, the chances are 1/many.

      Delete
  21. oh 'joy' a 'new' 'comic'. didn't munroe *just* do his contempt for 'pickup artists'? like, a month ago or something? is he feeling gloomy again about being 'off the market'? white beret guy is the cunt to end all cunts. the ubercunt.

    'woroble'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The worst part is that he picked a joke with actual potential, but presented it in such a manner that you could not possibly laugh at it.

      Delete
    2. You're talking about the alt-text right? Because the rest of the comic was garbage. If Randall could actually write then he'd realize that he had a good joke when he came up with "friend-zone" and redone his comic, hell, he could've just reversed the jokes. A bad alt-text doesn't ruin a passable comic, but a good alternate doesn't save a shitty joke.

      Delete
    3. No. I really think that pointing out how "pick up artistry" is a misleading term for it doesn't involve any form art at all is genuinely a good setting for a joke.

      Delete
    4. I think "misleading" is a misleading term because it doesn't involve any metal lead.

      Delete
    5. I'm pretty sure Anon 3:38 doesn't have a fucking clue what he is talking about, considering the alt-text is suppose to provide context for the comic. Most comics with alt-text don't make any fucking since with out the alt-text...dip shit.

      Delete
    6. Dearest Anonymous February 26, 2013 at 1:08 AM,

      "......Most comics with alt-text don't make any fucking since with out the alt-text...dip shit......"

      Much like your unlettered sentence, ignorant fucking cunt!
      Proofread your garbage, arsehole, before you inflict it upon us.
      Besides, your are so wrong in your assertion regarding the "alt-text" that, compared to you, the very concept of wrongness itself displays a certain aura of correctitude.

      Delete
    7. And to the "I Wish It Was Anonymous",Eumesmopo February 25, 2013 at 8:13 PM?

      You're just as fucking illiterate as most of the Anonymous cowards one finds here 'bouts.

      Delete
    8. Fuck off Eumesmopo.
      I'm listening to Enya

      Let me sail, let me sail, let the Orinoco flow,
      Let me reach, let me beach on the shores of Tripoli.
      Let me sail, let me sail, let me crash upon your shore,
      Let me reach, let me beach far beyond the Yellow Sea.

      You're right. I am unlettered and quite innumerate. As long as some believe that I am not, however, I will get by.

      Must be getting early; clocks are running late.
      Paint-by-number morning sky looks so phony.
      Dawn is breaking everywhere; light a candle, curse the glare.
      Draw the curtains; I don't care, 'cause it's alright
      I will get by.
      I will get by.
      I will get by.
      I will survive.

      Oh and there's some LSD involved.

      Delete
    9. LSD? Well, then someone needs to prevent you from swallowing your tongue in case you overdose, preferably by sticking a long object inside your mouth. Don't worry though, I can take care of that.

      Delete
    10. better than LDS

      Delete
  22. We've been teaching parrots how to talk for centuries, surely by now someone's figured out how to teach them how to post on internet forums.

    ReplyDelete
  23. For at least the next dozen xkcd comics my first thought will be scooting.

    ReplyDelete
  24. first "blood"
    While Americas are homeless, suffering diseases'
    Barrack Hussein is passing out Visas !!!
    Unforgivable ploy, a racist selection,
    to improve his Chance, in the coming Election !!!
    A slap in the face, an utter disgrace,
    both his Terms, decided by RACE !!
    A ruthless plan, an American heist,
    sold America's soul, to the Anti-Christ.
    America Loses !! Terrorists Win !!
    because you Voted~ by the color of skin !
    Wake up America, this doesn't make sense,
    it's time to Impeach this--Swag Clown Prince !!!
    Stand UP for your Country, make it worth living,
    get off your ass, stop demanding its giving.
    Take back Our jobs, Our homes, and Our pride,
    cut back !! on outsourcing, set work visas ASIDE !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. errrrrrmmmmm, what coming election is that? I mean, I know this was just a cut and paste, but somehow you still managed to try to hard.

      Delete
    2. Why did you read that far? I stopped reading at the second line when I couldn't make any sense of the plural possessive at the end of the first line.

      Delete
    3. the ' is right by the enter key. Us Fat-Fingered-Americans have to stick together.

      Delete
  25. Without me, look what becomes of this place!

    Yawny

    Yawny

    Cunt

    And yet another cunt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do believe that Eumesmopo and his delightful mixture of ignorance and obliviousness will usurp your good self as the primary source of irritation on this blog.

      Don't let it happen, ALT-F! Fight back!

      Delete
    2. Sorry, but how is ALT-F irritating? I mean, at least she uses somewhat interesting diction and syntax, though she seems to possess an inordinate fondness towards the word "cunt". The only other issue could be that she's abrasive, which merely places her among the many millions who post on the web, and that she tends to draw attention to herself, which is just masturbatory self indulgence, and is another thing found in all circles of the internet.

      Eumesmopo is just boring, unoriginal, and tends to adopt juvenile points of view and proclaim them as truth. That's why he's irritating.

      Delete
    3. ALT-F is irritating because from reading their posts you get the idea that they legitimately think well of themselves. But they're horrible. So that lack of self awareness is irritating.

      Delete
    4. 7:19. at this point your hard on for Eumesmopo is the only reason I continue visiting this blog. I have not been so captivated by such palpable sexual tension since the surprise blossoming of romance between Niles and CC in the late episodes of The Nanny.

      Delete
    5. A lot of people around here are, or at least were, irritated by ALT-F, hence she is irritating. I personally find her delightful.

      Delete
    6. There's nothing left here for her to be drowning out, so there's no longer any reason to be irritated by her.

      Delete
    7. There was never anything here.

      Delete
    8. There were more than eight or so people posting, for starters.

      Delete
  26. good

    this is great haha my laptop is full of cum

    5/5

    ReplyDelete
  27. 1170:
    You know that annoying guy who thinks he's clever by taking something you said and repeating it with a wacky twist? For instance, Patrick says, "Give me liberty or give me death!" and some neckbeard in the room says, "Give me libido or give me death olol!"

    Randall is like that guy, except he keeps going.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The energizer bunny is like that guy, except he keeps on going

      Delete
  28. Seriously; what the hell IS this?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ahhh, yes, what is it to be xkcd sucks? what is its essense? One could say it is essentially a stupid time sink, or that it is essentially trollers, trolling other trollers, being trolled by people who pretend to like a webcomic that no one else on the site even bothers to pretend to read anymore.

      Delete
    2. Will there be porn?

      If not, I may be able to fill a niche.

      Delete
    3. bet you reckon you're going to be filling altf's niche? eh?

      Delete
    4. If this site had fake internet points I could give out for witty inuendo, well of course I wouldn't give you one, because internet points are stupid, but I would totally feel like you deserved one.

      Delete
    5. i wish *someone* would give me one. ect

      Delete
  29. OF THIS EMPEROR,KING BARABAMA WHICH TO ME HE KEEPS ON RULING FOR MORE TAXES,REGULATIONS,GOVERN CONTROL,BIG BROTHER, HOW CAN WE ALL AMERICANS CALL OUR REPRESENTATIVES, SENATORS & DEMAND IMPEACHMENT ONCE & FOR ALL ???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe in you sir! Now, show those wankers what for! Storm the White House, and if you can't bring you're Caps Lock key with you, then just substitute it with a gun or other weapon of murder. That'll intimidate those lying politicians.

      Delete
    2. "You're" means "you are," you dumb shit.

      Delete
    3. America is the only country which demands more pain even after its own President says, "Half your representatives are selfish, short-sighted cunts and this is why you're going to suffer."

      At least in the tinpot South American dictatorships the figureheads were against you too.

      Delete
  30. http://xkcd.com/1179/

    http://xkcd.com/927/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha, that's classic randall i suppose.

      i sort of agree with him though, i mean, that really IS the standard date format - in the software industry, at least. that's how dates are stored in most database software and generally how they're dealt with in modern programming languages.

      so while i agree with him on that, for the rest of everyone? who the fuck cares? it doesn't really matter how you write it in real life, people will figure it out. personally, i'm fond of yyyy.mm.dd, which is what i use when typing or writing (but for programming i would always use yyyy-mm-dd).

      so i'm not really sure what randy's trying to say here. if he means that everyone should write like that all the time, then he's an ignorant douchenozzle. otherwise, well, all programmings already know how to format dates, right? i don't get it.

      Delete
    2. Hm no actually, some people do care, and not only programmers. Not even 15 minutes ago I had to pause and think about how I should read the date on one of the forums I go to. And mind you, I'm not speaking of period vs. dash.

      Delete
  31. "Resemblances Between the Mental Lives of Savages and Neurotics"

    You got me!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Lord Kitten February 26, 2013 at 2:22 PM mewled,

    ".......I do believe that Eumesmopo and his delightful mixture of ignorance and obliviousness will usurp your good self as the primary source of irritation on this blog.
    Don't let it happen, ALT-F! Fight back!......"

    The denizens of a Handy Comments Facility get the quality of irritation they deserve. And by "denizen", I mean for you cunts to understand it in the British sense.

    Nice to see you again, Lord Kitten.
    Query?
    The Tutor's niece, resident in Toronto, Canada, 21 years old and a spitting image of a young Catherine Deneuve, is letting a filthy Brit, on a three-year Work Visa, get a leg-over on her. The twit in question is a Sotonian, spent time near Leeds and attended St. Peter's School, York - you know, the place that educated Guy Fawkes?

    What should be done?
    Should The Tutor intervene?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At first I assumed he was merely exercising his droit de seigneur with the natives, and how dare you question your betters, but you say he is Sotonian? Put the townie scum in the stocks for impersonating a real person, then ship him to Portsmouth where he can live the remainder of his life in shame.

      Also, tell your tutor to get his own progeny to lord over. His current status is unbecoming of a man his age. People will talk.

      Delete
    2. "Droit de seigneur"? Fair enough, but the fair quadroon is almost a relative! She might be my neice one day! And this ain't Scotland during the time of William Wallace - "Our women are ours!"

      What of the Leeds connection? The only thing I know about Leeds is that The Who played live there.

      The Tutor decided not to procreate. Instead he emulates Quentin Crisp in all things except the Gayer bit.

      Delete
  33. Lord Kitten February 27, 2013 at 6:54 AM fawned,

    "......A lot of people around here are, or at least were, irritated by ALT-F, hence she is irritating. I personally find her delightful......."

    With the possible exception of you and Rob - yes, I too can toady - there has yet to manifest, to my liking at least, any person, or Google algorithm even, 'round here whom/which I consider to possess the reading comprehension skills required to make a determination as to whether I irritate or delight - much less possibly differentiate between the two cognitive responses my dross might elicit..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yesbut emotional responses such as irritation or delight aren't determined by or dependent on the reader's ability to discern intent or comprehend any form of objective 'meaning' now are they

      Delete
    2. The fuck they aren't weaselsoup.

      I'm a lexical girl, living in a lexical world.

      One's irritation with, or delight of, yours truly must necessarily originate in the reading of my word salads. You've access to no other venue, now do you? No you do not!
      In my case, here, objective, subjective or any other kind of 'meaning' is determined by, and dependant on, one's reading comprehension.

      And it goes without saying that my intent is malignant.
      Always.

      Delete
    3. However, authorial intent loses its primacy the moment the written word enters the reader's mind and becomes subject to interpretation. This forum being a world with little in the way of visual cues to the contrary, if it is true for you that my passage here is a depiction of internal frustrations being externally vented in the form of futile guttersniping, this is as good as true in your world regardless of what went on in my mind as I wrote it. Perhaps this interpretation was even my intention, and I would be glad to learn that my performance has in some way been validated, but whether or not that is true is unimportant.

      Likewise, if I were to read your output as representing an entity with highly sensitive erogenous zones in the armpits, one whose keenest masturbatory pleasure is that of making fart sounds within those armpits, and I am able to cleanly fit your body of work into this interpretation, then you may be, for all intents and purposes, for lack of any evidence to the contrary, such an entity in my reality.

      Delete
    4. Fuck off!
      No guttersniping is ever futile!

      Using the word "guttersniping", however, is fucking gay!

      Delete
    5. authorial intent - you are right of course 2:44, and statements by the author such as altf made are equally as unreliable as anything in the texts themselves , etc. i'd go as far as to say that 'intent' is always a red herring - so unknowable it's completely irrelevant. il n'y a pas de hors-texte, en fait. personally i think of altf's posts as epigraphic fragments, all that remains of the rants chiselled into the walls of ancient nineveh by a schoolboy with an attitude problem, surviving as random hieroglyphs on dusty rubble in Rob's museum

      Delete
    6. weaselsoup, please post more. One of your missives is worth a hundred of ALT-text's.

      Delete
  34. I've seen what getting jizzed on by a group of people does to a man, it is not pretty. I wasn't a part of it but when I was 12 or 13 I went to a sleep away summer camp and this is like when we were starting to discover porn and jacking off. Some kid brought some playboys and naked playing cards, sh*t like that with him. Anyway, one kid in our cabin was a huge tool, stole stuff like food and money from other people in our cabin. So half a dozen kids decided one night to wake up in the middle of the night at like 3 a.m and take turns jacking off in the bathroom, running out before they finished and blowing their load on the kid when he was sleeping. Literally 6-8 kids did this, all over his face, sheets, upper body, and hands, one kid also did it in his shoes. So everyone else wakes up the next morning and we all knew what had happened but this kid couldn't figure out why he was all sticky for like 15 minutes until a counselor forced it out of a kid. When the kid found out he went absolutely nuts, like certifiably crazy mental breakdown. He had to leave the camp for psychiatric treatment, worst part was after he took a shower and went to leave he stepped in the jizz shoes and also like 6 of my friends I never saw again because they got kicked out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG! SO HOT!

      Delete
    2. Correction: you've seen what getting jizzed on by a group of people does to a child.

      Now go find out what it does to a man.

      Delete
    3. Make sure you take pictures.

      Delete
  35. 1180 is shit. non computer people sure are dumb, eh? and how about that airplane food?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Comparing modern over-used jokes to airplane food jokes is the airplane food joke of modern criticism.

      Delete
  36. especially since this isn't true. Basically, if you are dumb enough to click on the "YouR comPuter needz teh codec!!!" thing that pops on all the pirate stream sites that you get to by googling "watch my favorite tv show online for free", you have 18 gabillion viruses on your computer, that are probably causing it to do all sorts of crazy shit. You don't have to be a computer whiz to figure out that the 20 minute boot up time and the porn ads constantly popping up out of no where might be due to a virus.

    A better venn diagram would be one of savvy computer users, and then non computer users, and then alt text that says "And none of them are my friends :("

    ReplyDelete
  37. You wlil hreeofncth need to enggae a "rdnaom" nubmer geeontrar Word De-smrclbaer to decode my grsebbiih.
    oRb can hlep you out I rcekon.

    Aepiologs.

    Cntus

    ReplyDelete
  38. A sreect admierr lfet a NZAI Egimna Cndiog Mhcinae otdiuse R'bos door yeasrtedy mironng. He can cacrk any coed now!

    Eeummspoo cna go fcuk hmleisf!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Replies
    1. have you tried unplugging yourself and plugging yourself back in?

      Delete
    2. Oh my god! Now even ALTF's lexicon is doing the harlem shake!

      Delete
  40. The peedncirg cmmonets by yuor's trluy have bene made psisbole by a grnat from the Jhon D. and Ctenhraie T. MrcAhtaur Foutndaion- cotmimted to buldinig a mroe just, vrendat, and pefueacl world. And by redaers liek you.

    Tahnk you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Reading scrambled words like this almost as easily as I so unscrambled words makes me wonder whether I ever read properly at all. I believe you have made me doubt myself.

      Delete
    2. FaultF is engaging the "anyone can read any word as long as the initial and final letters are vaguely in the right place" rule. Lysdexics fall over horribly on this exercise, however.

      Delete
  41. The tutor needs to take away your internet privileges.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Liesle,
      Teh Ttoru ca'n't take awya taht whcih he h'anst gievn.
      You nede to tlak to teh Bsos Flewor Gril fro taht.

      Delete
  42. Leslie = hottest chick on xkcdsucks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  43. Leslie = only chick on xkcdsucks

    ReplyDelete
  44. Without getting into the comic itself, I'd like to point out that 'Virus Venn Diagram' is one of the worst comic titles I've ever seen.

    ReplyDelete
  45. America is being warned for turning away from God. the first was 911, ever wonder how that could happen in acountry like America? The second is the Financial troubles starting in 2008 we're headed for collapse. Wake up America repent and return to God before it is too late.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now that you mention it... Where did JL go? I miss that guy.

      Delete
  46. It seems Randy has finally run out of stick figures to draw.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Anonymous March 3, 2013 at 9:26 AM pixellated,

    "......FaultF is engaging the "anyone can read any word as long as the initial and final letters are vaguely in the right place" rule. Lysdexics fall over horribly on this exercise, however......."

    You do not apepar to be tchik, preahps you are not tyinrg hrad eonugh?
    The fall is not holbrire, it is rlravetoey.

    ReplyDelete