Monday, June 11, 2012

Comics 1065-1067: A Laundry List Of Bad Comics

1065. This one actually surprised me. I totally pegged Randy for the sort of dude who would think Vibrams are the best thing ever.

1066. Randy is apparently still stalking college girls. He tries to take advantage of the fact that they need to do laundry sometimes in order to meet them, and notices that the longer he stalks them, the less likely they are to spend time in the common laundry area for him talk to them about how he makes a webcomic and has sex all the time.

1067. The fuck?

156 comments:

  1. 1067 is poking fun at the fact that Einstein created the theory of relativity while working at a patent office.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. see i was pretty sure that he was just saying like 'working at a patent office must be awesome because you get to see all these cool ideas people have' or whatever

      Delete
    2. lol, no. he was definitely making an Einstein reference.

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    3. oh no if someone walked in here and claimed to be Emma i might have to hang out with them for exactly five minutes ~Joee

      Delete
  2. "So... what've you been up to?"
    "Trying to get into art school."
    "Yeah, but... besides that."
    "That's about it."
    "You're not, like, thinking about any obnoxious ideals? Just curious."

    For the last hundred years, German watercolor painters have been under some weird kampfs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. godwin's law

      BLOG OVER

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    2. that's not godwin's law means YOU DOLT

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    3. Hitler was Austrian when he was trying to get into art school. He didn't become a German citizen until 1932.

      Delete
  3. Rob is proof that we need xkcdexplained to come back.

    People who studied Physics know that Einstein worked at a swiss patent office. XKCD is for people who have sophisticated, specialized knowledge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you not have sophisticated, specialized knowledge without studying physics?

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    2. the facts about where Einstein worked are history & therefore worthless knowledge according to xkcd

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    3. Physics is ALL about sophisticated, specialized knowledge. You learn about all these crazy facts for the sole purpose of making puns on the "Three Body Problem".

      Lol. Physicians can't have orgies.

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    4. weaselsoup, all non-research science is history.

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    5. & therefore worthless, according to xkcd

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    6. Hi Fernie Canto.

      A physician is a health care provider (probably medico or something similar in your native tongue), while a physicist is a student of physics.
      Also, the three body problem isn't really that problematic in the day of the computer, so possibly the joke could be changed to implying that the only threesome/orgy a physicist can get is on a computer, as in watching one on youporn og whatever. Unfortunately I'm not funny at all, so I'll leave the joke smithing to the readers of this blog.

      Delete
    7. Anyone who thinks that a brute force numerical solution means something is no longer "problematic" needs to commit suicide.

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    8. I disagree with 10:37.

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  4. Replies
    1. Cleopatra 2525

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    2. Boxbot 2012






































      ...is terrible.

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    3. @11:18:

      If man is still alive. If woman can survive, They may find...

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    4. Boxbot is the one candidate that unites everyone.

      Delete
  5. Willing to bet Randall just looked on Wikipedia for Einstein because it gives him the illusion of being smart, then thought of the patent office connection because NERDBAIT.

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  6. Everyone knows that Einstein worked in a Swiss patent office before he became known as a physicist. It's topical knowledge more than it's "special physics knowledge".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfortunately the correctness of your post is cancelled out entirely by your stupid LOOK GUISE I HAVE A GF avatar pic.

      Delete
    2. that was actually a self burn, anon, as you assume being horrible and alone is the norm for people posting here. the true shame of alex's avatar is that it's cloying (but maybe she's into that) and that everyone on the internet will know when they're no longer dating (she's probably into that).

      the correctness of my post is cancelled out by the irrelevance of personal criticism on the internet.

      Delete
    3. Hey Nonny Nonny MouseJune 12, 2012 at 8:00 PM

      in terms of coolness, LOOK GUISE I HAVE A GF pics < single guy pics < single girl pics < slutty single girl pics < LOOK GUISE I'M HAVING SEX WITH MY GF pics

      true story. you know what you need to do (hur hur hur), alex.

      Delete
    4. What nonny said. Put dick in mouth and update pic. But preferably of another woman cos she ain't got it goin' on, or whatever the patois is for "not very attractive".

      Delete
  7. The review of 1066 is insanely long; what happened to the xkcdsucks we all loved?

    As for the comics, I liked 1065, was rather neutral to 1066, and found 1067 about as funny as a footnote in a Wiki article. All in all, it's very balanced I guess.

    But to get back to 1067: not entirely sure there's something funny here. There's someone who worked as an X, but his real passion was Y. His later contributions to Y would prove to be important. What if we expected all X to revolutionize Y? :D The answer is: an unfunny comic. The best way to kill humor is to dissect it, but IDK, I think the unfunniness was already there without me having to look for it.

    Or maybe it was simply badly executed, but it's hard to say since humor relies more on execution than on the actual joke material in most cases IMO.

    ReplyDelete
  8. http://xkcdprime.blogspot.com/2012/06/xkcd-1067-pressures-over-my-head-i.html

    ReplyDelete
  9. "I totally pegged Randy"
    -Rob

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  10. this blog has completely gone to shit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, unlike the brilliant light of awesomeness that it used to be

      Delete
    2. It really was, though. Once upon a time, this blog was a shining beacon of hope and freedom to those who sought refuge from the crushing tyranny of the Randalites who had swarmed to every corner of the Internet. Then Carl died or something and Robdall grew fatter on the tears and milk of xkcd haters, who were once again left drifting aimlessly without a place to call home. Like Jews or gypsies, but not as loathsome.

      Delete
    3. xkcdsucks sucks.

      Delete
  11. "I totally pegged Randy"
    -Anonymous

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  12. Replies
    1. I wish more girls were into pegging. :(
      -Strapon Lover Zed

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    2. I wish more guys were into more girls who were into pegging :(

      Delete
    3. Nipple Clamper DwayneJune 13, 2012 at 7:38 AM

      "Strapon Lover Zed" sounds like a name of a trainer from some warped Pokemon game.

      "Hiker John"
      "Youngster Zack"
      "Rich Boy Neil"
      "Strapon Lover Zed"

      I guess he would mainly use Digletts.

      Delete
  13. I'm starting to think that xkcd is really making jokes here. Randall knows that whoever is making the posts will write something, no matter what, about every comic Randall writes, so Randall is trying to a) make a good joke on xkcd AND MORE IMPORTANT make a joke here. So we're a black box for jokes. And it explains why xkcd is just random nowadays. Or about Wikipedia. He wants to see when Carl or Rob or Sally or whoever it is cracks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carl cracked, Rob is engineered not to crack. Carl is like a bridge, Rob is like a river.

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    2. A river of suck.

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    3. A river of lard ha ha.

      Delete
  14. Randall Munroe, Ryan Sohmer, Tim Buckley, Andrew Dobson, and Michael Terraciano are all attending a horrible webcomic writer convention in an incinerator/trash compactor/giant robotic shark that is about to be turned on. You can only save one of them and must do so or you will go to jail for the next forty years due to the whacked-out justice system of the United States (where you are in this hypothetical scenario because it's a goddamn hypothetical scenario). Who do you save?

    Personally, I think I'd save Mookie. Compared to the others, he seems relatively harmless - aside from maybe having a gore fetish - and un-obnoxious - aside from a bunch of little things like still being hung up on the "jocks vs. nerds" middle school mentality, constantly mentioning he's a vegan, constantly using the word "metal" the way some people use the word "epic", and going by the nickname "Mookie").

    Second choice is Sohmer. While he's extremely obnoxious, at least he isn't a waste of breath like the remaining three.

    Randall would be a close third, or maybe the second on a good day. Nothing to be said about him that hasn't been said a thousand times on this blog.

    Fourth choice would be Buckley. He's a horrible person, an art thief, and possibly a pedophile, but he still doesn't manage to annoy me as much as Dobson.

    Dobson. Oh, Dobson. He's an lazy, insensitive art thief with a massive victim complex, no drive to improve, an inflation fetish (specifically, he gets his jollies from the idea of inflating teenage girls who are begging him to stop until they pop like a balloon), and a bloated ego. He whines constantly about his situation despite doing nothing to improve it, acts superior to people far smarter and more talented than he is, begrudges other people - including former friends - for their success, still holds grudges from his high school years as a 30-year-old man, pretended to be a 16-year-old-girl in his mid-20s to promote his inflation porn, and has not made a humorous comic in years. Basically, he's what you would get if you took the worst qualities of the others and rolled them all into one person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fatal ContractionJune 12, 2012 at 8:16 PM

      1. Teraciano because he strikes me as a genuinely nice guy, just a bad writer with a knack for unfortunate implications.
      2. Dobsen because I've never heard of him and don't give a shit either way.
      3. Munroe because he isn't as bad as the remaining two.
      4. Sohmer because even though he's an asshole and Lars DeSouza is too good an artist for his shitty writing, he's no B^Uckley.
      5. Go to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
      6. B^U. Sucks at humor, sucks at art, sucks at writing, sucks at being a decent human being.

      Delete
    2. A toss up between Sohmer and Buckley for me - for least favourite writer I mean. I think I'd hate Sohmer less if he were being judged entirely on Looking For Group; it's Least I Could Do which I really detest. CAD, whilst being shit, has reached the point now where the lead character is no longer a carbon copy of the writer - the character has his own personality. In LICD however, the character and comic as a whole continues to be a mouth piece for Sohmer blasting off his obnoxious ill thought out views, no doubt (as he inflicts readers with at the end of every news post) 'because he can'.

      Oh, and the few character traits the lead character of LICD seems to have which may not be in common with Sohmer still make me want the lead character to die horribly.

      Delete
    3. "specifically, he gets his jollies from the idea of inflating teenage girls who are begging him to stop until they pop like a balloon"

      wut

      Delete
  15. i took that spirit animal test from the last thread and it turns out i am a crow

    because i am generous i will give raven three days to relinquish her title

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  16. I made 1067 slightly less sucky, but only slightly.

    ReplyDelete
  17. "So... what've you been up to?"
    "Some sort of data entry, effectively."
    "Yeah, but... besides that."
    "That's about it."
    "You're not, like, doodling any inane comics? Just curious."

    For the last seven years, NASA interns have been under some weird pressures.

    ReplyDelete
  18. http://i45.tinypic.com/246m7fr.png
    C'mon, guys, be patient.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Replies
    1. Bob Dole 1996

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    2. Benjamin Harrison 1892

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    3. Tom G. Willikers 32437284910478903271903872916057903217890271940769021738902175809327183094367219047839201759037216098478912307592017589032748690132879057329817593012748091238764930275091587409372180957906157.214083129048903276509730217094830298149032170579632612523134789372916

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  20. Finally, xkcd has made an impotence joke! Now Randall has truly reached the ultimate enlightenment, the absolute top of extremely no-question-about-it intelligence and maturity. xkcd has... ascended.

    But, man, what's wrong with that alt text? Not only there's a completely misplaced semicolon (I do abuse semicolons somewhat, but at least I TRY to use them right), it proves his own sentence wrong, because the "typical" first word in a Randall sentence is "Although".

    Although Chris Houlihan Room.

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    Replies
    1. It's funnier because, despite the decline in quality of MIT undergrads, Munroe would still not have a synagogue's foreskin in hell of getting in.

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    2. That caught my eye too. I love the semicolon; it's one of my favorite punctuation marks. I use it all the time. Randall, on the other hand, is using it like a fucking COMMA. What a jerk.

      Delete
    3. the problem isn't the semicolon (almost wrote 'foreskin' there), but the opening section of that sentence:

      'Although the Markov chain-style text model is still rudimentary' is meant to be its own independent clause, not a dependent clause. It should probably read 'The Markov chain-style text model is still rudimentary, however; recently it gave me "XKCD is not a terrible webcomic"'.

      this isn't to say Randy didn't do something wrong, of course. it just wasn't semicolon abuse this time around.

      Delete
    4. I guess it can be read in two ways: "The Markov thing is rudimentary because it gave me 'MIT'" or "Even though the Markov thing is rudimentary, it gave me 'MIT'". I read it as the latter. It seemed like the "less poorly written" possibility, but I guess I was wrong.

      Randall writes those things like he simply doesn't read them back to himself. When I write stuff, I commonly pick up poorly written sentences just by READING IT AGAIN, and it's easy to fix them.

      Delete
    5. To be fair, Randy doesn't have time to do stuff like that. He has to draw three of these comics each week you know!

      Delete
  21. YES RANDY HAHA WE GET IT PREDICTIVE TEXT WHETHER IN BROWSER HISTORY OR PRETTY MUCH ANYWHERE WILL REVEAL YOUR SEX INTERESTS WELCOME TO 1995 A HIGHLY CONNECTED WORLD MAY CAUSE YOU EMBARRASSMENT.

    ReplyDelete
  22. What we've learned today is that Randall apparently communicates with his lovers solely by e-mail, since normally that conversation would come up immediately after the (failure to) act.

    I see two possibilities:

    1.

    "oh" - send
    "oh yes" - send
    "oh god yes" - send
    "feed me your delicious milk megan" - send

    2. Randall has never had non-cyber-sex.

    CAPTCHA: ismentit

    ReplyDelete
  23. Megan's not lactating ever again. I am so sorry, Randall.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am, in fact, lactating at this moment. But the restraining order should hopefully prevent Randall from ever being a witness to it.

      Delete
  24. in solidarity with randy i decided to try it out with my autofill that uses text message history:

    "I have not even left the house yet".

    ...no, that's fair (lol, "even").

    also who types it out? Does he seriously doubt people will not know which MIT he means, or is he one of those morons who thinks people will believe him to be more intelligent because he does not have need of the Plebeian short hand?

    ReplyDelete
  25. oh my God what a dick the man is. 'look at me. I type the names of top educational institutions all the time. I won't tell you why, though; itis just part of my intellectual mystique. admire me. be envious of me. believe that i am always doing something clever.' is he typing out job applications? full of lies? it's like that cocking internet search history one. same old 'golly gosh look how quirky I am' on the surface, 'be awed by my cleverness' undisguised underneath

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wonder if the algorithm takes notice of words typed close to you.

      Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough Loughborough

      Enjoy your mediocrity, weaselsoup!

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    2. you know i do

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    3. May I suck on your toes, weaselsoup?

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    4. absolutely not

      dertyti: exactly

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    5. There's be much less war if females didn't have to be won over, but just enjoyed sex.

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    6. Remember: rape is the mating ritual which harms the least number of people.

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    7. Let's keep a cap on the rape jokes, that's moving out of dark humour and simply into bad taste.

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    8. Because the comments here are always bastions of good taste

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    9. 3:38, false binary.

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    10. 12:03, I can't parse any sort of binary from that sentence, let alone a false one.

      Delete
    11. there are 2 binaries*, in fact

      within the sentence: that needing to be won over is the opposite of enjoying sex
      between the sentence & the preceding posts: that not liking the toe thing is the same as needing to be won over and as not enjoying sex

      *binary is probably a technical term which is being misused here. in which case, substitute something like assumptions of contradictions or something

      Delete
    12. the word you're looking for is "dichotomy"

      Delete
    13. Indeed. It's probably also worth noting both that women who "just enjoy sex" tend to be labelled as sluts and shamed for it, and further that once you start allowing women the autonomy to just go out and enjoy sex with people it makes it a lot harder to treat them as possessions, and that would be tragic.

      Delete
    14. "Dichotomy" can be swapped out for "binary" in many usages without corrupting the meaning-- the strict meaning becomes less precise, but is not incorrect and the message remains discernible for anybody with a respectable grasp of the English language. "Binary" can then become the preferred word choice depending on what you're trying to evoke with your text: because it sounds a little more casual, because it has fewer syllables and letters, because of the subconscious connection with computing and mathematics, or for whatever other reason.

      In short, I stand in solidarity with weaselsoup. Not just with weaselsoup, but with versatility in our language. With freedom, and with justice-- with all that is good in the world, and against all that is bad. Two cheers for Binary!

      Delete
    15. weaselsoup: The possibilities are:

      1. That a woman can enjoy sex for its own sake, and doesn't need to be won over;
      2. That a woman can enjoy sex, but only if she's been won over;
      3. That a woman cannot enjoy sex under any circumstances.

      1 is, alas, false. But the problem isn't that women don't like sex - that would just mean lots of homosexuality or lots of rape - the problem is that men have discovered that women are more likely to enjoy sex if men fight each other. Trying to win a woman over, after all, is appealing to her judgment of whether she should settle with what is available or wait for something better. It thus behooves men to compete even when they could get along.

      5:01, the ability to select a less fitting word is not an illustration of the versatility of our language, but a delegation to the intelligence of the reader. A writer should always strive to select the best possible word for any communication, even though he will rarely find it.

      Delete
    16. really, it's just that the toe thing is gross. offering something less gross would probably do the trick

      Delete
    17. but also, actually, men have to be won over too, unless you happen to be a conventionally attractive woman, which not that many of us are. if you're trying to tell me that men are just up for it with just anybody then I have to call bollocks on that one. because none of them are.

      Delete
    18. Not none of them. I am. I'm 30 years old and a virgin, and while I'd kind of like to hold out another decade so I can watch that movie on my 40th birthday with a sad smile, all any woman willing to do it for free needs to do is coax me from the fear and suspicion engendered by 30 years of rejection.

      Delete
    19. weaselsoup, the supply of willing men far exceeds the demand. I am certain that, if you're female but not getting any, it's because you're choosy. For example, if you're very fat, you have legions of Fat Admirers[tm] who will go after you and give you a good time just for the chance to be with someone big. Sure, it'll be pure, dirty lust, and you'll know the person primarily wants you for thatparticular attribute, but if sex is what you want, does that matter? I have olive skin, deep brown eyes and comically big lips (for a non-African), but I wouldn't reject someone just because they had a craving for someone with olive skin, deep brown eyes and comically big lips. Maybe you fear that someone will break your heart - so don't get your heart involved - or that they'll break your limbs - but that's really very unlikely.

      Delete
    20. 'coax me from the fear and suspicion' - sounds like 'win over' to me

      Delete
    21. Anonymous June 16, 2012 7:08 AM said,

      ".....I have olive skin, deep brown eyes and comically big lips....."

      Nu?
      Like Yasser Arafat then?

      He, obviously a he, also said,

      ".....I am certain that, if you're female but not getting any, it's because you're choosy......"

      Dear oh dear.

      Delete
    22. wealsoup, co-ax. He wants you to beat him with the cat o'nine-wavelengths.

      Delete
    23. ok everybody, I know you're not aware of this because you spend all your time analysing xkcd, but here's what you do: be at a dingy pub/bar/club near closing time. Most of the people still hanging around at that point have very little in their lives, are feeling a bit desperate for a bit of something to cap off their night and are intoxicated enough to have little of their judgement left. This works pretty well for men, but from what I've seen seems to work even better for women who are willing to not just wait for someone to approach them. If you're still unsuccessful after trying this a few times it's time to consider wearing cleaner clothes or wiping your arse more thoroughly or something.

      Delete
    24. tried that. didn't work. then I tried yelling like a fucking cretin about orthography and even THAT didn't work. so I gave up

      Delete
    25. have you tried slightly creepy ads on craigslist or leering at layabouts at the local library? this friend I have does that all the time. you can also try dating websites, it's a crapshoot but if you're up for cheap sex it can be handy.

      CAPTURE: "69 ioessm" esoteric sex position invented by an xkcd virgin.

      Delete
    26. weaselsoup has been offered sex many times here but always turns it down. "WHY DOES NO-ONE WANT SEX WITH ME?" is like Attention Seeking 101, always accompanied by an explanation for why each offer then presented is invalid.

      Delete
  26. I actually kind of loled at 1069. It wasn't a terrible pun or wordplay joke, it wasn't GOOMR, and I think it had an actual joke.

    Is randall finally beating me down?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He still fucked up the art of course, unless stick figure #1 is talking to a hoverwoman.

      Delete
    2. I don't understand 1069 at all. Please explain. I am having a thick day.

      Delete
    3. 3:41, if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I as far apart as humanly possible.

      Delete
    4. I still don't get it, 6:34. The comic makes no sense. What is he trying to say? I don't see any connection between "YOU" and "HEARTBEAT" and I don't see the significance of emphasising "HEARTBEAT". I honestly don't get it. This is the third of three xkcd comics where I didn't really understand what was going on, and it's grating me.

      Delete
    5. Don't worry about it, 3:41 AKA 9:54. You're not missing much. You'd probably be even more irritated if you knew what he was getting at.

      Delete
    6. God fucking dammit, I have just read Ann Apolis below and the "explain xkcd" crap on the web and I still don't get it.

      Please don't tell me that it's merely "if I had the time I'd change English orthography rather than spend time with you" and he's phrasing it in the style of "if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together"?

      Please tell me there's something more sophisticated than that.

      I thought that's all it was when I first read it, but people here are complimenting this strip like it's uniquely good, so I *must* have missed something.

      Please.

      Delete
    7. No, the people complimenting it are just idiots. Randall has even done the same joke better before. He did it with two other well-known-but-never-used pickup lines in that same strip, and all three of those subversions at least made sense even if they weren't particularly funny. This time he did it with only one well-known-but-never-used pickup line and didn't even manage to have it make sense. He's losing his touch. Slipping from boring to moronic.

      Delete
  27. in the comic: a common pickup line is subverted because randall is too good for your petty human 'love' he must selflessly fix the world because stupid people got language all wrong and it does not follow PROPER ENGINEER RULES

    in the alt-text: he realises that rearranging the alphabet would not, in fact, improve orthography at all and desperately attempts to salvage the joke

    you're welcome

    ReplyDelete
  28. Everyone knows about Einstein because of Ghostbusters:

    "Einstein did his best stuff when he was working as a patent clerk!"
    "Do have any idea how much a patent clerk earns?"
    "No!"

    ReplyDelete
  29. xkcd 1069 almost has it. The core concept is sound (subvert a hackneyed pickup line) and it's an original joke. The problem is that the reason it's original is because the joke just doesn't make sense. How much influence does the standard ordering of the Latin alphabet have on English orthography? Doesn't seem like it would be a lot and it's certainly unclear how reordering it would fix anything. When people (linguaphiles) complain about the English language (as they probably quite often do) how often is the complaint about the alphabetical order? I'd say about NEVER.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I'd like to see this blog attach grades to its reviews of xkcd comics. They can't all be equally shit, surely?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On the next edition of xkcdsucks:

      "1068. F
      1069. F
      1070. D-"

      What have you done, 4:20? What have you done?

      Delete
    2. oh man that's an even better idea!

      Delete
    3. but there's only 26 letters in the alphabet (10 post xkcd-mandated reforms). percentage points might give you more scope

      Delete
    4. D- is way too high a grade for 1070.

      Delete
    5. It was not out when I posted before. Updated version:

      "1068. F
      1069. F
      1070. F-"

      Delete
  31. Hey, Americunts, do you envy Britain because at least we don't pretend that we have an elected head of state?

    ReplyDelete
  32. We don't envy Britain because your government ecosystem is in even worse shape than ours. And while you had something good, once, your politicians caved to popular demand and destroyed it.

    XKCD comics are a lot more forgivable if you think of them as "dumb jokes a guy makes for his friends, and begrudgingly lets the internet in on it" and then the dumb reddit references are just extremely dry mockery.

    Captcha: "22 SSETHN" she screamed aloud, with the thin hope that a passer-by would overhear and know the address of her murderer. It was not to be.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous June 16, 2012 at 11:22 AM said,


    "....Hey, Americunts, do you envy Britain because at least we don't pretend that we have an elected head of state?...."

    Hey you Burberry-wearing, Chav-cottaging and Ned-buggering Cuntbutler the Revolted Colonies do not envy anyone much less you whinging POME bastards o'er the pond in Engerland.

    ReplyDelete
  34. WARNING! This is a funny joke Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom...an...d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the Moregovernment decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1: Jenny didn't believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. cool story, bro

      Delete
    2. LIKE DIS IF U CRY EVRYTIME

      Delete
    3. Worst copypasta ever. Can anyone come up with a better one?

      Delete
    4. Worst copypasta ever. Can anyone come up with a better one?

      Delete
    5. WARNING! This is a funny joke Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom...an...d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the Moregovernment decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1: Jenny didn't believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife

      1

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    6. WARNING! This is a funny joke Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom...an...d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the Moregovernment decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1: Jenny didn't believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife

      2

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    7. WARNING! This is a funny joke Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom...an...d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the Moregovernment decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1: Jenny didn't believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife

      3

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    8. WARNING! This is a funny joke Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom...an...d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the Moregovernment decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1: Jenny didn't believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife

      4

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    9. WARNING! This is a funny joke Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom...an...d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the Moregovernment decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1: Jenny didn't believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife

      5

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    10. WARNING! This is a funny joke Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom...an...d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the Moregovernment decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1: Jenny didn't believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife

      6

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    11. WARNING! This is a funny joke Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom...an...d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the Moregovernment decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1: Jenny didn't believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife

      7

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    12. WARNING! This is a funny joke Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom...an...d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the Moregovernment decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1: Jenny didn't believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife

      8

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    13. WARNING! This is a funny joke Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom...an...d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the Moregovernment decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1: Jenny didn't believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife

      9

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    14. WARNING! This is a funny joke Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom...an...d her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the Moregovernment decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't pass this on like you did. And forget about you. Example 1: Jenny didn't believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife

      10! FREE AT LAST

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    15. I don't give a fuck who you are or where you live, you can count on me to be there to bring your fucking life to a hellish end. I'll put you in so much fucking pain that it'll make Jesus being nailed to a cross in the desert look like a fucking back massage on a tropical island. I don't give a fuck how tough you are, how well you can fight, or how many fucking guns you own to protect yourself. I'll fucking show up at your house when you aren't at home. I'll turn all the lights on in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn on your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You're going to start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you'll have a fucking heart attack. You'll go to the hospital for heart operation, and the last thing you'll see when you're being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed as a doctor. When you wake up after the operation, you'll be scared for your fucking life, wondering what I did to you while you were being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You'll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of that hospital to go home, I'll run you over with my fucking car out of nowhere and kill you. I just want you to know how easily I could fucking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I'd rather go to a great fucking length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living, breathing fucking hell. It's too fucking late to save yourself, but don't bother committing suicide either... I'll fucking resuscitate you and kill you again myself you bitchfaced faggot. Welcome to hell, population: you.

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    16. i know you are but what am i

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  35. Worst copypasta ever. Can anyone come up with a better one?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Worst copypasta ever. Can anyone come up with a better one?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I've found one. You'll never guess who originally posted it.

      Help! My girlfriend trapped me in the kitchen as punishment for a joke I made. Please help me escape! There is only one window, and it's too small to climb through. The door opens outwards, and she barricaded it. I can't call for help because the crazy ***** smashed my cell phone and cut the landline. The only equipment I have is a cooker oven, microwave, wash basin, fridgerator, fridge magnets, a knife the size of my dick, a year's supply of bran, canned apricots, beef giblets, a smashed blender, framed photo of me, about 50 plates that she hasn't cleaned, a copy of Twilight (NOT MINE!!), duct tape, snakeskin, one of the wheels from her wheelchair and maybe a dead rat if I can catch it. I don't even have any clothes.

      If all else fails, what is to easiest way to commit suicide with these items to save myself the embarrassment? Please answer before she gets back!!

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    2. Capn, I would like nothing more than for you to extrude your secondary carapace, engage your clasping spurs, and insert your ovipositor into my gut, pumping the black soaked eggs of your wicked offspring into me, to use my body to nurture their growing, Gehennan malice.

      Maybe there's not enough room in this crazy, xkcd-sucks-filled world for a lovestruck, ungendered and anonymous forum poster and a beautiful, hate-filled she demon like you. I don't know if we'll ever be safe from the Rob Masons, the ALtFs or the Anonymice. But I'd like it if, when you're dipping your forelegs into the sulfurous magma you use to preen the rows of barbed setae which protect your dorsal pinnacles, you would think of me a little. And who knows? Maybe, one day, when you look into the network of black peridots embedded in your thorax in lieu of a heart, you will find a single, unoccupied corpuscule, in which there will finally be room...for love.

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    3. pay no attention, Capn, he says that to all the girls

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  37. Some xkcd comics = too many

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  38. Excellent forum bait, Randall. 42 posts in less than 4 hours (in the middle of the night, no less). Is it funny? No. Was I aware of a couple actually not equaling 2 being a debate? No. You got me to visit Wikipedia (morons on the article there) and Wiktionary (reasonable people) along with some other dictionary sites. Good job, I guess. I gather you're on the couple=2 side. I'm surprised that you and none of your mathy friends can't come to the obvious solution to the debacle (or bother looking at any dictionaries which totally support a couple being more than 2). With a continuous variable like time, nobody means "exactly 730.484398" or even "730.484398 +/- 182.6211 days" when they say "a couple of years". Discrete variables? Yeah, maybe a couple should =2, but it doesn't. Stop being a prescriptivist math dick and look at a dictionary. xkcd is a comic about "language" too, right?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I wasn't aware of the debate either, but for a different reason. I very rarely encounter people using the phrase "a couple" without meaning precisely two. When used to refer to an approximation, it tends to be in the context of being an estimate, the implication being "maybe two or so." That's quite different to using "a couple" in the sense of "some."

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    2. Megan has got a couple of months to live.

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    3. STOP IT YOU'RE GIVING RANDY WHAT HE WANTS

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    4. So? He's good at what he does.

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    5. A couple of posts above gave Randy what he wants.

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    6. So? He's good at what he does.

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    7. Worst copypasta ever. Can anyone come up with a better one?

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    8. Best copypasta ever. Can anyone come up with a worse one?

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  39. The phrase "Randall isn't even trying anymore" just lost all meaning with today's comic. In fact, the phrase "... isn't even trying anymore" just lost all meaning applied to anyone. With today's comic, Randall just openly stated "I don't give a fuck about effort, I'm just posting this here to start a war on the forums and get free blowjobs from my fans". That's it. The word "effort" just disappeared from Randall's life. Not only that, but the very concept of "effort" disappeared from Randall's life. Effort itself cannot physically exist within a 300 feet radius from Randall. xkcd is the negation of effort. Just scribbling randomly on a blank paper with a ball point pen takes more effort than today's comic, and has more artistic value. xkcd has reached the point of nullity where calling it EITHER "art" OR "anti-art" is giving it too much credit. Holy fucking shit.

    ReplyDelete
  40. After examining the patient, Randall Munroe, I have diagnosed him with a severe case of thinking every idea he has is clever and funny. Treatment: I prescribe shotgun, to be taken orally, twice daily.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your mother takes me orally, twice daily.

      Delete
  41. Orally, twice dailyJune 18, 2012 at 9:01 PM

    1. "Just to clear things up" - one of the most succinct phrases one can use to identify oneself as an arrogant douchebag.

    2. Who the fuck uses "several" to mean "2 to 5"? Mostly I hear people using it more like "5 to 50, occasionally more depending on what is being quantified".

    3. Your friends - all three of them - sound nearly as obnoxious as you, Randall.

    ReplyDelete