Monday, June 4, 2012

Comics 1062-1064: The Greatest Evil Ever

1062. Did you know that people use the word "hawk" in a non-literal sense? It's true!

1063. It's getting hard to even come up with shitty two-sentence blurbs for these. That's how boring they are.

1064. Randy has given up on telling jokes and is now just trying for GOOMH-bait. The alt-text basically says that explicitly.

98 comments:

  1. "1945 was loud" may be one of the stupidest things Randy has written... shame it had to come from the formerly cool Black Hat Guy.

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  2. 1062 : But did you also know that media often overuse the word "hawk" in a NON-literal sense? Wow!!!

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    Replies
    1. you're right, we're in danger of losing the word 'hawk' to metaphors

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    2. Agreed. Let's just erase the word "hawk" from our dictionary altogether... it clearly cannot be used in either sense without attracting derision.

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  3. 1063: Black hat man is also now apparently a moron.

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    1. I think the idea is that he didn't actually invent a time machine, but just said he did as an elaborate prank because he just knew that people would ask him to kill Hitler (somehow I think this comic idea was founded not on Wikipedia but on TVTropes) so he could pretend to have understood them wrong and frustrate them or something.

      It's a pretty weak prank even by hat-guy standards of late.

      Delete
    2. I think 1063 isn't that bad. At least better than Rob's comment.

      1065: That joke is at least as old as Al Bundy doing it in "Sheos". The sliced bread thing was silly enough to be slightly amusing, though.

      (Where has the button to reply to OP gone?)

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  4. Hey, I've heard weaselsoup has been having trouble getting her depths fathomed? I hope she's taking advantage of JUBILEE FEVER. There's nothing like a mass waving of tiny flags to get any man primed for a close encounter of the slurred kind.

    "Slurred" in the sense of drunkenness, because your speech is slurred. I don't know. I used one innuendo and couldn't think of any more.

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    Replies
    1. tbh I haven't really been paying attention to it. just at work as usual. anyway I saw the guy that i like on saturday & he seemed unaffected by the whole thing, so

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    2. i thought rob was the guy that you like

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    3. she was talking about me, idiot

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  5. that's what she meant - remember that rob is visible from every point on earth, and he is also unaffected by events that take place on a mere national scale, especially when said nation is barely the size of his breakfast

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  6. I don't like 1063 because it's plain stupid. Nazism, Holocaust and WWII did not happen just because of the actions of Hitler alone; it happened as consequence of the WWI, the economic crisis, the russian revolution and many other economic, political and social events that were way beyond Hitler's influence. Hitler was just a smart and opportunistic bastard who was "at the right place in the right time", if a random douche travelled in the past and killed Hitler some other asshole would take over his place and do more or less the same shit he would have done. Besides that, the reason that racism and authoritarism is shunned upon today is because of all that fucked up shit that happened in WWII, so Hitler's actions were not all bad in the end.

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    Replies
    1. yes but whatever the alt text says, mr munroe has stated many times that he does not see any value in learning history

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  7. Why does David Starkey have to exist? I don't particularly care about his desperate need for controversy or his ridiculously stereotypical upper-class prejudices, but his creepy love affair with the monarchy disgusts me immensely.

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    Replies
    1. Starkey, like Thatcher, is what happens when someone from a modest background with slightly above average intelligence has never managed to shake off the insecurity of the peasantry.

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  8. Replies
    1. I hate you and I pray you get AIDS.

      ASIDE TO AUDIENCE: I just tried audio captcha for the first time, it's somehow even more indecipherable than the text. Sounds like a mix between a busy pub, a numbers station, and a very bleak summary of "wuthering heights".

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    2. Holy crap that is bad. I wonder if you have to get every word right, because you only seem to get one go at it (as it changes each time) - maybe if you download the audio it isn't as bad. I retried it a few times but was never able to identify every word.

      Considering the damn things are everywhere, I wonder if we're slowly making the web completely unusable by blind users. Oh well!

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    3. I held out and used Lynx as my primary browser as long as I could. I lost personal access to a Unix shell account around 2001 and had to go with Netscape at that point. My parents had shell access till maybe 2003; they lived way out in the country, and it was at least another 5 years between when the ISP started charging extra for a shell account and when they were finally able to get DSL instead of dial-up; they just had to use a graphical browser in that period and wait forever for pages to load.

      Back when people actually designed webpages with text-based browsers in mind, I'm sure it was a lot easier for blind people to use the internet (not to mention the people stuck on dial-up).

      Fuck Randall for thinking everybody has high speed internet (can't remember exactly which xkcd made that assumption, but it gets my goat).

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    4. And fuck YOU for thinking everybody has internet at all. If we assume your position of always ahering to the lowest common denominator, then it would be extreme arrogance to put ANYTHING online ever.

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    5. You might want to consider the difference between making a web page accessible to blind people/admitting the obviously true fact that not every single person has high-speed Internet and "ahering (sic) to the lowest common denominator".

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  9. I heard that Raven smells

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  10. I heard that Raven smells more

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  11. I heard that Raven smells you all the way from Canada.

    iostor50

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  12. Saint Peter's BergJune 5, 2012 at 11:50 PM

    I heard that Raven is one of the few people at this blog whose comments are still (sometimes) worth reading.

    aeshop20

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    Replies
    1. ornithologist of the damnedJune 6, 2012 at 12:07 AM

      i heard that raven is not a person at all but rather a hated hell-bird

      Delete
  13. I heard that Raven is actually a crow.

    usometimesyemporium80

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  14. I herd that Raven into the field every morning so she can spend the day grazing on fresh grass in the sunlight.

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  15. I heard that you like Raven, so I put a Raven in your rave so that you can Raven while you ravin'.

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  16. I heard Raven's histrionic personality making anon posts about herself.

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  17. my spirit animal is apparently a hawk, goomh randall!

    captcha: fuckdapolice rsiCitym. COME AND PROVE ME WRONG, GOOGLE.

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    Replies
    1. Fuck your stupid quizz !! It's bullshit







      I hate horses














      Why must the creature that defines my very being be something only 10 year old girls find cool :'(

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    2. woah me too. we are like brothers

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    3. I got a swan

      which means I am light to your darkness.

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    4. Uh, 11:11, horses are more than a gateway for a pre-pubescent girl's awakening sexuality. They have served humanity well throughout history, and will serve well again once the oil market collapses and electric cars are found to be an inadequate substitutes. Plenty of people think they're cool.

      Not me, though. I find all those bulging muscles a little grotesque, and their massive dicks just remind me of my own inadequacy.

      I got fox, but the description didn't describe me very well at all apart from saying I'm a good match for a cougar. Then I read the descriptions for the other possibilities and found none of them really hit the mark. Still, at least it was more accurate than my star sign and birth number.

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  18. I heard that everyone here who mentions Raven is Raven in disguise, with no exceptions.

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  19. who the hell is raven

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    Replies
    1. I heard he's some fag

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  20. You guys are all so Raven

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  21. Does it say something about xkcd that I laughed at this (NSFW, turn down volume) more than I did for the last 200 xkcd comics, combined?

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  22. "Also, GOOMHR. Today I tried barefoot running for the first time (for nontrivial distances [about a mile]). Probably should have done it on grass not pavement/tarmac, as I have blisters on my feet now. When my feet toughen up, I will be free of the tyranny of shoes! At least, in places where it doesn't matter if people look strangely at me."

    In response to a comic that was clearly criticising these shoes.

    I was hoping to quote somebody claiming that they're hacking for your feet, but it was not to be. I still have hope that somebody will say it eventually.

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    Replies
    1. You have fun being free of the tyranny of shoes. I'm busy enjoying my freedom from the tyranny of rusty nails and broken glass.

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  23. I new a dude who went around barefoot all through college... he was studying geology and wanted to be close to the earth of something... he also played a mean guitar.

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    Replies
    1. 1) No-one who plays guitar will be attentive enough to study geology;

      2) This was your friend. And, yes, because I linked to a Family Guy clip I've insulted you twice.

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  24. This blog is dead. It's time to let go.

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    Replies
    1. Now way, we refuse to go down unless we take xkcd with us!

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    2. No - not dead... it's become it's own parody.

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    3. oh now. what about all the lovely friends you have made on here over the years.

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  25. xkcd died about 600 strips ago and Randall hasn't let go. Hell, it seems to be his /full-time job/. Discuss.

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  26. we have to carry on, or how will Carl afford his next vacation to the Philippines?

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  27. GOOMHR i don't wash my clothes either

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  28. You know those disconcerting guys who graduated years ago but seem to keep being drawn back to campus when they should really have moved on with their lives a long time since? I would have forgotten about those weirdos if Randall didn't keep acting as the digital equivalent.

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  29. I graduated years ago and I still keep coming back to campus, although as I'm progressing through my PhD I have some excuse.

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  30. Fine, replace "graduated" with "completed their formal study."

    If there are any deans reading this, pipe down or I'll punch you in the face. I'm trying to be succinct here.

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    Replies
    1. I'm a postdoc.

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    2. "I'm a postdoc" is like "I have just taken a shit". It's not even a position. It's a statement that you've just done something almost essential but mostly unremarkable.

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    3. do you even know what a postdoc is

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    4. Yes, it's a doctor who puts greater value patient interpretation more than his own diagnosis. He rejects absolute notions of illness and argues that the concept of health is a construction that says more about the mores of the society that defines its boundaries than it does of the intrinsic physical well-being of any individual.

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    5. shut up nerd

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    6. (first taking the nerd) You lock the nerd in the closet.

      What next?
      >

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    7. > rape nerd

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    8. You deftly rape the nerd. He whimpers, but does not speak and offers little physical resistance.

      What next?
      >

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    9. You eat the world. At first, you feel godlike as you incorporate every living creature and all the inanimate matter on Earth into your being. As you dribble the last few atoms of this world into your now enormous maw, you realize that you are not the same person who took on this enormous task. In consuming your world you have taken upon all its features leaving you to wonder whether you have in fact eaten the world - or if it has at you.

      What next?
      >

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    10. > hide self in mailbox

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  31. at least randy does not come back with an acoustic guitar (presumably)?

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    Replies
    1. He would if he could, but he knows he would be very good with the guitar if he learnt to play it so doesn't need to take lessons to prove himself.

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  32. ...her stool was a pleasing rust-red, a hue not unlike that of the "red hills of Georgia" Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. made reference to in his famous "I Have a Dream" speech...

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  33. Apparently Megan (or whoever real world Megan name is) died? from cancer? Not sure doe

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    1. Goodbye Janet Doe
      Though I never knew you at all
      You had the grace to wear your wig
      While those around you scrawled
      They scrawled into MSPaint
      And they whispered into your brain
      They set you on the milk pump
      And they made you change your name

      chorus:
      And it seems to me that you're Randall's wife
      A mistake but not a sin
      Having no real man to cling to
      When Big C set in
      And I would have liked to have bought you
      But I was just outbid
      Your bosom burned out long before
      Your potential to be milked for sympathy by a failing comic who desperately needs a new creative angle and to look like more than a big kid with no real responsibilities ever did

      Stick figure female geek was tough
      The toughest role you ever played
      Randall he created a superstar
      And pain was the price you paid
      Even when you died
      Oh the trolls still hounded you
      All the hate blogs had to say
      Was that Megan was found lactating

      [repeat chorus]

      Goodbye Janet Doe
      Though I never knew you at all
      You had the grace to wear your wig
      While those around you scrawled

      From the young man browsing xkcdsucks
      Who sees you as something more than sexual
      More than just our Megan Munroe

      [repeat chorus]

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    2. fuck you and your petty restrictions 9.47am

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    3. 9:47 = butthurt xkcdrone

      I'm above you in every way.

      Delete
    4. We'll carry on, we'll carry on
      And though you're dumb and wrong, believe me
      Your cuddlefish will carry on, we'll carry on
      And in my hate I can't contain it
      The fandom won't explain it

      Delete
    5. Did someone delete 9:47's post? I'm not seeing it here.

      Delete
    6. D'oh. I am stupid.

      Delete
  34. This blog is now dead.

    Once the haunt of a clique of webcomic afficionados and second rate IT workers, it degenerated (further) to little more than an online expression of jumping up and down like a toddler and insisting that that the battle against xkcd has not been lost.

    But it has been lost. And xkcd is here to stay, as popular as ever.

    Go gentle into that good night, raging not about the dying of what's right.

    (nothing of substance posted after this line)

    ------------------------------------------------------------

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    Replies
    1. Well technically surrendering is not losing.

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    2. Dear 9:47,

      HI RANDALL
      chris houlihan's room
      rob is fat
      ron paul 2012

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    3. everyone above this line is gay

      ------------------------------------

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    4. END OF RINE!

      ------ <-RINE ENDED HERE!

      Delete
  35. latest xkcd is even more boring than it looks at first.

    (it's an einstein reference)

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  36. This is not a post.

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  37. Dear oh dear

    Just goes to show the utter folly of teaching the pedestrian how to read and write.

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  38. Dearest Anonymous on June 11, 2012 @ 9:47 AM,

    We do not misquote Dylan Thomas 'round these parts.
    James Joyce, on the other hand, is fair game.

    Accordingly......

    "Get thee form my sight, you cunt, into everlasting hell fire."

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    Replies
    1. I believe you meant "from", unless that was part of what you meant by "misquote".

      But that would be stupid. Either way, you are stupid. Get thee from my sense of smell, you pus-oozing STD-ridden cunt, into everlasting fame and fortune.

      (Also, "hellfire" can be written as a single word.)

      Delete
  39. Ooh. A glimpse into Randall's soul. Of course, the joke doesn't work because nobody is really expecting the next Einstein to be working in a Swiss patent office. But it's a nice dream for the temporarily embarrassed scientist who's stuck patent clerking, sound engineering, or webcomicing. Maybe you could be the next Einstein!

    That's a pretty long shot though. If Randall wants to make a contribution to science, he could go to grad school and end up putting out a few papers that get cited by a dozen colleagues. That's life. Not everybody gets to be a world-famous scientist. But a being a competent professional scientist is achievable with a little hard work. Or maybe he could flame out of academia and end up receiving a Nobel prize while working at a Toyota dealership. That's a little tough to plan for though.

    At any rate, I'm pretty sure Einstein was keeping on top of his field while he was at the patent office, not watching Mythbusters and drawing stick figures. Good luck with your dreams, Randall.

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    Replies
    1. "If Randall wants to make a contribution to science, he could go to grad school and end up putting out a few papers that get cited by a dozen colleagues."

      The trick is to release something useful (software, data collections, whatever) and include in the license a requirement to cite your paper on the topic to use the data. Bingo, dozens, sometimes hundreds of citations. The only other way is to significantly advance research and that requires a lot of work, a lot of luck, or both.

      Delete
    2. But a being a competent professional scientist is achievable with a little hard work.
      Science is 99% lucky innate intelligence and 1% hard work. That's the only reason most people aren't scientists, though scientists would like to pretend they're just harder working than you.

      Contrast casino bankers, who don't pretend to try.

      Delete