Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Comics 1265-1271: GOOMHR

1265. I find people who talk about juicers annoying, and this still isn't funny. D+
1266. lolprogramming F
1267. This is getting back to the old GOOMH-bait I used to like back when I was an xkcd fanboy. C+
1268. More GOOMH-bait! Delicious spiders. C+
1269. Do not care. D+
1270. lolprogramming 2: revenge of lolprogramming F
1271. Still more GOOMH-bait. Not as good as the other two GOOMH-baits sampled here. C-

165 comments:

  1. I'm genuinely curious why you still bother with this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm genuinely curious why you think that being a garrulous bore about some children's comic makes you more worthy to critique it.

      Delete
    2. "garrulous"?
      Well fuck me from behind with a garrote, that's a mighty big word for such a small cunt.
      I'm impressed.

      Delete
    3. Who better to critique a comic than a garrulous bore?

      Delete
  2. The kind of things Rob doesn't give an F to: "I like to do x while doing y." "I think x is weird." "When x happens I'm all like y."

    The only thing worse than these comics is this post claiming there's a hint of quality in them. I could make a "comic" that is just a square with text in it saying "sometimes I try to avoid the lines on the sidewalk" and it would be as good as 1271. Fuck you Rob.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like to read Rob's posts while touching myself, and I think reading Rob's posts is weird, but when it happens I'm all like touching myself.

      Delete
  3. All this anonymous posters are randall

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is about you.

    xkcd is a marshmallow. YOU ARE THE CRAZY PEOPLE. Get over yourselves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank goodness you're here to stop all these cuh-RAZY shenanigans.

      Delete
    2. This is about you.

      xkcdsucks is the mysterious fibers. YOU ARE THE MCNUGGET. Get over yourself.

      Delete
    3. That's like arguing that the Allied forces were crazy to stop Hitler. This is why you shouldn't let 6 year olds do your reasoning for you.

      Delete
    4. I watched some more of that kid's videos. They're kind of... I mean, is there any chance of changing this blog to ladyxeonasucks? The xkcd thing has run its course, and this spoiled brat with her indulgent mother are really getting me riled.

      Delete
  5. The only reason I checked by here was to have my opinion that 'Juicer' deserved an F validated.

    Rob, you let me down.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You let yourself down.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous October 1, 2013 at 4:03 AM emetically yawned,

    ".......I'm genuinely curious why you think that being a garrulous bore about some children's comic makes you more worthy to critique it......."

    For fuck's sake, the phrase 'garrulous bore' is so common; cliché even! If you insist on using words far exceeding the level of your working/recognition vocabulary, at least use them in a novel way - we'd be totes impressed!
    For instance, instead of using the word 'abject' to modify the word 'poverty', try using it as an adjective to modify the word 'luxury'. It fucks up all the pseudo-intellectuals, like real good!.

    Off the top of my pretty little head, how's this:

    "The problem with ALT-F is she suffers from an 'embarrassment of riches'." Now take the word 'embarrassment' and use it as a collective noun to describe something else. Like: "The problem with Anonymous October 1, 2013 at 4:03 AM is that he suffers from an embarrassment of fucking stupidity."

    See?

    I know. Right?

    Don't let us down now. Okay?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon@August 12, 2012 at 1:22 AM said: "ALTF is both intelligent and a garrulous bore."

      Delete
    2. Memories!
      I was totes popular back then.
      The talk of the town!
      Since that time, I've broken my phone, my telephone/Internet bill is still too high and I have a black eye. And I put on 3 pounds in New Orleans/Thailand/Lao PDR, which might not seem like much to you, but I'm devastated. I am currently starving myself and therefore very cranky as a result.

      Delete
  7. On the left side-bar, under the subtitle "Rob's Rants", I read the following:

    "When he's not flipping a shit over prescriptivist and descriptivist uses of language, xkcdsucks' very own Rob likes writing long blocks of text about specific subjects.

    Where are these long blocks of text to which you refer?
    There appears to be quite the paucity of 'new' long blocks of text of late. In fact, I cannot find anything which post-dates the Great December 2010 North American blizzard.
    Have you been 'flipping a shit' over prescriptivist and descriptivist uses of language all this time?
    Get over it! Let's settle it right fucking now!
    Are you a prescriptivist, or a descriptivist?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. prescriptivist < descriptivist < encryptivist

      Delete
    2. -ive
      — suffix
      A suffix of adjectives (and nouns of adjectival origin) expressing tendency, disposition, function, connection, et cetera.


      -ist
      — suffix
      1. ( forming nouns ) a person who performs a certain action or is concerned with something specified: motorist; soloist et cetera.

      Yeah, you're a shitivist

      I'm a cuntivist! Wallowing in descriptive prescriptions for various STDs.

      Delete
    3. Oh wait. You said "shitsivist", right?
      Never mind then. I don't do dogs!

      Delete
  8. This sentence has three a's, one b, two c's, two d's, twenty six e's, five f's, three g's, nine h's, eleven i's, one j, two l's, thirteen n's, eight o's, six r's, twenty five s's, twenty t's, two u's, five v's, eight w's, three x's, and four y's.

    Deal with that, cunts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry, I never deal because I can't shuffle. I'm more comfortable with the twist.

      Delete
    2. Why didn't you count k's, m's, p's, q's or z's?
      Racist.

      Delete
    3. I, man, am regal - a German am I
      Never odd or even
      If I had a hi-fi
      Madam, I'm Adam
      Too hot to hoot
      No lemons, no melon
      Too bad I hid a boot
      Lisa Bonet ate no basil
      Warsaw was raw
      Was it a car or a cat I saw?

      Rise to vote, sir
      Do geese see god?
      "Do nine men interpret?" "Nine men," I nod
      Rats live on no evil star
      Won't lovers revolt now?
      Race fast, safe car
      Pa's a sap
      Ma is as selfless as I am
      May a moody baby doom a yam?

      Ah, Satan sees Natasha
      No devil lived on
      Lonely Tylenol
      Not a banana baton
      No "x" in "Nixon"
      O, stone, be not so
      O Geronimo, no minor ego
      "Naomi," I moan
      "A Toyota's a Toyota"
      A dog, a panic in a pagoda

      Oh no! Don Ho!
      Nurse, I spy gypsies - run!
      Senile felines
      Now I see bees I won
      UFO tofu
      We panic in a pew
      Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo
      God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog!
      Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog

      Rats saw god, dog was star

      Delete
    4. Oh good we've descended to teen pop lyrics.

      Posts like Twitter; comments like Facebook.

      Delete
    5. Eumesmopo?

      I serve up a wonderful Self Referential sentence with my 'perfect' computations being done with 'manual' binary decision diagrams (BDD's) - no computers - and you retort with fucking palindromes?
      Fucking ignoramus!

      Anonymous October 3, 2013 at 7:11 PM, "Why didn't you count k's, m's, p's, q's or z's? Racist."

      Yeah. That's right. I'm a racist!
      Fucking moron!

      Delete
    6. My comments > Grande Sertão Veredas > baroque poetry > sumerian epic poetry > classical french literature > philosophical transactions of the royal society > cave paintings > insane ravings on a asylum wall > facebook comments > twitter posts > bathroom stall graffiti > israelnationalnews.com comments > all other xkcdsucks comments > Rob's reviews >>>>>>> abyss >>>>>>> ALTF's comments

      Delete
    7. I take it you mean homo sapien cave paintings rather than neanderthal cave paintings, because even the primitive neanderthal produced work superior to anything that sap culture has ever come close to.

      Delete
    8. Great list Eumesmopo! Unfortunately, because of a flaw in my visual recognition of nomenclature used to express mathematical domain knowledge I read those rogue chevrons as "leads to" rather than "greater than". That places me at the zenith and you at the nadir. You are being too hard on yourself, you don't suck that badly.

      How come these cunt cavemen only ever paint cows and pregnant Przewalski's horses? There were far more species around back then! There is no excuse for the paucity of their subject matter! And it looks like they did it with their prehensile feet, the filthy simians!

      Delete
    9. Though I must especially commend you on your inclusion of "israelnationalnews.com comments". That, dear friend, is rather witty.

      Delete
    10. I sent Israel National News a cleansed -of-profanity version of The Tutor's "What To Do If You Meet A Jew" post. We'll see if it ever sees the light of the Middle East day.

      http://aquarianslovetofuck.blogspot.ca/2012/12/what-to-do-if-you-meet-jew.html

      Delete
    11. Pashtun from Lebanon. Yeah, makes sense.

      Delete
  9. To commemorate the upcoming 947th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, I've decided to reveal to the civilised world the fruits of my decades-long painstaking research into ascertaining the last words of Harold Godwinson, (Harold II), King of England as he defended his country against the vile Norman cunts.

    To wit:

    "Dolor! Heu faecem! Nunc futui sum!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. futui?

      Obvious bored sci postgrad who aims slightly below their station so they're not called out on their mediocrity.

      Delete
    2. There is no station inferior to mine and I live to be called out on my mediocrity. I see no other valid reason to live. Do you?

      Delete
    3. Ha!
      You're so thick that if you got any thicker you'd be a singularity. I mean you already don't have any social events planned in your horizon!

      Ha!
      That's a 'Sheldon Cooper' quality funny! Or so The Tutor tells me. The Tutor watches commercial television. He's very mediocre.

      Delete
    4. Singularities are not thick.

      Delete
  10. I have been watching videos of "Hmong girls" on the You Tube and they don't look like they come from a people's democratic republic. All western make-up and western smiles. I am disappointed.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dolor! Heu faecem! Nunc futui sum!

    I done wrotes it that way so cunts, when they copy-paste it into Google Translate, get, well, go look:

    http://translate.google.ca/#la/en/Dolor!%20Heu%20faecem!%20Nunc%20futui%20sum!

    I figger only the Brit-cunts have any Latin education, and they would know that Yankee cunts would have to use a translation programme to decode my genius.
    A little understanding here, eh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i ut futuaris, dilettante.

      Delete
    2. Nice use of the subjunctive.
      But "dilettante"?
      That ain't cricket!
      I dabble in much and am a novice in even more, but in my chosen profession, I excel.

      Don't ask. I'll only prevaricate.

      Delete
    3. Aquiraans, your insecurity is almost adorable.

      Delete
    4. And predictability.

      Delete
    5. I reckon I asked for that. Innit?

      Did you write this?

      AQUARIAN RHAPSODY

      Is this Aquarians?
      Is she my fantasy?
      Caught in her handcuffs
      No escape from perversity

      Open your eyes
      Look up at the cunt and see
      She's just a rich girl, she needs no sympathy
      Because she's quick to post, rather slow
      Rarely high, often low
      Anyway the words blow, doesn't really matter to me (to me)

      ALTF just killed a man
      Held a book against his head
      Struck it hard and now he's dead
      ALTF's life had just begun
      But now she's gone and thrown it all away
      ALTF, oo-oo-oo-ooo
      Didn't mean to make you cry
      If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
      Carry on, carry on, because spelling really matters

      Too late, my time has come
      Her tutor's now online
      And his writing's rather fine
      Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
      Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
      ALTF, oo-oo-oo-ooo (anyway the words blow)
      I don't want to post
      I sometimes wish I'd never been here at all

      I see a little silhouetto of a girl
      Like to fuck? Like to fuck? It's the forbidden tango
      Riding-coat and helmet, jewel-studded godemiché!
      Obscure reference, obscure reference,
      Obscure reference, obscure reference,
      Obscure reference - erudite. One cornetto-o-o-o-ooo!

      But I'm just a rich boy and most people love me
      (He's just a rich boy from a rich family)
      Bored with a kook on this shite holiday
      Quick to post, rather slow - will I let her go?
      Insha'Allah, no! I will not let her go (let her go)
      Insha'Allah, I will not let her go (let her go)
      Insha'Allah, I will not let her go (let me go)
      Will not let her go (let me go) never
      Never let her go (let me go)
      Never let me go (ooo)
      No, no, no, no, no, no, no
      United Nations, Petawawa, laissez-passer! let me go!
      The Queen of Cunts has a chamber with a bed for me
      For me
      For meeeeee!


      Lyrics by: "Anonymous"

      I am still in awe of this. I'd love to again converse with the woman/boy who wrote that.

      http://aquarianslovetofuck.blogspot.ca/2013/05/ode-to-me.html

      Delete
    6. Yeah. But "Petawawa", intra al., 's your edit. Now the danger is past, and the lingering fitness is over at last, and the fever called Lusting is conquered at last.

      *yields naked to the rainbow and swings up to the over-arching heaven*

      Delete
    7. No it is not!
      I don't live in Petawawa. That's a shit-hole 15 kliks up the road and it's awash in vile Welfare-In-Green squaddies. Why would I have added that?
      And if I did, what, pray tell, did it replace?

      And don't fuck with Poe.
      Nevermo'!

      Delete
    8. Speaking of the conquering of lustfulness, I give you Petronius:

      "Foeda est in coitu et brevis voluptas, et taedet Veneris statim peractae."

      Delete
    9. Original. Looks like SR's been fuzzing.

      The expanse of spirit in a waste of shame is lust in action. But enough about Rob.

      Delete
    10. Ah yes.
      I guess I did change Minnesota to Petawawa.
      And "Hearts" to "Cunts"
      Some idiot back then kept insisting I lived in International Falls, Minnesota. I reckon that's where the lyricist of that wonderful "Ode" got Minnesota.
      The original is cleaner, but like Sid's cover of "My Way", versus Frank's, it's not better or worse, it's just different.

      See how much younger my avatar looked back then?
      I'm older and darker now.

      Delete
    11. Just like Shakespeare's version of, "The expense of spirit in a waste of shame is lust in action.". Different than yours, but neither better nor worse. Though your use of "expanse" does temper the meaning a tad.

      Besides, as far as this sort of thing goes, I prefer this one:

      ".......and as she grabbed at his dick, which was leaping around like a shower dropped in an empty bath, she scratched his back deeply with the nails of both hands and he shot three more times, in thick stripes on her chest. Like Zorro.
      "Winkler" by Giles Coren

      ".....he shot three more times, in thick stripes on her chest. Like Zorro....."

      Like that's like, too funny!

      Delete
    12. Oh wait!
      I get it!
      You used "expanse" rather than "expense" to reflect that on-going idiocy about Rob's expansive demeanour.
      Apologies, I am slow today.

      Delete
    13. Aquairans Lvoe To Fcuk October 7, 2013 at 12:00 PM copyedited:

      '...And "Hearts" to "Cunts"...'

      Yes, wherefore intra al.

      Also I wrote the original Odeipuss, as you suspect.

      Delete
    14. Who added the "Wrecks" bit then?

      Speaking of wherefore, most of the ignorant cunts in my little town think the mournful query of that Capulet slut, "O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? is an inquiry after her dear heart's physical location beneath her window?

      Delete
    15. It's not their fault. Judy Garland intoned the line improperly during the Tin Woodcutter's song, thereby imprinting many generations of impressionable young minds with her misunderstanding. Your town would be a much better place today if she had only had a brain.

      Delete
    16. My town, wherein nowt but the dead and dying reside, would have been much better had this:

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chalk_River_Laboratories#1952_NRX-incident

      and this:

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chalk_River_Laboratories#1958_NRU-incident

      been more devastating.

      Delete
    17. What, no final verse? You tease.

      Delete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  13. When did he stop linking to achewood?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Rob, how do you respond to allegations that you had Jon Levi killed so that you would have no more competition in the Xkcd insulting industry?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that is entirely false. i had jon levi killed so he'd stop waking me up in the middle of the night with his desperate pleas

      Delete
    2. You fool! They were peas! He was offering you desperate PEAS!

      Delete
    3. You're both wrong - he was offering desperate 'es. 'es Ebenezer good.

      (And, when it comes down to it, aren't all Jews drug pushers?)

      Delete
    4. Rob, your hitman was awful. He wouldn't even give me your money back. I have him tied up in the basement. If you don't claim him within a week, then I'm giving him to ALTF.

      Delete
  15. 1276 is maybe the most meaningless poster comic so far.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I maybe agree

      Delete
    2. No. The noughts and crosses comic claims that title.

      Delete
  16. A bathtub fills at 10 gallons a minute from the taps and drains out the plughole at 5 gallons a minute. If the bath holds 100 gallons of water, how long before the bath overflows?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 20 mins!

      I just checked with my bath.

      Delete
    2. Assuming this is Rob's bath and taking into account the flow of bitter tears, the function would be this:

      V(t) = in(t) - out(t) + tears(t)
      100 = 10t - 5t + 1271t
      100 = 1276t
      t = 100/1276 = .08 minutes

      Delete
    3. Rob does not bathe, or at least not in this manner. And even if he did bathe in this manner and on a regular basis, what makes you think his tears would be bitter? I reckon they'd be savoury and highly hydrophobic. They'd dance about on the surface of the bath water as droplets of water on a hot grill. Hissing and spattering, popping and exploding with vivacity.

      Delete
    4. i thought we agreed not to discuss our tear play

      Delete
    5. You agreed. I merely deferred. I could not withstand the sight of your pursed and trembling lips as they protrude to form a physical expression of displeasure and sulkiness - a pout. With those bee-sting lips of yours, and pouting like you always do when you do not get your way, wreaks havoc on my willpower.

      Delete
    6. Lies.

      You have no willpower.

      Delete
    7. Depends on the initial conditions.

      Delete
  17. Part two:
    There is a waste overflow four fifths up the side of the bathtub which drains a further one and one half gallons per minute from the bath. How long until the bath overflows now?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 21 mins and 42.857142857 sec

      (No secs please, we're British)

      I just checked in my perfectly cuboid bath.

      Delete
    2. You are in gross violation of the Law of Significant Figures.

      I get 22.4 minutes.

      Who's correct?

      Delete
  18. And one for the Yankee fuckers:

    If a brick weighs 7 pounds and half a brick how much does a brick and a half weigh?

    Do not concern your pretty little heads about the quantity of straw that may, or may not, be constitutive of the brick. And please, no fucking Pink Floyd shite.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Six am day after Christmas
      I throw some clothes on in the dark
      The smell of cold
      Car seat is freezing
      The world is sleeping
      I am numb

      Up the stairs to her apartment
      ALTF is balled up on the couch
      Her mom and dad went down to Myanmar
      They're not home to find us out

      And we drive
      Now that I have found someone
      I'm feeling more alone
      Than I ever have before
      She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
      Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
      She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

      They call her 'cunt' at seven thirty
      I pace around the parking lot
      Then I walk down to buy her flowers
      And sell some gifts that I got

      Can't you see
      It's not me you're dying for
      Now she's feeling more alone
      Then she ever has before
      She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
      Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
      She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

      As weeks went by
      It showed that she was not fine
      They told me son it's time to tell the truth
      She broke down and I broke down
      'Cause I was tired of lying
      Driving home to her apartment
      For the moment we're alone
      She's alone
      I'm alone
      Now I know it

      She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
      Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
      She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

      Delete
    2. I had to research this one.
      I've not heard the tune nor even heard of the band.

      And for future reference, I do not like receiving a clutch of the severed reproductive organs of certain herbaceous species as a gift and I do not live in an apartment. I live in a house, a big, fuck-off house, on uncountable hectares of land. I call it "Tara"

      The symbolism of me ruining lives as a brick to a drowning boy is apropos though..

      Delete
    3. What about the severed reproductive organs of certain omnivorous species?

      Delete
    4. Nothin' says lovin' like a dozen tastefully arranged artificially engorged horse langers I say.

      Delete
    5. Horses aren't omnivorous.

      You idiot.

      You complete idiot.

      Delete
    6. About what are you talking?
      Omnivorous refers to what the species in question may or may not ingest.
      Herbaceous refers to what Kingdom the species in question resides


      And it's not true anyway.
      A mare will devour the placenta, if allowed, after giving birth.
      And we won't even mention The Mares of Diomedes.

      Delete
    7. Such an idiot.

      Delete
    8. It's "fucking idiot"!

      Get your coruscating and dysphemistic invective correct, idiotically imbecilic moron!

      And that's a compliment by the way. If you call a person you know to be an Idiot(IQ 0 - 50) a Moron(IQ 70 - 90) you are complimenting her/it/him. Unless said Idiot/Moron is a Yankee, then you are just being an oleaginous inveigler.

      Imbecile(IQ 50 -70)

      Delete
    9. An idiot?
      Hardly.
      Idiots - those who would score 0 to 50 on a standardised IQ test - cannot be taught to read and write. I do feel I have most demonstrably demonstrated my ability to at least write.
      Conversely, Imbeciles - those who would score 50 to 70 on a standardised IQ test - can be taught to read and write, but just barely. At the very least, I must be considered a high-functioning Imbecile, if not actually a border-line Moron - those who would score 70 to 90 on a standardised IQ test.

      Delete
    10. "...I do feel I have most demonstrably demonstrated my ability to at least write..."
      BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAha...
      nigur plz

      Delete
    11. Exaggeratedly stumbling into obvious ploys isn't particularly amusing, 6:08. Not unless you drop another joke in the process of doing so, anyway. That was xkcd quality banter and you are making the glorious anonymous hivemind look bad. Two more warnings and your membership card will be revoked.

      Delete
    12. I am a little reticent and am struck with a sense of foreboding. The 1,536 +/- renditions of the word 'HA' may possible reflect 'nervous laughter'. Nervous laughter is a physical reaction to stress, tension, confusion, or anxiety.
      This upsets me.
      Anonymous October 11, 2013 at 6:08 PM is very stressed!
      I am hoping, against hope, that it was a prolonged courtesy laugh instead.

      Delete
  19. How do you plant four seeds such that each seed is equidistant from the other three?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In a tetrahedral shape! One of them just needs to go deeper.

      I tested it in my garden.

      Delete
    2. Indeed I am.
      It's an albatross I must bear.
      And the problem of placing 4 seeds of destruction equidistant from each other becomes quite simple if you are a Yankee.
      Did you know that Liberia, Myanmar and the United States of America are the only countries in the world that have not adopted the Metric System of measurement?
      You're in fine company, fucking Yankee arseholes!

      Delete
    3. Since the seeds are of the tree-hugging variety, and thus decidedly nondestructive, Anon 11:16 is correct. Bonus points for making the entire post obvious twss bait.

      Delete
    4. Anon@11:16 displays the typical lack of imagination of someone who would score well in an IQ test.

      The simplest answer is to plant them all touching each other.

      Delete
    5. You only thought of that because I said "hugging."

      Delete
    6. if you planted them all touching each other, they would form a tetrahedral shape.

      Such a lack of imagination to not even see that.

      Delete
    7. Check your simplifying assumptions, Anon@4:32.

      Delete
  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I apologize to all jews, women, and niggers for the above comment. It was very insensitive of me.

      Delete
    2. It certainly was, but at least you did realize what an insult it is to bring us down to the level of white males with claims of "racial equality." Most people think they're doing us a favour.

      Delete
  21. Replies
    1. The jokes on you, my mothers already dead!

      Delete
  22. Double post? I blame the captcha system.

    ReplyDelete
  23. It says the captcha is incorrect, when it isn't. But the post goes through anyway. Oh, and it won't let me reply to anything. We're back to non-threaded replies. Can't the nebishes at Google fix anything?

    ReplyDelete
  24. wait what rob was a fanboy? that is adorable. we need details

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://xkcdsucks.blogspot.co.uk/2009/10/comic-whatever-who-cares.html?showComment=1256599492164#c2724259057203455231

      There you go, weasel. An early Rob, still transitioning from fanboy to hateful monster.

      Delete
    2. Don't forget this, Rob's first ever comment on Xkcdsucks, preserved here for historical archive reasons.

      Delete
    3. Don't forget this, Rob's first ever comment on Xkcdsucks, preserved here for historical archive reasons.

      Delete
    4. That kind of made me miss the days when we talked about xkcd. Actually I more miss the days between then and now, when commenters tried to force memes.

      I don't think it's okay.

      Delete
    5. We most hate what we once loved.

      I see Rob transitions from thinking that you can't write an article on a joke to a bunch of rants about how there is such a thing as objective humour.

      Although I do wonder now whether Rob is still as much of an xkcd fanboy as ever, and all his contributions to xkcdsucks have been ironic, and he deliberately took over then let the site languish so that Randall would win.

      Actually having typed that out with historical context, I am convinced.

      Delete
    6. everyone already knew i was secretly randall

      Delete
  25. Replies
    1. Since when was fucking niggers okay?

      I don't think it's okay.

      Delete
  26. Someone explain to me why libertarians get so much hate on the internet. You'd think people would be all over the idea that the government stays out of our business. Do you actually like being told you can't smoke pot or drive without a seatbelt?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd much rather that a democratically elected power get up in my business than some fat leech who through ideological woowoo claims exclusive ownership of the road which would stop me being a prisoner in my own house.

      Delete
    2. because libertarians are universally morons

      Delete
    3. That's the same answer I always got from people who said they didn't like Bush when I asked why. Or why Fox News gets so much flack. Rather than give any rational reasons to hate someone of another party, just continually harp on them being stupid and laughable until everyone just accepts it as true from hearing it all the time.

      Delete
    4. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, not refutation, idiot@1:26.

      Delete
    5. show me a libertarian who is not a moron and i will retract my statement

      Delete
    6. It's idiot126@gmail.com. Get it right.

      Delete
    7. Libertarianism is simply freedom from Tyranny. If you think that wanting that makes a person a moron, I don't know how to help you.

      Delete
    8. i think thinking that libertarianism is "simply freedom from tyranny" makes you a moron

      Delete
    9. but no, seriously, just submit a single libertarian who is not a moron for my consideration. you are obviously one but surely you can come up with at least one

      Delete
    10. I've no idea what a Libertarian is, Libertine, however, is something with which I am very familiar. I am, of course, willing to offer myself as an example of a Libertarian just to see how Rob reacts.
      You know, 'cause as we all know, men are like Chemistry Sets, the fun is in seeing what sets them off.

      Delete
    11. If you just misread the word as 'librarians' then the internet becomes a lot better.

      Delete
  27. Until recently, I had considered Rob's abject cuntery to be a result of familial compliance coupled with some minor cultural influences. Rob was, in essence, a predictive consequence of social determinism.
    Imagine my surprise, however, when it was revealed that Rob's affliction was hereditary rather than habitual? Rob and his ilk do indeed possess 'cuntish tendencies'. And in retrospect, it is evident that Rob and his brethren are quite obviously, 'born cunts'. Rob is quite simply a product of biological determinism.
    How could I have possibly missed that?
    Dictates of social engineering require that Rob's movements and whereabouts be monitored through a system of compulsory registration and travel permits.
    Rob and his friends will become a useful and well trodden underclass in their own right. They'll have a social stratum to call their very own.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you forget that as a yankee i am already monitored round the clock due to an old hobby of mine, which was 'search for surveillance cameras in public places and snap pictures of them'

      Delete
    2. I figger that during your Government's recent 'shut-down', you were free to resume that curious divertissement?

      Delete
  28. Two NYC teens with the dead baby in a back pack are apprehended while shoplifting at Victoria's Secret.
    When queried about the baby in the backpack, the one teen responded,

    "I didn't know what to do with it"

    Nothing?
    Ya gotta love the Yankee!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2013/10/17/nypd-possible-fetus-found-in-teens-bag-inside-nyc-victorias-secret/

      Delete
    2. Curse big government! Disrespecting my individual liberty of carrying my dead offspring around as I please!

      Delete
    3. I'm just a grouch sitting on the couch.
      The world owes me, so fuck you.

      Delete
  29. Replies
    1. Perhaps Mr. Levi, you flappy gee Brit-fuck, if you suggested a viable alternative, oh I don't know, maybe another "xkcdsucks' type blog, we could rise, Phoenix like, out of our own ashes?

      Delete
    2. He would but he's too shy. Bless him.

      *caugh*

      Delete