Thursday, January 10, 2013

Comics 1154-1159: Bad Resolution

You clamored for more Rob, so here are the always hotly anticipated reviews:

1154. Randy is taking the bold stance that New Year's resolutions are frequently not successful! F for being dumb.

1155. Did Randy ever tell you how quirky he is? He is so quirky. F for being dumb.

1156. Did Randy ever tell you how quirky he is? He is so quirky. for being dumb.

1157. Did Randy ever tell you how quirky he is? He is so quirky. for being dumb.

1158. Did Randy ever tell you how quirky he is? He is so quirky. for being dumb.

1159. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to find amusing here. F for being dumb.

136 comments:

  1. I'm starting to think that Randy might be a little dumb himself, but that couldn't possibly be true. He regularly explains things to the internet, with science and, and. . . and hypothetical magic. But science is generally in there! And they only let you explain things on the internet if you're smart. It's the truth.

    ReplyDelete
  2. munroe is white beret guy, isn't he? and white beret guy is a class A capital C cunt. it's impossible to see a white beret guy 'comic' without wanting to beat both character & creator to death with a shovel. but that's how he sees himself. wanking on about how amazing science is with a patronising fucking 'but you wouldn't know because you aren't a professional physicist - luckily I love to teach!' attitude. the gloss of 'absurdist' whimsical fucking quirky fucking shite is the worst bit because it's what the dribbling fuckwit fans love so much.

    which is worse? xkcd or 50 shades of grey? they're both atrocities in their own way. might have to think about this

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're not thinking big enough man. Any character who's all "(Insert nerd interest/emotional thing) is (Great/Challenging but rewarding)", so every "character" is Randall. Unless they're Megan or a douche in Munroe's eyes, the entire comic is basically as soapbox for Munroe to grace us with his insights into science and the human condition.

      I will join you in hating on white hat guy, if only because at his outset he was easily my favorite character, and then Munroe destroyed him by turning his carefree existentialism into a combination of insanity and "quirkiness". Fucking cuddlefish

      Delete
    2. i think maybe he shifts in his ideas of which character is most 'him' the standard no-hair no-hat one was more for when he was all unlucky in love, but now he's married he can't do that kind of whining any more. so i think the hat guys have become more self-representative for him as that avenue for exhibition was closed off by matrimony.

      now he's the childlike 'wheeeee science is more cool than you could make up' twit who shows his wonder at the poetry and majesty of the universe by being impressed by experiments with sodium bicarbonate and diet coke or whatever, or he's the 'sociopathic' 'everyone who doesn't think like me deserves to die' arsehole who expresses deeply thought out geopolitical nihilism by playing lame pranks on his neighbours.

      these aren't satirical exaggerations, because there's nothing relevant or amusing about either of them. so munroe must want to be seen like this, which is a terrible thing. western society is fucked

      Delete
  3. 1154: "reSolution" At least it wasn't a DPI joke, just as bad though, ugh. There's plenty of jokes for New years, damn. I can think of hundreds. Two people count down, then start making out. One of them checks the clock, "Still midnight, let's go for the full minute" <3 -- Show a VCR blinking 12:00 (animated .gif) -- Fuck ANYTHING is better than "Just Give Up, you're a failure"

    1155: "indirections" Randy sucks at giving directions, and rather than admit it or tell them to print an online map, or give the phone to someone who's not a mental invalid, he just defaults to being a dickhead and saves his precious pride.

    1156: "Contradictioning" Hate loud bass music, intermittently play it all the damn time! It doesn't defeat the purpose at all! Totally Effective!

    1157: "Sickko" I obsess over trivial shit that affects me! Now you can too!
    Totally unfunny and dishonest. Got the whole house to yourself, bored as fuck, guess what happens? Eg: could have been called "Self Medicating", make some joke about how medicine only treats the symptoms to make you feel better without actually fixing anything. Have a prescription for "dopamine" filled and the pharmacist hands out a porn and some lube, Alt-text: list of chemicals orgasms produce including dopamine.

    1158: "Used Rubber" Of all the shit to imagine, this has to be the most boring. Even Stick-Megan is bored in the comic. Real trampolines exist, Randal, there's no need for anyone to fucking imagine this shit. Want to imagine shit about space time? Use a black hole, million and 1 things there. Maybe show some stick-man getting pulled into a black hole. "I wonder what it looks like in here?" Then show the stick guy twisted, inverting, become a dot, "it's dark, I'm scared. Oh, please, please let there be light!" (trailing off) Then BANG! All the energy flowing out from a single point in a giant explosion. Show the universe forming as it cools. Alt-text: "Hey, this isn't so bad." Out of all the things someone could imagine? A fucking bowling ball? The joke is that "ha ha tricked you, it's not about science after all?" How sad.

    1159: "What Counts" - Something terrible is going to happen, but I don't care, I won't tell you when, but it WILL happen, trust me. Might be in the next 40min, or maybe not... Would anyone care if Randal offed himself? Seriously, his cries for help are deafening to the point of becoming tiresome. One can only assume that they should be ignored like so many complaints about fictitious wolves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're a bit of a shithead, aren't you?

      Delete
    2. Your 1154 joke isn't bad, but it's not Randall's style at all.

      As a committed technophile, Rnadall doesn't think anybody owns a VCR anymore, and has probably already forgot about their existence. See alt-text of 964 for an example of where Randall's bleeding edge technophilia is completely disconnected from the behavior of people in the real world (people still buy more CDs than the pay for digital music, and their huge demographic swathes that don't steal music to any significant extent).

      Plus the whole flashing 12:00 thing is a classic joke about being technologically inept, something Randall would never admit to.

      Delete
    3. These reviews are good. Keep doing them.

      Delete
  4. ".......You clamored for more Rob, so here are the always hotly anticipated reviews:......"

    Some of us clamoured instead, is that acceptable?
    I would concur with your assertion that these reviews of yours are 'hotly anticipated', however, I am concerned that they always seem to disappoint when they present. Much like every album from Bowie since Ziggy played guitar.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stop trying to be ALTF.

      Delete
    2. I taught Fucking Aquarians everything she knows! Is it my fault she is just better at it than I am?

      Delete
    3. The jig's up Bilious. ALT-F's obsessive admirers have tracked us down.
      And I reckon if you continue to use her Google Account while she's away she will be rather upset with you. You might be able to withstand her wrath, but I'm not.
      I'm outta here.

      Delete
    4. the number one rule of showbiz, SR, is to never give them what they want. of course, if they were to suddenly start /wanting/ shitty reviews I'm not sure what I'd do. and this is, alas, not really showbiz.

      Delete
    5. Wise words indeed Rob, but, ALT-F and I like to think of ourselves as purveyors of crap with dependence-forming properties. We give them what they want and they just keep on wanting it. Accordingly, the Maestro comes to mind:

      A comment by ALT-F(1) is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?

      (1) And me, to a certain degree.

      Delete
    6. uh, Rob, but all we want anymore is a new article around the 200 comment mark so we can make another 200 comments worth of stupid crap without having to click the "load more" button to be seen. You're giving us that.

      Delete
    7. @12:16: secretly you long for the days when instead of five sentences of crap per 200 comments i instead wrote five paragraphs of crap.

      @SR: one could always want a ham sandwich. to date neither of you have delivered.

      Delete
    8. Decidedly non-sarcous Rob porcined,

      "......@SR: one could always want a ham sandwich. to date neither of you have delivered......"

      One could also want world peace; I just bought an arse-tonne of stock in both Lockheed Martin and BAE Systems so I am not one of them.
      To date, neither Fucking Aquarians nor I have delivered? Is that not the point?

      Delete
    9. Why do you send ALTF out to put bandages over the very people you're paying to have shot? Morality aside, it seems unfulfilling.

      Delete
    10. @Rob The only days I long for were those of Carl's magnificent efforts, but they're in the past and I have learnt to live in the new epoch. I expect Gamer was the last of the distinguished breed that would not accept anything less than a thorough dissertation of Randall's every move.

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Mind-blowing, mate! Do you know other such "Twitter accounts" (as I believe they are called)?

      Delete
    2. OTHER TWITTER ACCOUNTS?!

      Delete
  6. Fucking Aquarians can be found here:

    http://sterculianrhetoric.blogspot.ca/

    She's the one in the red outfit.
    Rob is the one in the yellow outfit.

    Sterculian Rhetoric can be found here:

    http://sterculian-rhetoric.blogspot.ca/

    When Fucking Aquarians is away, you cunts are not the only mice who play.
    I placed this ad on Craigslist when she first moved in with me.

    "For sale, really, and I mean really, cool guyish-type thing, I really like it still, a lot, and will probably cry when you come to pick it up, but my new girlfriend said that if I do not get rid of it, ostensibly to prove my love for her, she will leave me, and I don't fancy my chances of getting another one, girlfriend that is. This very cool thing is just completely irreplaceable. I used to be alright at picking up girls, but then I gained a few pounds and lost a bit of hair and subsequently I lost my confidence, you know how it is. Although it might be the way she is always yelling at me for no apparent reason: like that time I was two minutes late for that movie show after she smashed my watch that morning for asking her the time..."

    Do you blame me for seeking revenge when I can get it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry Jezebel, but you're fooling nobody:
      http://jezebelchocolate.blogspot.com/2012/12/i-can-be-found.html

      Delete
    2. Why would I want to fool anybody anyway?
      I'm looking for love and acceptance.
      Fooling cunts would be counter intuitive I should think?

      Great detective work though.
      It is comforting to know I have folks who obsess over me.
      Where'd I screw up?

      Delete
    3. Please tell me that hot red outfit girl's really ALTF.

      Delete
    4. Too many newfags.

      Delete
  7. Ha!
    Pronounce Chocolate then!

    We'll see who knows what now!

    Innit?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it:

      Sho - sho - lay?

      I thought you left?
      My spies tell me it's Liberal Supporter who has tracked us down. Persistent little bastard, Innit?
      Remember when he got the RCMP after us in 2008?
      Fuck that was funny.

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. I thought so, Gamma boy. Leslie figured you to be Omar!

      Like as if pilgrim would allow Omar to post comments.

      http://ghostofruby.blogspot.ca/

      Ha!

      Delete
  9. HURRR OLD INTERNET FRIEND IN-JOKES ON NEW MESSAGE BOARD.

    SR, stick to teaching ALTF. You clearly did a good job of that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it would be wonderful if they all shut up forever, don't you?

      Delete
    2. ALTF's performances are fun: she has at least as much wit as any other Doolittle.

      Delete
  10. why does altf have so many different accounts and why does he talk to himself using them

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Insanity. Did you think there'd be any other answer?

      Delete
    2. Money, my friends, and lots of it. This is the cause of the massive duplicity you 'think' you observe as a result of the machinations of ALT-F and yours truly.
      You fuckers are just too stupid to understand what is happening to you and I am nowhere near smart enough to explain it to you in a format y'all could understand.

      An impasse it would seem.

      I am begining to understand the 'pleasure' Fucking Aquarians 'feels' when she fucks with you morons. It's not bad actually - it sure beats doing good deeds for thankless third-worlders when it comes to raising one's level of self esteem.

      Delete
    3. We can't form much of a conclusion from your babble. As far as I can tell, you're a trustafarian who read Pygmalion then picked up some bright Myanmarian. Maybe you have some some white man's burden thing going on. Maybe ALTF wants to give back to her motherland and you've acquiesced.

      Or you could be talking bullshit. Who knows? I'm an old money sort with undeserved connections and a celebrated lack of honest work under my belt, and garrulous bores are a dime a dozen in these parts. Some of them even have blogs.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous @ 8:49 AM,

      You are seriously misinformed; and a right moron!

      Translate "Sterculian Rhetoric" as if it were an idiom - which it is not, by the way. Is your query of, "Or you could be talking bullshit. Who knows?", a valid one now?

      As for "garrulous bores", I need only refer you to Fucking Aquarian's latest post.

      Delete
    5. I think the metaphor of the pot calling the kettle black is incredibly relevant here.

      Delete
    6. SR, you ought to start anonymousexplained.com.

      Anon@8:49 is funny because Sterculius was a god of fertilisation and bullshit is a good fertiliser. The poster is playing on the fact that SR talks out of his arse and that 'SR' means something like 'art of poop discourse'.

      Also part of me wants to believe that this Gaia Online user is the same SR, because that would be fucking hilarious.

      Delete
    7. Part of me wants to believe Anonymous @ January 13, 2013 at 1:52 AM is not a stalker of the fair, and innocent, ALT-F.

      "......Anon@8:49 is funny because Sterculius was a god of fertilisation and bullshit is a good fertiliser......"

      Sterculius IS the Roman god of agricultural fertiliser, not fertilisation, moron!

      And Bilious tells me he 'got lucky' with three stupid Yankees after his time on "Gaia Online". BCP is, indeed, a slut.

      Delete
    8. ".....Sterculius IS the Roman god of agricultural fertiliser, not fertilisation, moron!...."

      ALTF's persona was better than, "X, not X, moron!" Bring her back please. If you're worried about making a convincing backstory, make like she broke a tooth in her cunt, it slipped up her cervix and she had to be flown to Mount Elizabeth, but it was full of Indian almost-rape victims so she had to be airlifted on a chartered turboprop to International Falls.

      Delete
  11. The "Leslie" persona is seriously hot, especially for a ginger.

    ReplyDelete
  12. A 100 Shias die and everyone and their mother gets out their Facebook soapbox.

    ReplyDelete
  13. The seriously hot especially for a ginger Leslie persona knows all the answers to your questions about ALTF and Sterculian Rhetoric and she can be bought.



    ReplyDelete
  14. Do you want the lurid details only or video and photos too?

    And are you Canadian? There's an additional service charge for Canadians.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. can you give me a price list? I'm in for it. I am not canadian by the way.

      Delete
    2. Is there an additional charge for Burmese?

      I was told that this Bilious C. Pudenda guy 'could choke a horse'. Will the videos/photographs confirm this? Or will I be disappointed as usual?

      Oh and confirm also that this ALT-F harlot is the 'horse' in question.

      Delete
    3. Perhaps ALT-F is into bondage and masoquism. I would not surprise me if she was based on her picture!

      Delete
  15. The typical xkcd forum poster:

    "The alt text doesn't feel [i]clever[/i](I guess I've just come to expect sublter/harder to understand from Randall) but it really made me laugh!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mankind is doomed :'(

      Delete
    2. Huh. I was just thinking that 1160 had a decently subtle joke in the alt text. Honestly, I was expecting a mini-dissertation that explained how trebuchets work (and thus explained the joke), contrasting them with tension powered devices, with a side of pedantry about not using "catapult" to mean mangonel.

      Delete
    3. Talking about subtlety in response to a comic which mentions subtlety twice? Seems like a subeeism to me.

      Delete
  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Why did it take the bald guy so long to say "to what?" in the Countdown one?

    ReplyDelete
  18. From the latest What if?:

    "As far as I know, this steak question originally came up in a lengthy 4chan thread, which quickly disintegrated into poorly-informed physics tirades intermixed with homophobic slurs. There was no clear conclusion."

    Randy has taken white-knighting so far that he's complaining about the use of the word "faggot" on 4chan.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, I read it as nothing more than a summary of 4chan for the uninformed, only replaced "poorly" with "X" and "physics" with "Y". And besides, if I had a site with as a high of a concentration of white knights as XKCD.com, I'd worry about saying "faggot" myself. I'm sure even Randall would get pissed off at the amount of people who'd complain. Hell, I even get it, I'm actually uncomfortable with people using "faggot" in real life, though I'm more ambivalent online. But not endorsing its use is not bad.

      That being said, Randall is still is a shithead white-knight, and the idea of people on 4chan not using faggot is downright laughable, so your points still stand. FAGGOTCOCKSUCKINGASSMUNCHER

      Delete
    2. Both of you are chumps.

      Delete
    3. faggots*
      -
      PS: That's not a complaint, that's a mere statement of facts.

      Delete
    4. Oh really? How about, YOU're the faggot Eumesmopo?

      Bet you don't know what to say to that, do you now huh.

      Delete
    5. And you are a... DIRTY faggot!

      Delete
  19. I am trying to read Brave New World at the moment, what a marvellous book!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am trying to read Good ol' Stanley@6:12 at the moment, what a marvellous post!

      Delete
    2. When one attempts to understand the words written but finds no meaning in them because of its complexity or stupidity, such as these replies!

      Delete
  20. 1161 - What? No nerdy shout out to chemistry geeks about some ultra powerful biocide!? WTF!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or, at least citing the fact that immune system research shows anti-bacterial soap users are more susceptible to getting sick (dirtier kids have better immune systems), and that prolific uses could be producing super bacteria which is why the active ingredients are scaled back now such that the allowable amount of said ingredient is actually fairly pointless -- Just use some bleach for the nasty stuff, and screw the rest.

      I would have expected something that appealed to the majority of his viewer ship... For example, something along the lines of, "1% of the %1 are hording all the resistances for themselves."

      Actually, no I wouldn't have expected something like that, XKCD really is shit, you know.

      Delete
    2. "dirtier kids have better immune systems"
      -
      In this case, I know some people who can't ever get sick. ♫♪bah dum tss♪♫

      Delete
    3. Antibiotics may produce super bacteria, but they're way different to hand sanitizers. Antibiotics have to actively attack or inhibit bacteria. They are concentrated forms of substances that the bacteria would be forced to encounter in everyday life, so developing a resistance to them is beneficial in broader circumstances. With sanitizer, you're basically submerging those fuckers in an environment entirely different to that which they have adapted to survive. The ones that do survive were generally able to hide behind their neighbors or in crevices until the stuff evaporated. If the population did adapt to alcohol, it would be energy spent on resistance to a very specific circumstance at the cost of effective survival in ordinary circumstances. These are microorganisms, they can only juggle so many functions at one time. You're not producing super bacteria with hand sanitizers any more than you are by boiling your kid's pacifier.

      And pandering to hypochondria is very much an appeal to the majority of his viewership. Such neuroses are considered very romantic in such circles.

      Delete
    4. So, how many germs does it take to start an illness or infection? Just one right? Fuck Hand Sanitizers. I'd rather have an immune system that can obliterate any germ that dares invade.

      Hell, that odor? Yeah, that's me. That's my personal bacterial army. People should be glad I'm even sharing it with them.

      Delete
    5. It takes just one that breaches your immune system. The idea is that you're helping your immune system by reducing its workload. You're also reducing its experience points, however, and thus increasing the possibility that it meets something beyond its challenge rating.

      Delete
  21. Hey why don't you guys post indepth, long blog posts dissecting the comics anymore? They were great.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. By 'were' you are assuming these are not. How can you not be mistaken? Please make amends.

      Delete
  22. Now maybe the fact that signs and labels are talking to Randall in panels 1 and 2 that should be a more obvious hint to what's going on here (i.e., it's the future! Or, he's totally high! Or, Randall is fucking terrible at conveying ideas!), but I'm shocked! SHOCKED! To see him using a calculator in panel 3 to calculate the arcane product of 200M and a motherfucking product of ten.

    I can only imagine the internal war that lasted all of the twenty seconds it took this lazy turd to slither from Munroe's brain out the nasal cavity onto the page:
    "I'm really good at math, so I should just show the answer!"
    "But wait, how will people _know_ that I'm using math?! Only things written down are allowed to speak! Being made of text is having the conch!"
    "It's settled, we'll show him writing down the math."
    "In fact, that makes me a teacher! I'm showing other people how to find the answer! And it didn't even involve learning!"
    "Now where did I put that scrapbook of Megan's follicles?"

    In a world of Randall's expected scientific "credentials", at what point does he decide that there isn't a better way to show this?

    Just kidding. Lazy cunts don't make choices.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And actually, relevant reading. From the idiocy of Pappalardo springs the reaction of Kurtz, which while not all-consuming, at least illustrates the point (attn: Munroe/Pappalardists, this is what you're terrible at):

      http://blog.tompappalardo.com/?p=2016
      http://pvponline.com/comic/2011/09/21/mixed-signals/
      http://pvponline.com/news/technology-and-cartooning-a-rebuttal

      Delete
    2. ...power of ten*.

      Hurr durr mornings.

      Delete
    3. http://pvpmakesmesad.blogspot.com.au/

      Delete
    4. http://pesawsayewdnd.blogspot.com

      Delete
  23. randall munroe doing the science equivalent of "so what's the deal with airline food?"

    I haven't manually looked at xkcd in a while, but someone shared this on facebook and... I was filled with utter apathy. Which naturally reminded me of rob.

    I want to say this is intellectual theft, but that's sort of like saying using the pythagorean theorem is intellectual theft--sure someone else came up with it before, but it's FUCKING ANCIENT.

    ReplyDelete
  24. wtf. munroe you doughnut. surely it is 99% of kinds of germs not 99% of whatever germs are there. is this not the sort of inaccurate reporting of stats and numbers that usually has your knickers in a twist. you knobend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, it would be 99.99% kinds of germs, if we're to believe the numbers stated in the sad excuse for a comic. is this not the sort of inaccurate re-reporting of stats and numbers that usually no one gives a flying shit about besides the anal assholes?

      "Not even Five Nines? This is 2013 for fuck's sake!", hell, something, these aren't even jokes anymore they're just badly drawn blogposts.

      Delete
  25. Nope, it's 99% of whathever germs are there. And really, it's probably a liability thing. Given sufficient concentration and exposure time, the stuff kills all germs. But the manufacturers don't want to get sued if somebody gets sick after using their product, so they don't advertise 100% effectiveness (especially since real world use is probably not going to approach perfect use).

    I'm surprised Randall is such a germ-phobe; it's a phobia based on ignorance. Wash your hands after you poop; that's really all you need to worry about. Germs are everywhere, and most of them won't kill you. I've seen stuff purporting to debunk the 5 second rule. So floor germs get on your food almost immmediately. Big deal. Will floor germs survive in your stomach? Probably not. Will the ones that do manage to survive in your stomach make you sick? For the most part, no. Is your food sitting on a clean countertop going to be rapidly colonized by thousands of germs floating around in the air? Yes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, and washing your hands after handling raw chicken is a good idea too. Maybe I SHOULD be using sanitizer on countertops that have had chicken on them. Food off the floor is probably safer than food on a counter that's recently had chicken on it (but unless the food is soaked in a puddle of chicken juice, I'm still not going to worry about it).

      tldr: Germs are everywhere. Nothing is sterile. Use common sense hygiene and don't bother with sanitizers.

      Delete
    2. The dirtiest thing in your house is probably a sponge or a cloth, or whatever you use to clean things. They have many thousands of times more germs than a toilet seat. But that should come as no surprise. Why would a toilet seat be dirty?

      If you really wanted to be hygienic, you'd eat off your toilet seat and sterilize your sponges. Microwaving a wet sponge for 2 minutes kills... just 99% of the bacteria. And if you ate off your toilet seat, then it won't be clean any more.

      Germs are everywhere, including fecal bacteria. And not just human fecal bacteria. Farm animals roll around in their own filth. If you've eaten beef, then you've probably ingested a little bit of bacteria from its feces.

      TL;DR? People who claim to be hygienic are actually full of bullshit.

      Delete
    3. 2:10 confirmed for eating food off the floor. I'm telling his mother.

      Delete
    4. Vegetarian GermaphobeJanuary 18, 2013 at 3:49 AM

      YOU are the one full of bullshit!

      Delete
    5. oh right. munroe was right and I was wrong. *tops self*

      Delete
    6. Two posts from the forum thread for this comic:

      "Actually, that is a mistake. Randall has it right (as usual)."
      "Everyone coming here to post that Randall is wrong, when he isn't......"

      How does it feel, weaselsoup? How does it feel?

      Delete
    7. ghost of weaselsoupJanuary 20, 2013 at 2:15 AM

      SHAME and HORROR

      the ads for bleach that say 'kills 99% of all known germs' confused my tiny mind.

      doesn't mean the comic isn't fucking stupid anyway as y'all have pointed out

      Delete
    8. Someone studied the whole ten second rule (Myth Busters?) and determined that it's not about how long it's on the floor, but about how wet it is.

      Anyway, it's probably not a good idea to eat off the floor because you can track in traces of dog feces, which can contain E. coli. And that's just gross.

      Delete
  26. I managed to stay several weeks away from xkcd, but from time to time I go back to check the strips superficially. I concluded that xkcd is like the Simpsons: it passed the age of being atrociously horrendous, and it's on the age of being absurdly boring. What's up with today's "log scale" comic? Wednesday's "germs" comic wasn't sufficiently cliched and boring to you? If Wednesday's comic was the science equivalent of "airline food", today's is the equivalent of "why did the chicken cross the road".

    My prediction for Monday: "How many CS majors are needed to change a lightbulb? 100! 1 to change it, and 99 to generalize the problem".

    ReplyDelete
  27. Randal is so quirky! Want to make a point about a big number? Murder a Rain Forrest, build a paper mill staffed with forced child laborers, smear an ocean of scared squid across all the paper produced to make a graph, fill an office building with all the stacks of pages, then when no one gives a shit, complain about it on the Internet via shitty stick figure drawings.

    That's about as effective as showing a powerpoint slideshow where each successive frame is just one of the bars extending, over and over again in a meeting where the lights are left on because "I'll waste a fuckload of resources!"

    ...

    "Oh, I know, I'll make a Comic about a fucking Graph! Not showing some funny correlation, no, just about different graphing methods!"

    Ah, but, Randal, that's dumb as hell.

    "I'm being a dick and no one can stop me!"

    What's next, a subtle strip about the best way to use pixels to waste everyone's time and piss us off? How Could Anyone Tell The Difference?!

    ReplyDelete
  28. It's like this was written personally for Randall MunroeJanuary 18, 2013 at 10:30 PM

    Graham Linehan, writer of Father Ted, The IT Crowd, etc., once wrote:

    People often ask me for for writing advice and I usually respond by pointing them to my DVD commentary for IT Crowd Season 4, which is a complete guide to writing a sitcom from concept to screen. Everything I knew about sitcom writing to that point in time is on that DVD, so when people ask me for advice, that’s literally the most helpful thing I can do for them. The fact that it also gives me an excuse to plug the DVD is completely beside the point, of course.

    But there is one piece of advice on which I may not have placed enough emphasis, because it is almost impossible to place enough emphasis on it, and it is as follows: when someone reads your script and gives you notes, be grateful, and act on those notes.

    Act on them, apply them. You are not a genius. You are just a schmuck. You need help, your script needs help. That opening you think is so hilarious? It’s not. It’s confusing. It doesn’t work. Stop pretending it’s the Odessa Steps. It’s a fucking mess.

    And you know what, the scene that follows it? The one that really IS great? The one that everyone loves? That’s going to have to go too. Do you know why? Because as soon as you changed the scene-that’s-not-the-Odessa-Steps, it made that other scene not work either.

    Writing is rewriting.

    Rewriting is not polishing.

    Rewriting is heavy lifting.

    Now, there is a flipside to this rule. Unless you are lucky enough to have a real-life, honest-to-goodness, says-it-on-his-business-card script editor who has been paid to give you a full set of notes, you may well run into people who have lots of opinions on what is wrong with your script, and not one of them makes a bit of sense; notes that might as well say “This script would be great, if everyone in it was taller.”

    What you do when you hear this kind of note is very simple. You nod, you say “That’s interesting”, you go home and you try to work out what the real problem is. Even the dumbest person in the room can help your script, because if that person felt the need to open his big dumb mouth, it’s because your script didn’t hold his attention enough to keep him quiet.

    By now, you’re probably wondering why I’ve adopted such an aggressive tone for this piece. It’s because I’m sick of hearing from very clever friends of mine--script editors and producers who DO give great notes--that the writer they’re currently working with refuses to change anything, or sulks and whines or worse yet, explains that “No, no, you see...HE’S saying it to HER. That’s why it’s FUNNY!” (If you have to explain ANYTHING, you’ve ALREADY LOST).

    I heard of a writing partnership who handed in a first draft and said “We’re not changing a word of that.” If I had been in that room, and had been in a position to do so, I would have said “OK, you’re fired” and then laughed like Doctor Doom for a week. You might as well say “We do not know how to write, and we refuse to learn.”

    So repeat after me, you fuckwits who refused to implement that very simple fix that your EXPERIENCED and CLEVER producer suggested:

    He is not the problem.

    I am the problem.

    My script is the problem.

    Writing is rewriting.

    Writing is rewriting.

    Writing is rewriting.

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    1. sounds like a right cunt

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    2. By which you mean "both demonstrably talented and straightforwardly honest", a combination which most of the Internet fears deeply.

      His main premise is the same as that of xkcdsucks: comedy does have objective standards, so shut up and listen to the experts who know them. Listen also to the amateurs, because even if they can't articulate the problem, they will let you know when you're not engaging them. Explaining the joke is no substitute for humour. Learn, edit and improve. Also, edits have a knock-on effect, so think about the coherence of your whole work.

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    3. But Randall gets unanimous positive feedback from his demographic. It's only an outlying handful of miscreants who criticise his work. This is no reason to rewrite. Should Stravinsky have rewritten on account of a few troublemakers starting a riot? No, of course he shouldn't have.

      "The onus is on THEM," he declared, "let THEM reriot. It is no concern of mine."

      "Philistine's gonna philistine," he muttered as he aggressively pushed the reporter's notepad out of his face and strode away.

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    4. i thought the main premise of xkcdsucks is that xkcd sucks

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    5. Anon@1:26 wrote:

      "...But Randall gets unanimous positive feedback from his demographic..."

      No, he doesn't. Lots of computing/engineering/science/maths geeks hate xkcd. An example of a far better fiction author who I still don't like much but who I'll enjoys positive consensus is Terry Pratchett.

      To use Randall's own weapon against him, search for phrases:
      "I hate x" where x = xkcd, Randall Munroe, Terry Pratchett, Discworld, ...

      You know what gets the overwhelming number of hits? "I hate xkcd". The problem isn't that everyone likes xkcd - it's that, half a decade on from when when it was last tolerable, there are enough fanboys to convince an egomaniac like Munroe that he doesn't need to listen to criticism.

      Unles you mean "Randall gets unanimous positive feedback from his loyal fans", in which case, duh.

      This is all dildos, because he will never get better. The "no do-overs" thing is anti-learning caricatured. He's pretty much saying "fuck self-improvement!" - something I'd expect from only the most arrogant dork. Sad thing is that for all the "rah rah education + freedom + fuck authority!" cheerleading you hear from geeks, a lot of them are fairly slow, ignorant and closed-minded.

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    6. Anon@4:18: Nah, that's the conclusion.

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    7. @5:33 hi gamer_2k4

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    8. @5:48 hi glasnt

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    9. munroe's on record as saying he tries to avoid negative feedback isn't he. he also doesn't even read his *own forums*. whether that's from fear of criticism or sheer laziness, that's a shocking level of negligence for a creator of stuff like this.

      but for some reason the fans are happy with this and carry on buying fucking posters. he's a lucky bastard. most people in comparable lines of work are slaves to their fucking forums because most users are entitled demanding arses who constantly threaten to withdraw their custom if they don't get individual attention and all their demands for change met instantly. bet you if t-shirt sales fell he'd start thinking about improving his shitty website. for someone who bangs on about being a coding genius that is one ugly, terribly designed site even .without the dreck 'content'

      tldr xkcd is the wort thing in the world

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    10. @3:10 hi weaselsoup

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    11. Hi mother, I have done as you asked. Father is no more. Please love me now.

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    12. @3:10 On the other hand, the fact that Randall has publicly stated that he doesn't read this site, gives us permission to be as rude about him as we want. After all, a tree falling in an empty forest can't kill anyone, even if that tree is used to print tasteless fanfiction about Randall's cancer-wife.

      tl;dr Randall is a terrible artist, but at least we have an excuse to hate on him.

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    13. Oh excuses, excuses, you're always looking for excuses Jon Levi.

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    14. To be fair, having seen the sorts of people who post on xkcd's forums, I wouldn't want to frequent them either if I were Munroe.

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    15. If you were Munroe, you wouldn't be posting here. Your whole position is preposterous.

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  29. Samurais were gay.

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  30. Randall Munroe breast milk squirt toy cheap bulk buy now .......
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  31. 1164 - Home Alone
    Randal dreams of injuring children. Instead of following the reversed roles thought to its logical conclusion (A rendition of The Matrix where the user Neo fights off Agents such as Clippy and friends for control of his word processor), Randal takes the road less traveled and commits to his imaginings of child abuse -- Even going so far as to illustrate a particular fantasy for all the world to see. It's not as if he stopped trying, per se, it's more like Randal has just decided to drop the pretenses and reveal that he does not, in fact, give a single fuck whatsoever about comedy or keeping up appearances thereto.

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    1. What do you mean? You seriously think that a grown man kicking the shit out of little kids is not funny?





























      I actually laughed at 1164. Please god, kill me now.

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    2. I also like the idea. I'd love to see it made into a film.

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  32. The next POTUS needs to be a lady. I’m callin’ it, no backsies. Guys, we had a nice run, but it’s time to give ladies a chance to fix all the things we messed up.

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    1. lol what a beta faggot

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    2. Yeah, Thatcher did such a bang-up job of turning Britain from a world leader into a... oh wait.

      And Reagan, who was really nothing more than an actor/performer - and as such a bitch in every sense of the word - couldn't have been better for America, right?

      If you thought patriarchy was bad, you should try matriarchy.

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  33. Replies
    1. It reminds me of C&H in the sense, "If I move as far as possible from this comic without entering deep space, which comic would I reach?"

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