Monday, September 24, 2012

Comics 1110-1112: Deep, Man

1110. The interface was horrible but this was reasonably fun. B-

1111. Wouldn't it be hilarious if a reporter started talking about the fact that the universe is dying instead of the event they were covering? D

1112. Is the whole point of this really "lol people who complain about game balance just suck at the game" or am I missing something? F

210 comments:

  1. Thankyou.

    Now I've got stage fright and forgotten my witticisms. Damn.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Replies
    1. Ron Paul would never win, he's too rational and full of good arguments.

      Delete
    2. Eumesmopo, at the risk of doing an act capable of encouraging suicide contrary to s.2 of the Suicide Act 1961, I ask you to please kill yourself right now.

      Delete
    3. Ron Paul is the worst politician the USA has *ever* created - and I'm including all the "free market definition of what counts as a human" pre-Civil War politicians in that.

      Delete
    4. RP couldn't be worse than any of the presidents from Truman to Obama even if he raped babies.

      Delete
    5. Let me guess, Eumesmopo: you're a socially awkward computer geek in his late teens or early 20s who considers himself to be of above average intelligence and who constantly gets angry about how "dumb" the world is?

      You're also significantly more well off than those around you and you are convinced that it's mostly down to what you think is your hard (but only in the sit-on-your-ass-and-vaguely-apply-your-neurons sense) work and your God-given right to exploit your intelligence even to others' detriment.

      Delete
    6. If you want to offend me, you can freely call me a cocksucking/cum-dumpster/nigger/faggot/sisterfucker. But please, for the love of god, don't compare me to Randall Monroe for that's far too obnoxious.

      Delete
    7. Hey now, what's the problem with sisterfuckers?

      Delete
    8. Possibility of retard-baby. Ron Paul thinks abortion is murder.

      Delete
  3. Time for a poll, everybody! When was the last time you had sex and how often have you had it and how old are you?

    GO!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yesterday. my partner was on the blob so it was messy as fuck - just the way i like it.
      when you get beyond your teens, you don't count how many times you have had it.
      31.

      Delete
    2. I have had sex 3+1634i times. And I am 34-14i years old

      That's right! I know complex numbers.

      Delete
    3. I know more numbers than you.

      Prove me wrong.

      captcha: 69 finalbu. wait what

      Delete
    4. In other words, you've had sex 3 times, but you've imagined yourself doing it 1634 times. You're 34, but you wish you were 20. And yet you feel proud enough to say so on a comment thread full of complete strangers, thinking we wouldn't mock you for it because we're too dumb to know about complex numbers. I think I speak for all of us when I say: Dude, that's sad.

      Delete
    5. don't listen to Jon Levi we all secretly think he's a dick.

      Delete
    6. Assuming integers, for any number n that you know I know the numbers n and n+1. Assuming any other non finite group, for any number n that you know I know the numbers n and n<group operation>n. Will there be anything else?

      Delete
    7. Unroll, that's an assertion, not a proof.

      It would have just as useless but more succinct to say "For any number n that you know I know the number n".

      And your penultimate sentence, considering closure, is especially stupid.

      Did you know the number 2394823983.348272842, for example? Maybe you recognise it now, but I bet you've never even thought of it before. I have so many more numbers like this that you do not know.

      Delete
    8. To know is to be able to define. Having "thought of it before" is not a definition of knowing that I agree with. I mean, for example, all integers are "known" to us, all digits of the decimal representation of pi are not. All terms of the sequence where the nth term is 2n are known, all the terms of an uncomputable sequence like nth term is the number of babies born in year n AD are not.

      tl;dr I believe known = computable, you evidently believe known = computed

      I was going for "I know at least as many integers as you", not necessarily exactly as many, although you're right that would disprove the original as well.

      Considering closure, it either yields itself or a different member of the group. I can't see what you mean.

      Delete
    9. If known = computable then all the decimal digits of pi are known but all the real numbers are not.

      In fact, the digits of pi are more known in any real sense than "all the numbers", because there *is* some formula for establishing each decimal digit of pi. But there is no way of "computing" all real numbers - they are uncountable.

      Your group comment seemed to be vacuous beyond "I know something about group terminology". For if you know any member n of the group then you also trivially know n op n as it is (possibly another) one of those members.

      Delete
    10. I was very careful not to claim that "all the numbers" were somehow known, so don't put words in my mouth. I only talked about countably infinite sets. Also, pi itself is non algebraic and irrational, so the formula you're talking about has to be an approximation method that can calculate the value to within a non zero error.

      You're right though, if your number is in an uncountable set I don't know it. My example was specifically for integers and other countable sets.

      "For if you know any member n of the group then you also trivially know n op n as it is (possibly another) one of those members."
      Yes, by the same token knowing n+1 given n is exactly as trivial, which is to say not trivial at all. Again, I was demonstrating I know at least as many numbers, not exactly as many, which is why I went to the trouble of outlining how I could compute an additional member of the group for any group.

      Delete
    11. 0. If I can with 100% certainty obtain the digit then it doesn't matter what sort of formula I'm using.

      1. I asserted that I know more numbers than you. If you're going to read assumptions into that, you have to either state them or expect me to take you in good faith as trying to tackle the problem as presented.

      2. Anyway, you specifically talked about "any other non finite group". This includes the additive group of real numbers (R,+), where the members of R are uncountable. So you weren't only talking about countably infinite sets at all.

      3. "Exactly as many" implies "at least as many".

      4. What is not trivial about knowing n+1 given n?

      tl;dr I still know more numbers than you.

      Delete
    12. 0. You cannot with 100% certainty obtain all digits. Read my last comment. The error is non zero. You can achieve an arbitrary degree of accuracy but not absolute accuracy.

      1,2. Yes I agree, I should have explicitly stated the specific case I was looking at. I overlooked uncountable sets when thinking of the proof.

      3. No. The set of possibilities covered by "exactly as many" is a subset of the possibilities covered by "at least as many". "At least as many" => "exactly as many" OR "more"

      4. The fact that you know one more number than the other person.

      tl;dr Yes, good job.

      Delete
    13. 0. There are infinite digits therefore you'd need infinite time to obtain all of them, but you *can* with 100% certainty obtain any of them - and, with infinite time, all of them.

      Perhaps you are saying that any particular iteration of some program you have in mind will only give a certain precision, but that doesn't matter - you just view that program as a subroutine to a larger program which repeatedly calls it requesting higher precision. But there are algorithms which add terms or whatever to repeatedly obtain known better precision, so even that's unnecessary.

      Let's see what else you could have meant by recalling what you said:

      "all integers are known to us, all digits of the decimal representation of pi are not."

      You clearly didn't mean "all integers can be written down in a finite amount of time", did you? We have a very simple formula for obtaining all the integers too, but you'd need to run the algorithm (not, then, perhaps strictly an algorithm) forever to get them all. IOW, in finite time you can only list all the integers "to an arbitrary degree of accuracy but not absolute accuracy".

      3. My argument: a in S, S subset T => a in T. Your argument: b in T, S subset T => b may be in S but maybe not. I'm not sure what your point is, but it's not contradicted mine. Perhaps you were keen to show that T contains some elements not in S. But you haven't shown that. You've merely shown a hypothetical candidate for an unspecified number.

      4. To be absolutely clear: you haven't proven that I don't know n+1.

      Delete
    14. 8 minutes then I'm going to bed, if you have anything else to add... AFK for daaaays after that so get yer Internet manpoints in!

      Delete
    15. My defense is pretty untenable. That's cute, do you have all of next week planned out?

      Delete
    16. To get back to the original poll, the answers for the last several posters are "never" and "30, give or take 10".

      Delete
    17. why is everyone pretending this is the xkcd forums

      Delete
  4. Megaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

    This is like a few miles from where I live. Good job, Randy. Pity your ego meant you chose to disguise yourself as a "maths teacher". Way too obvious. Should have chosen geography or something - it's just a field trip gone awry, then.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. she looks like a dude

      Delete
    2. Abu Hamza? Well, he'll be flying your way in a few weeks, so you can take a closer look...

      Delete
    3. I know that this blog enjoys harping on Megan, and I can get behind that. But isn't trying to tie Randy to a real world tragedy, even jokingly, just tasteless?

      Delete
  5. I'm gonna go out on a limb here, Rob, but I think you use rather unsupportable subjective criteria in your letter grade assessments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. go back to africa

      Delete
    2. How might one 'go back' to a geographic location one has never actually visited?
      Perhaps you mean for me to 'go back' to Africa in a spiritual or philosophical sense. If so, please to explain what that might be?

      Delete
    3. Actually, I have visited Africa. I once watched the sunrise at Abu Simbel and expectorated on the "Living Image of Aten" just before a bus load of Master Race types descended the stairs and 'polluted' the chamber thus forcing me to seek cleaner climes.

      Delete
    4. I support my grades by resting them on my enormous girth.

      Delete
    5. They rest there regardless of Rob's spatial orientation, enthralled by his mighty gravity.

      Delete
  6. Alright, I'm bored with Randall's What Ifs. They're all the same thing. "Leaving aside the laws of physics long enough to create an impossible situation, here's what the reinstated laws of physics say could happen" Yawn. Since we apparently need magic to create the What If scenarios in the first place, who's to say the wizard's spell couldn't have safeguards to prevent all the death and destruction Randy envisions?

    That's the other thing. Every secenario plays out with ridiculously hyperbolic destructive forces. Tsunami force jets of superheated plasma. Hurricanes of blood. Tornadoes of antimatter. Supervolcanos erupting birdshit at supersonic speeds. Faster than light shockwaves generated by the thermonuclear decomposition of small mammals. The entire population of the world trampled to death by the AI-enhanced buses of the Providence transport system.

    Were you looking for a joke? Here you go. Michael Bay is a bad film-maker and his movies are chock full of ridiculous destructive scenarios. Ha-ha. It's so funny, Randall used it once in 748, based his entire What If series off of aping (his vision of) Michael Bay, then brought it up again explicitly in What If #10.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have decided that if Randy were really an Engineering On An Epic Scale geek, he'd be spending his time What If'ing with stuff like this guy has in his backyard. If he actually built/refurbished engines like these but also wrote a comic in which he described his adventures or what he would do if life were a little bit different, I would be impressed. I wouldn't even care that this Wesley Crusher wannabe can't draw or that he can't tell even old jokes for shit.

      In fact, I was trawling Youtube last night and it's amazing how amateur engineers can produce a quality product. And, at the risk of conflict of interest, I always find it interesting to note how many of these guys are radio hams. There's an underlying philosophy of doing something not because it's easy and not because it makes money, but because it's an intellectual and manual challenge. Like JFK said before he was assassinated - although that cunt obviously included Vietnam in the "but because they are hard" category.

      But no. Everything Randall does is in his head. Useless idiot.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous September 25, 2012 8:11 AM said,

      ".....Like JFK said before he was assassinated - although that cunt obviously included Vietnam in the "but because they are hard" category......"

      That is not what JFK said before he was assassinated! Just before he was assassinated he was explaining to Jackie why it was necessary to end school segregation but NOT to end the segregation of Marilyn's thighs.
      And Vietnam was not 'hard'. The Military/Industrial Complex made it appear so for marketing purposes.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous September 25, 2012 9:11 AM said,

      ".....obviously...."

      You, sir/madame, are good. Your laconic ripostes are indeed challenging.
      But, alas, I can't be arsed to rise to them.

      Pity.

      Delete
    4. In response to your expected response, I proffer, premptively, "Nyuck, nyuck."

      Delete
    5. Randy's aptitude for scientific method is on par with that of Mythbusters. They perform an experiment, find it boring, then proceed to introduce obscene amounts of energy through one form or another, culminating in: "LOL ASPLOSIONS"
      This is ok for Mythbusters, because they're engineers and entertainers, not scientists, and you respect them for the expertise and time it takes to physically set up the experiments and inevitable explosions. Randall sits at home and wildly speculates on the behaviour under impossible scenarios of systems that he read two Wikipedia articles on.

      Delete
  7. The parents of obese children are good parents.
    Period!
    So what if they are condemning their crotch-fruit to a lifetime of ill-health excused only by its mercifully short duration(People who were obese as children will die 25 years or so sooner than they otherwise would have had they not been obese when young).
    The parents of the obese give their children everything the child desires - food wise that is. The children are happy!
    The parents of the obese also keep their fat offspring safe from predators. As far as I can tell, there are no chubby-chasing paedophiles lurking about and 'fugly' teens are never raped!

    A morbidly obese child is a safe and happy child!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i had sex with a fatty under AoC

      Delete
    2. AoC?
      Articles of Confederation?

      Article 11:
      If "Canada" (as the British-held Province of Quebec was also known) accedes to this confederation, it will be admitted.

      Oh dear! What might have been!

      Delete
  8. Chess is for dorks. Go is the real shit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can't play 'Strip' Go. You can play 'Strip' chess.
      Now that I, as Black, have chosen the Queen's Indian when you, as White, avoided the Nimzo-Indian by playing 3.Nf3 instead of 3.Nc3, you must take off your blouse.

      Delete
    2. All games are for dorks.

      Real men apply their intelligence to solving real problems.

      Delete
    3. Real women create these real problems in order to watch real men apply their intelligence in buttock-clenched ways in their effort to solve these real 'problems'.

      Delete
    4. Playing Chess as a tease game makes it suck even worse.

      Delete
    5. This queen takes your knight, Eumesmopo.

      Delete
    6. Careful, Eumesmopo, that Anonymous is a quean, not a queen.

      Delete
    7. As opposed to the perfectly well-behaved lady that you are.

      Delete
  9. On Thursday, September 27, 2012, at 06:00 Local Time, I depart from YOW.
    On Saturday, September 29, 2012, at 00:15 Local Time, I arrive at BKK.
    Total stops/connections: 4.
    Total transit time: 35+/- hours.

    Will you miss me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know. What about you? Will you miss me?

      Delete
    2. Yes Anonymous, I will miss you.
      I will miss you as the wind misses a McDonald's hamburger wrapper.
      I will miss you as an XKCDsucks reader misses the point.
      I will miss you every chance I get.

      Delete
    3. Your feeble doggerel does not convince me

      Delete
    4. Probably not for long. You were forgotten within the month last time, and surely you've noticed that your impact this time around has been somewhat less profound. There were moments when you even made out to be coveting esteem, which really let down your prior display of unflappable self reliance. However, I think most of your problem (if it can be considered such) stems from most of this blog's remaining audience not being the envious type. Those with delusions regarding their own worth left long ago.

      Where I really feel let down, however, is that my private theory of weaselsoup being an intentional inversion of your traits never played out. I had noticed that everything making you unlikable were reversed to make her likable (her gentle participation as opposed to your slipshod arrogance, her sexual frustration ie. availability as opposed to your sexual assertiveness ie. unavailability, etc.), and I sat back waiting for a grand culmination which never arrived. All we got was a washed out repeat of the first incursion, the experience of which was similar to the flavour of a vanilla diet milkshake immediately after consuming a packet of icing sugar. My expectations here were perhaps too high, but it was still disappointing.

      Maybe you could at least give weaselsoup some pickup tips before you go?

      Have fun in Thailand. Suck off a ladyboy for me, and try bringing a new facet if you ever come back.

      Delete
    5. Also, four stops to Bangkok? Something's afoot.

      Delete
    6. Ah, that's one tricky riddle... Your mum? Is it your mum's that's afoot, Anon?

      Delete
  10. Rob?
    I know you're sleeping and I really do hate to bother you, but I wonder if you could get up and adjust the angle of your webcam a little to its left. All I can see now is your 20 litre econo-barrel of Astroglide - with the "touch free" motion sensor activated 'bliss' dispenser, a quartet of IKEA 'SKUBB' boxes - burgundy colour and a recent Domino's large pizza box - extra baby leeks and venison.
    There's a good boy.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Of my schoolfriends, the longest I have known are i) doing a rather interest-attracting PhD [removed detail lest you cunts contact him], having been a trader for a while; and ii) having done a PhD at Imperial, now working in industrial process management.

    Of the more recent, we have one strategist at the MoD, one absurdly well-paid investment fund manager, one Cambridge postdoc researcher, and one (the one we all thought was mediocre) is head of department for a local private school. The dullest boy I recall from our House is now a GP with a special interest in mental health; the nastiest is (almost satisfyingly) only an investment banker of minor consequence.

    I have reviewed my life and, looking at how much of a failure I am, I now choose death.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't tell for sure if that's black humour, angst or an actual suicide message thrown into this blog at random. Wharever's the case, cheer up:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFrGuyw1V8s

      Delete
    2. don't forget to tell someone to upload the video

      Delete
  12. I postulate here that you can only become so fat before you can become no more fat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only because you eventually die.

      Delete
  13. Anonymous September 26, 2012 12:13 AM said,

    ".......as opposed to your slipshod arrogance....."

    "Slipshod"?

    SLIP-SHOD (adjective)

    1. careless, untidy, or slovenly: slipshod work.
    2. down-at-heel; seedy; shabby.
    3. Archaic: wearing slippers or loose shoes, especially ones worn at the heel.

    Definitions 1 and 2 are hardly apropos. My arrogance is Olympic in stature!
    My bunny-slippers would accommodate definition 3 though.


    "......Where I really feel let down, however, is that my private theory of weaselsoup being an intentional inversion of your traits never played out....."

    If by 'played out' you mean 'came to fruition' and if by 'let down' you mean 'disappointed', I can understand your concern. The discovery that you have improperly formulated, ostensibly because of your lack of intellectual acumen, a correct private theory must be traumatic for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad I'm not the first person to think weaselsoup was ALTF's alterego, even if they do not yet coincide in space and/or time.

      Also AC's formulation is "ostensibly" better than your alternative.

      Delete
    2. Mustelagoulash is my alterid.

      Who the fuck is AC?

      Delete
    3. Take a photo of yourself for us before you leave. Hold up a "Goodbye xkcdsucks" sign. Make the photo available to us.

      occupatio: No excuses based on lexical, syntactic or semantic matters in this post.

      Cheers.

      Delete
    4. "......Take a photo of yourself for us before you leave. Hold up a "Goodbye xkcdsucks" sign. Make the photo available to us......"

      s2r

      I have, in my possession, separate photographs of Drew Brees, Stevie Nicks and Marianne Faithful together, Bob Dylan and, of all people, Danny Glover holding a sign which reads: "ALTF SUX".
      You will never see these.

      Delete
    5. Let us hear your voice.

      Delete
    6. Back then she asked if we would miss her just so that she could respond to any show of affection with indifference and smugness. Dear ALTF, I hope you're not that unidimensional in real life or you would be a very dull and boring person.

      Delete
    7. I am more than very dull and boring.
      I am irksome and zerodimensional IRL - get the Point?

      Delete
    8. Having zero dimensions means you can't exist in real life you dumb skullfuck.

      Delete
    9. You didn't get the Point, did you?
      No you did not.

      Still, you're right about my non-existence IRL. So much for the usefulness of Rob's 'Word Verification' hurdle.
      Innit?

      Delete
    10. I think we should draw a Line under this twodimensional troll.

      LINE? TWO DIMENSIONS? GET IT. I HAVE ALTF QUALITY HUMOR.

      Delete
    11. To be equivalent to my droll dross, in quality, you must spell it 'humour'.

      Delete
    12. That would (further) insult humourists everywhere.

      Delete
    13. I know of no extant humourist, anywhere, who is as proficient at my chosen vocation as I am at their chosen vocation.

      Delete
    14. The persona being fictional doesn't make the actor unreal. By "dear ALTF" I don't refer to the obviously unexisting IRL internet character, but to the felch who's typing the crap I'm reading.

      Delete
    15. being dull is a vocation ideally practised rarely.

      Delete
    16. Hey ALTF can we have the photo please; I promise I won't fap to it.

      Delete
    17. Horseshit, ALTF. Even speaking as a straight male I'd rather get a blowjob from Julian Clary.

      Delete
    18. "......Hey ALTF can we have the photo please; I promise I won't fap to it......"

      s2r
      And I make no promises.

      "......being dull is a vocation ideally practised rarely...."

      I am not ideal.
      Like I have said before, at least once that I recall, if only you knew who I was/am. I have a VERY large Wikipedia page - with photographs and everything - wherein many gentiles and assorted reprobates endlessly debate the veracity and validity of my various worldly accolades.
      While I am away, perhaps you might avail yourself of it?

      Delete
    19. ".......Even speaking as a straight male I'd rather get a blowjob from Julian Clary......"

      How about as a gayer then?

      Delete
    20. Eumesmopo September 26, 2012 11:43 AM said,

      ".....but to the felch who's typing the crap I'm reading......"

      'Felch'?
      I had to research that word.
      It works as a noun?
      Curious.

      Delete
    21. Link to the Wikipedia page, then?

      Thought not.

      You remind me of why people took tours of Bedlam.

      Delete
    22. Eumesmopo September 26, 2012 11:43 AM said,

      ".....but to the felch who's typing the crap I'm reading......"

      I do not type, nor do I keyboard. I copy-paste letters/words with my mouse.

      Delete
    23. ".....You remind me of why people took tours of Bedlam....."

      Bethlem Royal?
      My favourite hell on earth!

      Delete
    24. Fun fact: Bedlam was founded in 1337.

      Not so interesting fact: last time I stood on the Greenwich Meridian at Greenwich, someone took a photo of me standing underneath the clock at 13:37.

      captcha generator: 137. Fuck.

      Delete
    25. do tell us more

      Delete
    26. That's very humourous of you!
      Red Hats!
      My tutor seems to extort huge sums of money from those gals. And they give freely and willingly. I reckon he's diddling them on the side- perhaps even 'felching'.

      Delete
    27. ".....Fun fact: Bedlam was founded in 1337......"

      Fun Fact: I don't fucking care!

      Delete
    28. So what does this lecherous wretch of a tutor tutor you in?

      Delete
    29. "....So what does this lecherous wretch of a tutor tutor you in?...."

      The manners and proper deportment which is expected of me according to my high social class.
      It's an onerous battle for the poor man.

      Stop fucking ending your sentences with a preposition or I'll fuck you up.

      Delete
    30. Carl ought to be on the guy on the far right, looking back in maddening despair as he sees what has become of his creation.

      Delete
    31. Funny guy, but I must protest. I do not have delusions of grandeur, but of adequacy.

      Delete
    32. Your feeble threats only spur me on.

      That's fine work, you should post more frequently here.

      Delete
    33. Like me mam always said: "Treat 'em like shite, the mens loves it!"

      Delete
    34. was your mother an 18th century tavern wench or just impersonating one?

      Delete
    35. The little penis you inscribe in your 'O's to turn them into 'Q's is pitiful.
      Are you trying to under-compensate?

      Delete
    36. I fear that even the smallest under-compensation would be redundant over-compensation.

      Delete
    37. "My arrogance is Olympic in stature!"

      Sorry, but it looks pretty slipshod to me. Maybe you can try for Olympic arrogance in your second sequel.

      Delete
  14. hey polaczky polaczky

    ReplyDelete
  15. Eumesmopo September 26, 2012 11:43 AM said,

    ".....but to the felch who's typing the crap I'm reading......"

    'Felch'?
    I had to research that word.
    It works as a noun?
    Curious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't give a felch. ♫♪ bah dum tss ♪♫
      -
      Anyway. Who are you (the felch behind the keyboard, I mean)?

      Delete
    2. Not bloody likely my friend.
      I've too much to lose.

      Delete
    3. Is your dad going to spank your ass if he finds out?

      Delete
    4. My father was killed by followers of Aung San Suu Kyi when we were escaping Myanmar.
      As a result, I don't like her much.

      My success in the NGO business rests on my anonymity. You would not have me endanger my financial well being would you?

      Delete
    5. And this is why daddy told me never to dismiss privileged reactionaries - even a broken watch hangs around the right neck once in a while.

      Delete
    6. Fuck me! You ignorant cunts, that's the "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" for fuck's sake!
      Ignorant fucking savages!

      Delete
    7. we know fuck what the fuck do you want a medal for the reference jesus

      Delete
    8. You fucking well don't know!
      And yes, I want a laurel.

      Delete
    9. We discussed the Rime a few days ago, didn't we? Do not expose yourself as one who has merely sampled the Pierian spring.

      Delete
    10. A few days ago? The fuck we did. I wasn't involved and how dare you discuss such poetry without me?
      Like these fucking Yankees would be able to contribute?

      A little slathering is a dangerous thing. Drink deep, or taste not the Priapean sprung.

      Delete
    11. So ALTF, is this new "I SUCK COCKS" sig permanent?

      Delete
  16. yes we fucking do the shoehorned reference was simply ignored because it had no relevance to the conversation at hand. you simply jump at the fucking remotest piddling opportunity to showcase the storybook daddy read you last night and expect everyone to attribute it to your culture and panache. well fuck you and fuck the horse you rode in on too because no one buys that shit for a second.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ".....well fuck you and fuck the horse you rode in on...."

      You mean the horse in on which I rode?
      You are an unlettered cunt. And no mistake.

      Delete
    2. I realise that you're side-tracked what with having to issue French letters to the Spanish maid on what's to go in your German suitcase, but would you mind bringing your usual Fool-ish creativity back to your posts? I hate to see a once great Hooke fall.

      Delete
    3. Speaking of luggage, I assume it is ALTF standing faithfully next to the old guy by the Topas Titanium. The hug gives it away.

      Delete
    4. "....would you mind bringing your usual Fool-ish creativity back to your posts?....."

      Are you talking to me?

      If not, fucking why not?
      If so, fucking why so?

      Delete
    5. ".....I assume it is ALTF standing faithfully next to the old guy....."

      Standing? Yes.
      Faithfully? No.

      Delete
    6. Corporate welfare queens have to stick together!

      Delete
    7. Corporate?
      The Private Sector?
      Are you fucking mad?

      Government financed NGOs all the way!
      I hate the NGOs financed primarily by private donations through public appeals/churches et cetera and such. You have to make it 'look' like you're spending the charitable ducats wisely when the Press snoops about.

      Delete
    8. An NGO is NG. The method of incorporation is a tax detail.

      Maybe it's a language problem? "Corporate welfare" is where the government pays money to private business to do work which i) it could do itself; ii) probably doesn't need doing anyway; and iii) certainly doesn't cost *that* much to do.

      The behaviour of a (com)pliant government is epitomised by The Spitting Image 1987 Election Special in which businessmen celebrate that Britain is about to be handed over to them like so many Philistine foreskins.

      Delete
    9. Once again, death injury agreements strike war Soviets Americans two-nil and stupid bastards.

      Good night.

      Delete
    10. ".....An NGO is NG. The method of incorporation is a tax detail......"

      Maybe so, but 'NGO' oozes off the palate better than 'NG' does.
      And to be perfectly honest, I care nowt for the foreskins of Philistines.

      Delete
    11. All the Ngs at school were so good at mathematics, though.

      And they'd complete their papers early, swing back on their chair, look at you, and grin.

      Bastards!

      Delete
  17. Let's say goodbye with a smile dear,
    Just for awhile dear, we must part
    Don't let this parting upset you,
    I'll not forget you, sweetheart,

    We'll meet again,
    Don't know where,don't know when.
    But I know we'll meet again, some sunny day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ALTF, just wanted to say that my partner is masturbating me while she reads that poem to me as you've written it.

      Don't forget to keep that thought in mind - and I mean vividly, vividly in mind, including the part in a few minutes where I spooge in the direction of the screen and hit your avatar - while you're having your holiday at our expense!

      Delete
    2. I do not allow you to leave us, ALTF.

      Delete
    3. 2:46, would the memory of that particular ejaculation be tarnished if I were to inform you that, far from being an ALTF poem, what you were masturbated to was merely a transcription from a classic song?

      Delete
    4. Nah. She sang it just like that old Eva Braun, she did.

      Delete
    5. Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn?
      Remember how she said that we would meet again some sunny day.

      Vera! Vera!
      What has become of you?
      Does anybody else in here feel the way I do?

      Delete
    6. Maybe. I usually use my hands. How do you do it?

      Delete
    7. I myself keep my hands in my pockets. I stand uncomfortably close to women in crowded places, protesting the lack of standing space if they complain about the bulge in my pants pressing into their backs.

      Delete
    8. I just act offended that they're pressing their large ass against my groin.

      Whatever response they make either admits that they're fat or that I'm exceptionally well hung. When I'm in the US, both of these are usually true.

      Delete
  18. Best suicide method?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shooting your medulla oblongata from the back of your skull with a high caliber, modern, clean, and well maintained gun is the most painless and guaranteed way to kill yourself. If you can't acquire a gun, then your most guaranteed option would be to jump from a heigh of at least 40m and drop with your head against a solid concrete floor, however, this method has the downside of being far too dramatic and conspicuous.
      -
      If you are afraid of shocking too much the people that will find your corpse and want a clean death, then you have two good options:
      1º - Hanging - Only try it if you can make a good hangman's knot and tie it to something tall and sturdy. Practice it with objects that have the same weigh as you before you actually give it a go. Here's a video tutorial on how to make a hangman's knot:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7WCzFbrD3E
      2º - Asphyxia by Carbon Monoxide - All you have to do here is lock yourself inside an airtigh room (if you need to improvise the airtighting, don't make a rushed job with masking tape, instead; use clay putty and take your time to truly seal all the air passages) and burn a good amount of coal inside it. Don't worry for it won't hurt the least bit.
      -
      If you do, however, possess a shitload of balls and want to suicide like a man you can always simply grab a kitchen knife and proceed to sever your femoral arteries, stab yourself in the aorta and finish with a deep cut in the carotids. But be warned that the pain will break all but the strongest of will.

      Delete
    2. The best suicide is the intellectual suicide of devoting your life to religion.

      Delete
    3. The worst suicide is the intellectual suicide of devoting your life to the Free Market.

      Delete
    4. Build a guillotine.

      Delete
    5. There's this dude cut off his own head with a chainsaw

      Delete
    6. "Some factual information for you. Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?"

      "How much?" said Arthur.

      "None at all," said Mr. Prosser.

      Delete
    7. What is it with neo-atheists and college lefties that they have to bash things for no apparent reason?

      Delete
    8. I couldn't think of a worse place to bash silly and harmless things.

      Socialism is satanism! Ban niceness! Privatise the government then give it unregulated power! Ron Paul 2012!

      Delete
    9. You know that dude in the room who imagines he is relating some insight when he's really just explaining the joke that everybody else had caught on to? The guy that you seem to keep encountering at all the parties you go to even though nobody will ever admit to having invited him?

      Is that guy Eumesmopo, or is it me?

      Delete
    10. Interesting paradox, but I'd still say it's him.

      Delete
    11. Anon 3:43:
      For all I know, Obama has helped a lot in the "Privatise the government then give it unregulated power!" part. RP would at least put an end to the corporate welfare and the fascist foreign policies.
      Anon 4:50:
      Nobody invited me, but it's not like I live to please anyone's whims anyway.

      Delete
    12. RP would enable the private sector to take over the old roles of government, becoming the new government.

      A country happy to buy from the China state corporation will be as happy to buy from something even more resembling John Company.

      There will always be power at the top. What changes is the extent to which that power is moderated by democratic will. "Small government" just means "little democratic input".

      Delete
    13. And since when is being ruled by sellout bigwig lobbymongers a form of democratic input? US goverment already owns it's balls to a wealthy network of private interests (just look at Iraq, Lybia, ACTA, NDAA, EESA, PATRIOT and all those other stupid things that US wouldn't have done if it really were a democratic and constitutional goverment) and because of that it acts as a inverted Robin Wood, it takes away the money of the poor with it's unbalanced tax system and gives it to the rich through the guise of bullshit such as "foreing aid", "public healthcare", "national security" and "bailouts". The people at the bottom of the food chain would do much better without a big goverment.

      Delete
    14. This sure is an exciting exchange of the same old tired rhetoric that everybody has heard before. It is the debate to end all debates. Who will stick most steadfastly to their cookie cut ideal? Who will most convincingly feign that their position is built more upon rationality than emotion? The anticipation is intense.

      Delete
  19. A mediocre suicide is the intellectual suicide of coming to this blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A vainglorious suicide is the intellectual suicide of assuming that your life is more meaningful than this blog.

      Delete
  20. There are insufficient Megan Stammers Stammers jokes.

    In formulating his plan, I would like to start by assuming that Forrest was not talkin' 'bout his g-g-g-generation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jokes about Megan will get old.

      Unlike Megan.

      Delete
    2. I'm surprised Randy isn't getting on his White Knight horse and milking this one too.

      Delete
  21. i like how the alt text for 1113 serves no purpose other than to over-explain the joke, thereby making it totally unfunny

    ReplyDelete
  22. I think most "bad" people are simply scared. Not counting psychopaths, psychotics, and jews

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think most "bad" people are simply cunts.

      Delete
    2. To be sure. But if it makes any sense, the judge part of me is intolerant, the human part, indulgent.

      Delete
    3. I think all scared people should be weeded out and exterminated. The next evolution of society can't afford cowards. You are only as strong as your weakest link.

      Delete
    4. Meet the contemporary ubermensch: internet tough guy

      Delete
    5. Bet you wouldn't say that to my face.

      Delete
    6. Bet you'd never show it.

      Delete
    7. Your ass has always been the reasonable one.

      Delete
    8. Come on, 5:49. Pics/dox or you are a pussy.

      Delete
    9. http://www.facebook.com/daniel.smithson.180, bitch. If you have the guts to meet up I'll fuck you up.

      Delete
    10. Yeah, you probably would fuck me up. I would be laughing so hard at your faggot goatee that I wouldn't be able to defend myself.

      Delete
    11. http://www.facebook.com/officialchucknorrispage?fref=ts, bring it on son. Pick a time and place.

      Delete
    12. Just what kind of retarded white trash fuck threatens, right out of the blue, people he doesn't even know and proceeds to show his identity after that? Seriously, were you born with idiotism or did you catch it by sucking musty cocks?

      Delete
    13. lol you actually believe that profile belongs to the person who posted it?

      Delete
  23. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

    Hey, did I tell you I visited a tribe of pedophiliac cannibals the other day?

    ReplyDelete
  24. That's just what the tribe tells tourists. They were probably all sniggering and nudging each other in the ribs as they watched you operate under the illusion you were broadening your cultural horizons.

    ReplyDelete