Sunday, September 9, 2012

Comics 1100-1105: Six Times As Terrible

1100. Randy has been trying for absurdism lately, but he's not very good at it. This one has the makings of something good but the execution is, as usual, pretty awful. D+

1101. I don't know why Randy thinks "sex dungeon" is not very sketchy. I also don't know why he thought this comic was funny. F

1102. Guess which Wiki article Randy has discovered? (Hint: it's this one.) D

1103. You know, I think it's actually been quite a while since Randy did the whole "LOOK HOW QUIRKY I AM, YOU GUYS" thing. For that I can forgive him. C

1104. Didn't Randy once say that birds literally are dinosaurs? This makes the whole "coming to terms with feathered dinosaurs" thing feel a little hollow. C-

1105. If you were to write a thesis on Randy's inability to use the alt text correctly, this would be the most important evidence in your favor. D+

208 comments:

  1. knowing that you agree with me about the alt-text on 1105 fills me with an absurdly overinflated sense of validation

    LOOKS GUYS I AM CRITIC

    ReplyDelete
  2. rob is vitrolic and spiteful because he wishes he could write a funny comic on almost literally every subject. what's the matter? sad that this blog doesn't get enough traffic to get 1% of what XKCD earns?

    go chug some lard, friend

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you are like three years late to this party my friend

      Delete
    2. Fucktards who make improper use of the word "literally" ought to be dipped head first into a cauldron full of boilling diarrhea.

      Delete
    3. Fucktards who make improper use of the word "literally" ought to literally be dipped head first into a cauldron full of boilling diarrhea.

      Delete
    4. ALMOST literally, you worthless assfull of stale cum.

      Delete
    5. In the same way you are ALMOST heterosexual, Anonymous@3:10?

      Delete
    6. And yet you've been sitting here alone, rob.

      Delete
  3. 6:58 is vitriolic and spiteful because he wishes he could write a funny blog post on almost literally every xkcd comic. what's the matter? sad this comment doesn't get enough traffic to get 1% of what xkcd sucks earns?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. vid is vitriolic and spiteful because he wishes he could write a funny troll post on literally every xkcdsucks thread. what's the matter? sad your comments don't cause enough rage to generate 1% of the anger 6:58 earns?

      Delete
    2. Vid's lack of graciousness in the Comments section of his guest review together with his stupid avatar create an intense dislike in me for him.

      Or, to be more confrontational:

      Vid, your lack of graciousness in the Comments section of your guest review together with your stupid avatar create an intense dislike in me for you.

      Delete
    3. Quite frankly, Anon, I find your avatar to be unoriginal.

      Delete
  4. These comments are almost literally the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever seen.

    ReplyDelete
  5. 1100 has no correlation whatsoever with Absurdism. Stop trying to sound intellectual by regurgitating fancy words you don't actually understand the meaning of, ALTF already took that role.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i take it you've never heard of absurdist fiction then

      Delete
    2. Your supposition is wrong.
      -
      If you're not too lazy for that. Could you tell us were did you think you saw absurdist elements on that excuse of a comic?

      Delete
    3. i would, but i get really tired of dealing with know-it-all pricks trying to tell me that i don't know anything about the shit i've built my life around. the conversations are invariably tiresome and fruitless.

      Delete
  6. You get tired of arguing with pricks, but you don't get tired of maintaining a hate blog overdue it's death. The exact attitude of one who stagnates on mediocrity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah, it sure is hard shitting out five sentences every week or so

      Delete
    2. That's the whole point, turds-for-brains. You can't take a choice into either abandoning xkcd sucks OR putting some real effort into it and make it something worthy of readership and so you stay in the "indecise line" that makes this blog be the piece of shit it currently is. That's what being mediocre is all about: being akratic and/or philistine and not having the determination to understand that if something deserves to be done it deserves to be well done.

      Delete
    3. ...holy christ you're stupid.

      Delete
    4. That's a funny way of admitting that what I say is true.

      Delete
    5. you say that as if "truth" is a word that holds some sort of meaning for me

      Delete
    6. Denial of truth allows for denial of everything, including a pitiful existence. All in all, a clever characterological armor.

      Delete
    7. >That's what being mediocre is all about: being akratic and/or philistine

      Have you been diagnosed as having learning difficulties or are you clouded by envy because Rob is more inciteful than you?

      Delete
    8. >characterological
      >regurgitating fancy words you don't actually understand the meaning of, ALTF already took that role.

      And ALTF does it better than you too.

      Delete
    9. Write a guest review, Eumesmopo. You can write what you want because Rob will barely glance at it before putting it up. You can even mock the characterological armour he wears to cover his akratic mediocrity if you want.

      Delete
    10. Eumesmopo wants Rob to kill off the mediocre.

      I have bad news for you, Eumesmopo.

      Delete
    11. pfft Eumesmopo couldn't write a better review than Rob if he had his head up Mark Twain's ass

      Delete
    12. it's= it is
      its=belonging to it

      Delete
    13. shh, let him have his moment of feeling special

      Delete
    14. you are a nicer person than I am Rob

      Delete
    15. than I am = then i am

      Delete
    16. Oh! You're right. Thank you for correcting me, weaselsoup.

      Delete
    17. you're most welcome

      Delete
    18. i lol'd at seeing the insults "turds-for-brains" and "philistine" in the same ragecomment. it made me think of undergrad man-children.

      which is, after all, what this blog is all about.

      Delete
    19. literally using philistine as an insult

      i shiggy diggy do

      Delete
    20. If the reviews were longer, that'd be cool, but I come here religiously to read the one sentence and check the comments.
      Who the fuck cares how much effort he puts into this shit?

      Delete
    21. Sliding my cock between your lips and letting the head rest on your tongue, 4:18.

      Delete
  7. I wish people would stop using the label "ADD" as an excuse for what is really just laziness. There's a difference I think, though I don't know what it because I treat people of either flaw with equal disdain so it doesn't matter really.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laziness is not a flaw - it is the character trait that drives intelligence.

      Delete
    2. that's what i keep telling myself

      Delete
  8. Re Fritzl, what is it about the Austrians/Germans that makes them able to live among atrocities and then, when these people are "discovered" (usually by someone outside their country like an invading allied force), they act like they had noooooooo idea what was going on?

    "There were children/Jews locked up and abused for years? I had no idea omg that sounds awful! Oh well, I guess it happened, but we mustn't let anything like THAT happen again..."

    It is gross denial or merely that the culture has developed the most sincere insincerity civilisation has ever seen? Today Germany forgets its EU obligations to other Member States per all the principles in the Treaties even though it was being helped out during its financial crisis 7 years ago. It pretends that it was not aware of what would happen as a result of dumping cheap exports onto Mediterranean states. They come out with exactly the same thing: "You mean there might have been negative consequences to distorting the market like this? I had no idea omg that sounds awful! Oh well, I guess it happened, but we mustn't let anything like THAT happen again..."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The same reason bicycling is so popular in Germany. Because their fag culture is so highly developed.

      Delete
    2. That doesn't make sense. The Dutch cycle more and they are the most hetro sexual of all Europeans,

      Delete
    3. I am Dutch, I can confirm this.

      Delete
  9. I do not understand the inclusion of comics. It is absurd to say that the character wanted for profitable thinking? If so, who is to represent one character? As if it was in the news recently, or if you have, then you will understand this idea, it would be foolish to give this make sense? There are established characters and character, always under construction, and better defined with this comic? Many questions still not answered.

    (This comment was ran through google transulate many times.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Transulation is surely just conduction.

      Delete
    2. I do not understand the inclusion of comic books. It's funny, I have to consider the interests of the character? If so, what the character is? In the news recently, as you have, or would have been a fool, because if you understand this concept of the meaning of this? I define a good sign that the comic character, however, is still under construction? Many questions remain unanswered.

      (This comment, you often run Google transulate)

      Delete
    3. Perhaps the first to say that, but I think that reading the book is boring. He began to read hundreds of different lengths of prose, threatens to become of his life, does not include a dozen schools.

      I don't think we should improve this book, "Here is the participation of the person, the Red Army immediately or to exclude certain methods of own products. Create an illusion?" And so I'm trying to read. Novels have a point, really bad. I spend anywhere, thinking it was a feeling that it will be really something fake or something for the evacuation. Ideal Françaises romanticises novel; start thinking. He falls asleep. It's pretty selfish.

      The world has enough, it's beautiful, it's bear the reality is much more difficult to overcome. Novels, it always seems like a simple way.

      (This note is a Google transulation multiple times.)

      Delete
    4. Maybe I'm the first person here to say it, but I find bad Google translations really boring. I have started reading hundreds of different bad translations from various languages, and maybe finished a few dozen throughout my life, not counting schoolwork.

      I find it hard to read a bad Google translation without immediately engaging a mindset of, "Here's a meme that some guy has run through translate several times. What language is he using to enable this?" And that's how my whole bad Google translation experience goes. Bad Google translation makes no point well which can't be better made with reference to legitimately bad use of language. It takes me nowhere without giving me the uncomfortable sense that someone thinks this is what I need to be confused by in order to see something false or escape something true. Bad Google translation idealises; it romanticises; it preaches. It falls asleep and it dreams. It is a selfish journey away from the truth.

      The world already has enough that is beautiful and that is abhorrent - and legitimately bad use of the English language is far more challenging to confront. Bad Google translations have always seemed like the easy way out.

      Delete
    5. This site is a joke, right? I just found this place randomly, but I'm a fan of xkcd. I try a lot of people here from the skeptical comics on the surface, to comment. It seems that the sending of the request, the queues will represent a comics geek culture, in fact, but no one has taken responsibility. Treason! And biscuits is not difficult, because their doubles match preferences: cookies than problem berserk.

      It is arrogance, saying only that creative activities, because it does not fulfil the needs of the serious even claimed that the blame for each list. Not to say you can't do it, but it seems that his indignation, false if it is _hidden_, the reason that I really don't like comics.

      Maybe it's just a big SHOO jokes?

      Delete
  10. fart fart fart fart

    faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart

    fart

    ReplyDelete
  11. Rob, honestly after all this time is this really how you want to be using your time?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I expect I spend more time masturbating in a day than Rob seems to spend on this blog.

      I am sorry that it would take you a non-negligible amount of time to do a similar thing, Anon.

      Delete
  12. cocks cocks cocks cocks cocks
    cocks cocks cocks cocks cocks cocks cocks
    cocks cocks cocks cocks cocks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. spring's first flowering
      as I suck a million cocks
      passes unnoticed

      Delete
  13. Like flies upon a festering wound, trolls have descended to feed upon this seemingly endless source of hate, it's almost beautiful in a way.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I think this blog juxtaposes both the beautiful and the ugly of the English language more than anything I've ever seen before.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Jon Levi, are you married? I hope not, because I've found this great lady who would be perfect for you. I met her in a club down in old Soho Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She walked up to Jon Levi and asked him to dance.

      Delete
    2. He asked her her name and in a raspy voice she said "Yoda."

      Delete
  16. I think its time for some 9/11 jokes up in this bitch

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's so funny about the 9th of November?

      Delete
    2. It's the day I raped your mum!

      Delete
    3. "It's the day I raped your mum!"

      It was pretty confusing, but I'm sure something massive went down on me.

      Delete
  17. I dunno, I'm not sure anyone can top http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AYujWCCHRk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hajXMVL8DCM

      You're welcome.

      Delete
  18. The tragedy of the 20th century was the holocaust stripping our social order of its anti-Semetism. September 11 marked a joyous beginning for the 21st century, allowing the oblivious herd to feel the righteous hatred that the Arab scum so richly deserves.

    My dream is that the world will soon go on to learn that Jews are just a more insidious form of Arab, no less deserving of our hatred. Society will continue to stagnate until we learn to collectively cull these racial sinkholes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "... holocaust stripping our social order of its anti-Semetism"

      that comment's pretty meta; its assertions negate themselves.

      Delete
    2. ".....The tragedy of the 20th century was the holocaust stripping our social order of its anti-Semetism....."

      And the ability to spell correctly too it would seem.
      Personally, I consider myself to be a Broad Spectrum Anti Semite. I detest those pesky Gram Positive Jews and Arabs and abhor those lucid Gram Negative Assyrians and Babylonians. And don't get me started on those Carthage-founding Phonecians or biblical Chaldeans.
      Sheesh!

      Delete
    3. Anonymous September 12, 2012 3:37 AM asserted,

      ".....that comment's pretty meta; its assertions negate themselves....."

      I've no idea what 'meta' means so I will not comment, but the assertion that the assertion negates itself is incorrect. Arrange for a friend who possesses a higher level of reading comprehension than you to explain why.

      Delete
    4. A: The holocaust has stripped our social order of its Antisemitism or equivalently, there are no antisemites
      B: A is a tragedy
      C: The person who claims B is an antisemite
      D: 11:36 claims A and B
      E: 11:36 is an antisemite

      C and D => E => not A
      C
      D

      "Arrange for a friend who possesses a higher level of reading comprehension than you to explain"

      the irony

      Delete
    5. The Holocaust has stripped our social order of Anti Semitism, or equivalently, anti Semitism is no longer socially acceptable. Some would profess that a social 'cohesion' is engendered by this shared belief, and it is now lost to us - hence his/her second paragraph wherein he/she supplies a replacement.
      There are still loads of Anti Semites, it's just they can't 'express' it with impunity. They remain quiet.

      E
      I
      E
      I
      O

      The antimony.

      Delete
    6. "There are still loads of Anti Semites, it's just they can't 'express' it with impunity. They remain quiet."

      "The tragedy of the 20th century was the holocaust stripping our social order of its anti-Semetism. September 11 marked a joyous beginning for the 21st century, allowing the oblivious herd to feel the righteous hatred that the Arab scum so richly deserves.

      My dream is that the world will soon go on to learn that Jews are just a more insidious form of Arab, no less deserving of our hatred. Society will continue to stagnate until we learn to collectively cull these racial sinkholes."

      lol no. irl as well, inb4 your predictable idiocy. unless you believe the western world is the world, and that only soapbox public declamation constitutes "expression".

      Delete
    7. Is my idiocy that predictable?

      Thank you!

      Delete
  19. Rob quoted,

    "....."coming to terms with feathered dinosaurs"...."

    I'm still coming to terms with feathered boas.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you have added nothing, as have I

      Delete
    2. True!
      But......
      Between us, we have caused the death of a small child in the Developing World by our wasting of energy.
      Is the Developed World not better off now?

      Delete
    3. ALTF, aren't you supposed to be not here? I already waved good bye to you in the previous thread. This is like that embarrassing moment where you forget your L-P and have to run through security back to me to collect it...

      Delete
    4. ALTF is learning that pretending to be a doctor off the internet is not nearly as rewarding.

      Delete
    5. I said my departure was 'approaching' you unlettered cunts!
      I am here, for your entertainment and edification, for a few days yet.
      Bask in the glory while you can!

      L-P?

      Delete
    6. My death is also "approaching".

      Until that comes to pass, I'm not sure you're edifiable.

      L-P - I thought you had a UN passport.

      My lady has drawn me a bath scented with spices. Ta ta.

      Delete
    7. "My lady has drawn me a bath scented with spices. Ta ta."

      Aww is mommy calling you for your bathy-wathy?

      Delete
    8. Spices can, and do, have a deleterious effect on one's anus when applied externally - careful.
      Try an unguent of concentrated Capsaicin clocking in at 10,000,000 Scoville Units for a flaming good time!

      Laissez-Passer!
      Apologies, I'm in English mode, and accordingly, L-P means 'Long Playing' record and I could not figure out why I would need one on a flight.

      I really do have to get this comment posting thing down. Innit?

      Delete
    9. Well, that was precisely as relaxing as expected.

      @7:21: You must be new here - you're only supposed to show unwarranted hostility against ALTF.

      And I do miss mummy - dear old thing is holidaying in Spain. I say holidaying - she is dragged around by daddy's family for as long as there's a truce in their interminable civil war. Uncle still dreams of being the UGT firebrand he never was, while aunt's vertically challenged husband's a right little franquista. And he can twitch his nipples in rhythm to music, though it's been a while since he performed.

      I digress. Perhaps I shall call her this evening. I appreciate the reminder.

      @ALTF: Well, I did just administer some Savlon, though not quite per anum - the lady was picking some greens from the vegetable garden and a rather macho nettle took her from behind.

      Delete
    10. ".....you're only supposed to show unwarranted hostility against ALTF....."

      If the hostility directed towards me is considered unwarranted I have failed.

      Why the fuck would you have nettles, macho or otherwise, growing in your garden in the first place?
      You fecking Brits! Not happy unless you've something about which to complain, keep a stiff upper lip and remain calm and carry on.

      ".....And I do miss mummy - dear old thing is holidaying in Spain. I say holidaying - she is dragged around by daddy's family for as long as there's a truce in their interminable civil war. Uncle still dreams of being the UGT firebrand he never was, while aunt's vertically challenged husband's a right little franquista. And he can twitch his nipples in rhythm to music, though it's been a while since he performed....."

      UGT Firebrand?
      Franquista?

      Well fuck me from behind with a rolled-up full-coloured 3' by 5' poster of Guernica, youse is a funny cunt!
      For you, I'd be willing to have my lumbar "¡No pasarán!" tattoo removed.

      Delete
    11. The sentiment is graciously accepted, pero ya hemos pasado hace mucho.

      Delete
    12. Cad!
      What of the Lady awash in Savlon?
      I do not wish to affix the horns of a cuckquean on the poor nettled one.

      Men are pigs!

      Delete
    13. I accepted the sentiment, not the invitation.

      Women are expectant!

      captcha: keybumm. AI, dios mío!

      Delete
    14. ".....I accepted the sentiment, not the invitation......"

      There was no invitation!
      And you misread the sentiment.
      A lack of prohibition does not imply invited intemperance.
      Besides, nowt was said about my Jaap Haumann - which remains nestled in place.

      You're right about women though.

      Delete
    15. I just had an image of a little Mexican Gandalf standing in ALTF's cunt

      Delete
    16. Mexican Gandalf?
      I had to research that!

      Oh dear.
      Tolkien?
      Oh dear.

      Delete
    17. Why would you have to research that?

      Delete
    18. The sentiment was well read; the invitation came later with its denial.

      When the unwelcome guest finds himself cut short by the Jaap's Eye, surely the bloody show will turn much bloodier? The gatecrasher has little left to lose.

      O, how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eye!

      As to Tolkien, any man who declares a single dream to be "more powerful than a thousand realities" ought surely never to wake up from his next.

      Delete
    19. I reserve my unwarranted hostility for no man.

      Delete
    20. Well, obviously, I've never read Tolkien.
      Are you thick?
      Now, I assume, you are wondering why I have never read Tolkien?
      Tolkien is trash! Steeped as it is in Edwardian sensibilities. I mean, Hobbits have regular mail service for fuck's sake - or so I've been told - why would one bother with the story?
      The commercial success of The Trilogy was what inspired the following from a true writer:
      "It just goes to show the folly of teaching people how to read and write."

      Delete
    21. What are Edwardian sensibilities and why do they offend you?

      Delete
    22. Jaap's eye?
      I haven't heard that phrase since the heady days of Twenty Major - presumambly still smoking in Dublin's bars.
      Nyuck!

      A single dream may be more powerful than a thousand realities, as this Oxford don's don is wont to say, but how many ships can it launch or topless towers of Ilium can it burn?

      Delete
    23. ".....As to Tolkien, any man who declares a single dream to be "more powerful than a thousand realities" ought surely never to wake up from his next......"

      I'm pilfering this line from you too!

      Delete
    24. "....The sentiment was well read; the invitation came later with its denial....."

      I hate you!

      Delete
    25. It's a bad idea to think you know all you need to about a book you haven't read.
      For proof, see organised religion.

      Yeah, I said it.

      Delete
    26. If there were a thousand page book with the word "mug" written three hundred times on each of the first fifty pages, would you diligently read the remaining nine hundred and fifty?

      Delete
    27. Which book is like that?
      Statements which apply to all books unlike that apply to all books unless at least one such book exists.

      Delete
    28. Congrats, you've just scraped a pass in Remedial Logic. Next on the list is Remedial Rhetoric. The trivium could soon be yours!

      Delete
  20. Spices can, and do, have a deleterious effect on one's anus when applied externally - careful.
    Try an unguent of concentrated Capsaicin clocking in at 10,000,000 Scoville Units for a flaming good time!

    Laissez-Passer!
    Apologies, I'm in English mode, and accordingly, L-P means 'Long Playing' record and I could not figure out why I would need one on a flight.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hello and welcome to the wonderful world of Randall's alt text, today brought to you by the IT crowd.

    ReplyDelete
  22. HEY GUYS SOMETIMES IF YOU ARE A FOREIGNER THEN YOU ONLY KNOW ONE OR TWO THINGS ABOUT THE OTHER COUNTRY SO YOU ASSUME THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO KNOW.

    Like I am not American so I asume all Americans are fat and stupid but in fact.. OH WAIT LOLOLOLOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. everyone is a foreigner

      Delete
    2. As it is a spare life, look you, it fits my humour well; but as there is no more plenty in it, it goes much against my stomach. Hast any philosophy in thee, Unroll?

      Delete
    3. Liberty, equality, fraternity, or insult; — the last, much the easiest to bestow, O Internet!

      Delete
    4. i thought i told you to fuck off

      Delete
    5. Put out the light, and then put out the light.

      Delete
    6. I eat millions of dicks every day

      Delete
  23. A Yankee friend of mine has recently intoned:

    "The New Orleans Saints are totally bad-ass! They have cool, black uniforms and that wicked fleur-de-lis thingy."

    To which I responded:

    "The All Blacks are a rugby team from New Zealand and their pre-game war chant, the 'haka', is the zenith of bad-ass. The fleur-de-lis is emblematic of those unfortunates who after vegetating as tailless amphibians for eons are now at least counted among the anthropoids - albeit cheese-eating - and are hardly bad-ass(The Napoleonic era notwithstanding)."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you go girl! you sure showed that strawman insert!

      Delete
    2. I have always maintained that Strawman Inserts are good.
      If, however, all Inserts were never Strawman, we'd never have non-fallacious retorts, and without those, we'd have boredom and death.

      Delete
    3. That doesn't make any sense, does it?
      Remove the first 'never'. It reads a little bit more coherently then.

      Delete
    4. so: if inserts were never strawmen all retorts would be fallacious, which would cause death and boredom (in that order, if religious accounts are to be believed). your process is opaque.

      Delete
    5. No!
      If all Inserts were never Strawman, all retorts would be always non-fallacious - assuming no other type of fallacious Insert is used that is. Non-fallacious retorts, aka legitimate retorts, are needed to avoid boredom and death.

      You are right about my process though; and it is deliberately so. Except my Zygomatic process which is definitely not opaque.

      Delete
    6. "all Inserts were never Strawman"

      this fragment is slippery. if only some inserts were strawmen, would all inserts still not never be strawman? or if all inserts were strawman, but let us say, only on tuesdays, could said circumstance be said to not contradict a temporally and demographically unconditional denial of the existence of strawman inserts?

      i digress; you have inverted the second clause.

      Delete
    7. Unroll, you're punching above your weight.

      Delete
    8. that is a problem i have never had
      (because i am fat)

      Delete
    9. the post round blowjobs from faceless yesmen in the champ's corner are part of my motivation

      Delete
    10. Do you have infinite fatness, or is there a limit to it?

      Delete
    11. scholars have been debating that question for many years.

      Delete
    12. I've never seen a CV with "blowjob spectator" on it, but I guess every kid's got to carve out his niche in this post-9/11 world.

      Delete
    13. We are all as flatlanders constrained to Rob's rotundness. Roundlanders, I guess. Not to be confused with rounders, the schoolgirl's game which colonials call "baseball".

      Delete
    14. 'that doesn't make any sense, does it?'
      Just apply this to every post by ALTF.

      Delete
    15. "only two things are infinite: the universe, and rob's fatness. and i'm not sure about the universe"

      Delete
  24. why would Randal care enough to check a daily twitter account so he can discuss sports if he doesn't care to watch them? Who is impressed or satisfied by sports small-talk? is this really an issue? Why is it uncool for nerds to like sports, anyways? High school related jock-angst?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For anyon doubting Anon 8:25, here is the link. IT Crowd did it first.

      Delete
    2. Armando does it better https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EbPsK6shaQ. I'm pretty sure this joke works better in england where football is more of a class issue than in the US.

      Delete
    3. No, that was shit.

      Armando is one of those comics who, like Ben Elton, is only funny when he has a co-writer to temper his humour so he is prevented from galloping off into the sunset on one of his hobby horses.

      Delete
    4. Woah i wasn't saying it was great- just better than the IT crowd which i think is the most overated comedy series ever made. Oh hang on thats way too big a claim to make.

      And Fuck Ben Elton.

      Delete
    5. Certainly overrated. It's a million light years worse than Father Ted and Linehan should be ashamed of himself. Chris Morris I hesitate to be annoyed at because I'm fairly sure he was just trolling Channel 4 for alienating him after the impeccable Paedogeddon follow-on to his '90s masterpieces.

      It's like The Big Bang Theory - worth a smile from time to time but Randallite in its LOL SCIENCE REFERENCE LOL ASPERGER LOL RELIGION IS RETARDED LOL. And something in my brain must preccoupy itself with BBT because the supposedly lovable Leonard character embodies everything I hate about "nerds". I know Randall is an intellectually mediocre failure but there really are academically successful people who act like the manchildren in BBT.

      No love lost for Ben Elton - the toadying, disingenuous, Thatcherite bastard - but he has some technical skill.

      Delete
    6. I never even notice the geek crap in The IT Crowd. It's just so unimportant. Nothing more than tokens of ridicule.

      In xkcd, it's hard to overlook because they're used as symbols of prestige.

      In The Big Bang Theory, it's hard to overlook because half the show is about the contrast between the blonde girl across the hall slightly-less-geeky guy who wants to fuck her.

      It's a significant difference. The IT Crowd doesn't want you to love the characters and seek to emulate them. It just wants you to laugh.

      Delete
    7. @8:34 The conversation was about jokes using sports crib notes as the punchline. You linked us to a joke about somebody ineptly faking a sports conversation by saying all the wrong things, certainly without the benefit of crib notes. What were you thinking? Jesus Christ, man, what the fuck were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all? I mean, Jesus fuck. Holy shit.

      Delete
    8. a couple of IT crowd episodes are genius. the dinner party one and the trip to the theatre one. the rest vary wildly in quality. the football one starts out funny but disintegrates towards the end

      Delete
    9. Moss deminds me of Dougal, and I dislike both because they're inhuman stereotypes of a single trait (contrast Jack, an endearingly saturated sponge of worldly pleasures).

      Fortunately Dougal is mostly just used as a stooge in Father Ted, but we're supposed to believe that Moss is credible on his own.

      Delete
  25. Randall is seriously butthurt about people who wish others would use "literally" correctly, isn't he? Mind you, I'm no fan of pedantry, but this is the second comic he's made about this specific issue. (Or third? I feel like there was a BHG one early on.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I wonder if he realizes he's figuratively shitting in his own nest.

      Delete
  26. Me, as a CNN announcer:

    "I just burnt a copy of the Qur'an........"

    - - - Immediate mayhem and destruction in Islamabad and other predominantly Muslim cities. - - -

    "........onto 7 billion DVDs which I will send to all the peoples of the world........"

    - - - Immediate rejoicing and ululation in what's left of Islamabad and other predominantly Muslim cities. - - -

    "........Included in the liner notes is a wonderfully life-like pictorial rendition of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him)with his favourite wife, the 9 year old Aisha, on their wedding night."

    - - - Complete and utter self-destruction of the Islamic world and a knock on my door from the Porn police. - - -

    What's left of the world rejoices.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your employers ignorate you, Takanawa. Burning a Qur'an is one of several respectful ways of disposing of redundant copies, and all copies of the Qur'an are redundant.

      I do prefer the method of setting the book adrift. The image of ten thousand Qur'ans bobbing westward in the Atlantic to the Funeral March of a Marionette appeals to me. An equally redundant number of Atlas Shruggeds could be launched toward Mecca.

      A damp crusade erupts somewhere along the 45th meridian, and no-one dies.

      Delete
    2. The 45th Meridian West is my second favourite line of Longitude. The East being my favourite - I've relations in Georgia.
      Mecca is land-locked by the way - nowt floating there any time soon.

      Delete
    3. Oh and 'Takanawa' is not as funny as it could be. Despite my ancestors collusion with IJA during the 'First Great War Of Anglo-American Aggression Towards The Peoples Of Myanmar' we don't like folks named 'Tricia'.

      Delete
    4. Speaking of the 45th meridian east, I was just listening to a Netrebko and Garanca performance of The Flower Duet. I don't know what language they think they're singing, but it isn't French. Dôme épais, лэ жазмах.

      Delete
    5. I'm listening to Aqua's "Barbie Girl"
      And I don't fucking care what language they are singing!

      Calling people together under a heavy dome of white jasmine is really fucking dangerous! Not to mention, gay as fuck!

      Delete
    6. I prefer Punjabi Girl (and, in a similar vein, Hindi People).

      Delete
    7. You would!

      Punjabi?
      My arse!
      The LTW 399V plate was first registered in Chelmsford during the period August 1979 to July 1980.

      Chelmsford for fuck's sake!

      Delete
    8. "Chelmsford, innit?" innit?

      Delete
    9. I had a 'Ploughman's Lunch' at the Pig and Whistle in Chignal Smealy once.

      It was rubbish.
      And the condom machine in the Loo didn't have any 'ribbed' product! Fucking British patriarchy, no thought for the fairer sex.

      Delete
    10. Condom machines in Essex are redundant as every woman is already syphilitic and pregnant. I hope you checked the use-by date!

      Delete
    11. Someone should think of the tourists though!
      I did not purchase any. I made do with the severed upper from a well-worn Wellie I found behind Colchester Castle when we got there.

      Wellie Wanging indeed!

      Delete
  27. xkcd is awesome FUCK YOU ALLLLLLLLLL

    ReplyDelete
  28. Today's comic was positively hilarious. I've always appreciated self-irony.

    Also, the ghost is really spooky.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ".....I've always appreciated self-irony......"

      I can see that.

      Delete
  29. So here's a question for you: which xkcd has inspired the most retarded, laughable, skin-crawlingly embarrassing thread on its forums?

    It's close, but I think the one for 817 just about takes it (although if the thread for 1106 goes on for much longer then it could easily be replaced).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You, sir/madam, are a dullard.
      You know it
      And I know it.

      Delete
    2. Do dullards hate themselves for being that way? Is there a non-empty set of people sufficiently bright to self-reflect on being too dim to achieve anything of note? Which sort of person posts on the xkcd forums?

      (Would a dullard look at the previous paragraph and think "well you should know lol" would be a worthwhile retort?)

      Delete
    3. "......Is there a non-empty set of people sufficiently bright to self-reflect on being too dim to achieve anything of note?......."

      It has been my experience that when someone makes a reference, however oblique, to the leader of the Third Reich, the reasoned aspect of the discourse is pretty much over.

      Delete
    4. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a short man in possession of a skin condition must be in want of an empire.

      Delete
    5. The Tutor once shagged a young Yankee trollop who professed to have an Honours degree in English Literature from Northwestern. He said that not only had she no knowledge of 'Pride and Prejudice', she had never even heard of Jane Austin!
      She could name all the episodes of 'Sex In The City' though.

      It turned out she did have a legitimate Eng Lit degree! Them Yankees better keeps up their military, 'cause they ain't gots nothing else goin' for 'em.

      Delete
    6. I had a schoolfriend whose family owned a cherry plantation in Kent. They also had some land near Joburg, but the way his mother spoke to the natives was too much for me to spend time with them there.

      Anyway, in his student days he drove around a brown Austin Metro. One day the car got stuck in one of his fields and he misapplied a tractor attachment. The car promptly committed suicide, becoming two separate chunks of scrap metal.

      He was sweet chap. Came out a year or so after boarding school - as did his brother soon after that. I expect his effeminate father was relieved, but mumsy disappeared for a few weeks in shame, or maybe to explore her own self. He studied English A-level back when the certificates had greater value than bogroll, and I can still recall a collection of Austen in his room next to the housemaster's office.

      captcha: Bridedj. Last night a Darcy saved my life.

      Delete
    7. And by "explore her own self" I mean make a bulk purchase at the Pig and Whistle in Chignal Smealy then take the first flight to Tambo International.

      Delete
    8. http://home.tiac.net/~cri/2001/austinbib.html

      This site is not to be visited by Yankees.

      Delete
    9. ".....He studied English A-level back when the certificates had greater value than bogroll....."

      NOTHING has greater value than a soft paper product used to maintain personal hygiene after defecation or urination.
      Take the Goa Sampark Kranti Express out of Delhi in 3rd Class to understand.
      Oh, and be female too.

      Delete
  30. Hey Faggots,

    My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.

    Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ".....I was captain of the football team....."

      ".....I also get straight A's....."

      Queries?
      Why do you change the verb tense between these two declarative statements?
      What is/are 'straight A's?'

      Delete
    2. It means you're prepared to both finger your rafia work teacher and give a reacharound to your P.E. coach, but you keep your eyes closed for the latter.

      Delete
    3. And for the former?
      Do you keep your eyes plaited instead?

      Delete
  31. I read somewhere that internet paedophiles can cause the computer keyboards of their Internet child victims to emit noxious fumes to subdue them. Go ahead sniff your keyboard you'll smell the fumes. Careful though, it will make you feel "suggestible".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Smells like a pooled spillage of cask strength Laphroiag to me. I wondered why the bottle was so empty when I woke up after last night's bender. I usually have the sense to stop drinking the better stuff once I'm too drunk to tell the difference.

      I also detect a hint of old cheddar crumbs and something that resembles lemon meringue. Shall we drink, ALTF? My inebriated ingenuity may have concocted an exciting new infusion.

      Delete
    2. Are you the Anonymous, above, of September 13, 2012 9:26 AM wherein the word 'Paedogeddon' is introduced?

      Funny show that. I've not seen it, but I have just spent two hours researching it. And plagiarising it.

      I'm Asian. We don't hold our liquor well. I do not drink often. You should not either. I'd hate to have to witness you drag the bendered and flaccid penis of your otherwise lucid imagination across the keyboard of our love.

      Delete
    3. 9:26 was the Anon with procrastinatory tales of the Siege of Madrid and Austen's underground. Glad to have formed your acquaintance with Morris - sometimes hated but never overrated.

      3:09 has a more intimate relationship with the drink than I do, and I salute him for it. Drink on, stranger!

      Delete
    4. Would it kill you anonymous cunts to open a Google Blogspot account so those of us who revel in exhibitionism can differentiate between the various flavours?

      The Tutor once drank Laphroiag from a flask using a discarded IV tube he found behind an abandoned NHS clinic while simultaneously frotting the muslin draped arse of a cutey he picked up on the Clapham High Street while she did her nails and feigned interest.
      So British!

      Delete
    5. Thankyou, 3:50. As one who was never able to reap the benefits of white privilege, the solace of a lonely binge is my favoured mode of conjuring a rightful sense of solipsistic importance by night while remaining a menial cog in the economic machine by day. The provision of the opportunity of such is also society's favoured way of ensuring I hold my place as a menial cog in the economic machine, so it really is a beautiful cycle of codependency when it comes down to it.

      I'm sorry, ALTF, but my flaccid penis had to be amputated long ago after I had been so swept away by a performance of the classic ditty "Barnacle Bill the Sailor" that I was inspired to try picking a lock with my own big hairy cock. The upside is that I am now capable of partaking of a sexual relationship by post with anybody who doesn't mind the sharp aroma of formaldehyde.

      Delete
    6. > Would it kill you anonymous cunts to open a Google Blogspot account

      I prefer to be recognised by reputation than name.

      Delete
    7. Normally I can differentiate between the various anonymous cunts - directing my responses appropriately - but I seem to have found myself buttock deep in a cream of cunts who are indistinguishable.

      @ 4:24: As one who was also never able to reap the benefits of white privilege, I can commiserate. Granted, I possess something they all want and I make them pay; dearly.

      @ 4:25: I prefer to be recognised, full stop.

      Delete
    8. Plausible deniability is a vital ferrier of white privilege. The clothes have no emperor.

      Delete
  32. I've looked around a bit here on your blog. I'm no superfan of XKCD. I read it occasionally, sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's interesting, sometimes it's boring. You, however, are always boring. I haven't seen an original joke, an original insight, or really anything at all original. You might think it's fun to do whatever it is you think you're doing (Witty cultural commentary? Important complaints about people who have an ounce of sincerity? Real criticism? I can't quite tell.), but real critics contribute to a discussion, they don't ceaselessly hammer on the same dull points. Points that don't seem to have much force or salience, either. Points that basically seem to boil down to "ew, dorks who try to hard to be hipsters." I'd take trying to hard to be interesting over obsessive hatred of same any time. Cause when you try to be interesting, you at least have a chance of success. When you try to be an asshole, you always do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. what are you even talking about

      Delete
    2. "real critics contribute to a discussion, they don't ceaselessly hammer on the same dull points."

      I tried that once. Then I got banned. :(

      Delete
    3. Mustafa! I didn't know you were Anonymous?!

      Delete
    4. I've looked around a bit here at your post. I'm no superfan of xkcdsucks. I read it occasionally, sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's interesting, sometimes it's boring. Your post, however, is always boring. I haven't seen an original joke, an original insight, or really anything at all original. You might think it's fun to do whatever it is you think you're doing (Witty cultural commentary? Important complaints about people who have an ounce of sincerity? Real criticism? I can't quite tell.), but real critics contribute to a discussion, they don't ceaselessly hammer on the same dull points. Points that don't seem to have much force or salience, either. Points that basically seem to boil down to "ew, dorks who try to hard to be hipsters." I'd take trying to hard to be interesting over obsessive hatred of same any time. Cause when you try to be interesting, you at least have a chance of success. When you try to be an asshole, you always do an asshole.

      Delete
    5. Anon@7:13, you are like those people who think suicide bombing is wrong even while it fights the Great Satan.

      Delete
  33. It seems my lady has a box of "multipurpose needles" for sewing/knitting/&c. and they look like torture instruments.

    Or maybe she has a box of torture instruments which look like sewing/knitting/&c. needles.

    Do I dare ask...

    ReplyDelete
  34. Rob, I know you are fat, but you have to write one of your brilliant critical pieces again. 200+ comments is really a pain in the ass.

    ReplyDelete