Monday, July 16, 2012

Comics 1080-1082: Faulty

1080. Can you guess who has no interest in putting his face really close to the monitor so he can explore this useless little chart thing? (HINT: he is fat) F

1081. Can't decide if Randy is trying to suggest that you win by being the bigger man and walking away or if he thinks that responding to people with wacky non sequiturs is extremely hilarious. Don't care. D-

1082. Nowhere in the history time has anyone ever noticed that the word "cleavage" is used in geology sometimes! F

107 comments:

  1. I don't know, 1082 seemed on par with SMBC... Someone's standards are either too high or too low.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SMBC has fallen far from its glory days

      Delete
  2. Did you ignorant cunts know that the word 'cleave' is its own antonym - an auto-antonym? A homograph that is also an antonym?
    I don't know about you Rob, but this puts me in a fiery chartreuse froth of Jungian enantiodromia it does.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cleaving is either adhesion or the overcoming of cohesion - not antonymy.

      Also, what is non-Jungian enantiodromia? Thought not.

      Delete
    2. "What is non-Jungian enantiodromia?"

      You are, but you, and it, lack the fiery chartreuse froth.
      Aion cunt.

      Delete
    3. ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT!?

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. he can't win don't jizz yourself

      Delete
    2. He's got a chance

      Delete
    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    4. Yeah, in France

      Bet you'd vote for Palin

      Delete
    5. ... oh hey it's already time for elections? ... is this ron paul new?, did he run last year?

      Delete
    6. ron paul represents the online Hitlerjugend. So instead of lots of athletic blondes you get overweight basement-dwellers who choose athletic blonde avatars on MMORPGs.

      Delete
  4. http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2478#comic
    I don't get it. Can anyone explain the joke to me, detail by detail?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. to get the joke you have to know what grammar is

      Delete
    2. Even with the typically fucking retarded American proclivity for explaining the joke as part of the joke to ensure the dullards recognise the cognitive dissonance, you still don't get it?
      Your a cunt!

      Delete
    3. christ, that's as bad as an average xkcd

      Delete
    4. 9:13, don't worry, I can't find anything funny either.

      Delete
    5. Don't leave me hanging.

      Delete
    6. Viewed from the point of view of the old woman, her life has been viewed by others as that of a steadily maturing, and probably well-adjusted, woman. Inside she feels as if she is still, and always has been, a child, and a very frightened one at that, having to 'prop-up-with-a-stick' an ever maturing persona.
      She was happy only as a child - it would seem.

      Delete
    7. Isn't that the premise for xkcd? Maybe SMBC aims to mock, in which case it'd've done better to have a small stick figure slowly looking more like Randall, but always being propped up by the stick figure.

      Then (PPD) Randall starts looking more like a larger version of his stick figure again, until eventually it's just a small stick figure propping up a large stick figure.

      Delete
    8. ".....in which case it'd've done better....."

      "it'd've"

      A double contraction with a euphonic - some might say; cacophonic - elision to boot?
      Well fuck me from behind with a conflation of two auxiliary verbs and a rigid inflectional suffix, but that is so cool!

      Not as good as Innit though.

      Delete
  5. Dammit, the last thread was just getting good. Can the guys talking SAT scores and stuff keep that going here?

    As always, thanks in advance.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh shit, CWC just killed himself you guys!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who the hell is CWC, and why should I care?

      Delete
    2. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for CWCki

      Delete
    3. @3:14 needs a cat

      Delete
    4. Quite. I can't imagine your being able to handle a cat.

      Delete
    5. cATS WON'T COME BACK IF YOU KICK 'EM. dOGS WILL." wHAT CAN i DO?

      Delete
    6. I mean other than releasing my 'Caps Lock' key.
      Also, being an Asian, I can confirm that dog also tastes better than cat - especially when served in Bimchi Bokkeumbap.
      Neither go well on a kebab though.

      Delete
  7. Oh shit, 11:02 just killed himself you guys!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How would you know? I have reported you to the FBI.

      Delete
  8. Maybe the waterslide is a metaphor for youth?

    I dunno. I read that the ants in the amber watch in "The Persistence of Memory" symbolize fertility, and I don't know why. It doesn't make any sense. Ants?

    So I just want to say that the waterslide is youth, even if it doesn't make any sense. That's all I want.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's cute that you think Randy is capable of producing metaphors that aren't ham-fisted.

      Delete
    2. I didn't say anything about Randy's capability. That didn't matter to me.

      All I want is a waterslide and for it to mean youth.

      Delete
  9. I feel I have a rebuttal to 1081 http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120716/how%20do%20you%20feel%20about%20this,%20randy.png

    ReplyDelete
  10. Rob,

    In regards to 1082, the problem is that he's portraying adults I think which is why its unbelievable.

    As a geophysicist, I took a lot of geology classes I can tell you that for the immature 17 year olds in Geology 101 in our first years, the cleavage thing was noticed pretty quickly and immature giggling and jokes ensued.

    Most adult geologists once into their careers have moved beyond such things.

    But its bang on for a university field trip.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehe, you said "bang".

      Delete
  11. 1082 was a case where I disagree with the score here, I thought it should have got a C or a B.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I tried that same line with my professor.

      Delete
  12. 1081 = Trying to look cool by pretending he doesn't give a fuck about anything: "Look I'm ignoring you and jumping into a pool with a expensive cellphone-like thingy #YOLO!"

    ReplyDelete
  13. Okay, this is so awesome have to share it with you. FontBomb lets you blow up the text of any website, in almost any browser (works best in Chrome or Safari) just by installing a bookmarklet.

    Ever wanted to destroy this blog. NOW IS YOUR CHANCE!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can also roll it up like a katamari ball! http://kathack.com/

      Delete
    2. Ah, thanks for that link. Now I wonder what happens if I run both at the same time...

      OH GOD IT'S BETTER THAN SEX. THE EXPLODED LETTERS MOVE WITH THE BALL

      Delete
    3. Capn, you're alive!

      I assure you that I stole your identity as an act of respect and because I can. The xkcdsucks blog needed a Capn and I was willing to give it to them.

      But one could never fill such big shoes. I could never be a true copy of your unique persona. And so I'm glad you're back.

      Does anyone want to see my true identity.

      Delete
    4. No, put that away. You're already on several lists for that kind of thing.

      My unique persona can be fulfilled by any red assed baboon this side of the African continent, just as much as any Markov Chain text generator can effectively imitate ALT-F.

      Delete
    5. :(...

      Of course some of you already knew it was me. As for everyone else, you must be quite confused now. The Capn you have known and loved for the last three months has been a lie. I make no apologies.

      Delete
    6. Everyone else? You mean all 4 of them?

      Delete
  14. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOvAhgQ56x0
    This is way cooler than 1081

    ReplyDelete
  15. Relevant at last ?!!!???!!July 18, 2012 at 12:13 AM

    R... R... Ron paul... 2012 ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ron Paul is the new Sarah Palin.

      Delete
  16. Ron Paul is way smarter than Sarah Palin, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah Palin knew she was a stooge and didn't really care.

      Ron Paul takes himself moderately seriously and thinks that he's going to be listened to.

      Thus Palin is smarter.

      Delete
  17. HA ! You couldn'y be more WRONG, randall, I turned 20 two months ago !! Then again you've already proven in the past that you CAN'T EVEN understand Ayn Rand so I'm not surprised the only way you can hide your confusion in the face of objective TRURTH is by making generalizations and caricature.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Wow. This site is astonishing in its hypocrisy.

    I came to this place looking for relief from the elitist, nerd-pandering, circle-jerking hive-mind that xkcd and its fanbase have become. What I've found has been repetitive, unfunny memes and copypastas, snobbish elitism, and the same kind of "look-at-me, look-at-me" attitude that I saw on the xkcd forums, except dressed up in offensive statements rather than "geeky" references. The whole experience felt uncomfortably familiar. You have more in common with the xkcd-fen than you think.

    I especially find it hilarious how all of you are CONSTANTLY falling over yourselves to prove that you're the most SHOCKING and UNCARING commenter of them all. After awhile, it just starts to get sad. What's the point of any of it?

    There are legitimate points of criticism in these comment threads, don't get me wrong - they're the only reason I keep coming back here - but the bad far outweighs the good here. Just my two cents.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you keep coming back despite the bad outweighing the good it means your life is sad. The joke is on you.

      Delete
    2. I don't see how anyone can take this blog seriously since Carl left. Or at least since Rob started posting these one-liner embarrassments in place of reviews. This opinions of this blog used to come from a salient artistic position/taste, even when I disagreed with Carl or guest posters, I could follow their reasoning.

      You've abandoned that. You assigning comics arbitrary grades with zero explanation, seemingly for no other reason than you feel obligated to say they're bad. There's no logic anymore. Good art, poor art, topical joke, outdated joke, geek reference, historical reference, clever pun, paraprosdokian, it doesn't matter, Rob will say it sucks, and it's up to the commenters to argue for him.

      For a blog that's accused Randall of laziness so often, it's a remarkably lazy system.

      Delete
    3. This blog has always been terrible. Rob has always been fat. Carl was never here. Megan has always had cancer. And we have always been at war with Eurasia.

      It's really hard to care about hating on or critiquing xkcd for an extended period of time.

      You should thank Rob's fat, lazy, uninspired ass so that you still have a place on the internet to spew your unimportant opinions about an equally unimportant, silly, harmless webcomic.

      Delete
  19. what happened to the chris houlihan's room guy? i'm worried about him

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I assumed he had morphed into "Ron Paul 2012" guy. First the child repeats something over and over because it is simple and attractive to him, then he becomes a Libertarian, then he grows up.

      Delete
    2. maybe he and FINAL COUNTDOWN person have run off to live happily together.

      Delete
    3. FINAL COUNTDOWN counted down to 1000. He reached his purpose and ended, unlike many of us condemned to this limbo of a hateblog, forever in twilight.

      Delete
  20. It was dark inside the Quik Mart, except for refrigerator lights in the glass display cabinets way in the back. For a second I thought I heard shuffling to the right in the dark over by the magazines, but just then somebody waved at the cash counter on the far left.

    "Ho!" said this guy, about in his late teens, very skinny and looking quite nervous. "Come on back," he waved me on. I walked back to the counter through the aisles, stepping over some smashed glass and bags of powder on the floor. The clerk was dressed in casual clothes and he tried to give me a friendly smile, but he was making me anxious because I could see something had him really scared badly.

    "Listen, I'm not supposed to be open," he whispered, folding paperwork on the counter, "I just came in because my boss told me to pick up something in the office and then lock everything up." He glanced over at the right side of the store, where my eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough to see there were four people standing reading magazines. "These guys came in behind me and they won't leave. Listen, what do you need?" he asked.

    I said, "I just wanted to get some milk, bread and butter, maybe something sweet, is that okay?" I said, keeping my voice low.

    "Can you help me get these guys out? You're a big guy, are you in security?" It suddenly hit me. I had not changed clothes since I went off duty at Rodeo Drive three days beforehand. "I don't give a rat's ass about the store, you can take whatever you want and I'll lock it up. But first I have to get these guys to leave." I nodded, "Okay, I'll try to help. Are they armed?" I asked, feeling pretty apprehensive.

    "Frig, man, I dunno. I'm scared to even speak to them again," he murmured.

    I looked over at the four guys mulling around. "I'll get them to leave," I said, speaking with more confidence than I actually had.

    As I walked over to the magazine stand I started to gear up my security guard voice and bearing, long honed from dealing with trouble at Park La Brea and Rodeo Drive over the past year and a half. Any of you work security will know exactly what I am talking about.

    As I approached them, I could now see them a lot better. All mexicans, two guys so short bordering on dwarfism but obvious gang members. Another guy older who was rheumy eyed like he was drunk or high, slim boned. The toughest looking guy was an ornery looking dude about 200 lbs, muscular build, hateful looking bastard about 5'10 or bigger. So I had weight and height on the big wolf, but I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I was confident. Truth is my heart was pounding and I was frightened really badly. For all I know all these guys could draw guns and blow me away in the next ten seconds. Of course I was thinking I could not believe I let my wife talk me into leaving the Desert Eagle at home.

    ReplyDelete
  21. The two dwarves reached for their crotches and start swaying like bad-asses as soon as I got close, smacking their lips and looking pretty loco. These short guys might be the first ones to pull the trigger if they were trying to prove something. I kept my face a blank, innocuous mask, absolutely emotionless. Remember that nothing at all is frequently way scarier for the other guy than a tough expression, angry stance. Complete blankness, a dead focused stare is always the way to go. Telegraph nothing at all, not even hostility. The more emotional the other guy gets, the more completely empty your own expression, it tends to break the nerve of almost anybody.

    The thin boned drunken guy piped up first. His three companions were flexing their muscles and swaying like monkeys. "What up?" I heard a lack of certainty in his voice that gave me a boost. Go straight in, don't mince words.

    "This fellow at the counter says he is closed. Why are you guys still here?" I asked, staring at the big guy instead of the thinner one.

    "f**k you," said the big guy, "this is a f**king dem-ock-krass-see. We have a right to be wherevah the f**k we want to." Strangely enough, there wasn't enough bass in these guys voices. They were putting on a good show, but I could tell they were going to fade.

    The little mexican dwarf had a bandanna around his head. "White boy, you probably going to get a cap busted in yo ass you talk like dat." The second the guy said it, I knew instantly these guys had no guns. They were probably gang wannabes and second stringers who mowed lawns for a living but regularly scared white folks with their loco act.

    I grabbed the little guy by the hair and arm, immediately started to use him as a shield to shove the others towards the front of the store. As I was pushing, I grabbed something off a store shelf and put it in my pocket. "You guys have been asked to leave. It's time to go. Nobody wants to hear your long winded story. Let's go, you're done."

    The biggest guy was yelling and cursing me, bandeho, mericon muthafugga and all that, but he was being carried towards the door like everyone else as I leaned into the dwarf and shoved him into his friends. The thin drunk was looking furious and homicidal but oddly enough now that I knew they did not have guns I was not as scared of any of them.

    I opened the front door and packed them all out, cursing, bitching, whining.

    As I tried to close the door and lock it, the big one decided then he was going to do something, as he was pushed outside. He stuck his arm in the doorframe and reached for my throat. He started to try to choke me and was cursing me as his friends behind him cheered him on. "Gringo pussy, I will strangle you f**kin' bitch!" He couldn't get a grip on my neck, I bent his fingers back until he screeched and released that hand ... then used the other one to clock a hard right hand on the side of my face. It hurt. His friends were yelling, "Kill his stupid ass, poppy! Kill him!" He went to punch me again and because I was still trying to close the door he hit me in the nose, which really hurt. I started bleeding. The other three were laughing and cursing me, "Haw! Faggit white boy, break his face!"

    ReplyDelete
  22. Once my nose was bleeding, I decided just trying to shove the door shut was not the way to resolve it. So I shoved the big guy back into the street and came out the door myself. His friends were cheering, "Yeah, poppy will kick his arse, man, you a dead white boy!"

    You probably think this is the part where I tell you about this big street fight we had where I used an incredible array of amazing kung-fu moves to defeat him.

    Well, this will probably be disappointing. The fight lasted approximately one second.

    As "Poppy" took a step off the sidewalk, he did something that hispanics often do when they are showing off. He lifted his hands in the air, fingers spread wide, shrugged his shoulders and spun around, as if to show the whole world he wasn't afraid of me, saying, "What the f**k you goin' to do, beyotch?!? Whatch yoo goin' to do?!?"

    As he turned around to face me, I hit him on the bridge of his nose with a 60 oz glass bottle of Gerber Baby Food Turkey Mash which I had grabbed off the shelf as we were exiting. I threw it as hard as I could and released it about two inches from his forehead just as he was turning around.

    It is hard to describe what happened unless you were there to see it. It was like somebody detonated a thermobaric fuel bomb on the end of his nose with a Turkey Mash payload. I actually had to flinch away and shield my face with my arm to protect myself from the flying glass shrapnel. I reckon the 60 oz bottle when it hit him must have been going well over 100 mph or faster. There was a colossal explosion of baby food, pulverised glass shards and pieces of label up to about ten meters away.

    There was this microsecond everybody was frozen. He just stood there, face a blasted bloody mess, eyes welling up with blood, then cupped his hands over his ruined mug and fell backwards with a terrible scream. The other three were so stunned they remained half crouched about five seconds before they could even realize what had happened.

    "OH JEESUS CHRIST, HE SHOT ME, f**k ME HE SHOT ME I'M DYING," he screamed, his hands covering his face with blood coming out through his fingers.

    The thin guy ran over to him, started sobbing and trying to hold his head for him, "He didn't shoot you, Poppy, I think he hit you with something, oh sheeit man you are fugged up!"

    "OH SWEET JEEZUS, MY EYES MAN I CAN'T OPEN MY EYES, I'M DYIN' MAN!" the big guy yelled, blood was gushing out of his nose, his eyes, between his fingers. There was a huge pool of it around where he was sitting. "I GOT TO GET TO HOSPITAL, MAN, I'M DYIN HERE!"

    One of the dwarves started hopping about angrily, doing a bizarre little dance. "Oh, yoo is dead white boy! Paco, let's get Benny, man Benny will shoot this psycho f**kin' gringo dead! You see what he did to poppy, man that is sum wicked sheeit!"

    The two of them ran off screeching about how they were "going to get Benny."

    The thin drunk helped his friend to his feet and was yelling at me, "Sick white muthaf**ka, we just came down here to get beer and you have to do sumthin like that! You sick muthaf**ka, you goin' to pay when Benny gets here, watch and see!" They hobbled off together down the sidewalk, the big guy wailing and clutching his face.

    I went inside the store, locked the door behind me. The clerk was shaking with fear and putting all this paperwork into a folder. I started grabbing groceries off the shelf and putting them into a plastic tote bag.

    They weren't kidding. They went and got Benny. Then things got interesting. Tell you about that in the next installment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. cool story bro

      Delete
    2. Here's the next instalment:

      http://bonniegadsden.blogspot.ca/2012/04/1992-la-riots-first-hand-account-part_05.html#.UAm9E2FfGKI

      Delete
  23. this blog sucks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So unzip your fly and enjoy it.

      Delete
  24. Re: the latest one (whatever it's numbered): I'm not sure why this "server expert" just can't go to /bin/ls and make that point to ls as normal. Nor why what happened is "so bad" as to be a harbinger of the singularity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In what plausible scenario would someone like the bald woman have a server of her own ("my server") with root access and a tech on hand to fix her mistakes?

      And why is the guy with the ponytail starting off by running "ls" in root's home directory?

      It's not infeasible that there is more than one piece of software in the world which calls itself "ls" - or maybe the bald woman is doing a programming assignment which involves duplicating the functionality of Unix ls.

      And it certainly wouldn't be shocking to see a newbie put ., or simply ~, in the $PATH.

      In short, the guy with the ponytail is a poor tech. Perhaps Megan would do a better job?

      Delete
  25. This needs to end now. If you think this is fun, you have a sick idea of fun. If people like it, it's obviously not overrated.

    -SUMMER GLAU

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since overrating is the process of liking something which doesn't deserve to be liked, something overrated must be liked. Too much.

      Idiot.

      Delete
    2. If people like it, it's not overrated. But only if they like it for a reason. And that reason for xkcd is that it's funny. To most people. The rest of you can continue to be trolls. We'll just ignore you.

      Delete
    3. you're ignoring it so hard you're commenting on a blog about it

      good job

      Delete
    4. What if you like something but you cannot, for the life of you, understand why you do? Accordingly, can something which is liked for no reason whatsoever ever really be objectively overrated?

      Delete
    5. Probably. The OP argued liked => NOT(overrated), which contradicts overrated => liked.

      You're arguing that liked AND NOT(overrated) is possible, which contradicts neither.

      Delete
    6. Jeez, Anonymous 10:04 AM, you must be a terrible burden on your loved-ones.

      10:04 => CUNT is indeed, underrated and NOT contraindicated - like his pharmaceutical regimen.

      Delete
    7. A mathematician writes his argument in logic-ese and is judged inadequate by a doctor who responds in medic-ese.

      All professions are conspiracies against gaiety.

      Delete
    8. Au contraire, mes amis.
      Your argument, whether it is rendered in 'logic-ese' or 'medic-ese', is fallacious; in premise and presentation.
      And I think you smell.


      "....All professions are conspiracies against gaiety...."

      Not the oldest!

      Delete
    9. Your semicolon is fallacious, but my colon is not.

      And the oldest profession is the greatest cockblocker.

      Delete
    10. "......Your semicolon is fallacious....."

      Really?
      Thanks. I've not had much luck, when in the Anglosphere, deciding whether to use the colon or the semicolon. I even had a stoma 'carved' to shunt diacritics directly from the Ascending thus avoiding the Transverse, Descending and Sigmoids altogether.
      Didn't help!
      And, of course, you know I smell now.

      Delete
  26. I wonder how Randall's going to snap when his posters quit selling.

    My guess is he'll play out one of those black hat guy fantasies.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Today's comic has a good idea, but a boring execution. Anyone with Photoshop and 20 seconds to think about it could improve it. Even the Serbs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. no actually it was a stupid joke that has been made more times then the soviet union

      Delete
    2. It is 'more times THAN the Soviet Union' you unlettered ignocuntoramus.

      Delete
  28. Today's comic has been done already. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqSfrB8P-a0

    ReplyDelete
  29. His alt text for todays comic was funny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You made me go back and read the alt text.

      So fuck you too.

      Delete
  30. And Randall gets the value of a mole wrong? How did he do that? All he needed to do was copy paste it from Wikipedia, delete the decimal and add the appropriate number of zeroes. Wikipedia actually gives several value for Avogadro's number; some are official standards, one is an experimental value and Google's calculator function gives yet another value. Randall's number matches none of these. Where did it come from?

    ReplyDelete
  31. haha he can't figure out a loophole to get unlimited wishes (whats an eyelash wish anyway? still funny concept regardless, classic black hat)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah black hat guy is my favorite xkcd character, except for black hair women, she's so smart and witty!

      Delete
  32. This blog is dead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. come back carl

      Delete
    2. And you're Haley Joel Osment.

      Delete