Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Comics 1071-1073: Partyin' Partyin' Yeah

1071. Maybe someone out there is excited by the portrayal of exoplanets as uninteresting brownish circles, but I am not. D

1072. Randy, you have already used this exact joke before. F

1073. I think Randy just saw this SMBC and decided to get in on the hot Garfield joke action. This one is mostly interesting because the forums seem to think that Randy is somehow suggesting some new interesting profound thought, where it seems clear to me he's mostly just saying he thinks is absurd.  C-

154 comments:

  1. he thinks what is absurd? himself?

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  2. Are the forumites really saying this is profound? I had this idea when I was in elementary school. In fact, I think I stole this idea from an episode of Doug.

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  3. also, I do not care for SMBC at all, but look at how quickly Zach Weiner got his kickstarter funded. I have no idea if this is a good thing or not. probably, in the long term

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're a few decades before the fall of the Western Empire. By this time in any empire, the idle owning classes seem to almost deliberately throw their spare money at the least socially useful things.

      Delete
    2. It's not a donation, but a purchase. You get a digital copy for if you pledge over $10 and a paper one too if you pledge more than $20.

      It's still pretty scary a shitty webcomic can make 1200 sales in 3 (?) days. I think that implies SMBC has close to 100k daily unique visitors.

      Delete
    3. Hey now, SMBC has some gold, updates very frequently, and it's not nearly as pretentious as xkcd.

      Delete
    4. SMBC does have some gold, there are some good ones. There are also terrible ones and ones that are kind of middling.

      But it's in full colour and it's never reached those higher echelons of shit like xkcd.

      Delete
    5. BUT IT HAS COLOR

      Delete
  4. 1071. This is what the Hugo is for, right? Ability to draw and shade circles? Plus, he has his usual "the world is amazing" trite message, which rings hollow when you realise the meaningless act he's used to demonstrate it with.

    1072. You know, deflating a punchline isn't actually funny unless it's taken to a funny conclusion. And that final panel just isn't.

    1073. I think Randall's trying to make a smug point about how he doesn't actually work and is therefore enlightened (his usual "break out of your cubicles" nonsense), but the nature of life is that you have to work. Even if you're a hermit in a cave somewhere, presumably you have to sweep out that cave and scrounge for food. And, because people are social, they want to have their weekends at roughly the same time.

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  5. The nature of socialism is that you have to work. A capitalist is quite OK with the idea that, as long as you have money, you can sit on your ass all day and contribute nothing.

    Yeah, I went there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eff'n yo' doesn't like th' way we live in 'merica yo' kin jest getcher dirty commie ass outta hyar!

      Delete
    2. But capitalism is based in the idea that you _have_ to work to get money... if you didn't, then yeah, that'd be great, but it requires extreme luck or skill. The vast majority of people need to work for money, as opposed to living under a society where the "nature" is that you have to work but the reality is that there is no mechanism to enforce this.

      Delete
    3. LOL! Vid, you think shareholders have to work in order to get the profits their companies make? Capitalism means you can profiting from someone else's work just because you own the capital.
      -
      The whole point of a Capitalist economy is the possibility of making the right investments on the stockmarket and then gain steady income without ever having to work again in your whole life.

      Delete
    4. @Vid, no it isn't, don't be stupid.

      Capitalism = private ownership of the means of production through the accumulation of *capital* = obviate need to work.

      Even though capitalism has been a miserable failure and hasn't really existed in any recognisable form for about a century now, you could at least not sully its one virtue: it recognises man's laziness.

      Delete
  6. I wish this site was funny or interesting. Quite often XKCD is one or the other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. not in the last five years or so, to be fair

      Delete
    2. I like this HI stuff. I hope it stays around, it's good.

      Delete
  7. Does anybody here remmenber the last time they laughed at this blog?
    -
    I miss ravenZOMG reviews.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I miss ravenZOMG reviews."

      +1

      Delete
    2. this blog was once a clique of second rate IT drones and emos. ravenz i guess was ok because she didn't think much of herself, but some of the rest were absurdly impressed with their own minds. a circlejerk of people who hate xkcd is no better than a circlejerk of those who love it.

      at least those who post now - in articles as well as comments - have no sense of self-importance or self-righteousness.

      Delete
    3. Yeah, we're so much better than the old audience.

      Delete
  8. "....Maybe someone out there is excited by the portrayal of exoplanets as uninteresting brownish circles, but I am not....."

    Perhaps if they were portrayed as wrinkly brownish circles, would you be excited and your interest piqued?
    Or bleached perhaps?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This reads like pure me!
      Who the hell are you?

      Delete
    2. Cancers Love To RapeJune 26, 2012 at 1:32 PM

      Me.

      Delete
    3. No, no. I am me. Nobody else is.

      Alternate answer: YOU LYING SLUT, IT'S THE BELT FOR YOU!

      NEW TOPIC: Get rid of anonymous posting, or mod away shit posts? Discuss.

      Delete
    4. the only person with mod powers on this blog is Carl and he is living it up on the ad money in the Bahamas

      Delete
    5. We should go kneecap him.

      Delete
  9. I can never relate to someone who doesn't have an interest in the discovery of planets.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If they discovered fucking Vulcan, I'd be excited.

      Delete
  10. When we were driving home, we saw all kinds of bizarre things that were totally out of place. Like right in the median strip, some businessman sitting on his briefcase with blood all over his pants and a tourniquet. A bunch of black guys surrounding some young couple who looked like tourists literally ripping the woman's clothes off one piece at a time. A homeless guy by the edge of Sunset Boulevard holding a cardboard sign reading "REPENT NOW OR BE DAMNED TO HELL." People running everywhere with shopping carts piled high with groceries or possessions. The smoke forced us to close the car ventilation intakes and circulate the air inside.

    We stopped at all the red lights until I realized that very few people were and if we sat in place like this we might get rear ended. I was trying to keep my wife from losing it by staying in control myself, but I was having a really hard time convincing myself I was not dreaming. I kept thinking, this is one of those vivid dreams where something so incongruous will happen I will realize it is a dream and suddenly things will be inconsistent and irrational and then I will awaken. I thought there would be riots down in South Central like Watts and they might be bad but there is no way this could have happened to the entire city like this so quickly. That's what I was thinking.

    When we pulled into our driveway off Martin Way it is like I was suddenly seeing with new eyes. Our home was right on Sunset Boulevard, close to an alley that accessed a main road on both sides. That was not a good place to be during the apocalypse. It's like my eyes had X-ray vision when we unlocked our front door. We were completely exposed in our one level flat, our door was made of a composite of cardboard fibers and lots of glue. Any man over 200 lbs could probably just tear the door off the frame. It suddenly occurred to me I lived in a fishbowl with full length windows in the front yard. Like most people this just had not struck me as something important until right at that moment. I had been sleepwalking through my entire life.

    The first thing my wife did was to rush over to the television and turn it on. I got my Desert Eagle out of the cupboard and I immediately made a tour of the entire house checking to see if all the windows and doors were locked. Then I came back to the living room and sat briefly with my wife watching the news, just as the last rays of the sun were dying behind the drapes. Night was coming. It looked like on television that nobody was going to be in darkness, though, because half the buildings in the city were catching fire.

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  11. I was shaking. I could hear loud voices out in the street, some in fear, some in anger. I peered through the curtains and could only see dark shadows moving out on the sidewalk. I turned the porch light off. There was no way I wanted to go out there, I kept thinking we'll keep the drapes closed and nobody will know we are here. I had this really powerful overwhelming urge to want to rush to a strong door down to a cellar, which I would close behind us and have a rush of relief at finding a place with food, water, light and safety. Unfortunately, there was no cellar. We lived in a styrofoam kit house that could likely be pulled apart by hand if somebody wanted to. Only a complete arsehole would live in a home like this, you'd have to be so tuned out you were barely registering as conscious. I took a look through the kitchen at my pathetic "preps" I had bought for those "riots" I was worried about ... some cans of soup, two jugs of springwater, a cheap little flashlight. I just had no idea.

    When I went out and sat in the living room and watched some more television, I got one consistent fact from the news ... apparently the police were nowhere to be found, 911 was not answering and the government had completely abdicated it's responsibility to keep order. The people on the news kept saying something about the police waiting for the national guard to arrive. It took a really long time to sink in before I understood what they were saying. The police had camped out in their stations and were not coming out. You were completely on your own.

    My wife finally fell asleep on the couch around midnight. I did not sleep a wink and stayed in front of the television all night, making one cup of coffee after another and monitoring the creep of the riots towards us one block at a time from down in South Central. Every few minutes, a helicopter shot appeared of a new building burning at a ferocious rate almost by magic where just an hour beforehand it had been pristine. They never showed anyone running away from the building, no arsonists ... it was just buildings exploding into bright flames glowing like miniature suns one after the other in a slow procession towards Sunset Boulevard. You would have thought the planet had been invaded by aliens made of fire.

    Around 6 in the morning, I went out as the sun was rising. Half the horizon was a pillar of dark billowing smoke that looked like a woodcutting from the Old Testament. It was eighty miles high and was reaching the upper atmosphere.

    ReplyDelete
  12. That morning everyone on the news was desperately trying to convince everyone of the existence of some sanity in the world and that things would shortly be back under control, but it never was very persuasive because they kept cutting to the cops barricaded inside the station house eating donuts and watching the news and clicking their tongues saying it's terrible, somebody oughtta do somethin' about that.

    Lots of pundits and talking heads were telling us the previous night was the worst part and it was over. I climbed to the roof of my house and looked towards the south - I had this sick feeling that this was the beginning, not the end. That feeling was absolutely accurate. That was just the tip of the iceberg of what was coming.

    I gave my wife a gun, locked the front doors and drove to the supermarket as soon as it was open and found myself fighting dozens and dozens of people at the doors to get inside and raid the place for as much as we could cart away. I got it right this time and bought what I thought would be serious provisions ... powdered milk, dry staples like beans and corn, canned meats, 30 liter springwater jugs. There was a serious dearth of cashiers and I heard the manager say that lots of people would not be coming in at all. There was a kind of electricity in the air like before a storm. Everyone wanted to get home with stocks and cocoon themselves. Some guy was trying to argue with me over a big pack of "D" cell batteries that I found behind the empty display case, I kept staring at him until he shut up and went away. One really old codger had a radio with an earpiece and he was muttering something about the "looting" starting in earnest while he was waiting in line with me. I didn't know what he was talking about at the time.

    I waited at the gun shop for thirty minutes trying to buy a few boxes of ammo but the atmosphere there was very violent and utterly strange. There were lots of guys trying to buy guns off people waiting in line because the gunshop owner had reminded them of the thirty day waiting periods they had voted for in referendum and told them they could apply for a permit but would not be taking a gun out of the shop. These guys were begging for guns to protect their families in these pathetic reedy voices it broke your heart to listen to. Just about then a station wagon filled with black youths drove by playing some bass ugly rap music, everyone in the line was ultra tense thinking they were going to do a drive-by on all the white gun owners waiting in line. The wagon pulled off down the street and finally vanished. I gave up waiting and headed back to the house, luckily I had bought a little ammo the week before the riots.

    When I got home, I immediately drilled holes for security crossbars on the front and back door and mounted a two-by-four on each to hold the door if somebody was trying to force it.

    Then I turned on the TV again. The illusion that the dawn would bring sanity was completely dispelled. There were crowds bigger than Bible epics filling the parking lots of the all mega stores on La Cienega and they were stealing everything that was not tied down. Anybody watching the news could see the majority of all of them were the new mexican enrichers, not "poor downtrodden disaffected blacks." These guys who were operating leaf blowers for the wealthy the day before were taking advantage of the chaos to show their true colors and were running rampant as animals once they knew the law was not going to show up. They were systematically stripping every single retailer to the west shoreline of anything bigger than a thumbtack - and they were doing it brazenly right in front of television cameras hovering overhead off helicopters.

    It was mesmerizing to just watch them swarming into the shopping centers and emerging like little ants loaded down with boxes. Before I knew it the time had slipped by and it was almost noon.

    I'll put the rest down as soon as I get a chance about what was going on by that afternoon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fool, your wife is a zombie.

      Delete
    2. Soo...... you hate Mexicans?

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    3. needs more dragons and shit

      Delete
  13. Rob?

    This place would possess a higher calibre of wit and hate if you:

    A. Remove Anonymous comment posting.

    and

    B. Remove me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A. Yes, surely making people post under fake names rather than as "Anonymous" will greatly improve the quality of comments here. Innit?

      B. Agreed. Preferably through violence.

      Delete
    2. What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

      Delete
    3. I am a sperm whale with over three million confirmed krills.

      NEW TOPIC: What's the deal with pussy? Does anyone ever actually eat this stuff?

      Delete
    4. Naw, man. I'm not into vore.

      Delete
    5. JUST IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET, I DO!!!!

      (...ladies.)

      (Hint hint.)

      (You see, I am telling you that I enjoy a sexual act that many women find pleasurable and/or wish their mates would perform more often, and therefore you should have sex with me if you are among said group of women.)

      (...ladies.)

      (Did I mention I'm into cunnilingus, BTW? I love lingusing that cunn. Yessiree.)

      (Why don't you let me demonstrate what I mean?)

      (...ladies.)

      Delete
    6. in response to the navy sealJune 26, 2012 at 6:20 PM

      Worst copypasta ever. Can anyone come up with a better one?

      Delete
    7. u are 1 fucking cheeky kunt mate i swear i am goin 2 wreck u i swear on my mums life and i no u are scared lil bitch gettin your mates to send me messages saying dont meet up coz u r sum big bastard with muscles lol fuckin sad mate really sad jus shows what a scared lil gay boy u are and whats all this crap ur mates sendin me about sum bodybuildin website that 1 of your faverite places to look at men u lil fuckin gay boy fone me if u got da balls cheeky prick see if u can step up lil queer

      Delete
    8. i said a BETTER one

      Delete
  14. ALTF we are your biggest fans, we can never stop loving your thesbian ass asses butt booty dymaxion poophole.

    NEW TOPIC: Homicide as a group trust building exercise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are we classing homicide purely by its legal definition, or are we to liberate it to include the destruction of animals?

      Delete
    2. Humans are the animals of least consequence.

      Delete
    3. I find that jointly committing homicide is one of the great uniters of disenfranchised male minorities with shared racial characteristics, perhaps second only to forcibly penetrating outsiders in unison. It also can serve to help increase dedication to a group via cognitive dissonance if required as part of an initiation rite.

      Likewise, committing homicide against members of minority groups via beatings, strangulation, stabbing, etc. has historically proven to reinforce the ties of majority communities while also providing a fun family activity a nice backdrop for picnics. Executions of lawbreakers have frequently been used for similar purposes.

      Depending on the definition of homicide being used, military groups have frequently demonstrated that it increases cohesion within small groups, and gladiatorial games have used it to help maintain social hierarchies by providing entertainment to the masses.

      Delete
    4. Dearest Eichmann Dobbs,

      It's 'thespian' and my sphincter is anything but dymaxion - I minimise my advantage with the maximal expenditure of energy and material.

      Delete
    5. I was going to correct him on that too, but then I figured he was going for a portmanteau of 'thespian' and 'lesbian'.

      Delete
    6. Unlikely the cunt has the intellectual wherewithal to pixellate a near-homophonic malapropism engendering a droll conflational lexeme that, entitled in the language of the cheese-eating surrender monkeys, is a portmanteau.
      Then again, maybe she/he does.

      Delete
    7. my mother says I'm clever :J

      62 ceeksoc

      Delete
  15. I wonder what Randy would think of an old Soviet novel called "Monday Begins on Saturday". Weekends are for losers! Taking breaks is for people who are too dumb to love their jobs!

    ReplyDelete
  16. There are many reasons why Randy is an atheist (i.e. humanist, engineer, Ph.D. warrior of logic and reason, etc) but here are the top reasons.

    1. He want a hot, steamy load from Neil de (great ass) Tysons magnum black rod of science.

    2. All Christians are evil, backwards barbarians bent on executing gays (after Randall became an atheist and got a restriction order from Megan, he also became gay) enslaving women and burning copies of Christopher Hitchens' collective works.

    3. All religious people believe in no sex before marriage. Randy believes in huge outdoor interracial-gay orgies and screaming "Carl Sagan!" when he blows his NASA rocket scientist load all over another NASA rocket scientist (i.e. Mensa society member)

    4. When was the last time a religious person contributed to science? Never. Richard Dawkins literally invented Calculus, the Big Bang Theory, Genetics, philosophy, Physics and evolution after completing his masterwork; The God Delusion. Marie Curie was also an atheist and thoughts of her milky bosoms gave Randall many nights of excitement as a boy.

    5. Randy enjoys going into Wal-Mart and demonstrating his morally perfect self to Christians everywhere. He loves it when people cheer him on after dispatching a fundie-theist retard on xkcd, too.

    6. Randy likes using computers. The father of the computer was gay, therefore, because all theists everywhere hate gays, they don't use computers.

    ReplyDelete
  17. the wossname, mouseover text. how long before they silently fix that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's wrong with it? The "K" in "OK" needs to be capitalized or something?

      Speaking of weird capitalization, what's "TiME"?

      Delete
    2. what 11:28 said. the repetition. but also yes. how could they leave out Voyager, Hubble, Galileo?

      Delete
    3. Galileo lived in the 15th century numbnuts, how could he work at NASA?

      Delete
  18. i actually thought this one was okay... or would have been if munroe had left out the post-punchline dialogue and obligatory "but really guys, i am enthusiastic about science" alt text. assuming he didn't steal it from somewhere, i'd give it a c+.



    captcha: givabj 10. even the captcha knows the answer to your problems weaselsoup.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. feh, I would, but no one seems to want them

      Delete
    2. Go to a prostitute strip and offer your services for free. If that doesn't work, you're probably going to have to give up and join a nunnery or something. Maybe people already know well enough what monsters you make of them.

      Delete
    3. OK, weaselsoup, I want one. On Sunday at midday I'll be at London Victoria by the entrance to the Gatwick Express platforms. I'll not wear an xkcd t-shirt.

      My balls are in your court. Will they be in your mouth this weekend?

      Delete
    4. But Anon 6:01, how will weaselsoup know what you look like?

      Delete
    5. Capn, clearly you have never been at London Victoria by the entrance to the Gatwick Express platforms. No-one hangs around there for more than a minute. Only clueless tourists and people claiming expenses use the Gatwick Express, and neither of these people casually lean.

      Delete
    6. aw. I'm sorry, i have plans already on sunday. another time maybe. thanks though!

      Delete
  19. Randall's history of the last 40 years of space exploration is pretty much a list of the projects that were active while he interned at NASA and a few since. I'll agree that the 80s and 90s weren't so hot for space exploration. But still; Voyager exploration of the outer planets postdates the moon landings. There was a bunch of stuff to Mars. Hubble and some other telescopes. I'd say the Galileo mission to Jupiter got more press than the Randall cited Kepler and Cassini.

    And let's talk about Randall's list of awesome NASA stuff. Spirit and Opportunity are legit; so much so that Randall had to mention them twice. Kepler and Cassini, not so much; Galileo and Hubble got more press. New Horizons and Curiosity; we've got to wait and see, they're not even successful missions yet. Project M was scrapped, then reinvented and has produced nothing much to date. If you're looking for examples of NASA successes, Randall, Project M is not something to cite. TiME? I can't even figure out what the fuck that is supposed to stand for. Not a success story, clearly.

    Aside from the awful mouseover, B- for the rest of the comic. Three punch lines (one of them decent) packed into one mostly coherent dialogue. Good show.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't Project M that Metroid game that everyone hates?

      Delete
    2. justin bailey's room

      Delete
  20. Remember, if every day was Saturday then xkcd would cease to exist. It only updates on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, to dream of no more terrible xkcd updates. I guess Randall would still find a way around it, maybe by convincing the forumites to rename Saturday 'xkcday' and hoping it'd catch on, as with his normal attempts to make new memes. And failing horribly.

      Delete
    2. oh capn my capn

      uh

      that's the only line i know

      NEW TOPIC: make a joke about the captcha i just got, 'entacid'

      Delete
  21. Is today's comic basically Randall coming up with an "awesome" reply to conspiracy-nuts and CONGRATULAING HIMSELF FOR IT?

    ReplyDelete
  22. 1. Who says the rocket fuel was real? Wouldn't that be part of the conspiracy, that they sold the fuel to another world power?

    2. No. Things are much harder to convincingly fake these days, which makes conspiracy nuts feel victorious.

    Also, in a move of white knighting, he gives the "harsh burn" to the female character. That, or it is something Megan said and he's just drawing from life.

    ReplyDelete
  23. HEY, AMERICUNTS!

    The IRA no longer attack the British mainland.

    After 30 years of violent Troubles and a peace process lasting 15 years, the Queen shook the hand of Martin McGuinness today.

    This would be like Obama and Osama declaring a truce then playing a round of golf.

    How does it feel to know that we got here without wasting hundreds of billions of dollars and killing hundreds of thousands of brown people, taking down the world economy with us?

    Learn from your cultural ancestors, America, both in Britain and in Ireland.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That sounds a lot like you are shirking on your Irishman-killing duties. Shame on you.

      Delete
    2. I'm pretty sure that Obama would win that round of golf. You know, because he's played over 100 rounds since becoming president.

      (also osama is dead)

      Delete
    3. AMERICA IS NOT A FUCKING COUNTRY
      That's right, dipshit! And you know it. America is not a fucking country. If you fail to see this, let me open your eyes:
      1. The United States
      That's right motherfucker! It's called the United States of America! That's your shitty country! America, or the Americas, is North, Central and South America combined! STOP CALLING YOUR AIDS REGION AMERICA WHEN YOU ARE JUST ONE LITTLE SHIT PIECE OF IT! IT'S LIKE CALLING THE FUCKING MIDDLE EAST EURASIA!
      "What the fuck is he talking about, Middle East is not a country lol! What a faggot!" Well YOUR FACE because USA is just as much a country as the Middle East! Which means, it is fucking NOT. However, a much better comparsion is
      2. Europe
      That's right fuckface. There is no fucking difference between Europe and USA. Europe consists of 50 countries with different laws. USA consists of 50 states with different laws. But the same flag. Both are 10.000.000 square kilometers. SO STOP SAYING WE CANT COMPARE THEM THEY ARE THE FUCKING SAME! And USA's countries are called
      3. States
      The fucking states. They are just like fucking countries, explained earlier. Also, if you ask an "American" where he is from, he will not say "USA" or "America", but the state he is from. If you ask a European where he is from, he will say the country. NOT THE FUCKING REGION OF THE COUNTRY! And have you noticed how you have 5 different time zones? Most normal countries have one time zone even if they actually cross several ones. Don't blame this on your size, becasue CHINA IS ALSO CROSSING 5 FUCKING TIME ZONES BUT IT HAS THE SAME TIME ALL OVER! This is clear evidence the states are countries in disguise. Also, even if we assume I am wrong on all this
      4. It's not your country
      FUCKING COLUMBUS! America, talking about the whole region now not your shitty united countries, belonged to the INDIANS! not because they where from India, but Columbus was so mindfucked he thought he was in India. Then he brought some friends, raped the whole fucking thing and killed all natives. Because
      5. You are not Americans
      Columbus brought his European friends and claimed the whole fuck. Most of them British. Then he imported loads of Niggers from Africa as slaves. Eventually they mixed, and the abomination that is known today as "American" was born. Also, did you read that part about Britain? You know, where England is? BECAUSE YOU SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH! YOU DON'T SPEAK AMERICAN! YOU ARE JUST A FUCKING NIGGER BRIT MIX THAT PRETENDS TO HAVE AN OWN IDENTITY! Besides
      6. You didn't even deserve a country
      JUST LOOK AT YOU! FUCKING PIECE OF FAILURE SHIT! Your average IQ is 97 versus the global average 100 and European average 101. If you are dumb as fuck and know nothing about IQ, because yours is under 80, you might not think 3 or 4 points are very much. Well, THEY FUCKING ARE! And your obsession with FAT DISGUSTING SHIT THINGS. People are getting fat because of McDonald's, and other junk food, not to mention sweets and snacks, thanks to you. Fried Mars bars and pancake & sausage with chocolate chip on a stick is NOT FUCKING NORMAL. It's not even supposed to be edible! IT'S FUCKING GROSS, JUST LIKE YOUR FACE! USA is the only "country" in the world to ban Kinder Eggs, since the fat bastard kids just shoved the whole fucking thing into their mouths and suffocated due to the plastic capsule. And then you think you are SO FUCKING COOL? The Universe was created when someone popped your huge fucking goddamn ego bubble with a needle. Fucking
      7. FUCK

      Delete
    4. @10:13, while I applaud competent America-bashing, that wasn't very good.

      Delete
    5. 10:13's post is the archetype for tl;dr.
      Also, aren't people tired of America-bashing by this point? I remember becoming bored with it about six years ago and I'm embarassed at how long it took me.
      On the other hand, I thought point 7. has some merit and was well made.

      Delete
    6. I felt the real drop was when 10:13 started glorifying IQ points, as though they mean something more than a quick test of how well a child is doing in primary school in their subjects.

      ..And yes, I'm just butthurt because my IQ is so low I have to sit on the keyboard repeatedly and hope what my butt types is both legible and passes the captcha.

      Delete
    7. People with high IQs tend to be good at certain specific cognitive tasks which the modern workplace requires, but they the lack the imagination to rock the boat to or be any sort of threat to higher management - their mind is too focused on the gamut of tasks within their ambit.

      IQ tests are therefore excellent for creating a modern, boring, stagnant world of idlers and their serfs, where progress mostly means reducing the size of your CPU manufacturing progress, rather than any significant scientific, artistic, economic or sociopolitical leaps.

      yeah I went there

      Delete
    8. If that is true then how come all the presidents have a higher IQ than you.

      Delete
    9. To me, his prescriptivism really shined.

      Nice way to be completely uninformed about how language works, fucker!

      Delete
  24. 1074: hey guys look at this cool witticism i thought of but never got the chance to use

    ReplyDelete
  25. 1074 is the purest cuddlefish bait. Is there whining on the forums about the American government reducing its spending on space exploration? I'll bet there is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I haven't checked, but yes.

      Delete
    2. I've gone and done the work for you both. I accept tips, leave them in the public bathroom down Main Street, behind the pipes.

      I'm sorry to say that as far as my quick scroll through could tell, no one has even mentioned the reduced funding. They're more interested in the potential for human space travel, or not as the case might be.

      However fret not, as in compensation for the disappointment my research must have caused I bring you a far better review from the xkcd forum than Rob will produce:

      http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=86657&start=40#p3041685

      Delete
  26. There is a new race of LIBERTARIAN[TM] nerds now who believe that everything the government do is Evil And Wrong, but if you privatise the government then it will do good because vacuums always remain empty and no competing groups in history have ever formed a powerful alliance and declared themselves the new government before.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Money is the only way to motivate people! The only way! Governments just give people money all the time, so it takes away their motivation to work! No motivation to work, and the economy grinds to a halt! No one gets paid to do their dishes, so dishes never get done, ever, people just buy new dishes every week and throw out the old ones! It's human nature to be motivated exclusively by a made up concept! If you disagree with anything I've said here you just don't understand economics! Never mind that it's a common understanding that no one truly understands economics, I do, and you're dumb!

      Delete
    2. HI RON PAUL

      Delete
  27. Bagels: tasty breakfast items or primitive, covert sex toy? Discus.

    ReplyDelete
  28. You do realise Bagels are streched + baked Jewish foreskins, yes?

    ReplyDelete
  29. I always thought they were elephant anuses.

    ReplyDelete
  30. GOOMHR I'm one of those nervous drivers who piss everybody else off by being overly cautious too!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'm not surprised at all by the utter pointlessness and lack of effort on today's comic. After that "Words for small sets" bullshit, I don't think I can be shocked anymore. Although.

    Although.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Evolution "preparing" us? That's very Intelligent-Designish.

    Anyway, turns out that evolution *has* equipped us to drive/ride in land vehicles, and most of us can do it quite effectively, although perhaps not man-children like Randall.

    HEY GUYS DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE ONLY ONE SPLIT SECOND DECISION AND ABOUT A MINUTE'S EFFORT AWAY FROM EITHER KILLING ANYONE CLOSE TO YOU.

    ALL YOU WOULD HAVE TO DO IS PICK UP A WEAPON AND *BLAM* YOU HAVE ENDED SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE AND CHANGED THE COURSE OF YOUR OWN LIFE FOREVER.

    YET BILLIONS OF PEOPLE EVERY DAY RESIST THE URGE.

    LOL @ THOSE QUIRKY THOUGHTS WHICH EMERGE WHEN YOU'RE SEVEN YEARS OLD AND START BECOMING SELF-AWARE AND ANALYTICAL.

    Have a relaxing, murder-free weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  33. But how many times faster is several times faster?

    ReplyDelete
  34. Colour* you inbred insurrectionist

    captcha: fuckyourmitsubishiiveahorseoutside uchysr

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let's just use a compromise : Colur.
      btw I'm not american, I'm not even from an English-speaking country. American English is currently the lingua franca of the world, while British English is, to the world, and therefore to the Internet, a boring relic of the past. Cultural heritage deserves to be preserved but you can't expect everyone to behave as if they were part of your tribe

      Delete
    2. 12:49, you are stupid, right?

      Learning American English today is as futureproof as learning Russian around 1988. The language spoken by the group with the highest number and the greatest strength is an Asian variant of English that is centuries closer to British English than American. That group also reflects values far closer to C19 Britain than C-anything USA.

      tl;dr you're almost certainly from the mid-western USA and "I'm not even from an English-speaking country" is true in the best possible sense.

      Delete
    3. If Google Ngrams is to be trusted, in 2008 'color' had higher usage than 'colour' and had done since 1960. On the other hand, usage of 'color' appears to be sharply falling while usage of 'colour' sharply rising.

      This suggests that 'colour' will soon become more widely used than 'color', although one could have drawn the same conclusion (falsely) in 1962 or 1967.

      In conclusion, while my schooling always taught me that the correct spelling was 'colour', the use of 'color' is so widespread that the sensible response is to treat either spelling as acceptable. For me this is not difficult as I believe that there is nothing inherently sacred about the way a word is spelled. People who do confuse me but I respect their right to spend their time discussing the merits of 'colour' vs. 'color' (or vice versa) on the internet if that is what they choose to do.

      ...
      COLOR!

      Delete
    4. Here in Russia I was always taught to spell things the British way, for what it's worth.

      Interestingly, American English is actually more old-fashioned in many regards; the colonists there escaped the main stream of linguistic change that overtook Britain itself. Given what the above posted said as well, I'm guessing American English is more deserving of the title of "boring relic of the past"!

      Delete
  35. Just checked out the xkcd forums. Turns out pretty much every xkcd fan is deathly afraid of driving. Who knew?

    Maybe they all live in India.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really? Fat asperger faggots are afraid of driving?
      STOP THE PRESSES

      Delete
  36. where is the fucking rants rob you put in less effort than randy now. i need someone to affirm my hatred of xkcd in long tirades putrid with foul language and malicious speculation about randy's sexual identity. <///3 *sadface*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BUT IT HAS COLOR

      Delete
    2. Cancerwife gets cheap healthcare now thanks to SOCIALISM so Robdall doesn't need to bother any more.

      Delete
    3. Thanks, now i have to go stare angrily at the ads for 5 minutes

      Delete
    4. Well since no light can escape from Rob's event horizon, it technically has no color :/

      Delete
  37. HI ROB PLEASE TO MAKE THE NEXT REVIEW HAS COLOR

    ReplyDelete
  38. Replies
    1. crap, I forgot to sign out

      Delete
    2. you could have deleted it idiot. now everyone saw your comment and thinks you are really stupid

      Delete
    3. I think it's kind of sweet

      Delete
  39. Replies
    1. I LIKE THE INTERNET IS FUN SO MUCH

      Delete
  40. I think it's time to give it a rest. At this point we all know XKCD sucks. It sucks so much that you can't even make a funny comment on how much it sucks. Give it a break before some one starts a blog called "XKCD Sucks" Sucks. Or even worse, Randy makes a comic graphing the relative funniness of his comic and your blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You heard the man, everybody. Let's not post here ever again.

      Delete
    2. Nice try, Randall.

      Delete
  41. In Randall's mind:

    Space Elevator: TOTALLY AWSUM SCIENCE LOL GOING INTO SPACE IS AWSUM
    Cars: TOTALLY DANGEROUS OMG!

    I wonder how he feels about aeroplanes.

    ReplyDelete
  42. 1076 is alright, I think. C+

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's shit. groundhog day is shit. xkcd's obsession with sex is shit. xkcd's need to show off about knowing about creationism is shit. F-----

      Delete
    2. It's not shit, it's just kind of average. The sort of comic you might get from a good comic maker on a bad day, which is the sort of comic you get from Randall on a good day.

      Delete
    3. no it really is shit

      Delete
  43. Ussher was an Archbishop, but I dunno if that matters

    ReplyDelete
  44. I was explaining to a friend yesterday that 'The Groundhog's Day Loop' did not break by Bill Murry finally getting to sleep with the girl.

    That would just be sleazy.

    No, it broke the night before when it started to snow. For 17 years of Groundhog's Days Bill had been living in the snow but it never actually snowed, which is why he is surprised by it in the movie.
    The point is not that he got the girl, the point is that he grew as a person and stopped being the selfish douchebag he was. He learned to enjoy French, he learned to enjoy making music, and (most important) he learned to enjoy making others happy. That was the trigger that allowed him to free himself from the loop and when it finally happened the world he had been living in opened up and the snow fell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. no, the trigger was SEXTIMES HUR HUR

      Delete
    2. The Jews at Hollywood produce shallow moralising pablum to distract you from their antics.

      264 DAYS LATER (THE LENGTH OF A PREGNANCY)

      HEY GUYS (I KNOW ABOUT SEX)
      I AM DOING IT WITH SOMEONE (WHO HAS BREASTS)
      (KINDA)

      Delete
    3. The worst part is that the two specifically DON'T have sex the night of February 2nd. Rita mentions offhand at the end that Phil just got really sleepy, and they two ended up just lying next to each other Groundhog's day eve.

      So point is, up yours Randy.

      Delete
  45. Is Randall high? I'm worried that Randall is high.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm worried that his wife won't have any pain medication for herself if he keeps digging into it.

      Delete
  46. Wikipedia articles that Randall has read recently:

    Groundhog Day (film)
    Pregnancy
    James Ussher

    ReplyDelete
  47. You guys should read my new blog, http://xkcdsuckssucks.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another AnonymousJuly 2, 2012 at 8:03 AM

      You really need to update your blog.

      Delete
    2. Don't use that link! It has a virus.

      Delete
    3. BUT IT HAS COLOR

      Delete
  48. Why is it "Bill Murray" having sex with "Rita"? Why does Bill Murray become himself but Andie MacDowell is just a fictional character? What actually happened in Groundhog Day, was Phil had sex with Rita. Bill Murray does not exist in the fictional universe of Groundhog Day

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Next you'll be telling me that Humphrey Bogart never owned a cafe.

      Delete
    2. Speaking of Rita, why do more people not appreciate Educating Rita? From a time when people going to university actually learnt higher and people who want to go to it so aspired; from a time when the Open University was actually about giving people a second chance to learn, rather than collecting £5,000/year in tuition fees; from a time before Thatcher+her Sun-reading idiots RUINED the country and made living a pointless chore.

      Yeah, I went there.

      Delete
    3. Shit movie though.

      Delete
    4. Time for Xkcd Sucks to decide once and for all: which is the better movie? Educating Rita or The Iron Lady?

      Delete
    5. Well, ER is Pygmalion and IL is The Fountainhead. This should answer your question.

      Delete
  49. May I be the first to express my disappointment that 1076 does not have colour.

    CAPTCHA: bruaRese
    The places where they make beErs

    ReplyDelete