Monday, May 28, 2012

Comics 1060-1061: A Timeframe For Sucking

1060. I feel like we've seen an uptick in comics about douchey startup douchebags recently. Is Randy trying to start a startup? Is he finally diving full-bore into the realm of douchery? Or is he just hanging around these douchebags, and combining douchiness with them into some sort of mecha-douchebag?

1061. This reminds me of that one comic about approximations in that I do not give a shit about it at all, and I can't be bothered to figure out why anyone would. Discuss!

196 comments:

  1. I didn't bother trying to 100% get what those two strips were the fuck about.

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  2. 1061 could have been a good comic, maybe, if the text wasn't so small and hard to read.

    Lol, who am I kidding? There are no pictures in 1061. It would have been better as a blog post. Totally inappropriate for the format. It's like those Youtube videos that are really just slideshows of cool images. I could have viewed that as a webpage, and it would be far less bandwidth. Same goes for this 'comic'. Would we be losing anything if you'd just converted it to text?

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  3. I don't even need to do the math to see that the system proposed in 1061 will not be 'precisely synced with the solar cycle'. What does he think leap seconds exist for?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No shit sherlock. Proving once again that people on this site are complete morons.

      Delete
    2. Are you really that stupid, 6:41?

      The point is that the comic would only be clever if it were demonstrating an alternative that was also ambiguous, complex and correct. But it's not correct. It's not even essentially correct but wrong in a some clever way. It's just randum nonsense. It's nothing more sophisticated than a 6 year old saying LET'S INVENT A NEW TIME WHERE SECONDS ARE CALLED WEES AND MINUTES ARE CALLED POOS AND INSTEAD OF 24 HOURS IN A DAY THERE ARE FART HOURS AND EVERY 4 YEARS WE HAVE A NO BUM WIPING DAY WHERE YOU STOP THE CLOCK AND BOG ROLL IS BANNED LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

      In conclusion, 6:41, the fact that you made your post confirms that you will never make a positive contribution to humanity. You should, right now, find a knife and stab yourself through the heart with it.

      Delete
    3. I stand corrected. People on this site are oversensitive morons.

      Delete
    4. Gotta agree with 4:55 here.

      But more specifically, I really find it funny how 12:39 is weaseling his way out of this one :D Rhetoric sure is one powerful weapon, but it doesn't always hide the fact that you're full of shit.

      Delete
    5. Kizolk, this site may be in desperate need of fresh blood, but I'd rather it die off than have people like you.

      Delete
  4. goomhr I also find it difficult to understand clocks and calendars

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    Replies
    1. moar liek COCKS and CUNTLENDERS

      to randy there are only mouths and milk-pumps

      ("mouths and milk-pumps" is surely part of at least one line from at least one song from The Verve)

      Delete
  5. I think there is a degree of parody in 1061, because some of the suggestions he makes are obviously absurd. But it's pretty impossible to determine where the serious stuff ends and the parody begins. I could suggest that Randall is making fun of his own "revolutionary I-am-smarter-than-everyone-else" suggestions, but I don't think Randall would be that witty.

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  6. i dont think i understand the point of 1061. is he trying to make out that the current calendar system we all use is pointlessly (and more importantly, *arbitrarily* ) complicated? because if thats his point then... he's wrong. our calendar system actually makes a good amount of sense if you look at its development (ie, 12 months originally, and you cant have them even lengths and still make a year, so we'll add a few days on here and there, and then you get some roman emperors that want to give 'their' month extra days and take days off months they dont like, and before you know it, its like this.).
    things that are organically (no, not in the sense of 'without GM'...) grown over time pick up properties that may not be ideal if you were designing them from scratch all in one go. this is not new, interesting, or exciting.

    and as for 1060.. just dull. says the same thing a penny arcade said a year ago (ie. some people on kickstarter may be twats).
    i'm just waiting to see the xkcd kickstarter, with stretch goals like 'if i get more than $200000 i will make a comic that takes me more than 30 seconds to come up with the idea and draw.'

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    Replies
    1. oops, my bad, i had (mainly due to not being at work on friday so not being bored enough to look at how shit xkcd was) managed to avoid seeing 1060, so seeing the thing about douchy startup comics, my brain had filled in the blanks and assumed it was the kickstarter one.
      oh well.
      this ones shit too, i cant be bothered with going into details on why/how.

      Delete
  7. Can someone please work out:

    1) In what way it's both "compatible with old units" and "free of historical baggage";

    2) What does he mean by "solar cycle": the sunspot cycle so important for radio comms, or the Julian solar cycle?

    3) And how would either of either of these be synced precisely with a calendar determined by the phases of the moon?

    Haha oh wait SO QUIRKY the UK second is uniquely 0.9144 "standard seconds" so in fact it's all bullshit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why would it need to be synced with any other calendar? It's supposed to supersede all other calendars. Moon phase determination is out. You're obviously one of those people who are just frustrated with xkcd because they're far too thick to comprehend it.

      Delete
    2. Grey text at top of strip: "PRECISELY SYNCED WITH THE SOLAR CYCLE"
      First rule: "...AFTER EVERY FULL MOON..."

      HTH, you fucking idiot.

      Delete
    3. "free of historical baggage" = OMG, the current year is based on the Christ myth and every time I write the date on a check I'm forced to pay homage to a magic invisible sky wizard IF ONLY I COULD CONTROL TIME I WOULD DO IT RIGHT ALSO QUIRKY.

      Delete
  8. I get the impression most of you are over thinking this. It's just a "wacky" comic, where he says his EST will have all these wonderful aspects which it quite clearly does not, whilst trying to throw in as many references to geek culture as he can. He no doubt also got a boner from writing "date math".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I realise that, in the context of xkcd, "you're THINKING!" is a criticism.

      But let me at least imagine an alternative universe in which xkcd incorporates sophisticated humour based on subtle observation, impeccable logic and good effort.

      Delete
    2. Then by all means imagine that, but posts such as that by 5:21 seem to be besides the point, given that the point is Randal's wacky idea is designed to be self-contradictory for the lulz.

      Now, ways to fix the comic, that would be a good use of thought. As would determining how he came to produce such a pile of shit in the first place. I would say it looks like something produced after a drunken discussion with friends, but as I understand it he doesn't see friends, instead using his time to worry a lot about cancer.

      Delete
  9. The worst thing about 1061 is that people are going to use this retarded system whenever they think it'll make them sound clever. Oh yes, they will.

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    Replies
    1. Glancing at the forums quickly, they appear to be more interested in coming up with their own systems than adopting this one.

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. Go Fuck Yourself 2012

      Delete
    2. Paul Ron 1220

      Delete
    3. Romney 2012

      Delete
    4. Jon Levi 2012

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    5. Thatcher 2012

      Delete
  11. David Cameron 201oh wait never mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The best thing about Cameron is that he is not Ron Paul.

      There are no other good things to say about Cameron.

      Delete
    2. Pft if you think Cameron is bad you haven't seen a lot of Tory backbenchers.

      Delete
    3. That's like saying that if you think a turd in your mouth is bad then you haven't seen diarrhoea.

      Also "Diarrhoea - NHS Choices" is the first hit for Google UK for "diarrhoea". NHS choice, indeed. A market in healthcare is as absurd as a market in fresh air.

      Delete
  12. 1061 has a good idea at the center, making fun of ridiculously convoluted dating systems, but it crashes when it comes time to deliver the joke. It's a build up to gradually more absurd mathematical processes, which is good, but then it suddenly becomes 'synced with Narnia time' which is just goofy, not absurd. So you get this slow build up that veers off at the last second to land in silly pop culture reference land. Not to mention that the buildup is a little too slow, so the sense of 'is he really serious' becomes 'good god he must be serious' before you hit the punchline.

    Or actually, you don't, because there's no punchline and the joke just kind of fades away without any interesting impact.

    It's like Look Around You without any of the maintained absurdity, witty writing, or humor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 10 PRINT "MEGAN'S NIPPLES"
      20 GOTO 10

      Delete
  13. discord

    This is from something I'm working on, sort of.

    I helped my bandmate move his old couch into his new apartment this afternoon--the couch that used to occupy the attic we used to hang out in all the time back in high school. That couch was old. That couch had stories to tell.

    Once we'd finished he offered some beer and we sat on the new couch--the spoils of victory--and my friend put on some Radiohead.

    "Man, this takes me back," he said. "I remember the first time you came here and introduced me to Radiohead. I was hooked from that weird wind at the start of Planet Telex."

    "Except, I didn't bring that album. I brought OK Computer."

    "Are you sure?"

    "Does it matter?"

    He shrugged and said, "I guess not."

    Of course, it did matter. That had been the day my friend got it in his head that we should be in a band, and talked me into talking my parents into getting me guitar lessons. The actual band didn't materialize until I'd come back from college, of course, but it was a big day, and one of us didn't actually remember it, which meant that in all probability neither of us did. How many times had we told that story? How much had it warped in the telling, until our memories were just of the stories we'd been telling?

    The vision came to me then: the two of us in high school, working on some homework or other. I dig around in my bag for my math book and find the CD I picked up earlier and say something like "You want to put on some music?" and we do, and we probably even enjoy it. But there is no big moment. The album is incidental to the question he asks me later: "Wouldn't it be cool if we were, like, a rock band?"

    We shared stories for the rest of the evening, but I found myself doubting all of them, his and mine both, and no amount of alcohol would shake this nagging doubt.
    Posted by Rob at 18.5.12 2 comments Links

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I helped my lover move his old dildo into his new apartment this afternoon--the dildo that used to occupy the attic we used to hang out in all the time back in high school. That dildo was old. That dildo had stories to tell.

      Once we'd finished he offered some vermouth and we sat on the new dildo--the spoils of victory--and my friend put on some Enya.

      "Man, this takes me back," he said. "I remember the first time you came here and introduced me to Enya. I was hooked from that slow primal drum throughout Adiemus."

      "Except, I didn't bring that single. I brought Orinoco Flow."

      "Are you sure?"

      "Does it matter?"

      He shrugged and said, "I guess not."

      Of course, it did matter. That had been the day my friend got it in his head that we should form an xkcd hate / microfiction crossover site, and talked me into talking my parents into getting me writing lessons. The actual site didn't materialize until I'd come back from fat camp, of course, but it was a big day, and one of us didn't actually remember it, which meant that in all probability neither of us did. How many times had we told that story? How much had it warped in the telling, until our memories were just of the animalistic, merciless sex?

      The vision came to me then: the two of us in high school, playing footsie under the desk. I dig around in my bag for my liberal arts book and find the xkcd printout I picked up earlier and say something like "You want to look through the xkcd archives?" and we do, and we probably even enjoy it. But there is no big moment. The comic is incidental to the question he asks me later: "Wouldn't it be cool if we, like, had a site too?"

      We shared semen for the rest of the evening, and I found myself swallowing all of it, his and mine both, and no amount of alcohol would quench the bitterness.

      Delete
    2. ex-lover, surely? maybe rob cannot let go

      (SO SITS ON HIS QUARRY AMIRITE?)

      Delete
  14. Randy composes a comic. A play in 1 act.

    Randy: Today's comic will be a serious. No more leopards, or breast milk foolishness. Today, I will create a brilliant new time keeping system!
    Let's see... Add 4 minutes to the day to get rid of leap years. Wait that makes the day shift. Ok, this is a little harder than I thought... Hmm... What if... OH FUCK IT A MONTH IS 3 LEOPARDS, A LEOPARD IS A HALF A VAGINA HAHAHA I'M SO SILLY THIS IS HILARIOUS.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'M SO SILLY THIS IS LEOPARDS I THINK YOU MEAN

      Delete
  15. Hollande 2012 !

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    1. Does people even understand what "socialism" is? If Hollande is a socialist then Thatcher was a Nazi.

      [ socialism ] huge gap [ political spectrum today [ the more insane neocons and muzzies ] fascism ]

      Delete
    2. Yep. Saying Hollande is a real socialist just because his party is called "Parti Socialiste" is just as dumb as saying that the main purpose of Democrats is to establish democracy. Mélenchon is as close as you get to an actual socialist Frenchman and he will never access a position of power since he decided to leave the Parti Socialiste and side with communists (so did the entire "far-left" wing of the party...).

      Delete
    3. TONY BLAIR WAS A SOCIALIST

      Delete
    4. wot, a national one?

      Delete
    5. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      Tony Blair, or should I say Tony Bliar. Tony B Liar. Tony B LIAR. Do you see?

      Delete
    6. i dont get it

      Delete
    7. > implying that Thatcher was not a Nazi

      Delete
  16. i am bored, could someone say something entertaining pls

    'ocetar vice'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marry me.

      captcha: ngeress. Love cares not for arguments against miscegenation, capcha generator.

      Delete
    2. how can one marry an anonymous?

      Delete
  17. so House had its series finale last week. is anyone sad to see it go?

    Captcha: that forcodu

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    Replies
    1. No, that show was terrible. House was an annoying character. Like, I get that him being a jerk was the whole point, but he wasn't even an entertaining or funny or sympathetic jerk, he was just an annoying jerk. Every time he opened his mouth, I just wanted to punch my TV.

      Delete
  18. I have seen about 2 episodes of House ever, and I didn't like them. everyone goes 'omg Hugh Laurie does this amazeballs american accent' but he does NOT. if you listen you can hear his bertie wooster vowels in every sentence. it was also annoying even without taking that into consideration

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    Replies
    1. Man, he passes off as American to Americans. "I can detect his Bertie Wooster vowels" does not in any way trump that.

      Delete
    2. That's because there is no group less self-aware than the citizenry of the United States.

      Sacha Baron-Cohen's films were almost an exercise in demonstrating this.

      (Compare another Eton-American, Damian Lewis.)

      Delete
  19. what seasons were the episodes you watched from? if it was the later ones, no wonder you didn't like them.

    ReplyDelete
  20. *All* of House is bad.

    Basically imagine a world in which asshole aspies are successful rather than outcast as the asshole aspies that they really are.

    Also imagine a world in which the wit of A Bit of Fry & Laurie and the finesse of Jeeves & Wooster have to be dumbed down to something no more subtle than a punch in the face.

    That is House.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey! Speaking as an asshole aspie myself, the above post offends me.

      Delete
    2. For half-men who claim TO BE LIKE ROBOTS NOT CONCERNED WITH HU-MAN EMOTION, they sure do get emotional.

      Delete
    3. "Also imagine a world in which the wit of A Bit of Fry & Laurie and the finesse of Jeeves & Wooster have to be dumbed down to something no more subtle than a punch in the face."

      That sounds far more like Blackadder than House.

      Delete
    4. Quite, TLOK. Blackadder is a half way House, as it were.

      Delete
  21. i thought it was impossible to offend someone with aspergers because they didnt understand social context, or am i thinking of vampires

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. IN THEORY yes, but nobody actually has a genuine case of aspergers, they all just pretend to justify never making any effort whatsoever.

      Delete
    2. not an aspie. probably.May 30, 2012 at 5:11 AM

      i'm sure somebody, somewhere, at some time, had a genuine real case of actual honest-to-god aspergers.
      i'm equally sure that that person didnt go around announcing it to people to excuse their twatishness (totally a word.).

      anyway, as for House...
      meh, its alright. been slipping recently, but still better than most of the shite thats on tv these days.

      Delete
    3. I've a cousin with aspergers, he's 33 and still lives at home, constantly wears black silk pajamas and is a complete cunt. I'm pretty sure he's not faking anything. I'd agree that most of the Filthy Atheists on Reddit/Fourchan (FARFs) who claim to be afflicted with this unavoidable disease are mostly just too lazy to stop being terrible.

      Delete
  22. is it just me or is angela merkel strangely hot?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I imagine that Merkel is hot to the vegetables.

      Delete
  23. Who gives a fuck about House, i'd trade all 8 seasons of House for one season of Firefly without any second thought. Or even Arrested development.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Seems that \"Randy no do-overs good with with computers\" has fixed his little quote escaping mishap

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To be fair, the coding for xkcd is done by the guy that hosts it, not Randall.

      On the other hand, given that drawing a stick figure comic three times a week is his only occupation, you'd think he'd be able to pull up php.net and do a bit of work himself. Maybe that's expecting a bit too much though.

      Delete
  25. Only nerdfags watch Firefly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only leopardfags leopard Leopard.

      Delete
    2. Leopard leopardleopards leopard Leopard.

      LEOPARD: leopard leopard

      Delete
  26. Earth Standard Time: totally unambiguous, except for the fact that EST also stands for Eastern Standard Time. Great job, randall.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THATSTHEJOKE.JPG

      Of course, no one expects degenerates like you to grasp Randall's subtle and sophisticated humor. Fucking philistines. You don't deserve him.

      Delete
    2. 3/10, unlikely to read again

      Delete
  27. You're sitting on the toilet in a public restroom. You look down and see a hand reaching over from the stall next to you, wordlessly requesting toilet paper. Only this is no ordinary hand. This putrefying monstrosity is obviously the hand of a member of the Undead. A thousand questions enter your mind. Do zombies even need to poop? Is this just some clever (for a zombie) trick to get your own hand in grabbing-and-eating distance? Or will not showing the zombie this basic courtesy incur its undead wrath? As you ponder these questions, the hand's gesture becomes quicker, more impatient. What do you do?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Give him the paper, why not.

      Delete
    2. > UNZIP FLY

      Delete
    3. If I give him the paper I get a piece of heart, right?

      Delete
    4. Yeah, but then how will you complete the quest to get the Couple's Mask (which, incidentally, does appear to be made of toilet paper)?

      Delete
  28. deficit leopard

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  29. *All* of xkcd is bad.

    Basically imagine a world in which asshole aspies are successful rather than outcast as the asshole aspies that they really are.

    Also imagine a world in which the wit of Pokey the Penguin and the finesse of Space Moose have to be dumbed down to something no more subtle than a punch in the face.

    That is xkcd.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I really hate the word 'milk'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dip my cookies in breast droppings.

      Delete
    2. The word "soup" reminds me of semen. Change your username.

      Delete
    3. insert something here so I'm not Anonymous tooMay 31, 2012 at 1:52 PM

      The word "Anonymous" reminds me of social outcast libertarians of low intelligence with an unwarranted sense of self-importance on 4chan (but I repeat myself several times). Change your username.

      Delete
  31. Two days later and not a single comment on 1062? I'll give it a shot. File that with 753 (the global south one); Randy has trouble with a common political metaphor. Meh. I'm going to go read Marmaduke. At least Brad Anderson attempts to make jokes.

    Holy fuck. I just Googled Brad Anderson to make sure I had his name right. He's 88 and still going strong. Not quite as old as Bil Keane was when he died, but Brad's certainly in the running for oldest mediocre cartoonist (and Marmaduke started 5 years before Family Circus, so that's got to be pushing the record for longest running strip still drawn by the original artist)

    ReplyDelete
  32. I think everyone ignored 1062 because it was so boring. I can't think of anything to say about it beyond that.

    1063 was a bit more 'this is what Black Hat is reduced to? really?' but I dunno, it wasn't too bad. I think it would have been better if the character wasn't Black Hat. Standard stick figure guy, Megan, beret guy, whoever. Black Hat sets up expectations that he'd change history to make things worse rather than effectively not changing it at all.

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    1. I think BHG did what you'd expect any personification of dork evil to do: achieved technically correctness.

      However, the "Hitler is evil!" thing is just so boring. WW2 was really a war between the British, US and Soviets, with the British empire losing and the other two carving up Europe. The US was more sensible in that it was militarily softer but instead ensured increasing economic subjugation which has survived to this day - a younger and as yet uncorrupted Blair keenly pointed this out in the '80s. Someone like Hitler was an inevitable consequence of the post-WW1 sanctions imposed on Germany, and (before the war) Britain's elite were divided between those who were ideologically fairly happy with Hitler and those so far up American arse that they looked forward to selling their country across the Pacific.

      tl;dr Germany's Hitler was as Afghanistan's Ayatollah - the people's certain reaction to chronic and unbearable external force.

      Delete
    2. >Germany's Hitler was as Afghanistan's Ayatollah - the people's certain reaction to chronic and unbearable external force.

      Are you saying Hitler is just fine because he's the natural product of Germany's history? Well, I don't think it's exactly what you meant, but you seem to downplay what he's done/the fact that people voted for him because of what Germany went through. Like "it was bound to happen, so stop blaming them :c". I hope history can at least serve this purpose, i.e. people learning about stuffs and going "OK, we went through hard times and maybe we're still bitter about all of it, but regardless, we shouldn't have reacted that way. We've been asses".

      Anyway, while I do agree with part of that analysis, it doesn't account for the whole anti-semitism thing. In this sense, saying Hitler = Germany's history (and Treaty of Versailles more particularly) isn't completely accurate. For instance, would he have been elected if the NSDAP program didn't talk at all about Jews? Maybe, maybe not. But the point is, relying on the people's anti-semitism was a safe bet at the time, so surely it was an important part of the Nazis' appeal.

      Delete
    3. I think he fueled anti-semitism more than he relied on it. When people are in a bad way, it's really easy to identify a group and get everyone to hate them.

      For example, over the past 15 years Britain seems to have developed a mindset that severely disabled = lazy undeserving poor. Disability just *is*, whether you deny it or not, just as people born with Jewish heritage just *are* - you can do things which increase or decrease the number of Jews or disabled people in the future, but at any particular moment, it makes no sense to feel anything either toward or against anyone for being either Jewish or disabled. And yet, they're a conveniently weak group who can be painted as being a net detriment to society.

      It doesn't matter that many Jews/disabled were/are significant contributors, nor even that the sum of that taken by Jews/disabled is far outweighed by that taken by more powerful exploitative elements - what matters is that you distract people from those who are to blame with *anyone* too weak to fight back.

      While, for the emotional trauma, it's fairly easy to think Hitler = hates Jews, it's far more informative to see Hitler = charismatic Italian-corporatist reaction to post-WW1 sanctions.

      tl;dr The hatred for Jews was a symptom of the circumstances Germany found itself in.

      Delete
    4. That is a circular argument, because in actuality the circumstances of Germany were the symptom of the Jews. Karl Marx - Jewish.

      Delete
    5. @5:10: Hm, it's hard to say... I get your point, but saying the Jews were only a circumstancial scapegoat leaves aside the fact that anti-semitism is centuries old -- I'm not even speaking of Ancient Egypt or stuffs like that; I'm speaking of European/Christian animosity towards Jews.

      You could say that Hitler simply used an old meme and updated it to fit the post-WW1 shit Germany was facing, but it's more than that. I believe this hatred was very sincere on everybody's part, and that they truly believed the "Final Solution" was just that, the solution to their problems. As sincere as their butthurtedness over WW1 + expansionist nationalist ideals were.

      But more to the point: the Nazis actually thought the Jews -- more specifically Jewish bankers -- *were* the cause of WW1. "Jews = money" is old too, and has actual historical reasons (loans with interests forbidden by Christian interpretation of the Bible, but not by Judaism so European Catholics were pretty happy to let Jews do the dirty job for them), so again, I'm pretty sure Nazis were sincere about that. I'm not saying they were right obviously, but they were being sincerely wrong in their analysis of the real causes of their sufferings. Human wars largely predate Jewish finances.

      tl;dr They thought the circumstances Germany found itself in were the Jews' fault. I agree with 12:52, with the notable difference that he's giving you a first-person account of the Nazi thought process.

      Delete
  33. Black hat guy misuse aside, 1063 is the first XKCD for several hundred that I actually found funny.

    I suppose even broken clocks are right twice a day...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It wasn't funny. You are ashamed to admit you didn't foresee an obvious punchline.

      Delete
  34. ugh, it's bollocks. 'history is for losers.' 'no wait history is for time travellers.' fuck OFF. it's fan pandering again isn't it. a million idiots are now pontificating about the paradox of time travel and the temporal fucking directive and alternative history and the many-worlds interpretation and probably Primer and probably fucking Timecop for all I know and thinking they are so fucking clever just because they've read some scifi and it's just really really annoying. plus it has been done before in the one about how some selfish arse didn't save someone else's dad from the Sep 11 attack when he had a time machine, which was one of the most sanctimonious fucking pieces of wank even xkcfuckingd has vomited out

    am liking this new photos of numbers thing on the thing you type in

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. weaselsoup, you cunt, Google is providing photos of people's house numbers and getting you to type them in so it can identify where everyone's house is around the world.

      The only way you should "like" it is by entering a slightly wrong number.

      Delete
    2. well I never. i will make sure to do that in future, thank you

      Delete
    3. Maybe even more remarkable, I found the alt text funny. I have a tendency to find them a bit smug, and look-at-how-clever-I-am-y, but here it was just a straight joke with no obscure reference etc.

      As for BHG misuse, I think it would've worked a little bit better if at least he'd said something selfish/over-the-top/trivial e.g. "I'm gonna sleep with Cleopatra" instead of "I wanna go explore time, just think about all these adventures! :D", which in itself isn't a bad thing. I mean, Hitler isn't the only large-scale criminal in history, it's not like killing him is the Best Fucking Thing You Could Do For Humanity's Sake. So instead of coming across as a huge jerk, he first sounds like a curious scientist/historian (like "woohoo, finally I get to see the places/events I've always dreamed of"), and then at the end, like a moron/bad historian. In terms of BHG, it's just fail all the way.

      Delete
    4. It should be noted that I posted the above message in the wrong thread. Thank you for your attention.

      Delete
    5. No one cares

      Delete
    6. PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE ONLY TEASING ME AND DON'T REALLY MEAN IT

      Delete
    7. Oh God, okay, yes I was, now please, just come down off that ledge.

      Delete
    8. Not forgiven. Gravity-fast, really down below I will come.

      Delete
  35. I didn't get much past 'hur hur killed hitler wrong hur' myself.

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    1. I _think_ the joke was supposed to be about, well, what Anonymous @ 2:28 AM was partly going on about- making fun of the perception of Hitler as basically a cartoon villain and the occasional expressed view that, given a time machine, killing Hitler with it would actually be a good thing to do. The title text sort of lends itself to this interpretation but of course it's not explicit. It doesn't make any sense for Black Hat to be doing this though, which is why either Randall is making a far worse joke than I thought or he's reduced Black Hat to an even paler shadow of his former self. Maybe both.

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    2. The true joke is that BHG has morons convinced he actually has a time machine.

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  36. it's funny because he killed hitler but it didn't change anything LOLOLOL

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  37. Maybe that tricky black hat guy didn't really invent a time machine. All he had to do was walk into a cupboard and come back out again because that generic bald guy was gullible enough to just believe it as soon as black hat said he had a time machine!!!!!!! LOLOLOL!!!

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    1. I have a cupboard in which your mum is tied up. I intend to go into the cupboard and come out after 5 minutes. Will you allow me? WILL YOU TAKE THAT RISK, ANON?

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    2. My mother is dead. Anything you do to her now will not harm her and can only reflect badly on you.

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    3. What if I used her skull in a production of Hamlet? How would that reflect badly on me?

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    4. Using her skull in a production of Hamlet would reflect badly on you in the sense that you'd look like a complete moron who doesn't have a friggin idea what the hell the play he's acting in is about.

      Unless 2:19's mother was a dude.

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    5. I know you're new and keen to prove yourself, Kizolk, but there's not that much difference between a male and a female skull - indeed, considering the increase in average size over the centuries, you'd probably have something closer to a male skull of the time by employing a modern female skull.

      In practice few would consider the difference any more than they'd worry about whether the skull's features match Yorick's racial background.

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    6. I know I know, I'm just trolling around :p Well, not sure trolling is the word; more like having fun in a (very mildly) antagonistic way? Just like teasing friends.

      ...you guys and I are friends, right?

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    7. brb, remaking Kubrick's The Shining using real human blood for the elevator scene.

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    8. A five minute production of Hamlet? It reflects badly on you because you must have forgotten all the lines.

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  38. So, over £80 million for the sale of moneysavingexpert, a site which does little more than aggregate information produced by other people with a bit of mostly volunteer human effort and write bad editorials.

    And that was sold to a site supposedly worth 5-10 times as much, and which does little more than aggregate pricing information using a few database calls and write barely any editorials.

    This is why capitalism is such a fucking joke. What shocks me most of all, I think, is to learn that people actually click on affiliate links even when they know it means increasing the price of products in the long run.

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    1. Usually when you are confused it's because you are wrong or somebody is making a lot of money off it.

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    2. someone's mad that he didn't think of it first

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    3. Fairly sure I was scraping information and using a MIN() function as early as 1995. Didn't have the ego to think I should try to make money from it - just gave away the scripts.

      I only ask for money in proportion to the amount of effort something takes me, and then only ask for enough to survive vaguely comfortably. Don't you? If not, don't you feel empty and pathetic inside?

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    4. No, I put a few minutes aside every today to make fun of some webcomic and its creator because I'm a happy and fulfilled person.

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  39. Michio Kaku says we'll be able to kill hitler sometime in the next 10-15 years.

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  40. do you ever wonder if you're blocking ads that could have changed your life

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    1. I never do, but will start doing so *right now*. Thanks for the tip!

      ...god, what a blast. Loving it so far!

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    2. Yeah, no, who am I kidding. On second thought that was shitty, Raven. No thanks for the tip, dude, it sucks. OH IS THAT MY FRIEND DEPRESSION COMING BACK

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    3. Look, I've already told you I'm never coming back and I meant it. I'm sorry, but it's just over.

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    4. I've found a few webcomics by clicking on ads. But since I unblocked all non-flash ads I can't say it has changed my life for better. On the contrary, I now know that the internet gets most of its money from advertising douchebags. I wish I didn't know that.

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  41. I'm probably late to say this, but do you think Randall wrote 1063 JUST to get people arguing about Hitler?

    And I swear to God, the captcha fficevo some is following me. I know I've seen it before because it appeared in my autocomplete box. This is now the third time I've seen it. What are the chances of getting the same captcha three times? Oh God, I think fficevo some is trying to kill me!

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  42. Actually, this is one of the things that I like the most about xkcd: it gets people to talk about things. Art can have a lot of functions, and one of them is to spark debate -- and by "debate", I mean "vile hate sites included". Everybody's happy (or happy to be angry), it's all good.

    On a somewhat off-topic note: I don't find xkcdsucks and the xkcd forums wildly different. Discussions tend to be more short-lived here, and sometimes they're just one-way statements, but apart from the tone/words used, there are a lot of similarities.

    That's not surprising since the two sites have pretty much the same demographics. At some point, some would-be xkcdsucks readers started to think xkcd sucked, for different reasons. But the people? Overall they're the same I think. The biggest difference is that one side would love anything as long as it has the "xkcd" label on it, and the other side thinks they're too cool/clever to like it (it includes the "geekier than geek/we're the true geeks and we don't worship Randall" crowd, but not only).

    Another difference between the xkcd forums and xkcdsucks is the anonimity thing. It allows people to say and do things they wouldn't necessarily say or do if they weren't anonymous. But you know... I actually like the concept of accountability, and more generaly, individuality. Now, anonimity can be good too, and it does have its perks, but yeah, it's less fun. Not to mention that *some* people think it allows them to be stupid -- I mean more stupid than they really are, which is sad. I'd say those stupidity problems do happen here but aren't that common. I guess I just used this opportunity to do a cover rant against 4chan/"Anonymous" haha, incorrigible me. Ah man. I'm still amazed at the amount of crap you can put into something and still call it "Anonymous".

    But to get back to your post, Capn: maybe it was just to get people arguing about Hitler; I guess I should thank Munroe for that. But more likely: there's a reason why the Godwin point exists. Hitler is just the first person that comes to mind when people think of good and evil, right and wrong, me and the others, etc. So let's say I'm Randall and I'm brainstorming: "one-time time machine! It'd be fun if someone tried to fix the biggest mistake/tragedy in history but failed... HITLER!"

    Also, I know I am damn verbose, and I think fficevo some wants your babies, Capn.

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    1. Most of the people posting here aren't adulating themselves. We clearly see our flaws and have some degree of contempt for them, but find ourselves powerless to do much about them so make an effort to content ourselves with venting vitriol in the form of mutual mockery. We pretty much despise each other, but the spite never goes further than that which we feel for ourselves. Some of us post anonymously because we still have some degree of shame.

      Xkcd forum posters mostly want to tug each other's penises in return for having their own penises tugged. They're hiding their problems from themselves instead of embracing them. It's a massive difference and an important one.

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    2. Kizolk, you have learning difficulties if you think that we need xkcd to realise that the Hitler-is-evil thing is overdone. Anyone with half an imagination can pick any article anywhere and use it to "spark" a stupid debate. That's not a statement on the value of the source, merely on the infinite ability of humans to procrastinate.

      As to anonymity, people who like to put their names on things often value ideas less than those who don't, favouring social masturbation over reason. At worst, no-one's prejudiced, and choosing to put your name on something is benign. What is more, no-one on the Internet is accountable for what they say unless and until it is possible to teleport to their front porch and punch them in the face when they say something stupid.

      1:21 also has a strong point: no-one here admires anyone else. We don't respect each other and we certainly don't respect Randall. We are here to point out what is fucked up and wrong, and in the process we either improve ourselves or we hate ourselves more.

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    3. Traveling back in time and failing to kill Hitler is by no means original. There's a whole trope about it.

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  43. Since the above message was very verbose and I am thoroughly ashamed of it, I ecided I'd just pick the best part of it and put it here:

    >>Ah man. I'm still amazed at the amount of crap you can put into something and still call it "Anonymous".

    Forgot to say it was the most off-topic line, unfortunately. But you gotta admit, I sounded pretty badass on that one.

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    1. No, you didn't. That was actually the most boring, unremarkable line. It doesn't exactly say good things about you that you thought it was badass.

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    2. Hm, well, I'll admit the contents wasn't very original, but I liked the way I worded it.

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    3. it doesn't even make any sense.

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    4. So badass, guy

      What a cool dude

      so cool

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  44. OK virgins, think about it. How much sensation do you get when you tickle yourself? How much is that sensation increased when somebody else tickles you?

    That's how inferior your onanaism is.

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    1. onanaism is manual gerontophilia

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    2. 2:59: please elaborate. Do you mean that everybody sees themselves as elderly at heart? Furthermore, how could a sexual relationship with an elderly person (not that hard to achieve), or a person of any age for that matter (still not that hard for any semi-worthwhile person to achieve), be anything other than manual? Inquiring minds want to know.

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    3. 3:38, *facepalm*.

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    4. 3:46: please elaborate. This hilarious line may not be as apparent as you imagine it to be.

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    5. There was nothing hilarious about it. 1:35 can't spell and 2:59 was poking fun at him.

      What is hilarious is how stupid 3:38 and 3:59 are, however.

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    6. what if you do it in front of a mirror, and not into a thick sock

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    7. I just cum onto my hands/into my pants and wash it off then/later. Why do people cum into a sock? Is it some sort of autoerotic foot fetish? I suppose once you're a circumcised man under the heel of the Jewish lube industry, it's expected. This must be why America is always so angry.

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    8. disgusting degenerate. kill yourself

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    9. 1:25, Jewish half-cock, huh?

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    10. 'any semi-worthwhile person' huh. I suppose I always knew deep down that I am not even semi-worthwhile, & now it is confirmed

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    11. It's especially simple for a female, so yeah. Either there's something deeply wrong with you or you've never tried very hard.

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    12. well I mean I have obv been in serious long-term relationships, but not for a while now, so the deeply wrong thing must've developed relatively recently. but yeah

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    13. Note that a sexual relationship isn't necessarily a serious relationship, you prude.

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    14. yeah I know. i would be more than happy with a friends with benefits type situation, but none of my friends seem to want to offer the benefits

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    15. What about anon-on-xkcdsucks-with-benefits? You're clearly in the UK and my experience is that it's possible to get almost anywhere in the UK within 12 hours - give it another 12 if you're Highlands & Islands.

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    16. um if she lives in the UK she lives in London, that's how it works

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    17. sadly that is true. Sadly, because london is a fucking shithole. but we're stuck with it. not to be rude, anon, but what guarantee is there that you are not a serial killer?

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    18. What guarantee is there that someone's ostensibly faithful and benign husband of 10 years is not a serial killer? There are only 600 or so murders a year in the UK ("hmm, he seems to know a lot about murder"), and it's certainly more likely that you'll be killed by a close friend or relation than by /any/ arbitrary stranger.

      captcha: illinest. Cancer-wife displays illinesting behaviour.

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    19. this is very true. you have no guarantee that I am not a serial killer either. or a class project by a group of 15 year old boys.

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    20. I think we can both agree that the best outcome is that we are both class projects by groups of 15 year old boys, and that two coach-loads of 15 year old boys will soon end up meeting somewhere like, say, Camas Daraich.

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    21. that looks lovely. a great place to bury bodies

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  45. You're right !! That also explains why eating feels so much better when someone else is feeding you, and why having someone scratch your itches is superior to doing it yourself. We should quantify tickles into universal pleasure units !

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    1. If the other person knows exactly where the itch is, it does indeed feel better. Eating is a different situation because the food itself is the important part, not the delivery.

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    2. If you don't enjoy eating directly off one of your partner's body parts lifted to your mouth, there is something wrong with you.

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    3. not you. the other rob.

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    4. why does no one love me :(

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  46. let me be the first to say the new xkcd is horrid and probably the worst since.. i guess the EST one. fuck.

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    1. But pretty lines are pretty !!!!! Look at these colors : blue, red, even gray !!!! And look at these shapes : they wave and undulate and cross each other ! It's like an abstract Ballet

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    2. If Randy has a yard, a front door, legs, or even goes out, I'll slit my throat right now on Youtube.

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  47. 1064 is like a graph joke, except without the joke.

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    1. Maybe he decided to stop pretending to make jokes and focus on the core task of eliciting cries of "GOOMH!!!!!!!!"

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    2. That describes all graph jokes.

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    3. GOOMH, Anon 3:26. I was just thinking that!!!

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  48. GOOMHR i too am scared to go outside

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  49. don't reply to this comment if you're gay

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  50. So, fellow Britfags, third day of circenses but the panem is wanting.

    Anyone feel slightly sorry for the Queen? The rest of the Royals get to scrounge but she obediently spent her life taking part in this absurd, camp role in a dead empire run by a civil service which has now been all but sold off to another dying empire across the Pond.

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  51. you ever secretly hope that when you die someone will reanimate your corpse for science and/or criminal activity

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