Monday, May 14, 2012

Comics 1053-1055: Letdowns

1053. Well, here it is, the comic that appeared briefly on Monday and then got replaced by that one about how Randy hates learning. How dull.

1054. Look at me, I can come up with incredibly contrived situations to relay a pun that only works if you are familiar with an obscure chemical!

1055. Randy has heard of Kickstarter, apparently, and he had a WACKY IDEA!!!

232 comments:

  1. 1/ you would have thought that someone like mr Munroe who values the Scientific Process would not stoop to pretending that number of people divided by number of days means that that is the exact number of people who learn something every day. surely it is an average of some sort, i don't know manths so i don't know, but this must be some sort of misleading media reporting error of the kind which he usually bravely speaks out against. also in an old comic he once said that up to the age of three people are 'non-sentient' so that should count them out of learning about pointless school science experiments that 'geeks' think are 'cool'

    2/ is the drug pronounced the same way? i would be willing to bet it is not, which would make this exceptionally stupid even for xkcd

    3/ it is sort of impressive that this is snuck in ahead of the inevitable kickstarter backlash, which is due any day now. that being said, of all the billion ways there are to mock stupid kickstarter projects, this must be the actual lamest possible

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I've seen a few webcomics hopping on the Kickstarter bandwagon, now, so Randy is being his usual dull self. I've yet to see something particularly funny or clever though.

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    2. Clearly the black hat guy isn't even trying anymore, because if he was he would have donated to his own kickstart just to cause people to ask, "Who was stupid enough to donate to this kickstart."

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  2. There seems to be about as much effort put into this critique as there was comedy in the comics: approaching zero.

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    1. Yep. I was hoping for a tad more procrastination material to amuse myself with. Bummer.

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    2. At least I got plenty of procrastURBATION material from Rob's profile pic

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    3. this place exists for the comment threads, i just post something new every week to keep it from getting unwieldy

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  3. Replies
    1. Romney 2012

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    2. Randall 2012

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    3. Megan's Milky Nipples 2012

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  4. Did he steal the "thebacon" one from the edit summary at Wiktionary?

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  5. Is is just me, or are your reviews drifting from rational explanations of why the comic is not funny to using the comic to attack Randall himself?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This started happening a long time ago.

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    2. Approximately about the same time that xkcd stopped having ANYTHING worth rationalising on.

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    3. Is it just leopard, or are your leopards drifting from leopard leopards of why the leopard is not leopard to using the leopard to leopard Leopard himsleopard?

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    4. the post is called letdowns, people. it's a metanarrative

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    5. the post is called leopards, people. it's a metaleopard

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    6. Leopard leopard leopard leopard leopards, leopard, leopard leopard leopaleopard.

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    7. Is it just Mac OS 10.5.x, or are your Mac OS 10.5.xs drifting from Mac OS 10.5.x Mac OS 10.5.xs of why the Mac OS 10.5.x is not Mac OS 10.5.x to using the Mac OS 10.5.x to Mac OS 10.5.x Mac OS 10.5.x himsMac OS 10.5.x?

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  6. This whole blog is hilarious! Go outside :) Do something nice. Smile.

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    Replies
    1. This whole comment is hilarious! Go outside :) Do something nice. Smile.

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    2. You may be man enough to brave the glare of the cursed daystar... but not I... I must hide eternally in this basement wistfully experiencing the world through the Internet, only drawing some measure of joy when I am able bask in the suffering and humiliation of others... preferably at my hand.

      Well that.... or I have a job that ties me to my desk but doesn't take 100% of my attention.

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    3. BAA BAA said the mindless sheep of Babylon

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    4. This whole leopard is leopard! Go leopard :) Leopard leopard leopard. Leopard.

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  7. fuck every one of you

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    Replies
    1. he said to his waifus

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  8. My medication was increased 4 weeks ago and although my nails were bad prior to this increase my nails are really soft now and peel off. I was told in the past that soft nails was a sign of hyper thyroid, which i can tell you i'm not and was a reason why I would have reduced my thyroid medication in the past.

    Are soft peeling nails a sign of hypo too, or is this some form of an adrenal problem. Anyone any ideas? Many thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My nails have become extremely flexible and rubbery and I have started to be able to move them independently of the fingers they are attached to. I can grasp objects using only my incredibly long fingernails and oh no

      oh no I've lost control they're coming for meeeeeeeeeeeeee

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  9. Well it's not exactly 'medical science', but an old home remedy for your problem is to bask the nails in the milk of a freshly lactated human.

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    Replies
    1. That would just make them more moist.

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    2. Actually I've just attempted anon's remedy and it worked out great for my nails. The most difficult part was acquiring the breast milk, but I was able to get some pretty cheap at a house for unwed teen mothers. If that girl had known what a useful nail car product her breast milk was she might have charged more, but as it was she assumed that it was roughly the value of whole milk at the supermarket, and she charged me accordingly.

      I guess she just thought it was a sex thing, or maybe that the flavor is more complimentary to cereal than is cow's milk. I was kind of surprised she didn't ask.

      Delete
  10. so i met people from the internet and it turns out they're all very short. how do i deal with this situation please and thank you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Raven there is a difference between short people and children please learn this difference before you get arrested.

      Delete
  11. but there were costumes involved, that made it alright, right????

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    Replies
    1. Costumes fixed the potatoes.

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  12. Lactating makes it alright.

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  13. Raven will you be my child-bride?

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  14. i have kind of a general xkcd question. so it is supposed to be 'funny' when black hat twat hurts people by causing escalator accidents or throwing bowling balls at them. but it is also verboten* to disrespect Cancer Sufferers. so my qu is, what if someone on the escalator has cancer? does black hat stop being funny then

    *german word esp for rob

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is probably a comic coming up where Black Hat guy kidnaps all scientists and makes them create a cure for all types of cancer and then distributes it via starbucks or something.

      Punchline: the one time it pays to drink starbucks (because everyone knows their drink ugh it's PISS, it's disgusting SHITWATER, this isn't coffee, you don't know what coffee is! They burnt the beans, THEY BURN THE BEANS, a latter? fuck off, they BURN THE BEANS, you don't know what coffee is! Starbucks, ugh, starbucks, no that isn't REAL coffee. I only drink REAL, GOOD coffee)

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    2. Stop drinking coffee. It's bad for you by all accounts that aren't dodgy little studies created purely for getting picked up by the gossip news rounds.

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    3. No wait, I take that back. I forgot it has antioxidants in it.

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    4. I don't drink coffee, what I was doing there was mocking the kind of people who do drink coffee. That wasn't what I actually think. I was pretending to think differently to the way I actually do.

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    5. RE: "They burnt the beans"

      Stop drinking French Roast dufus... get a milder roast and it won't taste like it was brewed through peat ash.

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    6. SinbadEV, my cock is now in your mouth.

      Just FYI.

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    7. 6:27, my cock is now in your mouth.

      Just FYI.

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    8. 1:42, my cock is now in my mouth.

      Just FYI.

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    9. Friendship is beautiful, but sometimes, one's mouth isn't large enough to take it all in. Be careful guys!

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    10. Kizolk, your friendship is now in my mouth.

      Just FYI.

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  15. Black hat guy can't stop being funny. Ceasing to be humorous would imply he was humorous to begin with.

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    1. of course; I meant 'funny' as in 'according to cuddlefish'. they make a big deal of how 'it's just like tom & jerry, if you think it's not funny that's because you're not cool like us' but then they lose that whole thing completely over the cancer thing and become all 'How Dare You. criticising a cancer comic is the same as punching Megan in the face' and while the two things don't quite align, nevertheless there is something there about how they think they get to decide what's offensive. see also sophie's choice reference.

      tldr it should have said 'funny'. no xkcd has been funny since the one about lolcats

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    2. What's offensive about abusing Kickstarter?

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    3. i was talking generally about his general 'sociopathic violence'. the kickstarter thing was too lame so i moved on. or rather, regressed

      'minius lacpla'

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    4. Tom and Jerry?

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  16. http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2011/5/23/

    Also, this..

    A year ago. Same joke.

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  17. Why don't I ever see people make Kickstarter jokes that refer to The Producers? It's the best possible joke on the topic, damn it.

    I need to start my own webcomic.

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  18. My medication was increased 4 weeks ago and although my leopards were bad prior to this increase my leopards are really soft now and peel off. I was told in the past that soft leopards was a sign of hyper thyroid, which i can tell you i'm not and was a reason why I would have reduced my thyroid medication in the past.

    Are soft peeling leopards a sign of hypo too, or is this some form of an adrenal problem. Anyone any ideas? Many thanks

    ReplyDelete
  19. SIRS,

    Why are so many MIT undergrads fans of xkcd? Aren't they supposed to be slightly less stupid than other engineers?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. maybe their smart enough to know everybody else is dumper

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    2. As in dumper trucks?

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    3. As in babyfurs

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  20. I was reading all these comments about Black Hat Guy, and I wasn't sure why you were mentioning him. Then I remembered he was in the most recent comic. What does that say about the bland character he has become?

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    1. If everyone is talking about a character, and you didn't notice the character that says nothing about the character everyone else is talking about. It does however identify you as a fairly unobservant individual. Your inability to notice the world around you does not mean that something in that world is dull (even if it is dull).

      On the other hand if very few people noticed the character, and you were one of the first to point him out, then yes that would tell us that the character has become a dull character.

      This same logic applies to your relationships. It's not that there is something wrong with all those people you find fault in, but that there is something wrong with you. I suggest that what's wrong is that you are unobservant, and you miss those warning signs that you are about to say or do something stupid.

      Delete
  21. I had no idea what Kickstarter was; I didn't find the joke funnier after I read about it.

    Though now I'm wondering: xkcdsucks is kind of a vicious cycle. When you start looking for interesting ways to hate something, you're bound to find them. And end up hating said thing. So I'm wondering if I'm really hating this comic, or if it's just because I'm a weak-willed person who let cynicism win the fight. Actually, I think that a majority of xkcdsucks posters (IDK, like, 3 people) are simply people who lost that fight. Not saying all comics are good though, don't get me wrong; just saying that the decerebrated populate both the xkcd forums and xkcdsucks. It's about not thinking by oneself.

    Also, one of the clear driving forces behind this xkcd hate movement (which I'm part of, kind of) is the desire to be different, and being able to say "NO! I REFUSE TO CONSIDER XKCD AS THE EPITOME OF INTELLECTUAL REFINEMENT. I AM MORE CLEVER THAN THEM". That is, even though xkcdsucks posters love to criticise the perceived elitism on xkcd fans' part, they sure are one elitist bunch as well!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hate is as good a feeling as any. Let me float my boat.

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    2. We're too anonymous to be truly elitist. That said we unanimously think you're a cunt.

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    3. well take me for instance
      i put basically no effort or thought into this and i still hate xkcd

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    4. I love you Rob.

      You are my sunshine.

      Rob is my sunshine.

      Delete
    5. >Though now I'm wondering: xkcdsucks is kind of a vicious cycle.
      Life's a vicious cycle. If you don't like vicious cycles, kill yourself.

      >When you start looking for interesting ways to hate something, you're bound to find them.
      None of the ways to hate xkcd are interesting.

      >And end up hating said thing.
      No. Embrace objective, rational, conclusive hatred.

      >So I'm wondering if I'm really hating this comic, or if it's just because I'm a weak-willed person who let cynicism win the fight.
      Maybe you are a weak-willed person.

      >Actually, I think that a majority of xkcdsucks posters (IDK, like, 3 people) are simply people who lost that fight.
      In the same way that someone who accepts the seduction of a beautiful woman/Rob has lost the fight.

      >Not saying all comics are good though, don't get me wrong;
      Or that any are good.

      >just saying that the decerebrated populate both the xkcd forums and xkcdsucks. It's about not thinking by oneself.
      Now you realise that disliking xkcd is also a rather popular view, you feel you have to go against that too.

      >Also, one of the clear driving forces behind this xkcd hate movement (which I'm part of, kind of) is the desire to be different,
      Galileo did not desire to be different, but to be correct.

      >and being able to say "NO! I REFUSE TO CONSIDER XKCD AS THE EPITOME OF INTELLECTUAL REFINEMENT. I AM MORE CLEVER THAN THEM".
      I'm not sure I'm more clever than Randall. He might be trolling us all.

      >That is, even though xkcdsucks posters love to criticise the perceived elitism on xkcd fans' part, they sure are one elitist bunch as well!
      Well, Anonymous is an exclusive clique.

      Delete
    6. I didn't know Galileo hated xkcd too. Interesting.

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    7. Yeah, he was a visionary.

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    8. It's cute how you phrase it as if this blog is our way of rejecting xkcd as the "epitome of intellectaul refinement," as if we're all timidly saying "I like it, but Kipling is such a cracking read wot." We're rejecting xkcd as the anything of intellectual anything

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    9. Intellectaul the evangelist

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  22. This is either the dullest hater blog on the internet, or it's so geni... nah, it's just fucking dull.

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    Replies
    1. make a better hate-blog if you are so hateful

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    2. yeah nobody is forcing you to read it

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    3. You're just saying it's dull because you're jealous.

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    4. you're just jealous. and all hate is subjective

      'khznyst gheek'

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    5. Fuck you wealselsoup, that was my unarguably valid critique. Besides you're not allowed to take two, unwritten etiquette says so.

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    6. fair enough. you can have one back, which one would you like?

      'steponde tocifu' no, you step on the tocifu

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    7. oh I didn't read properly, you already chose the jealous one. my bad. I will get my coat now

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    8. weaselsoup why cant we have sex already

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    9. you tell me

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    10. i think it is because you are shy particularly because you are fat and have retreated to the internet where porn has convinced you that you would never be physically worthy so you cling only to people you know you cant have and dismiss the advances of those who might satisfy you

      amirite?

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    11. spot on, yeah, apart from the advances bit, because that never happens *violins begin to play*

      Delete
  23. Genera. GENERA, Randall you illiterate fuck. Not "genuses". God that sets my teeth on edge. Actually, I'm mostly OK "genuses" if it's not coming from somebody who thinks a few semesters of undergrad physics means they know everything about biology as well.

    Also, if it doesn't have the word "Florida" in front, "panther" usually means a (black) leopard, not Felis concolor.

    Finally, Randall is a lazy douche. He got Stygimoloch spinifer and Dracorax hogswarti from the same fucking Wikipedia article, and both names may well end up being synonyms for Pachycephalosaurus. I'm not going to point out that Stygi- is Greek, and there's a reason biologists talk about "scientific names" rather than "Latin names"...oops.

    Anyway, I'm just going to throw out Garthambrus darthvaderi as a token Badass Scientific Name and leave you with the scientific names Labia minor (an earwig), Phallus impudicus (a mushroom), and Clitoria ternata (a plant) which are not Badass, but certainly more interesting than Randall's lame dinosaur names.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's really hard to top Vampyroteuthis infernalis.

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    2. not to mention 'a webcomic of blah blah LANGUAGE blah'. i hate xkcd. evidently he read my post on here where I said i liked the comics that have been cat-themed and thought 'hah. this will make her love me' but NO. because this one is a/ shit and b/ about fucking Apples. i HATE apple and all its shitey smugness as much as I hate xkcd. which is a lot

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    3. Has anyone ever taken a photo of a Labia minor on the labia minora? It would be an educational demonstration of homophones so not even the forthcoming Great Firewall of Cameron should block it.

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    4. i was about to but we got thrown out of tgi friday's before we could

      'pantsdar' like gaydar but for pants?

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    5. @weaselsoup - I'm confused by your anti-Apple statement. Are you saying that if a creative work so much as mentions Apple, it's automatically bad? That seems like a bizarre criterion. The comic being about Apple products doesn't affect its quality; the joke is plenty terrible on its own merits. Also, smugness is your issue with Apple? Not the company's use of third-world slave labor or the dubious quality of their products? That's a little skewed. That's sort of like how Randy accepts most of Ayn Rand's horrible philosophy, but then complains that she advocates being an asshole. You're complaining about a completely superficial issue.

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    6. If I buy an Apple product, people won't care that I've supported third-world slave labor because it doesn't personally affect them, I might not have known I was doing so, what company doesn't use slave labor etc. However, they *will* lump me in with the smug hipster assholes who buy Apple products, affecting my reputation and having a tangible negative impact on my life as conmen see that I'm a dupe who will pay twice what something's worth if you place it in a sleek enough package, shy goateed men awkwardly trying to hit on me, xkcdfags use it as an excuse to reference this comic (see previous point) and so on. Thus, when considering the effects it will actually have on my life, it is the smugness and other personality traits associated with mactards that is a substantive issue and Apple's use of slave labor that is superficial. QED ipso facto smilodon fatalis.

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    7. Japan isn't a third world nation, it's a nation that happens to have low workplace standards. There's a difference. Americans wants the same sort of standards themselves, judging by their political media. Are you saying America wants to join the third world? That's fucking offensive. America is the king of all worlds, a cut above the rest and a class of its own, and always will be.

      Delete
    8. yes america will rule forever

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    9. Japan. Wat? You mean China? Racist

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    10. Stop confusing Japan and China, 11:13, you fucking racist. Japan has abysmal workplace standards, as the suicide rate confirms.

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    11. Stop confusing China and Japan, 1:30, you fucking racist. China has abysmal workplace standards, as the suicide rate confirms.

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    12. Last time / \ battled \ /, a fat man made one go X X. This makes us two strokes in debt, so the other is due treatment.

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    13. @2:47 it''s not either/or, is it. and what 4:14 said. and xkcd is shit because it says apple is cool, not cos it mentions apple. if it said 'all apple naming conventions are so much pretentious pseudo-cutesy wank' then it would be less shit

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    14. weaselsoup, stop being so diplomatic. All Apple product users should immediately and without exception be ostracised. If you find someone is using an Apple product while you are talking to or dealing with them then you should immediately tell them that you are ending the conversation because they have an Apple product. Then you should walk away.

      It is like people who dislike cats. Someone who likes cats isn't necessarily good, but someone who dislikes cats is definitely evil and should immediately be avoided at all costs.

      Delete
    15. you say that, & it's a noble code to live by, but in practice it means not being able to to talk to or work with anyone. sadly, apple products are like xkcd. every-fucking-where.

      cat-haters, though, yeah, no compromise there. i would go further & suggest they should be reported, rounded up & fed to tigers. since someone who doesn't like cats is almost certainly a sopciopath that would be no loss to society

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    16. 1:30: Apple doesn't use Japanese labor

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  24. As soon as I read "leopard" I came and started lactating

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  25. As soon as I read "lactating" I came and started leopard.

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  26. This site is a fake! Its true motive is to promote XKCD, which gets all the more hits because of the fine work done here! Nice job all.

    troll.

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  27. I wish I knew how to make weaselsoup love me. :(

    ReplyDelete
  28. You just need to use your tounge more.

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    Replies
    1. Your mom needs to use her tounge more.

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    2. WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST SAY ABOUT MY MOM FUCKER???!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Delete
    3. He said nothing about your father --er, "MOM FUCKER" as you say.

      Delete
    4. Your leopard needs to use her "tounge" more.

      Delete
  29. package contained os x bobcat

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  30. I think xkcd is a lot like "Henry." Both are hilariously funny and ingenious, but in both cases it takes very enlightened people to "get" them. Fortunately, people that are that enlightened are very tolerant.

    I think learning to meditate would help a lot, too.

    Henry: http://www.seattlepi.com/comics-and-games/fun/henry/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then why do most people "get" xkcd? We're in the minority here. Are you saying most people are very enlightened? You're certainly not, you knuckle-dragging Chomskyhonk

      Delete
    2. I think xkcd is a lot like Marion Delgado. Both are hilariously unfunny and retarded, but in both cases it takes very homosexual people to "get" them. Fortunately, people that are that homosexual are very gay.

      I think learning to lactate would help a lot, too.

      Delete
    3. You're wrong. Randall's jokes aren't super hard to understand. They're just shitty. Seriously. I "get" all of his terrible, terrible jokes. It's very XKCD of you to whine that people "just don't get his brilliant humor!" Tell me -- what concept of engineering was the "wow that guy has TWO HATS" comic based on? Self-righteous dickhead.

      Delete
    4. What does self-righteous mean?

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    5. It means smug

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    6. I think 'self-righteous' is a lot like 'Leopard-milk fetishizer'. Both can be hilariously applied to Randy in both funny and ingenious ways, but in both cases it takes very enlightened people to 'get' them. Fortunately, people who are very enlightened think Marion Delgado has a chick's name and smells of wee.

      Delete
  31. I cannot for the life of me figure out #1056, can someone clue me in? And in the alt text he says that the saber toothed cat has a badass name, but in the graph it's arranged to be equally as cool as housecat? What the fuck is going on. Dick. Shit. Fuck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the coolness of the name is meant to be only in comparison to those of the same genus, which i suppose makes it closer to a table than a graph (?)

      Delete
    2. I think the overall 'joke' is that OS X is going to run out of cool names of cats soon.

      Delete
    3. How on earth is 'lion' cooler than 'snow leopard'? Anything with snow in its name is clearly cooler. 'snow frog' is cooler than anything else on the list for that reason alone.
      In fact, how the hell do you judge the coolness of a name when it's pretty much only cool because of the animal associated with it?

      Delete
  32. So what? Smilodon fatalis is the only member of that genus? If it's a table, why are there axes? Why would you need to create such a table anyway? Is he implying that Apple is committed to moving only a single space on this table? Anyway, what is wrong with the names "Cougar", "Ocelot", and "Sabertooth"? Those are awesome! I hate macs, but I would totally buy "Sabertooth." There is no joke here. Not like, there's a really bad joke that barely counts as one, as in he hasn't told a joke. Not "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "*something out of place*" absurdist, metahumor, but "Knock knock" "I'm not really in the mood for a joke now" "OK, sorry."

    Oh, and fuck you, Randall. "Dracorex Hogwartsia" is not an awesome Latin name. It is not awesome, and it is not Latin. It combines the two worst things: first, the annoying tendency of scientists to, whenever they are presented with a new discovery, to name it something stupid to be cute. Cut that shit out, it makes us all look fucking terrible. I do not want to have to study "Xenodes" and "Gabriellions" because you're a fucking retard who doesn't take science seriously. Second, is the goddam "Harry Potter is awesome" youth fetishizing thing where a story written for fifth graders about a rich kid who fucks up the lives of everyone around him is somehow close to you very adult heart. It may be funny, but it is not "awesome" just because it references a story that I read in middle school. It might be acceptable for some one to joke about naming it after some Harry Potter thing, but it is not "awesome" that someone decided that the scientific record is a high school bookbag to be bedazzled with band logos and movie quotes instead of a descriptive account of natural phenomena.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bored, are we? Time to stop overanalyzing a small comic, move out of mom's basement, get a life, and move on.

      Delete
    2. Mom's basement? How original. Who even has a basement, in this economy?

      Delete
    3. I have three basements. (Ya I know, I should learn to share.)

      Delete
    4. To be fair, Harry didn't start out as a rich kid.

      To be hair, Fairy didn't cart out as a rich STD.

      Who even cares, Merry didn't start out as the friend of a rich kid.

      Delete
    5. Harry isn't a rich kid for all of a hundred pages

      Fairy isn't a kitsch Yid for a fall of the wondered sages

      Delete
    6. Cougar has unfortunate associations with horny middle-aged women. Sabertooth will attract too many extinction jokes*. And no one has heard of Ocelots.

      Why has no one suggested OS X Manticore yet? Manticores are Bad-ASS!

      *Implying that OS X (formerly Mac OS X) isn't going to go extinct anyway as Apple brings us further into the 'post-PC' world with toy computers such as the iPhone and iPad

      Delete
    7. Also, I don't know what Randall wasthinking. Smilodon is not a badass name, because it sounds like 'smiley don'. For the same reason, I can't take Kony seriously because it sounds too much like 'pony'. He should just do the honorable thing and change his name to Hitler.

      Delete
    8. I don't see how associations with horny middle aged women could be in any way unfortunate

      Delete
  33. I am three basements

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  34. What's a pederast, Walter?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shhh. Don't worry about what names people call your uncle. He loves you very much.

      Delete
  35. I think I'd punch him in the face anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  36. "this may sound like a joke"

    haha, silly randall, nothing on xkcd sounds like a joke

    ReplyDelete
  37. xkcd 1056: It's like an argument my white trash uncles perpetually have with each other in comic form!

    xkcd 1057: in which randall educated me on what "klout" is. Also I totally thought he said "prison" rather than "person".

    I think the joke is slightly funnier then.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why are your white trash uncles arguing about Apple products? Man, what the internet has done

      Delete
  38. As if Randall deserves any more reasons to be punched in the face...

    ReplyDelete
  39. Klout is little different from that Google Facebook wannabe thing, so basically we have permission to pummel Randall to death, right? Well, I'm going to pummel Randall to death the moment I see him anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Klout computes how much influence you have (in social media). Justin Bieber has the highest score.

      Delete
    2. Social media computes how much influence you don't have (over things that matter). Justin Bieber has the highest score.

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    3. Breathalyzers compute how much influence you're under (so do blood tests). Justin Bieber has the highest whore.

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    4. The GREs test aptitude for the continuation of studies at the postgraduate level. Justin Bieber has the highest score

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    5. I've written an algorithm to compute which topics are most likely to come up in this comment thread. Justin Bieber has the highest score.

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    6. Time was that a detailed examination of your three+ year performance at undergrad level was considered a good measure of whether you'd succeed at postgrad level. But now idiot Asperger scientists have decided that the determination can be reduced to a stupid picture and word-matching test. No wonder most people are so fucking useless at their jobs.

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    7. Wait, you really know places that will accept grad students with a shitty undergrad degree based on good GRE scores? Where are these magical places. In my experience, they just use it as an excuse to throw you on the shitpile. Justin Bieber has the highest score

      Delete
  40. Good job, Randy; you've managed to present a teenage girl's Facebook post as a comic.

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  41. guys, i'm curious what all your fetishes are. personally i like orgasm control. come on, don't be shy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. my fetish is to grow cruel through what started as self-imposed isolation from society

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    2. orgasm control? i do that every time i masturbate, or don't masturbate. i achieve orgasm by masturbating. if i don't want an orgasm, i don't masturbate. dude, this is like masturbation 101.

      masturbation.

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    3. i mean letting someone else control my orgasms :)

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    4. you mean they tell you when to masturbate? can't you ignore their instructions? or are you a double amputee?

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    5. Anonymous, but one of this blog's regular postersMay 18, 2012 at 2:15 PM

      I kinda have a thing for magical transformations, you know like guy to girl, girl to mermaid. If you really want to turn me on then transform yourself into a human-tree hybrid and made hot leafy love to me in an enchanted forest.

      And for that reason I will be forever alone.

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    6. i like feet and pee. pee on feet is also acceptable.

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    7. For the past fourteen years I've been obsessively fantasising about consensual sexual relations with another person, preferably a woman. I might try it one day, it sounds nice.

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    8. 2:54, when you commit rape, do you imagine that they're consenting?

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    9. I want to be vigorously bummed by a shemale. A hot shemale, that is, one that isn't obviously just a dude with tits.

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    10. I have a fetish for stick figures. Deal with it.

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    11. 5:10, the fact that they're bumming you will make their dudeness fairly "obvious".

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  42. Hey, weaselsoup, I'm in Sussex - you can't be far. Fancy meeting up for a drink tonight?

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  43. Consider yourself linked to that xkcd white knightery about being sleazy just because somebody on the internet happens to be female.

    (that oughtta help me get in her pants)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah, sorry. honesty is bad. i meant "weaselsoup i am not interested in going on a date with you but respect you as a human and think that your gender is smarter than mine".

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    2. although i do respect weaselsoup as a human. she seems to express rage at all the correct things and has the necessary level of culture to make her company more than acceptable.

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    3. Hey, 2:21, I'm in Sussex - you can't be far. Fancy meeting up for a drink tonight?

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    4. Sure, 5:01. Folk like you may put the sus in Sussex, but I'm willing to meet halfway and add the sex.

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  44. Dear weaselsoup please post pics of yourself so we can confirm that you are Female. thank you for your cooperation.

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  45. Concur with 2:23. weaselsoup, please please us.

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  46. Don't you hate it when the walls of your urethra get stuck together and two streams of pee shoot out in random directions?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually consider it a rather interesting phenomenon-

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    2. 3:51, I consider it interesting that I hoped you were female and could make a video.

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    3. What, so girls are too stupid to make videos or something?

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    4. I think we can all agree that girls are dumb and weird and nobody understands them.

      "foronmn xamnsh" ~ possible name of new Joss Whedon character?

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    5. Anon 3:51, I know all too well how you feel. Eventually the risk got so great for me that I had to swallow my pride and pee sitting down.

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    6. I think the pertinent question is: why do you Americans still welcome Jewish genital mutilation?

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    7. Hey, don't let the jews take all the credit for it. Circumcision is also a Muslim tradition.

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    8. Nothing wrong with circumcision but we do need more female circumcision because it's not fair that so many girls miss out.

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    9. yeah Spartacus but it happens in the USA because of the influence of the wily international jew not obama bin laden

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