[Today's guest review comes from noted monster "R". -Ed.]
1345: I bet Randall says 'touché' in real-life. R-
Saturday, March 22, 2014
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"[a] vitriolic and bitter collection of unwarranted nastiness about a silly and harmless comic."
Welcome. This is a website called XKCD SUCKS which is about the webcomic xkcd and why we think it sucks. My name is Carl and I used to write about it all the time, then I stopped because I went insane, and now other people write about it all the time. I forget their names. The posts still seem to be coming regularly, but many of the structural elements - like all the stuff in this lefthand pane - are a bit outdated. What can I say? Insane, etc.
I started this site because it had been clear to me for a while that xkcd is no longer a great webcomic (though it once was). Alas, many of its fans are too caught up in the faux-nerd culture that xkcd is a part of, and can't bring themselves to admit that the comic, at this point, is terrible. While I still like a new comic on occasion, I feel that more and more of them need the Iron Finger of Mockery knowingly pointed at them. This used to be called "XKCD: Overrated", but then it fell from just being overrated to being just horrible. Thus, xkcd sucks.
Here is a comic about me that Ann made. It is my favorite thing in the world.
What a bizarre and ridiculous ad hominem attack.
ReplyDeleteNo, this is a bizarre and ridiculous ad hominem attack.
DeleteNo u
ReplyDeletefirst
ReplyDeletelast
ReplyDeleteyou fool
DeleteI still want my rights and duties on my property, À la recherche du cunts perdu.
DeleteAfter all, we don't want a tragedy of the commons here now do we?
You're a tragedy of the commons.
DeleteAnd no. It is my property.
rob's span of time between releases is almost as long as tool's at this point
ReplyDeleteis funy cos hes a tool heyo burn
DeleteDear oh dear.
ReplyDeleteAnd to think. I just posted a concatenate of the comment section from
http://xkcdsucks.blogspot.ca/2012/07/comics-1083-1086-fuck-you-im-on-vacation.html
only two hours ago. That is really scary.
I'll be posting this one on Friday, next
http://xkcdsucks.blogspot.ca/2009/12/comic-677-assholes.html
I've about 300 new posts on ALT-F since you went teats-up last October. It seemed the existence of a live xkcdsucks was a drag on my creativity.
Yank-fucks, Brit-fucks and Canuck-fucks are banned from my blog, so don't even bother.
Hi Kittens!
Rob?
Ann Apolis?
How's things?
I had to shut the blog down for the good of humanity and etc. After all, 300 blog posts is far preferable to 300 blog comments. So I killed it, without malice or warning. After a few days I stopped hearing the cuddlefish begging for mercy, and after a few weeks their cries stopped. I wonder where they are now. I wonder if they have discovered life after xkcdsucks. Is it even possible?
DeleteI imagine they must all be trapped like I am, because the alternative is accepting that I am alone in an uncaring blog.
Your post on lollerskates was truly inspiring, by the by.
The Lollerskates comes from here
Deletehttp://johnnylollerskates.blogspot.ca/
Funny stuff, this blog.
Read these three posts of mine if you haven't time for the rest of the shite.
Real life shit. I'm not just a cunt on the Internet.
http://aquarianslovetofuck.blogspot.ca/2014/01/fucking-with-telemarketers.html
http://aquarianslovetofuck.blogspot.ca/2014/02/the-price-i-pay-for-fucking-with.html
http://aquarianslovetofuck.blogspot.ca/2014/02/final-final-update.html
I'd've coded for live links but I can't be arsed.
You are never alone, Rob, you are always in my fucking prayers.
Don't you get it? There is no life after Xkcdsucks. There's just nothing. Not even blackness. Nothing.
DeleteI had to shut de blog down for de jammin ah humanity an' etc. After all, 300 blog post dem be far preferable to 300 blog comment dem. So I killed it, widdout malice or warning. After a few days I stopped hearing de cuddlefish begging for mercy, an' after a few Curator of Faces dey bawls stopped. I wonder weh dey be now. I wonder if dey have discovered life after xkcdsucks. y be even possible?
DeleteI imagine dey must all be trapped like I be, because de alternative be accepting dat I be alone in an uncaring blog.
you post pon lollerskates was truly inspiring, by de by.
Oh and I forgot Anonymous r, nigga and the eructing Blrp,
ReplyDeleteFuck off, cunts.
Cuddle? Cuddle?!
DeleteDid you get soft in our absence, ALT-F?
Is that why you are just cuddling now?
I tend to get deleted and banned less often with the Cuddle epithet.
DeleteWhat can I say? I'm needy.
all of us fall on harsh times sometimes, kitten
DeleteCare to talk about it?
DeleteIf I am anything, I am empathetic.
i love you too
Deletei never post here, but i still enjoy reading rob's reviews
don't hate
I was making a joke about penises.
Deleteit's all he can do anymore. times are tough.
DeleteThough my clitoris is prehensile and could be mistaken as a standard Yankee penis, I am still a proud member of the mammalian homogametic sex - or heterogametic sex if you consider me to be avian in nature.
DeleteIf your clit is prehensile, you'll put down your pencil and have yourself a squat on the cosmic utensil.
DeleteThis is where Rob and Carl garnered their courage and inspiration. Assuming, of course, xkcdsuckx was born after December 27, 2008 - or was stillborn prior to that date.
ReplyDeletehttp://johnnylollerskates.blogspot.ca/2008/12/xkcd-webcomic-of-smarm-pretentiousness.html
I stole my courage from a frat boy outside my house. I killed him and I ate his heart.
DeleteI've never had inspiration, just the ability to feign enthusiasm.
The Tutor was/is a Fraternity Boy and as such he has no heart, so stop fucking lying!
DeleteAnd it's Fraternity, not frat! Have some respect. I mean really, would you call a country a cunt?
yes.
DeleteOf course you would. How silly of me.
DeleteAre you connected to Johnny Lollerskates in any way? That Asian guy there is quite witty. I'm liberating his dross wholesale as we speak. I might change the pronouns, but hey, what difference could it make?
When people ask me if I know of or am connected to someone these days I have been increasingly reluctant to give a straightforward "no" even if I've never heard of these people. I don't think I am a Johnny Lollerskater, but you never know. (Well, maybe YOU do.)
DeleteYour riposte above has given me pause. After some research, it appears lollerskates is an extant Pop Culture neologism - albeit dated. I did not know this.
DeleteI also discovered the cacophemism, Lollercaust, in my travels through Moron-Meme-Land.
Well fuck me from behind with the entire Internet, but I am so glad I did not even discover that there was an Internet until I was 22 - and did not access it until four years after that. All this Tribal language to determine membership like a school yard clique
I just can't imagine having to parse my concept of reality to include this shite. I envy The Tutor, and all Baby Boomers. For them the Internet is a tool - usually for malfeasance. For people my age, and those younger, the Internet IS reality.
I am lucky to have originated in a backward, fuct-up country which Rob would refer to as a cunt.
"Well fuck me from behind with the entire Internet"
DeleteI am so going to start using that phrase.
I am what you would call a "digital native" if you were a particular variety of insufferable douchebag, but I am by nature an unlikable and cynical curmudgeon, so as the internets advanced, so too did my alienation. In recent years I have been entirely baffled by things that seem obvious to those of my age group. Why do people have opinions on "selfies"? Why does that word even exist?
DeleteI often dream of a world without the internet. But without the internet how would people know about my propensity to drop the last syllable from the word country? These are important questions.
I personally adore the Internet. Before I was made aware of its existence only a select few knew I was a cunt(1). Now all of humanity can know it!
DeleteHow so?
Simply because my cuntishness is an eminently knowable quantity. A selfie would only detract from this essential Truth - I's too cute to be a cunt and the resultant dissonance would engender apoplexy.
(1) A cunt is a person who is not only by nature and nurture an unlikable and cynical curmudgeon, but also one by druthers.
I be wa you would call a "digital native" if you were a particular variety ah insufferable douchebag, but I be by nature an unlikable an' cynical curmudgeon, so as de internet dem advanced, so too did me alienation. In recent years I done be entirely baffled by ting dem dat seem obvious to dem ah me age group. Why do people dem have opinions pon "selfies"? Why does dat word even exist?
DeleteI often headache with pictures ah a world widdout de internet. But widdout de internet how would people dem know about me propensity to drop de last syllable from de word country? dese be important questions.
hello
ReplyDeleteno fuck off
Deleteno u
Deletegays
ReplyDeleteI have not been able to interpret these comics for 5 months. Thank you for returning to us with your enlightening comments.
ReplyDeletenp dude
DeleteCunt betokens cunt.
ReplyDeleteAsk yourself, “Am I a thixotropic cunt or a rheopectic one?”
Or are you just a fucking sciolistic dilatants like me?
And why the fuck has XKCD not considered this in any of its comics to date?
I guess I'm thixotropic, as my dictionary doesn't include the other one. It hardly matters, as cunts are better stirred, not shaken, in any case.
DeleteThat word is spelled "diluent," by the way.
xkcd may not have addressed the question directly, but it is clearly one of the driving themes of the entire body of work. You shouldn't expect everything to be spelled out like some sort of inane graph.
rheopectic is basically the opposite of thixotropic, and 'dilatant' is correct.
Deletehth kthxbai
Anonymous March 29, 2014 at 6:01 PM corrected,
Delete".......That word is spelled "diluent," by the way......."
The word, diluent is spelt diluent. I chose to use the near-synonym dilatent to proffer a near-homophone double entendre to prompt in the reader's mind the word dilettante. The addition of the adjectival modifier sciolistic should have provided the necessary indicant.
Perhaps you live an intellectually diluent lifestyle?
Well, I do now.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDouché
ReplyDeleteClose the thread down. We have a winner.
DeleteGuys, I did the Lorenzo thing for xkcd and every time it wanted me to suggest a line I said xkcdsucks.blogspot.com. It was really funny because I can just imagine Randall rolling his eyes and dismissing the suggestions. Just imagine that!
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
DeleteThat being said I think I'll go do that now.
DeleteRob, why don't you sell the blog? Sell it on Ebay, make some cash, get some hype?
ReplyDeleteBigger J?
DeleteWhy don't you just fuck off?
Why I Hare Caucasoids
ReplyDeletehttp://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cqQ7YFLCBho/Uz8TL8ysR9I/AAAAAAAAAmo/cbueVcq8544/s1600/kg26.jpg
This little, presumably Igbo, boy lived and died, apparently within hours of being photographed by Kent Gavin, about 10 years before I was even born.
Fucking filthy Caucasoids caused this.
I first saw this photograph some 30 years after it was taken. Since then, I have been indirectly responsible for the deaths of at least 12 Caucasoids in The Canadas and perhaps upper New York State.
I was directly responsible, or at least I like to think I was, for the suicide of a wimpy Yankee cunt whose affections I courted and then maliciously spurned.
I am also very, VERY, responsible for the horrible disfiguring of two hapless Australian backpacker losers who made the mistake of seeking me out for emergency suturing to close their otherwise self-inflicted and easily-flawlessly-repaired-by-a-nice-person-who-gave-a-shite facial contusions.
I made a right mess of it, I surely did. What do you expect though? I'm Asian, what do we know about proper cosmetic surgery?
Hare?
DeleteNyuck! Now that's a Freudian slip!
ok seriously what are you babbling about?
DeleteYou don't know Anonymous April 7, 2014 at 1:15 AM?
DeleteOh dear, you must be a terrible burden on your loved ones.
I am very depressed. I just learned that poor Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof has carked it.
ReplyDeleteHeavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, Little Pixie and Fifi Trixibelle are equally upset, one would assume.
I reckon that Kitten cunt had summat to do with it - both being in Brit-fuck-land and all.
i feel neglected :(
DeleteI thought you liked Mondays? As we know, The Kitten wants to shoot the whole day down.
Delete