Sunday, September 16, 2012

Comics 1106-1108: Spooky Shit, Man

1106. My favorite part about this one is the alt-text, where Randy implies that "focusing on one thing to the detriment of all others" is the same thing as having ADD. Go fuck yourself, Randy. F

1107. The Tweet in the alt-text is longer than 140 characters. The service described is also indescribably sad. The joke is also pathetically unfunny. D-

1108. Eh, not bad. B-

186 comments:

  1. B-?!?!?! 1108 was literally a steaming pile of shit!

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    1. I mean it wasn't some clever reference I missed, right? Just that people who mince over the world literally aren't changing the world ... haha?

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    2. He didn't took butterfly effect into account. That's unnerdy.

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    3. @1:24: You're not supposed to take the butterfly effect literally.

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  2. I find it amusing that Randy of all people finds it annoying when people asp out over misusing "literally." He pulls that shit all the time and thinks it's so hysterical that he writes a comic about it.

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  3. i literally your review

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  4. please link to the comics in the posts so i dont have to go find them myself

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    1. here is a bookmark that automatically turns all 4 digit numbers into xkcd links. don't copy the outside quotes.

      "javascript:(function(){var skipTags={'a':1,'style':1,'script':1,'iframe':1};var findKW=function(el,term,replFn){var child,tag;for(var i=el.childNodes.length-1;i>=0;i--){child=el.childNodes[i];if(child.nodeType==1){tag=child.nodeName.toLowerCase();if(!(tag in skipTags)){findKW(child,term,replFn);}}else if(child.nodeType==3){replaceKW(child,term,replFn);}}};var replaceKW=function(text,term,replFn){var match,matches=[];while(match=term.exec(text.data)){matches.push(match);}
      for(var i=matches.length-1;i>=0;i--){match=matches[i];text.splitText(match.index);text.nextSibling.splitText(match[1].length);text.parentNode.replaceChild(replFn(match[1]),text.nextSibling);}};findKW(document.body,new RegExp('\\b([0-9]{4})\\b','g'),function(match){var link=document.createElement('a');link.href='http://xkcd.com/'+match;link.target='_blank';link.innerHTML=match;return link;});}());"

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  5. Why would you have things going off in your refrigerator when you don't even cook? Maybe I just don't understand the shopping habits of people who don't know how to look after themselves, but everything in my refrigerator is either milk or destined to be part of a cooked meal.

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  6. Why don't we make this blog about Islam? I'm jealous that some shitty film maker was able to incense so many people while the xkcd fans don't even care about us anymore. I want to piss people off again.

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    Replies
    1. Obama,

      Obama,

      We love Osama

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    2. Better to make it about atheism, you would get 666 metric fucktons of angry zealots ranting in the comment section, yet you wouldn't have to worry about any of them blowing you up.

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    3. man, trolling atheists is so beautifully fun

      maybe we can change the blog URL to atheismsucks

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    4. Atheism is simply the unfounded belief that there is no god.

      It's more stupid than theism because at least that doesn't counter the principle of causality.

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    5. Sure, because as we all know, deities need not be created. Technically consistent with causality since physical laws don't apply to them. (<sarcasm)

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    6. That's exactly right, yes. Causality demands that everything was the result of something before. Causality itself was created by something indistinguishable from a deity.

      The trouble with scientists is that they assume nothing can exist outside of logic, instead of acknowledging that certain statements ("there is no god") are non-scientific.

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    7. But if we can postulate that something, whatever it is, didn't need to be created, then why not postulate that causality didn't need to be created?

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    8. We can ignore Occam's razor and postulate lots of exceptions to make the world seem closer to how we would like it to be.

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    9. Yes, we can. Occam's razor is only capable of determining probability, after all, not absolute truth.

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    10. Occam's Razor is not capable of determining probability. It is a heuristic that dictates best practice when establishing the precedence of competing hypotheses. It concretely determines nothing, really.

      Also, what is this absolute truth?

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    11. @9:11: I don't see how saving us the trouble of postulating a "deity" -- whatever is meant by that -- goes against Occam's razor. Quite the contrary if you ask me. I'm skipping an unnecessary intermediate step.

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    12. All scientific methods are only capable of determining probability, but when probability goes way above 99% percent we simply consider it an absolute truth for the sake of practicality.

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    13. Absolute truth something atheists believe they have a solid grasp of regarding religion, often citing Occam's razor as evidence.

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    14. "All scientific methods are only capable of determining probability"

      Again, this is a misconception. We do not assign probability to scientific laws, since they (by definition) invariably have the trivial probability 1 (or are promptly discarded).

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    15. Jesus was a misconception, but Mary blamed it on God so Joseph didn't think she was sleeping around.

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    16. Joseph was a misconception, but God blamed it on Mary so Jesus didn't think He was sleeping around.

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    17. As Anon@5:36, I just wanted to thank Rob for the initial invitation. If there were a Z(ealotry) parameter, I think Internet Atheism would have a Z at least one order of magnitude higher than Christianity.

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    18. As Anon 5:55, I just wanted to point out that I actually am not an atheist.

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    19. 5:42 is a dirty atheist in denial.

      Go back to the Richard Dawkins evangelism forums, you dirty atheist.


      It has occurred to me of late that any god with even a smattering of omnisciency is not remotely interested in chancing his or her hand at even the most popular games involving dice. Not only is God not a supporter of quantum theory and its seeming randomness, but evidently, not to keen on the dice driven role playing games of the 80s either. In particular, I refer to Gods astounding lack of interest in the exciting (although somewhat stigmatized) game - Dungeons and Dragons. Surely this is a missed opportunity on the behalf of the gods to learn effective ways of convincing man of their existence?
      Dungeons and Dragons has developed the perfect formula for eradicating in-game atheism - bestow significant powers on the player character who chose to play as clerics. In fact, to my knowledge a D&D game never arose in which a skeptical foe voiced doubt as to the existence of a high level clerics deity. That unbeliever was simply destroyed in a vengeful pillar of holy fire and his charred body plundered for gold.
      What an exciting explosion in the ordained numbers there would be if deities began bestowing actual powers on their spokesmen. The local minister could maybe be capable of minor miracles, ie he should be able to perform the equivalent of a holy "bruise-be-gone" prayer or "open-locked-rectory-door-if-keys-are-lost" . The pope on the other hand should be granted some really serious powers. he by right should be able to call up the holy spirit for several minutes to terrify whole nations a la the Staypuff Marshmallow Man.
      I can only imagine that atheism in the real world would vaporize overnight if during a routine service the addressing cleric, in a moment of rage, called forth a torrent of briny death to smite those members of the congregation whose charity was deemed insufficient following the passing of the contributions plate. Thats just good religion.

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  7. You really have no better life than this?

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    1. it's hard to top this mang

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    2. My self-esteem would be affected by your comment if I didn't knew you were just as much a no lifer as any of us.

      Delete
  8. poor Rob. the Sisyphean task of reviewing this shitey webcomic. every time you publish a review there's already a new xkcd sitting there like a pile of shite that someone has sculpted into the shape of a malevolent toad, going, hah. you can never be up to date.

    the fridge thing is fucking stupid. are those conveyor belts? but then they'd have to move the stuff upwards. wouldn't it make more sense for things to move downwards towards the 'bad' section. there. I have spent more time thinking about this than Munroe did, and he's probably made more selling t-shirts while I've typed this than i will earn today.

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    1. If I may be so bold, maybe the fridge has multiple conveyors that move at different speeds, so you'd put something with a shelf-life of 2 weeks on the bottom conveyor, and at the end of 2 weeks it just reaches the edge of the conveyor and drops off?

      But anyway, it still is stupid; everyone knows that vegetables, which keep for days at most, should be put in the bottom section (i.e. the crisper), not the top.

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    2. Come now, 3:56, Randall has never cooked. He is like my retired uncle's partner, who - faced with an illness in the family - had to confess that she did not know how to switch on the stove in her own home. Except at least she was an accomplished academic who excelled in her albeit narrow field, whereas Randall is a useless (TV dinner) eater.

      Also the thing with shortest shelf life, milk, would be placed by me in the only location which doesn't have a conveyor.

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    3. Most of my vegetables last for at least two weeks. Where do you buy yours, 3:56?

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    4. in b4 Thatcher "and the vegetables" joke

      anyone?

      philistines

      Hey, weaselsoup, how is Larry?

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    5. Oh my god. An ideal refrigerator is essentially a perfect engine run backwards, which can't exist because it violates the second law of thermodynamics which states that you can't have any perfect transfer of energy without some being converted into heat. So Randall saying that his "Ideal Refrigerator" is one that dumps the bad food out automatically is just a play one the definition of the term in physics. Its actually a really clever comic if you have a basic understanding of the concepts involved. Just like most of Randall's comics.

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    6. 10:44, I don't understand why that makes it clever. You'll have to explain to me more carefully.

      Start off by explaining how a refrigerator is "essentially a perfect engine run backwards". Go on to describing how this system dumps bad food 1) out 2) ideally.

      Assume you are talking to a mathematics postgrad who took lots of physics and who has also been taught how to cook well by a professional chef (and loving partner). Thanks.

      Delete
  9. todays goatkcd is p. great

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  10. I find it implausible that Randall earns (and I use that word loosely) enough money to be able to afford to waste food.

    Or to be able to afford a fridge.

    He is a Trustafarian, right?

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  11. I'm surprised you didn't comment on the awful post-punchline dialogue in 1108.

    Guy: They looked exactly the same.
    Ghost: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    Guy: OK, I get it.
    Ghost: Seriously, this is duuuuumb.

    What purpose could the last two lines (especially the last one) have in a joke???

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    1. I wonder, do you feel cool now that you've basically told us "I have no understanding whatsoever of basic humor"? Not saying it's the funniest thing in the world (pretty sure I found the comic bad), but denying that these two lines (especially the last one) rely on well-known humoristic devices is just mind-blowingly stupid.

      And by that I mean: "are you an aspie".

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    2. tl;dr Only aspies don't understand why PPD is funny amirite 8:20?

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    3. I don't get why PPD should always be bad for one thing. If something adds to the hilarity in a hilariously hilarious way, then what's the problem with it exactly. I think it's just one of these things xkcdsucks people like seeing actually, because they can recognize it. It's like one of the few words you can decipher when you start learning how to read. "Hmmm? Isn't that...

      A POST PUNCHLINE DIALOGUE???"

      Yup! Yup, haha, you really did see it! Good boy! :D But has it ever occured to you that some people might actually find it, y'know, funny? As in, "it was already pretty good as is, but this just tops it off"? Or are you some kind of NO EXTRA LAUGH!! nazi?

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    4. tl;dr "I don't get why PPD should always be bad." [plus a bundle of PPD]

      captcha: dicturds. No argument there, captcha generator.

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  12. the fridge one was good. first one in a while i've thought was clever and interesting (not funny, though it's not really supposed to be "funny").

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    1. It only looks clever until you realize that the conveyors would break the convection system inside the fridge and thus FUBAR the refrigeration.

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    2. That's why it's an 'ideal', not a 'reality'.

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  13. i have shits and migraine so much pain

    cheer me up w/ randall demise hatefic please

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    Replies
    1. RANDALL DIED THE END

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    2. thank you. much better now.

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  14. Jon Levi, do you have drawings of any other parts of your body? I'd like to see more of you.

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  15. "......The service described is also indescribably sad. The joke is also pathetically unfunny....."

    I challenge you to write a lovely review that does not expressly depend on the extreme use of that inane rhetorical device known as the 'emotive adjective' for once in your fuckingly bathetic life.

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    1. I challenge you to write a lovely comment that does not expressly depend on the extreme use of that inane linguistic device known as the 'adverb-i-shat-out-just-now' for once in your fuckingly bathetic life.

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    2. None of the adjectives there were emotive, love.

      I prefer the pre-Moffat ALTF. Although this one displays certain dark, angry strengths (weaknesses?), its range is much narrower.

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    3. My life is 'pathetic' not bathetic!
      Get it right ya cunt!

      'pre-Moffat ALTF'?!??!!!?????!!!!!!!!

      And yes, the '?' and '!' are in a Fibonacci sequence. So fuck off!

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    4. sad is an emotive (and, contextually, evaluative) adjective you moron. i swear to god this forum is nothing but a gargantuan circle jerk of smug dickwads and humblebrag attention whores.

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    5. "once in your fuckingly bathetic life"

      "My life is 'pathetic' not bathetic!
      Get it right ya cunt!"

      yes. yes, you're right.

      Delete
    6. Anonymous September 18, 2012 7:22 AM said,

      ".....sad is an emotive (and, contextually, evaluative) adjective you moron......"

      True, but Rob did not use 'sad' as an adjective in his verbiage I quoted above you cuntbutlering moronic moron.

      Delete
    7. Well?

      What the fuck is a pre-Moffat ALTF?

      I gotsta know!

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    8. yes he did you assmunching cumbucket. "X is sad" contains the use of the predicative adjective "sad".

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    9. A modern "pathetic" prompts everything but pathos.

      And Anon@7:22 wins The Rt. Hon. Sir Dullard Cup for "most rude yet also stupid".

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    10. a pre-Moffat ALTF, you stink-draped sphincterhog, is a term to describe an ALTF existing in the time preceding Steven Moffat taking over Doctor Who, coined for no reason but that its author felt he was being quirky and cute by implying a causal relationship.

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    11. My educated guess is that it was alluding to Doctor Who. The current writer, Steven Moffat, writes dark episodes which all use the same plot and character devices, contrasting with the more upbeat and varied Russell T. Davies.

      tl;dr 7:13 is saying that you are getting kinda repetitive and have probably lost your joie de vivre.

      But it may just be that we have seen enough of the Empress to know that she is completely naked.

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    12. @7:35 "i don't know what 7:22 was saying but he sounds like a stupidhead and a meanie :(((("

      FTFY

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    13. "sad" is being used in the "inadequate or unfashionable" sense, cum-for-brains.

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    14. 7:40 Way to doppelgang bro.

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    15. @7:43: "i am 7:22 and i realise i was wrong but this is the internet so i would never admit my mistakes, even though i'm anon and it won't affect my reputation. i am so sad."

      FTFY

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    16. "sad" has no "inadequate or unfashionable" sense turdface, that is an extrapolation we make to explain why sadness is inspired.

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    17. 1934 J. O'Hara Appointment in Samarra iv. 102 There were certain sad birds among the girls... But it was also understood by every hostess that a popular, attractive young man should not be designated the escort of any but popular, attractive girls.

      1938 I. Edman Philosopher's Holiday 97 If you go in for that kind of thing, they think you're rather sad... Sad is..the opposite of tops.

      1989 ‘G. Naylor’ Red Dwarf 232 Do you really think I'm the sort of pathetic, sad, weasly kind of person who could get erotically aroused by looking at paintings of matronly breasts?

      1994 Guardian 9 Aug. ii. 12/4 They find that they are communicating with the kind of sad anorak-wearers they would never have encountered in real life.

      2001 Herald (Glasgow) (Nexis) 17 Mar. 62, I love rummaging, and used to list jumble sales as one of my hobbies. (Sad I know.)

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    18. hey idiot, maybe you want to read what i said again.

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    19. Done. All I got from it was confirmation that you're stupid.

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    20. clearly your capacity for nuance is on par with that of a lobotomized gerbil. the sadness inspired in the observer implies, but is not equivalent to, the inadequacy or unfashionableness of what or who they are examining. when we say something (say, your reading comprehension) is sad, we mean that it makes us sad i.e. the adjective sad applies to us. its cause is insadequacy, unfashionableness, or the raging fuckstickery of idiots, as the case may be. this is why sad is both an emotive and (loosely) evaluative adjective in the contexts described.

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    21. What a bunch of bullshit, Anon@8:06. When I say "you're sad", I don't mean that you make me sad - I mean that you're lame. If anything, I'm happier in the knowledge that I could potentially suck as hard as you do but don't.

      Anyway, "sad" likely comes from Latin satis, conveying satisfaction or enough-ness long before it carried an emotional sense. If you want to play the "it conveys the observer's state" card then a "sad" person is someone, like you, of which I have had enough.

      I am looking forward to using the words "hot" and "cool" in the teenage sense so you can tell me how hotness/coolness are respectively "inspired in the observer". I anticipate that you will cite Grease in that witnessing "cool" gives you "chills" which are "multiplying". Tell me about it, stud.

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    22. Thanks for the Moffat enlightenment.
      It is a sad day when I am excited about Dr. Who.

      Delete
    23. Anonymous September 18, 2012 7:33 AM said,

      ".....yes he did you assmunching cumbucket. "X is sad" contains the use of the predicative adjective "sad"....."

      Fuck off it does!
      We are talking about plain, unvarnished attributive adjectives here. Those fucking predicative adjective are a special case and their use is tantamount to having anal sex with a badger.

      Delete
    24. Anyone can become angry - that is easy.

      But to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy.


      "Easy" is both predicative and a summary of the challenge of outwitting Anon@7:22 et seq.

      Delete
    25. "durr sad = lame and so are you. far fetched bullshit about etymology of sad; rambling segue into half assed insult."

      frankly, i'm not sure why you had to pontificate on emotive and non-emotive adjectives if anything approaching linguistic complexity terrifies you.

      the fact that you need me to explain this to you is sad (hint: it actually isn't, it is pathetic and is making me sad). i am describing an emotion and an implicit value judgement here. when you say something is cool you literally mean just that. the adjective cool applies to the object.

      Delete
    26. Y yall so mad bout t grammarz?

      Delete
    27. Anonymous September 18, 2012 8:42 AM said,

      "......Anyone can become angry - that is easy......"

      Fuck off it is!
      You're obviously blissfully unaware of the incredibly complex cascade of neuro-transmitters that need be released to feign the level of outrage I portend.

      FUCK!

      Delete
    28. Anonymous September 18, 2012 8:48 AM said,

      Some useless crap devoid of capital letters where necessarily appropriate because he/she is one large, ignoramus-like cuntmango.

      "it is pathetic and is making me sad"

      Indeed!

      Delete
    29. Anon@8:48, if you disagree with the etymology of "sad" then you need to write to the editors of the OED &c., not whine at me. Maybe they'll give you a job?

      > i am describing an emotion and an implicit value judgement here. when you say something is cool you literally mean just that. the adjective cool applies to the object.

      I am cool but you are sad - both value judgements, or am I objectively cool?

      Delete
    30. 8:50, your anger ought to be directed at that country recently bankrupted by the trade policy of the Fourth Reich.

      Delete
    31. While "sad" in the "lame" sense appeared occasionally in late C19, it was popularised by cartoon "Sad Sack" bowdlerising military slang "sad sack of shit". This term refers to ineptitude, i.e. unsatisfying performance, and not sadness - "sad sack of shit" hardly evokes pathos, now, does it?

      Delete
    32. Anonymous September 18, 2012 8:58 AM said,

      "....I am cool but you are sad - both value judgements, or am I objectively cool?...."

      Please to define 'cool' objectively?
      Is not cool as it pertains to temperature relative?
      Is that not necessarily a subjective determination?

      Sad pseudo-cuntilectuals the both of you anonymous anal ring wranglers!

      Delete
    33. When ALTF calls others pseudo-intellectual, you know Hell has become cool.

      Delete
    34. Quiet, ALTF - men are talking.

      Delete
    35. "I am cool but you are sad - both value judgements, or am I objectively cool?"

      i suspect you do not possess the wherewithal to understand what i have been belaboring for several comments now but here is a last try.

      both are in fact value judgements, so you are correct there, but one is only implicitly so. when you say i am sad, you mean i make you sad, which is an emotive adjective as it applies to you, as well as an implicit value judgement of me, making it both an emotive and an evaluative adjective. the adjectives cool, big, uncouth etc. are descriptive and/or evaluative, since they do not describe an emotion.

      an emotive adjective is intended to describe an emotion provoked by something, regardless of what the copula is linking it to or what it is next to in attributive form. i do not even know why i wasted this much fucking time expounding on this but i hope you finally get it.

      Delete
    36. Sad can be understood to have two meanings as does the word 'poor'
      "The sad sad man."
      "The poor poor man."

      Q. E. fucking D.

      Delete
    37. > when you say i am sad, you mean i make you sad,

      You've said this at least eighty times. It is simply bullshit. You are not Propaganda Minister Herr Dr. Paul Joseph Goebbels. Saying it enough times won't make it true. The etymology of "sad" in the general and specific cases has been covered above.

      > and an evaluative adjective

      It's only this.

      > i do not even know why i wasted this much fucking time expounding on this

      Because you know you're wrong and are just trying to convince yourself.

      Delete
    38. clearly the victor is the one who asserts the contrary eighty one times.

      Delete
    39. Speaking of Goebbels, the Internet is full of so much shit but never what I want.

      Today I cannot find Wilhelm von Schütz als Dramatiker. Ein Beitrag zur Geschichte des Dramas der Romantischen Schule.

      Delete
    40. "......clearly the victor is the one....."

      'victor'?

      What the fuck?

      You are both losers - doncha see?

      Delete
    41. Oi, ALTF, get yer sugar daddy to buy this.

      Delete
    42. Using etymology to make a point about the modern use of a word is fucking stupid. This is why modern linguistics (that is, hm, linguistics) was born when Saussure dropped the diachronic approach.

      Delete
    43. Quiet, ALTF - men are talking.

      Delete
    44. ".....Today I cannot find Wilhelm von Schütz als Dramatiker. Ein Beitrag zur Geschichte des Dramas der Romantischen Schule....."

      There is a good reason for this.

      Don't you see?
      German is the language one uses to converse with one's horse or dog. It is not meant for Internet communication.

      Delete
    45. 9:38, read Anon@9:07 and try again. And Saussure didn't "drop the diachronic approach" - that would be entirely retarded.

      Let's summarise what went on here: you had an idea about a word which seemed clever when you conjured it up; evidence was offered for why you were wrong, starting with a nudge in the right direction and becoming an explicit refutation; you, fearing a loss of Internet manpoints, are unable to back down and admit that you failed.

      ALTF, meanwhile, nudged her head in from time to time, as women are wont to do - but fell at the second hurdle, as women are wont to do. She now jeers from the sidelines.

      Delete
    46. "Using etymology to make a point about the modern use of a word is fucking stupid."

      the point being made was entirely about the linguistic classification of the word. no one made any points about its usage.

      Delete
    47. @9:47

      whoa there, put it away man we all know what a tough guy you are. you seem to have mistaken 9:38 for me.

      Delete
    48. 9:51, no-one cares who you are.

      Delete
    49. ".....ALTF, meanwhile, nudged her head in from time to time, as women are wont to do - but fell at the second hurdle, as women are wont to do. She now jeers from the sidelines....."

      I jeer from the locker room actually. I'm going through all your pockets as you men joust on the field of prattle.
      I've done well so far. I'm hoping for Injury Time to make sure I get the lot.

      Delete
    50. Oh my dearest ALTF, you now remind me of the attendant around 2:15 in this video.

      Delete
    51. lol well clearly you do, if you're raging at every commenter as if they're 7:22. its okay, you get 5 "Internet manpoints" and a hug for putting us all in our place.

      Delete
    52. Who said I was male?

      Delete
    53. I've no audio driver and my dial-up connection is too slow to 'run' video anyway.
      You'll have to describe it for me.

      At least I don't remind you of your mother. That would be weird.

      Delete
    54. who said you need to be?

      Delete
    55. You reminded me of my mother many weeks ago, I think? Something to do with boat engine nomenclature.

      It is The Beautiful South's 36D video. There is a man dressed as a female cinema attendant carrying a tray of food and standing at the entrance to a rugby locker room. The singer sits on the benches and sings about how she is just another 365 night stand. I feel like an audio description service now.

      Delete
    56. 10:05, awful comeback. Time to stop typing.

      Delete
    57. 10:08 excellent put down. 10/10 would read again.

      Delete
    58. 10:09, my balls are now in your mouth. They may smell of ALTF. Savour them.

      Delete
    59. Anonymous September 18, 2012 10:06 AM said,

      ".....just another 365 night stand...."

      Great line. I am concerned about the Leap Year phenomena though.

      Are you manly men finished with your penis pull-a-thon now? Can we all get back to adoring me?

      Delete
    60. "....They may smell of ALTF....."

      I do not smell!
      I waft pheromones!

      Delete
    61. 10:03 > 9:57 "At least I don't remind you of your mother"

      sure do smell like her.

      Delete
    62. > Can we all get back to adoring me?

      The histrionic are only encouraged to behave more recklessly if you deny the satisfaction (sadness) of attention.

      Delete
    63. Also, does this mean you're in the dark continent now, ALTF?

      Details, please.

      Delete
    64. I haven't left yet!
      For fuck's sake, I'll let you know when the time is imminent.
      And it ain't for a few weeks. Okay?

      Delete
    65. I mistook the dial-up comment for a Chekov's gun.

      Delete
    66. Anonymous September 18, 2012 10:37 AM said,

      ".....I mistook the dial-up comment for a Chekov's gun......"

      My computer, or more correctly, the computer with which I use to connect to the Internet, has no audio driver, no keyboard and is connected to said Internet via an antiquated Dial-Up Telephone line.
      When I leave this advanced part of the world in which I have found myself o'er these last few months, I will not have any access to the Internet at all. If you should miss my tearful goodbyes in a few weeks time, you will know I am gone because I will be gone!

      And I though Chekov used a phaser?

      Delete
    67. Oh, the "no keyboard - just pastes from Wikipedia" thing.

      I do image you as someone still using Windows 3.1, though - like someone set up Trumpet Winsock for you 15 years ago and you've not dared to change anything since.

      Delete
    68. 15 years ago I was a teenager studying in Paris.
      I do not own a computer.
      The Tutor does not own a computer.
      The two of us use the computer of a kindly stranger who uses it, in turn, for decoration.

      I could not possibly care less about computers. For me, they are not even decorative.

      Delete
    69. Donc j'imagine que tu parles un peu la langue de ces bouffeurs d'escargot. Montre-nous ça.

      Delete
    70. After vegetating as tailless amphibians for eons, the Frenchman is now to be counted among the anthropoids, apparently.
      Nonetheless, I will not sully my palate with that basilectal lingua franca.

      Delete
    71. :'( Why so cruel

      Delete
    72. I anticipated you responding with a fucking punctuation emoticon, that's why!

      Delete
    73. I anticipated you responding with a fucking horrid punctuation emoticon, that's why!

      Delete
    74. For a persona who doesn't care about computers, you sure do take the effort to spend hours using your neighbour's.

      Delete
    75. No effort.
      And it is not a neighbour.
      I am in a retail outlet sitting at the CRT all day long - getting up now and again to abuse a customer or two and chase them away.

      Delete
    76. 7:13, dude, so many Danth's Law I don't even what

      Delete
    77. Why would someone living on a 150 acre estate be sitting at the CRT of a retail outlet all day long, abusing customers?

      Delete
    78. @3:22: I didn't know "Danth's Law", but it sounds like it's formulated vacuously. If you have to state that you've won, it means you've otherwise lost - but if you merely choose to, it could be because you want everyone to STFU and move on.

      Delete
    79. There are several ways to get people to stfu and move on, not least of which is to stfu and move on. Repeatedly claiming you have won makes you look like a dick, regardless of how the argument stands.

      Delete
  16. Kate Middleton is an anagram for 'naked tit model'. Just saying?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ALTF, why don't you ever hold me?

      Delete
    2. Also "don milked teat".

      And "maid knelt to Ed". Either the Prince or the guy who typically rational Tories equate with Stalin. In fact, imagine Red Ed receiving a blowjob from Kate. Think about it now. Think about his orgasm face. You're picturing it, aren't you?

      Delete
    3. What is a 'Red Ed'?
      Strike that. I don't want to know.

      Delete
    4. It's an emotive colour used by neo-Nazi Rothermere to describe Milliband.

      Delete
    5. Red is not emotive, cunt.
      Scarlet is.

      You seek me here, you seek me there,
      You Fuckers seek me everywhere.
      Am I in heaven? — Am I in hell?
      That damned, elusive ALTF-el

      Delete
    6. Yeah but per Dullard@7:22 every word is emotive today FUCK.

      Aquarian's a Asian Cunt: she's called the Tutor's Whore--
      For he's the master Ladies' man who can defy the Law.
      He's the bafflement of Interpol, the FBI's despair:
      For when they reach the scene of crime--her Tutor's never there!

      Delete
    7. Anonymous September 18, 2012 9:13 AM said,

      ".....Aquarian's a Asian Cunt...."

      It's 'an' Asian cunt, you adjectivally emotive crème de la crème of cunts.
      The Tutor does not defy the law. The Age of Consent is 16 here 'bouts.

      Delete
    8. He only starts telling you he fucks them when they reach 16.

      One should never lie outright - merely tell just enough truth to appear honest.

      Delete
    9. ".....One should never lie outright....."

      Why?

      Delete
    10. Because of the effort required to engineer corroborating evidence, of course.

      Delete
    11. You are obviously not a psychopath.

      Pity.

      Delete
    12. There are many personality disorders, and neither you nor I have them all.

      Delete
    13. The Anonymous has many personality disorders, but the ALTF has one big one.

      Delete
    14. A single point of success is also a single point of failure.

      Delete
    15. Pointless drivel
      I liked the fox and hedgehog metaphor better.

      Delete
    16. A hedgehog is a mass of spiky extremes, though!

      Delete
    17. Aye. there's the rube!

      And it's 'pikey' not 'spiky'!

      Delete
  17. hey altf do you have any pics showing your feet?

    i'm horny and i kinda have a foot thing going on

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Use fucking capitals and punctuation, where appropriate, and stop ending a sentence with a preposition and I'll consider your request.

      Delete
    2. Hey ALTF, why shouldn't you end a sentence with a preposition?

      Delete
    3. The Brits decided they wanted their language to reflect the glory that was Greece and the grandeur that was Rome. Accordingly, they adopted the Latin restriction of ending a sentence with a preposition so they could claim their Empire was the logical extension of the march of Civilisation.
      What the fuckers forgot though was that English is not a Latin-based - aka 'Romance' - language but a Germanic one. The Germanic language family has no restriction on ending a sentence with a preposition.
      So go ahead then, accept your innate Germanic krautness and end your fecking sentences in prepositions like a good Hun. See if I fuck you.

      Delete
    4. But you love to sleep around. Come on. I'm pretty attractive, besides.

      Delete
    5. Show me an attractive guy and I'll show you a dozen or so women who are tired of fucking him.
      If you want a '365 night stand' with me, you'll refrain from starting a sentence with the word 'But'.

      I may be easy and cheap, but I do have lexical standards.

      Delete
    6. But I'm talking dirty.

      Delete
    7. You're Western!
      Therefore, your concept of 'talking dirty' is laughable.

      Stick to the whispering of sweet nothings, with the emphasis on the 'nothing', and enrich my bank account and I'll give you the reacharound and relieve you of that DSB now and again.

      Delete
    8. Why would you assume I was Western?

      Delete
    9. Myriad reasons.
      Your interesting choice of the past tense for the verb 'to be' in your statement above for one.

      Delete
    10. I would think the slip is evidence to the contrary.

      Delete
  18. Hey, ALTF. Do you have any vids where you masturbate with a lit dynamite stick?

    I'm horny and i kinda have a exploding vags thing going on right now.

    ReplyDelete
  19. "an" exploding vags thing!

    As a matter of fact, I do have a video of such an occasion.
    It's on LaserDisc. Do you have a player?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, so its ok when Eumesbsfsdknzhrcyjx does it?

      Delete
    2. Sure. Just mail it to Brazil or the eight circle of hell (same thing).

      Delete
    3. The eighth?
      Fraud?
      Brasil?
      Brasil and fraud? Maybe if England wins the World Cup in '14 I'll believe that.
      I prefer the second

      Delete
    4. Yeah, there's plenty of lust too. But it's when you see the amount of money laundering, tax evasion and embezzlement of public funds that you see what "Baghdad With G-Strings" is really about.

      Delete
    5. That has nowt to do with LasrDisc recordings of yours truly, now does it?
      No it does not!

      Delete
  20. Oh yes, I can't wait to have this fine addition to my 840GB collection, so please send it quickly for I'm getting so bored that I even grow tempted to pay one of those break-the-15-minutes-time-limit-for-client-and-you-shall-be-beaten-and-yelled-at prostitutes to piss on my mouth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can they pee on demand?

      Delete
    2. On your mouth?
      You mean in your mouth.
      Right?

      A good hooker could do you in 15 seconds with a deftly administered 'non-medical' DRE, though I am sure you know this from first 'hand' experience.

      Delete
    3. @Anon 2:42 - Some whores specialize in weird clients, so they try to keep their bladders and rectuns always on full.
      -
      @ALTF - Sounds fun, so long as the nails are cut beforehand.

      Delete