Showing posts with label megan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label megan. Show all posts

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Comic 746: Stuck Up

Birth of A? nay, shun
WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN? WHY WOULD THERE BE A GUN IN A WOMAN'S UTERUS? DOES THIS MAKE SENSE? DOES THIS MAKE ANYONE LAUGH? IS THERE A REASON FOR THIS AT ALL?

Now, there may be a context in which this could make sense, but if there is one thing xkcd is not good at, it's telling you the context for its little stories. Maybe this is a particularly violent family. Maybe it's a crime fighting baby of some kind. Maybe it's a clever plot to rob the doctor by hiding in a uterus. Who knows? xkcd sure isn't going to tell you. It's just like seeing a single image of a long story, and you have no clue why it's there.

Is it possible that the whole thing is a set up for the final line? Maybe. It's hard to imagine, because the emotion focus climaxes with a gun in the woman's uterus but maybe he just really liked the idea of a doctor, so used to telling women to "push" when giving birth, changing to "pull" when something goes wrong. But why on earth choose this as your idea of a humorous way for it to go wrong? Why something so astonishingly gross and violent?

Randall does not have a very good record when it comes to comics about giving birth. Here's one example, here's another. Notice anything? Yes, they both involve male doctors abusing their relationship with their patients by making them think something horrible is going to happen. Ha, ha. Ha. And yes, like the current comic, they both involve the idea of a baby going back into you once it came out. Ha, haha. Of course, like the current comic, they all are terrible.

Now I'm no doctor, but I'm going to hazard a guess as to why Randall is making lousy comics about birth: He's a dude who is pretty young. Lots of guys his age may already be parents, but he is not. He isn't married. He doesn't have a child and when he does, he won't be the one giving birth to it. They comedy is truth and that to make fun of something you have to really know it, and I think that's why a twenty-something male really shouldn't be making comics about birth.

OK, I'll change that - I'm not going to tell people what they can or can't write about. I'm just going to say that for a twenty-something guy to be making these comics, he's going to have a harder time with it.

It is possible to make something good on the topic. Some people have been linking to a certain fetus-themed PFSC comic. I don't think this comic is as funny as the Onion article I link to below - some cuddlefish is going to say it isn't even as funny as the xkcd, but they are wrong - but it's still funny, partly because of how surreal it is ("the McDonald's inside you"), and partly because of how both characters take the events in stride, so calmly.

GOD I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT THE POINT OF THIS COMIC IS GUN+UTERUS. AGHH.

OK now just as a special little bonus, another terrible thing about this comic is that it epitomizes the lameness that follows from a failure to adhere to the "show don't tell" rule. The doctor sees something crazy! it's a gun! So he tells us, it's a gun. We don't get to see it, we just have someone describe it. It's like the difference between reading a really good book and reading a book that starts out "This book is awesome! It's going to be so exciting and memorable. You are going to love this book."

Now, granted, in this particular case, showing us the gun may have meant showing us the woman's uterus. Which I would have disliked even more. Is that a good argument against what I've written? No, it's a good argument about not setting your comic in a freakin uterus.

Let's get back to talking about context. Here's an old Onion article that bears a remarkable resemblance to today's comic: Nation Shocked by Pre-Natal Shooting. It's worth reading all of. Why is it funny when today's xkcd isn't? Both use the image of a fetus with a gun committing or attempting to commit a violent crime. The key difference is that the Onion has a good reason for this: It's a darkly comic piece parodying the violence among youth in America, particularly violent crimes committed by very very young children. The tone of the article makes clear that it is a parody of real stories that had only slightly older children involved. There's still an inherently icky feeling about it, but it serves a purpose. This comic's purpose seems to just be...well, I can't tell what it is.

OK, I think it's time I head on over into the forums and see what they have to say. Perhaps they can enlighten me. Perhaps they can enrage me. It'll be fun I am sure.

"For some reason, I noticed the fact that the string for the face mask disappears in panel 3."
Maybe you noticed because you were reading the comic and saw it happen? The doctor is clearly using a magic string that disappears when you look too closely at it. That must be it, otherwise the implication is that Randall forgot to finish the drawing for some reason. That would just be silly! he is a professional.

OK this is a comment I really like - admitting the comic makes no sense and suggesting at least a pun that he could have used.

....and that's all I care about. Mostly people who are complaining that this comic makes no sense.

WELL, I guess that is it then! No one can explain this comic.

One final word: Sometimes, xkcd is good. Sometimes its bad. It can be bad for a variety of reasons. Sometimes the joke is ok but it just makes you feel weird because of the subject matter. Sometimes the subject is perfectly inoffensive but the joke isn't actually funny or doesn't make sense. And sometimes, you just can't tell what the joke is. This is a case of all of them - the strange, off-putting subject matter makes you feel gross (i hope) but the payoff is zero; there's no good reason we had to read all that.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Comic 654: Disrupted

UGH xkcd is being stupid right now. Why is it so stupid? i don't know. this is just so i can let out a massive internet groan about what xkcd is doing right now. i know he is trying to be annoying on purpose but that does not make it ok.
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So a lot of people have been troubled by what I wrote up there, so now I'll explain why I didn't like his Geocities redesign, and then talk about the comic itself.

Visitors to xkcd on Monday were greeted with this (click for a big version):

ugleeYou can see that something is a little...different, no? Eventually the scrolling red text informed you that this was in honor of the last day that Geocities, home to a myriad of crappy websites that middle schoolers made in the 90s, was going off the internet. Tear, tear. So, to honor it, Randall made a crappy geocities style website.

Lots of people thought it was funny, so I am going to go ahead and admit that maybe my hatred of xkcd is getting in the way of me enjoying this. But all I could think was "this is so OLD." Lots of people make fun of that style of crappy website. Strong Bad was doing it years ago, that is the example that I first thought of. Here, watch his explanation of how to make a website, or just see the website he made. Basically the same thing. You could also see H*R's april fools "under construction" page, which I feel is related.

Ultimately, this is just playing to his fans nostalgia for their own crappy old websites, or their friends'. But it's just annoying. The fact that you are being annoying on purpose does not make it not annoying. Not in the least.

Lastly, I would have, if not enjoyed this concept, at least appreciated it more if it had not been connected to Geocities' demise, just done as a random prank. Like when Pictures for Sad Children was sponored by Long John Silver's. (ps if you know of a better picture of that or even a whole mirror of the sponsored pfsc site, do send it to me).

Anyway, let's move on to the comic itself.

yum, i will give you that
At first, I thought that this comic, the centerpiece of the crappy website redesign, was being deliberately obscure and strange. But I gues I was wrong. I thought it was supposed to be an unholy amalgam of all those xkcd tropes - megan, gaming, internet service, nachos - that we have come to love so well, but apparently not. Apparently "my wifi signal!" is how people react to losing their internet service in Randall World, and "She's gaming" is how you say "she is playing a game" or just "she is busy."

Anyway, I guess the idea is that she gets him to use the microwave in order to fuck with the wifi signal and beat her opponent. Clever, I suppose, if we were told how the hell she knew which ingredients he had and if a microwave in the other room would actually mess that stuff up, or if a serious gamer relied on crappy wifi.

The whole thing is just so obscure and random and concolvuted, and hard to figure out what is happening, that it really seriously fails.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Comic 631: what the FUCK???

Good evening. welcome to the blog, those of you who are new. I know it's a tough day to be a reader of xkcd. Pull up a chair, why don't you? You may be here for a long time. I know I certainly have a lot to say today. Jay even got so upset that he went and wrote his own post about this comic! Why, even cranky old Rob came out of his shell and wrote a post. Emotions, it would seem, are running high. Let's talk, no?

gross oh oh god gross ew no no no no no gross make it stop make it stop UGH no one wants to LOOK AT THAT, god, christ lord NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT! ugh gross, no, ew.

OH. HOLY. CRAP. OH WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK, RANDALL? what is this supposed to be? Seriously, tell me what it is supposed to be. I don't have a fucking clue.

No? You aren't going to say anything? Well that sucks, because I'll tell you what the fuck this comic looks like to me.

It looks like the little story you are trying to tell is this.

Man (let's call him "Randy") and woman (conveniently labeled "Megan") walk into a restaurant.. They take off their clothes. They take pictures of themselves and label the various interesting parts of themselves that they see. They are asked to leave the restaurant.

Is that the story you are trying to tell, Randall? Because if so, YOU SUCK IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY.

For one thing, EW GROSS. when we want to look at pictures of naked people, we have other websites for that. Your website is for giving us humor, or in my case, seething hatred. NOT NAKED PEOPLE. to repeat: WE HAVE ALREADY GOT GOOD SOURCES ON NAKED PEOPLE please do not feel the need to join them!

Now I know a lot of people are saying that I (and those like me) only object to this comic because of the GRAPHIC NUDITY. We are prudish medieval types who do not like to be reminded that people are naked sometimes. So let me reiterate: I don't object to graphic nudity. I object to it being in my webcomics. xkcd has a prissy disclaimer at the bottom, talking about how it sometimes has "strong language (which may be unsuitable for children)." Maybe it's time he adapts that to include the phrase "...and VAGINAS, which may be unsuitable for anyone NOT EXPECTING TO SEE VAGINAS AT THIS PARTICULAR MOMENT IN TIME."

the loud objecting to UP CLOSE VAGINAS may, unfortunately, distract people from the other terrible problems with this comic, such as, to chose one particular flaw, it makes no fucking sense.

Why the hell are these people taking such pictures in such a place? If you are going to have them be at a restaurant and tell us that they are there, we need a reason. Doesn't have to be perfect - maybe the lighting is just right there, maybe they want to make little food versions of their vaginas, maybe they just want to scare little kids or get revenge on a waiter - the point is, all we have now are two people gettin' crazy at a Friday's and that to me just suggests: Complete and horrible psychosis.

The alt-text ("For many of the anatomy pictures on Wikipedia, I think this is actually not far from reality. They only look all formal and professional due to careful cropping.") makes me wonder if the joke is supposed to be making fun of explicit photos on wikipedia, and their low quality. Maybe? The only little problem with that is: Making jokes about crappy porn will only entertain people very familiar with said porn (ie, creepy losers) and means that if you've spent enough time looking at those pictures, why, look at that! You are the king of the creepy losers!

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Randall Munroe, you must understand, is an artist. He must be, otherwise his graphic depictions of sex would basically be pornography, not art. And while he certainly visits the pornographic haven that is 4chan on a regular basis, surely he as a human is far above that level. Far above.

And you see, as an artist, Randall has to make artistic choices. So for example, whereas a lowly plebian like you or me would just draw some silly panels showing what happened in the story, Randall presents us with the finished product of our two heroes' adventure. They are creating illustrations, you see, of human anatomy, for a text of some kind. That is why they are so clearly labelled and numbered!

But there is more to it.

Because Randall Munroe, you must understand, is an idiot. He must be, otherwise his slides wouldn't fucking have speech bubbles on them. Also he wouldn't draw such a detailed fucking girl only to zoom out oh-so-slightly and have her revert to stick-figure-ness. Look: You can draw stick figures if you want, but don't expect us to believe that they are anatomically correct. They're stick figures! christ.

Also where, exactly, are these "plates" being shown? In a book? On an overhead projector? I know it seems trivial but I ask because why would they include plates 17 and 18, which are clearly not what they are labeled as (because Randall is not quite comfortable enough in his heterosexuality to draw male anatomy, just yet, though to be fair he is willing to talk about it an awful lot) and of course, there is the question of why these photographs have speech bubbles on them. Isn't that a good question? I wish I could take a picture of someone talking and have their words come out on the camera, but I cannot.

Hey HERE'S ANOTHER QUESTION: who took the picture in the last panel, and why?

why oh why did they want to do this in a restaurant?

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Who's got class? The dude who posted a blog post about urinals the same day he gave us this piece of shit comic! woooo! ps all your urinal-theorizing is OLD JOKES. very old.
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Lastly, there is one last little detail about this comic that I am sure most astute readers of the blog noticed instantly: Our good friend Megan has returned.

Megan, for those of you who do not know, is the generic girl in xkcd. She is often singled out by name. For a while she was just breaking up with Randall, then he started stalking her, so that was weird, and now we've got him drawing lots of GRAPHICALLY NUDE pictures of her on the internet. Why? Oh lord, why? I don't care if Megan is real or not (ok that's not true, I hope to god she is not real) but when Randall keeps using the same name all the danged time it feels creepy anyway. It feels like "I have not gotten over this girl so I will obsess about it inappropriately on the internet." To avoid it, there are two steps you can take: Use different names each time, or stop being SO GOD FUCKING DAMN INAPPROPRIATE. Hm? HM?

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Christ this comic is just so horrible in so many ways. Can people please, please please realize that xkcd is terrible now? Please? let's just end this collective nonsense and spend time with things that make sense and are funny, and most importantly, DO NOT INVOLVE A SINGLE CARTOON VAGINA.

is it so much to ask?


fun facts: this post had 175 comments before I even updated the placeholder with actual content. Also, 6000 people visited this blog today. DAMN! this comic seriously started the shitmost of shitstorms

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Comic 627: Megan, Who's Your Daddy?


Hello fellow critics/hecklers/horse-beaters, I'm thomas (lowercase in blogger!) and I'll be bashing xkcd for your entertainment this week, starting with this flow chart.

Lord knows Randall loves his flowcharts, but this reminds me of his Mario Kart pie more than anything, in that it's largely true, in this case among "computer experts" of the house or workplace. Once a computers amateur gets over the fear of misclicking and deleting everything, simple logic and a touch of intuition can solve most problems. I have slotted neatly into a niche, Randall -- well done.

However, as applicable as I find this chart, I have two issues with it. First, it advocates taping an xkcd comic near a computer area, spreading the horrible trend of printed xkcd's to the relatives of its intended audience. Nonsensical ties and science lab fanboys were bad enough; now people who don't even know what xkcd is will associate it with some fictional "in crowd" of tech geniuses.

Second, despite humility of the narration, this chart only strengthens the superiority complex xkcd's fans will have. Not only would linking this to your grandmother say, "I'm done helping you anymore, now go away," it doesn't suggest anything people wouldn't think to do now. Look for a button related to your problem? Google? The chart includes an "ask for help" option -- what do you think the xkcd reader on the answering end is going to do? Link you to the damn chart! As a member of the Half-Assed Tech Support Squad, I sincerely hope that this image doesn't clog help forums everywhere.

Lastly, there's the mention of Megan getting prompted for printer help from her dad. I smell a snarky in-joke towards the real-life Megan who is dating a man old enough to be her father, but I'm terrible with Megan humor, so why don't you tell me what's cooking?