Frequently Asked Irritating Self-Righteous Questions

Hello, dear reader! Are you here for the first time? Do you think xkcd is just the most precious and lovely comic ever to exist? Well you probably think I'm a giant douchebag then, for saying that your favorite precious comic sucks. And you probably have some very profound questions that I am totally unprepared for and have never, ever once considered so I have taken the liberty of reading your mind, transcribing your thoughts, and answering them here.

If you can contain your bitter rage long enough, you can also check out a more general but also more thought out website, 15 Stupid Responses to Criticism. I wholly endorse its message.

#1. "If xkcd sucks so much why do you read it? Just skip it you turd, some of us like intelligent comedy and if you are such a stupid idiot that you don't get the jokes just leave it alone."

Ah, a common misconception here. I do not hate xkcd because the jokes go over my lowly plebeian head, rather, I hate them because they are not funny. I get the joke (or rather, often what the joke is supposed to be) and I don't like it. Usually. Basically the answer is that is pains me to see lousy humor, and, like genocide, I simply cannot ignore it and have the problem go away. See Rob's Explanation for a much more logical, less offensive answer to this question (and one with which I entirely agree)

#2. "Why are you criticizing such a brilliant comic when you can't do better yourself? LAME."

Also a good question. But the fact is that few movie reviewers are movie makers, few theater critics are directors or actors, and few book reviewers are authors. In any case, there are times when I could do better myself, and have offered Helpful Critique. See here, here, here.

Rob has provided a good answer to this question, too: right here.

#3. "Why are you so mean spirited and evil? What are you hoping to accomplish?"

I am hoping to either get Randall Munroe to shape up and make better comics, admit that he's lost his touch and stop, or make enough fans see the light that they stop visiting and Randall Munroe drifts slowly into obscurity like a shriveled leaf in an ocean of forgotten love. I'd also be more than happy if he switched from comic to Picto-Blog.

In the short term, I'm trying to have fun, analyze humor, and be a bastion of enlightenment for those people who see xkcd for the washed up shadow of its former self that it is.

#4. "Dude it's supposed to be a comic about math and relationships and stuff. So why do you criticize it for doing just what it pretends to do?"

I understand that xkcd is in theory "a webcomic of sarcasm, math, romance and language", in some order. Those categories are perfectly broad enough for a lot of diverse humor. The problem is when it becomes a webcomic of "python references, shitty breakups, memes and charts" which I think are a bit too specific and feel repetitive quickly.

I don't think I ever say "lame, another joke about computers," I tend to say, "oh lame, another joke about meshing the line between humans and computers, whoop de do."

#5. "Aren't you just jealous?"

No, I would be jealous of him if he wrote good comics. I am jealous of Ryan North, who writes Dinosaur Comics. Once more, see Rob's more thoughtful, detailed answer if you would like a longer explanation.

#6. "Why are you picking on xkcd? Aren't there like ten thousand shitty webcomics out there?"

Yes, there are, but few seem to have the popularity of xkcd. I could always find stupid things to critique, but for the most part, I wouldn't feel like I had accomplished anything (HEY GUYS THE SIMPSONS KINDA SUCKS NOW just thought you should know ok cool we all agree great). It is not so much how much xkcd sucks as how overrated it is - the blog was originally titled just "xkcd: overrated" though that has since been changed to the punchier "xkcd sucks." In short: No other comic seems to combine the same amount of popularity and crappiness. Most popular comics are good, and most bad comics every can agree are bad. XKCD manages to escape that, and I want to change that.

For a related discussion, see my essay here.

#7. "Why are you so freaking humorless?"

I dunno. Childhood accident? I am a Trained Humor Analyst and everyone else in the world seems to think that analyzing humor destroys it, so perhaps there is some answer there. I, of course, being an Trained Humor Analyst know that this silly idea is false. If you want to know what I think is funny, try the following webcomics -

Perry Bible Fellowship
Dinosaur Comics
Achewood
Chainsawsuit
Married To The Sea

#8. "Isn't the whole point of this blog stupid, because humor is entirely subjective?"

OK. here's how it works. Obviously, different things are funny to different people. We all have different experiences and can relate to different things. Person A might laugh at a really great joke about the French Revolution and person B will have no idea what the point is because he never learned about the French Revolution. Or something. Anyway the point is there are clearly some things that people don't think are funny. I'm not talking about terminal diseases, where someone like Cyanide and Happiness makes a joke about it and people go "NOT FUNNY." I'm talking about plain old boring things. A man eats an apple. A yardsale gets rained out. A waiter is particularly friendly. Basically no one (Rob excluded of course) would laugh at those, right? There is something about those situations that is less funny than, say, a funny situation on Arrested Development (or whatever you happen to think is funny).

So there has to be some element of humor that is objective. If you can't agree with that, you are not going to like this blog, and you should probably leave. I'm not trying to be a dick (well, no more than usual) but it's just that we are a community that tries to discuss humor and get at the heart of it, and as a prerequisite, we think there is actually something to find. I don't think it's unreasonable, but then again, I don't think any of my opinions are unreasonable.

#9. "How long to you plan to continue this infantile blog?"

Until it stops being fun.

#10. "Aren't you predisposed to hate every xkcd because you write a blog that relies on them sucking?"

This is a very good question and a point I worry about a lot. I try as best as I can to be openminded, and not just say "eh that sucks" with no particular reason. I read the forums to see how people predisposed to like the comic think, and I encourage people who think I'm totally wrong to comment and explain why, and I have been known to admit that certain comics are better than I give them credit for.

#11. You motherfucker, it's not supposed to be funny. Lots of "comics" aren't funny, like Watchmen or Mark Trail or stuff. So stop saying it's such a problem that it isn't funny.

Man, I hate this question. Yes, I know that the medium of sequential art panels can be used for stories other than humorous ones. I wouldn't call those "comics" because that implies "comic" as in "comedy" etc. That's why nerds like me are so quick to point out that Watchmen is a "graphic novel."

But the point is this: xkcd is clearly trying, nearly all of the time, to be funny. He sets up the stories to have punchlines, in a way that only makes sense if it is intended as a joke. Look at his store - every item description has a joke tacked on to it. There are a tiny handful of comics - here are three examples - that don't even try, but usually what happens is that he tries to be funny, fails horribly, and then defenders claim that "well it wasn't supposed to be funny anyway." But it was.

See Rob's Rant on the subject.

#12. How come you don't know the difference between alt-text and title-text? Is it because you are a giant moron?

I still don't know why people care about this. Yes, yes, I know that the text that pops when you hover over an image is described, in the html, as the title="" whereas the text that appears in place of an image is alt="". So yeah a lot of people call the hover text the "title text" but I don't like that. For one thing, lots and lots of people call "title="" " the "alt-text". It's especially logical in xkcd, where the hover over text is alternate text for the comic; and the "alt="" " is the title of the comic.

"alt-text" also has a much nicer sound.

So I am sticking with that.

#13. "GRRRRR!!!!!"

Yes, yes, I know this makes you angry. Try to calm down, post a comment, write me an e-mail, and we can talk. I appreciate actual critique (I may be a douche but I'm not a hypocrite) and me and the regulars around here are startlingly rational. Let's be friends.