Friday, July 24, 2009

Comic 614: Drill Baby Drill

Today's Special Writer is Jake. Let's see how he did.
Woodsucker oh ew that is gross too

Jake:
It's 10:09 in the AM and this is XKCD Sucks. I'm your host Jake and with me today is XKCD's very own Beret Man.

Beret Man:
Thanks for having me, Jake.

Jake:
So, Beret Man, we have you today in the comic. Tell us what's happening here.

BM:
Well, Jake, Randall has the dark haired chick (probably Megan, but as this isn't about sex today, I can't be sure) and me talking about a woodpecker (on second thought, maybe this is about sex... o.O). The dark haired chick tells me that the woody-- woodpecker was hatched about a year ago and I make the observation that it's the little guy's birthday.

Jake:
Okay, some birthday action going on here. So then the dark haired girl takes off and we see you standing there alone. What's going through your mind at that moment?

BM:
Well, to be honest, not much. You see, right there in the panels after the girl leaves, Randall has me pondering if anyone told the woodpecker it was the little guy's birthday. So after pondering this a bit, I decide to run out and buy the avian a POWER TOOL! Because, you know, that just makes so much sense in Randall's mind as far as the joke goes, bird has a birthday, so I, Beret Man, will run out and spend some cash buying a power tool to make the little guy's life just a little easier. Ha ha! That's funny... right?

Jake:
I
... see... I guess then the alt text is telling us that you'd go all the way to make it happen, you're even willing to splurge on an extension cord?

BM:
And if Randy would add yet another panel, I'd probably even be shown paying for the electrical bill or building a wind turbine. The possibilities are endless.

(Long story short: this comic blew. Hard. There's a lot of Randall's simple drawing and as far as I can tell, this comic is trying to be more existential than funny. Or maybe not... I usually get where Randall is going, even if I don't think it's very funny, but today threw me. I was going to totally analytical and go point by point through the comic, but today's was just so pointless that, well, you just read the result in this post. Kudos to SNL and Tim Meadows for providing the format for today's post and thanks go to Carl for giving me this shot.)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Comic 613: Group sex is just applied physics

Fred is our guest poster today. His wise words are below. Two quick things before we get there:

As long as people think like this, this blog will always have a noble pursuit in stopping them.

oh hey also i've added two new people to the guest post schedule, possibly more to follow...see the updated schedule back at the original post.

ew gross no

So, after enjoying this blog and its vitriolic criticism of XKCD for ages, I was all geared up and ready to guest post a scathing review of whatever drivel Randall would ooze out this time. But then a funny thing happened. As I sat down in front of my keyboard, I suddenly realized that Randall was a human being, and so I contacted him on MSN, and now we're going to have ice cream and play in the MIT fountain next week, because that's totally okay now that we're adults and can define our own rules about what adventure means.

Okay, that's basically all a lie. I went to XKCD with glee this morning, hoping for something that reached a new level of shark-jumping and fan-pandering, but instead we had ANOTHER DAMNED SEX COMIC.

Let's see. We have two people of opposite gender talking causally about group sex because people are totally not awkward about that. (I'm imagining that the woman is Megan, by the way, because then I can imagine that the other guy is Randall and that Megan keeps bringing up her promiscuity and sexual adventures to Randall and Randall has to act all casual about it while instead he's consumed with jealousy on the inside.) There's little else to say about the art, because there is none.

Instead, we only have the joke. It's a physics joke, which means it falls under the third of XKCD's four traditional pillars, because we all know that physics is just applied mathematics which is better than anything. The joke, of course, is how the three body thing both applies to a threesome and is some physics problem I had to look up on Wikipedia. If you read that Wikipedia page, by the way, you'll notice two things: first, that you still won't know what the n body problem is if you aren't already a physicist, and secondly, that there's no "In popular culture" section with a link to this comic, yet. Are they learning? Let's all pray it is so!

Anyway, the joke is probably worth a smile if you know about the n body problem, and if it was one of the first 300 XKCD's or so and not another one in a large row of lame sex jokes. But hey, if you've just discovered XKCD, it might be fun. That's all there really is to say about it: it's not great but it's not horrible either. If we're in want of something frustrating and annoying, though, the XKCD forums never fail.

(By the way, I was reading the forums this morning and saw the thread from this comic, and thought "Oh man, they really think like this? That is so going in my guest post." And then I saw that Carl linked to the thread in his placeholder thing, with a comment about how there's still work to be done for this blog us if people actually think like that. His link didn't go to any specific post, for me, but I'm pretty sure I know which one he meant SO THANKS FOR STEALING MY THUNDER, CARL.) [Ha ha, fuck you Fred! i am crafty little bastard. also I updated the link to a specific post, i am sure it is the one you meant --Carl]

Here we go. The very first reply is by pimanrules already wondering why there are so many sex comics lately. You don't want to know, pimanrules. sirtaco expresses a similar sentiment.
Pazi feels a need to share his enjoyment of group sex with the rest of the forums, but calls it polyamorism because that makes him look more interesting.

I don't get what 10nitro meant to say in his first paragraph at all.

obituary posts the post that makes my blood boil, and I suppose this is what Cheezy Wheeler also meant to link to. obituary doesn't get the comic, but hey, it's a sex comic so that's always good. The same goes for Eternal Density. NO, people. You DON'T DO THAT. YOU DON'T ENCOURAGE RANDY TO JUST CHURN OUT A BUNCH OF LAME SEX COMICS, DAMMIT.
I'm suspecting Simon17 to be a closet XKCD Sucks afficionado, because he's not only complaining about the lack of effort in what could be an otherwise decent joke, and berates the people who don't get the joke but sex lol.

I'm noticing an already explosive amount of trolling in the comments for the placeholder post, by the way. I suppose the fans didn't really have anything to discuss and the wikipedia page got locked, or something, so they decided to come here to troll the fuck out of us. Don't falter, guys. Remember the ass turds!

Anyway, that's all there is to say, really. It's committing all the basic sins of new XKCD: lame art, unnecessary dialogue after the punchline, and a joke that has the potential of fun if a little more effort was put in the comic.

On a positive note: there's no real head levitation here. Guy's head is teetering rather precariously on his pointy shoulders in the last two panels, but it's technically still connected as far as I can see. Also, with all our complaining of Randall talking about how something awesome happened instead of showing it, I for one am thankful that he neglected to show anything this time. I can't really imagine the horrible mess of tangled lines and circles that would have been, but I'm sure there'd be cunnilingus too, ladies.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Comic 612: Bad formulaic estimates & humor

Today's guest poster is PERSON #1. have fun guys.

Hello everyone. It's me, randall Person #1! In todays exciting post I will be reviewing the latest xkcd comic! Let's just look at it first:

but i will never let guest posters take over my precious actual alt textOh. Ergh.

Awesome, randall. A windows joke. About the file dialog. Yeah, that's never been done.

Before I start reviewing, I want to post a little log of me and my friend rune:
(10:54:11 AM) Me: oh
(10:54:14 AM) Me: i just remembered
(10:54:19 AM) Me: I'm guest posting on xkcdsucks today
(10:54:23 AM) Me: i hope todays xkcd sucks
(10:54:38 AM) Rune: ...k, i have no idea what xkcd is
(10:54:45 AM) Me: http://xkcd.com/
(10:54:54 AM) Me: actually
(10:54:58 AM) Me: you might not want to go there
Yes, I have found the one person who has never heard of xkcd. And I ruined him. Whose side am I on anyway?

Well anyway, the comic - I have kind of mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, the joke is well-executed and there aren't any excess panels. It's somewhat funny, even. Didn't make me laugh, but it's not as bad as, say, firefly fanfic. There is semi-good art by the standards of xkcd, though it could really use a background, it looks like the car is standing like this. But I forgive you, randall. It's not necessary for understanding the joke, so I will allow you this ridiculous level of minimalism you like to strive for.

Now, on the other hand, it's a Windows joke. Another Windows joke. About something that has been made fun of since Windows 95. Congratulations, Randall. Your humor is over a decade old. I was trying to find some examples of other comics doing similar jokes, but I couldn't find any. Maybe I suck at googling, or maybe other comics have self-restraint. Yesterday I said that xkcdsucks was turning into a sitcom, but I think the same might be true for xkcd. Old jokes, heavy recycling of material and weak fucking dialog.

Speaking of recycling of material, has anyone noticed that in this comic people behave like machines? That has never been done before in xkcd. Take the functionality of a machine, apply it to a person, and you get humor. It's Munroe's Law! A guaranteed xkcd classic!

Let's see what the forumites have to say about this;

fenrir_darkwolf: Just got an external hard drive and am putting up with a lot of this right now... Yet again good job on reading my mind Randall.

Haha, what? How is this the first time he encountered a joke/humorous remark about that? I really didn't expect any "get out of my head" on this one.

Then a bunch of praises to randall and to themselves for how "look at me, I'm really really geeky" they are. (Which is pretty normal for randy's fanbase) Alright, the forumites are boring.

The alt-text:
They could say "the connection is probably lost," but it's more fun to do naive time-averaging to give you hope that if you wait around for 1,163 hours, it will finally finish.

Oh, uh, okay? This is classical randall-observational humor. Observe, retell, hope it's funny without a joke anyway.

Alright, that's all I have to say. Quite more than I expected, I hope I didn't bore you.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

XKCD SUCKS SUMMER OF MADNESS

Readers! I have crazy news. CRAZY, I SAY! I solicited guest writers a little while ago and got a far larger response than I was expecting. So, rather than have to choose between a bunch of equally anonymous people, I decided "fuck this, let's let them do all my work" and so for the next few weeks we're going to have a new writer every comic. MADNESS ENSUES!

Here's the schedule, if anyone cares:

Comic Date Name
612 ---- 7/20 ---- Person #1
613 ---- 7/22 ---- Fred
614 ---- 7/24 ---- Jake
615 ---- 7/27 ---- Prof. Dr. Silas RP W. III
616 ---- 7/29 ---- JK
617 ---- 7/31 ---- Lompta
618 ---- 8/3 ---- TomR
619 ---- 8/5 ---- Rob <--updated 8/5 ROB HAS ABANDONED ME.
620 ---- 8/7 ---- dragon2041 <--updated 7/20
621 ---- 8/10 ---- Egoraptor
622 ---- 8/12 ---- Hourt Carding
623 ---- 8/14 ---- HateBottles <--updated 7/22
624 ---- 8/17 ---- Asher <--updated 7/22
625 ---- 8/19 ---- John Evans <-- updated 7/28
626 ---- 8/21 ---- Matt <-- updated 7/29
627 ---- 8/24 ---- Thomas \
628 ---- 8/26 ---- Thomas ---> updated 8/18
629 ---- 8/28 ---- Thomas /

All subject, of course, to revision if people are lazy and don't e-mail me posts. If you aren't on the list, it's 'cause you didn't respond to my e-mails.

Is this going to be awesome? Heck yes. It might be a horrible failure. but the one thing we know is...IT WILL BE MADNESS!


PS oh Kate Beaton, i love you so much. That new comic is glorious.


update: looks like the schedule is a little more fluid than I had thought - so I've been moving a few people around. Just so you know.

Comic 611: Destructive Behavior

mr hat has a big headI'm going to be honest. I read this comic and thought, "Really, this isn't so bad. I almost like it, a little." Upon more thought, I can't quite justify this - all sorts of little problems show up - but still, let the record show that I was, for some reason, positive about this comic. What can I say - maybe I'm a sucker for that sort of humor-through-exaggeration, the way each example Mr. Hat gives is an order of magnitude more complex and fucked up than the last.

Not that there aren't problems; for one thing, this "disaster voyeurism" as a concept is not so new as Randall may believe; Neil e-mails me to point out that George Carlin (one of the most popular stand-ups of the last few decades, of course) had a super similar concept in his 2005 "Life is Worth Losing" TV special. Read it yourself; go down to the last really long paragraph (or just ctr+f and look for "fire"). I don't think Randall deliberately copied it, of course, I just want to point out that it's not such a clever or new idea. Obviously, Carlin does much better things with it.

Then of course there's Randy's textbook "but wait, there's MORE" continuing to add dialog after the punchline. In this case it's that pesky "entirely different conversations" line. Why? Why does it exist? What does it add? You have Mr. Hat going off on crazy rants about hunting men on horseback and you have to end your comic with "WELL, GUESS HE'S JUST HAVING HIS OWN CONVERSATION, HUH" and it just brings down the level of the humor so much.

A little while ago I remember writing that Mr. Hat was basically a terrorist, and that seems to still be true in full force. What happened to him being just a classy asshole? Whatever, I can't be too picky I guess.

I've said before that I hate it when Mr. Hat stories just vaguely reference funny things he has done without showing us or telling us what they were; so I am glad that at least here Randall had to use a modicum of creativity and tell us what WACKY antics Mr. Hat was up to.

==========================

Many thanks to Mal (mal from xkcdsucks) for pointing this next part out in the comments last time:

Apparently there's this webcomic called "Sheldon" ? I dunno, I had never heard of it. But in any case, a comic from a few days ago bore a striking similarity to a certain xkcd from a few months ago. See the relevant Sheldon and the xkcd yourself. Now this phenomenon is nothing new to readers of xkcd sucks - ahem, cough, ahem - but what comes next makes the story different. The author of Sheldon, in a blog post, acknowledged that his comic was really similar to the xkcd, similar enough that it was reasonable to be suspicious. Read that post. How classy is that?

I wish Randall would do something like that when he copied jokes. If he did, I would not hold anything against him. I believe - usually - that the mistake was wholly unintentional. But when Randall refuses to admit that his comic is so damn close to say, an SMBC from the week earlier, he just looks like a dick. I hope he sees that post on Sheldon and sees how damn classy the author looks when he writes it.

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stay tuned later tonight for an announcement about crazy upcoming guest posts.