Comics 884 and 885: A Trip Into Randy's Deranged Mind

884. Randy is a man who lives a rich, milk-oriented fantasy life. He frequently comes up with all sorts of fantasies, most of which involve Megan in some way, and, as a man whose mind goes where it will, sometimes his mind takes him down the road to what will happen when eventually Stockholm syndrome kicks in and Megan relents to his endless advances.

"Oh yeah, we'll have a kid and it'll be a girl and she'll be fucking hot, like porn star hot," he moans to himself as he pours himself another glass of milk. He tries to drink it in such a fashion that it gives him a milk mustache. He imagines the mustache is Megan's.

His mind refuses to relinquish this thought. Randy promptly grabs a pen and begins drawing his hypothetical daughter as a porn star--completely naked, of course, as is the usual case with XKCD women--but then he realizes that this amazingly sexy and milk-endowed woman he is envisioning is his daughter! He must come up with a way to distance himself from these thoughts! And he has to make it funny to his audience. What's something unsexy that everyone loves?

Mr. Rogers! Let's go with that. Wasn't there some game where you came up with your porn star name? It involved streets or some shit, right? Cool, comic done. Back to masturbating to your hypothetical daughter.

885. Randy wants to let everyone know that he recycles, of course, but he also wants to let everyone know that the people at the recycling center have compiled an elaborate dossier on him, based on the things they gather from his house. They have even accurately concluded that he is what is colloquially referred to as an "asshole."

He is inaccurate in how they came to this conclusion, of course. He assumes it is because he is only intermittently concerned with making the recyclists' (do you like that? I just made that up right now) job easier that they have concluded this. Really it is mostly because every available surface he recycles has the word 'Megan' written on it, over and over and over again--and inflicting your creepiness on the poor people at the recycling center is pretty much the biggest dick move out there, next to possibly maintaining a hate blog for a comic you don't really even care about.